E13 - End of the Year

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "Have a Wonderful New Year"
[00:13] Choro
    It's the end of the year.
[00:15] Oso
    Sure is.
[00:17] Choro
    It went by fast.
[00:19] Oso
    Sure did.
[00:21] Choro
    It was a great year.
[00:23] Oso
    Sure was.
[00:26] Choro
    We slept, woke up, ate, played pachinko,
    went to horse races, played mahjong,
[00:30] Choro
    went to a bathhouse, drank booze,
    got drunk, fapped, and went to bed.
[00:34] Choro
    What a fulfilling year.
[00:36] Choro
    Is it really okay that we just
    keep living such blissful lives?
[00:39] Oso
    I'm sure it is.
[00:45] Choro
    Of course it's not! Are you stupid?!
[00:47] Choro
    You stupid moron!
[00:48] Oso
    What? What the heck's going on?
    Talk about scary.
[00:51] Choro
    We didn't do a damn thing again this year!
[00:53] Choro
    We haven't progressed at all! No changes!
[00:56] Choro
    When I was a kid, I thought people
    our age were more mature.
[01:02] Choro
    I guess we're still children,
    no matter how old we get.
[01:05] Choro
    And failures will always be failures.
[01:09] Oso
    Don't worry. There's still time.
[01:12] Choro
    Huh?
[01:13] Oso
    I mean, there's still a little bit of time
    before the year's over, right?
[01:17] Oso
    If we hurry up and do something good,
[01:19] Oso
    we can say this was a good year.
[01:23] Choro
    I get it.
[01:24] Choro
    All's well that ends well.
[01:26] Oso
    Exactly.
[01:27] Choro
    But what's something good that we can do?
[01:33] Oso
    If we can rid the world of
    one more shitty person...
[01:35] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[01:39] Choro
    If that's the least we can do...
[01:42] Both
    This is our good deed!
[01:44] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[01:52] Both
    And now for us!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Lottery
[03:28] Oso
    What?
[03:29] Oso
    Come on, let's buy one, Ichimatsu-chan.
SIGN    "Year-End Jumbo Lottery"
[03:31] Ichi
    Nope.
[03:32] Oso
    We'll definitely win.
[03:33] Ichi
    We won't.
[03:34] Oso
    We will!
[03:35] Ichi
    We won't.
[03:36] Oso
    We will!
[03:37] Ichi
    We won't.
[03:38] Oso
    We will!
[03:39] Oso
    Look at that stand over there!
SIGN    Big Winner! 600 million yen End of the Century Jumbo
SIGN    Ultra Winner! 1st prize: 100 million yen Cream Jumbo
SIGN    Big Winner! 1st prize: 300 million yen Year 200X Autumn Jumbo
[03:41] Oso
    Look at all those first prizes!
[03:43] Oso
    We'll definitely win!
[03:45] Ichi
    Everyone else might win, but I won't.
[03:48] Oso
    But you will!
[03:49] Ichi
    I won't. I know this.
[03:53] Oso
    Ichimatsu-chan!
[04:06] Kara
    Ichimatsu.
[04:09] Kara
    Ichimatsu, this way.
[04:13] Kara
    This way.
[04:15] Ichi
    Huh?
[04:23] Kara
    This way.
[04:28] Kara
    This way, this way.
[04:33] Kara
    This way.
[04:47] Kara
    There. Take a look at that.
SIGN    Lottery
SIGN    Lottery
SIGN    Big Winner
SIGN    Achieve your dreams!
SIGN    You'll win if you buy!!
[04:53] Kara
    What do you think of that stand?
[04:55] Ichi
    What's with that stand? It reeks of danger.
[04:58] Kara
    But that's why it's so interesting.
[05:00] Kara
    We might actually win if we buy from there.
[05:02] Ichi
    But it's dangerous.
[05:04] Kara
    We've got to take some risks
    if we want to strike it rich.
[05:09] Ichi
    We going?
[05:10] Ichi
    Let's go.
[05:13] Kara
    Excuse us!
[05:14] Ichi
    A lottery ticket, please!
[05:18] Both
    I knew it!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "New Year's Fest"
[05:30] Toto
    What the hell, Japan?
    What's wrong with you, Japan?
[05:33] Toto
    I managed to get through Christmas
    alone again this year!
[05:36] Toto
    I got through with my steel heart!
[05:38] Toto
    So why the hell are you
    guys living it up with this
[05:40] Toto
    New Year's Fest at the end of the year?
