E3 - Tidbits Collection

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:08] Oso
    Space is awesome!
SIGN    CH O JYU
[00:15] Oso
    This is so awesome! We're in space!
[00:17] Jyu
    Zero-gravity spiral!
[00:19] Oso
    Whoa, so cool!
[00:20] ---
    Spiral!
[00:21] Oso
    The Giant Buddha of Nara.
SIGN    CH
[00:22] Choro
    That doesn't have anything to
    do with zero gravity, does it?
SIGN    O
[00:24] Oso
    You're no fun, Todomatsu.
[00:26] Jyu
    Spiral! Spiral!
[00:27] Choro
    I'm not Todomatsu, I'm Choromatsu!
[00:29] Oso
    I can't see your face, so I can't tell.
[00:31] Jyu
    Spiral!
[00:31] Cho
    Our names are written on the suits!
[00:32] Jyu
    Spiral! Spiral! Spiral!
[00:33] Cho
    Actually, I've been wondering...
[00:38] Cho
    What is this bar?
[00:39] Cho
    It seems to say "O2."
[00:41] Jyu
    Spiral! Spiral! Spiral!
[00:42] Oso
    Yay! Yeah, Space!
[00:43] Cho
    Could it mean...
SIGN    CH
[00:47] Cho
    It does mean oxygen!
[00:49] Cho
    This isn't good! We have to
    get back to the spaceship, fast!
[00:52] Cho
    Ack! It went down even faster
    because I was panicking!
[00:55] Cho
    Hey, help me!
[00:56] Cho
    I don't have any oxygen! I don't have any—
[01:01] Oso
    Choromatsu?
[01:02] Oso
    What's wrong? Hey!
[01:06] Oso
    I think... Choromatsu died.
[01:09] Jyu
    Seriously?! He already
    reached the end of his life?
[01:10] Oso
    I see. His oxygen must have run out.
[01:13] Oso
    Crap! We have to hurry back to the ship!
[01:15] Oso
    Wait, there isn't a ship!
[01:16] Jyu
    What do we do?!
[01:17] Oso
    Don't panic! Your oxygen will just run out faster.
[01:20] Jyu
    Okay, let's shut up.
SIGN    3 Minutes Later
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
[03:39] Guy
    My name is Jiguzou.
[03:42] Guy
    It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
[03:44] Ichi
    Huh? But I'm Ichimatsu.
[04:23] Guy
    My name is Jiguzou.
[04:25] Guy
    It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
[04:27] Kara
    I'm Karamatsu.
[04:40] Jigu
    Osomatsu.
[04:51] Guy
    My name is Jiguzou.
[04:53] Guy
    It's been ten years, Osomatsu.
[04:57] Oso
    Wh-Who are you? Why are you doing this?
[04:59] Guy
    All right! Yes!
[05:01] Guy
    You stupid sextuplets!
[05:04] Jigu
    It was ten years ago...
[05:06] Jigu
    When we were in the drama club, in order
    to steal the leading role from me...
[05:10] Oso
    Karamatsu was the one in the drama club.
[05:21] Guy
    My name is Jiguzou.
[05:23] Guy
    It's been ten years, Karama—
[05:24] Ichi
    I'm Ichimatsu.
[05:35] Jigu
    Nope.
SIGN    Truth
[05:45] Guy
    My name is Jiguzou.
[05:47] Guy
    It's been ten years, Karamatsu.
[05:49] Kara
    Wh-Who are you? Why are you doing this?
[05:52] Jigu
    Ten years ago, when we were in the drama club,
[05:55] Jigu
    you put bird poop in my script to
    steal the leading role from me.
[06:00] Jigu
    You will now pay for that crime.
[06:04] Kara
    You're the guy from...
[06:06] Kara
    Wait!
[06:07] Jigu
    Die!
[06:09] Kara
    The one who told me to do that was Todomatsu.
[06:14] Jigu
    This is so damn confusing!
[06:24] Jigu
    My name is Jigu—
[06:25] Ichi
    I'm Ichimatsu, you know.
[06:28] Jigu
    My bad.
[06:38] Guy
    My name is Jiguzou.
[06:40] Guy
    It's been ten years, Todo—
[06:42] Jyu
    Huh? But I'm Jyushimatsu.
[06:46] Jyu
    Wait, I'm Jyushimatsu.
[06:50] Jyu
    I'm Jyushimatsu!
[06:53] Jyu
    I'm Jyushi—
SIGN    Osomatsu
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "DQN Names"
[07:04] Host
    There you have it, ladies.
