E14 - The Choromatsu Incident

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:09] Girl
    No! Let go of me!
[00:11] Popo
    Come with me.
[00:12] Girl
    Don't touch me! Let go!
[00:14] Popo
    You're a minor.
[00:16] Popo
    Honestly, what are you thinking
    on Coming-of-Age Day?
[00:18] Popo2
    You, there.
[00:20] Popo2
    I need you to come with us, too.
[00:22] Popo2
    You knew she was a minor, didn't you?
[00:24] Sane
    Huh? Uh, well, she said she
    didn't have anywhere to go...
[00:30] Popo2
    Could you tell me your name?
[00:32] Sane
    Huh? U-Uh...
[00:35] Popo2
    Tell me your name!
[00:38] Sane
    I-It's... Sanematsu.
SIGN    
    Weekly Drama Serial
    Sanematsu-san
SIGN    Episode 9
[01:28] mom
    Hello, this is your mother.
SIGN    [Playing]
SIGN    Mom
[01:31] Mom
    How are you doing lately? I've been worried.
[01:35] Mom
    Please give me a call.
[01:39] Boss
    Sanematsu-kun, listen.
SIGN    Dekoboko Commercial Agency
[01:42] Boss
    As I always tell you, I'm not
    asking you to actually be useful.
[01:45] Boss
    But could you not hold everyone else back?
[01:50] Kaoru
    Sanematsu-san, why do you put up this wall?
SIGN    No smoking in the office
[01:55] Kaoru
    I just want to talk to you honestly.
[01:57] Guy
    Don't you know, Kaoruko-chan?
[01:59] Guy
    Sanematsu-senpai is only interested
    in innocent little girls.
[02:03] Guy
    Right, Senpai?
[02:11] Guy 1
    All right, lunch time!
[02:13] Guy 2
    Where should we go today?
[02:14] Kaoru
    So you do get hungry.
[02:39] Oso
    Sanematsu.
[02:42] Oso
    Sanematsu, hey.
[02:52] Sane
    Huh?
[02:54] Oso
    What's wrong? Still dreaming?
[02:58] Sane
    Huh? Um...
[03:00] Oso
    Come on. Let's eat some watermelon.
[03:03] Oso
    It's so hot today!
[03:04] Ichi
    Yeah, just a little more to the left.
[03:06] Ichi
    Now a little right.
[03:08] Jyushi
    Right, right!
[03:10] Jyu
    Oh, right there!
[03:11] Kara
    All right... This is it!
[03:13] All
    So close!
[03:14] All
    You missed!
[03:15] Ichi
    All right, time to switch, Karamatsu-niisan.
[03:18] Kara
    No, no! I get one more!
[03:19] Choro
    I'm up next.
[03:21] Jyu
    Me, too!
[03:21] Todo
    It's me!
[03:22] Oso
    Hey, stop fighting, you guys!
[03:25] Oso
    Ichimatsu hasn't gotten a chance yet.
[03:27] Oso
    Let him try.
[03:28] Kara
    Tch. Fine, Osomatsu-niisan.
[03:31] Kara
    Sorry, Ichimatsu.
[03:33] Ichi
    Thanks.
[03:37] Six
    Yay!
[03:39] Todo
    You did it, Ichimatsu-niisan!
[03:41] Oso
    All right, let's eat!
[03:42] Jyu
    Let's eat! Let's eat!
[03:45] Six
    So good!
[03:46] Six
    This is the best!
[03:47] Six
    It's so good!
[03:50] Todo
    What's the matter, Sanematsu-niisan?
    You're not going to eat?
[03:52] Sane
    Huh?
[03:54] Choro
    If you don't want it, I'll eat it.
[03:56] Oso
    Come on, Choromatsu.
[03:58] Choro
    Aw, come on.
[03:59] Sane
    At first, I had no idea what was going on.
[03:59] Jyu
    I want some, too.
[04:01] Oso
    Honestly, you guys.
[04:08] Oso
    Here we go!
[04:09] Oso
    Ready, and...
[04:20] Sane
    But as time went on...
[04:23] Sane
    I stopped doubting it anymore.
[04:27] Sane
    I was born in this family,
    grew up in this family,
[04:33] Sane
    and always lived together
    with these brothers.
[04:39] Sane
    Yeah... That's right.
[04:43] Sane
    Why had I forgotten?
SIGN    Akatsuka Bathhouse
[04:47] Sane
    I might've just been having
    a nightmare this whole time.
[04:56] Sane
    But everything's okay now.
SIGN    A Few Weeks Later
[05:14] Sane
    Hey, guys.
