E1 - Mr. Osomatsu Returns Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu Returns [00:05] Nar     Mr. Osomatsu returns! [00:10] Osomatsu**     It's an emergency! [00:13] Osomatsu     It's an emergency, I tell you! [00:14] Osomatsu     Karamatsu! [00:15] Karamatsu     Huh? [00:16] Osomatsu     Choromatsu! [00:16] Choromatsu     Hm? [00:17] Osomatsu     Ichimatsu! [00:18] Ichimatsu     Huh? [00:18] Osomatsu     Jyushimatsu! [00:20] Jyushimatsu     Huh? [00:20] Osomatsu     Todomatsu! [00:21] Todomatsu     Hm? [00:22] Five     What's the matter, Osomatsu-niisan? [00:25] Osomatsu     It's an emergency! [00:26] Osomatsu     Our anime that ended in March last year [00:30] Osomatsu     is starting up again today! [00:31] Five     What?! [00:33] Karamatsu     Is that really true, Osomatsu-niisan?! [00:35] Osomatsu     It is! Actually, it's already started! [00:37] All     Huh? [00:40] Karamatsu     He's right! We're on TV again! [00:44] Todomatsu     It's a miracle! [00:45] Four     Yay! [00:47] Choromatsu     I'm worried... [00:48] Osomatsu     What's the matter, Choromatsu? [00:50] Choromatsu     Well, our anime aired two years ago. [00:54] Choromatsu     I wonder if anyone even remembers us now. [00:56] Choromatsu     Did people actually wait for us? [00:59] Osomatsu     It'll be fine! [01:00] Four     Don't worry about it! [01:02] Osomatsu     If you're that worried, want to use this TV     to see what our future selves are like? [01:07] Choromatsu     What? We can actually do that? [01:09] Jyushimatsu     Yeah! I wanna see! [01:10] Todomatsu     I can't wait to see what     we're like as adults! [01:13] Karamatsu     It's so exciting! [01:14] Osomatsu     All right, guys, group up! [01:17] Osomatsu     All right, here we go. You guys ready? [01:19] All     Yeah! [01:20] Osomatsu     There! Our anime returns! [01:24] All     Returns! [01:29] Nar     Mr. Osomatsu, the TV anime.* [01:32] Nar*     It temporarily finished     broadcasting in March, 2016, [01:35] Nar     having created a slight buzz     and become slightly popular. [01:39] Nar     Now, a year and six months have passed. [01:43] Chibita     The hell... It's been so long. [01:46] Chibita     What've you been up to? [01:49] Iyami     What else? [01:51] Iyami     Me was vacationing in France. [01:55] Chibita     Huh... I see. [01:57] Iyami     Me is not a commoner like you. [01:59] Chibita     Really. [02:00] Iyami     You don't believe me, do you?! [02:02] Iyami     Here's the proof! Look, Trump Tower. [02:05] Chibita     That's not even France! [02:07] Chibita     Come to think of it, what are those idiots up to?     Why don't we stop by their place? [02:12] Iyami     Knowing those idiots,     me is sure nothing has changed. SIGN    Matsuno Monthly Parking [02:16] Iyami     They're probably just lazing around with     nothing to do and living meaningless lives— [02:20] Iyami     What? [02:22] Chibita     What?! What is this?! [02:25] Chibita     Is their house a lot bigger than it used to be? [02:28] Chibita     Has it been completely remodeled?! [02:29] Iyami     Seriously?! [02:30] Chibita     Look! Their front door has     an automatic lock on it! SIGN    Matsu [02:33] Iyami     Sheeeh! [02:34] Chibita     Their house is solar-powered, you idjit! [02:36] Iyami     Sheeeh! SIGN    Please Use Freely [02:37] Chibita     They even have Wi-fi! [02:38] Iyami     Sh-Sh-Sh-Sheeeh... [02:40] Chibita     Wh-What's going on with these changes? [02:42] Chibita     When the hell did they     become this rich, you idjit?! [02:45] Iyami     Chibita, this must be it! SIGN    66 Hour TV [02:48] Chibita     Huh? Wha...? SIGN    Talk Show SIGN    Special Guests: Matsuyo, Matuzou [02:50] Chibita     What the heck's going on?! [02:51] Iyami     Look over there, too! [02:54] Chibita     Could those people be their fans?     Are they here to see them? [02:57] Chibita     The heck's going on?     