[07:06] Host
    Now for our special about the
    "DQN names" everyone is talking about.
SIGN    Hifumiya
    Special Report!
    DQN Names
    That Everyone is
    Talking About
SIGN    "DQN Names!"
[07:11] Host
    Really, there sure are some
    strange names out there.
SIGN    Daichi (Gaia)
SIGN    Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa)
SIGN    Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa) Koutei (Kaiser)
SIGN    Daichi (Gaia) Kibou (Noa) Koutei (Kaiser) Fuurin (Purin)
[07:16] Guy
    But the children are stuck with
    those names for the rest of their lives,
[07:20] Guy
    so their parents should probably
    think about it more carefully.
[07:25] Choro
    What? They're totally fine.
[07:28] Todo
    Yeah, they are.
SIGN    Karamatsu
[07:29] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    Choromatsu
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "Pachinko Police"
SIGN    Pachinko Dragon
[07:46] Todo
    Crap.
[07:47] Todo
    This isn't good.
[07:48] Todo
    I've done it now.
[07:52] Todo
    I totally just made bank on pachinko!
[07:57] Todo
    But it's still too soon to celebrate.
[07:59] Todo
    I have to protect this money
    from those filthy hyenas.
[08:04] Todo
    What should I do?!
[08:06] Todo
    Hide it under the bed?
[08:07] Todo
    No, wait, we don't have a bed!
[08:09] Todo
    Inside the closet?
[08:10] Todo
    No! The bugs will eat it!
[08:12] Todo
    Flush it down the toilet?
[08:13] Todo
    Then it's just going to waste!
[08:15] Todo
    But I can't just hold on to it!
[08:17] Todo
    Going back to that house with
    this much cash is suicide.
[08:24] Todo
    It's no use. I can't think of anything good.
[08:28] Todo
    If I keep it, my brothers will...
[08:32] Cop
    Evening!
[08:35] Cop
    What might you be doing out
    here at this hour, sir?
[08:39] Todo
    Oh, uh, I'm just out for a walk.
[08:41] Cop
    A walk? But it's midnight.
[08:45] Todo
    It's already that late?
[08:48] Todo
    I'll go home now.
    Thank you for your hard work.
[08:50] Cop
    Hold it.
[08:51] Todo
    Wha—
[08:52] Cop
    You're a bit suspicious.
[08:54] Todo
    Huh?
[08:55] Cop
    Why don't you show us what's inside that bag?
[08:58] Todo
    Why would I have to do that?
[08:59] Cop
    It's not as if we're suspecting
    you of anything...
[09:03] Cop
    But there seems to be a guy around here...
[09:06] Cop
    A scumbag who won big at pachinko,
    but wants to keep it from his older brothers.
[09:13] Todo
    Choromatsu-niisan and Ichimatsu-niisan?!
[09:15] Todo
    They already hunted me down?!
SIGN    Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!
[09:17] Guy
    Extreme Video! Pachinko Police at Midnight!!
SIGN    The Super-Skilled Older Brothers Ask For Their Share "Why Are You Trying So Hard To Hide It?!"
[09:22] Choro
    If there's nothing suspicious in it,
    you can show us, right?
[09:25] Todo
    I told you, there's nothing in here!
[09:27] Choro
    Then show us!
[09:28] Todo
    Don't touch me!
[09:30] Nar
    For whatever reason,
    the man resisted for an hour,
[09:33] Nar
    but the pachinko police never give up.
[09:38] Nar
    Head Patrol Officer Choromatsu
    calls for backup.
[09:41] Choro
    All right, you're not getting away now.
[09:44] Choro
    I'm gonna have a look.
[09:46] Nar
    This is...
[09:47] Choro
    Hm? What do we have here?
[09:50] Choro
    This came out of your bag, didn't it?
[09:53] Ichi
    If this turns blue after it's dripped
    on them, they're 10,000 yen bills.
[09:58] Nar
    It turned blue! There's no doubt about it!
[10:01] Nar
    They're 10,000 yen bills!
[10:02] Nar
    And then...
[10:04] Todo
    Damn it!
[10:04] Ichi
    Hey! Hold it!
[10:05] Nar
    The man fled.
[10:07] Ichi
    Urgent! Urgent!
[10:08] Ichi
    Squads 1 and 2!
[10:09] Ichi
    The suspect has fled!
    I repeat, the suspect has fled!
[10:12] Ichi
    Given how panicked he is, he seems
    to have several more 10,000 yen bills.