[05:43] Toto
    What the hell is a New Year's Fest?!
[05:44] Toto
    This is Japan! Have a quiet New Year's!
[05:47] Toto
    Just stay at home!
SIGN    New Year's Festival
    Party People
    Kaboom!
[05:49] Toto
    If I'm asked if I want to go to a
    New Year's Fest, this is what I'll say...
[05:53] Toto
    I do!
[05:54] Toto
    I'm super interested!
[05:56] Toto
    A New Year's Fest seems like so much fun!
[05:58] Toto
    Like hell, Japan! You dumbasses!
[06:01] Toto
    This isn't a sideshow!
[06:02] Toto
    I'm telling you to stay home
    at the end of the year! Got it?!
[06:05] Toto
    Have a wonderful New Year!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Pounding Mochi"
[07:11] Dayon
    Huh?
[07:13] Dayon
    Huh? Dekapan...
[07:16] Dayon
    Dekapan's gone...
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Playing in the Snow"
[07:30] Chibita
    What the heck?
[07:32] Chibita
    Hey, what are you guys making? An igloo?
[07:39] Chibi
    How stupid.
[07:41] Chibi
    You're adults now. Quit playing
    in the snow, you idjits.
[07:54] Jyu
    We did it!
[07:57] Oso
    Yay!
[07:58] Jyu
    Yay!
[08:01] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjits!
[08:02] Chibi
    Damn it!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Playing in the Snow 2"
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "Kasa Jizou Statues"
[08:41] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[08:43] Iyami
    Me doesn't want to be poor!
[08:45] Iyami
    Me wants to eat mochi, drink alcohol,
    and be extravagant on New Year's Eve!
[08:49] Iyami
    Me is so sick of being poor!
[08:52] Hata
    Now, dear, don't worry, jo.
[08:55] Hata
    I made all of these straw
    hats this year, jo.
[08:58] Hata
    I'll sell them in town and make lots of money
    so we can have a fun New Year's, jo.
[09:05] Hata
    Jo.
[09:06] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[09:08] Hata
    Jo!
[09:11] Iyami
    Hurry up and go sell them!
[09:19] Hata
    Jo?
[09:22] Hata
    Jizou statues, jo! Thank you for all your
    hard work, even in this cold weather, jo.
[09:26] Hata
    Namu.
[09:39] Hata
    Jo?
[09:44] Hata
    Jo.
[09:47] Choro
    Hey, you should leave some
    of those straw hats for us.
[09:49] Oso
    If you leave some for us,
    I bet something good will happen.
[09:52] ichi
    Like we'd repay the debt.
[09:53] Jyushi
    It'd be a good deed.
[09:54] Oso
    Okay?
[09:54] Kara
    Haven't you heard this story before?
[09:58] Hata
    Jo...
[10:04] Hata
    Jo.
[10:14] Hata
    I did it, jo! Now the wife and I
    can have a fun New Year's, jo.
[10:19] Hata
    Jo?
[10:21] Kara
    That looks good. I'm starving.
[10:24] Choro
    I want some alcohol, too.
[10:26] Oso
    If you leave some for us,
    I bet something good will happen.
[10:28] Ichi
    Like we'd repay the debt.
[10:29] Jyushi
    It'll be a good deed.
[10:30] Choro
    Yup.
[10:31] Oso
    Okay?
[10:32] Oso
    Jo...
[10:32] Kara
    You left us those straw hats,
    so you can do this too, right?
[10:36] Hata
    Jo.
[10:44] Hata
    Jo!
[10:45] Hata
    Jo!
[10:48] Hata
    Jo? Jo, jo, jo...
[10:50] Hata
    Jo!
[10:57] Ichi
    How naïve. You know Jizou statues
    can read your thoughts, right?
[11:02] Oso
    Why don't you leave all that behind?
[11:03] Jyu
    While we're still asking nicely.
[11:05] Choro
    Well?
[11:07] Hata
    Jo!
[11:14] Kara
    It's no use running!
[11:16] Jyushi
    Jizou statues can read your mind!
[11:17] Hata
    Jo!
[11:19] Hata
    Jo...
[11:24] Hata
    Jo?!
[11:32] Hata
    Dear!
[11:33] Hata
    Jo!
[11:41] Hata
    I-I did something I shouldn't have, jo.
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    "New Year's Cards"
[12:07] Choro
    Hey, come on, you guys.
