E21 - Mahjong / Godmatsu
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN "Mahjong"
[00:25] Kara
A long night...
[00:28] Kara
had begun.
[02:03] Kara
It's our first mahjong game in a few months.
[02:05] Kara
This first round
[02:10] Kara
opened with Choromatsu as the starting dealer.
SIGN East Hand 1
[02:15] Kara
Usually, we're just shitty NEETs.
[02:17] Kara
But when mahjong is involved...
[02:21] Oso
Riichi.
[02:23] Choro
That was fast. What's his hand?
[02:25] Choro
It's probably safe to assume a tanpin,
and likely one with lots of waits.
[02:30] Choro
The north wind that he declared riichi
with is safe, with two in discards.
[02:33] Choro
There's a high possibility he was one away
from tenpai with two open waits.
[02:37] Choro
Which means the discarded four
of characters suji should still be safe.
[02:41] Choro
All right.
[02:43] Todo
Seven of characters? On the first play?
[02:45] Todo
That's messed up.
[02:46] Todo
He may be the dealer, but still,
it was Choromatsu-niisan who played it.
[02:49] Todo
Is he close to tenpai? Or in tenpai?
[02:51] Todo
But if he's in tenpai, he can declare riichi
right away, since he has the East seat.
[02:55] Todo
Wait, he might also have one
chance with a six of characters.
[02:59] Todo
But he could also have tiles no one's discarded yet,
dual pairs, or an edge wait on the seven.
[03:03] Todo
Well, I guess there's no
reason to push this hand.
[03:06] Jyu
Seven of circles? He's out.
[03:09] Jyu
He discarded the safe tile
of the player in riichi,
[03:12] ---
taking care of the tile that
might be dangerous later
[03:15] Jyu
if the dealer declares a riichi of his own.
[03:17] Jyu
But what I want to know is, where's the dora?
[03:20] Jyu
It's a chiitoi with two dora,
so he can't quit so easily.
[03:25] Jyu
The player in riichi plays the dora indicator,
the seven of circles, on the third turn,
[03:28] ---
then come the one and four of characters.
[03:30] ---
In other words, discarding that seven of circles
might have solidified his pair of dora.
[03:34] Jyu
So a menpin with two dora, for a mangan?
[03:37] Jyu
Or a tanyao might be added to it,
so any reverse dora would make it a haneman.
[03:41] Jyu
But then, why would the dealer push it that way?
[03:44] Jyu
He shouldn't have any dora,
or the east wind tiles...
[03:46] Jyu
Wait, does that mean he has a lot of circles?
[03:50] Jyu
Maybe the dora is over there.
SIGN Draw
[04:20] Kara
It looked like a quiet start, but...
[04:24] Oso
Tenpai.
[04:28] Choro
W-With only riichi?
[04:29] Todo
Edge wait on the three of circles!
[04:30] Jyu
He got us!
[04:32] Kara
Osomatsu's mahjong policy is
to play as recklessly as possible.
[04:37] Kara
In addition to closed and edge waits...
SIGN East Hand 2
[04:39] Oso
Riichi.
[04:40] Kara
He didn't balk at declaring
riichi with a single wait.
[04:42] Kara
And once you've declared, there's no folding.
SIGN East Hand 3
[04:45] Kara
The hand that keeps pushing,
even against a dealer riichi...
[04:47] Kara
You push, push, and keep pushing.
[04:50] Kara
As a result...
[04:50] Jyu
Ron. 12,000.
[04:52] Jyu
Ron. 12,000, so 12,300.
[04:55] Todo
Ron. 18,000.
[04:57] Oso
Bust!
[04:59] Kara
No ability to defend.
Probability of a bust: 100%.
SIGN Osomatsu
SIGN Never Sees the Last Hand
[05:03] Kara
Osomatsu, Who Never Sees the Last Hand.
[05:05] Todo
Oh, you silly. You're too gracious
a loser, Osomatsu-niisan.
[05:09] Kara
Meanwhile, Todomatsu's mahjong
is just slightly different.
[05:12] Kara
A calling style, singing strong and fast.
