E23 - Kerosene / Dayon Tribe

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "Kerosene"
[01:43] Oso
    Thanks.
[02:53] Oso
    Hey, go.
[02:56] Oso
    Someone go. You heard it go off, didn't you?
[02:59] Ichi
    The kerosene ran out.
    You guys realize that, don't you?
[03:02] Choro
    Come on, now. This is just a waste of time.
[03:04] Choro
    Someone's going to have to go eventually.
[03:07] Todo
    Man, we're NEETs and you guys
    hate doing even this much work?
[03:11] Todo
    You really are failures as humans.
[03:13] Oso
    You scumbags, hurry up and go.
[03:14] Ichi
    Are you all children? Hurry and go.
[03:16] Choro
    Go.
[03:17] Todo
    Come on, go!
[03:19] Four
    Hurry up!
[03:21] Kara
    Wait, why me?! That's messed up!
[03:24] Kara
    Stop looking at me!
[03:25] Kara
    I mean, I filled it up yesterday
    and the day before that.
[03:28] Kara
    I'm not doing it today.
[03:31] Kara
    I had been doing it because I care for all of you.
[03:34] Kara
    But then I realized that
    too much love ruins a person.
[03:37] Kara
    It's important to also let them go at times.
[03:39] Kara
    Brothers, for the sake of love,
[03:42] Kara
    tonight I'm expressing all of my love
    by not refilling the kerosene.
[03:45] Kara
    Ow! Hot!
[03:47] Todo
    Oh, sorry.
[03:49] Kara
    Brother! Even if you do something
    like that, I'm not moving a step.
[03:54] Oso
    What the hell? He's being
    more stubborn than usual..
[03:57] Ichi
    This screws up my calculations.
[04:02] Oso
    J-Jyushimatsu's actually
    asleep at a time like this.
[04:06] Oso
    He's automatically out of the running. No fair!
[04:09] Choro
    Wait, just how cold is he?
[04:10] Choro
    I didn't even think he understood
    "cold" since he's so stupid.
[04:14] Todo
    H-Hey, guys... Ichimatsu-niisan is...
[04:18] Todo
    ...pretending to be asleep!
[04:21] Choro
    That dirty bastard! He's copying Jyushimatsu!
[04:24] Choro
    He's trying to put himself out of the running.
[04:26] Todo
    You fiend! You vile villain!
[04:29] Oso
    It's not gonna be that easy, Ichimatsu.
[04:33] Oso
    You're awake, aren't you? Huh?
[04:35] Oso
    You're awake, aren't you?
[04:36] Oso
    You're awake, aren't you? Hey!
[04:39] Chohro
    Ew! It came out his mouth!
[04:41] Oso
    Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu?
[04:43] Oso
    Hey, Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu, hey!
[04:47] Oso
    Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu!
[04:49] Choro
    Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey...
[04:52] Oso
    Ichimatsu?! Ichimatsu-chan?!
[04:55] Choro
    Wait, he's gonna die, die, die! He's gonna die!
[04:57] Choro
    At this rate, it'd be easier to just
    go fill the kerosene, Ichimatsu!
[05:06] Choro
    Are you kidding me?! His tenacity is amazing!
[05:09] Oso
    Not bad, little brother.
[05:11] Oso
    Huh? What?
[05:12] Oso
    C-Crap! I suddenly need to pee, now of all times!
[05:17] Todo
    It's finally happening.
[05:20] Oso
    That asshole! The tea!
[05:22] Oso
    I get it now. I thought you were being oddly nice,
[05:25] Oso
    but it was a trap set over a long span of time!
[05:29] Choro
    Well done, Totty. Now he's gotta
    stand up to go to the bathroom.
[05:32] Choro
    That'll automatically put the responsibility
    to fill up the kerosene into effect.
[05:36] Choro
    However...
[05:42] Todo
    Ow, ow, ow! Hey, hey, hey!
[05:44] Choro
    Yes...
