E19 - Untitled

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Starting! Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san
[00:01] Nar
    Starting! Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san!
[00:08] Shou
    It's an emergency!
[00:10] Shou
    It's an emergency, I tell you!
[00:12] Shou
    Shinnosuke!
[00:13] Shou
    Suzunosuke!
[00:15] Shou
    Sanosuke!
[00:16] Shou
    Dennosuke!
[00:18] Shou
    Yuranosuke!
[00:19] Shou
    Rinnosuke, Tomonosuke, Kuranosuke,
    Ainosuke, Monnosuke, Tetsunosuke,
[00:24] Shou
    Harunosuke, Junnosuke, Einosuke,
    Shikanosuke, Noborinosuke.
[00:27] All
    What's the matter, Shonosuke-niisan?
[00:30] Shou
    It's an emergency!
[00:31] Shou
    Apparently, we heptadecuplets are the
    protagonists of this anime starting this week!
[00:35] All
    What?! Really? Yay!
SIGN    Due to reasons from the production side, "New Program:
    Hijirisawa Shonosuke-san" will now be ending. Or, really,
    we couldn't think of anything else to do with it!
SIGN    Period Drama Osomatsu-san
SIGN    Matsu
[02:31] Bg
    This is awful.
[02:40] Chibi
    The hell?!
[02:42] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[02:43] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[02:44] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[02:45] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[02:46] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[02:46] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[02:47] ---
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[02:48] Chibi
    The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
[02:49] ---
    The hell, the hell?!
[02:50] Chibi
    The hell?! The hell?! The hell?!
[02:52] ---
    The hell, the hell?!
[02:54] Oso
    Huh? Oh, it's Chibita.
[02:56] Oso
    Hey, what's wrong Chibita?
[02:57] Chibi
    The hell?!
[02:59] Oso
    Chibita?!
[03:00] Oso
    Right here. I'm right here!
[03:04] Chibi
    The...
[03:04] Oso
    What's wrong? You're all panicked.
[03:06] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:07] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:08] Oso
    Huh?
[03:08] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:10] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:10] Oso
    Calm down!
[03:11] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:12] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:14] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:15] ---
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:15] Oso
    Uh, I have no idea what you're saying...
[03:16] ---
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:17] ---
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[03:18] Oso
    I said I don't understand!
[03:21] Chibi
    The...
[03:23] Chibi
    Damn it!
[03:26] Oso
    Huh?!
SIGN    Private Detective Chibita
[03:27] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[03:32] ---
    There.
[03:33] Hata
    Please stop, jo. It hurts, jo.
[03:37] Bad
    Take that and that and that.
[03:37] Hata
    Jo, jo, jo...
[03:41] Kara
    That's enough.
[03:42] Hata
    Jo?
[03:42] Badb
    What?
[03:44] Bada
    H-Hey, that guy is...
[03:49] Bada
    The Sunglassed Wanderer!
[04:03] Bads
    Take this!
[04:25] Hata
    Jo.
SIGN    The Sunglassed Wanderer
[04:30] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[04:36] Iyami
    Todomatsu-sama, please take this.
[04:40] Todo
    Iyamiya. What might this be?
[04:45] Iya
    It's the thing you love most, Todomatsu-sama.
[04:47] Todo
    Oh-ho, Iyamiya.
[04:50] Todo
    You're so villainous.
[04:52] Iya
    Not as much as you, Todomatsu-sama.
[05:02] Todo
    And?
[05:03] Todo
    What's in this thing?
[05:05] Iiya
    As I said, it's the thing you
    love most, Todomatsu-sama.
[05:07] Todo
    No, seriously. Tell me what's actually in here.
[05:11] Todo
    You're scary, coming here
    outta nowhere. Is it a bomb?
[05:14] Iya
    It's not a bomb.
[05:15] Todo
    Then what is it?
[05:16] Iyam
    I can't say it too loudly.
[05:19] Todo
    That's terrifying! Now I really don't wanna open it!
[05:22] Iya
    Your voice is too loud!
