E9 - Chibita and Oden / Jyushimatsu Falls in Love

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Hata
    Dajo, da-dajo. Dajo, dajo.
[00:04] Hata
    Da-da-da-da-da-dajo, dajo, dajo.
[00:08] Hata
    It snowed, jo!
[00:11] Hata
    Yay, snowmen, jo!
[00:13] Hata
    Snowman! Snowman!
[00:17] Hata
    Jo?
[00:23] Hata
    Wh-What the jo?
[00:29] Oso
    Osomatsu...
[00:30] Ichi
    ...and Ichimatsu's...
[00:31] Both
    ...delivery skit!
[00:33] Ichi
    The actually rather awkward
    "The Crane Repays a Debt."
[00:36] Hata
    Jo?
SIGN    Delivery Skit
SIGN    The Actually Rather Awkward
SIGN    The Crane Repays a Debt
[00:40] Oso
    Knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock, knock.
[00:43] Ichi
    Who might you be?
[00:44] Oso
    I'm sorry for bothering you so late.
[00:46] Oso
    I've lost my way because of the snow.
[00:49] Oso
    Could you possibly let me stay for the ni—
[00:51] Ichi
    Nope.
[00:52] Oso
    Whoa, whoa, wait! Wait a sec.
[00:54] Oso
    Well... I'm just gonna come out and say this.
[00:59] Oso
    I'm the crane! You know,
    the one you saved earlier today.
[01:02] Ichi
    Oh...
[01:04] Oso
    I've come to repay my debt.
[01:07] Ichi
    No, that's okay.
[01:10] Oso
    Huh?
[01:10] Ichi
    I can't help if you just show up
    out of nowhere. Bye.
[01:13] Oso
    Wait, wait, wait...
[01:14] Ichi
    Huh?
[01:15] Oso
    Um... I can, like, weave, and stuff...
[01:19] Ichi
    I told you, that's not necessary.
[01:20] Oso
    It's not necessary?
[01:22] Ichi
    Right.
[01:24] Oso
    Are you sure it's not necessary?
[01:27] Ichi
    Absolutely not necessary.
[01:29] Oso
    Oh... Okay.
[01:31] Ichi
    Sorry about that.
[01:33] Oso
    N-No... I got ahead of myself.
[01:36] Ichi
    Be careful with the snow and stuff.
[01:39] Oso
    Okay... Goodbye.
[01:41] Ichi
    See ya.
[01:43] Hata
    Dajo, da-dajo. Dajo, dajo.
[01:47] Hata
    Da-da-da-da-da-dajo, da—
SIGN    "Chibita and Oden"
[03:22] Chibi
    My oden's the best in Japan...
[03:25] Chibi
    The best in the world, hey, yo!
[03:29] Chibi
    Royalty... Huh?
[03:33] Chibi
    Karamatsu! Haven't seen you
    around often, you idjit.
[03:39] Chibi
    It's so chilly... It's gonna get
    busy again tonight, damn it.
[03:44] Chibi
    Well? Is it good?
[03:46] Chibi
    I see, so it is good!
[03:47] Chibi
    What? Best in the universe?
[03:51] Chibi
    You've got pretty good taste, you idjit.
[03:55] Chibi
    So? Did you find a job yet?
[03:58] Kara
    Oh, that?
[04:00] Chibi
    Huh? Did you actually...
[04:02] Kara
    In regard to work...
[04:05] Kara
    I have no plans.
[04:06] Chibi
    Why'd you build that up, you idjit?
[04:08] Chibi
    You embarrass me, man.
[04:11] Chibi
    If you don't hurry up and find one,
    you'll end up like him.
[04:15] Iyami
    That's me's chikuwabu!
[04:18] Chibi
    Karamatsu, what's important
    is what you want to do.
[04:22] Chibi
    Even if you find work, if it's
    not right for you, it won't last.
[04:25] Chibi
    I love oden, and that's why I can
    make the best in the galaxy.
[04:29] Chibi
    Tell me what you want to do.
    Just come up with whatever.
[04:35] Kara
    I want to... better myself.
[04:38] Chibi
    Well, that's easy, then.
    You're as low as you can get right now.
[04:41] Chibi
    Let's see... "Wants to better self." What else?
[04:47] Kara
    I want to... give people dreams.
[04:50] Chibi
    Right, sure. What else?
[04:54] Kara
    World peace.
[04:56] Chibi
    Gross.
[04:57] Chibi
    Let's see... World pea—
[05:02] Chibi
    Huh?
[05:03] Chibi
    What the hell? These tie
    into each other perfectly!
[05:06] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
SIGN    Wants to better self Wants to give people dreams World peace
[05:08] Chibi
    You didn't have to be so secretive, Karamatsu.
[05:10] Chibi
    I didn't know you wanted to run an oden shop!
