E22 - Hide-and-Seek

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "I Found This"
[00:13] Kara
    Everybody, thank you! Perfect guy!
[00:16] Jyushi
    Karamatsu-niisan.
[00:18] Kara
    Oh, Brother! What's the matter?
[00:21] Jyushi
    I found a 100-yen coin.
[00:22] Kara
    Wow!
[00:23] Jyushi
    What do you think I should do with it?
[00:26] Kara
    Hm? Whatever do you mean?
[00:29] Jyushi
    I mean, I know I found it, but...
[00:33] Jyushi
    Is it okay if I, like... h-have it now?
SIGN    Reiwa Year 2
[00:41] Kara
    Jyushimatsu!
[00:43] Kara
    Whenever you find a lost item, you take
    it to a police box. That's common sense.
[00:49] Jyushi
    Oh, right... Of course.
[00:51] Kara
    At least, that's what a
    normie-sized guy would say.
[00:54] Jyushi
    Huh?
[00:55] Kara
    Things are different when
    you're a guy my size.
[00:58] Kara
    Rather than worrying about the duty
    of taking it to the police box,
[01:00] Kara
    it's more important to think
    of the ones involved here.
[01:04] Kara
    Jyushimatsu. Whose feelings should
    you prioritize in this situation?
SIGN    Japan
[01:10] Jyushi
    The person who dropped
    this 100-yen coin, right?
[01:13] Jyushi
    They must be struggling!
[01:15] Jyushi
    Okay, I'll take it to the police box.
[01:17] Kara
    That's what a normie-sized guy would say.
[01:20] Jyushi
    Huh?
[01:21] Kara
    When you're a navy-sized guy like
    myself, it doesn't roll like that.
[01:24] Jyushi
    A navy what?
[01:25] Kara
    The one you should think about
    the most right now, Jyushimatsu...
[01:32] Kara
    is this 100-yen coin and how it feels!
[01:37] Kara
    This poor thing was dropped by its owner.
[01:40] Kara
    Can you imagine the loneliness...
    the anguish it must've felt?!
[01:42] Kara
    And you were the one who
    found it, Jyushimatsu!
[01:47] Kara
    With your gentle hands!
[01:50] Kara
    The world may look down on you,
    but this is how I feel!
[01:54] Kara
    Putting this in your gentle
    hands, since you found it,
[01:58] Kara
    is also... a form of love!
[02:05] Jyushi
    Th-Thanks, Karamatsu-niisan!
[02:08] Kara
    Don't mention it.
[02:12] Jyushi
    But taking it to the police box is
    common sense, so I'll just do that.
SIGN    End
[02:15] Kara
    Wha?!
SIGN    Matsuno Jyushimatsu
SIGN    Yowai Totoko
SIGN    Busujima Dobuko
SIGN    Matsuno Todomatsu
SIGN    Peace Reigns Over the Land
SIGN    Matsuno Ichimatsu
SIGN    Matsuno Karamatsu
SIGN    Matsuno Choromatsu
SIGN    Matsuno Osomatsu
SIGN    Wannabe Detectives
[04:37] Toto
    Hey, give that back!
[04:53] Oso
    Jyushi.
[04:54] Jyushi
    'Sup, Oso?
[04:55] Oso
    Are you even taking our job seriously?
[04:58] Oso
    You came into work way too late today.
SIGN    Gratitude
[05:00] Jyushi
    Well, well... I guess you
    haven't heard, Osoyama-kun.
[05:04] Jyushi
    You're supposed to arrive a little late
[05:06] Jyushi
    when you're the star of the show.
[05:10] Oso
    Oh, good grief.
[05:13] Jyushi
    More importantly, Oso,
    are you sure you're awake?
SIGN    Ginseikai Inner Turmoil
[05:18] Jyushi
    Your paper's upside-down.
[05:20] Oso
    Even if it wasn't upside-down,
    I can't read it anyway.
[05:25] Jyushi
    Whoo, good grief.
[05:26] Oso
    Jyushi, you're spilling your coffee.
[05:29] Jyushi
    It doesn't matter.
[05:31] Jyushi
    Oso, you've got snot
    coming out of your nose.
[05:32] Oso
    It doeshn't maffer.
[05:36] Both
    It doesn't matter.
[05:42] Choro
    What?! Guys, there's a case!
SIGN    An incident?