[05:45] Choro
    It's faster to kill you than wait for him to pee.
[05:50] Todo
    Ow! Hey! Ow, ow, ow, ow!
[05:53] Todo
    Wait, so this is the result?!
    These assholes resort to violence again?!
[05:56] Todo
    What was the point of the battle
    of wits up to now, you scum?!
[06:06] Todo
    No way in hell!
[06:08] Todo
    Even if my legs become mincemeat,
    I'm not going to refill the kerosene!
[06:13] Todo
    Just you watch!
[06:18] Oso
    Silly youngest brother.
[06:20] Ichi
    Making us go through all that...
[06:21] Choro
    You should've gone in the first place.
[06:23] Kara
    Sorry, Totty.
[06:26] Todo
    Guys, I'm gonna air things out a bit.
[06:29] All
    Huh?
[06:32] All
    What?!
[06:35] Todo
    You can all die! This is a war of attrition!
[06:38] Oso
    Just how eccentric is he?! Is he stupid?!
[06:40] Ichi
    I've been telling you all this time!
[06:41] Ichi
    The most dangerous one of us is Todomatsu!
[06:44] Kara
    Totty!
[06:45] Choro
    Wait, what is happening right now?!
[06:47] Choro
    We want to put kerosene in
    to warm up the room, right?!
[06:49] Choro
    Why the hell are we in a blizzard right now?!
[06:51] Todo
    It's cold! I'm gonna die!
[07:01] Oso
    Huh? Wait, what was that?
[07:03] Oso
    Did Jyushimatsu close it?
[07:05] Choro
    Seriously? Has he...
[07:07] Ichi
    ...been...
[07:09] Five
    ...awake this whole time?
[07:11] Oso
    No, no, no, he would never
    do something so evil...
[07:14] Ichi
    He's not smart enough to do that.
[07:16] Kara
    If he was awake all this time,
[07:17] Kara
    it would mean he's been putting on an act
[07:19] Kara
    so he wouldn't have to refill the kerosene.
[07:21] Todo
    It's not possible. Not Jyushimatsu-niisan.
[07:24] Choro
    Well, just go and check, Ichimatsu.
    Go see if he's asleep.
[07:27] Ichi
    Righto.
[07:33] Choro
    Well? He's asleep, right?
[07:36] Ichi
    No, he's totally awake.
[07:38] Four
    What?!
[07:40] Four
    Scary!
[07:42] Choro
    What?! I can't believe in anything anymore!
[07:44] Todo
    So he's going to stay in that position
    until someone refills the kerosene?
[07:48] Todo
    That back is a waiting back?
[07:50] Oso
    What the hell is a "waiting back"?!
    Is this a horror movie?!
[07:54] Jyu
    Hey, guys.
[07:55] Five
    He spoke!
[07:58] Jyu
    The heater's out of kerosene.
[08:03] Five
    He actually said it!
[08:05] Oso
    He just went and said it!
[08:06] Todo
    After all of our trouble to not actually say it!
[08:10] Choro
    And he went to sleep! He just escaped
    after leaving that troublesome remark!
[08:14] Kara
    Just how much of a selfish
    boy are you, Jyushimatsu?!
[08:17] Ichi
    Die, you dumbass!
[08:19] Jyu
    Ugh.
[08:21] Jyu
    I said the kerosene's out.
    You guys are cold, aren't you?
[08:27] Oso
    Huh? Is he actually going to fill it himself?
[08:30] Ichi
    No, wait...
[08:32] Ichi
    Hey, bring the kerosene tank, Jyushimatsu!
[08:34] Ichi
    Jyushima—
[08:37] Five
    Huh?
[08:38] Five
    What?!
[08:40] Jyu
    Ah, so warm.
[08:43] Ichi
    Wait, why?!
[08:44] Ichi
    Why did you just get yourself hot soup?!
[08:46] Oso
    You should have refilled the
    kerosene while you were out!