SIGN    Wants to better self Wants to give people dreams World peace
[05:14] Kara
    Huh?
SIGN    Oden
[05:16] Chibi
    What the hell? If that's the case,
    you should have just said so.
[05:19] Chibi
    To think you wanted your own oden shop...
[05:21] Chibi
    You wanted to be my apprentice, huh, you idjit?
[05:27] Kara
    Huh? What is this?
[05:29] Kara
    This isn't good.
[05:30] Kara
    I've caused some unexpected misunderst—
[05:32] Sign
    Oden
SIGN    Hybrid Oden
[05:33] Chibi
    Don't you worry. I'll make you a pro.
[05:36] Kara
    Uh, wai—
[05:37] Chibi
    What? There's no one better to
    be a mentor than me, you say?
[05:40] Chibi
    You've got a good pair of eyes there.
[05:43] Kara
    I-It's hard to tell him now...
[05:46] Chibi
    As you know, oden has been called
    the king of the culinary world.
[05:50] Kara
    I've never heard that.
[05:52] Chibi
    Its intense deliciousness has caused many wars,
[05:55] Chibi
    and it's famous for being the
    culinary world's ultimate weapon.
[05:59] Kara
    I've never heard that.
SIGN    Oden
[06:00] Chibi
    However, the times have changed,
    and you can enjoy it much more easily now.
[06:05] Chibi
    On the other hand, if you try to pour your
    love into it, it's more difficult than you'd think.
[06:09] Chibi
    It's something that's so close, yet so far.
[06:11] Chibi
    Oden is revered as the culinary
    world's childhood friend.
[06:15] Kara
    So just what is oden actually
    called in the culinary world?
[06:19] Chibi
    Listen up, Kara-boy. Don't you dare
    take oden lightly (nametenjanee).
[06:23] Chibi
    The only thing you may lick (nameteii)
[06:24] Chibi
    is the beef tendon skewer.
SIGN    Hybrid Oden Cards Accepted
[06:32] Chibi
    All right.
[06:33] Chibi
    I'll show you the secret technique
    of preparation, you idjit.
[06:36] Kara
    Um, Chibita...
[06:38] Chibi
    Do you know what the most important
    thing is when making oden?!
[06:41] Kara
    Chibita, listen to me—
[06:43] Chibi
    That's right! Well done figuring it out.
[06:45] Chibi
    It's the broth.
[06:46] Kara
    Er, I didn't say anything...
[06:48] Chibi
    So what's the most important
    thing when making broth?
[06:51] Chibi
    That's right! Your fighting spirit!
[06:53] Kara
    Uh, that doesn't explain anything.
[06:55] Chibi
    Just watch, you idjit.
[06:57] Chibi
    You should watch and steal
    your mentor's methods.
[07:02] Chibi
    Here we go! The hell?!
[07:04] Chibi
    The hell?! The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
[07:06] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[07:10] Chibi
    Give it a try.
[07:12] Kara
    There's no way I can do that.
[07:16] Chibi
    Next... We put in the ingredients, you idjit!
[07:19] Kara
    Chibita, you've got—
[07:20] Chibi
    You know what's the most important here?
[07:22] Chibi
    That's right, guts!
[07:23] Kara
    You haven't explained anything!
[07:25] Chibi
    Here we go!
[07:27] Chibi
    Hi-yah!
[07:31] Chibi
    Give it a try.
[07:32] Kara
    "Hi-yah"? There's no way I can do that.
SIGN    Hybrid Oden
[07:34] Chibi
    Next, we've got to taste it.
[07:37] Chibi
    The tasting's hard, and the most important.
[07:40] Chibi
    It's the last thing the cook has
[07:42] Chibi
    to put his entire being into
    before serving to the customers.
[07:47] Chibi
    Which means...
[07:48] Chibi
    This is how you do it, you idjit!
[07:58] Chibi
    The hell?! The hell?!
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[08:00] Chibi
    It's delicious, damn it!
[08:08] Kara
    He's scary!
SIGN    The End
SIGN    "Jyushimatsu Falls in Love"
[08:14] Oso
    Oh... Good morning, Jyushimatsu.
[08:17] Jyu
    Morning on the 4, 6, 3...
[08:20] Jyu
    Get you!
[08:21] Oso
    You're so hyper first thing in the morning.
[08:31] Jyu
    Thanks for the meal, touch up!
[08:36] Choro
    He's so noisy first thing in the morning...
[08:37] Jyu
    1,285...
[08:39] Jyu
    1,286, 1,287!
[08:43] Jyu
    All right! I can still go!
[08:46] Ichi
    I'm gonna die...
SIGN    Matsu
[08:47] Jyu
    Here I go! Muscle, muscle!
[08:49] Jyu
    Hustle, hustle!
