E25 - Mr. Osomatsu in Hell

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:06] Oso
    Well, it's actually not that big of a deal.
[00:10] Oso
    There's just something
    I want to say to you guys.
[00:14] All
    Huh?
[00:16] Iyami
    Sheeeh! Treasure hunting!
[00:20] Iyami
    Treasure hunting by yourself is always best!
[00:23] Iyami
    Me will be the only one getting rich!
    Me will be the only one who's happy!
[00:31] Iyami
    Sheh!
[00:32] Oso
    So... I've been thinking...
[00:37] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[00:41] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[00:44] ---
    Sheeeh!
[02:32] Choro
    Huh?
[02:33] Choro
    Where are we?
[02:35] Kara
    What is this place?
[02:37] Jyu
    What happened?
[02:39] Todo
    No idea. I have no idea, but...
[02:42] Todo
    We're wearing white robes, right?
[02:44] All
    Yeah.
[02:45] Todo
    We have this triangle thing
    on our heads, right?
[02:47] All
    Yeah.
[02:48] Todo
    And that's a river, right?
[02:49] All
    Yeah.
[02:50] Todo
    And the dead are going
    across that river, right?
[02:53] All
    Yeah...
[02:54] Todo
    We're dead, aren't we?
[02:59] Choro
    We're dead!
[03:00] Jyu
    Seriously?!
[03:02] Kara
    What's going on? How did this happen?!
[03:04] Todo
    I don't remember a thing!
[03:07] Ichi
    Yeah, but... there's nothing we can do, right?
[03:10] Ichi
    Today's the last episode.
[03:13] Ichi
    It's all over today, anyway.
[03:14] All
    Ah...
[03:16] All
    I see!
[03:18] Kara
    Good point. It's the end,
    so all that's left is for us to die.
SIGN    "Mr. Osomatsu in Hell"
[03:21] Jyu
    No wonder we're dead!
[03:23] Choro
    We're so dead!
[03:24] Todo
    Done for!
[03:25] Ichi
    Great work, guys.
[03:27] Jyu
    Thanks!
[03:28] All
    Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
[03:30] All
    Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
[03:32] All
    Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
[03:34] All
    Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
[03:36] All
    Underworld! Underworld, Underworld!
[03:36] Choro
    What's wrong?
[03:38] All
    Underworld... Underworld, Underworld!
[03:38] Oso
    I just...
[03:40] All
    Underworld... Underworld, Underworld!
[03:40] Oso
    have a feeling I've forgotten
    something really important.
[03:44] Choro
    Something important?
[03:45] Choro
    Oh, yeah. You were about to say
    something right before we died...
[03:50] Oso
    What was it?
[03:51] Oso
    I can't shake the feeling that I was
    supposed to tell you guys something.
[03:55] Oso
    Um...
[04:06] Nya
    I didn't hang out with you guys much,
    but rest in peace.
[04:12] Chibi
    Dekapan!
[04:13] Chibi
    Are those supposed to be
    your funeral clothes?
[04:15] Deka
    They are.
[04:20] Choro
    So...
[04:22] Choro
    What's this really important thing?
[04:26] Kara
    Hey!
[04:27] Kara
    It looks like we're here.
[04:31] Oni
    Welcome, souls of the dead!
SIGN    Good
[04:34] Oni
    This is the room of judgment,
    where we will decide
SIGN    Bad
[04:38] Oni
    whether you'll go to Heaven
[04:41] Oni
    or get thrown into Hell!
[04:43] Todo
    Yup. Got it.
[04:44] Oni
    Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it!
[04:48] Oni
    This is the one who'll decide where you go.
[04:52] Oni
    The great King Enma!
SIGN    Chairman
[05:05] Bros
    Huh?
[05:07] Bros
    Wait, what?!
[05:09] Bros
    Huh?
[05:11] Ichi
    That's Hijirisawa Shonosuke, isn't it?
[05:13] Jyu
    Yup.
[05:14] Kara
    What's going on?
[05:16] Enma
    I'm King Enma.
[05:18] All
    Huh?
[05:18] Enma
    I'm Enma.
[05:20] All
    Huh?!
[05:21] Enma
    I've been keepin' an eye on your daily
    lives for the sake of this day,
[05:26] Enma
    observin' to see if y'all were good or bad.
[05:32] Enma
    But in reality...
[05:41] Enma
    I'm King Enma.
[05:42] All
    What?!
