E21 - Totoderella

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "Is This Okay?"
[00:08] Choro
    Is this okay?
[00:10] Choro
    I'm a bit worried.
[00:12] Ichi
    Huh? About what?
[00:14] Choro
    When you're eating in, is it okay
     to stay however long you want?
[00:18] Choro
    I'm worried we're being
    a burden to the staff.
[00:22] Choro
    Is this okay?
[00:24] Ichi
    I get that. I've been wondering myself.
[00:27] Ichi
    Anyone would worry about that, right?
[00:29] Choro
    Yeah, I think it's normal.
[00:31] Ichi
    Nice. I knew I liked something about you.
[00:34] Choro
    Really? Thanks.
[00:36] Choro
    I think it's great that you worry
    about stuff like this, too.
[00:39] Ichi
    Thanks.
SIGN    Please do not sit here for too long It inconveniences the other customers.
[00:40] Choro
    Now, this is the confusing part.
[00:42] Choro
    "Please do not sit here for too long."
    But how long is too long?
[00:48] Ichi
    No idea. It's really hard to say.
[00:50] Choro
    We have nothing to do with our lives,
[00:52] Choro
    so our sense of time is completely
    different from normal people's.
[00:55] Ichi
    We live by a different clock.
[00:57] Choro
    We could easily kill time for, like,
    ten hours. I've done it lots of times.
[01:02] Ichi
    "Too long" for us would get pretty crazy.
SIGN    Self Discovery
SIGN    Live Free
SIGN     Do This and
    Your Life Will
    Change Forever
[01:05] Choro
    I wonder how long is okay.
[01:07] Ichi
    No idea.
[01:09] Choro
    Well, we should probably leave soon, anyway.
[01:11] Ichi
    Yeah. We don't want to
    burden them, so let's leave.
[01:15] Choro
    Oh, shit! An employee's coming this way!
[01:16] Ichi
    Huh?!
[01:18] Choro
    Are we in trouble?
[01:19] Ichi
    Will we be okay?
[01:20] Choro
    He's gonna say something to us!
SIGN    Please do not sit here for too long It inconveniences the other customers.
[01:22] Ichi
    He's gonna yell at us!
[01:36] Choro
    Man, that was close!
[01:38] Ichi
    Dude, I thought he was gonna kill us!
[01:41] Choro
    We should probably leave
    before they do kill us.
[01:43] Ichi
    Yeah, let's leave.
[01:46] Choro
    Ichimatsu, what's that?
    Did you actually buy that?
SIGN    Snakey Star Ramen
SIGN    Nori Salt Flavor
[01:49] Ichi
    Well, yeah.
[01:51] Choro
    Good job! I bought something, too.
SIGN    Porky
SIGN    Sauce- Flavor
[01:53] ichi
    Really? Good job.
[01:55] Choro
    I do feel bad, since it's only 30 yen.
[01:57] Ichi
    Nah, the value of money for us is
    totally different from everyone else's.
[02:02] Ichi
    Thirty yen is pretty spendy.
[02:04] Choro
    It definitely puts a dent in our wallets.
[02:06] Choro
    So I'm hoping the employees don't judge
    us by how much the items we buy cost,
[02:11] Choro
    but instead consider how much of a dent
    we're making in our life savings here.
[02:16] Ichi
    Have mercy on us.
[02:17] Choro
    Please forgive us.
[02:20] Choro
    Someone's coming again!
[02:22] Choro
    I'm sorry!
[02:23] Ichi
    I'm sorry!
[02:24] Choro
    Forgive us!
[02:25] Ichi
    Forgive us!
[02:26] Both
    Please don't yell at us!
[02:35] Choro
    Holy shit, we're saved.
[02:38] Ichi
    They didn't kill us...
[02:40] Choro
    That's our limit, though. Let's go.
[02:42] Ichi
    Yeah. We're definitely burdening them.
[02:44] Both
    Okay, let's leave.
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Greenroom"
SIGN    K Pro Comedy AI Show
    Matsumusha
[04:33] Salmon
    Do we need to fix anything else?
