E20 - Tidbits Collection 2

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Ann
    And now, what you've all been waiting for!
[00:07] Ann
    I wonder what's going to happen tonight.
[00:09] Ann
    The TV anime, Mr. Osomatsu!
[00:13] Iya
    Good evening, everyone!
[00:15] Crowd
    Good evening!
[00:17] Iya
    It's time for the anime, Mr. Osomatsu!
[00:21] All
    Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh!
[00:23] All
    Sheeeh!
[00:27] Iya
    You're all on point tonight.
[00:31] Iya
    Now, here's tonight's guest: Dayon-san.
[00:35] Dayon
    I'm looking forward to it.
[00:36] ---
    Thanks for being here.
[00:38] Iya
    All right, let's get things going! Roll the clip!
[00:43] All
    Sheeeh!
SIGN    "Matsu Buns"
[02:18] Chibi
    Meat buns! They're hot and delicious!
SIGN    Hybrid
    
    Meat Buns
    
    Cards Accepted
[02:22] Chibi
    Try one!
[02:24] Chibi
    Oden's great, but you need to
    have meat buns once in a while.
[02:27] Chibi
    But they're no ordinary meat buns...
[02:30] Chibi
    I heard they sell, so I did
    a little collaboration.
[02:36] Chibi
    Ta-da! Sextuplet buns!
[02:41] Chibi
    What? No one's interested?
[02:45] Chibi
    The heck? This isn't what I heard.
[02:49] Chibi
    Guess they're not as popular anymore, idjits.
[02:53] Chibi
    Nah, it's too early to give up.
    You've gotta take a look inside.
[02:59] Chibi
    First, there's Oso-bun. Ta-da!
[03:04] Chibi
    It's filled with beer.
    It tastes super weird.
[03:07] Chibi
    Ichi-bun! Ta-da!
[03:11] Chibi
    It's filled with poison.
    If you eat it, you'll die instantly.
[03:14] Chibi
    Jyushi-bun! Ta-da!
[03:17] Chibi
    The universe. Eat it,
    and you'll be baked instantly.
[03:20] Chibi
    Kara-bun! Ta-da!
[03:23] Chibi
    There's nothing inside.
[03:25] Chibi
    Todo-bun! Ta-da!
[03:27] Chibi
    It's also empty!
[03:28] Chibi
    Choro!
[03:29] Chibi
    Nothing!
[03:35] Chibi
    Who in the hell...
[03:37] Chibi
    is going to buy meat buns
    like these, you idjits?!
SIGN    End
[03:39] Chibi
    You shitty NEETs!
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Tax Return"
[03:57] Jyu
    What are you doing, Choromatsu-niisan?
[04:00] Choro
    I'm filing my taxes.
[04:02] Jyu
    Huh?
[04:09] Jyu
    What'cha doin'?
[04:11] Choro
    I told you, I'm filing my taxes.
SIGN    All You Need to Do Your Taxes
[04:13] Jyu
    You're filing your taxes?
[04:15] Choro
    You have to do them around
    this time of year.
[04:17] Choro
    We're unemployed NEETs,
    so we have to at least file our taxes.
[04:21] Choro
    It's embarrassing if you don't.
[04:24] Jyu
    Filing your taxes...
[04:26] Jyu
    What does that mean again?
[04:27] Choro
    You don't know?!
[04:29] Jyu
    Yeah, I think I should know what it is,
    but I'm getting confused.
[04:33] Choro
    Honestly, you're so helpless.
[04:34] Choro
    When you file your taxes,
    you do something taxing, then file it.
[04:38] Jyu
    Huh?
[04:39] Choro
    First, you do something taxing,
    and then you file it.
[04:44] Jyu
    Huh?
[04:44] Choro
    I looked into it.
    There's a white form, a blue form,
SIGN    Heisei Year 29 Green Form
[04:50] Choro
    and, in my case, I use this green form.
[04:53] Choro
    Man, things just don't seem
    to be adding up, though.
[04:56] Choro
    I just want to hurry up and file this.
[04:58] Choro
    We're adults now,
    so we have to do these properly.
[05:01] Choro
    I mean, we don't have jobs,
    so we should at least do this.
[05:05] Choro
    I'm so responsible. So great.
[05:07] Choro
    All right, I'm gonna go ahead
    and get these taxes filed.
[05:11] Choro
    I'm so responsible! So proper!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Karapino"
[05:21] Guy
    Karapino.
[05:23] Guy
    Once upon a time, at a certain toy store,
    there was a boy doll named Karapino.
SIGN    Toy Store
[05:30] Guy
    Karapino was very proud of his nose,
    and he had a very unique feature.
SIGN    Toy Store
[05:38] Guy
    And that was...
[05:40] Girl
    Oh, a doll.
