E11 - Christmas Osomatsu-san

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Merry Xmas
SIGN    Matsu
[00:21] Mom
    Dear...
[00:22] Dad
    This is bad. The mental degradation
    of having nothing to do
[00:25] Dad
    on Christmas Eve has spread to their bodies.
[00:27] Todo
    Merry... Merry Christmas...
[00:30] Jyu
    Merry Grizmaurgh...
[00:32] Choro
    Christmachu! Christmachu!
[00:34] Kara
    Merry, merry, merry!
[00:41] Todo
    Want some cake?
[00:45] Jyu
    So sweet...
[00:48] Ichi
    I-I-It's so sweet...
[00:51] Chro
    Cake! Christmachu cake!
[00:53] Oso
    Sweet! Sweety sweet! Sweet! Sweet!
[00:54] Dad
    They're monsters...
[00:59] Todo
    Christmas Osomatsu-san...
[01:02] Five
    ...is about to start!
[01:09] Dad
    That's just wrong.
SIGN    "Black Santa"
[02:42] Girl
    That was delicious.
[02:43] Guy
    Really?
[02:44] Guy
    Then let's go to that restaurant
    again next Christmas.
[02:47] Girl
    Yeah.
[03:00] Ichi
    Good evening.
[03:03] Ichi
    Uh, good evening.
[03:05] Guy
    Oh, g-good evening...
[03:16] Girl
    Who is that?
[03:17] Guy
    I have no idea.
[03:23] Girl
    He's sitting next to us!
[03:24] Ichi
    Man, it's cold, isn't it?
[03:28] Ichi
    Uh, it's cold, isn't it?
[03:30] Guy
    Y-Yes...
[03:41] Guy
    Um...
[03:41] Ichi
    You on a date?
[03:42] Guy
    Pardon?
[03:43] Ichi
    Are you on a date?
[03:46] Guy
    Yes...
[03:46] Ichi
    I see.
[03:58] Guy
    Um—
[03:59] Ichi
    You two look good together.
[04:01] Guy
    Huh? Oh.
[04:03] Both
    Thank you.
[04:16] Ichi
    You dumbass, I'll kill you.
[04:23] Ichi
    And? What are your plans after this?
[04:25] Guy
    Huh? Um... We haven't really decided.
[04:28] Ichi
    Going home, then?
[04:31] Guy
    What should we do?
[04:33] Girl
    I'm not sure.
[04:34] Guy
    Is it almost time for the last train?
[04:37] Girl
    Yeah.
[04:38] Guy
    Do you have to get up early tomorrow?
[04:40] Girl
    No, I have the day off.
[04:42] Guy
    Oh, I see...
[04:50] Guy
    Wanna spend the ni—
[04:52] Girl
    What in the world?!
[04:53] Guy
    Spontaneous human combustion!
[04:58] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "Picked Up by a Girl"
[05:06] Kara
    My name is Karamatsu.
[05:08] Kara
    I'm a guy who doesn't panic even if he
    doesn't have a girlfriend on Christmas.
[05:12] Kara
    There's no point in love
    if you have to compromise.
[05:14] Kara
    I will not be swayed by society.
[05:18] Kara
    I will live alone.
[05:19] Kara
    I will not falter.
[05:21] Girl
    Um...
[05:24] Girl
    I'm sorry this is rather sudden,
    but are you free right now?
[05:28] Kara
    So you've come, Karamatsu girls.
[05:30] Kara
    Now, will this encounter...
[05:33] Kara
    grow into true love?
[05:38] Suit
    That'll be 860,000 yen.
[05:41] ---
    My God, that's high!
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
[05:49] Totoko
    Christmas... It is a day of miracles,
    when Santa grants your wish.
[05:54] Toto
    I don't want any money.
    I don't even want a boyfriend.
[05:57] Toto
    Yes, all you need is
[05:59] Toto
    an unwavering heart that believes
    that a miracle will happen.
SIGN    Way Too Sweet!! Fujioya
[06:08] Toto
    Would you like to try our Christmas cakes?
[06:10] Toto
    They're cheap! How about it?
[06:17] Toto
    I guess I'm alone again this year.
