E1 - Mr. Osomatsu Returns
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN Mr. Osomatsu Returns
[00:05] Nar
Mr. Osomatsu returns!
[00:10] Osomatsu**
It's an emergency!
[00:13] Osomatsu
It's an emergency, I tell you!
[00:14] Osomatsu
Karamatsu!
[00:15] Karamatsu
Huh?
[00:16] Osomatsu
Choromatsu!
[00:16] Choromatsu
Hm?
[00:17] Osomatsu
Ichimatsu!
[00:18] Ichimatsu
Huh?
[00:18] Osomatsu
Jyushimatsu!
[00:20] Jyushimatsu
Huh?
[00:20] Osomatsu
Todomatsu!
[00:21] Todomatsu
Hm?
[00:22] Five
What's the matter, Osomatsu-niisan?
[00:25] Osomatsu
It's an emergency!
[00:26] Osomatsu
Our anime that ended in March last year
[00:30] Osomatsu
is starting up again today!
[00:31] Five
What?!
[00:33] Karamatsu
Is that really true, Osomatsu-niisan?!
[00:35] Osomatsu
It is! Actually, it's already started!
[00:37] All
Huh?
[00:40] Karamatsu
He's right! We're on TV again!
[00:44] Todomatsu
It's a miracle!
[00:45] Four
Yay!
[00:47] Choromatsu
I'm worried...
[00:48] Osomatsu
What's the matter, Choromatsu?
[00:50] Choromatsu
Well, our anime aired two years ago.
[00:54] Choromatsu
I wonder if anyone even remembers us now.
[00:56] Choromatsu
Did people actually wait for us?
[00:59] Osomatsu
It'll be fine!
[01:00] Four
Don't worry about it!
[01:02] Osomatsu
If you're that worried, want to use this TV
to see what our future selves are like?
[01:07] Choromatsu
What? We can actually do that?
[01:09] Jyushimatsu
Yeah! I wanna see!
[01:10] Todomatsu
I can't wait to see what
we're like as adults!
[01:13] Karamatsu
It's so exciting!
[01:14] Osomatsu
All right, guys, group up!
[01:17] Osomatsu
All right, here we go. You guys ready?
[01:19] All
Yeah!
[01:20] Osomatsu
There! Our anime returns!
[01:24] All
Returns!
[01:29] Nar
Mr. Osomatsu, the TV anime.*
[01:32] Nar*
It temporarily finished
broadcasting in March, 2016,
[01:35] Nar
having created a slight buzz
and become slightly popular.
[01:39] Nar
Now, a year and six months have passed.
[01:43] Chibita
The hell... It's been so long.
[01:46] Chibita
What've you been up to?
[01:49] Iyami
What else?
[01:51] Iyami
Me was vacationing in France.
[01:55] Chibita
Huh... I see.
[01:57] Iyami
Me is not a commoner like you.
[01:59] Chibita
Really.
[02:00] Iyami
You don't believe me, do you?!
[02:02] Iyami
Here's the proof! Look, Trump Tower.
[02:05] Chibita
That's not even France!
[02:07] Chibita
Come to think of it, what are those idiots up to?
Why don't we stop by their place?
[02:12] Iyami
Knowing those idiots,
me is sure nothing has changed.
SIGN Matsuno Monthly Parking
[02:16] Iyami
They're probably just lazing around with
nothing to do and living meaningless lives—
[02:20] Iyami
What?
[02:22] Chibita
What?! What is this?!
[02:25] Chibita
Is their house a lot bigger than it used to be?
[02:28] Chibita
Has it been completely remodeled?!
[02:29] Iyami
Seriously?!
[02:30] Chibita
Look! Their front door has
an automatic lock on it!
SIGN Matsu
[02:33] Iyami
Sheeeh!
[02:34] Chibita
Their house is solar-powered, you idjit!
[02:36] Iyami
Sheeeh!
SIGN Please Use Freely
[02:37] Chibita
They even have Wi-fi!
[02:38] Iyami
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sheeeh...
[02:40] Chibita
Wh-What's going on with these changes?
