E7 - Todomatsu and the Five Demons / Four / Going North

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Sutabaa Coffee
[00:05] Aida
    Welcome!
[00:07] Todo
    Out of 1,068 yen,
[00:12] Todo
    your change is 300 yen. Thank you very much.
[00:15] Todo
    Please wait underneath the
    red matsu on the right.
[00:19] Todo
    Thank you for waiting.
    I'll be happy to take your order.
[00:23] Person
    Uh, could I get this?
[00:31] Todo
    Thank you very much.
[00:35] Aida
    It finally calmed down.
[00:37] Aida
    Are you getting used to working here?
[00:39] Todo
    Yeah, gradually.
[00:41] Aida
    I see.
[00:42] Sachi
    Oh, yeah. Are you free next Sunday?
[00:47] Todo
    I-It finally happened! They're asking
    me about my weekend plans!
[00:51] Todo
    S-Sunday? Why do you ask?
[00:54] Sachi
    There's going to be a mixer,
    but there aren't enough guys going.
[00:59] Sachi
    Do you think you could come?
[01:02] Sachi
    A-Are you okay?
[01:03] Todo
    Yeah.
[01:05] Todo
    B-B—
[01:06] Todo
    Bingo!
[01:10] Aida
    There's just gotta be someone who'll come.
[01:12] Todo
    Oh, I don't mind going.
[01:14] Aida
    Huh?
[01:16] Aida
    But last week you said you
    were busy with a report.
[01:20] Todo
    That's already done, so it's fine.
[01:22] Aida
    Really? Then you'll come?
[01:27] Todo
    Well, if I feel like it.
[01:30] Todo
    I'm going on my break.
[01:36] Todo
    All right!
[01:38] Todo
    Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
[01:41] Todo
    I did it! I finally made it this far!
[01:44] Todo
    After grueling weeks since
    starting this part-time job,
[01:47] Todo
    I've finally reached the status of being
    asked to a mixer by my girl co-workers!
[01:52] Todo
    I'm no longer a NEET, or at the
    very bottom of the caste system
SIGN    IRL Ideal
[01:54] Todo
    compared to rest of my generation!
SIGN    Matsuno Family
[01:56] Todo
    I've gone up one rank as a human!
[02:02] Manager
    Matsuno-kun?
[02:04] Todo
    At that moment, that's what I really thought.
[02:09] Todo
    I'm such a fool.
[02:10] Todo
    I was so happy that I forgot about my fate.
[02:18] Todo
    The shackles of Hell
[02:22] Todo
    that I can never escape from...
[02:28] Todo
    The existence of these demons.
[02:32] Oso
    Well, wouldya lookie here.
[02:34] Oso
    I think dis here is one o' dem
    high-class establishments.
SIGN    Sutabaa Coffee
[04:10] Todo
    Please! Go home!
[04:12] Choro
    Er, what's the problem? I don't
    have a clue what's going on here.
SIGN    "Todomatsu and the Five Demons"
[04:17] Choro
    Wait, you're working here, Todomatsu?
[04:20] Todo
    It doesn't matter, just go home! Please go home!
[04:22] Choro
    Hey, stop! What's gotten into you?!
[04:24] Todo
    Please!
[04:25] Oso
    What? We're not allowed to go in?
[04:28] Todo
    No.
[04:29] Oso
    Why?
[04:33] Todo
    Fine. I'll tell you the truth.
[04:38] Todo
    I'm embarrassed by you guys.
[04:42] Todo
    Look around you. This is Sutabaa.
[04:44] Todo
    You're as different as chalk and
    cheese to these celestial beings!
[04:47] Todo
    No... More like as different as angels and crap.
[04:50] Todo
    I finally obtained some status by working here.
[04:53] Todo
    If they find out I have crap for
    brothers, it will all be for nothing.
[04:57] Todo
    Sorry...
[04:58] Todo
    I really didn't want to say that.
[05:00] Choro
    Then don't! We almost died!
[05:04] Oso
    W-Well, I can't say that I don't understand...
[05:07] Todo
    Huh?
[05:08] Oso
    You know, it's like when your
    mom comes to class observation,
[05:11] Oso
    and she's the only one who's totally out of place.
