E7 - Tidbits Collection 3

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:40] Totty
    Huh?
[01:41] Chibi
    Yeah, uh, could I get a cut and a dye job?
SIGN    "Salon"
[01:44] Totty
    C-C... Cut?
[01:46] Totty
    A-And a dye job?
[01:55] Totty
    P-Pardon me...
[02:10] Totty
    All done.
[02:14] Chibi
    Thanks!
[02:23] Totty
    Is this really okay?!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[02:32] Uggo
    Please stop crying.
SIGN    "Stand Up"
[02:33] Uggo
    Mommy will be home soon.
[02:37] Uggo
    See? Here she is now.
[02:45] Both
    We're back...
[02:52] Toto
    She stood up!
[02:53] Nyaa
    She stood up!
[02:54] Toto
    Congrats!
[02:55] Nyaa
    Thanks!
[02:58] Uggo
    Uh, you guys got the wrong idea.
SIGN    End
SIGN    Totoko
SIGN    Nyaa
[03:12] Totty
    Houston, this is M36.
[03:14] Totty
    We will be arriving at the ISS momentarily.
[03:17] Totty
    Requesting permission to dock.
[03:19] Kara
    Houston here, roger.
[03:21] Kara
    Permission to dock granted.
[03:25] Totty
    Well, it's finally time.
[03:26] Choro
    Yeah. Everyone back on
    Earth is counting on us.
[03:32] Choro
    And for everyone who supported us...
[03:36] Choro
    We need to make sure this is a success.
[03:38] Totty
    Right!
[03:40] Totty
    I see it!
[03:41] Choro
    So that must be it.
[03:42] Totty
    Yes.
[03:43] Choro
    All right.
[03:45] Choro
    Prepare for docking.
[04:00] Totty
    H-Hey, wait a sec! Stop! Stop!
[04:02] Choro
    What is it?
[04:03] Totty
    The shapes are totally different!
[04:05] Totty
    There's no way we can dock!
[04:09] Choro
    Wait... We've got the right
    space station, right?
[04:12] Totty
    Yes.
[04:13] Choro
    Hey, Riceballs. Is this the right one?
[04:15] Omu
    Yes. This is definitely the
    correct space station.
[04:19] Choro
    That's strange. Let's confirm with Houston.
[04:22] Totty
    Sure.
[04:23] Choro
    Houston, this is M36. We have an emergency.
[04:27] Kara
    What's wrong?
[04:28] Choro
    We just got to the space station, but our
    connector parts seem completely different.
[04:35] Kara
    Let me see...
[04:38] Kara
    Actually, I think you can just make it.
[04:40] Choro
    You think so?
[04:41] Todo
    No way.
[04:41] Kara
    The key is to tell yourself you can do it!
[04:43] Choro
    Good point.
[04:44] Todo
    No, it's not.
[04:45] Kara
    Believe in the strength
    that lies within you!
[04:47] Kara
    Then a miracle is sure to happen!
[04:51] Choro
    All right.
[04:52] Totty
    What?!
[04:53] Kara
    Good luck!
[04:54] Todo
    Hey! Stop! Stop!
[04:57] Todo
    Huh? Are you seriously going to dock?
[05:00] Choro
    Yeah.
[05:00] Todo
    It's not going to fit.
[05:02] Choro
    A miracle will happen if you
    just believe in yourself.
[05:04] Todo
    That's idealism!
[05:05] Todo
    That's the last thing that works in space!
[05:07] Choro
    Huh? Then... should we confirm
    with Washington, too?
[05:10] Todo
    Yeah, please do.
[05:12] Choro
    Washington, this is M36.
[05:15] Oso
    'Sup? Did you find some cute aliens?
[05:19] Choro
    Let's ask the president.
[05:20] Todo
    Yeah.
[05:22] Choro
    White House, this is M36.
[05:26] Choro
    We can only count on our friends now.
[05:28] Todo
    Ain't that the truth?
SIGN    Choromatsu & Todomatsu Congratulations!
SIGN    Congratulations
    on Your
    Successful
     Mission
[05:32] All
    Congratulations on your successful mission!
SIGN    Choromatsu & Todomatsu Congratulations!
SIGN    Congratulations
    on Your
    Successful
     Mission
[05:36] Toto
    You're so amazing, Choromatsu-kun!