[08:51] Jyu
    So good!
[08:53] Todo
    And he went back to sleep! He escaped again?!
[08:55] Kara
    Jyushimatsu!
[08:58] Jyu
    Oh, yeah.
[09:01] Jyu
    I said, the kerosene's out, Choromatsu-niisan.
[09:08] Choro
    Wh-Why?! Why did you appoint me?!
[09:12] Choro
    Now I have no choice but to refill it!
    What do you have against me?
[09:16] Choro
    What did I ever do to you, Jyushimatsu?!
[09:21] Jyu
    Ugh, it's so friggin' cold.
[09:22] Osotodo
    Yay! Yay!
[09:23] Choro
    Jyushimatsu!
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Dayon Tribe"
[09:30] Choro
    Damn it all, Jyushimatsu!
    Why did you appoint me?
[09:35] Choo
    And we didn't even have
    any kerosene at the house.
[09:37] Choro
    Jeez, where is the gas station anywa—
SIGN    Akatsuka Pub
[09:45] Oso
    You can't be serious, Choromatsu!
[09:48] Oso
    How long does it take to buy some kerosene?
SIGN    Akatsuka Pub
[09:53] Oso
    Oh?
[09:55] Kara
    Cold! Oh, cold!
SIGN    Akatsuka Pub
[10:02] Jyu
    Where's the kerosene?
[10:05] Jyu
    Hey, where's the kerosene? Kerosene!
[10:06] Ichi
    C-Calm down. Shittymatsu's out getting it...
[10:14] Choro
    This warms me up.
[10:17] Kara
    My body feels so warm.
[10:18] Oso
    The alcohol you drink while leaving your
    little brothers freezing at home is the best!
[10:36] Jyu
    It's cold!
[10:39] Ichi
    D-Don't kill me!
[10:48] Choro
    Oh, we fell asleep.
[10:51] Choro
    Hey, you two. We should get home.
[10:56] Choro
    Huh? Huh?!
[11:00] Choro
    What is this?! What?!
[11:01] Choro
    What the heck? Where are we?
[11:03] Choro
    Hey! Hey, I said!
[11:06] Oso
    It's just a dream.
[11:07] Kra
    Just a dream.
[11:08] Choo
    No, no, no. This isn't the time to mess around!
[11:10] Choro
    This really isn't good! Where the hell are we?
[11:13] Choro
    Ow, ow, ow!
[11:15] Choro
    That hurts!
[11:17] Choro
    What are you doing?!
[11:18] Oso
    It hurts? Guess it's not a dream, then.
[11:21] Choro
    Do that to your own cheek, please!
[11:23] Kara
    Since it's not a dream...
[11:25] Kara
    What did you do, Choromatsu?
[11:27] Choro
    Hey, there's no way I could've...
[11:30] Oso
    You still can't hold your liquor, I see.
[11:35] Kara
    Hey, isn't that...
[11:36] Oso
    Oh, excuse me.
[11:38] Choro
    Hey, wait—
[11:40] Oso
    It should be this way.
[11:41] Kara
    Help!
[11:49] Oso
    Wh-What the hell is this?
[11:51] Oso
    Huh?! What?!
[11:53] Kara
    Th-They're all Dayon!
[11:56] Kara
    Just how many are there?
[12:13] Oso
    Wh-What should we do?
[12:15] Kara
    Why are you asking me?
[12:16] Kara
    Are you all right, Choromatsu—
[12:58] Kara
    This always happens!
[13:00] Oso
    What the hell?! Why do we
    have to go through this?
[13:03] Kara
    Let's just get to the exit!
[13:08] Kara
    Are you okay, Choromatsu?
[13:09] Kara
    I'll save you, Choromatsu!
[13:11] Choro
    Then stop, Shittymatsu!
[13:29] Todo
    Those assholes! How long does
    it take to buy kerosene?!
[13:33] Ichi
    I'll kill 'em.