[05:16] Todo
Pon.
[05:17] Kara
Not only does he have speed,
[05:18] Todo
Chi.
[05:19] Kara
but at times, he hands
the next player sweet tiles
[05:20] Todo
Pon.
[05:21] Kara
and goads rivals to crush each other.
[05:22] Todo
Chi.
[05:24] Jyu
Chi.
[05:28] Kara
However...
[05:29] Jyu
Riichi.
[05:30] Todo
Huh?
[05:30] Ichi
Riichi.
[05:31] Todo
What?!
[05:32] Choro
Pon.
[05:34] Todo
What?! Three in tenpai?!
[05:38] Kara
When pushed, his mentality is so
weak that he pisses himself.
[05:41] Kara
The longest he can play is 40 minutes.
SIGN Todomatsu
SIGN The Prince of
Minimal Loss
[05:44] Kara
The Prince of Minimal Loss, Todomatsu.
[05:49] Todo
I p-pass.
[05:50] Three
There's no passing!
[05:52] Choro
Good grief. That's what you get
for not securing any safe tiles.
[05:55] Kra
Choromatsu. The digital player who
plays defensively and logically.
[05:59] Kara
He reads the situation,
and makes only the best moves.
[06:03] Kara
He doesn't believe in the flow or luck.
[06:05] Kara
His mahjong can be categorized as superior.
[06:07] Kara
However...
[06:08] Choro
R-Riichi.
[06:10] Kara
His downfall is that he can't tell a lie.
[06:12] Kara
His waits are apparent in his eyes,
and his ron are hopeless.
SIGN Choromatsu
SIGN No Return Open Riichi
[06:16] Kara
No Return Open Riichi Choromatsu.
[06:18] Choro
Huh? It's not coming out.
[06:20] Thre
Uh, of course not.
[06:23] Jyu
I have no intention of losing.
[06:25] Kara
Jyushimatsu. The inexplicable occult system.
[06:28] Jyu
1,000 points!
[06:30] Kara
A cheap, nothing hand.
[06:31] Kara
However, as a result of this,
he goes into the zone.
[06:34] Jyu
Tsumo! Tsumo! Tsumo!
[06:35] Kara
Jyushimatsu Time is time for absolute offense.
[06:37] Kara
Once he has a hand, there's no stopping him.
[06:40] Kra
However...
[06:41] Jyu
Ron!
[06:41] Ichi
Huh? That hand doesn't have enough tiles.
[06:45] Kara
Once his excitement rises,
so do his odds of rule violations.
SIGN The Tyrant
of Furiten
SIGN Jyushimatsu
[06:49] Kara
The Tyrant of Furiten, Jyushimatsu.
[06:51] Ichi
Try again.
[06:54] Kara
Ah, Ichimatsu...
[06:56] Kara
The odd discards, the odd calls.
[06:58] Ichi
Pon.
[06:58] Kara
His speed and plays are totally unreadable,
making it black box mahjong.
[07:02] Kara
However...
[07:03] Kara
He's just normally weak, and normally
loses a lot, and has a pissy attitude.
SIGN Table-Flipping
SIGN Ichimatsu
[07:10] Kara
Table-Flipping Ichimatsu.
[07:13] Ichi
Why don't we go to bed?
[07:14] Choro
Are you a child?!
[07:16] Kara
The time has finally come to
show you Karamatsu mahjong.
[07:20] Kara
I am the winning hand artist.
[07:21] Kara
There's no point in winning by compromise.
[07:24] Kara
Mangan? Haneman?
[07:26] Kara
Menchin? Non, non.
[07:29] Kara
I'll only settle for yakuman, and won't
even accept baiman tenpai. Therefore...
[07:33] Choro
Tsumo.
[07:34] Kra
Success!
[07:35] Kara
The poor man everyone wins off of...
[07:36] Sign
Karamatsu
SIGN The Never-Winning Fantasista
[07:37] Kara
The Never-Winning Fantasista, Karamatsu.
[07:42] Kara
I'm bust.