[05:44] Oso
    You are?!
[05:45] Todo
    That startled me!
[05:47] Enma
    Okay, I'm gonna judge y'all now.
[05:50] Enma
    And to Hell y'all go.
[05:53] Choro
    Wait! That was too fast!
SIGN    To Hell
[05:57] Todo
    That's dangerous! The hell
    are you doing, Enma?!
[05:59] Ichi
    Enma, you jerk!
[06:00] Choro
    What the hell?!
[06:01] Jyu
    Don't mess with us!
[06:05] Toto
    On March 26th, the six of them
    unfortunately passed on.
[06:10] Toto
    Their lifelong career as NEETs
    was cut all too short,
[06:14] Toto
    and they were headed toward recovery,
    so this is truly tragic.
[06:19] Toto
    They were all wonderful people,
    and I only have great memories.
[06:22] Toto
    For example...
[06:24] Toto
    Uh... For example...
[06:27] Toto
    Huh?
[06:30] Toto
    Huh?
[06:31] Oso
    Why are we being sent to Hell?!
[06:34] All
    Yeah, yeah!
[06:35] Enma
    Well, ya ain't goin' to
    Heaven! Why would you?
[06:38] Oso
    There're plenty of reasons!
    We've done so many good things!
[06:42] All
    Yeah, yeah!
[06:44] Enma
    Fer example?
[06:45] Oso
    For example?
[06:49] Oso
    For example, you know...
[06:52] Oso
    Totty.
[06:53] Todo
    Hmm?
[06:53] Oso
    Tell the man.
[06:54] Todo
    What?!
[06:55] Todo
    Well, y-you know... For example...
[06:59] Todo
    Like helping people out?
[07:01] Todo
    Also, we may or may not have
    treated our parents well...
[07:04] Todo
    I think I've heard rumors of such.
[07:07] Enma
    Couldja be more specific?
[07:08] Todo
    Specific? Well, Jyushimatsu-niisan
    can tell you all about that.
[07:13] Jyu
    Huh?!
[07:13] Jyu
    Uh... Well, anyway, we lived lives
    worthy of an eternity in Heaven.
[07:19] Enma
    Like, how so?
[07:21] Jyu
    How so, Ichimatsu-niisan?
[07:23] Ichi
    Huh?! I'm sure Choromatsu-niisan
    will tell you.
SIGN    Good
[07:26] Choro
    Wait, wait, wait, wait!
    You tell him, Karamatsu-niisan.
SIGN    Bad
[07:30] Kara
    Wow! Tell him, Osomatsu.
[07:32] Oso
    Huh?! No, you guys tell him!
[07:34] Oso
    We've done lots of good things!
[07:37] Jyu
    For example?
[07:37] Oso
    Huh?! For example... What did we do again?
[07:42] Kara
    It just so happens I can't remember.
[07:44] Choro
    Yeah, funny story...
[07:45] All
    Yup.
[07:46] Enma
    Y'all done?
[07:47] All
    Wait!
[07:49] Choro
    You've got it all wrong! I mean, yeah,
    these bastards are bound for Hell,
[07:53] Choro
    but I deserve to go to Heaven.
[07:55] All
    Huh?!
[07:56] Choro
    I mean, I'm so earnest, and I work so hard!
[07:59] Choro
    So I get to go to Heaven, right?
[08:03] Kara
    It's me who should go to Heaven!
[08:05] Kara
    Why is someone as cool and
    kind as me going to Hell?
[08:09] Kara
    Wake up.
[08:10] Ichi
    You wake up!
[08:11] Ichi
    I'm the only one who
    deserves to go to Heaven,
[08:13] Ichi
    because I'm the only one who
    acknowledges I'm trash.
[08:15] Ichi
    I'm humble, reserved...
    I'm a really good person.
[08:19] Todo
    How?!
[08:20] Todo
    King Enma! I don't think
    I deserve Heaven at all!
[08:20] Oni
    Yeah, I think it might take a little longer...
    Huh? There's a huge line?
[08:23] Todo
    Because I'm a terrible person!
    I regret everything I've done, so...
[08:24] Oni
    Yeah, sorry about that.
[08:25] Jyushi
    Would you stop with that ploy?!
[08:29] Jyu
    I should go to Heaven!
[08:30] Jyu
    Because I'm the funniest
    and the most popular! Thanks!
[08:34] Oso
    Shut up!