SIGN    What?
[05:47] Oso
    Heh, good grief.
[05:49] Oso
    Looks like we're up again, Jyushi.
[05:51] Oso
    If we've got time to nab a criminal,
    I'd prefer to nab a cute little lady.
[05:55] Jyushi
    What can we do, Oso?
[05:59] Oso
    So what's the sitch?
[06:00] Sign
    Chief
[06:01] Oso
    What's the sitch?
[06:04] Oso
    What's the sitch? What happened?
    What're we looking at here?
[06:09] Oso
    Hey, where're you going? What happened?
    What're we looking at?
[06:12] Oso
    Hey!
[06:18] Both
    Heh, good grief.
[06:25] Jyushi
    Heya, Minato 106 here.
[06:26] Oso
    You're speaking with Dandy Osoyama.
[06:28] Jyushi
    Hey, Dandy Osoyama. Sexy Jyushita here.
[06:32] Oso
    Sexy Jyushita, I have
    some hot news for you.
[06:35] Oso
    They never told us what we're dealing with,
    so I have no idea where to go.
[06:40] Jyushi
    Same here.
[06:41] Oso
    What?
[06:45] Oso
    That perp bastard.
[06:47] Jyushi
    They won't get away with this!
[06:48] Oso
    We're gonna catch them.
[06:51] Jyushi
    No one's gotten away from us before.
[06:55] Both
    Other than the ladies.
[06:58] Jyushi
    Yeah.
[07:01] Toto
    Minato 103 here, to all units.
[07:03] Toto
    Looks like the perps ran into one
    of the warehouses on Akatsuka Wharf.
[07:06] Toto
    Requesting immediate backup!
SIGN    No Smoking
[07:09] Oso
    Looks like our perps have shown up.
[07:13] Jyushi
    Like a moth to a flame.
[07:15] Oso
    Where there's smoke, there's fire.
[07:17] Jyushi
    Bring the contents to a boil.
[07:19] Oso
    Shoyu, rayu, I love you.
[07:21] Jyushi
    "Getsu Getsu Ka Sui Moku Kin Kin."
[07:23] Oso
    Gondou, Gondou, rain, Gondou.
[07:25] Jyushi
    Coo, coo, coo, pigeon, coo, coo.
[07:27] Choro
    Osoyama and Jyushita!
[07:30] Choro
    You two better not come to the scene,
    you worthless pieces of shit!
[07:36] Oso
    The lady doth protest too much.
[07:38] Jyushi
    Ecchi, sketchy, one touch!
[07:40] Oso
    Sine, cosine, tangent.
[07:42] Jyushi
    Guys are about guts.
[07:43] Oso
    Girls are about cuteness.
[07:44] Both
    Sing, nightingale, Heian-kyo.
[07:47] Jyushi
    Let's go!
SIGN    No Smoking
[08:01] Oso
    This must be it.
[08:02] Jyushi
    Yeah.
[08:12] Choro
    Great work, everyone!
SIGN    Dumbasses!
SIGN    Abunai Deka
SIGN    Brothers' Fishing Big Haul
SIGN    No Smoking
[09:54] Jyushi
    Oso!
[09:55] Jyushi
    Oso!
[09:57] Jyushi
    Hang in there, Oso!
[09:59] Oso
    H-Hurry... Catch the perp...
[10:02] Jyushi
    Don't speak. Did you get
    knocked in the head? Damn it!
SIGN    No Smoking
[10:06] Oso
    I'm not... going to make it.
[10:09] Jyushi
    Don't say things like that!
[10:11] Oso
    Jyushi... I'm glad we were partners.
[10:18] Oso
    Well, this the first time I've ever
    made someone who wasn't a girl cry.
[10:23] Jyushi
    Oso...
[10:24] Oso
    Go... Go, Jyushi.
[10:29] oso
    Guys are about guts.
[10:31] jyushi
    Girls are about cuteness.
[10:33] oso
    Sing, nightingale, Heian-kyo.
[10:39] Jyushi
    Oso!
[10:43] Jyushi
    Oso!
[10:57] Oso
    Jyushi!
[10:58] Oso
    Jyushi, hang in there!
[11:00] Oso
    Jyushi!
[11:02] Jyushi
    Oso... I'm glad we were partners.
[11:07] Jyushi
    Well, this the first time I've ever
    made someone who wasn't a girl cry.