[07:42] Todo
You're so freaking weak, as usual!
[07:46] Oso
Aw, man.
[07:48] Oso
This is boring.
[07:52] Oso
You guys aren't playing mahjong just
to collect these point sticks, are you?
[07:59] Oso
Let's play for real.
[08:02] Oso
A game of life or death where
everything rides on just one tile.
[08:09] Choro
So you're saying we should get serious?
[08:11] Todo
I will kill you, even though you're my brothers.
[08:14] Ichi
You guys better start
digging your own graves.
[08:17] Jyu
Let's make it so you can't bust.
[08:18] Kara
We're going to crush each other.
[08:21] Oso
You guys...
[08:23] Oso
better prepare yourselves.
[08:26] Kara
Yes, this is where the true battle began.
[08:28] Kara
The limitless, no-brakes Matsuno
Family mahjong has begun.
[08:33] Kara
The first one to catch
the flow was Osomatsu.
SIGN Matsuno Family Mahjong East Hand 1
[08:35] Kara
He remained dealer for several hands.
[08:38] Oso
Ron.
[08:39] Oso
5,800, so 6,100.
[08:43] ---
Tsumo.
[08:44] Oso
3,200 from all, so 3,400 from all.
[08:47] Oso
Tsumo.
[08:49] Oso
6,000 from all, so 6,300 from all.
[08:52] Oso
Ron. 1,500, so 2,700.
[08:54] Oso
Tsumo. 2,000 from all, so 2,500 from all.
[08:57] Oso
Tenpai.
[08:58] Oso
Tsumo. 1,300 from all, so 2,000 from all.
[09:01] ---
Ron.
[09:02] Oso
9,600, so 12,000.
[09:04] Oso
Tsumo. 4,000 from all, so 4,900 from all.
[09:06] Oso
Tsumo. 1,300 from all, so...
[09:10] Kara
Eventually, there were over
50,000 bonus counters.
SIGN East Hand 1 Bonus: 50,042
[09:14] Oso
Riichi.
[09:16] Oso
Since you can't bust, I'm going to
squeeze everything I can out of you.
[09:19] Todo
Damn it. I can't let him win any more.
[09:22] Todo
I'm going for it with this safe tile...
[09:27] Todo
Go, safe tile! Go through!
[09:37] Todo
I-It passed!
[09:39] Todo
All right!
[09:39] Oso
Well, of course it'll pass if it's a safe tile.
[09:42] Todo
Yeah! Yay!
[09:42] Oso
Don't be so happy, Totty! It's a safe tile!
[09:44] Todo
I did it! Congratulations!
[09:45] Oso
Please stop!
[09:46] Todo
Thank you!
[09:46] Oso
It's seriously annoying! Stop!
[09:49] Choro
I can't lose, either.
[09:51] Choro
This risky tile...
[09:53] Choro
Go through!
[09:59] Choro
It passed! Wahoo!
[10:01] Oso
Uh, that's also a safe tile.
I've already discarded one!
[10:05] Oso
Wait, you wrote on this
with a pen, Choromatsu!
[10:09] Oso
Why are you guys fooling around now?
[10:10] Oso
Don't do this just because you're losing!
[10:12] Kara
The time has finally come.
[10:12] Oso
Huh?!
[10:13] Kara
The Godhand Jyushimatsu!
[10:16] Kara
Yeah!
[10:17] Oso
Uh, that yaku doesn't exist! Also,
why do you have that many 1 of bamboo?
[10:19] Both
Wow!
[10:20] Oso
What the hell is a godhand?!
[10:22] Jyu
Here, pon!
[10:23] Jyu
Chi! Pon! Chi! And then...
[10:27] Jyu
Naked wait!
[10:28] Oso
That's enough of that! Let's just play mahjong!
[10:30] Ichi
I did it!
[10:32] Ichi
H-Hijirisawa Shonosuke!
[10:35] Five
Yeah! Daisangen! Doot do do!
[10:39] Five
Tsuuiisou! Pon, chi, pon, chi, Hijirisawa!
[10:45] Oso
You guys don't play fair!