[06:19] Toto
    I guess Santa just doesn't...
[06:22] Choro
    Totoko-san.
[06:24] Toto
    Choromatsu-kun?
[06:28] Toto
    What brings you here?
[06:30] Choro
    What brings me here? Why, I came to see you.
[06:34] Toto
    Huh?
[06:36] Choro
    Sorry, I should have realized.
[06:39] Choro
    You're probably cold.
[06:41] Toto
    Th-Thank you.
[06:44] Toto
    It smells so nice.
[06:46] Choro
    There's something I wanted to show you.
[06:48] Toto
    Huh? What's that?
[06:51] Choro
    Here we go.
[06:57] Toto
    Wh-What is this doing here?
[06:59] Choro
    I made it.
[07:00] Toto
    You made it?!
[07:01] Choro
    Yes.
[07:03] Choro
    I made this light display for you.
[07:07] Toto
    Nothing less from the beauty genius!
    He can create a light display easily!
[07:11] Jyu
    Choromatsu-niisan.
    No fair getting the jump on us.
[07:15] Toto
    J-Jyushimatsu-kun!
[07:18] Jyu
    Good evening, Princess.
[07:20] Toto
    Huh?
[07:21] Jyu
    Well, let's climb up.
[07:22] Toto
    Climb?
[07:26] Toto
    I've never done anything like this.
[07:28] Toto
    I'm actually climbing up
    a light display right now.
[07:32] Jyu
    Look.
[07:33] Toto
    Wow, it's so pretty!
[07:36] Jyu
    It's too early to be surprised.
[07:38] Jyu
    Take a look at that building.
[07:39] Toto
    Huh?
[07:40] Jyu
    Here we go!
SIGN    I Like You
SIGN    I Like You
[07:44] Toto
    This is...
[07:45] Jyu
    That's not all!
SIGN    Love
SIGN    I Love You
[07:50] Toto
    You're kidding...
[07:51] Jyu
    And...
[07:54] Toto
    Wha... What?!
[07:57] Jyu
    And now for the finale!
[08:07] Toto
    What?! How did you do that?!
[08:10] Jyu
    Merry Christmas.
[08:11] Toto
    No, seriously, how did you do that?!
[08:14] Toto
    This isn't good.
[08:16] Toto
    This really isn't good.
[08:17] Jyu
    Hey, what do you wanna do next?
[08:19] Choro
    Let's see...
[08:24] Toto
    It's jam-packed...
[08:27] Kara
    Looks like it's my turn.
[08:30] Toto
    K-Karamatsu-kun?
[08:32] Kara
    Hey, Ugly.
[08:33] Toto
    Wha—
[08:34] Kara
    Hold this.
[08:35] Toto
    Wai—
[08:37] Toto
    This is the dress I've been
    wanting for a while now...
[08:41] Kara
    Hey, you assholes!
[08:42] ---
    Huh?
[08:43] Kara
    You're gonna have to die.
[08:45] Guys
    Huh?
[08:50] Kara
    Merry!
[08:51] Kara
    Merry!
[08:53] Kara
    Christmas!
[09:02] Kara
    I cleared the way so you can get through.
[09:04] Toto
    H-He's so nice!
[09:10] Toto
    And so I ended up being driven
    out by Emperor Whatshisname.
[09:15] Ichi
    Hey.
[09:17] Toto
    I-Ichimatsu-kun?
[09:20] Ichi
    Over here.
[09:24] Toto
    Thanks, Ichimatsu-kun. You saved me.
[09:28] Ichi
    No problem.
[09:30] Toto
    Huh?
[09:32] Ichi
    It's warmer this way.
[09:39] Ichi
    Merry Christmas.
[09:43] Toto
    And so I ended up going to
    dinner with Osomatsu-kun.
[09:47] Oso
    A lot happened today, Totoko-chan.
[09:50] Oso
    And what's about to happen is
    my Christmas present to you.
[09:57] Toto
    Huh?
[09:58] Toto
    Snow? You can make it snow, Osomatsu-kun?
[10:02] Oso
    Well, I am Santa.
[10:04] Toto
    I never knew!