[05:17] Sane
    I came up with a great idea!
[05:21] Sane
    Wh-What's wrong?
[05:22] Todo
    Huh? Uh, so what's up, Sanematsu-niisan?
[05:26] Sane
    Why don't we go on a trip?
    All of us, for a week or so?
[05:32] Jyu
    That'll never work.
[05:33] Sane
    Huh? But I wanna.
[05:35] Jyu
    Even if we wanted to,
    we don't have the time or money.
[05:38] Choro
    Jyushimatsu.
[05:42] Choro
    All right, Sanematsu.
    Why don't we go to the beach?
[05:45] Sane
    Yeah, let's go!
[05:47] Sane
    What about you, Osomatsu-niisan?
[05:49] Oso
    Let's go.
[05:50] Sane
    And you, Karamatsu-niisan?
[05:51] Kara
    Sure, let's go.
[05:52] Sane
    And you, Ichimatsu?
[05:53] Ichi
    Okay.
[05:54] Sane
    Jyushimatsu?
[05:55] Jyu
    Well, I guess...
[05:57] Sane
    Todomatsu?
[05:58] Todo
    Yeah, sure.
[05:59] Sane
    All right! We're all going to the beach!
[06:02] Sane
    I'm gonna go get ready!
[06:14] Sane
    Wait up!
[06:16] Oso
    Here we go!
[06:18] Sane
    Got it!
[06:22] Some
    What the heck?
[06:24] Both
    Ready... go!
[06:30] Both
    Goal!
[06:32] Sane
    We tied.
[06:33] Jyu
    Yeah.
[06:57] Sane
    Osomatsu-niisan.
[06:58] Oso
    Oh, there you are.
[07:00] Sane
    What's up?
[07:02] Oso
    Have a seat.
[07:04] Sane
    Okay.
[07:08] Oso
    Hey, Sanematsu.
[07:11] Oso
    You've been laughing a lot more lately.
[07:15] Oso
    I'm relieved.
[07:17] Oso
    You know, you seemed so depressed because
    you've been through so much lately.
[07:22] Sane
    Yeah...
[07:26] Sane
    But I'm okay now.
    I'm having so much fun now.
[07:30] Sane
    I have all of you guys. No more hardships.
[07:34] Sane
    I hope this goes on forever.
[07:40] Oso
    But... it can't.
[07:43] Sane
    Huh?
[07:45] Sane
    It can't? What do you mean?
[07:48] Oso
    Don't make me say it.
[07:52] Oso
    You should know better than anyone else.
[08:01] Sane
    Yeah... You're right.
[08:08] Sane
    This was so much fun!
[08:09] Oso
    Yeah, it was.
[08:24] Sane
    It was.
[08:28] Oso
    Yeah.
[08:38] Guy
    Hey...
[08:43] Kaoru
    It can't be...
[08:45] Kaoru
    Sanematsu-san?
[08:49] Kaoru
    No!
SIGN    
    End
SIGN    General Hospital
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[08:59] nar
    Next time on "Sanematsu-san"...
[09:04] nar
    Osomatsu examines, Karamatsu touches,
    and Jyushimatsu makes the rounds.
[09:11] Nar
    Next time: "Sanematsu Dies." Look forward to it.
SIGN    
    Episode 10: Sanematsu Dies
[09:18] Nar
    Unidentified mysterious animals,
    otherwise known as UMA.
[09:21] Nar
    The mysterious world of the occult
    is filled with passion and dreams.
[09:26] Nar
    This is the passionate tale
    of adventure of the men
[09:29] Nar
    who were enchanted by its mysticism!
[09:32] Iyami
    Iyami...
[09:33] Hata
    Hatabou...
[09:34] Jyu
    And Jyushimatsu's...
[09:36] All
    ...UMA Expedition Team! Doo-wah!
SIGN    UMA Expedition Team
[09:42] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[09:44] Iyami
    You two!
[09:45] Iyami
    You cannot underestimate the UMA!
[09:48] Iyami
    They're dangerous and scary!
[09:50] Iyami
    Let your guard down at all
    and U-MAy lose your lives!
[09:56] Hata
    For my father...
[09:56] Jyu
    Yay!
[09:58] Iyami
    Hey! Listen to me!
[10:01] Iyami
    Fall in!
[10:06] Iyami
    Listen up! Our target this time is this UMA!
[10:10] Iyami
    The Super Mongolian Death Worm!
[10:13] Jyu
    Ah.
[10:14] Hata
    Jo.
[10:15] Iyami
    It's huge! It's strong!