[05:42] Girl
    How cute!
[05:50] Guy
    Whenever Karapino got too excited,
    his branch down below would grow.
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Wallet"
[06:03] Oso
    What the...?
[06:05] Oso
    My wallet's missing!
[06:06] Oso
    It's gone! The wallet I put right here is gone!
[06:09] Todo
    What? I haven't seen it.
[06:11] Oso
    I had 30,000 in there from
    winning at pachinko yesterday!
[06:15] All
    What?!
[06:17] Ichi
    30,000?!
[06:18] Jyu
    That much?
[06:22] Oso
    One of you took it, didn't you?
[06:23] All
    Huh?
[06:24] Oso
    You took my wallet, didn't you?!
[06:26] Oso
    Who was it? Fess up!
[06:27] Choro
    Wait, calm down. No one took it.
[06:30] Oso
    Yes, you did!
[06:31] Choro
    We didn't.
[06:32] Oso
    You did!
[06:32] Choro
    And I'm telling you, we didn't.
[06:34] Oso
    You liar! I mean, if I found a wallet with
    30,000 in it, I'd definitely take it!
[06:40] Choro
    Don't compare us to you, you dumbass!
[06:43] Oso
    That's enough. Just be
    honest and come forward.
[06:46] Oso
    I won't get mad.
[06:47] Oso
    Who took it?
[06:56] Oso
    Is that your ploy?
[06:59] Oso
    So you're all going to play dumb,
    and split the money later.
[07:03] Oso
    That's so cruel!
    I'm so disappointed in you guys!
[07:05] Oso
    If I'd taken it, I'd honestly say I did it!
[07:09] Oso
    You guys suck!
[07:11] Oso
    You guys aren't my brothers anymore!
[07:13] Oso
    Are you listening, you heartless
    bastards?! You scum!
[07:15] Oso
    This is exactly why no one gives you
    Valentine's chocolates! You idiots!
[07:18] Oso
    Morons! Die, you morons!
[07:21] Oso
    Morons!
[07:22] Kara
    Osomatsu!
[07:23] Oso
    What?!
[07:24] Kara
    Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
[07:26] Oso
    What?!
[07:26] Kara
    It's in your back pocket.
[07:28] Oso
    Huh?!
[07:29] Kara
    It's in your back pocket...
[07:31] Oso
    Wha?
[07:36] Oso
    I had it all along!
[07:38] Oso
    And I said terrible things
    to those innocent bastards!
[07:42] Oso
    Oh, shit...
[07:43] Kara
    The hell are you doing?!
[07:45] Oso
    Well, if the tables were turned,
    I'd totally take the wallet!
[07:49] Oso
    I totally thought you guys took it!
[07:51] Kara
    Osomatsu, we're not like you.
[07:53] Oso
    You say that so calmly, but...
[07:56] Todo
    Osomatsu-niisan.
[07:58] Todo
    Here.
[08:00] Todo
    You can have this.
[08:01] Todo
    I didn't take your wallet, but I feel bad.
[08:05] Oso
    No, no, no! It's okay!
[08:06] Oso
    I can't take this.
[08:08] Todo
    Don't be shy.
[08:10] Ichi
    Me, too.
[08:10] Oso
    Huh?
[08:12] Ichi
    You can have my life savings.
[08:15] Oso
    No, really, it's okay! Give me a break!
[08:18] Choro
    You can sell part of my
    collection to a pawn shop.
[08:21] Oso
    Have mercy!
[08:22] Oso
    Please! It's okay!
[08:24] Jyu
    You can sell my glove and bat, too.
[08:26] Oso
    Stop!
[08:28] Oso
    I can't take this! My heart hurts!
[08:32] Oso
    I'm gonna die! Have mercy!
[08:33] Oso
    Really, it's okay! I'm sorry!
[08:36] Oso
    I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
[08:39] Kara
    And you only had 500 yen instead of 30,000!
[08:44] Oso
    I'm sho shorry!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Pollen"
[08:55] Oso
    Man, I'm so bored.
[08:56] Lady
    This week should be mostly sunny.
[08:58] Todo
    Yeah...
[09:00] Lady
    Next, we have information regarding pollen.
SIGN    How is the Japanese Cedar pollen this year?
[09:03] Lady
    The pollen this year
[09:05] Lady
    will be 8,000 times worse than last year.
[09:08] Both
    8,000 times?!
[09:09] Todo
    Huh?!
[09:21] Jyu
    It's coming in!
[09:23] Oso
    Why is it 8,000 times?!
    What the hell's going on, Earth?!
[09:28] Choro
    Hey! I can't see a thing!
[09:30] Choro
    Who are you?!
[09:31] Ichi
    Who are you?
[09:32] Choro
    I wanna go home! Where's home?
[09:33] Ichi
    Which way is it?
