E20 - Tidbits Collection 2 Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:05] Ann     And now, what you've all been waiting for! [00:07] Ann     I wonder what's going to happen tonight. [00:09] Ann     The TV anime, Mr. Osomatsu! [00:13] Iya     Good evening, everyone! [00:15] Crowd     Good evening! [00:17] Iya     It's time for the anime, Mr. Osomatsu! [00:21] All     Sheh, sheh, sheh, sheh! [00:23] All     Sheeeh! [00:27] Iya     You're all on point tonight. [00:31] Iya     Now, here's tonight's guest: Dayon-san. [00:35] Dayon     I'm looking forward to it. [00:36] ---     Thanks for being here. [00:38] Iya     All right, let's get things going! Roll the clip! [00:43] All     Sheeeh! SIGN    "Matsu Buns" [02:18] Chibi     Meat buns! They're hot and delicious! SIGN    Hybrid          Meat Buns          Cards Accepted [02:22] Chibi     Try one! [02:24] Chibi     Oden's great, but you need to     have meat buns once in a while. [02:27] Chibi     But they're no ordinary meat buns... [02:30] Chibi     I heard they sell, so I did     a little collaboration. [02:36] Chibi     Ta-da! Sextuplet buns! [02:41] Chibi     What? No one's interested? [02:45] Chibi     The heck? This isn't what I heard. [02:49] Chibi     Guess they're not as popular anymore, idjits. [02:53] Chibi     Nah, it's too early to give up.     You've gotta take a look inside. [02:59] Chibi     First, there's Oso-bun. Ta-da! [03:04] Chibi     It's filled with beer.     It tastes super weird. [03:07] Chibi     Ichi-bun! Ta-da! [03:11] Chibi     It's filled with poison.     If you eat it, you'll die instantly. [03:14] Chibi     Jyushi-bun! Ta-da! [03:17] Chibi     The universe. Eat it,     and you'll be baked instantly. [03:20] Chibi     Kara-bun! Ta-da! [03:23] Chibi     There's nothing inside. [03:25] Chibi     Todo-bun! Ta-da! [03:27] Chibi     It's also empty! [03:28] Chibi     Choro! [03:29] Chibi     Nothing! [03:35] Chibi     Who in the hell... [03:37] Chibi     is going to buy meat buns     like these, you idjits?! SIGN    End [03:39] Chibi     You shitty NEETs! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Tax Return" [03:57] Jyu     What are you doing, Choromatsu-niisan? [04:00] Choro     I'm filing my taxes. [04:02] Jyu     Huh? [04:09] Jyu     What'cha doin'? [04:11] Choro     I told you, I'm filing my taxes. SIGN    All You Need to Do Your Taxes [04:13] Jyu     You're filing your taxes? [04:15] Choro     You have to do them around     this time of year. [04:17] Choro     We're unemployed NEETs,     so we have to at least file our taxes. [04:21] Choro     It's embarrassing if you don't. [04:24] Jyu     Filing your taxes... [04:26] Jyu     What does that mean again? [04:27] Choro     You don't know?! [04:29] Jyu     Yeah, I think I should know what it is,     but I'm getting confused. [04:33] Choro     Honestly, you're so helpless. [04:34] Choro     When you file your taxes,     you do something taxing, then file it. [04:38] Jyu     Huh? [04:39] Choro     First, you do something taxing,     and then you file it. [04:44] Jyu     Huh? [04:44] Choro     I looked into it.     There's a white form, a blue form, SIGN    Heisei Year 29 Green Form [04:50] Choro     and, in my case, I use this green form. [04:53] Choro     Man, things just don't seem     to be adding up, though. [04:56] Choro     I just want to hurry up and file this. [04:58] Choro     We're adults now,     so we have to do these properly. [05:01] Choro     I mean, we don't have jobs,     so we should at least do this. [05:05] Choro     I'm so responsible. So great. [05:07] Choro     All right, I'm gonna go ahead     and get these taxes filed. [05:11] Choro     I'm so responsible! So proper! