E9 - Let's Do Chores

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "Sheeeh"
[01:40] Ichi
    Ron.
[01:42] Ichi
    12,000.
[01:43] Oso
    Sheeeh!
[01:44] Kara
    Damn, that's a lot!
[01:50] Todo
    Boo!
[01:51] Choro
    Sheeeh!
[01:52] Choro
    Stop that! I almost had a heart attack.
[01:55] Todo
    That was awesome!
[01:57] Shake
    I wonder what "sheeeh" is.
[01:59] Ume
    I wonder.
[02:03] Jyushi
    Huh? You want me to explain
    what "sheeeh" is?
[02:07] Shake
    Yes. We do not know what "sheeeh" is.
[02:10] Ume
    We do not.
[02:15] Jyushi
    We should ask its creator, then.
[02:18] Both
    Creator?
[02:20] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[02:22] Iyami
    Y-Y-You don't know what "sheeeh" is?
[02:28] Iyami
    You don't know what "sheeeh" is?
[02:31] Iyami
    You're telling me you don't
    know what "sheeeh" is?!
[02:36] Jyushi
    Whoa! Iyami, are you okay?
[02:39] Jyushi
    D-Don't take it personally.
[02:40] Jyushi
    They just popped up recently, so it's not
    surprising they don't know what it is.
[02:46] Iyami
    Hmph.
[02:52] Jyushi
    A scrapbook! You actually made one?
[02:56] Shake
    Is "sheeeh" widely known, then?
[02:58] Ume
    Is it that famous?
[03:01] Iyami
    Of course it is!
[03:02] Jyushi
    Calm down, Iyami.
[03:04] iyami
    "Sheeeh" is legendary gag from the Showa
    Era created by me, a star comedian.
[03:09] Iyami
    Back in the day, everyone mimicked it!
[03:12] Iyami
    The original Osomatsu-kun wouldn't
    have been popular without it!
[03:15] Iyami
    Which means Akatsuka Fujio-chan
    would've gone hungry, too!
[03:19] Iyami
    The stupid sextuplets
    wouldn't have been famous,
[03:21] Iyami
    and the anime wouldn't be
    airing again in the Reiwa Era!
[03:23] Iyami
    Studio Pierrot would've gone bankrupt,
[03:24] Iyami
    and you new characters
    never would've shown up!
[03:27] Iyami
    "Sheeeh" is the start of everything!
[03:29] Iyami
    How dare you be in this series
    without knowing that?!
[03:33] Jyushi
    Calm down, Iyami.
[03:35] Shake
    Understood.
[03:36] Ume
    Understood.
[03:38] Shake
    But I don't think "famous" is
    the correct way to describe it.
[03:42] Ume
    I don't believe it is.
[03:44] Iyami
    Hmm?
[03:45] Jyushi
    Uh, hey...
[03:46] Shake
    For example, we're from the Reiwa
    Era and we'd never heard of it.
[03:50] Shake
    It would appear that this is something
    from more than sixty years ago.
[03:55] Ume
    Therefore, it would be hard to believe
[03:57] Ume
    something so old would be so
    well-known in the present.
[04:01] Ume
    I'd say the level of recognition is 4.
[04:03] Shake
    Which would mean that "it used
    to be famous" is a better way
[04:06] Shake
    to describe it than "it is famous."
[04:08] Both
    "Sheeeh" is a thing from the past
    that is now just an awkward gag.
[04:11] Both
    We believe that this is more accurate.
[04:19] Iyami
    What agency do they belong to?
[04:22] Iyami
    How long have they been in the business?
[04:24] Iyami
    They're newbies still in their first year, right?
[04:27] Iyami
    You're gonna let them talk
    to a veteran like that?
[04:30] Iyami
    They didn't even come greet
    me before the show started.
[04:34] Iyami
    Me could see that they never work in
    this business again if me wanted to.
[04:37] Iyami
    Are they those 7th-generation
    comedians I keep hearing about?
[04:41] Iyami
    This is what happens when you don't
    properly teach these young'uns.
[04:49] Jyushi
    So... let's respect our elders.
[04:52] Jyushi
    That was a bit rude.
[04:54] Shake
    Apparently, we were rude,
    so we humbly apologize.
[04:58] Ume
    We apologize.
[05:00] Iyami
    As long as you understand.