[08:51] Jyu
    Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
[08:54] Jyu
    I'm home, muscle!
[08:56] Jyu
    Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!
[08:59] Jyu
    Muscle, mus—
[09:09] Jyu
    Thank you, king-sized game-winning homer!
SIGN    Men's
[09:18] Oso
    This is Jyushimatsu.
[09:20] Oso
    Even if his jokes utterly fail,
    Jyushimatsu never slows down.
[09:24] Oso
    But then, one day...
[09:30] Oso
    Oh... Good morning, Jyushimatsu.
[09:32] Jyu
    Good morning, Osomatsu-niisan.
[09:45] Jyu
    Thank you for the meal.
[09:50] Ichi
    Jyushimatsu, you're not
    gonna do the thing today?
[09:53] Jyu
    Nah, I'm not gonna do that today.
[09:55] Ichi
    Seriously? But I got all ready for it...
[09:59] Jyu
    I'm heading out.
[10:01] Jyu
    I'm home.
[10:09] Jyu
    Hey, little guy.
[10:11] Jyu
    If you do that, it might disturb the
    other patrons, and it's dangerous.
[10:14] Boy
    I'm sorry.
[10:16] Oso
    Here.
[10:17] Jyu
    Thanks.
[10:26] Oso
    This is scary! What got
    into him all of a sudden?!
[10:29] Oso
    What's wrong with Jyushimatsu?
[10:30] Ichi
    He's turned into a normal human being...
[10:32] Choro
    He's always been human... sort of.
[10:34] Todo
    Where's he going during the day lately?
[10:37] Todo
    He hasn't been playing baseball, has he?
[10:39] Kara
    True... He's been acting strange.
[10:41] Kara
    Could it be a part-time job?
[10:42] Todo
    Nah...
[10:43] Kara
    Or maybe pachinko?
[10:44] Kara
    Oh!
[10:46] Kara
    Maybe he's not playing baseball...
    but watching baseball.
[10:50] Kara
    Bingo?
[10:51] Kara
    You sure are talking a lot today, Shittymatsu.
[11:05] All
    What?!
[11:11] Jyu
    I'm heading out.
[11:19] Ichi
    It's a date. He's gotta be going on a date today.
[11:22] Choro
    More importantly, what are we doing?
[11:25] Oso
    This is our mission as his brothers.
[11:27] Oso
    Our Jyushimatsu has fallen in love.
[11:30] Oso
    As his older brothers, we've gotta cheer him on!
[11:32] Choro
    You're totally planning on interfering!
[11:34] Choro
    Let's just go home!
[11:35] Todo
    So, Shittymatsu-niisan, why are
    you trying to look cool again?
[11:39] Kara
    I'm just being normal.
[11:40] Todo
    You're not being normal.
    Show us what you're wearing.
[11:43] Todo
    Where did you buy those? Why would you
    wear those when you're not on a date?
[11:46] Todo
    You're so embarrassing!
[11:49] Oso
    Hey, Ichimatsu...
[11:50] Ichi
    Huh?
[11:51] Oso
    Could you use ESP Kitty?
[11:53] Ichi
    Nope, not happening.
    That drug wore off ages ago.
[11:56] Oso
    No good, huh...
[11:59] Oso
    Someone's here! Is that her?
[12:02] Choro
    I'm kinda getting nervous, too.
[12:05] Todo
    Uh, you have nothing to do with this.
[12:07] Oso
    Wow... She actually looks
    pretty cute in real life, too.
[12:12] Todo
    Ichimatsu-niisan?! Calm down!
[12:15] Oso
    I-It's finally happening.
[12:17] Choro
    I wonder if he'll be okay...
[12:18] Todo
    I hope Jyushimatsu-niisan
    doesn't do anything weird.
[12:34] Oso
    What?! What the hell is he doing?!
[12:37] Choro
    He just did what he does
    at home in front of a girl!
[12:40] Todo
    Not to mention, it's a new gag!
    The risk is too high!
[12:48] Oso
    Sh-She laughed...
[12:55] Oso
    She's cracking up...
[12:58] Girl
    Please stop, Jyushimatsu-kun...
[13:02] Girl
    Don't... P-Please stop...
[13:05] Girl
    P-Please stop...
[13:13] Oso
    What the hell is with her?!
[13:15] Choro
    Well, she is the one who fell for Jyushimatsu...
[13:18] Todo
    Yeah, she's weird.
[13:37] Choro
    Uh, just how much does she like that gag?
[13:41] Girl
    Green light...
[13:42] Girl
    Red light.
[13:45] Girl
    Green light, red light.
[13:47] Girl
    Green light... red light.
[13:48] Choro
    They look like they're having fun.
[13:50] Todo
    Yeah, they look like normal,
    happy people... though a bit dirty.
[13:55] Ichi
    Hey, let's go home.