    Should we use our family restaurant bit?
[04:37] Plum
    I'll tell you one part that's bugging me.
[04:39] Salmon
    Okay.
[04:40] Plum
    So, about the intro...
[04:42] Salmon
    Yeah?
[04:45] All
    Good morning!
[04:48] Salmon
    Huh?!
[04:50] Salmon
    IyaChibi-san? Why are they here?
[04:52] Salmon
    Were they on today?
[04:54] Plum
    W-Were they listed?
[04:56] Salmon
    No... So why are they here?
[04:59] Plum
    They must've come to see
    the newer acts perform.
[05:01] Salmon
    For real? Why, though?
[05:03] Plum
    This is going to take up so much time...
[05:07] Iyami
    Heya.
[05:08] Chibi
    Heya.
[05:10] Both
    Good morning.
[05:12] Salmon
    Ow, ow! Hey, please stop that!
[05:17] Ume
    That tickles! Please stop!
[05:20] Shake
    Why is this happening?
[05:21] Ume
    This sucks!
[05:25] Chibi
    How're things lately?
[05:26] Chibi
    Staying busy?
[05:28] Shake
    No, not at all.
[05:29] Iyami
    You guys are popular.
[05:31] Ume
    We're really not.
[05:32] Chibi
    You're winning all the auditions, aren't ya?
[05:34] Shake
    Where'd you hear that from?
[05:36] Iyami
    Your bit today was good.
    Are you gonna do that one at A-1?
[05:40] Both
    Yes.
[05:41] Iyami
    You're likely to make it...
[05:44] Iyami
    to the semifinals.
[05:46] Both
    Semifinals? No, no, no!
[05:48] Chibi
    Not only that, but you could...
[05:51] Chibi
    make it to the finals!
[05:52] Both
    The finals?! No, no, no!
[05:54] Iyami
    Winners of the A-1!
[05:56] Chibi
    Congrats!
[05:59] Shake
    There it is. Complimenting their juniors
    just to make them uncomfortable.
[06:02] Ume
    And passive-aggressively trying to
    prove they have nothing to fear.
[06:06] Iyami
    Go on. Have a seat...
[06:07] Both
    ...champions!
[06:11] Chibi
    Oh, yeah.
[06:13] Chibi
    The other day, I was walking by the station,
[06:16] Chibi
    and it started pouring outta nowhere.
[06:18] Both
    Yes?
[06:18] Chibi
    It was super sudden and, like,
    I didn't have an umbrella, right?
[06:23] ---
    Right, right.
[06:24] Both
    Oh, really?
[06:29] Both
    Oh, really?
[06:31] Both
    Oh, really?
[06:33] Both
    Really?
[06:35] Both
    Oh, really?
[06:38] Shake
    What the hell is he talking about?
[06:41] Ume
    He's talking so long about nothing.
[06:43] Ume
    Where's he going with this?
[06:46] Ume
    I seriously can't tell.
    It's a pain to even listen.
[06:48] Shake
    He's just wasting our time.
[06:49] Ume
    But they're our seniors, so we have
    to at least pretend we're listening.
[06:53] Shake
    But the more interested we seem,
    the longer they'll drag it out.
[06:58] Iyami
    And the one who was there
[06:59] Iyami
    just happened to be that old lady.
[07:01] Chibi
    Why the hell?
[07:04] Iyami
    Funny, right?
[07:06] Chibi
    And then, would you believe it?
[07:08] Chibi
    It broke.
[07:10] Iyami
    Insane, right?
[07:14] Iyami
    And then...
[07:15] Both
    When should we make a break for it?
[07:18] Iyami
    We've got a present for you guys today.
[07:20] Iyami
    I'm sure you guys are broke, right?
[07:23] Iyami
    Here. You can have these.
[07:27] Shake
    Thank you.
[07:28] Ume
    He's not a bad guy.
[07:30] Shake
    Or a bad senior.
[07:32] Both
    But...
[07:35] Ume
    These are so old, we won't be able to use them.
