E9 - Campaign Starting Now!
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN "Campaign Starting Now!"
[01:42] Choro
Ow! Jeez, Jyushimatsu!
[01:45] Jyushi
Sorry.
[01:46] Jyushi
Karamatsu-niisan,
could you get my ball for me?
[01:49] Kara
Huh? Oh...
SIGN Currently 76 boxes
[01:54] Sign
How many boxes will it take
for the golden angel to show up?
[01:56] Oso
How stupid is he?
[01:59] Todo
It's way more fun to watch
streams than do them.
[02:02] Kara
I see... I'll be sure to incorporate that.
SIGN Become drunk on our beauty
under these neon lights
[02:40] Todo
He's amazing.
[02:42] Oso
It's so funny.
[02:45] Todo
He's so awesome.
[02:46] Ichi
Hey, guys...
[02:50] Ichi
I said hey.
[02:51] Oso
Want to watch a few more?
[02:52] Todo
Yeah, a little more.
[02:53] Ichi
Hey!
[02:54] Oso
Really?
[02:54] Choro
What's the matter, Ichimatsu?
[02:56] Ichi
Aren't you going to sleep? It's past 1 AM.
[02:59] Choro
Oh. All right.
[03:01] Choro
I'll go to sleep after this chapter.
Sorry about that.
[03:04] Todo
Yeah, I'll go to sleep soon, too.
[03:07] Todo
Osomatsu-niisan, let's make this the last one.
[03:08] Oso
Yup.
[03:10] Kara
What's the matter, brother? You can't sleep?
[03:13] Kara
Then I'll sing you my famous lullaby—
SIGN Wild vs Formal
[03:50] Choro
Wow, so good. That was amazing!
[03:59] Ichi
You're not going to sleep, are you?!
[04:01] Three
Huh?
[04:03] Ichi
How long are you going to keep this up?
It's already past 2 AM!
[04:06] Choro
Oh, sorry. I'll go to sleep as
soon as I'm done reading this.
[04:09] Ichi
Why did you start a new volume?!
[04:11] Ichi
Don't start a new volume of
a light novel at 2 AM, you idiot!
[04:15] Oso
Oh, shut up already. Just go to sleep, then.
[04:18] Oso
You don't have to wait for us to get tired.
[04:20] Ichi
It's not that I'm waiting for you.
I can't sleep.
[04:24] Oso
You can't sleep? Why?
[04:26] Ichi
The light's too bright.
I want to turn off the light.
[04:29] Oso
Ah... Yeah, that's not happening.
[04:32] Choro
Well, I'm still reading.
[04:34] Todo
And we're still watching.
[04:35] Ichi
Wait, wait, wait. But it's past 2 AM!
[04:37] Ichi
It's time to sleep!
[04:38] Todo
So just go to sleep, then.
[04:40] Ichi
I'm telling you I can't!
[04:42] Todo
Wait, why can't you sleep? Do you have
some kind of p***logical disorder?
[04:46] Ichi
I can't sleep because the light's too bright!
[04:48] Oso
Then use an eye mask or something.
[04:51] Ichi
We don't have any of the latest
fashion items with an
[04:53] Ichi
English name in this house.
[04:55] Oso
Are eye masks one of
the latest fashion items?
[04:58] Choro
Okay, Ichimatsu, why don't you use this?
[05:00] Ichi
Huh?
[05:01] Choro
If you cover your eyes with this towel,
it's not bright, right?
[05:04] Ichi
No, a little bit of light still
gets through that way.
[05:07] Ichi
Also, there's pressure from the fact
that I can't let it fall off my face,
[05:10] Ichi
so it's even harder to sleep.
[05:12] Todo
Why don't you use your arm?
[05:15] Todo
Your arm should be a perfect
fit and it won't shift.
[05:19] Ichi
Are you stupid?
[05:20] Todo
Huh?
[05:20] Ichi
You try sleeping in that position.
[05:22] Ichi
When you wake up,
[05:23] Ichi
you'll suffer from an unknown pain that
could be either muscle pain or numbness.