[02:42] Chibita
When the hell did they
become this rich, you idjit?!
[02:45] Iyami
Chibita, this must be it!
SIGN 66 Hour TV
[02:48] Chibita
Huh? Wha...?
SIGN Talk Show
SIGN Special Guests: Matsuyo, Matuzou
[02:50] Chibita
What the heck's going on?!
[02:51] Iyami
Look over there, too!
[02:54] Chibita
Could those people be their fans?
Are they here to see them?
[02:57] Chibita
The heck's going on?
What in the world happened?
[03:00] Chibita
This almost makes it seem like
they're actually popular!
[03:03] Chibita
What the hell's going on in this world?!
[03:05] Chibita
Get a grip, world! Seriously, what the hell?!
[03:08] Chibita
You idjits! Damn it!
[03:09] Iyami
Wake up! We're talking about NEETs here!
[03:12] Chibita
They're virgins!
[03:13] Iyami
They're scum!
[03:13] Chibita
Trash!
[03:14] Iyami
Filth!
[03:14] Chibita
Shi—
[03:19] Chibita
I-It's no use... Their eyes
are completely soulless.
[03:23] ---
Sheeeh...
[03:24] Old
What've we got here?
[03:26] Old
What, you guys wanna go see them
honorable Matsuno sextuplets?
[03:30] Iyami
H-Honorable sextuplets?!
[03:32] Old
Them honorable sextuplets
got their one hit.
[03:35] Old
Because they got their one hit,
they were granted half-assed wealth and fame.
[03:40] Old
Because of that, they're living the good
life in an awfully half-assed way.
[03:43] Old
Wanna go see them?
[03:55] Old
Hey, whatcha doin'? Hurry it up.
[03:59] Old
The honorable sextuplets are in
the middle of their meet and greet.
[04:02] Old
Make sure you don't get in their way.
[04:03] Iyami
Meet and greet?
[04:07] Old
Well, see ya.
[04:12] Chibita
H-Hey, Osomatsu? Karamatsu?
[04:15] Chibita
You here? Hey!
[04:18] Iyami
Th-That's...
[04:19] Chibita
Huh? The hell is that?!
[04:33] Osomatsu
Hi. Here ya go.
[04:35] Osomatsu
Yup. There.
SIGN 1 Handshake 200 yen
[04:37] Both
Sheeeh!
[04:43] Karamatsu
Yeah.
[04:44] Karamatsu
There ya go. Yeah.
SIGN 1 Handshake 200 yen
[04:51] Choromatsu
Yes, I see.
[04:52] Choromatsu
Yes, indeed. Yup.
SIGN 1 Handshake 200 yen
[05:01] ---
Keep your filthy hands away.
SIGN 1 Handshake 200 yen
[05:07] Jyushimatsu
Yarp.
[05:10] Jyushimatsu
Hi. Thanks.
[05:12] Jyushimatsu
Hi.
SIGN 1 Handshake 200 yen
[05:17] Totty
I'm Totty!
[05:19] Totty
Aren't I cute?
SIGN 1 Handshake 200 yen
[05:23] Chibita
They're so gross...
[05:25] Iyami
Sheeeh...
[05:27] Osomatsu
Hey, guys!
[05:32] Osomatsu
It's been a while.
You should've told us you were coming.
[05:35] Osomatsu
We got, like, our one hit.
I don't really get it, but we got super rich.
[05:42] Osomatsu
So working is pretty much
out of the question.
[05:45] Osomatsu
We're living the high life.
It's so much fun being alive.
[05:50] Choromatsu
Yeah, like, sorry and stuff.
We got super rich and became popular.
[05:55] Choromatsu
It's so much fun being alive right now.
[05:57] Karamatsu
Hey, here's Karamatsu-sama's
new single. Take it.
SIGN Jyushimatsu's Nummy Nums Gourmet
[06:04] Jyushimatsu
Here. This is a cookbook I released.
[06:06] Jyushimatsu
Want an autograph?
[06:08] Totty
Ugh, this is so exhausting.