[05:02] Iyami
    If you want to make a living off of a gag anime,
    you need to know more legendary gags.
[05:09] Shake
    Gag?
[05:10] Ume
    Gag.
[05:11] Shake
    I don't believe that's the correct
    way to describe that, either.
[05:14] Ume
    I don't think so, either.
[05:15] Jyushi
    Uh, hey!
SIGN    A short phrase or action inserted in the course of a conversation or activity that has nothing to do with whatever is going on and brings about laughter. Also known as a joke or a quip.
[05:17] Shake
    A gag is a humorous saying or
    action that makes people laugh.
[05:24] Ume
    But the expectation value
SIGN    Current expectation value for someone in the present laughing at "Sheeeh"
[05:25] Ume
    that someone in present times
    will laugh at "sheeeh" is 0.1%.
[05:29] Shake
    For example, if you were to enter a comedy
    competition with "sheeeh" as your weapon,
[05:32] Shake
    is it possible for you to become a finalist?
[05:35] Ume
    It is not. The farthest you'd
    get is the second round.
[05:37] Shake
    It's not funny. Meaning it doesn't
    mean the requirements for a gag.
[05:40] Ume
    Is there a reason for unfunny lines
    or actions from the Showa Era
[05:43] Ume
    to exist in the Reiwa Era?
[05:46] Both
    Is there any possibility of winning?
    What do you think?
[05:52] Iyami
    What agency do they belong to?
[05:55] Iyami
    How long have they been in the business?
[05:57] Iyami
    If they were my students, me would've
    beaten them to a pulp already.
SIGN    Junmai Ginjo Sake
    Shie
[06:02] Iyami
    Leave.
[06:03] Shake
    Please!
[06:04] Ume
    Please!
[06:06] Shake
    We'd like to know more about "sheeeh."
[06:09] Shake
    The sextuplets always seem
    to have fun using it,
[06:12] Shake
    but we AI don't understand it.
[06:15] Ume
    Don't go back inside. We'd like to
    understand "sheeeh" a little bit more.
[06:20] Both
    Please teach us the way
    of the sheeeh, master.
[06:23] Jyushi
    R-Riceballs...
[06:43] Iyami
    What do you think you're doing?
    Get over here already.
[06:46] Iyami
    Me will teach you.
[06:48] Jyushi
    Iyami, are you sure?
[06:50] Iyami
    It's part of a veteran's job to
    make sure our legacies live on.
[06:54] Iyami
    And...
[06:56] Iyami
    Look at this pathetic
    world we're in right now.
[06:59] Iyami
    We will need powerful gags soon,
[07:02] Iyami
    and me wants to hand those off
    to the younger generation.
[07:06] Jyushi
    I-Iyami!
[07:10] Iyami
    This is special.
[07:12] Iyami
    This is the one and only original sheeeh!
[07:18] Iyami
    What's the holdup? Just do what I do!
[07:22] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[07:23] Riceballs
    Sh-Sheeeh!
[07:25] Iyami
    Too soft! Sheeeh!
[07:27] Riceballs
    Sheeeh!
[07:28] Iyami
    It needs more oomph!
[07:29] Iyami
    The raised arm needs to be as straight
    as possible, bending just your wrist.
[07:33] Iyami
    The lower arm should be parallel
    to the ground, like this.
[07:36] Iyami
    Like this! This!
[07:38] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[07:39] Riceballs
    Sheeeh!
[07:40] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[07:41] Riceballs
    Sheeeh!
[07:42] Iyami
    Sheeeh! Sheeeh! Sheeeh!
[07:46] Iyami
    Sh-Sheeeh! Sh-Sheeeh!
[07:48] Iyami
    Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh...
[07:50] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[07:57] Iyami
    This is the power of a true legend.
[07:59] Shake
    Excuse me.
[08:01] Shake
    It's not that we actually
    want to do "sheeeh."
[08:04] Ume
    It's not.
[08:11] Shake
    We want you to explain
    to us what "sheeeh" is.
[08:15] Shake
    What exactly is the true nature of "sheeeh"?
[08:18] Iyami
    T...
[08:19] Iyami
    True nature?
[08:21] Ume
    What exactly is the meaning of sheeeh?
[08:23] Iyami
    M-Meaning?
[08:24] Shake
    Why does this gag exist?
[08:27] Ume
    Why exactly do you do it?