[11:14] Oso
    Jyu... Jyushi!
SIGN    No Smoking
[11:20] Oso
    Bang!
[11:22] Jyushi
    Oso!
[11:25] Jyushi
    Oso!
SIGN    No Smoking
[11:31] Oso
    Jyushi!
[11:34] Oso
    Jyushi!
SIGN    No Smoking
[11:36] Oso
    Jyushi is... Jyushi!
[11:50] Jyushi
    Dandy!
[11:51] Oso
    Sexy!
[11:53] Jyushi
    Dandy!
[11:55] Oso
    Sexy!
[11:58] Jyushi
    Oso!
[11:58] Oso
    Jyushi!
[11:59] Both
    This is so much fun!
[12:03] Todo
    How long are you gonna keep this up?!
[12:05] Choro
    Don't make me fire you!
[12:07] Both
    It doesn't matter!
[12:11] Jyushi
    Oso! Hang in there, Oso!
SIGN    Die already
[12:13] Jyushi
    Oso!
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Hide-and-Seek"
[12:21] Oso
    All right, jerks.
[12:23] Oso
    Let's play a little game of hide-and-seek.
[12:26] All
    Aye.
[12:27] Choro
    Why are we making this so ominous?
[12:30] Choro
    Hide-and-seek? But we're adults.
[12:32] Kara
    The most important thing for us NEETs...
[12:35] Kara
    is to kill time!
[12:37] Kara
    But we cannot spend any money!
[12:40] Kara
    Which leads us to...
[12:42] All
    Hide-and-seek!
[12:44] Choro
    Really, though?
[12:45] Mom
    Let's decide who's it!
[12:47] Choro
    You're playing, too, Mom?!
[12:49] All
    Rock, paper, scissors!
[12:52] All
    One more time!
[12:54] All
    One more time!
[12:56] Jyushi
    That settles it!
[12:58] Mom
    Everyone, hide!
[13:04] Choro
    One... two... three...
    four... five... six...
[13:11] Choro
    seven... eight... Are you ready?
[13:15] All
    Not just yet!
[13:18] Choro
    Are you ready?
[13:20] All
    We sure are!
[13:24] Choro
    I'm gonna find all of them if it kills me.
[13:26] Choro
    Choro-chan's not gonna
    lose to the likes of you!
[13:33] Choro
    Hide, you jackass! It's hide-and-seek!
[13:36] Kara
    My stars! It appears
    that I have been found!
[13:39] Choro
    You came here to be found.
[13:41] Choro
    Start over, and actually hide this time!
[13:43] Choro
    This is hide-and-seek!
[13:44] Kara
    Okay!
[13:47] Choro
    Are you ready?
[13:54] Kara
    Looks like you've found me yet again!
[13:56] Kara
    I'm so overflowing with star
    potential that it's impossible
[13:59] Kara
    for me to hide, even if I try!
[14:00] Kara
    Matsuno Karamatsu in "Hide-and-Seek."
[14:03] Kara
    Thank you!
[14:04] Choro
    Yeah, this isn't for you.
     You don't need to join in.
[14:09] Choro
    Huh?
[14:10] Choro
    Hide, damn it! This is hide-and-seek!
[14:12] Todo
    Huh?
[14:13] Choro
    What are you doing, Totty?
[14:15] Todo
    I got bored. You guys can
    keep playing. Do your best.
[14:19] Kara
    Hey, Brother!
[14:21] Kara
    I'm right here! Hurry up and find me!
[14:24] Choro
    Hide, damn it!
[14:34] Choro
    Never mind. I guess I'll go
    after the hardcore players.
[14:36] Choro
    I'm gonna find them...
[14:43] ---
    Huh?
[14:47] Kara
    What's up?
[14:48] Choro
    I feel a presence.
[14:51] Todo
    It's probably Ichimatsu-niisan.
[14:52] Todo
    He can completely conceal his
    presence when he wants to.
[14:56] Choro
    Really? That's not fair.
[14:58] Kara
    Ichimatsu? Are you here?
[15:01] Todo
    Ichimatsu-niisan?
[15:04] Choro
    Ichimatsu?
[15:07] Kara
    Ichimatsu? Where are you?
[15:11] Ichi
    Really? Do they really not notice me?
[15:14] Ichi
    I'm starting to feel sorta sad.