[05:23] Todo
    Seriously, what's in here?
    It's a bomb, isn't it?
[05:25] Iya
    No...
[05:26] Todo
    Then why won't you tell me?!
    Can you not tell me because it's a bomb?!
[05:29] Iya
    No...
[05:30] Todo
    I don't want it.
[05:32] Todo
    Take it back.
[05:33] Iyami
    You're getting too freaked out.
    Okay, fine, I'll tell you.
[05:38] Iya
    It's money.
[05:40] Iya
    Mo-ne-y.
[05:43] Todo
    You're lying! There's no way you'd give me that!
[05:46] Todo
    It's a bomb!
[05:47] Iya
    I told you, it's not!
[05:48] Todo
    Can I call Choromatsu-niisan here?
[05:49] Iya
    No!
[05:50] Todo
    Choromatsu-niisan!
[05:51] Iya
    Hey!
[05:52] Todo
    Let go!
[05:52] Iya
    Calm down!
[05:59] Iya
    Sheeeh!
SIGN    The Scaredy-Cat Magistrate
    Todomatsu
[06:01] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[06:11] Dayon
    So silent it is that I hear
    cicadas' cries melt into the rocks.
SIGN    So silent it is that I hear cicadas' cries melt into the rocks
[06:16] Deka
    What a lovely poem.
[06:18] Dayon
    Dayon.
SIGN    Listen carefully as the cicada's loud cries blend into the rocks Dayon
[06:20] Deka
    Too many syllables.
[06:26] Dayone
    Into the old pond, the frog jumps
    gracefully down, the sound of water.
SIGN    Into the old pond the frog jumps gracefully down the sound of water
[06:33] Dayon
    Dayon.
SIGN    Into the old pond the frog jumps gracefully down the sound of water Dayon
[06:35] Deka
    Too many syllables.
[06:39] Dayon
    The summer grass blows,
SIGN    The summer grass blows The troops march alongside them, to the end of dreams Dayon
[06:41] Dayon
    the troops march alongside them,
    to the end of dreams, dayon.
[06:46] Deka
    Too many syllables!
SIGN    Matsuo Bashooon
[06:48] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[07:37] Toto
    You're doing it again, Fappymatsu!
[07:39] Toto
    That's the bamboo reed I use for suiton-no-jutsu.
[07:42] Toto
    Give it back!
[07:45] Toto
    No! Give it back!
SIGN    Totoko
[07:48] Toto
    I said no! You're always using
    your ninjutsu for stuff like this!
[07:54] Toto
    Do as I say, Fappymatsu!
SIGN    Ninja Fappymatsu
[08:03] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[08:13] Mom
    I'm his real mother.
[08:17] Mom
    No, I'm his real mother.
[08:20] Chibi
    H-He has two mothers...
    What should we do, Magistrate, you idjit?
[08:27] Deka
    If you both say that you're his real mother,
    both of you pull on his cheeks.
[08:33] Deka
    I will acknowledge the one
    who wins to be his mother.
[08:41] Deka
    The true mother would not want to see
    their child in pain, and will let go first.
[08:47] Chibi
    I see. Uh, but, Magistrate...
[08:52] Chibi
    He's not in pain at all, you idjit.
[09:04] Chibi
    Idjit...
SIGN    Dekapan Judgment
[09:13] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[09:28] Todo
    Curse you...
[09:34] Choro
    T-Todogiku!
[09:39] Todo
    One... two... three... four...
[09:48] Todo
    Five... six... seven... eight...
[09:56] Todo
    Nine!
[10:00] Todo
    Ten... eleven... twelve... thirteen... fourteen...
SIGN    Extreme! City Girls
SIGN    Dem Boobies
[10:06] Todo
    Fifteen... sixteen... seventeen...
[10:07] Choro
    Huh?
[10:14] Todo
    6,523... 6,524...
[10:19] Todo
    I'm missing one! Where did you put it?!
[10:21] Choro
    Does one more really matter?
SIGN    Disc Mansion
[10:24] Sign
    Osomatsu-san
[10:31] ---
    Really?