[10:07] Oso
    Totoko-chan.
[10:11] Oso
    Merry Christmas.
[10:16] Toto
    And when I got home, there was
    one more Santa waiting for me.
[10:21] Todo
    Merry Christmas!
[10:24] Todo
    Well, let's go!
[10:25] Toto
    Huh?
[10:26] Toto
    Huh?!
[10:29] Toto
    I've never experienced this before...
    I'm flying through the sky!
[10:33] Oso
    Hey, Todomatsu.
[10:35] Oso
    She's my bride.
[10:37] Kara
    No, she's mine.
[10:38] Choro
    She is my fiancée.
[10:40] Ichi
    She's my little lady.
[10:41] Jyu
    My wife!
[10:44] Todo
    Oh, all right. Just for tonight,
    she belongs to all of us.
[10:59] Toto
    We went on from there
SIGN    Love Hotel
[11:03] Toto
    to destroy every love hotel in town.
[11:07] Toto
    Christmas... It is a day of miracles.
[11:12] Toto
    Anything can happen.
SIGN    "Exchanging Presents"
[11:23] Oso
    All right, so...
[11:25] Oso
    We will now begin the 2015
    Matsuno Family Christmas Party.
[11:30] Oso
    Merry Christmas, everyone.
[11:33] Four
    Merry... Christmas...
[11:33] Four
    Merry... Christmas...
[11:35] Choro
    What kind of mood is this?
[11:37] Choro
    If we're not into it,
    we don't have to do it.
[11:38] Oso
    All right, let's exchange presents. Take 'em out.
[11:42] Kara
    Okay.
[11:43] Both
    Okay.
[11:45] Oso
    All right, let's pass them around. Ready, and...
[11:47] Five
    Die, die, die, die, die... die.
[11:51] Five
    Die, die, die, die, die... die.
[11:54] Choro
    Seriously, what's with this mood?
[11:55] Five
    Die, die, die, die, die... die.
[11:58] Five
    Die, die, die, die, die... die.
[12:02] Five
    Die, die, die, die, die... die.
[12:04] Choro
    Who is this party even for?
[12:06] Five
    Die, die, die, die, die... die.
[12:09] Oso
    All right, did everyone get
    a different one? I got...
[12:12] Oso
    Ugh, Jyushimatsu. I bet it's just junk.
SIGN    Jyushi
[12:16] Todo
    Aw, man. I got Choromatsu-niisan's. So lame.
[12:19] Choro
    Hey.
[12:20] Jyu
    I got Ichimatsu-niisan's.
    I wonder if it's a bomb.
[12:23] Kara
    I got Totty's. I'm safe.
[12:25] Choro
    I got Osomatsu-niisan...
    What about you, Ichimatsu?
SIGN    Karamatsu
[12:30] Ichi
    God... Oh, God...
[12:33] Choro
    That's too bad.
[12:34] Oso
    All right, let's open them all at once.
[12:36] Oso
    Ready, and...
[12:38] All
    Go.
[12:42] Choro
    What... is this?
[12:49] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[12:53] Iyami
    Matches... Do you need any matches?
    They burn really well.
SIGN    The Little Match Iyami
[13:00] Iyami
    Do you need any matches?
[13:02] Iaymi
    Matches from France,
    only 1,900 yen! A great deal!
[13:05] Iyami
    Please buy some!
[13:10] Iaymi
    If you don't buy them,
    me is going to starve to death.
[13:13] Iyami
    You'll be left full of guilt. Buy them!
[13:19] Iyami
    Me is going to die! Are you okay with that?!
[13:23] Iyami
    Me is going to die! Oh, me is going to die.
[13:25] Iyami
    Me is going to die!
[13:30] Iyami
    The world is so cold.
    Me is suffering so much, and yet...
SIGN    These Are Matches
[13:36] Iyami
    These are meant to be sold, but...
[13:39] Iyami
    Ah... So warm.
[13:54] Old
    Merry Christmas, my boy.
[13:57] Old
    Merry Christmas.
[13:58] Old
    This is all for you, my boy.
[14:01] Old
    Enjoy it all!
[14:04] Dayon
    I will!