[06:10] Totty
We have money, we're popular.
It's exhausting to even breathe.
[06:18] Osomatsu
Oh, yeah. Why don't we order
some sushi for them?
[06:22] Choro
Sushi? Sounds good. Yeah, it'll be our treat.
[06:24] Totty
Here. Which set should we get?
[06:26] Osomatsu
Well, the Matsu set, of course.
[06:30] Osomatsu
We are Matsus, after all.
[06:36] Choromatsu
B-Because we're Matsus!
[06:38] Totty
The sushi set is called Matsu
and we're Matsus, too!
[06:41] Karamatsu
That's too funny!
[06:42] Jyushimatsu
Your jokes are so funny!
[06:43] Ichimatsu
No wonder we hit it big.
No wonder we're popular.
[06:50] Mom
What? Of course that won't do.
SIGN Collaboration Proposal Room
[06:53] Mom
There's no way our adorable sextuplets
would do something so vulgar.
[06:58] Dad
They're national stars now.
What if that'll make people hate them?
SIGN Proposal
[07:02] Mom
No dirty jokes!
[07:02] Dad
No being vulgar!
[07:03] Mom
Nothing grotesque!
[07:04] Dad
No more parodies!
SIGN King General
[07:05] Mom
Cuteness prevails!
[07:07] Dad
Cuteness prevails!
SIGN Matsu
[07:08] Mom
My little sextuplets!
[07:09] Dad
Our cute little sextuplets!
SIGN Merchandise Production Room
[07:15] Totoko
Okay! We've made some new merchandise
for the little sextuplets!
[07:20] Totoko
First... Ta-da!
[07:23] Totoko
An Osomatsu-kun keyholder for 5,000 yen!
[07:25] Hatabou
It's cute, jo.
[07:27] Totoko
Next... Ta-da!
SIGN Karamatsu
[07:29] Totoko
A Karamatsu-kun sweatshirt for 10,000 yen!
[07:32] Hatabou
Very well-made, jo.
[07:34] Totoko
Ta-da! A Choromatsu-kun
plushie for 30,000 yen!
[07:38] Hatabou
I totally want it, jo.
[07:40] Totoko
Ta-da! An Ichimatsu-kun
figure set for 100,000 yen!
[07:43] Hatabou
It'll be sold at a premium, jo.
[07:45] Buyer 1
P-Pardon me.
[07:47] Buyer 1
Er, uh... I have to wonder
about the quality...
[07:52] Totoko
Tch. Quality?
[07:55] Totoko
Who the hell cares about quality?!
If we put this crap out, it sells!
[07:59] Totoko
Just put this crap out and sell it!
[08:01] Totoko
We're just here to make a buck!
Ain't nothin' better!
SIGN Money
[08:05] Totoko
I'm filthy rich because of those sextuplets!
[08:07] Hatabou
Cash cows, jo.
[08:12] Iyami
Sheeeh!
[08:12] Chibita
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
SIGN A Dingy Cabaret
SIGN Sake
[08:15] Dekapan
We'll let you all in on a little secret.
[08:19] Dekapan
Believe it or not, we're the ones who
made that anime about those sextuplets.
[08:24] Dayon
That was our achievement!
[08:29] Dekapan
Do you want to meet the sextuplets?
[08:31] Dayon
Well?
[08:40] Osomatsu
Bring me more sake!
[08:48] Jyushimatsu
Tastes great.
[08:52] Totty
You're cute!
[08:54] Totty
Oh, uggos can leave. Seriously.
SIGN Choromatsu's Animation School
SIGN Special Instructor
SIGN Choromatsu-sensei has arrived!!
[09:02] Choromatsu
Everyone, pay attention to me!
SIGN The importance of bishojo in anime -What is "moe"? -The possibility of cowlicks Glasses-chans are... Younger...
SIGN I'm late, I'm late!
[09:04] Choromatsu
So with proper anime...
the popular characters... Do you understand?
[09:11] Ichimatsu
I'll think positively with
peaceful love vibes, man...
[09:30] Osomatsu
Man, we totally took over the whole country.