[08:29] Shake
    What is the cause-and-effect
    relationship between raising
[08:32] Shake
    your foot and angling your arms?
[08:33] Ume
    What's so funny about
    this in the first place?
[08:36] Shake
    What does it mean to be funny?
[08:38] Ume
    What's the point of this gag?
[08:39] Shake
    What's the point of "sheeeh"?
[08:40] Riceballs
    Why does it exist in this world?
[08:44] Iyami
    Sh-Sheeeh is...
[08:48] Iyami
    Sh-Sheh... Huh? M-Me is overthinking
    it now and me doesn't know...
[08:55] Iyami
    Is this it?
[08:57] Iyami
    How did me do it all this time? Sheh?!
[09:00] Iyami
    Sheps?!
[09:11] Riceballs
    We're done now.
[09:12] Jyushi
    Huh? Oh, you're done?
[09:15] Riceballs
    Sheeeh!
[09:18] Jyushi
    It's still not as sharp as it could be.
[09:20] Jyushi
    But thank goodness you got
    the master to teach you.
[09:24] Jyushi
    Hey, where's Iyami?
[09:29] Sign
    Me has left on a journey
    Please don't search for me
    Iyami
[09:29] Iyami
    Me has left on a journey.
    Please don't search for me.
[09:32] Jyushi
    What?! Why?!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Totonya's
SIGN    Shorts Series
[09:38] Toto
    Totonya's...
[09:39] Nya
    ...Shorts Series!
SIGN    Outfit
[09:41] Both
    Outfit!
SIGN    No Smoking
[09:49] Toto
    I just don't get it.
[09:51] Toto
    How are you more popular than me?
[09:54] Toto
    I'm definitely cuter,
    I'm a better singer and dancer,
[09:58] Toto
    my personality rules,
    and I'm basically perfect.
[10:01] Toto
    It just doesn't make sense.
    What should I do?
[10:06] Nya
    Why don't you quit the fish thing?
[10:09] Nya
    No one likes a fish idol.
    There's no demand for one.
[10:20] Nya
    Quit being a fish!
[10:26] Nyaa
    If you want to be popular...
[10:28] Nyaa
    Quit being a fish!
[10:35] Nyaa
    Why are you so obsessed with this thing?!
[10:40] Nyaa
    See?! You're way cuter this way,
    and you'll be way more popular...
[11:07] Nyaa
    How many of these do you have?!
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Let's Do Chores"
[11:16] Birbs
    Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp,
    chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp...
[11:20] Birbs
    Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp,
    chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp...
[11:24] Birbs
    Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp,
    chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp...
[11:40] ---
    Neighborhood
    Bulletin
[11:56] Oso
    Hey, Mom.
[11:58] Mom
    What?
[11:59] Oso
    The salmon was a bit burnt.
    Be more careful next time.
[12:02] Kara
    We're counting on you, Mommy.
[12:03] Todo
    And could you make the fried
    eggs a little runnier next time?
[12:06] Jyushi
    I think the food the Riceballs made
    for us the other day was better.
[12:10] Choro
    True. Mom, why don't you learn
    how to cook from the AI?
[12:15] Oso
    Huh?
[12:19] All
    Huh?
[12:21] Oso
    M-Mom?
[12:23] Mom
    I'm not doing chores anymore.
[12:25] All
    What?!
[12:26] Mom
    I won't be cooking, or cleaning, or doing laundry.
[12:30] Mom
    You can all do those on your own now.
[12:33] All
    Mom?!
[12:36] Kara
    H-Hey... What are we going to do about this?
[12:39] Jyushi
    This happened because you said
    something so awful, Osomatsu-niisan.
[12:42] Oso
    Hey, what you said was worse!
[12:44] Choro
    Wh-What should we do from now on?
[12:48] Todo
    Let's do the chores for today.
[12:52] All
    Huh?
[12:52] Oso
    Come on, now. No way.
[12:54] Todo
    We were mean to Mom,
    so it'll be punishment for that.
[12:57] Oso
    Nope, nope, nope.
[12:58] Todo
    At least, that's what it'll look like.
[13:02] Todo
    But really, if we don't get
    Mom back in a good mood now,
[13:05] Todo
    our survival as NEETs may be in danger.
[13:11] Oso
    Let's do those chores!
[13:12] Kara
    Yes, right now!
[13:18] Oso
    Fanks!
[13:20] Choro
    Hey!