[10:17] Iyami
    Face it head-on, and no number of
    lives will be enough to save you!
[10:20] Iyami
    It's truly terrifying!
[10:22] Iyami
    We're going to...
[10:23] Hata
    Want a wiener?
[10:25] Jyu
    Heck yeah!
[10:27] Iyami
    Hey! Fall in!
[10:35] Jyu
    Director, you got a minute?
[10:39] Iyami
    Me is not your director. Me is your captain.
[10:41] Jyu
    How are we going to catch
    this dangerous thing?
[10:45] Iyami
    We're going to use these!
[10:47] Jyu
    Wow!
[10:48] Hata
    Jo!
[10:51] Iyami
    No matter how dangerous UMAs are,
    they're no match for humanity.
[10:58] Hata
    Jo.
[11:00] Iyami
    Hey!
[11:11] Hata
    This could kill someone, jo.
[11:13] Jyu
    Pew.
[11:13] Hata
    Jo, jo, jo.
[11:16] Iyami
    What's that?
[11:22] Hata
    Jo?
[11:23] Iyami
    Th-That's...
[11:31] Iyami
    Th-The Super Mongolian Death Worm!
[11:35] Jyu
    D-Director!
[11:37] Jo
    Jo!
[11:38] Iyami
    Have no fear!
[11:39] Iyami
    We're safe at this distance.
[11:42] Iyami
    Behold, UMA! This is the power of humanity!
[11:51] Iyami
    Sh-Sheeeh!
[11:52] Jyu
    What is this attack?
[11:53] Hata
    We didn't hear about this!
[11:55] Iyami
    Sh-Sh-Sheeeh...
SIGN    
    To Be Continued
SIGN    
    "The Choromatsu Incident"
SIGN    New Year Combo
[13:35] Choro
    Well, I can imagine what
    you guys want to say.
[13:39] Choro
    I'm the most responsible
    and capable of us brothers.
[13:42] Choro
    I'm supposed to set the example.
[13:44] Choro
    You're probably wondering what
    happened since the new year.
[13:48] Choro
    You might even worry and think
    I've become a delinquent.
[13:52] Choro
    But no matter how serious
    I am, I'm still human.
[13:56] Choro
    Even I have the desire to
    be popular and be cool.
[14:01] Choro
    So, for once, I followed my desire
    and decided to look cool.
[14:06] Choro
    It's the new year, so I thought it'd
    be the perfect time to make my debut.
[14:10] Choro
    This is your new Choromatsu-niisan in 2018!
[14:16] Choro
    What's wrong? What's with those faces?
[14:19] Choro
    Oh, are you guys actually jealous?
[14:22] Choro
    I see. Sorry about that.
[14:24] Choro
    I went ahead and became the cool one.
[14:26] Choro
    Yeah, it's not fair for me to get
    ahead of you guys. My bad.
[14:32] Choro
    Hey, you guys haven't said a word.
[14:35] Choro
    What's wrong?
[14:36] Choro
    Well, whatever. As I was saying...
[14:38] Choro
    I just don't want you guys to worry.
[14:40] Choro
    I may have brown hair now, but I'm
    still the same Choromatsu inside.
[14:44] Choro
    I'm not a delinquent.
[14:45] Choro
    I'm going to continue being the responsible,
    reliable brother that guides you.
[14:49] Choro
    Don't worry.
[14:50] Choro
    That's why I had the three
    of you gather here today.
[14:54] Choro
    Well, let's go.
[14:55] Todo
    W-W-Wait! Wait!
[14:56] Choro
    Huh? What?
[14:58] Todo
    Sit down.
[15:01] Choro
    What? What's wrong?
[15:03] Todo
    Well, uh...
[15:06] Choro
    I told you not to worry.
[15:09] Choro
    I just have brown hair now.
    I'm still the same guy inside.
[15:12] Choro
    I'm not a delinquent.
[15:13] Ichi
    Yeah, don't worry. We got that.
[15:17] Ichi
    That's not it...
[15:18] Choro
    It's not?
[15:20] Todo
    It's not that...
[15:22] Todo
    It's just...
[15:23] Ichi
    ...simply put...
[15:24] Jyushi
    ...that hair color...
[15:26] Three
    ...doesn't look good on you at all!
[15:29] Todo
    What the hell?! Is he stupid?!
[15:31] Todo
    Nothing hurts more than seeing
    someone so clueless try to be cool!
[15:34] Ichi
    Well said, Todomatsu.
[15:35] Ichi
    Now say those exact words
    to that idiot over there.