[09:33] Five
Right?
[09:34] Osomatsu
No one complains anymore.
[09:36] Five
Right?
[09:37] Osomatsu
Now our future is...
[09:39] Osomatsu
secure!
[09:41] Five
Secure!
[09:42] Osomatsu
It's secure!
[09:44] Five
Secure!
[09:45] Six
This is how it should be!
[09:51] Mob
The hell it is!
SIGN Don't forgive those sextuplets!
SIGN Die!
SIGN Death to vulgar anime!
[09:53] Mob 2
Who do you NEET virgins think you are?!
SIGN KILL
SIGN Divine punishment
[09:56] Mob 3
Osomatsu-san, my ass!
SIGN Vulgarity
[09:58] Mob
Stop getting carried away!
[10:00] Mob 2
Who do you think you are?!
[10:01] Karamatsu
Hot! Hot!
[10:01] Mob 3
Divine punishment!
[10:04] Mob 4
How about you die?
[10:13] Chibita
Well, yeah... We saw that coming.
[10:16] Chibita
Aw, man... It's all over, you idjits.
[10:19] Iyami
Over.
[10:26] Osomatsu
Huh?
[10:28] Karamatsu
Wha...?
[10:29] Todomatsu
What was that?
[10:30] Choromatsu
That's what our future's
supposed to be like?
[10:33] Jyushimatsu
We were all scum.
[10:35] Ichimatsu
Yeah, there was only trash.
[10:39] Six
What?!
[10:41] Choromatsu
What was that?! Is that how we're
going to end up in the future?!
[10:44] Jyushimatsu
No!
[10:45] Jyushimatsu
Anime over! It's over!
[10:47] Todomatsu
We totally shouldn't do it anymore!
[10:49] Five
Someone save us!
[10:50] Osomatsu
C-Calm down, guys!
[10:52] Five
Huh?
[10:53] Osomatsu
We still have time!
[10:54] Osomatsu
If we start working hard now,
[10:56] Osomatsu
we can become a great anime
that's loved by everyone!
[11:00] Ichimatsu
Really, Osomatsu-niisan?
[11:02] Osomatsu
Yeah, let's do our best.
[11:03] Osomatsu
We're going to be reborn! Starting now!
[11:05] Five
Got it!
[11:08] Nar
And so the sextuplets decided to
work hard and have a proper future.
[11:14] Osomatsu
Let's do this properly...
[11:15] Choromatsu
Properly.
[11:17] Ichimatsu
We'll do this right.
[11:18] Jyushimatsu
We'll work hard...
[11:20] Jyushimatsu
...and change...
[11:21] Karamatsu
...into a great anime...
[11:23] Todomatsu
...so that everyone will love us.
[11:25] Nar
Then ten-odd years passed,
and in the end...
[11:57] Wife
Oh, good morning, darling.
[11:59] Daughter
Morning, Daddy!
[12:01] Osomatsu
Good morning.
[12:03] Wife
Oh, goodness.
You're spilling food everywhere.
[12:14] Osomatsu
All right, I'll be off.
[12:16] Wife
Osomatsu?
[12:20] Wife
Have a good day.
[12:21] Osomatsu
I will.
[12:27] Daughter
Bye-bye, Daddy!
[12:31] Osomatsu
I became... proper.
[12:34] Osomatsu
Ever since then, I've worked properly
and properly became great.
[12:37] Junior
Chief Matsuno! Good morning!
[12:40] Osomatsu
See? I'm doing this properly.
[12:43] Osomatsu
Look. Properly.
[12:46] Osomatsu
Yup.
[12:47] Osomatsu
I'm doing it properly.
[12:51] Osomatsu
I'm so proper.
[12:53] Osomatsu
I'm doing it properly. This is amazing.
[12:57] Bg
You can do it!
[12:58] Osomatsu
I'm doing this properly!
[13:00] Osomatsu
Go, me!
[13:05] Osomatsu
And today, after so long,
I'm finally reuniting with the other guys.
[13:11] Osomatsu
I'm sure that they've become
even more proper than I have.