[09:35] Kara
    I'm home...
[09:56] Jyu
    My nose won't stop running. Help me!
[10:02] Kara
    Crap! My brain's gonna fly out!
[10:04] Kara
    It actually did!
[10:06] Choro
    My eyes itch!
[10:12] Choro
    That's much better!
[10:14] Todo
    My nose itches!
[10:19] Todo
    That's much better!
[10:20] Oso
    My dick itches!
[10:24] Todo
    I think that's a different sickness.
[10:26] Jyu
    My nose... My nose won't stop running!
[10:33] All
    Jyushimatsu!
[10:35] Oso
    Crap! Jyushimatsu turned into a snot man!
[10:37] Todo
    He totally turned into a snot man!
[10:40] Todo
    What the hell?!
[10:45] Oso
    Yeah, he can't move. You're basically
    finished once you end up like that.
[10:51] Oso
    Yeah, we can't hear you at all.
    You're basically finished, bro.
[10:57] Choro
    Ichimatsu!
[11:03] Kara
    Choromatsu!
[11:06] Todo
    Osomatsu-nii—
[11:08] Kara
    Totty!
[11:10] Kara
    H-How could this have happened, my brothers?
[11:13] Kara
    Just wait! I'll save you al—
[11:21] Jyu
    This might actually be better.
[11:25] All
    Yeah, it might be.
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Labyrinth"
[11:37] Toto
    Huh? A dead end?
[11:46] Toto
    Another dead end?
[11:53] Toto
    This is weird. I was just
    taking a walk a minute ago...
[11:57] Toto
    How did I end up in this labyrinth?
[11:59] Toto
    Did someone kidnap me?
[12:01] Toto
    Who would do such a thing, and why?
[12:07] Toto
    Choromatsu-kun!
[12:12] Toto
    That's not Choromatsu-kun! What is that?!
[12:16] Toto
    Hatabou!
[12:19] Toto
    What is this?!
[12:22] Toto
    No!
[12:24] Toto
    Someone! Someone save me!
[12:27] Toto
    Where's the exit? Where is it?
[12:30] Toto
    S-Someone! Save me!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Jyushimatsu the Raccoon"
[13:44] Todo
    There aren't any more, okay?!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Todomatsu
    Passes On"
[13:58] Todo
    Say, Karamatsu-niisan.
[14:00] Todo
    What is all that?
[14:01] Todo
    Talk about cringe.
[14:05] Todo
    You're too depressing, Ichimatsu-niisan.
[14:10] Todo
    What are you doing, Osomatsu-niisan?
[14:13] Todo
    Jyushimatsu-niisan...
[14:15] Todo
    What exactly are you trying to do?
[14:19] Todo
    Choromatsu-niisan, you're gross.
[14:22] Todo
    It's the middle of the night!
[14:24] Todo
    Too depressing!
[14:25] Todo
    Stop!
[14:27] Todo
    Enough!
[14:28] Todo
    Seriously!
[14:29] Todo
    Stop! Stop!
[14:32] Todo
    Argh! I just keep calling you people out!
[14:38] Todo
    Choromatsu-niisan!
[14:39] Todo
    You haven't been calling anyone out,
    so I've been stuck doing all of it!
[14:41] Todo
    I'm done! Let me do stupid
    stuff once in a while!
[14:43] Todo
    I want to derp! I'm going to derp!
[14:45] Todo
    Okay?! There!
[14:52] All
    What?!
[14:55] Todo
    Herpa derp derp.
[14:59] Ichi
    T-Todomatsu?
[15:00] Todo
    Derpty doo.
[15:02] Choro
    Todomatsu? We're sorry.
[15:04] Todo
    Derp.
[15:05] Choro
    No, really. We're sorry.
[15:07] Todo
    Derpa derp.
[15:08] Kara
    Todomatsu!
[15:09] Todo
    Derp?
[15:11] Five
    Todomatsu!
[15:13] Todo
    Herpa derpa derpity doo.
[15:16] Five
    Todomatsu!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    Akatsuka Bread
[15:25] Guy
    Well, hello, kids from Matsuno Kindergarten.
SIGN    6th Month of Cleanliness
[15:31] Kids
    Hello!
[15:33] Guy
    You'll be touring our bread factory today.
    Make sure you pay attention.
SIGN    "Field Trip"
[15:38] Kids
    Okay!
[15:40] Guy
    Okay, follow me. Make sure
    you pay close attention.
[15:43] Choro
    So cool!
[15:45] Todo
    So much bread!
[15:47] Guy
    Make sure you look carefully.
[15:49] Kara
    Hey! It's the bread we get at snack time!
[15:51] Oso
    You're right!
[15:52] Guy
    I hope you learn something.
[15:54] Jyu
    Wow, so that's how you make it!