[10:15] Oso
    This is Squad 2. Roger. We'll flank
    him at the Akatsuka Apartments.
[10:19] Choro
    Found him!
[10:20] Oso
    There he is!
[10:26] Oso
    You stupid youngest brother! Hold still!
[10:28] Choro
    Get the handcuffs!
SIGN    1:25AM Suspect Arrested
SIGN    Suspected of Concealing Pachinko Winnings
[10:33] Todo
    Lemme go! All I did was win at pachinko!
[10:38] Nar
    The pachinko police!
[10:40] Nar
    As long as one of their
    brothers wins at pachinko,
[10:43] Nar
    their night will never end!
[10:46] Oso
    Let's go get some sushi.
[10:48] All
    Yeah!
[10:49] Jyu
    Aroo!
SIGN    Ichimatsu
[10:50] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
[11:04] Nar
    Japan.
SIGN    "Please Let Me Sleep"
[11:09] Todo
    Okay, I'm shutting it off.
[11:19] Choro
    What are you doing?
[11:20] Jyu
    Don't you ever want to move
    around before you go to sleep?
[11:23] Choro
    No. I have to get up early tomorrow,
    so stop it. I can't slee—
[11:26] Jyu
    Meow!
[11:27] Choro
    Shut up!
[11:28] Todo
    What the heck?
[11:30] Todo
    You're too noisy, Choromatsu-niisan.
[11:32] Choro
    It's not me! Jyushimatsu was...
[11:36] Choro
    How? How does that even work?
[11:38] Kara
    If you're having trouble sleeping,
    want me to sing you a lullaby?
[11:40] Todo
    I'm turning it off.
[11:41] Kara
    Huh?
[11:59] Choro
    Seriously, how does that even work?!
[12:02] Choro
    Why?!
[12:07] Choro
    I told you, I have to get up early tomorrow!
[12:17] Todo
    Oh, come on!
[12:18] Todo
    Quit being so noisy!
[12:19] Choro
    You're totally doing that on purpose!
    You're totally awake, aren't you?!
[12:22] Oso
    What? Food?
[12:24] Choro
    I have to get up early
    tomorrow, so let me sleep!
[12:30] Kara
    If you're having trouble sleeping,
    want me to sing you a lulla—
[12:32] Todo
    I'm turning it off.
[12:33] Kara
    Huh?
[12:37] Todo
    Choromatsu-niisan.
[12:40] Todo
    I gotta go to the bathroom.
[12:42] Choro
    How old are you? You can go to the
    bathroom at night by yourself.
[12:47] Choro
    And he's taking a dump.
[12:48] Choro
    Not that it matters, but somehow
    that pisses me off even more.
[12:53] Choro
    I beg you, just let me sleep.
[12:55] Choro
    I have to get up early tomorrow.
[13:03] Choro
    Why?! I said we're going to bed!
[13:06] Oso
    One, two...
[13:07] Choro
    No, seriously.
[13:10] Choro
    I'm kicking out the next
    person to cause a fuss!
[13:23] Choro
    What the hell have you been eating, Ichimatsu?!
[13:27] Choro
    Come on, just let me sleep!
[13:33] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[13:34] Choro
    Seriously?
[13:37] Choro
    It's not Jyushimatsu?
[13:55] Choro
    What the hell is this mystery?!
[13:57] Choro
    I just want to sleep!
SIGN    Jyushimatsu
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    Secret Fishing
SIGN    (Secret Fishing)
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Todomatsu
SIGN    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "October 31st"
SIGN    How to Properly Brush Your Overbite
SIGN    If you brush your overbite like so, it'll continue to shine
[15:13] Guy
    And so, if you brush your
    teeth for 45 minutes a day...
[15:18] Iyami
    All right, all right, I'm coming.
[15:21] Iyami
    If you knock that hard, you'll break the door.
[15:24] Iyami
    Who is it?
[15:27] All
    Trick or treat!
[15:29] Iyami
    What?
[15:30] Oso
    Trick or treat!
[15:32] Iyami
    Oh, is it Halloween today?
[15:34] Oso
    Trick or treat!
[15:36] Iyami
    I don't have any candy.
[15:38] Oso
    Trick or treat!
[15:39] Iyami
    I told you—
[15:40] All
    Trick or treat!
[15:41] All
    Trick or treat!
[15:44] All
    Trick or treat!
SIGN    How to Properly Brush Your Overbite
SIGN    See? Look how white it is!!
[15:46] Iyami
    All right, fine!