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Karapino" [05:21] Guy     Karapino. [05:23] Guy     Once upon a time, at a certain toy store,     there was a boy doll named Karapino. SIGN    Toy Store [05:30] Guy     Karapino was very proud of his nose,     and he had a very unique feature. SIGN    Toy Store [05:38] Guy     And that was... [05:40] Girl     Oh, a doll. [05:42] Girl     How cute! [05:50] Guy     Whenever Karapino got too excited,     his branch down below would grow. SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Wallet" [06:03] Oso     What the...? [06:05] Oso     My wallet's missing! [06:06] Oso     It's gone! The wallet I put right here is gone! [06:09] Todo     What? I haven't seen it. [06:11] Oso     I had 30,000 in there from     winning at pachinko yesterday! [06:15] All     What?! [06:17] Ichi     30,000?! [06:18] Jyu     That much? [06:22] Oso     One of you took it, didn't you? [06:23] All     Huh? [06:24] Oso     You took my wallet, didn't you?! [06:26] Oso     Who was it? Fess up! [06:27] Choro     Wait, calm down. No one took it. [06:30] Oso     Yes, you did! [06:31] Choro     We didn't. [06:32] Oso     You did! [06:32] Choro     And I'm telling you, we didn't. [06:34] Oso     You liar! I mean, if I found a wallet with     30,000 in it, I'd definitely take it! [06:40] Choro     Don't compare us to you, you dumbass! [06:43] Oso     That's enough. Just be     honest and come forward. [06:46] Oso     I won't get mad. [06:47] Oso     Who took it? [06:56] Oso     Is that your ploy? [06:59] Oso     So you're all going to play dumb,     and split the money later. [07:03] Oso     That's so cruel!     I'm so disappointed in you guys! [07:05] Oso     If I'd taken it, I'd honestly say I did it! [07:09] Oso     You guys suck! [07:11] Oso     You guys aren't my brothers anymore! [07:13] Oso     Are you listening, you heartless     bastards?! You scum! [07:15] Oso     This is exactly why no one gives you     Valentine's chocolates! You idiots! [07:18] Oso     Morons! Die, you morons! [07:21] Oso     Morons! [07:22] Kara     Osomatsu! [07:23] Oso     What?! [07:24] Kara     Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... [07:26] Oso     What?! [07:26] Kara     It's in your back pocket. [07:28] Oso     Huh?! [07:29] Kara     It's in your back pocket... [07:31] Oso     Wha? [07:36] Oso     I had it all along! [07:38] Oso     And I said terrible things     to those innocent bastards! [07:42] Oso     Oh, shit... [07:43] Kara     The hell are you doing?! [07:45] Oso     Well, if the tables were turned,     I'd totally take the wallet! [07:49] Oso     I totally thought you guys took it! [07:51] Kara     Osomatsu, we're not like you. [07:53] Oso     You say that so calmly, but... [07:56] Todo     Osomatsu-niisan. [07:58] Todo     Here. [08:00] Todo     You can have this. [08:01] Todo     I didn't take your wallet, but I feel bad. [08:05] Oso     No, no, no! It's okay! [08:06] Oso     I can't take this. [08:08] Todo     Don't be shy. [08:10] Ichi     Me, too. [08:10] Oso     Huh? [08:12] Ichi     You can have my life savings. [08:15] Oso     No, really, it's okay! Give me a break! [08:18] Choro     You can sell part of my     collection to a pawn shop. [08:21] Oso     Have mercy! [08:22] Oso     Please! It's okay! [08:24] Jyu     You can sell my glove and bat, too. [08:26] Oso     Stop! [08:28] Oso     I can't take this! My heart hurts! [08:32] Oso     I'm gonna die! Have mercy! [08:33] Oso     Really, it's okay! I'm sorry! [08:36] Oso     I'm sorry! I'm sorry! [08:39] Kara     And you only had 500 yen instead of 30,000! [08:44] Oso     I'm sho shorry! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Pollen" [08:55] Oso     Man, I'm so bored. [08:56] Lady     This week should be mostly sunny. [08:58] Todo     Yeah... [09:00] Lady     Next, we have information regarding pollen. SIGN    How is the Japanese Cedar pollen this year? [09:03] Lady     The pollen this year [09:05] Lady     will be 8,000 times worse than last year. [09:08] Both     8,000 times?! [09:09] Todo     Huh?! [09:21] Jyu     It's coming in! [09:23] Oso     Why is it 8,000 times?!     