[05:28] Oso
Then just dive under your futon.
That basically solves everything.
[05:32] Oso
You're so annoying.
[05:33] Ichi
Are you total trash?
[05:34] Oso
Huh?
[05:35] Ichi
That only works in the beginning.
[05:37] Ichi
Why would I put myself in an even
more uncomfortable situation
[05:39] Ichi
where I can't breathe nor sleep
just so it's not bright anymore?
[05:42] Oso
Then just go buy an eye mask
at the hundred yen shop.
[05:44] Ichi
They're closed at this hour.
[05:46] Oso
Convenience store, then?
[05:47] Ichi
There's no guarantee
there'll be an eye mask there.
[05:50] Oso
Then just use a towel or
something to cover your eyes.
[05:54] Ichi
Didn't I just reject that idea?
[05:56] Ichi
Seriously? Are you stupid?
[05:57] Oso
Ugh! I can't think of any good solutions!
[06:00] Todo
I see... You can't sleep because
the light's too bright.
[06:05] Three
What to do?
[06:10] Ichi
Uh, can't we just turn off the light?
[06:12] Ichi
Why can't you get to that conclusion?
[06:15] Choro
I know! We can just make the light
dimmer by using the tiny light!
[06:17] Both
Oh, I see!
[06:19] Ichi
Uh, let's just turn off the light.
[06:21] Choro
See? Now you can sleep, too, right?
[06:24] Todo
But can you read your book
like this, Choromatsu-niisan?
[06:27] Choro
I think once I got used to it, I could.
[06:29] Todo
Yeah?
[06:30] Jyushi
You can't!
[06:31] Todo
When did you wake up?
[06:33] Jyushi
I can't sleep with the tiny light on.
I'll keep thinking about it.
[06:36] Kara
Same here, brother.
The tiny light is too bad.
[06:40] Oso
I guess we have those against
the tiny light, too.
[06:45] Todo
Well, goodnight.
[06:46] Both
Goodnight.
[06:50] Ichi
Could you at least not be noisy? Promise me.
[06:53] Oso
Yup.
[06:54] Todo
Got it.
[06:55] Choro
We promise.
[07:03] Choro
I see... It's fate...
[07:06] Todo
What is this?
[07:07] Choro
Now this is happening? Seriously?
[07:09] Todo
Look, look, look, look!
[07:11] Choro
What?! What's going to happen next?
[07:15] Todo
Man, this guy really is stupid!
[07:18] Choro
So good! I can't stop!
[07:20] Choro
Someone stop my eyes and hands!
[07:22] Oso
This is too funny!
[07:24] Todo
Online videos are the best!
[07:26] Ichi
I-I want to kill them...
[07:30] Ichi
No... I'll just count some cats.
[07:34] Ichi
One cat.
[07:35] Ichi
Two cats.
[07:37] Ichi
Three cats.
[07:39] Ichi
Four cats.
[07:40] Ichi
Five cats.
[07:42] Ichi
Six cats.
[07:43] Ichi
Seven cats.
[07:45] Ichi
Eight cougars.
[07:46] Ichi
Eight cougars?!
[07:48] Oso
There's something so hot about cougars.
[07:51] Todo
Yeah, cougars.
[07:53] Choro
True.
[07:55] Ichi
One cat.
[07:57] Ichi
Two cats.
[07:59] Ichi
Three cats.
[08:01] Ichi
Four cats.
[08:02] Ichi
Five Shoueis.
[08:04] Ichi
Why?!
[08:05] Choro
It's Shouei-san!
[08:06] Todo
I want to see Shouei again.
[08:09] Oso
Hey. Let's watch that cougar again.
[08:11] Todo
What? Let's watch Shouei a little longer.
[08:12] Ichi
One cat.
[08:14] Ichi
Two cats.
[08:16] Ichi
Three cougar Shoueis...
[08:18] Ichi
I can't sleep like this!
[08:20] Ichi
That was freaky... Talk about trauma.
[08:23] Ichi
That's going to change my fetish...
[08:24] Oso
What? You're still complaining?