[10:34] Guy1
    Hey, that's Jyushimatsutaishi-sama.
[10:36] Guy2
    Jyushimatsutaishi-sama.
[10:37] Guy3
    That's him?
[10:40] Ichi
    Apparently, he can clearly
    hear what everyone is saying,
[10:43] Ichi
    even if many people are
    talking to him at once.
[10:47] Guy1
    Even fourteen people.
[10:49] Guy2
    That many?
[10:51] Ichi
    All right, let's try it.
[10:54] Ichi
    Ready? One, and...
[11:08] Jyu
    Shut up!
[11:09] Guys
    What?!
[11:10] Jyu
    Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
    Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
[11:13] Jyu
    Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
[11:17] Jyu
    Shut the hell up!
[11:19] Jyu
    Hmph! Hmph!
[11:23] All
    Osoko!
[11:24] Oso
    Hi!
[11:25] Oso
    I'm told that I'm the reliable, no-nonsense
    type, but I can be cute, too!
[11:30] All
    Karako!
[11:32] Kara
    Heyo!
[11:33] Kara
    Not bad. You managed to
    keep up with me. You pass!
SIGN    Anime Kan
[11:37] All
    Choroko!
[11:38] Choro
    What?
SIGN    Fu
[11:40] Choro
    Do you prefer Chibi x Dayo, or Dayo x Chibi?
[11:42] Choro
    Iya x Hata is definitely no good, though.
[11:45] All
    Ichiko!
[11:46] Ichi
    Yes?
[11:48] Ichi
    Living is all about the balance between
    soul and body. Do you understand?
[11:53] All
    Jyushiko!
[11:55] Jyu
    Hey, I totally just saw that guy!
[11:58] Jyu
    That young, handsome, hot actor guy!
SIGN    Mount Matsuo
[12:01] All
    Todoko!
[12:03] Todo
    Yahoo!
[12:05] Todo
    Hey, guys. All of us on Earth are
    friends riding the same spaceship, right?
SIGN    Girlymatsu-san
[12:09] All
    Girlymatsu-san!
SIGN    Akatsuka Municipal Theater
SIGN    Today's Program
    Tamanokouji Shirimaro
SIGN    Shirimaro
    Talk Show
[12:33] Oso
    Whew, I laughed so much.
[12:36] Todo
    We just added years to our lives.
[12:38] Choro
    Who cares about falling in love
    or getting married anymore?
[12:41] Jyu
    You said it.
[12:42] Ichi
    Hmph. I've had it with men.
[12:45] Kara
    Yeah, I bet you are, especially.
[12:47] Ichi
    Huh?
[12:48] Kara
    Did you forget?
[12:49] Kara
    We told you that guy who said he
    was the son of some queen's
[12:51] Kara
    older twin sister was lying,
    but you lent him a fortune.
[12:56] Todo
    And you didn't get any of it back.
[12:59] Ichi
    Well, you had the water
    purifier incident, Todoko.
[13:01] Jyu
    You wouldn't stop telling us to buy one.
[13:03] Oso
    One cost 320,000 yen!
[13:05] Todo
    Well, there's Karako, too!
[13:06] Todo
    She chased around some youngster at work,
[13:08] Todo
    and ended up getting caught in a tanuki trap.
[13:11] Kara
    Like you can talk, Choroko!
[13:13] Kara
    You got obsessed with that strange actor,
[13:14] Kara
    went all the way to Johannesburg,
    and faced forced repatriation.
[13:18] Choro
    A-And Jyushiko!
[13:20] Choro
    She got involved in a love triangle with her boss
    and a coworker that lead to bloodshed.
[13:26] Jyu
    And Osoko just got out of prison
    after embezzling 1.5 billion.
[13:37] Oso
    W-Well, we should act our age now...
[13:40] Kara
    We still have the charm of being cougars.
[13:42] Choro
    We're in our final years.
[13:44] Ichi
    We're reaching our limit.
[13:46] Jyu
    As long as we have our health.