What the hell's going on, Earth?! [09:28] Choro     Hey! I can't see a thing! [09:30] Choro     Who are you?! [09:31] Ichi     Who are you? [09:32] Choro     I wanna go home! Where's home? [09:33] Ichi     Which way is it? [09:35] Kara     I'm home... [09:56] Jyu     My nose won't stop running. Help me! [10:02] Kara     Crap! My brain's gonna fly out! [10:04] Kara     It actually did! [10:06] Choro     My eyes itch! [10:12] Choro     That's much better! [10:14] Todo     My nose itches! [10:19] Todo     That's much better! [10:20] Oso     My dick itches! [10:24] Todo     I think that's a different sickness. [10:26] Jyu     My nose... My nose won't stop running! [10:33] All     Jyushimatsu! [10:35] Oso     Crap! Jyushimatsu turned into a snot man! [10:37] Todo     He totally turned into a snot man! [10:40] Todo     What the hell?! [10:45] Oso     Yeah, he can't move. You're basically     finished once you end up like that. [10:51] Oso     Yeah, we can't hear you at all.     You're basically finished, bro. [10:57] Choro     Ichimatsu! [11:03] Kara     Choromatsu! [11:06] Todo     Osomatsu-nii— [11:08] Kara     Totty! [11:10] Kara     H-How could this have happened, my brothers? [11:13] Kara     Just wait! I'll save you al— [11:21] Jyu     This might actually be better. [11:25] All     Yeah, it might be. SIGN    End SIGN    "Labyrinth" [11:37] Toto     Huh? A dead end? [11:46] Toto     Another dead end? [11:53] Toto     This is weird. I was just     taking a walk a minute ago... [11:57] Toto     How did I end up in this labyrinth? [11:59] Toto     Did someone kidnap me? [12:01] Toto     Who would do such a thing, and why? [12:07] Toto     Choromatsu-kun! [12:12] Toto     That's not Choromatsu-kun! What is that?! [12:16] Toto     Hatabou! [12:19] Toto     What is this?! [12:22] Toto     No! [12:24] Toto     Someone! Someone save me! [12:27] Toto     Where's the exit? Where is it? [12:30] Toto     S-Someone! Save me! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Jyushimatsu the Raccoon" [13:44] Todo     There aren't any more, okay?! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Todomatsu     Passes On" [13:58] Todo     Say, Karamatsu-niisan. [14:00] Todo     What is all that? [14:01] Todo     Talk about cringe. [14:05] Todo     You're too depressing, Ichimatsu-niisan. [14:10] Todo     What are you doing, Osomatsu-niisan? [14:13] Todo     Jyushimatsu-niisan... [14:15] Todo     What exactly are you trying to do? [14:19] Todo     Choromatsu-niisan, you're gross. [14:22] Todo     It's the middle of the night! [14:24] Todo     Too depressing! [14:25] Todo     Stop! [14:27] Todo     Enough! [14:28] Todo     Seriously! [14:29] Todo     Stop! Stop! [14:32] Todo     Argh! I just keep calling you people out! [14:38] Todo     Choromatsu-niisan! [14:39] Todo     You haven't been calling anyone out,     so I've been stuck doing all of it! [14:41] Todo     I'm done! Let me do stupid     stuff once in a while! [14:43] Todo     I want to derp! I'm going to derp! [14:45] Todo     Okay?! There! [14:52] All     What?! [14:55] Todo     Herpa derp derp. [14:59] Ichi     T-Todomatsu? [15:00] Todo     Derpty doo. [15:02] Choro     Todomatsu? We're sorry. [15:04] Todo     Derp. [15:05] Choro     No, really. We're sorry. [15:07] Todo     Derpa derp. [15:08] Kara     Todomatsu! [15:09] Todo     Derp? [15:11] Five     Todomatsu! [15:13] Todo     Herpa derpa derpity doo. [15:16] Five     Todomatsu! SIGN    End SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    Akatsuka Bread [15:25] Guy     Well, hello, kids from Matsuno Kindergarten. SIGN    6th Month of Cleanliness [15:31] Kids     Hello! [15:33] Guy     You'll be touring our bread factory today.     Make sure you pay attention. SIGN    "Field Trip" [15:38] Kids     Okay! [15:40] Guy     Okay, follow me. Make sure     you pay close attention. [15:43] Choro     So cool! [15:45] Todo     So much bread! [15:47] Guy     Make sure you look carefully. [15:49] Kara     Hey! It's the bread we get at snack time! [15:51] Oso     You're right! [15:52] Guy     I hope you learn something. [15:54] Jyu     Wow, so that's how you make it! [15:56] Choro     I had no idea! [15:58] Guy     Look. SIGN    Flour [16:00] Kara     Wow! [16:00] Oso     So cool! SIGN    What is bread made of? -Wheat -Yeast -Water [16:02] Todo     We're learning stuff! SIGN    Yummy Bread SIGN    No Running     in the Factory! [16:14] Kids     Bye-bye! SIGN    Watch out for cars [16:16] Guy     All right, that ends our tour.     