[15:48] Iyami
    Here.
[15:49] All
    Trick or treat!
[15:51] Iyami
    That's all I've got. Don't come back again.
[15:52] All
    Trick or treat!
[15:55] Iyami
    For crying out loud, what an annoying holiday.
[15:58] Iyami
    Those stupid, good-for-nothing sextuplets...
[16:01] All
    Trick or treat. Trick or treat.
[16:03] All
    Trick or treat. Trick or treat.
[16:03] Iyami
    Sheeh!
[16:05] Iyami
    What the hell are you doing?! That's not candy!
[16:08] Iyami
    Hey! Stop! This isn't how Halloween works!
[16:13] Iyami
    Someone, help! Thieves!
[16:20] Iyami
    I've been visited by demons.
[16:23] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "Bath House Quiz"
[16:29] Oso
    Fight for the coffee milk! Osomatsu Quiz!
[16:34] Oso
    All right, Choromatsu-san.
    How are you feeling right now?
[16:39] Choro
    I have no idea what's going on.
[16:40] Oso
    Oh, are you nervous?
[16:42] Choro
    No, I don't know what's going on.
[16:44] Oso
    If you win, you'll get coffee milk
    to enjoy right after your bath!
[16:49] Choro
    No need. I can buy it myself.
[16:50] Oso
    All right, here we go! Question one!
[16:56] Oso
    Whose wiener is this?
[16:58] Choro
    Why do I have to guess that?!
[17:00] Oso
    Take a good look.
[17:01] Choro
    No way!
[17:02] Oso
    Remember everyone's wieners!
[17:03] Choro
    That's disgusting!
[17:05] Oso
    They can't hold their breath much longer!
[17:06] Oso
    Let's have your answer.
[17:08] Choro
    Jyushimatsu?
[17:09] Oso
    Jyushimatsu!
[17:10] Oso
    The correct answer is...
[17:13] Oso
    Too bad, it was Karamatsu!
[17:16] Choro
    No, seriously, what the hell?
[17:18] Oso
    Question number two!
[17:19] Choro
    Can I go home now?!
[17:22] Oso
    Of the following,
    which is Karamatsu's wiener?
[17:25] Choro
    Uh, isn't there one extra?
[17:27] Choro
    You actually found someone to help you
    with the worst quiz in the world?!
[17:30] Oso
    Your answer!
[17:32] Choro
    The one on the far left.
[17:33] Oso
    The far left!
[17:34] Oso
    The correct answer is...
[17:36] Oso
    Too bad! It was actually the far right!
[17:39] Choro
    Seriously, who is that on the left?!
[17:40] Choro
    That concerns me more than anything!
[17:42] Oso
    All right, question number three!
[17:42] Choro
    That's enough!
[17:44] Oso
    What ethnicity does this wiener belong to?
[17:46] Choro
    Where the hell did you get that foreigner?!
[17:48] Oso
    A: Japanese. B: American. C: African.
[17:52] Choro
    C: African!
[17:53] Oso
    And the correct answer is...
[17:56] Oso
    Too bad! It was A: Japanese!
[17:59] Choro
    The one you'd least expect?!
[18:00] Choro
    You've really grown, Hatabou...
[18:02] Oso
    Question number four!
[18:03] Choro
    When is this going to end?
[18:06] Oso
    What could this be?
[18:08] Choro
    What do you mean, "what"?
    It's a wiener, right?
[18:10] Oso
    Correct! Question number five!
[18:12] Choro
    Was that necessary?!
[18:13] Oso
    One day, a lone Todomatsu came walking by.
[18:17] Oso
    Then from the other way
    came a lone Ichimatsu.
[18:21] Oso
    And then came Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu...
[18:24] Oso
    All right! How many does that make?!
[18:26] Choro
    There are only four,
    no matter how you look at it!
[18:29] Oso
    The end!
[18:30] Oso
    Make sure you watch again next week!
[18:32] Choro
    Stop it! Stop shaking your wieners!
[18:34] Choro
    Stop it!
SIGN    Next Time on Osomatsu-san
[20:07] Choro
    Hey, this is Choromatsu.
[20:08] Choro
    Next time on Osomatsu-san, it's "Let's
    Become Independent" and "This Is Totoko."
[20:13] Choro
    Finally, the Totoko-chan episode!
[20:16] Choro
    You're so cute, Totoko!
SIGN    "Let's Become Independent" "This Is Totoko"
[20:18] Choro
    Totoko, you're so cute! Totoko!