[07:38] Shake
    I'm sure his intentions are good...
[07:41] Shake
    But it's not like we can throw
    these away. It's just a burden.
[07:48] Chibi
    So, are you guys free after this?
[07:50] Both
    Huh?
[07:53] Ume
    Crap! The moment we were dreading!
[07:55] Shake
    It's do-or-die time!
[07:57] Shake
    Actually, we've got something planned...
[07:59] Ume
    Yeah, we're a bit busy.
[08:01] Chibi
    So you're free?
[08:03] Chibi
    Your schedule's clear, right?
[08:04] Chibi
    You're free, right?
[08:06] Shake
    Could you tell us what awaits
    us if we say we're free?
[08:11] Ume
    Could you not force us into things without
    telling us what we're getting into?
[08:16] Chibi
    So you see...
[08:17] Ume
    You're inviting us to eat, aren't you?
[08:19] Chibi
    You see...
[08:20] Shake
    Yup, it's food.
[08:23] Ume
    It's food.
[08:24] Shake
    It's definitely food.
[08:26] Chibi
    How about we go grab
     a bite to eat after this?
[08:28] Both
    I knew it!
[08:29] Ume
    He makes it sound super serious to
    make it even harder for us to decline,
[08:33] Ume
    and then just tells us he's
    inviting us out for food.
[08:36] Iyami
    We can eat wherever you guys want.
[08:38] Both
    Thank you very much.
[08:39] Ume
    Thanks, I guess...
[08:41] Shake
    Thanks, I guess...
SIGN    The Cheapest
    Pub in Town
SIGN    Goukyuu Store #3
[08:43] Ume
    They always take us to
    the cheapest place possible.
[08:47] Shake
    The food sucks, and the
    alcohol they have is gross.
[08:49] Ume
    We can't relax because of who we're with.
[08:51] Shake
    We can't let down our guard at all.
[08:53] Ume
    Sometimes they lecture us.
[08:55] Shake
    We can't go home, even if we're tired.
[08:56] Ume
    We're grateful...
[08:58] Both
    But it's also sort of just hell.
[09:01] Shake
    Please don't worry about
    us if it's too expensive.
[09:03] Ume
    We can afford to come here on our own.
[09:09] Robot
    Hey, it's IyaChibi-san.
[09:11] Robot
    What's up? Are you guys bored?
[09:15] Ume
    Crap! An air-headed newbie just showed up!
[09:17] Robot
    Man, your bit the other day sucked!
    Are you guys gonna make it in the A-1?
[09:23] Iya
    Hey, come on, now.
[09:24] Chibi
    Don't be so rude to your seniors.
[09:28] Ume
    You could get mad at him...
[09:30] Robot
    You need to work harder, IyaChibi!
[09:34] Iyami
    Remember, we've been around
    longer than you have.
[09:38] Shake
    You could just get pissed off...
[09:39] Ume
    You need to get mad!
    He's just mocking you!
[09:43] Rob
    Sorry, IyaChibi-san. Was that okay?
[09:46] Iyami
    Huh? What do you mean?
[09:48] Chibi
    We're totally fine.
[09:49] Shake
    No way. We saw you get angry for a second.
[09:52] Robot
    Hey, what's this?
[09:54] Robot
    Hmm... Don't need it!
[09:58] Iyami
    You idiot.
[09:59] Chibi
    Cut it out already.
[10:01] Shake
    You're way too nice!
[10:03] Ume
    Being nice and being popular
    don't coincide here.
[10:06] Both
    There's no hope.
[10:08] Some
    Riceballs.
[10:11] Both
    Basshy-san!
[10:13] Ume
    The pro emcee everyone looks up to.
[10:15] Shake
    He's already on tons of TV shows.
[10:18] Basshy
    You guys free after this?
    Wanna grab a light meal?
[10:22] Both
    Yes, please!
[10:24] Shake
    We really, really want to
    go drinking with you!
[10:26] Ume
    We should totally hang out with them if
    we want to get anywhere in this business.