[15:37] Todo
    How can I? Look at that face!
[15:40] Todo
    He doesn't think he's made a mistake at all!
[15:42] Todo
    He still thinks dying your hair
    makes you cool in this day and age!
[15:45] Todo
    What kind of harassment is this?!
[15:46] Todo
    Lame harassment? Pain harassment?! What?!
[15:49] Jyu
    Want me to tell him, then?
[15:51] Ichi
    Stay out of it, Jyushimatsu.
[15:52] Ichi
    You're just going to complicate things.
[15:55] Jyu
    True.
[15:57] Choro
    Hey.
[15:59] Choro
    If you have something to say to me, say it.
[16:00] Choro
    That's why I brought you here.
[16:05] Todo
    Okay, Choromatsu-niisan.
[16:08] Todo
    I'll go ahead and say it.
[16:11] Todo
    So... To be honest,
    that brown hair of yours...
[16:14] Ichi
    Hold it, Todomatsu!
[16:17] Ichi
    Could I...
[16:19] Ichi
    go get a refill at the drink bar first?
[16:21] Jyu
    Same.
[16:22] Todo
    No.
[16:24] Jyu
    We can't? But it's free refills...
[16:27] Todo
    No. I'm going to tell him,
    so you two stay right there.
[16:35] Todo
    Okay!
[16:36] Todo
    I'm going to get a refill first.
[16:40] Jyu
    What? Are you serious, Totty?
[16:43] Todo
    Yeah, I'm going to tell him.
[16:44] Ichi
    Will you be all right?
[16:45] Todo
    What do you mean?
[16:46] Ichi
    Well, you saw it. His "I won't
    let anyone get me down" aura.
[16:51] Ichi
    Him telling us we can tell him
    anything is a total façade.
[16:54] Ichi
    If we trigger him,
    he might start punching us.
[16:57] Todo
    Well, I'm going to tell him.
[16:59] Todo
    I mean, come on. I don't want
    Choromatsu-niisan to go down the wrong path.
[17:04] Todo
    I don't care if he punches me,
    if it means he'll change that lame hair of his.
[17:08] Jyu
    He's so nice.
[17:10] Ichi
    So kind.
[17:13] Todo
    Okay, Choromatsu-niisan. I'm going to
    get back on the subject, so listen up.
[17:17] Todo
    Apparently Ichimatsu-niisan has something
    to say about you dyeing your hair,
[17:21] Todo
    so listen close.
[17:23] Ichi
    You dirty little—
[17:26] Ichi
    Uh... What's with that face?
[17:28] Ichi
    What kind of emotion is that?
[17:30] Choro
    What is it, Ichimatsu?
[17:32] Choro
    What did you want to say?
[17:33] Ichi
    Huh? Well, uh...
[17:36] Ichi
    I-It's not really something I want to say...
[17:42] Ichi
    U-Um... About your hair...
[17:51] Ichi
    It looks great on you! Nice!
[17:54] Choro
    Thanks!
[17:57] Todo
    The hell?! You're so useless, Darkmatsu!
[17:59] Jyu
    He's not dark at all! He's just a coward!
[18:01] Ichi
    Then you guys tell him!
[18:03] Choro
    Huh? What's wrong?
[18:05] Choro
    Wh-Why are you hitting each other?
[18:07] Todo
    Okay, let's hold off on
    this problem for now.
[18:11] Jyu
    Yeah.
[18:12] Ichi
    Why don't we write a letter?
    I don't think we can tell him to his face.
[18:15] All
    Yeah.
[18:17] Oso
    Huh?
[18:18] Oso
    Oh, you guys are here.
[18:20] Choro
    Oh, hey, guys. What a coincidence.
[18:23] Oso
    What the?! What the heck
    did you do to your hair?
[18:25] Choro
    Huh?
[18:26] Oso
    It looks awful on you! Are you stupid?
[18:28] Oso
    You look like shit! What's wrong with you?
[18:31] Jyu
    He just said it.
[18:32] Ichi
    He's completely tactless!
[18:34] Todo
    He hasn't changed at all in the new year!
[18:38] Oso
    Seriously, what's with this hair?
    It looks so stupid!
[18:42] Kara
    No, this can't be right, Osomatsu.
[18:44] Oso
    Huh?
[18:45] Kara
    There's no way he did that on his own.
    He must've lost some bet or something.
[18:49] Oso
    Lost a bet?
[18:51] Kara
    I'm right, aren't I? You guys put
    Choromatsu up to this, didn't you?
[18:54] Three
    Huh?
[18:55] Kara
    Otherwise, why would he willingly
    do that to his hair?