[14:09] Old
    No! Save us!
[14:11] Old
    Oh, God!
[14:18] Iyami
    Sheeh!
[14:20] Oso
    Shut up!
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "Love"
SIGN    Open Year-Round
    Super-Duper Cheap
SIGN    Roast Turkey
SIGN    40% Off!
SIGN    Ero MAX
[16:04] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "Jyushimatsu and Santa"
[16:20] Oso
    Jyushimatsu's waiting for Santa again...
[16:23] Oso
    He's done this ever since he was a kid.
[16:26] Todo
    It's definitely not cute, is it?
[16:28] Choro
    No, it's not. It's really bad for a guy over twenty.
[16:30] Oso
    Ichimatsu, could you nonchalantly put
    his present in, like you usually do?
[16:34] Ichi
    Yeah.
[16:47] Jyu
    Santa's here!
[16:50] Five
    What?
[16:51] Jyu
    Santa's here!
[16:52] Todo
    Yeah, yeah. It's cold. Shut the window.
[16:54] Jyu
    He's here!
[16:55] Kara
    It's cold.
[16:56] Jyu
    Santa's here!
[16:57] Ichi
    Jyushimatsu.
[16:58] Jyu
    Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!
[17:01] Oso
    Shut up!
[17:03] Five
    Now he's actually saying he's seen him.
[17:05] Five
    This isn't good.
[17:06] Fiive
    Not at all.
[17:25] Jyu
    I caught him!
[17:26] Choro
    You wanted to catch him?!
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
[17:33] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
[17:35] Chibi
    You hate Christmas?
SIGN    "Christmas Drinking"
[17:37] Chibi
    Oh, please. You guys used to
    love it when you were kids.
[17:41] Chibi
    You're just jealous because
    you don't have girlfriends.
[17:43] Chibi
    I can't believe you're irritated
    just because of that.
SIGN    Killer Super Hot
    
    Habanero
    
    Instant Death Powder
[17:45] Chibi
    Jeez.
[17:46] Chibi
    Talk about pathetic. You idjits.
[17:48] Choro
    Uh, you seem more irritated
    than anyone, Chibita.
[17:51] Choro
    What is this hellish hot pot?
    I can only feel hatred from it.
[17:53] Chibi
    Y'all should just die, you idjits!
[17:55] Jyu
    So hot!
SIGN    Oden
[17:56] Oso
    Chibita, introduce us to someone.
[17:59] Chibi
    Huh?
[17:59] Oso
    Hey, don't you have anyone
    you're interested in, Chibita?
[18:02] Chibi
    O-Of course I don't, you idjit.
[18:04] Chibi
    Oden is my life. You might as well say
    oden is my girlfriend, you idjit.
[18:07] Oso
    He actually said oden is his
    girlfriend. That's not good.
[18:10] Choro
    What about you, Totty?
[18:11] Todo
    Huh?
[18:12] Choro
    You know, those girls you met at
    Sutabaa. Have you heard from them?
[18:16] Todo
    They haven't sent me a Line back since.
[18:18] Ichi
    Huh. Why's that?
[18:20] Todo
    Why?! You really have the
    nerve to ask me that?
[18:23] Todo
    What was that face?!
    What kind of emotion was that?!
[18:25] Choro
    Well, you know, we don't really
    need girlfriends right now.
[18:28] Choro
    It's actually more fun drinking
    with just us guys—
[18:31] Both
    There it is!
[18:32] Choro
    Huh?
[18:33] Oso
    There it is.
[18:34] Todo
    Yup.
[18:35] Choro
    What?
[18:36] Oso
    That's the scariest logic
    you can have, Cherrymatsu.
[18:39] Choro
    Cherrymatsu?
[18:40] Oso
    It's more fun with just us guys?
[18:41] Oso
    What?! Of course it's not.
[18:43] Todo
    Don't you always want to be with girls?
    Don't you always want to talk to them?
[18:46] Todo
    Don't you always want them to
    touch you and to touch them?
[18:51] Choro
    Sorry.
[18:52] Oso
    Be more careful, you idiot.
[18:53] Todo
    Idiot.