    Todomatsu-kun!
[05:39] Dad
    We're so proud of you boys!
[05:41] Mom
    Well done, you two!
SIGN    Choromatsu & Todomatsu Congratulations!
SIGN    Congratulations
    on Your
    Successful
     Mission
[05:44] Jyushi
    Let's all celebrate once
    you get back to Earth!
[05:48] Todo
    Jeez, they're all really jumping the gun.
[05:51] Todo
    They already think we succeeded.
[05:53] Todo
    But what can we do?
[05:56] Todo
    Let's head back for now
    and think this through fully.
[05:59] Todo
    Huh? Hey, wait!
[06:01] Choro
    We can't just turn back now.
     We have to do this.
[06:04] Todo
    Wait, wait, wait, wait!
[06:06] Choro
    I can do this. I can do this.
     I can do this. I can.
[06:08] Todo
    No, you can't! Some things
    just aren't possible!
[06:13] Todo
    Wait, it's scraping! It's scraping!
[06:15] Todo
    It's scraping!
[06:22] Choro
    Go on! Get in there!
[06:24] Todo
    This isn't docking anymore!
[06:26] Choro
    Go on! Get in there!
SIGN    END
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[06:43] Iyami
    Me is late...
SIGN    "The Night Path"
[06:45] Iyami
    Me is from France.
    Why must me go through this?
[06:50] Iyami
    It's past 2 AM... What a creepy time.
[06:53] Iyami
    Me needs to get home fast.
[06:58] Iyami
    I-It's a kappa...
[07:12] Hata
    Jo...
[07:13] Iyami
    It's an azukiarai!
[07:15] Hata
    Jo!
[07:28] Iyami
    A rokurokubi!
[07:39] Iyami
    An amabie!
[07:51] Iyami
    A nopperabou!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    The Master of Wit, Chibikyuu
SIGN    Episode Director: Kodaka Yoshiki Script: Matsubara Shuu Art: Tamura Seiki
[08:35] Dayon
    Halt!
SIGN    You Shall Not Pass
[08:38] Dayon
    You can't cross this bridge!
SIGN    You Shall Not Pass
[08:44] Chibi
    Aw, come on.
[08:46] Osoma
    Chibikyuu-san!
[09:16] Chibi
    Got it! I won't pass this bridge!
[09:20] Dayon
    Head on home, then!
[09:24] Osoma
    Huh? Protein?
[09:28] Osoma
    Chibikyuu-san?
[09:39] Osoma
    Wha?!
[09:51] Osoma
    He's putting his left foot forward before
    his right foot reaches the ground,
[09:54] Osoma
    and his right foot forward before
    his left foot reaches the ground.
[09:57] Osoma
    This is the product of
    mastery of leg strength...
[10:00] Osoma
    "Walking in the Air."
[10:03] Osoma
    He is clearly not crossing the bridge,
[10:05] Osoma
    which means no one can complain.
[10:12] Chibi
    I apologize for the fuss.
[10:14] Toto
    I-It's all right.
[10:21] Osoma
    Way to go, Master of Wit!
[10:25] Toto
    Wit?
[10:30] Iyami
    Welcome, Chibikyuu-dono.
[10:32] Iyami
    Karaemon, prepare the goods.
[10:35] Kara
    Yes, sir.
[10:37] Hata
    Jo...
[10:39] Iyami
    Chibikyuu-dono, I'd like you
    to catch this tiger.
[10:54] Osoma
    So fast!
[10:55] Osoma
    Again with the protein!
[11:04] Chibi
    Here we go!
[11:14] Ichi
    What the hell is that shrimp doing?!
[11:16] Jyushi
    Did he lose his mind?
[11:19] Kara
    No, that's not it.
[11:20] All
    Huh?
[11:21] Kara
    I can see it! I can see it clearly!
[11:23] Kara
    I can see that savage tiger
    attacking the shrimp!
[11:28] Iyami
    This is...
[11:29] Osoma
    Never underestimate the imagination
    of a top-class martial artist.
[11:33] Osoma
    Their keen senses of concentration
[11:34] Osoma
    can produce a shadow more
    realistic than reality itself!
[11:41] Chibi
    You idjit! Pay attention!
[11:44] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[11:55] Osoma
    Master of Wit!
[11:58] Toto
    Huh?!