[13:21] Choro
    Don't just throw them in there inside-out.
[13:24] Choro
    It's a pain to have to reverse them.
[13:27] Oso
    Huh? But isn't it better
    if they're inside-out?
[13:31] Oso
    I mean, it's the inside that stinks
    and soaks up all the sweat.
[13:36] Oso
    That goes for underwear, too.
    The side that your dick touched is dirty.
[13:40] Oso
    So what's wrong with throwing
    them in there like that?
[13:44] Oso
    What? You gonna tell me I'm wrong?
[13:51] Choro
    I'll go ahead and wash that
    smug heart for you, as well.
[14:07] Ichi
    Wee-ooh!
[14:10] Ichi
    The vacuum cleaner is an ambulance!
[14:12] Ichi
    If you hear it coming, move out of the way!
[14:14] Ichi
    The vacuum cleaner is an ambulance!
[14:19] Kara
    Th-The grill... is so hard to clean.
[14:23] Kara
    Hey, you guys! We're never eating grilled
    fish in this household ever again!
[14:28] Kara
    Got it?!
[14:30] Choro
    Hey.
[14:32] Choro
    Man, why couldn't the Riceballs
    be around at a time like this?
[14:37] Ichi
    #$^%(@ the toilet seat $@#(%!
[14:39] Ichi
    The toilet seat! #$^%(@
    the toilet seat $@#(%!
[14:40] Choro
    What? I have no idea what you're saying!
[14:42] Choro
    Calm down, Ichimatsu!
[14:44] Ichi
    Put the toilet seat down,
    sit, and take a piss.
[14:48] Ichi
    You're gonna get your filth everywhere!
[14:51] Choro
    What? It's not gonna get everywhere.
[14:54] Ichi
    You try cleaning it.
    You'll see how much it gets around.
[14:58] Ichi
    Now clean it. Clean it yourself.
    Come on, come on, come on, come on.
[15:08] Choro
    Let's put the toilet seat
    down and sit before peeing.
[15:19] Both
    #$^%(@ the toilet seat $@#(%!
[15:20] Oso
    Huh?! What?!
[15:24] Todo
    Bath towels dry quicker if
    you hang them up diagonally.
[15:28] Todo
    That's what it says on the internet.
[15:33] Todo
    The best thing for stains
    in carpets is vinegar.
[15:37] Todo
    You should be using baking
    soda for oil stains!
[15:40] Todo
    Use mandarin peels to get rid
    of smells in the microwave!
[15:42] Todo
    You'll get less pilling on sweaters
    if you turn them inside-out.
[15:46] Todo
    To get rid of water scale,
    use salt and grapefruit...
[15:53] Ichi
    Chores aren't gonna get done with
    internet wisdom alone, dumbass!
[15:56] Kara
    Move your body!
[15:58] Jyushi
    You moron!
[16:03] Todo
    Oh, God! It's gonna rip off!
[16:09] Ichi
    Hey.
[16:10] Ichi
    What are we going to do
    about dinner tonight?
[16:13] Choro
    Oh, good point.
[16:17] Oso
    Are you going shopping?
[16:18] Ichi
    Yeah. I'm gonna go to the supermarket.
[16:20] Oso
    What about money?
[16:21] Ichi
    Mom gave me some.
[16:22] Oso
    Oh, really? GLHF.
[16:25] Ichi
    You're coming with me.
[16:27] Ichi
    You're the only one who
    hasn't done anything yet.
[16:29] Ichi
    I'm onto you.
[16:32] Jyushi
    GLHF.
[16:51] Todo
    I can't... fold... long-sleeved T-shirts!
[16:55] Todo
    I want to murder something!
[17:01] Kara
    Whew, good grief. I'm finally done.
[17:09] Kara
    Heh... Finished.
[17:19] Kara
    I-It's neverending...
[17:21] Kara
    What's going on?
[17:23] Kara
    Could it be that I'm washing dishes
    only to produce more dishes to wash?!
SIGN    Akatsuka
     Mart
[17:35] Oso
    Hey, look, Ichimatsu.
SIGN    As Advertised
SIGN    Bankun
SIGN    As Advertised
SIGN    Schau Rassen
[17:37] Oso
    I never knew wieners cost so much.
[17:41] Ichi
    I had no idea.
[17:43] Ichi
    I guess that's why we only get
    to eat them every now and then.