[08:35] Jyu
    Boeh!
[08:35] Oso
    Just hurry up and send me to Heaven!
[08:38] Oso
    These guys deserve Hell. Because...
[08:41] Oso
    That's just the man I am.
[08:42] Choro
    The hell are you talking about?!
[08:44] Kara
    Brother! Hurry up and go to Hell!
[08:46] Ichi
    No, you're going to Hell!
[08:48] Todo
    You shitty NEET!
[08:49] Jyu
    You're a shitty NEET, too!
[08:53] Enma
    Hey!
[08:55] Enma
    So, what'd y'all decide?
[08:57] Enma
    Point to the person y'all think
    should go to Hell when I say so.
[09:00] Enma
    Here we go. Ready, and...
[09:03] Enma
    And done.
SIGN    To Hell
[09:09] Enma
    Have a nice time in Hell!
[09:18] Chibi
    Hey! What're you doing?!
SIGN    Matsuno Family Funeral
[09:21] Chibi
    You guys...
[09:23] Both
    Wait!
[09:28] Toto
    What? You're taking them in that truck?
[09:31] Dad
    We couldn't afford anything else.
[09:33] Dad
    But this is more than enough
    for our idiots, anyway.
[09:37] Toto
    Probably.
[09:41] Mom
    Well, see you later.
[09:43] Deka
    Be careful.
[09:45] Dayon
    We'll catch up with you later.
[09:47] Hata
    Bye-bye, jo.
[10:06] Toto
    Chibita-kun?
[10:17] Jyu
    Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
[10:17] Choro
    Ow! It hurts! It hurts!
[10:20] Jyu
    The hell are you doing?!
[10:22] Todo
    Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
[10:23] Kara
    Hot! Hot!
[10:25] Todo
    Hot, hot!
[10:26] Todo
    Take that!
[10:28] Todo
    Hot, hot, hot!
[10:37] Oso
    Huh? They grew back.
[10:39] Lady
    Okay, one more time.
[10:40] Oso
    Huh?
[10:52] Jyushi
    Bring it!
[10:58] Jyushi
    One more!
[10:59] Both
    That's enough!
[11:03] Jyu
    Not done yet!
[11:04] Both
    Thank you, we're done.
[11:07] Jyu
    Not done yet!
[11:08] Both
    No more!
[11:09] Jyu
    Not done yet!
[11:10] Both
    No more!
[11:11] Jyu
    Not done yet...
[11:12] Both
    Jyushimatsu...
[11:17] Girls
    Kara-chun, wait!
[11:18] Kara
    No!
[11:27] Oni
    Double riichi.
[11:29] Oni
    Double riichi.
[11:31] Oni
    Double riichi.
[11:35] All
    Ron. Kokushi musou.
[11:37] Oso
    What?!
[11:44] Girl 1
    He's so Osomatsu!
[11:45] Girl 2
    So lame!
[11:47] Girl
    What is that?
[11:48] Girl
    He's so small!
[11:49] Oso
    This really is Hell...
[11:52] Guy
    All right, I'm now going to read Totty's
    essays from middle school.
[11:57] Todo
    Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
[11:58] Guy
    "I Want to Be a Flower,"
    by Matsuno Todomatsu.
[12:00] Todo
    Wait! This is way too Hellish! Wait!
[12:02] Guy
    "Flowers are beautiful. Flowers are pretty."
[12:04] Todo
    Wait!
[12:06] Guy
    "I want to make my own flower
    bloom. I will, one day, bloom."
[12:09] Todo
    There it is! The clause swap!
[12:10] Todo
    Everyone does it, right? Right? Right?
[12:12] guy
    "Blooming bathed in sunlight is the flower."
[12:14] todo
    Ending the sentence with a noun!
    It just happens, am I right? Right?!
[12:17] guy
    "But I don't plan to compete with
    the other flowers with my beauty."
[12:21] Todo
    That's enough, isn't it?!
[12:22] Guy
    "Because I don't have to be number one."
[12:25] Todo
    Uh, bad idea, bad idea, bad idea...
[12:26] Guy
    "Because I'm me, the only one."
[12:29] Todo
    Yeah, I think I've heard that phrase before!
[12:31] Todo
    Stuff like that happens... in middle school.
[12:34] Guy
    Next, we have the high school edition.
[12:36] Guy
    "The sky I saw on that day..."
[12:37] Todo
    Seriously, that's enough!