[18:58] Kara
    There's no way someone as responsible as
[19:00] Kara
    Choromatsu would dye his hair such a lame,
    shitty brown color on his own.
[19:03] Kara
    If he did this of his own free will,
    he's clearly lost his mind.
[19:07] Kara
    He'd barely be a living organism.
[19:10] Kara
    But Choromatsu's not like that.
[19:13] Kara
    Hey, you guys! You've gone too far!
[19:14] Kara
    You need to apologize to Choromatsu for
    making him get this crazy hair color!
[19:18] Three
    You need to apologize!
[19:20] Todo**
    In the end, you're the
    one who hurt him most!
[19:22] Ichi
    It's even worse because
    he's trying to be nice!
[19:26] Todo
    Hey, what are you guys doing here?
[19:28] Oso
    Totoko-chan, look at his hair!
[19:31] Toto
    Huh? What's with your hair?
[19:33] Toto
    You look so lame, Choromatsu-kun!
[19:35] Toto
    I can totally tell you tried to look
    cool simply by dying your hair brown!
[19:39] Toto
    How scary!
[19:40] Oso
    That's not it, Totoko-chan.
    Apparently these three put him up to it.
[19:45] Oso
    Isn't that mean?
[19:46] Toto
    Huh? Yeah, that's pretty awful.
[19:48] Toto
    I'd probably die if it were me.
[19:51] Toto
    Choromatsu-kun, are you okay?
[19:55] Todo
    Please, just stop!
[19:57] Ichi
    Fappymatsu's life is already at zero!
[19:59] Jyu
    Nii-san!
[20:02] All
    Huh?
[20:03] Choro
    You're right, Osomatsu-niisan,
    Karamatsu-niisan, Totoko-chan!
[20:08] Choro
    They're so mean! They made
    me dye my hair like this!
[20:12] All
    What?!
[20:13] Todo
    He shifted the blame!
[20:14] Jyu
    Seriously?!
[20:15] Ichi
    Self-Awarenessmatsu's defense
    mechanisms are insane!
[20:18] Choro
    They totally forced me to dye
    my hair this lame color!
[20:21] Choro
    It doesn't look good on me at all...
[20:24] Choro
    So lame! I look awful!
[20:27] Kara
    Are you all right, Choromatsu?
[20:29] Toto
    Choromatsu-kun?
[20:30] Oso
    Are you in that much shock?
[20:32] Choro
    Of course I'm shocked, you dumbass!
[20:34] Choro
    I'm gonna die! This hair color is so weird!
[20:36] Choro
    I'm gonna die! It's so damn lame!
[20:38] Choro
    Why is my year starting like this?!
    I'm gonna die!
[20:40] Kara
    Choromatsu!
[20:42] Toto
    Choromatsu-kun!
[20:43] Oso
    Hey, Choromatsu!
[20:48] Oso
    Hey, do you guys actually
    realize what you've done?
[20:52] Oso
    Look at him! Choromatsu's completely broken.
[20:55] Choro
    It wasn't supposed to be like this.
[20:58] Kara
    He won't stop mumbling.
[20:58] Choro
    I might be better off dead...
[21:01] Kara
    He might die at this rate.
[21:03] Oso
    Come on, guys, apologize.
[21:06] Oso
    You guys did this to him, right? Go on.
[21:12] Todo
    S-Sorry...
[21:14] Ichi
    Sorry.
[21:15] Todo
    We went a bit too far.
[21:18] Ichi
    We'll never force him to dye his hair again.
[21:20] Jyu
    We're sorry.
[21:23] Oso
    All right, let's go to the bathhouse.
[21:25] Kara
    Jeez. We can't take our eyes off them
    for even a second, Osomatsu.
[21:30] Kara
    Let's continue to guide them
    as the two top brothers.
[21:34] Oso
    Yeah. Pleasure working with you, Karamatsu.
[21:36] Kara
    Back at you.
[21:55] Choro
    I'm so sorry!
SIGN    
    End
SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
[23:34] Oso
    Hey, it's Osomatsu!
[23:35] Oso
    Next week, it's going to be
    "Jar," "Taxi," and "Quiz."
[23:39] Oso
    Those three!
[23:40] Oso
    What do you guys think about that lineup?
[23:43] Oso
    Yeah, pretty stupid, right?
[23:45] Oso
    I mean, it usually is.
[23:47] Oso
    Even though the cast are all adults.
SIGN    "Jar" "Karamatsu Taxi" "Totty Quiz" etc.
[23:49] Oso
    I feel bad, too.