[08:27] Ichi
You guys promised you'd
be quiet, didn't you?
[08:30] Todo
We can't help it. We're not tired yet.
[08:34] Choro
Seriously. You're so selfish.
[08:36] Ichi
Selfish?!
[08:37] Ichi
S-S-S-Selfish?! Me?!
[08:40] Three
Huh?
[08:41] Ichi
It's past two in the morning!
[08:43] Ichi
I've gone to the bathroom, brushed
my teeth, gotten into my futon,
[08:46] Ichi
and me asking for the lights to be turned
off makes me selfish in this household?!
[08:50] Ichi
Where do we live?!
[08:51] Ichi
What country? Do we live overseas?
[08:53] Ichi
Is that it?!
[08:54] Jyushi
So noisy. Are you guys arguing?
[08:59] Ichi
It's nothing, Jyushimatsu.
[09:00] Ichi
Just go to sleep. Sorry.
[09:03] Kara
What's wrong, brother?
[09:04] Ichi
No problem, brother.
[09:06] Ichi
Goodnight. Bye-bye forever.
[09:08] Ichi
That was close. 3 versus 3 was
about to turn into 5 versus 1.
[09:12] Ichi
They finally went to sleep, so don't get all
riled up and wake them by shouting.
[09:15] Choro
Uh, you're the one who's
getting riled up and shouting.
[09:18] Todo
Jeez... Then just go sleep
downstairs, Ichimatsu-niisan.
[09:22] Ichi
Huh?
[09:23] Todo
It's too bright in here,
right? Then go downstairs.
[09:26] Ichi
Huh? Why do I have to move?
[09:29] Oso
Actually, just don't sleep, Ichimatsu.
Just wait until we get sleepy.
[09:33] Ichi
What are you saying?
[09:35] Choro
Oh, I know. What about the balcony?
[09:37] Choro
I think that'd be perfect.
[09:40] Ichi
What brought you to that conclusion?
[09:43] Todo
I wonder where would be best...
[09:44] Oso
Where should we have him move?
[09:47] Choro
That's a tough one.
[09:50] Ichi
Seriously, the light...
[09:53] Ichi
No, really, the light...
[10:04] Ichi
There's something wrong with this,
right? How did this happen?
[10:07] Ichi
Hey, why do I have to go
sleep on the roof by myse—
[10:17] Ichi
Wake up!
[10:19] Ichi
Wake up, wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up!
[10:22] Ichi
Wake up!
[10:24] Kara
Wh-Wh-What's wrong, brother?
[10:26] Jyushi
Ichimatsu-niisan?
Did your fetish change?
[10:31] Ichi
Listen up. Let me just confirm one thing.
[10:34] Ichi
Is each of us an only child, huh?
[10:37] Todo
Huh? What do you mean?
[10:39] Ichi
Answer me! Is each of us an only child?
[10:41] Choro
No, we aren't.
[10:43] Ichi
We aren't, right? Then are we twins?
[10:45] Ichi
Triplets?!
[10:46] Oso
We're sextuplets.
[10:47] Ichi
Sextuplets! We're sextuplets!
[10:51] Jyushi
Did he go insane?
[10:54] Ichi
Listen up. That basically means
there are six guys with
[10:57] Ichi
six smelly dcks hanging down
living in this tiny room.
[11:00] Ichi
Do you think the miracle of
all six of us getting sleepy
[11:02] Ichi
at the same time would
really happen? Of course not.
[11:04] Ichi
When one of us is sleepy,
the others won't be as sleepy.
[11:07] Ichi
That kind of situation is only natural, right?
[11:09] Ichi
But at a certain time,
the light should go off!
[11:11] Ichi
Even those who weren't that tired
should try their best to fall asleep!
[11:15] Ichi
We have no choice but
to live by giving a little!
[11:17] Ichi
Because there are six of us, meow!
[11:23] Ichi
An oath. As of 3:16 AM on November 28th,
[11:27] Ichi
I, Matsuno Ichimatsu,
will put the "We Are Brothers,
[11:30] Ichi
So We Should Be More Considerate Toward
Each Other Campaign" into effect.