[13:48] Todo
    That's right. Hey, look over there!
[13:51] Todo
    Isn't that Brad Pitt walking over there?
[13:54] Girls
    No way!
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Choromatsu Rising"
[14:02] Oso
    Man...
[14:03] Oso
    But you know, Totty...
[14:05] Todo
    Huh?
[14:06] Oso
    I don't wanna work.
[14:08] Oso
    I want to ride this wave of being
    taken care of as long as I can.
[14:12] Todo
    How do you manage to only say such
    wonderful things, Osomatsu-niisan?
[14:16] Todo
    The oldest brother really is so reliable.
[14:18] Oso
    I know, right?
[14:19] Todo
    I know I can trust you. I heart you.
[14:25] Choro
    Hey, where are the others?
[14:28] Todo
    Dead, probably.
[14:29] Choro
    Really? Well, whatever.
[14:32] Choro
    I have something serious to tell you guys.
[14:37] Choro
    I'm going to quit being an idol fan.
[14:41] Todo
    Huh?
[14:42] Choro
    Well, I thought I should really get serious.
[14:45] Choro
    I want to get out of this lifestyle.
[14:47] Choro
    I can't stay unemployed forever,
    so I thought I'd quit fooling around,
[14:50] Choro
    look for a job, and become independent.
[14:53] Choro
    I'm going to aim high, and live on my own.
[14:58] Oso
    So, yeah...
[14:59] Choro
    Hm?
[14:59] Choro
    I have something serious to tell you.
    I'm going to quite being an idol fa—
[15:03] Todo
    No, we heard you! We heard you,
    but we chose to ignore you!
[15:07] Choro
    Ignore me? Why?
[15:10] Todo
    Choromatsu-niisan, you want
    to escape this lifestyle?
[15:13] Choro
    Yeah.
[15:14] Todo
    So you're going to look for a job.
[15:15] Choro
    Right.
[15:16] Todo
    And eventually live on your own.
[15:18] Choro
    Right. Exactly.
[15:20] Todo
    I see...
[15:21] Todo
    Then just do it!
[15:23] Todo
    Stop announcing it to everyone
    around you! Just go and do it!
[15:26] Todo
    Maybe I'll go on a diet,
    and stop eating after 6 PM.
[15:31] Todo
    I'm gonna quit smoking.
[15:32] Todo
    I want to reset everything,
[15:34] Todo
    so I was thinking about deleting
    everyone from my address book.
[15:38] Todo
    Who are you trying to impress?!
[15:39] Todo
    Why should we care?! Just go and do it!
[15:41] Choro
    Uh... You don't have to say it like that.
    I've given this serious thought...
[15:45] Todo
    Really? Aren't you actually already
    satisfied that you announced it?
[15:48] Oso
    Now, now. We get it, Choromatsu.
[15:51] Oso
    Job hunting, huh... Good luck. I'll cheer you on.
[15:55] Oso
    I'll tell everyone else for you. All right?
[15:58] Oso
    Okay, now this conversation is over.
[16:00] Choro
    So the first thing I'm going to do—
[16:02] Both
    We just said you don't have to tell us!
[16:04] Choro
    I know it's not possible to just start job hunting,
[16:07] Choro
    so I'm going to start with free hugs in the city.
[16:12] Oso
    F-F...
[16:13] Todo
    Free...
[16:14] Oso
    Free...
[16:16] Todo
    H-Hugs?! He said he was going to give hugs?!
[16:19] Oso
    Totty!
[16:21] Choro
    Communication with others is an
    important part of having a job, right?
[16:24] Choro
    So in order to build myself up to that level...
[16:26] Oso
    What's his problem?! Is this on purpose?!
[16:28] Todo
    Actually, I wish he'd say it's on purpose!
[16:30] Todo
    Otherwise, I might strangle him to death!
[16:32] Oso
    Yup. Strangle him to death!
[16:33] Choro
    Also...
[16:34] Both
    That's enough!
[16:35] Choro
    I'm going to go on a trip abroad to find myself...