[05:14] Todo
    No, not quite.
[05:16] Todo
    It's more like when the principal
[05:18] Todo
    waves around your stained underwear
    in front of a school assembly.
[05:21] Choro
    What the hell do you think we are?!
[05:25] Ichi
    Let's go home. I've had enough.
[05:27] Jyu
    Aww, but we just got here.
[05:29] Todo
    Have some coupons. You can use them at
    the store in front of the station, too.
[05:32] Choro
    Who needs those?!
[05:33] Sachi
    Hey, what's wrong?
[05:35] Aida
    Are these your friends?
[05:36] Todo
    No, um, uh... They're, y-you know...
[05:39] Sachi
    Huh?
[05:43] Both
    What?!
[05:45] Aida
    You're sextuplets?!
[05:47] Sachi
    That's amazing! I've never seen sextuplets!
[05:49] Oso
    I-Is it that uncommon?
    Want to take a picture with us?
[05:53] Both
    No thanks!
[05:57] Choro
    W-Wow, so these are Sutabaa baristas.
[06:01] Choro
    Their bodies are glowing with
    the light called confidence.
[06:06] Choro
    And then there's him...
[06:08] Choro
    Look at those eyes!
[06:09] Aida
    Wow, I'm so surprised!
[06:11] Sachi
    Jeez, why didn't you tell us?
[06:15] Todo
    Sorry. I was sure I'd already told you guys.
[06:18] Oso
    So, hey, hey, hey...
[06:18] Choro
    There are two of him... There are
    two personalities inside him!
[06:19] Sachi
    Oh, Osomatsu-san, was it?
[06:22] Sachi
    I was wondering, what do you do for work?
[06:28] Odo
    U-Um, you two have a break
    coming up, don't you?
[06:31] Sachi
    Oh, you're right. Well, enjoy your stay.
[06:40] Todo
    I'll take your order. Hurry up and
    order, drink, and get out of here.
[06:46] Todo
    You're being a nuisance
    to the other customers.
[06:49] Choro
    Wh-Why, you...
[06:50] Jyu
    Let's see...
[06:53] Jyu
    Do you have beef bowls?
[06:54] Todo
    No!
[06:55] Oso
    I want takoyaki.
[06:56] Choro
    A frankfurter.
[06:57] Ichi
    Soft serve.
[06:58] Todo
    Do you think this is a rest stop?!
[07:00] Oso
    What about you, Karamatsu?
[07:02] Kara
    I'd like a tall latte.
    Make it a doppio on the espre—
[07:06] Choro
    Why?! He's the only one who ordered properly!
[07:15] Choro
    Wait. Why'd we get this table?
[07:18] Choro
    There are plenty of others open.
[07:22] Choro
    That dried-up monster...
    He's totally trying to cut us off.
[07:26] Oso
    When did he start working so hard?
[07:29] Oso
    To think that there's such a gap between us...
[07:31] Jyu
    So sweet! Have a bite, Nii-san.
[07:34] Ichi
    Sweet! I ain't never had a
    Western confectionery like this.
[07:37] Jyu
    It ain't "Western confectionery."
    They're called sweets nowadays!
[07:39] Ichi
    S-S-Sweets!
[07:41] Jyu
    Yeah, yeah!
[07:41] Choro
    Uh, what are you guys doing?
[07:43] Ichi
    For real?
[07:43] Aida
    Hey, what are you doing over here?
[07:45] Todo
    What happened?! Was there a
    cockroach in the bathroom?!
[07:57] Jyu
    Th-The city's a scary place!
[07:59] Ichi
    We're gon' die.
[08:00] Choro
    That's enough of that!
[08:03] Sachi
    Oh, hey. About the mixer we
    were talking about earlier...
[08:07] Five
    M-Mixer?!
[08:09] Sachi
    Totty, do you think you
    could invite some friends?
[08:11] Five
    Totty?!
[08:13] Sachi
    Ask around at your university.
[08:14] Five
    University?!
[08:17] Todo
    Um, I'll talk to you guys about that later.
[08:19] Aida
    Totty, you go to Keio, right?
[08:22] Sachi
    Get some good people to come.