[13:34] Jyu
    Kill 'em!
[13:39] Todo
    Dayon?
[13:41] Todo
    Hey, have you seen the shitbags from our house?
[13:45] Todo
    Hey, hello? Dayon, come on...
[14:03] Three
    What?!
[14:04] Three
    Yay!
[14:07] Three
    Yahoo!
[14:10] Jyu
    Boehh!
[14:12] Todo
    Ow, ow, ow...
[14:14] Todo
    Huh?! Wh-Where are we?!
[14:17] Ichi
    We got sucked in.
[14:19] Todo
    So we're inside Dayon?!
[14:20] Todo
    Huh?! Gross!
[14:23] Jyu
    It's warm in here! Yay!
[14:26] Jyu
    I two-seam to be alive again!
[14:27] Jyu
    Thank you, homerun king!
[14:29] Jyu
    Sorry to make you worry, and then...
[14:31] Jyu
    Boehh! And then...
[14:34] Jyu
    Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
[14:39] Todo
    Anyway, let's look for a way out.
[14:42] Jyu
    Wow, there's a lot of stuff in here.
[14:46] Jyu
    Even a bat.
[14:47] Todo
    Hey, I don't think you should touch that.
[14:48] Todo
    You too, Ichimatsu-niisan!
[14:50] Todo
    You don't need to try to collect
    all of the cats in the world!
[14:54] Jyu
    Hey, isn't this...
[14:56] Todo
    It's Choromatsu-niisan's!
[14:57] Ichi
    That's it! The same thing
    must have happened to them.
[15:00] Ichi
    So they're probably still in here somewhere.
[15:08] Todo
    Hold it!
[15:11] Todo
    Why don't the three of us go outside first?
[15:13] Todo
    I mean, just for a second.
    Of course, we'll come and save them.
[15:17] Todo
    But why don't we go outside for a sec and
    figure out how we're gonna save them first?
[15:25] Ichi
    Todomatsu.
[15:26] Jyu
    Todomatsu.
[15:29] Ichi
    Yeah, let's do that.
[15:30] Jyu
    Huh?!
[15:33] Dayon
    I'm drunk!
[15:36] Dayo
    I can't walk straight!
[15:45] Three
    Yahoo!
[16:14] Todo
    What?! What the hell is this?
[16:25] Todo
    Chorofappyski!
[16:34] Todo
    What? What? What?!
[16:36] Todo
    What are you doing?! Why are you fitting in?
[16:39] Todo
    A wedding? What's going on?!
[16:40] Oso
    Todomatsu, calm down, dayon.
[16:42] Todo
    You guys, too?!
[16:43] Oso
    Everyone in this land is good, dayon.
[16:46] Kara
    Don't be so wary, yon.
[16:47] Todo
    Don't add "yon" to everything! It's infuriating!
[16:51] Choro
    She... saved me.
[16:56] Choro
    That moment, when I was about to die
    from fear and drunkenness, she...
SIGN    Stomach Medicine
[17:07] Oso
    Right. They have everything here, yon.
[17:11] Oso
    Food that Dayon sucked in,
[17:13] Oso
    as well as appliances, plants, porn DVDs,
    and automatic mahjong tables,
[17:18] Oso
    not to mention everything is free,
    so we want for nothing, yon.
[17:21] Oso
    And above all, we can stay NEETs
    and no one gets mad, yon.
[17:25] Oso
    At first, we didn't understand why, yon.
[17:28] Oso
    But then we realized, dayon.
    It's because everyone's the same, dayon.
[17:32] Oso
    Yes, our faces, language, status...
[17:34] Oso
    The endless calm and ease
    that are born from that...
[17:37] Oso
    That's what the Dayon Tribe is all about, yon.
[17:41] Oso
    So we decided to live here forever, dayon.
[17:44] Todo
    Are you stupid?! Why are you so stupid?!
[17:47] Jyu
    Huh? This feels... Huh?