[11:33] Ichi
So, from now on, since we're brothers,
let's be more considerate of each other.
[11:36] Ichi
Meow!
[12:17] Kara
H-Hey! What is he doing?
[12:20] Choro
He's monitoring us.
[12:21] Kara
Monitoring us?
[12:22] Choro
He's checking to make sure
we're compromising and being
[12:26] Choro
considerate of each other.
[12:27] Todo
What? Seriously? That's so annoying.
[12:30] Ichi
Why, hello, Jyushimatsu-san.
[12:33] Jyushi
Hello. Thank you for everything you do.
[12:35] Todo
Uh, they're total strangers now!
[12:36] Todo
They've gone beyond being considerate!
[12:38] Choro
This sure turned out weird.
[12:41] Oso
Eh, who cares? Let's see how this plays out.
[12:44] Oso
It actually seems sorta fun.
[12:45] Choro
Huh? What's so fun about it?
[12:53] Ichi
Hold it.
[12:55] Ichi
Why did you put the soy sauce
back in front of you?
[12:58] Ichi
You know other people will use it, right?
[12:59] Ichi
With that in mind, you should
return it to where it was, right?
[13:02] Oso
Huh? S-Sure...
[13:09] Ichi
Seriously! Why would you put
it back in front of you?
[13:12] Ichi
Choromatsu's going
to use it next, isn't he?
[13:15] ---
Here.
[13:17] Ichi
How is this right?
[13:18] Ichi
We both paid half for that,
and yet about two-thirds is gone.
[13:22] Ichi
That's not considered half, is it?
[13:27] Ichi
Why are you only eating all
the yellow Tunapiro pieces?
[13:30] Ichi
If you don't eat them equally
with the silver pieces,
[13:32] Ichi
someone's going to have to eat
only the silver pieces later!
[13:36] Ichi
Seriously...
SIGN Vanilla
[13:37] Ichi
Why are you only eating the vanilla ones?
[13:40] Ichi
Eat a vanilla one, then a chocolate one!
Think about the balance!
[13:43] Ichi
How is this right?
[13:44] Ichi
You should take good care
of things you borrow, right?
[13:47] Ichi
How is this right?
[13:48] Ichi
You should probably pay for that now, right?
[13:51] Ichi
Yeah, no. That's unforgivable.
SIGN Pawn Shop
SIGN Pawn Shop
[13:54] Ichi
Out.
SIGN Pawn Shop
[13:55] Ichi
Yeah, that's out.
SIGN Pawn Shop
SIGN Dried Fish
[13:57] Ichi
I'll kill you.
[13:59] Ichi
Seriously, stop.
[14:00] Ichi
Stop that, you shitty eldest.
[14:02] Ichi
Stop. Seriously, stop being a menace.
[14:04] Ichi
Not that, either. Or that!
[14:05] Ichi
Stop!
[14:06] Ichi
Out!
[14:07] Ichi
That's out! I already told you no on that!
[14:09] Oso
Hold it!
[14:11] Oso
Wait! Why am I the only one
getting caught so much?!
[14:14] Oso
He's seriously after me!
Isn't that messed up?!
[14:19] Oso
Come on, guys! Let's be honest!
[14:21] Oso
Being monitored like this
is suffocating! It's no fun!
[14:26] Oso
Majority rules! Ready?
[14:28] Oso
All those opposed to the
bullshit campaign called
[14:30] Oso
"We Are Brothers, So We Should Be Toward
Considerate About Each Other Campaign"!
[14:33] Oso
Me!
[14:39] Oso
What?!
[14:41] Ichi
Those who wish to continue this campaign.
[14:43] Four
Me.
[14:44] Oso
What?! Well, that's surprising!
[14:47] Choro
How is that surprising?
SIGN End
SIGN "Arcade Iyami"
[15:01] Iyami
Me knew it!
[15:04] Iyami
This is because of how virtuous me is
on a daily basis! Let's go straight away!