[10:47] Oso
I was totally winning!
[10:51] Oso
I'm never playing mahjong
with you guys again!
[10:54] Oso
Never!
SIGN "Godmatsu"
[11:00] Oso
Man, I'm so over it.
[11:03] Choro
Over what?
[11:04] Oso
Being with you guys.
[11:06] Choro
Huh?
[11:06] Oso
I mean, I'm around guys with
the same face every single day.
[11:10] Oso
We're all adults now. Why don't you
guys go find your own place to live?
[11:14] Choro
Uh, that would include you!
You've got nerve to say that!
[11:16] Todo
Rising Fappyski-niisan.
[11:18] Choro
Who the hell is Rising Fappyski-niisan?
[11:20] Todo
So, what? Are you trying to act
like the honor student again?
[11:23] Choro
No, I'm not...
[11:26] Choro
I'm a failure, as well. I'll admit that.
[11:29] Oso
What?! You admit that?
[11:30] Todo
You don't want to work anymore?!
[11:31] Choro
No, not...
[11:34] Choro
...in the least.
[11:38] Ichi
What about job hunting?
[11:39] Choro
I don't... don't, don't... feel like doing that at all.
[11:45] Kara
Do you want someone to take
care of you all your life?
[11:48] Choro
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
[11:51] Jyu
In reality?
[11:52] Choro
I want to spend my life
chasing after cute idols.
[11:56] Choro
What the hell are you making me say?!
[11:58] Oso
Aw, man... If Choromatsu's
like this now, we're done for.
[12:04] Todo
Yep. Done for.
[12:08] Some
We're done.
[12:10] Kami
Still... We'll have to work someday.
[12:14] Choro
Well, that's true, but...
[12:16] Oso
That sucks.
[12:17] Both
Totally sucks.
[12:26] Oso
Well, shall we?
[12:37] Todo
The night breeze feels nice.
[12:40] Oso
Oh, yeah. We haven't been
to Chibita's in a while.
[12:44] Kara
Yeah, he's probably lonely.
[12:46] Kami
I want some oden.
[12:48] Todo
Same here. Chibita's oden is so—
[12:53] Choro
What's wrong, Totty?
[12:54] Todo
Is someone following us?
I feel a strange presence.
[12:58] Oso
Huh? Are you getting all scared again?
[13:00] Ichi
Here we go... So annoying.
[13:02] Todo
No, it's not like that...
[13:09] Oso
Hey... Isn't it kinda crowded in here today?
[13:11] Choro
Yeah, I wonder why.
[13:13] Kami
Sorry.
[13:14] Kara
Hey, scoot over a little.
[13:16] Ichi
I can't.
[13:17] Kami
Wouldn't want to catch a chill after a bath.
[13:19] Todo
Yeah, that's the worst for your—
[13:23] Todo
Who are you?!
[13:24] Four
What?!
[13:30] Oso
Wh-Wha?!
[13:31] Jyu
Right?
[13:32] Jyu
He's there, right? Right?
[13:34] Ichi
You noticed him, Jyushimatsu?
[13:35] Jyu
Well, duh.
[13:37] Ichi
Why didn't you say anything?
[13:38] Jyu
Duh.
[13:38] Ichi
People would usually mention that!
[13:39] Jyu
Duh!
[13:41] Ichi
What?!
[13:42] Kara
Wh-Who are you? Who are you?
[13:44] Kami
Sorry for surprising you. I'm Godmatsu.
[13:49] Kami
I'm your seventh brother who
was born from all of you.
[13:52] All
Huh?
[13:53] Kami
I was born when, every day, a little
bit of good fell off of you guys,
[13:59] Kami
and all of that goodness gradually came
together to create the godliest, purest Matsu.
[14:05] Kami
Perfect among the perfect.
The ideal among the ideal.
[14:09] Kami
That's me, Godmatsu.
[14:13] Oso
Sorry, you lost me.
[14:14] God
Huh?
[14:15] Choro
I don't get it at all.
[14:16] God
Ah...
[14:17] Oso
Would you draw it for us?