[12:10] Choro
    Write your New Year's cards.
[12:12] Choro
    I'm telling you to write
    your New Year's cards! Hey!
[12:14] Choro
    I didn't say draw a penis.
    Write your New Year's cards.
[12:17] Choro
    Don't draw Cerberus just because
    it's the Year of the Dog.
SIGN    Karamatsu
SIGN    To Matsuno Karamatsu-sama
[12:19] Choro
    Don't send yourself a New Year's card.
SIGN    Jyushimatsu Congrats
[12:23] Choro
    What's the recipient
    supposed to do with that?
[12:25] Choro
    Just write your damn New Year's cards!
[12:28] Choro
    Honestly, you guys are hopeless.
[12:31] Choro
    How can you be proper adults if you
    can't even write New Year's cards?
[12:35] Choro
    Hey!
[12:37] Oso
    What?! What is this?!
SIGN    Matsuno
SIGN    Have a great year!!
SIGN    Happy New Year. I was thankfully able to find a job!!
[12:40] Oso
    "Happy New Year. I was thankfully
    able to find a job!"
[12:45] Oso
    Huh?!
[12:46] Jyushi
    Hey! You're lying on your New Year's card!
[12:49] Ichi
    Don't exaggerate on your
    New Year's card, Choromatsu.
[12:51] Kara
    Don't exaggerate, Choromatsu!
[12:58] All
    Huh?
[13:02] All
    Wait, wait, wait, wait!
SIGN    Happy New Year. I was thankfully able to find a job!!
[13:04] All
    Wait, wait, wait, wait!
[13:05] Oso
    Choromatsu!
[13:06] Kara
    Choromatsu!
[13:11] Ichi
    No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait!
[13:15] Jyushi
    Wait!
[13:16] Oso
    Seriously, you shouldn't send those!
[13:18] Oso
    You'll get called out in no time,
    and you'll end up in Hell!
[13:21] Kara
    It's way too risky! Okay?
[13:34] Oso
    Choromatsu!
[13:35] Kara
    Choromatsu!
SIGN    End
SIGN    A certain day in December
[13:44] Choro
    A certain day in December...
[13:47] Choro
    A single man stood on the river bank.
[13:47] Sign
    Narration:
    Matsuno Choromatsu
[13:51] Choro
    Matsuno Todomatsu.
SIGN    Former youngest
    Matsuno Family sextuplet
    Matsuno Todomatsu
SIGN    Yearly salary:
    0 yen (estimate)
[13:52] Choro
    Former youngest Matsuno Family sextuplet.
[13:55] Choro
    Just a few days ago,
    he was told he was fired.
[14:00] Choro
    His hoodie had no color, and there
    was nothing written or drawn on it.
[14:06] Choro
    What in the world could've happened to him?
[14:09] Choro
    Why did the Matsuno Family relieve
    him of being a sextuplet?
[14:12] Choro
    And what does the future hold for him?
[14:16] Choro
    We went to find out the whole story.
SIGN    Discharge Notice 2017 -The Youngest Brother Who Got Fired-
[14:23] Sign
    Why Right Before
    The 2nd Cour...
[14:24] Choro
    Matsuno Todomatsu joined the Matsuno
    Family as the youngest sextuplet.
[14:29] Choro
    He was sixth in the drafts.
[14:31] Choro
    With his cleverness, calculating ways,
    and his dry sense of humor,
[14:35] Choro
    this trueborn youngest brother's
    shittiness far exceeded the others'.
[14:38] Choro
    People expected great things from him.
[14:41] Todo
    I'm the youngest brother, Matsuno Todomatsu!
[14:43] Todo
    I love all of my big brothers!
[14:46] Todo
    I love all of you guys, too!
[14:49] Todo
    When he first debuted, he showed a steady
    annoyingness and did a great job.
[14:54] Choro
    His retorts were genius.
[14:56] Todo
    Why would you wear those here?
    It's embarrassing!
[14:59] Todo
    So embarrassing!
[15:00] Todo
    Why?!
[15:01] Todo
    I'm embarrassed by you guys.
[15:03] Todo
    What is this, a service area?!
[15:06] Todo
    Not to mention, that was a bit
    rude toward the Dayons, too.
[15:09] Todo
    Don't touch me. I'll do it.
[15:10] Todo
    Close, close, close, way too close!
[15:12] Todo
    Get your act together, Osomatsu!