[17:52] Ichi
    You're right...
[17:53] Ichi
    Huh? Huh?
[17:55] Choro
    Come on, we're going home.
[17:57] Choro
    Dayon, dayon...
[17:58] Todo
    No! There's no way you can live here!
[18:01] Todo
    Mom and Dad will be worried.
[18:04] Choro
    But everyone's so nice, dayon.
[18:06] Todo
    Yeah, I get that they're nice. But it's not possible.
[18:10] Choro
    Why, dayon?
[18:11] Todo
    Why?! Do I really need to give a reason?!
[18:13] Todo
    Don't you have a general idea?!
[18:15] Todo
    Of course you can't live here!
[18:16] Todo
    You two!
[18:17] Todo
    Stop with the sexual harassment
    and help me! Come on!
[18:21] Jyu
    It stretches.
[18:23] Ichi
    It stretches.
[18:24] Kara
    Wait, that doesn't stretch! It doesn't stretch!
[18:28] Todo
    Come on, Choromatsu-niisan.
[18:29] Cho
    Nope, dayon.
[18:30] Todo
    Come on.
[18:31] Choro
    Nope, dayon.
[18:32] Todo
    We're going home!
[18:34] Choro
    Nope, nope, nope, dayon!
[18:36] Todo
    Ugh!
[18:39] Todo
    Oh, s-sorry.
[18:41] Choro
    That's enough. That's...
[18:44] Choro
    That's enough!
[18:45] Choro
    Stop!
[18:49] Choro
    That's enough, you guys.
    Why did you even come here?
[18:53] Choro
    Go home.
[18:55] Choro
    We already decided we'll live here.
[18:58] Todo
    Huh?! Seriously, what are you sayi—
[19:00] Choro
    I know!
[19:01] Choro
    I really want to go back to
    the outside world and get a job,
[19:05] Choro
    and be a proper person!
[19:08] Choro
    But... But it's just not possible.
[19:11] Choro
    I can't keep up anything, I keep
    trying to look like I'm job hunting,
[19:14] Choro
    but all I'm actually doing is
    Chorofappysking in my room every day!
[19:18] Choro
    The only choice a scumbag like me has
    is to stay here and become a Dayon!
[19:28] Todo
    Yeah, becoming a Dayon is not your only choice.
[19:30] Todo
    Not to mention, that was a bit
    rude toward the Dayons, too.
[19:33] Choro
    Now, let's continue the ceremony.
[19:35] Todo
    Wait, seriously...
[19:38] Choro
    Huh?
[19:40] Choro
    Wh-Why?
[19:45] Choro
    What? Go home?
[19:51] Choro
    Wh-Why?!
[19:54] Oso
    We don't wanna, dayon!
[19:55] Kara
    We won't go home, yon!
[20:04] Choro
    What brought this on?
[20:09] Three
    Huh?
[20:20] Oso
    Dayon!
[20:22] Kara
    We wanna stay here, yon!
[20:23] Choro
    We don't wanna go home, yon!
[21:07] Todo
    Huh? What is this?
[21:36] Oso
    Okay, all set.
[21:39] Oso
    We're going home. Ready?
[21:41] Five
    Yeah!
[21:42] Oso
    Let's go!
SIGN    Anus This Way
SIGN    End
[21:56] Some
    I'm gonna die!
SIGN    Next Time on Osomatsu-san
[23:29] Kara
    No, no, no! We're almost up to the last episode,
[23:32] Kara
    and we still haven't announced air dates for
    "Karamatsu of Love" or "Kimagure Karamatsu Road!"
[23:40] Kara
    Er, huh? Huh?
[23:41] Kara
    The preview's already started? You're kidding.
SIGN    "Totoko's Huge Panic" "Letter"
[23:45] Kara
    Ahem. Sorry about that, Karamatsu Girls.
[23:47] Kara
    I let myself go a little bit. Just a little bit.