[10:29] Shake
    But IyaChibi-san already invited us.
[10:32] Ume
    But we'd have a better chance
    to make it with them...
[10:39] Ume
    They always disappear into the shadows
    when a popular junior shows up.
[10:43] Rando
    Guys!
[10:45] Rando
    The results for the first round of
    the A-1 Grand Prix are already out!
[10:48] All
    For real?!
[10:51] Ume
    Well? Are we listed?
[10:55] Shake
    We are!
SIGN    Riceballs (Free)
[10:56] Shake
    We got through the first round!
[10:59] Ume
    That's awesome!
[11:00] Both
    Yay!
[11:03] Ume
    Wait.
SIGN    Jerry
[11:13] Ume
    G-Guess they aren't on the list.
[11:15] Shake
    They were eliminated.
[11:17] Robot
    Well, the first round is easy-peasy.
     Of course we got through.
[11:25] Shake
    Nice seniors like you need
    to get popular already.
[11:27] Ume
    We're the ones who suffer if you don't!
[11:38] Chiba
    Well...
[11:39] Iyami
    Let's go get some food.
[11:43] Both
    Like we could!
SIGN    End
[11:50] Nar
    Once upon a time, there was
    a very straightforward maid
[11:54] Nar
    who could only say exactly
    what she was thinking.
SIGN    "Totoderella"
[12:00] Choro
    Totoderella!
[12:02] Todo
    Totoderella!
[12:03] Toto
    Here!
[12:04] Choro
    Totoderella!
[12:06] Choro
    Took you long enough!
[12:07] Todo
    You're useless! What is this breakfast?
[12:10] Choro
    It's too hard!
[12:11] Todo
    It's cold!
[12:12] Choro
    It tastes awful!
[12:14] Todo
    You're not cute at all!
[12:16] Choro
    Are you listening?! Say something!
[12:20] Toto
    God, you two are ugly.
[12:30] Toto
    What did you just say?!
    Who do you think you are?!
[12:34] Oso
    What's all this fuss about?
[12:36] Both
    Mother!
[12:40] Choro
    Totoderella's so mean to us!
[12:41] Todo
    She's just awful!
[12:43] Oso
    Totoderella! What did you do to
    my adorable little daughters?
[12:46] Oso
    Don't make me kick you out! Say something!
[12:49] Toto
    God, you're ugly.
[13:02] Oso
    Get all this laundry done today.
[13:05] Oso
    Got it?
[13:23] Choro
    Totoderella, what do you think you're doing?
[13:25] Toto
    The laundry.
[13:26] todo
    Is that how you wash it?!
[13:28] Toto
    Oh, my goodness! How could I?
[13:31] Toto
    But I just couldn't get
    motivated to do this.
[13:33] Toto
    I mean, no matter how clean I get them,
[13:35] Toto
    if you uggos are the ones wearing them...
[13:49] Todo
    Wash them properly!
[13:50] Toto
    Okay, I will.
[13:51] Todo
    I need to look beautiful in them.
[13:53] Toto
    Okay.
[13:55] Todo
    Totoderella!
[13:58] Toto
    Become beautiful! Become beautiful!
[13:58] Todo
    Stop!
[13:59] Choro
    Someone help!
[14:02] Oso
    Oh, my!
[14:04] Both
    What's the matter, Mother?
[14:05] Oso
    This says there's a ball at the castle today.
[14:08] Both
    A ball?
[14:09] Oso
    The prince will be looking
    for his future bride there.
[14:15] Choro
    The prince is looking for me!
[14:17] Todo
    He's looking for me!
[14:19] Choro
    I'm right here! Come find me!
[14:21] Todo
    Eat me up!
[14:32] Choro
    See?
[14:34] Todo
    I look beautiful, don't I?
[14:36] Toto
    Wow.. Just wow.
[14:38] Choro
    Just so you know, Totoderella,
    you're not allowed to come to the ball.
[14:42] Todo
    You get to stay home.
[14:43] Choro
    Stupid.
[14:44] Todo
    Moron.