    We'll be looking forward to it.
[08:24] Todo
    Yeah, okay...
[08:35] Todo
    Sirs?! You're spilling, sirs!
[08:38] Todo
    What's wrong with you, sirs?!
[08:40] Choro
    Whoops, my hand slipped.
[08:41] Todo
    Hot!
[08:46] Todo
    What the hell are you trying to do?!
[08:50] Manager
    A-Are you okay, Matsuno-kun?!
[08:52] Todo
    I'm fine.
[08:53] Jyu
    Way to go, Totty!
[08:54] Mana
    Should I call the cops?
[08:56] Todo
    No. Leave this to me.
[08:57] Jyu
    Totty!
[08:58] Oso
    We're sorry, Totty.
[09:01] Kara
    We just don't belong at a place like this.
[09:05] Choro
    I mean, we're just stained underwear.
[09:07] Todo
    Wh-What the hell are these creatures?
[09:08] Jyu
    Totty!
[09:09] Todo
    I-I'm really sorry. Please forgive me.
[09:12] Oso
    Huh? Sorry for what?
[09:15] Kara
    For treating us like vermin?
[09:18] Choro
    Or for lying about being
    surrounded by Keio students?
[09:24] Oso
    So what's this mixer about?
[09:27] Jyu
    Totty!
[09:27] Kara
    What is it?
[09:28] Choro
    What's your handwriting look like?
[09:46] Oso
    Hey!
[09:47] Ichi
    Hey!
[09:50] ---
    Hey!
SIGN    Open
SIGN    Pub
SIGN    Draft Beer
SIGN    A Few Days Later
[09:57] Oso
    All right! Yeah!
[09:59] Choro
    What the hell is that dance?
[10:02] Aida
    That wasn't what I imagined at all.
[10:03] Sachi
    What was even going on?
[10:05] Oso
    Man, I laughed my ass off.
[10:09] Kara
    That was awesome.
[10:10] Choro
    You worked really hard.
[10:12] Ichi
    Impressive.
[10:13] Jyu
    That was so much fun!
[10:16] Oso
    Thanks for everything today...
[10:19] Five
    Totty!
[10:25] Ichi
    Welcome back.
[10:27] Todo
    Th-Thanks...
SIGN    "Four"
[10:33] Oso
    Crap...
[10:34] Oso
    This really isn't good.
[10:35] Kara
    How did it come to this?
[10:36] Choro
    How do we solve this?
[10:37] Ichi
    We're finished.
[10:39] Todo
    Wait, what are we going to do?
[10:41] Oso
    Why are there four?!
[10:42] Choro
    How do we split this?
[10:45] Choro
    This number has always brought
    misfortune to us sextuplets.
SIGN    The Sharing Situation Between Sextuplets
    That Even An Only Child Can Understand
[10:48] Choro
    With one or two, there aren't enough anyway,
    so we could just do rock-paper-scissors.
[10:52] Choro
    If there are five, though,
[10:53] Choro
    the odds of losing are lower,
    so it's rock-paper-scissors again.
[10:56] Choro
    If there are three, it's peaceful.
    We just split them in half and make them six.
[11:00] Choro
    But the reality we are facing today is...
[11:03] Six
    Four!
[11:04] Oso
    The number that's our mortal
    enemy... The devil's number!
[11:06] Kara
    I sense a war coming...
[11:07] ---
    We're finished.
[11:08] Jyu
    What are we going to do?
[11:09] Todo
    Who even brought us this many? Was it Mom?
[11:11] Choro
    Hey, what good would it do to
    find out why there are four?
[11:14] Choro
    Even if we find that out,
    we're still left with four,
[11:16] Choro
    you fool!
[11:20] Todo
    Sorry...
[11:21] Choro
    No, I'm sorry...
[11:23] Kara
    It's no use... I'm so sleepy.
[11:24] Oso
    Hey, don't fall asleep! If you do,
    they're gonna be eaten!
[11:26] Oso
    By me!
[11:27] Jyu
    Me, too...
[11:28] Oso
    They're seriously going to be eaten!
[11:29] Oso
    By me!
[11:30] Choro
    It can't be helped... We've been
    glaring at each other for 36 hours.