[13:15] Karamatsu
Yo, Osomatsu.
[13:17] Osomatsu
You're... Karamatsu!
[13:21] Karamatsu
It's been a while, Osomatsu.
[13:23] Osomatsu
Wow, that's amazing! You grew up properly!
[13:27] Karamatsu
Well, this isn't all.
[13:29] Osomatsu
Huh?
[13:32] Osomatsu
Wh-Who are those guys?
[13:37] Osomatsu
What?!
[13:59] Karamatsu
Mission complete.
[14:01] Osomatsu
You're doing it properly!
You're sci-fi now, Karamatsu?
[14:05] Osomatsu
So you went that direction!
[14:06] Osomatsu
Man, you've grown up so much!
[14:08] Karamatsu
Well, I worked hard.
[14:10] Osomatsu
I see! You're doing it properly!
[14:12] Totoko
Osomatsu-niisan! Karamatsu-niisan!
[14:14] Choro
It's been a while.
[14:16] Osomatsu
Choromatsu! Totoko-chan!
[14:19] Karamatsu
Oh, so you guys also properly...
[14:22] Choro (totoko)
Have you been well, Osomatsu-kun?
[14:24] Osomatsu
Huh?
[14:24] Totoko (choromatsu)
How have you been, Karamatsu-niisan?
[14:26] Karamatsu
Huh?
[14:28] Karamatsu
C-Could it be that you two...
[14:30] Totoko
That's right. My body and Totoko-chan's
have been switched.
[14:35] Both
They're doing it properly!
[14:37] Osomatsu
Boys and girls switching bodies?
You guys are doing it so properly!
[14:41] Karamatsu
That'll be a hit! It'll be so popular!
[14:44] Karamatsu
How'd you even switch bodies?
[14:46] Totoko
We worked hard.
[14:47] Karamatsu
Well done!
[14:48] Choromatsu
We worked real hard.
[14:49] Karamatsu
I see! That's great!
[14:50] Ichimatsu
Guys!
[14:52] Four
Ichimatsu?!
[14:56] Ichimatsu
Guys, I'm going on a quest
to find the mysterious temple
[15:01] Ichimatsu
called Under the Pulse
that's said to be under the sea.
[15:04] Ichimatsu
But none of the adults in Heaven believe me.
That's why I'm going to find it.
[15:09] Ichimatsu
With my sword and my undying passion,
[15:11] Ichimatsu
I'll put an end to this battle of the gods!
[15:14] Choro and totoko
He's doing it properly!
[15:16] Choromatsu
An adventure fantasy!
There's no doubt about it!
[15:18] Choromatsu
That's a hit in every generation!
[15:20] Totoko
You've grown up so much!
[15:22] Ichimatsu
Well, I worked hard.
[15:23] Totoko
I see.
[15:24] Jyushimatsu
Hey, guys!
[15:27] Five
Jyushimatsu!
[15:44] Ichimatsu
He's doing it properly!
[15:46] Ichimatsu
You went 3D? That's so great!
[15:50] Jyushimatsu
I worked hard!
[15:51] Ichimatsu
I see.
[15:53] Todomatsu
Hey, hey!
[15:54] Six
Todomatsu!
[15:58] Jyushimatsu
He's doing it properly!
[16:01] Totty
I'm Totty.
[16:02] Totty
Sorry to keep you all waiting!
[16:04] Jyushimatsu
Live action, huh?
So that's the final form...
[16:07] Karamatsu
We've developed in so many ways.
[16:09] Osomatsu
You're all amazing!
I almost didn't recognize you!
[16:12] Osomatsu
We're all doing this properly!
[16:19] Bg
We're doing it properly!
[16:21] ---
We're proper, all right!
[16:24] Iyami
Sheeeh! It's not over yet!
[16:28] Osomatsu
That's...
[16:33] Iyami
I'll be the one to rule over this world!
[16:36] Chibita
Everyone who resists will be killed, you idjits.
[16:42] Jyushimatsu
There you are, proper enemy!