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Matsuzou's Job"
[12:01] Dad
    Off I go!
[12:05] Ichi
    So, like... Dad pretty much supports
    our household on his own, right?
[12:10] Oso
    Yeah.
[12:10] Ichi
    But we don't know what his job is, do we?
[12:14] Oso
    No.
[12:15] Ichi
    Let's go see what he does.
[12:17] Oso
    Yeah.
SIGN    Matsu Matsu Trading
[12:20] Ichi
    So this is where he works.
[12:22] Oso
    Huh...
SIGN    Be Quiet
SIGN    Be Quiet
[12:30] Oso
    This is basically an office
    you'd see anywhere.
[12:33] Oso
    Talk about déjà vu.
[12:34] Ichi
    I wonder what his job actually is.
[12:36] Oso
    Yeah, I have no idea.
[12:42] Oso
    What? Wait, why?
[12:48] Oso
    He put it back.
[12:54] Both
    What?
[12:56] Prez
    Matsuno-kun, good work.
[12:58] Oso
    He just gave him money.
[13:01] Oso
    What kind of job is this?
[13:04] Ichi
    I wonder what he's making.
[13:07] Ichi
    What is that?
[13:11] Both
    Huh?!
[13:15] Oso
    Stop hanging up. Answer it.
[13:19] Oso
    Why is he dancing?
[13:21] Prez
    Matsuno-kun, good work.
[13:26] Oso
    Seriously, what is his job?
[13:31] Dad
    I'm tired. I'm so tired!
[13:35] Both
    Huh?
[13:41] Ichi
    He froze?
[13:44] Both
    Huh? Wha?
[13:47] Both
    That's creepy! That's super creepy!
[13:54] ---
    He finally answered it.
[13:56] Dad
    sdkjhjfkdskjds
[13:57] Dad
    alkdjfoirnkolerngfkj
[14:01] Dad
    alskdjlakdoijfomk
[14:04] Dad
    Matsuzou finish!
[14:06] Both
    Holy shit!
[14:09] Ichi
    Hey, he's going somewhere.
[14:14] Oso
    Why's he climbing the side of a building?
[14:22] Oso
    Wait, is Dad some kind of assassin?
[14:25] Ichi
    Seriously?
[14:41] Prez
    Matsuno-kun, you're promoted
    to section chief as of tomorrow.
[14:43] Dad
    Yes! Yes, yes, heck yes!
[14:45] Ichi
    Huh?!
SIGN    End
[14:46] Dad
    Yes! Yes, yes, heck yes!
[14:46] Oso
    I have no idea what's going on.
SIGN    Master of Wit
    Chibikyuu
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[14:56] Kara
    Wow... Do that one more time, Riceballs.
SIGN    "Voice Function"
[15:02] Salmon
    I'm Jyushimatsu!
[15:05] Plum
    I'm the cute youngest brother, Totty!
[15:08] Salmon
    I'm Hatabou, jo.
[15:10] Plum
    Dayon!
[15:12] Kara
    You guys sound just like them!
    What the heck?
[15:15] Salmon
    This is our voice function.
[15:16] Salmon
    We AI can recreate any
    voice we've heard once.
[15:21] Salmon
    Are you happy?
[15:23] Plum
    Are you satisfied?
[15:25] Kara
    I mean... Wow, that startled me.
[15:27] Choro
    Yeah.
[15:30] Kara
    What's up, Choromatsu?
[15:32] Choro
    H-Hey, Riceballs... Is there any chance
    you can do Totoko-chan's voice, too?
[15:36] Both
    Why, yes! Of course!
[15:38] Kara
    Seriously?!
[15:39] Kara
    Then if we request a line, you'll be
    able to say it in Totoko-chan's voice?
[15:43] Both
    Yes!
[15:43] Kara
    Seriously?!
[15:44] Choro
    Seriously?!
[15:45] Both
    Then, then, hey!
[15:46] Kara
    Is this really okay?
[15:48] Choro
    Yeah, I'm not sure.
[15:50] Kara
    This may go against our morals.
[15:51] Choro
    Especially if you think about
    Totoko-chan's feelings.
[15:54] Kara
    Maybe we shouldn't.
[15:57] Kara
    Maybe just once.
[15:58] Choro
    Yeah, just once.
[16:01] Choro
    First, why don't we have her say our names?