[13:57] Todo
    Yeah. We can't get in their way.
[13:59] Choro
    Huh? Where did Osomatsu-niisan go?
[14:03] Oso
    Man... Talk about boring.
[14:05] Oso
    I would be a lot more fun on a date!
[14:08] Oso
    I can make water come out my nipples.
[14:11] Oso
    Well, whatever. I've got
    plenty of girlfriends anyway.
SIGN    Two Hours Later
[14:22] Oso
    Damn it, I can't make up my mind.
[14:25] Oso
    Which girlfriend should I go with today?
[14:29] Oso
    Wait... Isn't this girl...
[14:34] Jyu
    I give! I give! I give! I give! I give!
[14:37] Jyu
    Wait, why aren't you stopping?!
[14:39] Jyu
    I said I give! I give up!
[14:42] Choro
    Oh, welcome back. Where'd you go?
[14:45] Oso
    Huh? Oh... You know.
[14:47] Todo
    Listen to this.
[14:49] Todo
    Jyushimatsu-niisan's planning on asking
    that girl out the next time he sees her.
[14:55] Jyu
    No!
[14:58] Todo
    Osomatsu-niisan?
[15:03] Oso
    Jyushimatsu, I have something I need to tell you.
[15:11] Oso
    You bastard!
[15:13] Oso
    How dare you try to get a girlfriend before me?!
[15:21] Jyu
    I give! I give! I give! I give! I give!
[16:48] Chibi
    The hell?! You've got some nerve,
    trying to get a girlfriend, damn it.
[16:52] Todo
    Aw, man. I totally thought it'd work out.
[16:56] Chibi
    No way. He didn't have a chance.
[16:57] Todo
    Why's that?
[16:58] Chibi
    Because you're all NEETs.
[17:01] Todo
    Good point.
[17:04] Oso
    Well, to be honest, she was
    just out of mustard leaves.
[17:07] Choro
    You mean she was "out of reach."
    Mustard leaves are food.
[17:10] Kara
    That's why you should have worn these...
[17:12] Oso
    Hot!
[17:13] Choro
    Ow!
[17:16] Chibi
    What the hell are you doing, you idjits?!
[17:18] Oso
    Why me?!
[17:21] Oso
    Why, you...
[17:22] Choro
    Why me?!
[17:22] Todo
    Karamatsu-niisan?!
[17:23] Ichi
    Die.
[17:23] Kara
    You called?
[17:57] Todo
    Would it be okay if we asked about her?
[18:02] Jyu
    About a month ago,
[18:05] Jyu
    she was trying to kill herself...
[18:16] Jyu
    Muscle, muscle!
[18:17] Jyu
    Hustle, hustle!
[18:19] Jyu
    Muscle, muscle!
[18:21] Jyu
    Hustle, hustle!
[18:24] Jyu
    One, two, three, four!
[18:29] Jyu
    6,017! 6,018!
[18:32] Jyu
    6,019! 6,020!
[18:52] Girl
    Wake up...
[18:53] Girl
    Please, wake up...
[19:14] Jyu
    And so I saved her life.
[19:17] Choro
    You've got that backwards, right?
    She saved you, right?
[19:21] Jyu
    She laughed a lot at that. She said
    I was funny, and that she loved me.
[19:29] Jyu
    But... She said we can't
    see each other anymore.
[19:37] Jyu
    She said she's going back to her
    family's home on tonight's bullet train.
[19:45] Oso
    Why don't you go see her?
    You can still make it.
[19:49] Jyu
    But she rejected m—
[19:50] Oso
    It'll be fine! After all...
[19:54] Oso
    It's pretty troublesome meeting someone
    on the day you're gonna move.
[20:06] Oso
    Don't.
[20:08] Oso
    I...
[20:09] Oso
    don't have any money today.
[20:10] Chibi
    Huh?
[20:33] Girl
    Jyushimatsu-kun...
[20:36] Girl
    I...
[20:38] Jyu
    We'll...
[20:40] Jyu
    see each other again! Muscle, muscle!
[20:42] Jyu
    Hustle, hustle! Muscle, muscle!
[20:57] Jyu
    Don't cry! 4, 6, 3...
[20:59] Jyu
    Get you!
[21:43] Jyu
    Thank you, king-sized,
    game-winning home run!
SIGN    Next Time on Osomatsu-san
[23:35] Choro
    Hello, this is Choromatsu.
[23:37] Choro
    They say that renting anything over
    buying it is more efficient and affordable.
[23:41] Choro
    I completely agree.
[23:42] Choro
    And so, on the next "Osomatsu-san," it'll be
SIGN    "Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend"
[23:44] Choro
    "Iyami and Chibita's Rental Girlfriend."
[23:46] Choro
    I'm not saying that just because
    I can't get a girlfriend.
[23:48] Choro
    No, really!