SIGN Aka Arcade
SIGN Whack-a-Komodo
SIGN Almost a Master
[15:24] Kid 1
Yes! I've never gotten 80 points before!
[15:28] Kid2
Good for you.
[15:29] Iyami
Out of the way.
[15:33] Kid 2
Uh, where did this guy that we kids should
definitely stay away from come from?
[15:41] Kid 1
Y-You're doing it on the highest level?
[15:46] Kid 1
What?! There are even more
Komodo dragon holes now!
[15:49] Kid 1
What is this?
[15:51] Game
3... 2... 1... Start!
[15:57] Iyami
Sheeeh!
[16:01] Kid 1
What?!
[16:03] Iyami
Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh! Sheh!
[16:06] Iyami
Secret Technique: Ridiculously Void
of Any Joints Asura Spinning Top!
SIGN Secret Technique: Ridiculously Void of Any Joints Asura Spinning Top
SIGN You Should've Come the Day Before
SIGN Almost a Master
SIGN You Don't Even Need a Shotgun
[16:32] Kid 2
He got the highest rank!
[16:34] Kid 1
Th-That's amazing!
[16:45] Kid 1
No way...
[16:47] Kid 2
H-How's he supposed to deal with all that?
[16:50] Game
3... 2... 1... Start!
[16:56] Iyami
Sheeeh!
[17:05] Iyami
Special Move: Moon Saltic No Gravity My Star
Dreaming Journey Panic Sealing Farce!
SIGN Special Move: Moon Saltic No Gravity My Star Dreaming Journey Panic Sealing Farce
[17:14] Kids
Huh? Say what?
[17:16] Iyami
Sheeh, sheh, sheh, sheh, sheeeh!
[17:28] Kid 1
A-Amazing... The ones that went into
a panic were the Komodo dragons.
[17:33] Kid 2
H-How can you hit them
so fast, mister? Tell us!
[17:38] Iyami
I can see what moves the Komodo
dragons will make two seconds ahead.
[17:42] Iyami
That's why I can hit them in time.
[17:44] Kid 2
Y-You can see their moves two seconds ahead?
[17:46] Kid 1
Oh, crap! I can't tell if
he's amazing or just insane!
[17:51] Kid
Hey, Master!
[17:52] Kid 3
Do this one!
SIGN Loser
SIGN Tie
[17:54] Kid 2
What? A rock-paper-scissors game?
[17:56] Kid 1
Come on. It's impossible for even the
master to continue winning on this game.
[17:58] Game
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
[18:00] Game
You win!
[18:01] Game
Rock, paper, you win!
[18:02] Kid 1
There's no way to strategize
at rock-paper-scissors...
[18:03] Game
Rock, paper, you win!
[18:05] Game
Rock, paper, you win!
[18:07] Game
Rock, paper, you win!
[18:08] Game
Rock, paper, you win!
[18:08] Kid
How?
[18:09] Game
Rock, paper, you win!
[18:09] Kid
How?!
[18:10] Game
Rock, paper, you win!
[18:12] Kid 1
That's awesome!
[18:13] Kid 1
He won all the tokens!
Is this even possible?
[18:16] Kid 3
But there's no strategy for this!
[18:18] Kid 3
He didn't even use a secret
technique or special move!
[18:20] Iyami
Sheeeh. Using secret techniques
or special moves is second rate.
[18:24] Iyami
What's important is exact preparation.
[18:26] Kid 3
Preparation?
[18:28] Iyami
All the top athletes say this...
[18:30] Iyami
How much preparation they're
able to do before their match
[18:33] Iyami
will determine if they win or lose.
[18:35] Iyami
Which means...
[18:35] Iyami
I played rock-paper-scissors and kept losing
as much as possible before coming here,
[18:39] Iyami
and raised the probability
of me winning over and over!
[18:42] Kid 1
What? Seriously?!
[18:44] Kid 2
So the master was already playing games
before coming to the arcade!
[18:49] Kid 1
Please adopt me, Master!
[18:50] Kid 2
Please adopt me, too!
[18:53] Iyami
Sheeeh. Me will be taking my leave now.