[16:04] Kara
    Our names... That's a perfect line.
    Let's go with that.
[16:08] Choro
    Riceballs, could you say my
    name in Totoko-chan's voice?
[16:13] Salmon
    Choromatsu-kun.
[16:16] Kara
    Me, too!
[16:18] Plum
    Karamatsu-kun.
[16:20] Both
    Thanks for saying our names, Totoko-chan!
[16:24] Both
    We're so sorry, Totoko-chan!
[16:29] Kara
    Wanna try just one more time?
[16:30] Choro
    Just once more.
[16:33] Kara
    Hmm... What should our next line be?
[16:36] Choro
    How about this?
[16:38] Choro
    I love you.
[16:39] Kara
    What?! We're already going that far?!
[16:42] Kara
    Is that really okay?! Is anyone watching?!
[16:44] Choro
    This is just for good measure!
[16:45] Kara
    Good measure! Yeah!
[16:48] Salmon
    I love you.
[16:52] Plum
    I love you.
[16:53] Kara
    I-I felt that one!
[16:55] Choro
    I feel so full!
[16:57] Kara
    Once more!
[16:58] Salmon
    I love you.
[16:59] Plum
    I love you.
[17:00] Kara
    Could you add our names before that line?
[17:02] Salmon
    Karamatsu-kun, I love you.
[17:05] Plum
    Choromatsu-kun, I love you.
[17:07] Choro
    I'm going to fly! So high!
[17:09] Kara
    You already are.
[17:11] Choro
    So are you, though!
[17:13] Both
    We're so sorry, Totoko-chan!
[17:17] Kara
    Wanna try just one more time?
[17:19] Choro
    Just once more.
[17:21] Choro
    What should our next line be?
[17:24] ---
    ...thing... ris...
[17:25] Choro
    Huh? Say what?
[17:26] Kara
    Something risqué...
[17:28] Choro
    Huh?
[17:28] Kara
    Something risqué...
[17:30] Choro
    Risqué? What do you mean?
[17:32] Kara
    I mean, you know... s-something dirty...
[17:35] Choro
    Huh? Just spit it out already.
[17:39] Kara
    You're an ass, you know that?!
    You know exactly what I'm saying!
[17:41] Kara
    You just don't want to say it yourself!
[17:43] Choro
    I have no idea what you're talking about!
    What do you want to hear Totoko-chan say?
[17:47] Kara
    You know! Something involving our dicks!
[17:50] Choro
    Is this really okay?!
    No one's watching, are they?!
[17:52] Kara
    Hey!
[17:53] Choro
    Hey!
[17:56] Choro
    Yeah, we probably shouldn't do that.
[18:00] Kara
    Yeah, I know... But we want
    to go as far as we can...
[18:03] Choro
    I get it! Something that's within our
    moral boundaries and still dirty.
[18:07] Choro
    I wonder what it should be...
[18:10] Kara
    Hey, how about this?
[18:12] Kara
    Bukkake udon.
[18:14] Choro
    No, that's too dirty. You went too far.
[18:15] Kara
    I see.
[18:17] Choro
    Hey, what about this?
[18:18] Choro
    Privatization of Reclaimed
    Lands in Perpetuity Act.
[18:20] Kara
    Why do you want her to say that?
[18:22] Choro
    No?
[18:23] Kara
    How about this? Coccyx.
[18:25] Choro
    How about this? Essex.
[18:27] Kara
    Shabu-shabu.
[18:28] Choro
    Mastication.
[18:30] Kara
    Stimulated emission.
[18:31] Choro
    Cummingtonite.
[18:32] Kara
    Formication.
[18:33] Choro
    Direct Opposing Rook.
[18:35] Kara
    Lickety-split.
[18:36] Choro
    Cockchafer.
[18:38] Choro
    It's no use. We've gone in so many circles,
    I don't know what's safe anymore.
[18:42] Kara
    Let's stop messing around.
[18:45] Kara
    I feel bad for Totoko-chan.
[18:46] Choro
    Yeah.
[18:47] Choro
    Let's stop.
[18:52] Both
    We're done!
[18:54] Kara
    Riceballs...
[18:55] Kara
    Read this clearly and with
    passion in Totoko-chan's voice!
[18:59] Salmon
    Are you sure?
[19:00] Choro
    Yes! We're trash! This is fine!