[15:56] Choro
    I had no idea!
[15:58] Guy
    Look.
SIGN    Flour
[16:00] Kara
    Wow!
[16:00] Oso
    So cool!
SIGN    What is bread made of? -Wheat -Yeast -Water
[16:02] Todo
    We're learning stuff!
SIGN    Yummy Bread
SIGN    No Running
    in the Factory!
[16:14] Kids
    Bye-bye!
SIGN    Watch out for cars
[16:16] Guy
    All right, that ends our tour.
    Did you all learn how to make bread?
[16:21] Kids
    Yup!
[16:23] Guy
    What is bread made out of?
[16:25] Kids
    Flour!
[16:26] Guy
    What do you mix into the dough?
[16:28] Kids
    Yeast!
[16:29] Guy
    What does croissant mean?
[16:31] Kids
    Crescent moon!
[16:33] Guy
    Very good! You got them all right!
[16:35] Kids
    Yay!
[16:38] Kids
    Huh?
[16:40] Guy
    It looks like you kids learned too much.
[16:44] Kids
    Huh?
[16:46] Guy
    Now you're going to die.
[16:48] Kids
    What?!
[16:50] Oso
    B-But you told us to follow you, mister.
[16:54] Guy
    There are things you're better
    off not knowing in this world.
[16:57] Guy
    Teaching you that was the
    other goal of this field trip.
SIGN    End
[17:02] Kids
    What?!
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[17:10] Nar
    At times, they're NEETs!
SIGN    At times, they're NEETs!
[17:13] Nar
    At times, they're virgins!
SIGN    At times, they're virgins!
[17:16] Nar
    But their true identities
    are the heroes of justice!
[17:23] Nar
    Today they'll once again get into their
    iron Proper-Ranger and defeat evil!
[17:28] Oso
    Move out!
[17:29] All
    Absolute Heroes! Proper-Rangers!
SIGN    Absolute Heroes
    Proper-Rangers
SIGN    Proper-Rangers! Move out!
[17:39] Todo
    So bored...
[17:40] Oso
    Yeah...
[17:54] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[18:01] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[18:08] Oso
    Hey, guys! We need to move
    out in our Proper-Ranger!
[18:11] All
    Roger!
[18:28] Song
    We still can't get enough
[18:30] Song
    Of dreams, love, and desires
[18:33] Song
    It's not just all about justice and courage
[18:39] Song
    The established regularity
    of the world will sustain us
[18:45] Song
    The overflowing power we're
    unleashing is proper!
[18:54] Toto
    Aren't the Proper-Rangers here yet?
[18:56] Song
    Properly combine
[18:59] Song
    Properly attack
[19:01] Song
    We'll change everything
    ourselves if we have to
[19:07] Song
    We're going to get our
    hands on a proper future
[19:13] Song
    With our proper lives
[19:35] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[19:37] Toto
    What's taking so long?!
[19:54] Song
    Properly transform
[19:56] Song
    Properly take off
[19:58] Song
    So we can take hold of our proper future
SIGN    End
SIGN    Absolute Heroes
    Proper-Rangers
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Skeleton"
[20:27] Guy
    This is the qualifier for the men's skeleton.
[20:33] Guy
    Matsuno Osomatsu. He's known for his
    performance in the latter half of his run.
SIGN    Blondie Cup
    Previous Records
    Akatsuka Cup: Last place
    Oden Cup: Last place
    Otsu Cup: DNF
    Sheeeh Cup:
    Prohibited from entering
[20:39] Guy
    What kind of run will he show us today?
[20:43] Guy
    He's about to begin.
[21:00] Guy
    Uh-oh.
[21:03] Guy
    Oh, dear...
[21:05] Guy
    Oh, that's not good.
[21:08] Oso
    My nipples!
[21:10] Oso
    My nipples!
[21:12] Oso
    My dick! My dick!
[21:36] Guy
    Right, so... Our winner is Karapino.
SIGN    End
[21:39] Kara
    I did it!
[23:17] Iya
    That's it for this week's Mr. Osomatsu.
[23:20] iyA
    So, what did you think?
[23:24] Dayo
    It was so-so.
[23:26] All
    Sheeeh!
SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
[23:31] Todo
    Todomatsu here.
[23:33] Todo
    Next week's story is "NEET Correctional Facility,"
    but can we just not talk about that?
[23:38] Todo
    I just want avert my eyes from
    reality as much as possible.
[23:41] Todo
    I want to hide in the shadows
[23:43] Todo
    of the other five and completely
    ignore how much of a loser I am!
[23:47] Todo
    Shit! Shit! You dumbasses!
SIGN    "BANANA" "NEET Correctional Facility" etc.
[23:49] Todo
    Whoops! I lost my composure there.
    Everything I just said was a lie.