[12:41] Ichi
    Ow!
[12:42] Choro
    Hot!
[12:47] Ichi
    One more time.
[12:49] Todo
    Wait, why are you on that side?
[12:51] Guy
    "My Best Friend," by Matsuno Ichimatsu.
[12:56] ---
    Appirakonpirange!
[13:01] Guy
    Good job.
SIGN    Hell Stamp Card
    Go for Reincarnation
[13:03] Guy
    Just 80 quadrillion, 60 billion years
    until your next reincarnation.
[13:06] Guy
    Keep it up.
[13:13] Kara
    Hey, look over there.
[13:15] Oni
    Work! King Enma hates the dark!
[13:18] Kara
    I thought I hadn't seen them in a while.
[13:20] Oni
    Put your heart into it and turn!
[13:20] Kara
    I guess they died, too.
[13:22] Todo
    So this is where they were.
[13:24] Ichi
    Hey, over there.
[13:28] Ichi
    Looks like he died, too.
[13:30] Todo
    Robots can die?
[13:40] Choro
    This really is the end.
[13:42] Todo
    I've had it...
[13:43] Kara
    I can't...
[13:45] Ichi
    Good work, guys.
[13:47] Jyus
    Thanks.
[13:50] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[13:52] Oso
    Iyami?
[13:54] Iya
    Move! The treasure's waiting for me!
[13:57] Iya
    Me is going treasure hunting!
[14:00] Oso
    Treasure hunting?
[14:06] Oso
    I remember!
[14:08] Choro
    Remember what?
[14:08] Oso
    You know! The thing I forgot!
[14:11] Choro
    Finally?! You remember?
[14:13] Oso
    Yeah!
[14:13] Todo
    What?
[14:13] Kara
    What is it?
[14:15] Oso
    Listen up, guys...
[14:22] Oso
    We've gone to Hell, so we've
    pretty much given up, but...
[14:29] Oso
    Weren't we all...
[14:31] Oso
    still virgins?
[14:33] Choro
    Huh?
[14:34] Choro
    Er...
[14:35] Choro
    Um...
[14:37] Choro
    No, no...
[14:38] All
    True!
[14:39] Choro
    No, no, no!
[14:39] Kara
    That's right! We were still virgins!
[14:42] Jyu
    And yet we died?! Did we give up?
[14:44] Ichi
    How stupid...
[14:45] Todo
    Crap! We have to hurry up and be reborn!
[14:48] Choro
    Hold it!
[14:50] Choro
    Weren't you going to tell us something
    really important right before we died?!
[14:55] Choro
    What happened to the
    rest of that conversation?!
[14:57] Oso
    Huh? Say what?
[14:58] Choro
    Huh?!
[14:59] Ichi
    Choro-chan, who even cares about
    that lame-ass topic right now?
[15:03] Ichi
    We died as virgins.
    That's way more important, isn't it?
[15:09] Choro
    True!
[15:10] Ichi
    Right.
[15:12] Chibi
    Sensei, we can't just give up...
[15:16] Hata
    It's so lonely, jo!
[15:17] Deka
    Can't you do something?
[15:20] Dayon
    Please do something!
[15:22] Toto
    Please, Sensei!
[15:23] Choro
    What are we going to do?!
[15:25] Choro
    I wanna do it now! I wanna go back now!
[15:27] Kara
    Yeah, but...
[15:29] Oso
    Ugh! Jeez!
[15:30] All
    What are we gonna do?!
[15:33] All
    Do something, Akatsuka-sensei!
[15:42] Jyu
    Hey, look!
[15:53] Todo
    Wait, if we climb that,
    will we be brought back to life?
[15:56] Todo
    Seriously?!
[15:57] Kara
    All right, you virgins!
    Time to come back to life!
[16:00] All
    Yeah!
[16:01] Enma
    Hang on there.
[16:04] Enma
    Y'all died.
[16:06] Enma
    Give it up!
[16:10] Choro
    Wait, wait, wait, wait!
[16:11] Ichi
    Let go!
[16:12] Jyu
    Hurgh!
[16:13] Kara
    We still...
[16:14] Todo
    Sensei!
[16:15] All
    Save us!
[16:20] Jyu
    What are you laughing at?!
[16:22] Ichi
    Get a grip, Fujio!
[16:23] Kara
    Save us, Fujio!
[16:24] Choro
    You bastard creator!
[16:27] Chibi
    The hell?!