[16:38] Choro
    And then study abroad to learn languages.
[16:40] Choro
    And then, I'm going to find
    someone to be my girlfriend...
[16:44] Todo
    Seriously, what is wrong with you?!
[16:45] Todo
    Just how highly do you think of
    yourself?! A trip to find yourself?!
[16:48] Todo
    Study abroad to learn languages?
    Find a girlfriend?
[16:49] Todo
    Then are you gonna propose to
    her with a flashmob in Aoyama?
[16:53] Todo
    I'm not going to be an extra, you hear?!
[16:57] Oso
    Calm down. He didn't mention
    anything about a flashmob.
[17:02] Choro
    Huh? Did I say something wrong?
[17:04] Both
    That's all you've been saying!
[17:06] Choro
    Well, I guess I did say things that make
    me sound like I'm aiming pretty high...
[17:11] Todo
    That's not aiming high!
[17:13] Todo
    You're raising your self-awareness!
[17:15] Oso
    You're self-awareness rising!
[17:17] Choro
    What's that mean?
[17:18] Oso
    Look, Choromatsu.
[17:22] Choro
    Whoa! What is that?!
[17:24] Oso
    That's your self-awareness.
[17:25] Choro
    What?!
[17:26] Oso
    Look how high it is. It's definitely rising.
[17:28] Oso
    It's annoying everyone else around it.
[17:31] Choro
    S-So it's a mass of pride?
[17:33] Oso
    No, it's a subspecies of pride.
[17:35] Todo
    That's self-awareness rising.
[17:36] Choro
    Seriously, what does that mean?!
[17:38] Oso
    By the way, this is my self-awareness.
[17:40] Choro
    It's so small!
[17:41] Choro
    What is that? A clump of garbage?
[17:43] Oso
    Well, it does look pretty gross,
    but it's easy to handle.
[17:47] Choro
    What about yours, Totty?
[17:48] Todo
    This is mine.
[17:49] Choro
    It's pretty big! And it's super sparkly!
[17:52] Todo
    Well, yeah.
[17:53] Todo
    I mean, I did lie and tell everyone
    at Sutabaa that I went to Keio.
[17:57] Choro
    What the heck? Then you're
    no different from me.
[17:59] Todo
    What?! It's totally different!
[18:01] Todo
    I know it's painfully sparkly,
    but it's still in my hands.
[18:05] Todo
    I'm able to handle it!
[18:07] Choro
    Huh?
[18:07] Todo
    Do you understand? Even if I trouble
    anyone, it's just my family and friends.
[18:11] Todo
    But look at that rising!
[18:12] Todo
    It's way too high! That can only be evil!
[18:17] Oso
    Say, Risingfappyski.
[18:19] Choro
    Who the hell is Risingfappyski?
[18:21] Oso
    You really should fix that.
[18:23] Todo
    Yeah, we're warning you as your brothers.
[18:27] Oso
    Seriously, we're not kidding about this.
[18:30] Todo
    Not at all. We're seriously worried.
[18:33] Choro
    Wh-What should I do?
[18:37] Todo
    I have a good idea.
[19:04] Choro
    I can't do that. Let's go home.
[19:06] Todo
    You were talking about giving free hugs.
    What are you freaking out about?
[19:09] Choro
    But hitting on girls isn't something
    any human should do.
[19:12] Choro
    Who would talk to a girl
    they've never met before?
[19:14] Choro
    What is wrong with people?
[19:16] Oso
    Go talk to someone. Quick.
[19:18] Choro
    I can't. I'll die.
[19:19] Todo
    Then just die! That's actually
    what we're hoping for!
[19:22] Todo
    Hurry up and die!
[19:23] Choro
    You say that, but can you
    guys hit on girls yourselves?!
[19:27] Oso
    Sure.
[19:28] Choro
    You liar.
[19:29] Oso
    Here I go.
[19:30] Choro
    What?! So fast!
[19:31] Oso
    I'm back.
[19:32] Choro
    What?! So fast!