[16:44] Osomatsu
All right, let's defeat him!
[16:46] Five
Yeah!
[16:47] Six
Let's go!
[16:56] Osomatsu
Take off properly!
[16:58] Five
Take off properly!
[17:00] Osomatsu
A proper mecha!
[17:02] Five
A proper mecha!
[17:04] Song
We still can't get enough
[17:07] Song
Of dreams, love, and desires
[17:09] Song
It's not just all about justice and courage
[17:13] Osomatsu
Transform properly!
[17:15] Five
Transform properly!
[17:15] ---
The established regularity
of the world will sustain us
[17:18] Osomatsu
Combine properly!
[17:21] Five
Combine properly!
[17:21] ---
Unleash the proper power of the future
[17:32] ---
Properly combine
[17:35] Osomatsu
A proper ultimate attack!
[17:35] ---
Properly, yeah, yeah
[17:37] ---
We'll change everything
ourselves if we have to
[17:37] Five
A proper ultimate attack!
[17:41] Chibita
The hell?! You idjits! Damn it!
[17:43] ---
We're going to get our hands on a proper future
[17:49] Iyami
Sheeeh!
[17:49] ---
With our proper lives
[17:51] Osomatsu
We're having a proper momentary crisis!
[17:54] Five
We're having a proper momentary crisis!
[17:56] Iyami
Sheeeh!
[18:02] Osomatsu
But... we'll defeat him properly!
[18:03] ---
Properly transform
[18:04] Five
We'll defeat him properly!
[18:05] ---
Properly run
[18:07] ---
So we can take hold of our proper future
[18:08] Iyami
Sh-Sheeeh!
[18:23] Osomatsu
And then...
[18:25] Osomatsu
We linger properly.
[18:28] Five
We linger properly.
[18:34] Osomatsu
We're so great!
[18:37] Five
We're so great!
[18:40] Osomatsu
We're perfect!
[18:42] Five
We're perfect!
[19:02] Nar
And so the sextuplets
successfully became proper,
[19:06] Nar
and were reborn into a proper,
wonderful anime.
SIGN To Be Continued
[19:11] Nar
Please look forward to
next week's episode, too.
[19:25] Osomatsu
All right! Let's continue to work hard!
[19:27] Osomatsu
That way, our future will be...
[19:29] Osomatsu
secure!
[19:31] Five
Secure!
[19:32] Osomatsu
Secure!
[19:34] Five
Secure!
[19:35] Osomatsu
This is how...
[19:36] All
...it should be!
SIGN Kill the Matsu!
[19:38] Guy
The hell you're being proper,
you shitty anime!
[19:41] Mob
You're wrong!
[19:42] Mob
What do you mean, "proper"?!
[19:44] Mob
Get a grip, you pieces of trash!
[19:46] Nar
And so the sextuplets were
shit if they got big heads...
[19:49] Nar
and they were shit even if
they did things properly.
[19:52] Nar
They wandered into a labyrinth
with absolutely no exit.
[19:56] Nar
And then...
[19:58] Nar
they became adults
[20:00] Nar
without ever figuring out what they
should do, or where they should go.
[20:08] Todomatsu
No, no, no...
[20:09] Jyushimatsu
No, no, no...
[20:10] Ichimatsu
No, no, no, no, no...
[20:11] Choromatsu
No, no, no...
[20:12] Karamatsu
No, no, no...
[20:13] Osomatsu
No, no, no, no...
[20:19] Choromatsu
No, seriously! What are we supposed to do?!
[20:21] Choromatsu
We didn't change at all in the end!
[20:23] Choromatsu
There's an episode next week, too!
[20:25] Osomatsu
Well, um, you know...
[20:29] Osomatsu
We basically don't have a future.
[20:34] Nar
After this and that,
[20:37] Nar
their story is about to begin once again.
SIGN End
SIGN Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN "Super Detergent" etc.
[23:44] Osomatsu
Heya! We should at least do the
next episode preview properly.
[23:46] Osomatsu
Here's the first one for next week!
It's finally g—
SIGN Please Watch Again!!
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