[18:57] Chibi
Hold it.
[18:59] Chibi
The hell? If we let you go now,
our reputation will be ruined, you idjit.
[19:04] Chibi
You got enough guts to play
this impregnable game?
[19:09] Kid 2
A claw machine?
[19:11] Kid 1
You idiot. That game ain't nothing
if you let our dad play it.
[19:15] Kid 3
No, wait.
SIGN Ultra C Rating
[19:16] Kid 3
Th-This claw machine...
is no ordinary claw machine.
[19:19] Kid 3
Look!
[19:21] Kid 1
The plushies are all completely
out of reach of the crane!
[19:25] Kid 1
This isn't good, Dad!
[19:28] Hata
Jo.
[19:29] Kid 2
And the crane doesn't even have a claw!
[19:31] Kid 1
What?!
[19:32] Hata
Jo.
[19:33] Kid 2
Plus, the button to operate
the machine's been taken off!
SIGN 1 Play 6 Plays
[19:36] Kid 3
There isn't even a place to put money in!
You can't even start the game!
[19:41] Hata
Jo!
[19:42] Kid
I-It's no use. Even our dad
can't beat a game like this...
[19:47] Iyami
Final Secret Technique...
[19:50] Iyami
Iyami's Pose of Darkness...
SIGN Iyami's Pose of Darkness
[19:52] Iyami
You are not playing the game.
[19:55] Iyami
The fact you are playing a game is proof
you're being played by the game.
[20:01] Iyami
Meaning the game is me.
[20:03] Iyami
Me is the game. Nay!
[20:05] Iyami
Me is the arcade itself!
[20:14] Plushies
I want out.
[20:15] Plushies
Please catch me.
[20:16] Plushies
Catch me.
[20:18] Plushies
Let us out.
[20:19] Kid 1
H-Hey, look. The plushies!
[20:28] Plushies
Thank you.
[20:29] Plushies
Thank you.
[20:29] Plushies
Thank you.
[20:30] Plushies
Thank you.
[20:32] Kid 1
They're all coming out on their own!
We won without any bloodshed!
[20:36] Plushies
Thank you!
[20:52] Iyami
Me got another one!
[20:56] Iyami
Sheeeh! Me got another one!
[21:00] Chibi
G-Go home...
[21:02] Iyami
Thank you! Thank you! Sheeeh!
[21:06] Chibi
Just go home! Jeez!
SIGN End
SIGN "Totoko and Nyaa 2"
[22:46] Chibi
Here you go.
[22:49] Nya
Thanks, meow!
[22:56] Nya
I'm having drinks today
with some oden, meow!
[22:58] Nya
Hashtag late night snack terrorism.
Hashtag drinking by myself.
[22:58] Sign
Likes: 57
nyanyanya_28 I'm having drinks today with some oden, meow~
#LateNightSnackTerrorism #DrinkingByMyself #Suffering
#OldMan #AlwaysDrunk
#I'mReallyLonely #HowManyTimesIsThis
[23:00] Nya
Hashtag suffering. Hashtag old man.
[23:02] Nya
Hashtag always drunk.
Hashtag I'm really lonely.
[23:05] Nya
Hashtag how many times is this?
[23:21] Totoko
Take that!
[23:22] Nya
Hot!
[23:28] Sigh
Yowai Totoko
Found a funny cat!!
#PleaseRetweet #PleaseRetweetLots
#PleaseRetweetSuperLots #LookAtThisWhenYou'reDepressed
[23:28] Toto
Found a funny cat!
[23:29] Toto
Hashtag please retweet.
Hashtag please retweet lots.
[23:32] Toto
Hashtag please retweet super lots.
Hashtag look at this when you're depressed.
[23:35] Nyaa
What the hell are you doing, you bitch?!
[23:37] Toto
You wanna fight?!
[23:38] Chibi
Hey, hey, hey...
SIGN To Be Continued
SIGN Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN "Karamatsu and Brother" etc.
[23:49] Kara
Too bad. Apparently there isn't much time
for the next episode preview this week.
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