[19:04] Both
    All right.
[19:06] Salmon
    Here we go.
[19:08] Salmon
    Coc—
[19:10] Salmon
    Vagi— An—
[19:12] Kara
    We're sorry!
[19:13] Choro
    We're sorry!
[19:14] Salmon
    —me harder! Harder—
[19:16] Kara
    We're sorry!
[19:17] Choro
    We're sorry!
[19:19] Omu
    Fu—
[19:20] Omu
    Mast—
[19:21] Omu
    Play with my—
[19:22] Omu
    In the—
[19:23] Omu
    Harder—
[19:24] Omusu
    Pussy—
[19:27] Salmon
    There you have it.
[19:28] Salmon
    Are you happy?
[19:30] Plum
    Are you satisfied?
[19:39] Both
    They're dead.
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Governor Jyushimatsu"
[19:46] Sign
    Let's Stand Firm,
    Jyushimatsu Prefecture
[19:47] Guy
    We will now begin this routine
    press conference with the
[19:50] Guy
    Governor of Jyushimatsu
    Prefecture, Jyushimatsu.
[19:53] Guy
    We'll have time for a Q&A later.
SIGN    Come on over to Jyushimatsu Prefecture Tourism Promotion Campaign
[19:56] Guy
    Governor, if you will.
[20:02] Guy
    Governor.
[20:06] Guy
    Governor?
[20:09] Guy
    Governor, if you will...
[20:11] Jyushi
    Governor, if you will.
[20:13] Guy
    No, you're the governor.
[20:14] Jyushi
    Huh? The governor?
[20:15] Guy
    Yes.
[20:16] Jyushi
    Governor?
[20:17] Guy
    No.
[20:18] Jyushi
    Governor?
[20:19] Guy
    Yes.
[20:20] Jyushi
    Governor!
[20:23] Guy
    Please don't touch the mic,
    Governor. Governor.
[20:29] Guy
    Please remove that, Governor.
[20:31] Guy
    Please go ahead with this
    week's announcements.
[20:34] Jyushi
    Ahem.
[20:38] Guy
    Governor.
[20:40] Guy
    Governor.
[20:42] Guy
    Please don't touch the mic, Governor.
[20:43] Guy
    Please go ahead with this
    week's announcements.
[20:46] Jyushi
    Ahem.
[20:48] Jyushi
    Well, it seems that the
    people of our prefecture
[20:52] Jyushi
    have been very vocal, detailed, and rather
    bold regarding their regrets lately,
[20:58] Jyushi
    and I thought, "Oh, no. Oh, no, no."
[21:01] Jyushi
    I regretfully understand how bad this is,
[21:04] Jyushi
    but while we're on the subject,
    or maybe we're not on the subject at all.
[21:08] Jyushi
    In regards to the regrets, I fundamentally
    wholeheartedly understand
[21:13] Jyushi
    this comprehensible untrodden intent and,
    concerning the allegations,
[21:19] Jyushi
    I strive to be bold as well as detailed,
[21:22] Jyushi
    vague, hateful, yet unbelievable poker face.
SIGN    Come on over to
    Jyushimatsu Prefecture
    Tourism Promotion
     Campaign
[21:26] Jyushi
    That ends well all's well is.
[21:28] ---
    Let's Stand Firm,
    Jyushimatsu Prefecture
[21:29] Jyushi
    Nope.
[21:30] Jyushi
    All's well that ends well.
[21:32] Jyushi
    That's not quite right, either.
[21:35] Jyushi
    As for everyone in the prefecture,
[21:38] Jyushi
    I hope that you will warmly respect today,
[21:41] Jyushi
    never truly devoting yourself to the cause,
[21:44] Jyushi
    and I fundamentally, symbolically,
    unabashedly want to eat some offal.
[21:49] Jyushi
    But while I regret to reform
    you about your regrets,
[21:54] Jyushi
    it cannot be helped to the point
    that help cannot be helped
[21:57] Jyushi
    and therefore, cannot be helped.
[22:01] Jyushi
    So I hope that you will all praise so-and-so
    Kamehameha James Rodriguez.
[22:07] Jyushi
    Thank you very much for watching today!
[22:12] Guy
    Governor! Governor!
[22:15] Guy
    How the hell did you get elected?!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Next time on
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "To the South" etc.