[15:16] Ichi
    Hey! I'm right here!
[15:18] Ichi
    Right here! Here!
[15:19] Ichi
    Ichimatsu is right here!
[15:21] Ichi
    I'm right here! Hey! Hurry up and find me!
[15:24] Ichi
    I love hiding and I'm good at it,
    but I don't want to actually disappear!
[15:29] Ichi
    Matsuno Ichimatsu is right here!
[15:33] Ichi
    Wait! Find me!
[15:35] Ichi
    Ichimatsu is right here...
[15:40] Todo
    Hey, it's Ichimatsu-niisan.
[15:41] Choro
    Found you!
[15:42] All
    Yay!
[15:44] Ichi
    Thank goodness...
[15:45] All
    Huh?
[15:46] Ichi
    Thank you all for finding me...
[15:49] Choro
    What's wrong? Why are you thanking us?
[15:51] Ichi
    Thanks for finding me. I'm never
    playing hide-and-seek again.
[15:55] Kara
    What's gotten into you? What happened?
[15:59] Todo
    What's that?
[16:01] Todo
    It's from Jyushimatsu-niisan.
[16:05] Todo
    Jyushimatsu-niisan says he's
    hiding somewhere over here.
[16:08] Kara
    Really? He's telling us that much?
[16:11] Ichi
    He likes hiding, but he wants to
    be found. He's like a little kid.
[16:15] Todo
    Like you can talk.
[16:17] Choro
    Jeez, where is he?
    Let's look for him together.
[16:20] All
    Yeah, let's all find him together.
[16:32] Choro
    I have no idea.
[16:34] Kara
    Jyushimatsu, we give up. Come on out.
[16:36] Jyushi
    'Kay!
[16:37] Jyushi
    I was right here!
[16:38] Choro
    There's no way we'd get that!
[16:39] Todo
    That's not fair! Give us
    back the time we wasted!
[16:41] Ichi
    Jyushimatsu, one more time.
[16:43] Jyushi
    'Kay!
[16:45] Choro
    Let's all look together!
[16:47] All
    Where's Jyushimatsu?
[16:53] Ichi
    Is he really here?
[16:56] Kara
    Where is he?
[17:00] Todo
    No idea!
[17:01] Kara
    Jyushimatsu, we give up. Come on out.
[17:04] Jyushi
    'Kay!
[17:05] Jyushi
    I was right here!
[17:06] Choro
    There's no way we'd get that!
[17:07] Todo
    That's not fair!
[17:08] Ichi
    Jyushimatsu, one more time.
[17:10] Ichi
    'Kay.
[17:20] Jyushi
    I was right here!
[17:21] Choro
    We can't tell, damn it!
[17:25] All
    He's so...
[17:30] Ichi
    Jyushimatsu? What's wrong?
[17:32] Ichi
    He's dead...
[17:33] Choro
    Wait, you're kidding,
    right? Out of nowhere?!
[17:37] Todo
    That voice... It's Mom!
[17:39] Mom
    When playing hide-and-seek,
[17:40] Mom
    it doesn't have to mean the ones
    who are hiding are always the hunted!
[17:45] Mom
    Have a taste of what it
    feels like to be hunted!
[17:49] Kara
    What are you talking about, Mom?!
[17:50] Ichi
    What it feels like to be hunted?
[17:58] Kara
    She's definitely here,
[17:59] Kara
    but we can't see her!
[18:01] Ichi
    Hey, that's—
[18:05] Ichi
    Karamatsu! This is bad!
    Karamatsu got hunted, too!
[18:26] Choro
    Take this!
[18:32] Mom
    Aw, you found me.
[18:34] Choro
    Yeah, of course. I figured this
    was what you were up to.
[18:39] Ichi
    So Osomatsu is the only one left.
[18:41] Choro
    Yeah.
[18:41] Kara
    Well, he wasn't at home.
    Where the hell is he hiding?
[18:45] Jyushi
    Hang on.
[18:48] Jyushi
    Totty's gone.
[18:49] All
    What?
SIGN    Search for Totty!
[18:51] Totty
    Search for Totty!
[18:53] Choro
    Uh, something just popped
    up. The hell is this?
SIGN    Park
[19:00] Choro
    The park? Level 5? Huh?
[19:05] Choro
    So Totty's here somewhere?
[19:08] Ichi
    I found him.
[19:09] Kara
    Me, too.