[15:14] Todo
    Osomatsu!
[15:16] Choro
    However, lately...
[15:18] Choro
    Despite the fact that his number one
    characteristic as a Matsuno Family
[15:22] Choro
    sextuplet should be that he's a NEET virgin,
[15:23] Choro
    his unfavorable actions were
    starting to come to light.
[15:27] Choro
    On a summer beach,
    he was casually flirting with girls,
[15:31] Choro
    and asked them for their contact
    info without any hesitation.
[15:34] Choro
    He also attended mixers
    through unknown connections,
[15:37] Choro
    gained high-level skills for talking to girls
[15:39] Choro
    normally, even at close distance,
[15:41] Choro
    and to top it all off, he was
    going on dates with girls.
[15:45] Choro
    Could he possibly be called a virgin?
SIGN    Dry monster
SIGN    The Todomatsu problem What does he offer as a sextuplet? He's way too out of character He's lying
[15:47] Choro
    Is he actually a Matsuno sextuplet?
[15:48] Choro
    No, isn't he just a popular guy?
[15:52] Choro
    The decision from above came quickly.
[15:57] Mom
    You're being written out of the show next year.
[15:59] Todo
    Huh?
[16:00] Choro
    He received his discharge notice.
[16:07] Choro
    He became a freelance youngest brother.
SIGN    How do you feel about
    going freelance?
[16:12] Choro
    We asked him how he felt at the time.
[16:15] Todo
    Well, I have no idea what's going on.
[16:18] Todo
    Is this really happening to me?
[16:21] Todo
    But looking back, I do feel like I
    haven't contributed much this season.
[16:28] Todo
    All I really did was scrub my ass.
[16:31] Todo
    I can't let things end like this.
[16:33] Todo
    I believe I can still be
    the youngest sibling.
[16:36] Todo
    I mean, I'm pretty much the key for all
    of us to graduate from being virgins.
[16:41] Todo
    I'll just have to do this.
[16:42] Choro
    Matsuno Todomatsu was hoping to be
    reinstated as an active brother.
[16:46] Choro
    However, the Matsuno Family
    had already filled his place
[16:50] Choro
    with the helper foreigner
    youngest brother, Michaelmatsu.
SIGN    Helper foreigner
    youngest brother
    Michaelmatsu
[16:54] Choro
    This foreign helper youngest brother,
    Michael, did great work in the major leagues.
[16:59] Choro
    He had plenty of experience.
[17:03] Maiko
    Oh, come on, Osomatsu-niisan! What the heck?
[17:08] Choro
    Your retorts are super strong, Michaelmatsu.
[17:10] Jyushi
    Your retorts are so natural.
[17:12] Kara
    You're definitely from the
    major leagues, Mighty.
[17:20] Oso
    It's huge!
[17:20] Kara
    You're definitely from the
    major leagues, Mighty!
[17:26] Bros
    Mighty! Mighty!
SIGN    Michaelmatsu
SIGN    The helper youngest brother does great work!!
[17:32] Choro
    And so, Matsuno Todomatsu had
    to wager on his last chance.
[17:36] Choro
    He started training at the Matsuno Family
SIGN    Matsuno Family secondary team training grounds
[17:38] Choro
    secondary team training grounds.
[17:47] Choro
    And then...
[17:50] Todo
    Hey! Guys!
[17:53] Todo
    What the heck is up with this discharge
    notice? I don't get it at all.
[17:59] Todo
    I mean, we were doing fine
    together up until last week.
[18:02] Todo
    We were all getting along, right?
    What the heck happened?
[18:06] Todo
    Wait, wait, wait!
[18:07] Todo
    Hey! Hey!
[18:08] Todo
    Why are you ignoring me?
[18:09] Ichi
    Sorry. We don't know you anymore.
[18:12] Todo
    Huh?
[18:13] Jyushi
    We live in totally different worlds now.
[18:16] Choro
    I mean, you've already graduated
    from being a virgin, right?
[18:19] Todo
    No, I haven't.
[18:21] Oso
    You're casually screwing
    all the time, aren't you?
[18:23] Todo
    I'm not.
[18:23] Kara
    Plus you're one of those party people.
[18:24] Todo
    Wait, who is?
[18:25] Oso
    Just be honest.
[18:26] Oso
    You've kissed someone, haven't you?
[18:27] Todo
    I haven't.
[18:28] Oso
    Then what about holding hands?