[14:21] Kami
Oh, sure.
SIGN Good Hearts
SIGN God
[14:25] Kami
Like this.
[14:26] Six
Huh...
[14:27] Six
I see.
[14:28] Oso
I guess stuff like this happens.
[14:30] Choro
And the shocking truth is that
gathering this from six of us was
[14:33] Choro
barely enough to make one person.
[14:35] Todo
And? What's your motive?
[14:38] Kami
Motive?
[14:39] Todo
You were born to do something, right?
What do you want to do with us?
[14:45] Kami
Nothing, really.
[14:46] Todo
"Nothing, really"?!
[14:47] Kami
Yeah. I mean, I was given
life because of you guys.
[14:52] Kami
Not to mention, I have clothes to
wear, and a futon to sleep in.
[14:55] Kami
What else could I wish for?
[14:57] Todo
But, I mean...
[14:58] Ichi
Huh?
[14:59] Ichi
Jyushimatsu!
[15:00] Jyu
Yeah?
[15:01] Ichi
Why are you sleeping now?
Nothing's been resolved yet.
[15:07] Jyu
But it's late. Let's go to sleep.
[15:14] Oso
Yes, this is where the Hell
brought upon us by God began.
[15:25] Oso
Man, I lost! I never expected Sheehkai Teio to win!
[15:30] Kami
Osomatsu-niisan, here.
[15:31] Oso
Huh?
[15:33] Oso
Wh-What?! This is a winning ticket!
[15:36] God
I bought it for you.
[15:40] Oso
Th-Thanks...
[15:47] Kara
Oh, brother!
SIGN Hashimoto Nyaa
[15:52] Choro
I don't have the money...
[15:53] Kami
Choromatsu-niisan, here.
SIGN Nyaa Live
Special VIP Seat
[15:57] Choro
Huh?
[15:58] Choro
Y-You're kidding, right? What?!
[16:10] Jyu
Here it comes!
[16:19] Jyu
What?!
[16:21] Kami
I've never been a coordinator...
[16:24] Kami
But I hope there's a girl here
that you like, Nii-san.
[16:28] Todo
Wha? What?
[16:30] Kami
This is good.
[16:33] Kami
Your oden is the best, Chibita-kun.
[16:35] Chibi
Oh, stop it, you idjit.
Flattery will get you nowhere.
[16:39] Kami
Wow, thanks!
[16:43] Chibi
What's wrong with you guys?
You're awfully quiet, you idjits.
[16:48] Chibi
Hey.
[16:50] Oso
Chibita, our check...
[16:52] Chibi
I already got it.
[16:53] Oso
You got it?
[16:54] Chibi
See? From Godmatsu.
[17:03] Chibi
You guys gonna be okay? I mean, with a
great guy like that as your new brother...
SIGN A Few Days Later
[17:12] Mom
Godmacchan!
[17:13] Dad
Godmacchan!
[17:14] Mom
Hey, Godmacchan!
[17:16] Dad
Hey, Godmacchan!
[17:18] God
Oh, yeah. Here.
[17:20] Mom
What is it?
[17:21] Kami
Money. I'll be putting 30,000 yen
toward the household every month.
[17:26] Mom
Y-You don't have to...
[17:28] Dad
Where did you get this money?
[17:31] Kami
Huh? I'm already working.
[17:34] Dad
Y-You got a job?
[17:37] Kami
Yeah.
[17:39] Both
Godmacchan!
[17:40] Kami
Well, it's been about five days since I was born.
[17:44] Kami
It's only natural that I put some
money toward the household.
[17:47] Mom
I'm so happy! Even though I don't
remember giving birth to you at all!
[17:50] Dad
Wait, dear. I think what Godmacchan
is saying is actually normal.
[17:55] Mom
Huh?
[17:56] Dad
I think we might have been too accepting
of our sons being unemployed virgins.
[18:02] Mom
You're right. I've seen the light.
[18:05] Mom
Hold it, you NEETs.
[18:07] Mom
No, you maggots.
[18:10] Mom
When are you going to start working?