[19:09] Jyushi
    Me, too!
[19:12] Choro
    Oh, I got it! There he is!
[19:14] Choro
    Did you all find him, too?
    Let's all call his name!
[19:17] Choro
    Ready, and...
[19:19] All
    Totty!
[19:21] Todo
    Here!
[19:26] Ichi
    He's really going all-out.
[19:28] Jyushi
    That's not like him.
SIGN    Search for Totty!
[19:31] Totty
    Search for Totty!
[19:32] Choro
    We're still doing this?
SIGN    Cabbage Patch
[19:38] Choro
    Cabbage patch, level 40?
[19:44] All
    That's hard!
[19:45] kara
    This one's hardcore!
[19:46] Jyushi
    Wait, where is he?
[19:51] Choro
    Ready, and...
[19:52] All
    Totty!
[19:56] Todo
    Here!
[20:01] Ichi
    Man, Totty's giving it his all this time.
[20:04] Jyushi
    Thanks, Totty.
SIGN    Search for Totty!
[20:06] Totty
    Search for Totty!
[20:08] Choro
    That's enough. It's a pain in the ass
    to keep going to different locations.
SIGN    Mt. Takao
[20:16] Choro
    Mt. Takao?!
[20:17] All
    What?!
SIGN    Lifts
[20:28] All
    Totty!
[20:31] Sign
    Lifts
[20:31] Totty
    Hey! Totty!
SIGN    Totty!
[20:34] All
    Right.
[20:35] Ichi
    I'm beat. Let's go home.
[20:37] Todo
    Wait!
[20:38] Todo
    We forgot about Osomatsu-niisan.
[20:40] Choro
    Where the hell is he hiding?
[20:42] Todo
    I guess he's at the horse races.
[20:44] All
    The horse races?
[20:46] Choro
    What?!
[20:48] Choro
    The hell?! He's somewhere in here?
[20:50] Kara
    How did he prep this?
[20:57] Ichi
    Where is he?
[20:58] Jyushi
    Where?!
[20:59] Todo
    How many people are here, anyway?
[21:02] Kara
    I hear there's about 300.
[21:03] Todo
    That many?! Wow, who drew all these people?
[21:06] Choro
    Wait. Don't saw "drew."
[21:08] Jyushi
    Apparently, they offered
    compared to the usual key art rate.
[21:11] All
    Wow...
[21:13] Todo**
    Man, animators have it rough.
    Seriously, thanks for everything you do.
[21:17] All
    Thanks, guys!
[21:19] Ichi
    But what about the people watching
    this on their smartphones?
[21:23] Ichi
    This would be even tinier.
[21:25] Jyushi
    True.
[21:25] Choro
    Make sure you don't strain
    your eyes, everyone.
[21:28] Ichi
    Who the hell cares if we
    find Osomatsu or not?
[21:30] Kara
    Yeah, who cares? Your eyes
    are far more important!
[21:34] Oso
    I'm right here!
[21:35] Jyushi
    Hey, I hear him.
[21:36] Choro
    Where are you?
[21:38] Oso
    Right here!
[21:39] All
    Where?
[21:40] Oso
    Hurry up and find me.
[21:41] All
    What a pain in the ass!
[21:43] Kara
    Just tell us already!
[21:49] Todo
    Uh, stop laughing!
[21:51] Jyushi
    Hey! It says "End"!
SIGN    End
[21:52] Kara
    Wait! You can't just end like this!
[21:54] Kara
    Tell us where you are, Osomatsu!
[21:56] Ichi
    How are we gonna sleep?
[21:57] Choro
    Come on!
[21:58] Oso
    Oh, and I guess Dad was hiding
    somewhere in this episode, too.
[22:03] Jyushi
    Why are you telling us that now?!
[22:05] Todo
    Don't wait until it's almost over!
[22:06] Oso
    Five places.
[22:07] Todo
    That's a lot!
[22:08] Kara
    Where was he hiding?
[22:10] Choro
    And where the hell are you?!
[22:12] Oso
    See ya!
[22:14] All
    Hey, damn it!
SIGN    Next time on
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[23:46] Jyushi
    Next time on Mr. Osomatsu,
    we have "Friend."
[23:49] Jyushi
    Not to be confused with
    the bird holding the leek.
SIGN    "Friend" etc.
[23:52] Jyushi
    What?!