Did you all learn how to make bread? [16:21] Kids     Yup! [16:23] Guy     What is bread made out of? [16:25] Kids     Flour! [16:26] Guy     What do you mix into the dough? [16:28] Kids     Yeast! [16:29] Guy     What does croissant mean? [16:31] Kids     Crescent moon! [16:33] Guy     Very good! You got them all right! [16:35] Kids     Yay! [16:38] Kids     Huh? [16:40] Guy     It looks like you kids learned too much. [16:44] Kids     Huh? [16:46] Guy     Now you're going to die. [16:48] Kids     What?! [16:50] Oso     B-But you told us to follow you, mister. [16:54] Guy     There are things you're better     off not knowing in this world. [16:57] Guy     Teaching you that was the     other goal of this field trip. SIGN    End [17:02] Kids     What?! SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu [17:10] Nar     At times, they're NEETs! SIGN    At times, they're NEETs! [17:13] Nar     At times, they're virgins! SIGN    At times, they're virgins! [17:16] Nar     But their true identities     are the heroes of justice! [17:23] Nar     Today they'll once again get into their     iron Proper-Ranger and defeat evil! [17:28] Oso     Move out! [17:29] All     Absolute Heroes! Proper-Rangers! SIGN    Absolute Heroes     Proper-Rangers SIGN    Proper-Rangers! Move out! [17:39] Todo     So bored... [17:40] Oso     Yeah... [17:54] Iya     Sheeeh! [18:01] Iya     Sheeeh! [18:08] Oso     Hey, guys! We need to move     out in our Proper-Ranger! [18:11] All     Roger! [18:28] Song     We still can't get enough [18:30] Song     Of dreams, love, and desires [18:33] Song     It's not just all about justice and courage [18:39] Song     The established regularity     of the world will sustain us [18:45] Song     The overflowing power we're     unleashing is proper! [18:54] Toto     Aren't the Proper-Rangers here yet? [18:56] Song     Properly combine [18:59] Song     Properly attack [19:01] Song     We'll change everything     ourselves if we have to [19:07] Song     We're going to get our     hands on a proper future [19:13] Song     With our proper lives [19:35] Iya     Sheeeh! [19:37] Toto     What's taking so long?! [19:54] Song     Properly transform [19:56] Song     Properly take off [19:58] Song     So we can take hold of our proper future SIGN    End SIGN    Absolute Heroes     Proper-Rangers SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Skeleton" [20:27] Guy     This is the qualifier for the men's skeleton. [20:33] Guy     Matsuno Osomatsu. He's known for his     performance in the latter half of his run. SIGN    Blondie Cup     Previous Records     Akatsuka Cup: Last place     Oden Cup: Last place     Otsu Cup: DNF     Sheeeh Cup:     Prohibited from entering [20:39] Guy     What kind of run will he show us today? [20:43] Guy     He's about to begin. [21:00] Guy     Uh-oh. [21:03] Guy     Oh, dear... [21:05] Guy     Oh, that's not good. [21:08] Oso     My nipples! [21:10] Oso     My nipples! [21:12] Oso     My dick! My dick! [21:36] Guy     Right, so... Our winner is Karapino. SIGN    End [21:39] Kara     I did it! [23:17] Iya     That's it for this week's Mr. Osomatsu. [23:20] iyA     So, what did you think? [23:24] Dayo     It was so-so. [23:26] All     Sheeeh! SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu [23:31] Todo     Todomatsu here. [23:33] Todo     Next week's story is "NEET Correctional Facility,"     but can we just not talk about that? [23:38] Todo     I just want avert my eyes from     reality as much as possible. [23:41] Todo     I want to hide in the shadows [23:43] Todo     of the other five and completely     ignore how much of a loser I am! [23:47] Todo     Shit! Shit! You dumbasses! SIGN    "BANANA" "NEET Correctional Facility" etc. [23:49] Todo     Whoops! I lost my composure there.     Everything I just said was a lie.