[14:49] Toto
    I wonder if they ended up ugly on the inside
    because they're so ugly on the outside, too.
[14:53] Toto
    Or did they end up so ugly on the outside
    because they're so ugly on the inside?
[14:58] Toto
    I wonder where the ugly starts.
     I have no idea.
[15:02] Toto
    A ball... I sort of wish I could go.
[15:06] Toto
    Well, whatever.
[15:10] Toto
    Wh-Who are you?
[15:12] Jyushi
    Your Fairy Godmatsu.
[15:14] Toto
    Fairy Godmatsu?
[15:15] Jyushi
    My poor little Totoderella.
[15:17] Jyushi
    You must really want to go to that ball.
[15:20] Toto
    Huh? Not really...
[15:21] Jyushi
    I shall grant that wish for you!
[15:24] Jyushi
    Let's go! Bibidi Babidi Jyu!
[15:34] Jyushi
    Bibidi Babidi Shi!
[15:40] Jyushi
    Bibidi Jyu! Bibidi Shi!
[15:42] Jyushi
    Jyu! Shi! Jyushi!
[15:48] Jyu
    There you go. You can go to the
    ball now! You must be so happy.
[15:52] Jyu
    Now, run along.
[15:56] Jyushi
    What's the matter, Totoderella?
[15:58] Toto
    A carriage, huh? Those shake a lot,
    don't they? And they're pretty slow.
[16:02] Jyushi
    You're complaining? Seriously?
[16:04] Toto
    Could I get a taxi instead?
[16:06] Jyushi
    A taxi?
[16:07] Toto
    They look like this. Do you
    know what I'm talking about?
[16:09] Toto
    They're about this big.
[16:12] Jyushi
    I mean, yeah. And they're super
    spacious and comfy inside.
[16:15] Toto
    I'm not sure how I feel about it
    being a former pumpkin, either.
[16:18] Toto
    And that horse and that
    person used to be mice.
[16:21] Toto
    I mean, thanks, I guess...
    but what if you were in my shoes?
[16:25] Toto
    Wouldn't it bug you that they were
    a former pumpkin and former mice?
[16:29] Toto
    And this dress is just so... expected.
    Could I get a different design?
[16:34] Jyushi
    What? You want a different dress?
[16:36] Toto
    Yes.
[16:39] Jyushi
    Bibidi Babidi Jyu!
[16:41] Toto
    Hmm...
[16:43] Jyushi
    Bibidi Babidi Jyu!
[16:45] Toto
    Nah...
[16:46] Jyushi
    Bibidi Babidi Jyu!
[16:48] Toto
    Get a clue!
[16:49] Jyushi
    Bibidi Jyu!
[16:51] Jyushi
    Bibidi Shi!
[16:52] Jyushi
    Jyu! Shi!
[16:54] Jyushi
    Jyushi! Jyushi!
[16:58] Jyushi
    I-I used up so much magic...
    it took years off my life!
[17:03] Toto
    That's enough, Fairy Godmatsu.
    Thanks. I'll figure it out.
[17:25] Girl
    What in the world? What's she doing here?
[17:28] Girl
    She has some nerve coming
    here looking like that.
[17:32] Toto
    Wow! It's a zoo full of uggos! Score!
[17:36] Oso
    Totoderella!
[17:38] Choro
    What are you doing?!
[17:39] Todo
    Go home!
[17:46] Deka
    Prince, you need to choose
    a bride from that lot.
[17:49] Nya
    What?!
[17:52] Nya
    F-From these?
[17:55] Dayon
    Did you find anyone to your liking?
[17:58] Nya
    Yikes, I dunno...
[18:02] Nya
    Who's that?
[18:06] Nya
    Stop that!
[18:08] All
    P-Prince Nyaa!
[18:10] Nya
    Are you all right?
[18:12] Toto
    What do you mean?
[18:14] Nya
    What's your name?
[18:15] Toto
    What's yours?
[18:17] Nya
    I'm the prince of this kingdom, Prince Nyaa.
[18:20] Toto
    I'm Totoderella.