[19:34] Choro
    You got the crap beat out of you!
    What did you even say?!
[19:38] Oso
    But I got her number.
[19:39] Todo
    Seriously?! You're too awesome!
[19:41] Choro
    That's awesome?
SIGN    In Call
[19:45] Ann
    The number you are trying to
    reach is currently not in use.
[19:48] Oso
    And it won't connect.
[19:49] Todo
    Way too awesome!
[19:50] Choro
    Again, that's awesome?!
[19:52] Choro
    And? Can you do it, Totty?
[19:54] Todo
    Hm?
[19:55] Choro
    Hit on girls.
[19:56] Todo
    Oh, I don't hit on girls.
[19:57] Choro
    What?!
[19:58] Todo
    Well, I only fight battles that I can win. Right?
[20:01] Choro
    You're a terrible person.
[20:02] Todo
    Yep, I'm the worst.
[20:05] Oso
    Hey, Choromatsu! How about her?
[20:07] Oso
    Isn't she super cute?
[20:08] Choro
    What?
[20:10] Choro
    Not with someone who's first rate.
[20:12] Choro
    There's too little hope.
[20:13] Choro
    I can't take the risk, knowing
    that I'll just get rejected.
[20:18] Oso
    Then what about her? She's not that pretty.
[20:21] Choro
    Hmm...
[20:22] Oso
    But her body's pretty hot.
[20:23] Choro
    Then there's no way!
[20:25] Choro
    I'm sure she's popular, then!
    She won't give me the time of day.
[20:28] Oso
    Then how about her? Her face
    and body are both normal.
[20:31] Choro
    Hmm...
[20:32] Oso
    But she's stylish.
[20:32] Choro
    Stylish?! That's the most impossible!
[20:35] Choro
    That won't give me any points.
[20:36] Choro
    It'll just make me feel even more inferior!
[20:39] Oso
    Then how about her? The slightly ugly one.
[20:41] Choro
    Oh, the slightly ugly one?
[20:43] Oso
    Yeah. I bet she has a good personality.
[20:45] Choro
    Then there's no way! I want someone
    who's on the same level as me!
[20:49] Choro
    I want to feel secure, and I really don't
    want to be nervous, and when we go out...
[20:54] Oso
    I'll seriously strangle you to death,
    you virgin among virgins!
[20:57] Oso
    That stance can only mean certain death!
    Die, you virgin among virgins!
[20:59] Todo
    Wait, Osomatsu-niisan!
[21:03] Todo
    Look! That's gonna be trouble!
[21:05] Oso
    Wait, what the hell is that? What?!
[21:09] Todo
    I-It's a self-awareness big bang!
[21:12] Oso
    Gah! A self-awareness big bang!
SIGN    A Few Days Later
SIGN    Sutabaa Coffee
[21:39] Oso
    Oh, man...
[21:41] Todo
    Oh, my.
[21:42] Choro
    Okay, double-click on that. Yes, please
    right-click, and then left-click.
[21:48] Choro
    Or double-click from the download.
[21:48] Todo
    Looks like a terrible monster's been created.
[21:50] Choro
    Could you double-click that for me?
[21:51] Oso
    That's gonna be super hard to handle.
[21:53] Choro
    Yes. Oh, that's triple-clicking.
SIGN    Next Time on Osomatsu-san
[23:26] Choro
    Choror-ello!
[23:28] Choro
    I'm the apprentice wizard, Chororin, rin.
[23:31] Choro
    Lately, my brothers keep denying me,
[23:33] Choro
    so I went all-out on a character change, rin.
[23:35] Choro
    Come to the Anime Forest, rin!
[23:37] Choro
    Lastly, I'll cast a spell to fix
    all of your self-awarenesses
[23:40] Choro
    that are messed up from
    anime and the internet.
[23:42] Choro
    Here we go, rin!
[23:44] Choro
    Magical, fappycal, pyuropyurorin,
    special, spemal, pyuropyurorin!
SIGN    "Tell Us, Hatabou" "School Matsu" "Iyami's School"