[16:32] Toto
    Take that!
[16:35] All
    What?!
[16:41] All
    E-Everyone!
[16:43] Todo
    Why are you here? How?!
[16:47] Chibi
    You guys still haven't paid your tab.
[16:50] Chibi
    Who gave you permission to die,
    you idjits, damn it?!
[16:53] Toto
    Honestly!
[16:55] Toto
    Hurry up and come back to life...
[16:57] Toto
    and flatter me to death!
[16:59] Hata
    Friends, jo!
[17:02] Deka
    It's not over yet!
[17:03] Dayon
    Don't give up yet, young men!
[17:06] Five
    Leave this to us, and go!
[17:10] Todo
    Everyone... Thank you.
[17:13] Kara
    Let's go!
[17:27] Six
    We're finished!
[17:32] Six
    Y-You're...
[17:34] Six
    Propershitter!
[17:37] Todo
    Leave this to us.
[17:40] Jyu
    We can't let them finish you just yet.
[17:42] Ichi
    We are all one.
[17:44] Choro
    Give us another chance.
[17:48] Kara
    We've already got our new song ready.
[17:50] Oso
    Don't worry. We sextuplets are invincible.
[17:54] Oso
    Okay...
[17:55] Oso
    Here we go, guys!
[17:58] All
    F6!
[18:11] All
    They're doing it properly!
[18:13] Kara
    Why are you just standing there?!
[18:15] Jyu
    Get brought back to life and Seccross!
[18:16] All
    Yeah!
[18:18] Chibi
    We're not...
[18:19] Toto
    ...the only ones on your side!
[18:22] Both
    Run and don't look back!
[18:26] Oso
    Sousou!
[18:27] Choro
    Maikomatsu!
[18:29] Todo
    Everyone!
[18:33] Sane
    Brothers!
[18:35] Sane
    Brothers!
[18:38] Six
    Sanematsu!
[18:39] Jyu
    You're dead, too? I guess
    I had a feeling you might be!
[18:44] Jyu
    Nice, Sanematsu!
[18:45] Kara
    Run!
[19:07] Osom
    We're not going to let it end...
[19:10] All
    ...like this!
[19:12] Oso
    All right!
[19:18] Oso
    Huh?! What the hell are you doing, Iyami?
[19:23] Ichi
    Hey, hey, hey!
[19:24] Jyu
    Iyami!
[19:28] Iyami
    Sheeeh! It's going to break!
[19:31] Kara
    Hey!
[19:33] Iya
    Stay back! Get off!
[19:38] Oso
    Why, you...
[19:39] Iya
    Osomatsu!
[19:40] Oso
    Iyami!
[19:50] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[19:58] All
    Final Propershitter!
[20:29] Choro
    Wait, what are you going to do?!
[20:31] Todo
    No way!
[20:35] Chibi
    Go!
[20:37] Six
    Stop!
[20:45] All
    Sheeeh!
[21:12] Chibi
    What happened?
[21:13] Deka
    Did they make it?
SIGN    Next Life
SIGN    Sextuplets
[21:32] Oso
    We're back!
[21:34] All
    We're back!
[21:36] Dad
    W-Welcome back?
[21:38] Mom
    Welcome back...
[21:45] Todo
    Our bodies decayed!
[21:47] Choro
    Shit! I'm on fire!
[21:48] Kara
    Hot, hot, hot!
[21:49] Ichi
    Hey, my eyeball fell out.
[21:50] Jyu
    My dick fell off, too!
[21:52] Oso
    What was the point in coming back to life?!
[21:54] Choro
    The hell?!
[21:54] Jyu
    Crap! My balls fell off, too!
[21:56] Oso
    Seriously?!
[21:57] Kara
    What the hell?!
SIGN    Iyami's grave
[22:04] Iya
    Sheeeh!
SIGN    End
SIGN    End Card Illustration Asano Naoyuki
SIGN    See you again someday!!
[23:39] Oso
    Well, everyone...
[23:40] Six
    Thank you for watching!
[23:45] All
    Great job!
[23:47] All
    Great job, great job, great job!
[23:47] Todo
    It's over.
[23:49] Oso
    Yeah, it's over.
[23:50] Some
    So, what do you wanna do now?
[23:52] Choro
    What else? Let's get some prostitutes.
[23:54] Todo
    Prostitutes?
[23:55] Oso
    Is that where this is going?