[11:36] Ichi
    We're finished.
[11:39] Oso
    I guess we're just gonna have
    to resort to using force!
[11:41] Choro
    Osomatsu-niisan!
[11:43] Todo
    Guess we have no choice.
[11:44] Choro
    Totty!
[11:46] Kara
    What a shame.
[11:46] Choro
    Who?!
[11:47] Jyu
    Come at me, bro!
[11:48] Choro
    Who are you?!
[11:49] Ichi
    I'm going to end this.
[11:50] Choro
    Seriously, who are you?!
[11:52] Choro
    No, wait...
[11:55] Choro
    Wait!
[11:57] Choro
    Calm down, you guys! We can't have
    anyone die over Imagawayaki!
[12:01] Choro
    It sucks, but let's give one to either Mom or Dad,
[12:04] Choro
    and then split the other three evenly.
[12:07] Choro
    Okay?
[12:13] Oso
    We can finally eat!
[12:14] Jyu
    Smells so good! Smells so good!
[12:16] Ichi
    Make sure you split them evenly.
[12:17] Kara
    Equally.
[12:18] Choro
    I know, I know.
[12:20] Oso
    Well, I'll be taking the biggest
    piece since I'm the eldest.
[12:23] Todo
    What? No fair!
[12:25] Choro
    Hey...
[12:27] Choro
    Hey!
[12:28] Oso
    What's up?
[12:29] Choro
    Look at this...
[12:33] Choro
    One of them... has cream filling.
[12:37] Six
    That's mine!
SIGN    End
[12:40] Six
    Give it!
SIGN    Going North
SIGN    America
SIGN    America
SIGN    Here
SIGN    Welcome to Akatsuka Village, Chiba
SIGN    This is Yellowknife
[19:53] Person
    Hey, fella!
[19:55] Person
    Did ya come here to see the aurora borealis?
[19:58] Person
    It's gonna snow fer a while,
    so I dun' think there's gon' be one.
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Dayon Counseling Room
[22:10] Nar
    The Dayon Counseling Room.
[22:13] Nar
    This is a secret counseling room where
    the cast of the anime "Osomatsu-san"
[22:17] Nar
    express how they really feel.
[22:21] Oso
    Pardon me.
[22:24] Oso
    Hey. There we go.
SIGN    This Week's Client
    Osomatsu
[22:29] Oso
    Man, we're finally on episode seven.
    Thanks for all your hard work.
[22:34] Oso
    Must be hard, week after week.
[22:36] Oso
    Not to mention, what the heck?
    Were you just in Canada?
[22:39] Oso
    You know you can say no, right?
    You're gonna wear yourself out.
[22:43] Oso
    So, I'm just gonna jump right into it,
    and have you hear me out.
[22:47] Oso
    So... You know our anime
    came back in October, right?
[22:51] Oso
    And we keep getting referred
    to as a gag anime, but...
[22:54] Oso
    Seriously, could you not?
[22:56] Oso
    It's too violent.
[22:58] Oso
    Why would you call it a gag anime?
    That raises the bar to a hellish degree.
[23:01] Oso
    It means, "All right, do something funny,"
    and, "Please get some laughs," right?
[23:06] Oso
    I feel like I could die from the pressure.
[23:09] Oso
    So I thought of something.
    Why not call it this instead?
SIGN    Anime at One's Own Responsibility
[23:14] Oso
    Anime at one's own responsibility.
[23:16] Oso
    A new genre of anime where
[23:18] Oso
    whether it's funny or not is
    the viewer's own responsibility.
[23:21] Oso
    That means if we mess up,
    it won't be on us... Huh?
[23:26] Oso
    I want out!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Next Time on Osomatsu-san
[23:35] Oso
    He mixes this complicated
    modern society with a soft spoon,
[23:38] Oso
    then he takes a bunch of
    mysteries and questions and
[23:40] Oso
    acts like they never happened!
[23:41] Oso
    That's the kind of guy who's coming!
[23:43] Oso
    On that note, the next Osomatsu-san will be
    "The Calming Osomatsu" and "Totoko's Dream."
SIGN    "The Calming Osomatsu" "Totoko's Dream"