SIGN    Miso, Dashi
SIGN    Dried Food, Nori
[17:48] Oso
    Hey, look, Ichimatsu.
[17:50] Oso
    Roasted nori's so expensive!
SIGN    Roasted Nori
SIGN    Seasonal Item
SIGN    Roasted Nori
[17:51] Oso
    I never knew roasted nori cost so much.
[17:54] Ichi
    I had no idea.
[17:55] Ichi
    I guess that's why Mom gets mad
    at us if we just keep eating it.
[18:11] Lady
    This register's open!
[18:14] Oso
    Congrats. You ended up picking
    the line that'll take the longest.
[18:23] Ichi
    Hey! Don't just throw whatever in there!
[18:24] Ichi
    Take all that out!
[18:26] Ichi
    Seriously... Why would you put
    anything soft at the bottom?
[18:30] Ichi
    You put the solid, heavy stuff at the bottom.
[18:32] Ichi
    Like these cans or the breast meat!
[18:35] Ichi
    Got it?
[18:40] Ichi
    How in the world?
[18:41] Ichi
    Divide them so each bag
    weighs about the same.
[18:44] Ichi
    They'll be hard to carry otherwise.
[18:48] Ichi
    Hang on a second!
[18:50] Ichi
    Don't put prepared side dishes in as-is!
    You need to put them in plastic bags.
[19:02] Ichi
    The hell are you doing?
[19:08] Ichi
    What the hell are you doing?
[19:13] Choro
    So cold! The pain!
[19:29] Ichi
    They're so heavy...
[19:30] Oso
    So heavy...
[19:32] Oso
    I guess shopping is hard labor.
[19:35] Ichi
    Mom deserves to be paid.
[19:39] Oso
    Whoa.
[19:40] Oso
    Look at the time...
[19:42] Oso
    I guess it takes a while.
[19:44] Ichi
    Let's hurry home. My hands hurt.
[19:47] Oso
    Yeah.
[19:50] Ichi
    Tissue boxes and toilet paper
    are pretty cheap, today only.
SIGN    Akatsuka Drugs
[19:54] Ichi
    Should we buy some?
[19:56] Oso
    Uh, how?
[19:57] Oso
    We already have so much to carry.
[19:59] Ichi
    But it's only for today. And they're cheap.
[20:02] Oso
    Let's not. I can't carry any more.
[20:04] Ichi
    But it's today only.
[20:06] Oso
    What?
[20:09] Oso
    Should we buy some, then?
[20:11] Ichi
    But it'd be heavy.
[20:12] Oso
    But it's cheap.
[20:13] Ichi
    But it's heavy.
[20:14] Oso
    But it's cheap.
[20:14] Ichi
    But it's heavy.
[20:15] Oso
    But it's cheap.
[20:16] Both
    What to do?
[20:48] Oso
    Mom... we're done.
[20:55] Ichi
    Here's dinner.
[20:57] Ichi
    We did the cleaning and laundry, too.
[21:00] Kara
    There aren't any dishes left, either.
[21:03] Kara
    I washed the pots and pans we used, as well.
[21:06] Todo
    Sorry... about this morning!
[21:09] All
    We're sorry!
[21:12] Todo
    So... do you forgive us?
[21:20] Six
    Thank goodness!
[21:27] Dad
    I'm home.
[21:29] Six
    It's Dad!
[21:32] Dad
    You guys made all this? That's amazing.
[21:36] Jyushi
    Go on, have some!
[21:37] Choro
    Before it gets cold.
[21:39] Dad
    Nah, I'm good.
[21:41] Six
    Huh?
[21:42] Dad
    I had dinner with some work buddies
     tonight, so I don't need dinner.
[21:49] Ichi
    If you're going to eat out...
[21:52] Todo
    ...you need to...
[21:54] All
    ...call home first!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Next time on
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[23:34] Todo
    Hello!
[23:35] Todo
    Youngest brother Matsuno Todomatsu here!
[23:37] Todo
    On the next Mr. Osomatsu,
    we have "Werewolf."
[23:40] Todo
    That's right! The game where we try to
    figure out who the nasty ol' werewolf is!
[23:46] Todo
    I wish I was playing it with girls, though.
[23:48] Todo
    Why's it gotta be with my brothers?
SIGN    "Werewolf" etc.
[23:51] Todo
    Could someone just execute them already?