[18:33] Oso
    He totally shut up!
[18:34] Kara
    Jesus!
[18:35] Jyushi
    Discharge! Discharge!
[18:36] Choro
    Moron!
[18:38] Choro
    Thus, as he was told off by his brothers,
    Matsuno Todomatsu knew he was
[18:43] Choro
    in the wrong and completely shut up.
[18:45] Choro
    Everything his brothers had
    said was in the right!
[18:48] Choro
    Hear that, you dumbass?!
SIGN    Day of the Tryouts
[18:50] Choro
    And then the fateful day arrived...
SIGN    2018
    Joint Anime
    Tryouts
[18:53] Choro
    Characters who had been
    discharged from various anime
[18:56] Choro
    gathered at the Joint Anime
    Tryouts for the chance at
[18:58] Choro
    being chosen for a regular show next season.
[19:01] Choro
    They would show off their abilities
    in front of industry professionals
[19:05] Choro
    for this final chance at
    getting into an anime.
[19:09] Choro
    However...
[19:14] Ump
    Strike!
[19:15] Choro
    Matsuno Todomatsu wasn't hitting.
[19:18] Ump
    Strike!
[19:19] Choro
    He wouldn't hit.
[19:20] Ump
    Strike three, you're out!
[19:22] Choro
    He had zero intention of hitting the ball.
[19:25] Choro
    And then, on his final turn at bat,
    an incident occurred...
[19:42] Ump
    Wh-What are you doing?
[19:44] Todo
    Shut up, dumbass!
[19:46] Todo
    What do you mean, discharge notice?!
[19:48] Todo
    Why am I playing baseball?!
[19:50] Todo
    What the hell have you guys been
    making me do all this time?!
[19:53] Choro
    Then all hell broke loose at the tryouts,
    like no one had ever seen before.
[20:02] Oso
    C-Calm down!
[20:04] ---
    Todoma—
[20:05] Jyushi
    Totty, wai— Boeh!
[20:11] Kara
    Once he snaps, he's the most dangerous.
[20:13] Kara
    You know, the type that's usually calm,
    but gets stubborn when they get mad.
[20:18] Kara
    They're so scary.
[20:27] Choro
    Those who passed the tryouts would
    be getting a call within the week.
[20:33] Choro
    But since he caused a huge fight,
    of course he didn't hear from them.
[20:37] Choro
    Just when he had given up all hope...
SIGN    Unknown
[20:43] Todo
    H-Hello? This is Matsuno Todomatsu...
[20:47] Todo
    Huh?
[20:49] Choro
    The one who gave him the
    offer was an anime program
[20:51] Choro
    who belonged to the major
    league-affiliated 2A.
[20:57] Todo
    I'll become the greatest youngest
    brother and come back.
[21:00] Todo
    I'll have all kinds of mixers in America,
    immediately graduate from being a virgin,
[21:05] Todo
    and then kill them.
[21:08] Choro
    Matsuno Todomatsu... His second life
    being the youngest brother...
[21:12] Todo
    I'll kill them.
[21:13] Choro
    ...was just beginning.
[22:49] Oso
    What? Seriously?
[22:51] Oso
    The foreign helper youngest brother
    Michaelmatsu went back to Florida?
[22:55] Choro
    Why'd he go back?
[22:57] Dad
    Apparently he just couldn't
    stomach Japanese food.
[23:00] Mom
    Also, it seems he got a message from God.
[23:03] Choro
    What the hell kind of reason is that?
[23:05] Kara
    This is the problem with foreign helpers.
[23:08] Ichi
    Who scouted him, anyway?
[23:10] Dad
    Which means Todomatsu is coming back.
[23:14] Ichi
    Well, I guess that's for the best.
[23:17] Jyushi
    Yeah, that'd be the most peaceful option.
[23:24] Totty
    Hey!
[23:27] All
    Totty!
[23:28] Totty
    I'm killing all of you!
[23:31] Totty
    You guys are finished this year!
[23:34] All
    Totty!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu
[23:39] Choro
    This is Choromatsu.
[23:40] Choro
    Next year, I'll finally get a job,
    get a girlfriend, and even get married!
[23:45] Choro
    No, really. I'm not lying.
[23:48] Choro
    I'm telling the truth here.
SIGN    "The Choromatsu Incident" etc.
[23:49] Choro
    I'm not lying! I can do this!
[23:51] Choro
    I'm going to! I want to!