[18:54] Choro
    Idiot? Come on...
[18:55] Oso
    Man, I'm definitely going to spend this
    time next year with my girlfriend.
[18:59] Todo
    Definitely next year.
[19:00] Kara
    Yeah, next year.
[19:01] Jyu
    Next year! Next year!
[19:03] Ichi
    Next life. Next life.
[19:06] Choro
    Yeah.
[19:08] Chibi
    Uh...
[19:09] Chibi
    That's probably not happening.
[19:10] Six
    Huh?
[19:11] Chibi
    You guys are all unemployed,
    not to mention broke.
[19:15] Chibi
    How are you going to get
    girlfriends, you idjits?
[19:16] Oso
    No, no, Chibita-kun. It's not
    money that makes the man.
[19:19] Todo
    You're so superficial.
[19:21] Jyu
    Chibita, what's important is what's on the inside.
[19:23] Chibi
    Where did you learn that, Jyushimatsu?!
[19:32] Hata
    Merry Christmas, dajo. Merry Christmas, dajo.
[19:41] Hata
    We're going to Finland, jo.
[19:43] Girls
    Mr. Flag! Mr. Flag! Mr. Flag!
[19:53] Jyu
    Yeah, it's the money.
[19:54] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[20:00] Six
    Please! Date us!
SIGN    "Groveling"
[20:04] Toto
    Please! Go home!
[20:06] Six
    Please! Date us!
[20:07] Toto
    Please! Go home!
[20:09] Six
    Please date us!
[20:10] Toto
    Please go home!
[20:11] Six
    Date us!
[20:11] Toto
    Go home!
[20:12] Six
    Date us!
[20:13] Toto
    Go home!
[20:13] Six
    Date!
[20:14] Toto
    Get the hell out!
[20:17] Dad
    They're at it again this year.
[20:19] Mom
    It's definitely Christmas.
[20:24] Oso
    Totoko-chan, is there really no chance?
[20:27] Toto
    No.
[20:27] Oso
    Why?
[20:29] Toto
    I appreciate the sentiment.
[20:30] Toto
    But I really don't think it's feasible,
    considering it's six to one.
[20:34] Todo
    I see...
[20:35] Todo
    Then we'll beat the crap out of each other,
    and the one that's left standing...
[20:40] Toto
    That's not going to work, either.
[20:46] Kara
    Totoko-chan, I'll give you an amazing present.
[20:49] Toto
    I'll take the present.
[20:51] Ichi
    I'll pay you.
[20:52] Toto
    I'll take the money.
[20:53] Jyu
    What else do you want us to do?
[20:54] Toto
    I'd like for you to go home.
[20:55] Choro
    Just what's wrong with us?
[20:57] Toto
    Get a clue.
[20:57] Choro
    Oh, that we're unemployed?
[20:59] Toto
    Feel it.
[20:59] Choro
    That we're virgins?
[21:07] Oso
    It's no use.
[21:10] Oso
    I guess there's only one last thing we can do.
[21:12] Todo
    Yup. I guess so.
[21:15] Six
    Please! At least take a picture with
    us that looks like we went on a date!
[21:19] Toto
    Please! I don't want to create a false reality!
[21:21] Six
    Please! Take a picture with us!
[21:23] Toto
    Please! Go home!
[21:25] Six
    A picture!
[21:25] Toto
    Go home!
[21:26] Six
    Picture!
[21:27] Toto
    Get the hell out!
SIGN    Dayon Counseling Room
[23:06] Nar
    The Dayon Counseling Room.
[23:08] Nar
    This is a secret counseling room where
    the cast of the anime "Osomatsu-san"
    
[23:13] Nar
    express how they really feel.
[23:16] Kara
    I'm coming in.
SIGN    This Week's Client Karamatsu
[23:23] Kara
    This year is finally coming to a close.
[23:25] Kara
    We're about to go into our second cour,
    but there's something I'd like to discuss.
[23:29] Kara
    When we start our second cour,
[23:31] Kara
    I implore you, just a tiny bit would be fine,
    so could we treat me a little bet—
[23:39] Kara
    We're getting comments from
    people who feel sorry for me!
SIGN    End