[18:21] Nya
    You have a very lovely face.
[18:23] Toto
    I know.
[18:24] Nya
    You're beautiful.
[18:25] Toto
    I know.
[18:26] Nya
    You're nothing like those commoners.
[18:28] Toto
    I know.
[18:29] Nya
    May I have this dance?
[18:30] Toto
    Sure, I guess.
[18:52] Deka
    Looks like he found his bride.
[18:54] Dayon
    Thank goodness!
[18:55] Choro
    I'm so mad!
[18:57] Todo
    I'm so pissed!
[18:59] Oso
    Stop that, you two!
[19:04] Nya
    Now, let's go.
[19:06] Toto
    Huh? W-Wait a sec.
[19:08] Nya
    What's the matter?
[19:09] Toto
    Don't give me that.
[19:11] Toto
    Where are you dragging me off to?
    Seriously, what's your deal?
[19:14] Toto
    It's been bugging me that you think
    I should be happy about all this.
[19:20] Nya
    But... I'm a prince, and I took a liking to you.
[19:23] Nya
    Because you're not like these other uggos.
[19:27] Toto
    Should you really be calling them uggos?
[19:31] Toto
    I mean, they're all here because
    you invited them, right?
[19:33] Toto
    And you have the nerve to
    call them uggos? Really?
[19:36] Toto
    Are you stupid or something?
[19:38] Oso
    T-Totoderella!
[19:40] Toto
    What even is a ball, anyway?
[19:42] Toto
    You gathered all these people
    here to... what? Show off?
[19:45] Toto
    Like, "Look how awesome I am!"
[19:47] Toto
    God, you're lame. Compensating much?
[19:49] Both
    Totoderella?!
[19:50] Toto
    A moron calls and the uggos come running!
[19:54] Toto
    Is this kingdom really okay?!
[19:57] Deka
    Th-That's very rude!
[19:59] Dayon
    Seize her!
[20:10] Toto
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[20:12] Toto
    I'm the one who's going
    to choose here. And you...
[20:16] Toto
    are on the side to get chosen!
[20:22] Toto
    Yup, keep it coming. I need to see
    just how loaded you are as a prince.
[20:29] Toto
    Yup, yup.
[20:30] Toto
    Yup, yup.
[20:32] Toto
    Yup, yup.
[20:35] Toto
    Wow! I guess you really are a prince.
[20:40] Toto
    Not bad!
[20:42] Nya
    Well, Totoderella?
[20:44] Nya
    Will you accept me now?
[20:45] Toto
    Yes! You're wonderful!
[20:48] Nya
    Let's go, then.
[20:50] Toto
    Okay!
[21:01] Toto
    Oh, it's 8 PM. I have to go home.
[21:03] All
    What?!
[21:04] Nya
    You're going home at 8 PM?
    Isn't it a bit early?
[21:06] Toto
    Well, I've got my skincare routine.
[21:08] Toto
    What? You were just about to say
    that my skin is always flawless?
[21:12] Toto
    Why, thank you.
[21:14] Toto
    Bye, now.
[21:15] Toto
    Peace out, scrubs. I'm gonna use
    this money to create a new kingdom!
[21:20] Toto
    Later!
[21:21] Deka
    She ran!
[21:22] Dayon
    Seize her!
[21:26] All
    Totoderella!
[21:42] Toto
    Oh, well.
[21:43] Deka
    Hold it!
[21:47] Toto
    You'll never catch me!
[21:58] Nya
    Damn it!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Next time on
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[23:35] Ichi
    Ichimatsu here.
[23:37] Ichi
    Next time on Mr. Osomatsu,
    we have "Hide-and-Seek."
[23:39] Ichi
    We're not talking about the hide-and-seek
    where you want to hide IRL
[23:45] Ichi
    and be at least a little visible online.
[23:47] Ichi
    We're talking about adults going
    all-out playing hide-and-seek.
SIGN    "Hide-and-Seek" etc.
[23:50] Ichi
    That itself is a pain.
[23:52] Ichi
    Tune in and shit.