[18:12] Six
Well, uh...
[18:14] Kami
Don't, Mom.
[18:15] All
Huh?
[18:16] Kami
I think everyone has their own pace.
[18:20] Kami
I'm me, and my brothers are my brothers.
[18:24] Kami
Right?
[18:26] Mom
Godmacchan!
[18:28] Dad
God!
[18:29] Mom
You are God!
[18:34] Choro
Wait, what?
[18:36] Choro
Osomatsu-niisan, explain that again.
[18:39] Oso
I'm saying...
[18:41] Oso
Godmatsu will come into
the room like this, right?
[18:44] Oso
Then we...
[18:46] Oso
Like this!
[18:48] Choro
I see. Instant death.
[18:50] Todo
Then how about this?
[18:52] Todo
When he comes in...
[18:54] Choro
Ooh, mincemeat.
[18:56] Kara
I'll plug him full of holes.
[18:58] Ichi
I'll take him with me.
[18:59] Jyu
Yeah, yeah!
[19:01] Choro
You're all awesome! I love you all, brothers!
[19:07] Oso
Man, who knew it would end this way?
[19:10] Todo
It can't be helped. He opened Mom and Dad's eyes.
[19:14] Choro
Not to mention, he covered for us.
[19:19] Kara
He's done nothing wrong. He has no faults.
[19:23] Ichi
And that's exactly why, ironically,
we have no other option but to kill him.
[19:28] Jyu
Life is complicated.
[19:29] Todo
It sure is, Jyushimatsu-niisan!
[19:48] Six
Huh?
[19:50] Oso
Wh-What is that?
[19:52] Todo
H-He's gotten taller...
A-And his face is different.
[19:55] Ichi
And he's got a short back and sides!
[19:57] Kara
H-He's powered up... What happened?!
[20:01] Choro
That's it! Crap!
[20:03] Oso
What's wrong?
[20:03] Choro
Because we were going to kill him...
[20:05] Choro
Because of that, more of
our goodness fell from us.
[20:09] Choro
And he absorbed it all!
[20:14] Ichi
You mean...
[20:14] Ichi
The more evil we plot, the bigger he'll get,
until he becomes the ultimate God?!
[20:20] Kara
Not good... We've got a real problem here.
[20:22] Kara
We won't be able to defeat him easily.
[20:24] Todo
Wh-What should we do?
[20:27] Toto
Godmatsu-kun!
[20:30] Kami
Yes?
[20:31] Toto
Are you done yet? Let's hurry and go on our date.
[20:34] Kami
Sure, I'll be right there.
[20:40] Oso
Even Totoko-chan?!
[20:43] Kami
It's a bit early for that, Totoko-chan.
[20:48] Toto
You smell so nice, Godmatsu-kun.
[20:52] Kami
Oh? Is this your first time?
[20:56] Toto
Huh?
[20:57] Toto
Yeah...
[21:02] Oso
C-Crap...
[21:05] Oso
How the hell are we supposed
to beat a guy like that?!
SIGN Inokashira Heights
[21:15] God
W-Wait a sec...
[21:18] Three
What?!
[21:22] Bad
Hah! Too easy. The good parts of a person?
[21:26] Bad
Now, now. You shouldn't underestimate
the shitty parts of us, either.
[21:33] Bad
My brothers! You need to have more
confidence in your shittiness!
[21:38] Bad
And you may call upon me,
Evilmatsu, again at any time!
[21:50] Toto
I... I never would have thought...
[21:53] Toto
This, and then that happened, and now this...
[21:56] Mom
I'm surprised.
[21:57] Dad
We just saw something incredible.
SIGN End
SIGN Next Time on Osomatsu-san
[23:32] Todo
This is Todomatsu.
[23:34] Todo
Next week's Osomatsu-san is...
[23:36] Todo
Huh? A... A bend in the space-time continuum!
[23:40] Todo
Whoa! Save me, Nii-sans!
[23:43] Todo
A-A-Aroma—!
SIGN "The Star of Hope, Todomatsu" "Final Sheeeh"
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