What in the world happened? [03:00] Chibita     This almost makes it seem like     they're actually popular! [03:03] Chibita     What the hell's going on in this world?! [03:05] Chibita     Get a grip, world! Seriously, what the hell?! [03:08] Chibita     You idjits! Damn it! [03:09] Iyami     Wake up! We're talking about NEETs here! [03:12] Chibita     They're virgins! [03:13] Iyami     They're scum! [03:13] Chibita     Trash! [03:14] Iyami     Filth! [03:14] Chibita     Shi— [03:19] Chibita     I-It's no use... Their eyes     are completely soulless. [03:23] ---     Sheeeh... [03:24] Old     What've we got here? [03:26] Old     What, you guys wanna go see them     honorable Matsuno sextuplets? [03:30] Iyami     H-Honorable sextuplets?! [03:32] Old     Them honorable sextuplets     got their one hit. [03:35] Old     Because they got their one hit,     they were granted half-assed wealth and fame. [03:40] Old     Because of that, they're living the good     life in an awfully half-assed way. [03:43] Old     Wanna go see them? [03:55] Old     Hey, whatcha doin'? Hurry it up. [03:59] Old     The honorable sextuplets are in     the middle of their meet and greet. [04:02] Old     Make sure you don't get in their way. [04:03] Iyami     Meet and greet? [04:07] Old     Well, see ya. [04:12] Chibita     H-Hey, Osomatsu? Karamatsu? [04:15] Chibita     You here? Hey! [04:18] Iyami     Th-That's... [04:19] Chibita     Huh? The hell is that?! [04:33] Osomatsu     Hi. Here ya go. [04:35] Osomatsu     Yup. There. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [04:37] Both     Sheeeh! [04:43] Karamatsu     Yeah. [04:44] Karamatsu     There ya go. Yeah. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [04:51] Choromatsu     Yes, I see. [04:52] Choromatsu     Yes, indeed. Yup. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [05:01] ---     Keep your filthy hands away. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [05:07] Jyushimatsu     Yarp. [05:10] Jyushimatsu     Hi. Thanks. [05:12] Jyushimatsu     Hi. SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [05:17] Totty     I'm Totty! [05:19] Totty     Aren't I cute? SIGN    1 Handshake 200 yen [05:23] Chibita     They're so gross... [05:25] Iyami     Sheeeh... [05:27] Osomatsu     Hey, guys! [05:32] Osomatsu     It's been a while.     You should've told us you were coming. [05:35] Osomatsu     We got, like, our one hit.     I don't really get it, but we got super rich. [05:42] Osomatsu     So working is pretty much     out of the question. [05:45] Osomatsu     We're living the high life.     It's so much fun being alive. [05:50] Choromatsu     Yeah, like, sorry and stuff.     We got super rich and became popular. [05:55] Choromatsu     It's so much fun being alive right now. [05:57] Karamatsu     Hey, here's Karamatsu-sama's     new single. Take it. SIGN    Jyushimatsu's Nummy Nums Gourmet [06:04] Jyushimatsu     Here. This is a cookbook I released. [06:06] Jyushimatsu     Want an autograph? [06:08] Totty     Ugh, this is so exhausting. [06:10] Totty     We have money, we're popular.     It's exhausting to even breathe. [06:18] Osomatsu     Oh, yeah. Why don't we order     some sushi for them? [06:22] Choro     Sushi? Sounds good. Yeah, it'll be our treat. [06:24] Totty     Here. Which set should we get? [06:26] Osomatsu     Well, the Matsu set, of course. [06:30] Osomatsu     We are Matsus, after all. [06:36] Choromatsu     B-Because we're Matsus! [06:38] Totty     The sushi set is called Matsu     and we're Matsus, too! [06:41] Karamatsu     That's too funny! [06:42] Jyushimatsu     Your jokes are so funny! [06:43] Ichimatsu     No wonder we hit it big.     No wonder we're popular. [06:50] Mom     What? Of course that won't do. SIGN    Collaboration Proposal Room [06:53] Mom     There's no way our adorable sextuplets     would do something so vulgar. [06:58] Dad     They're national stars now.     What if that'll make people hate them? SIGN    Proposal [07:02] Mom     No dirty jokes! [07:02] Dad     No being vulgar! [07:03] Mom     Nothing grotesque! [07:04] Dad     No more parodies! SIGN    King General [07:05] Mom     Cuteness prevails! [07:07] Dad     Cuteness prevails! SIGN    Matsu [07:08] Mom     My little sextuplets! [07:09] Dad     Our cute little sextuplets! SIGN    Merchandise Production Room [07:15] Totoko     Okay! We've made some new merchandise     for the little sextuplets! [07:20] Totoko     First... Ta-da! [07:23] Totoko     An Osomatsu-kun keyholder for 5,000 yen! [07:25] Hatabou     It's cute, jo. [07:27] Totoko     Next... Ta-da! SIGN    Karamatsu [07:29] Totoko     A Karamatsu-kun sweatshirt for 10,000 yen! [07:32] Hatabou     Very well-made, jo. [07:34] Totoko     Ta-da! A Choromatsu-kun     plushie for 30,000 yen! [07:38] Hatabou     I totally want it, jo. [07:40] Totoko     Ta-da! An Ichimatsu-kun     figure set for 100,000 yen! [07:43] Hatabou     It'll be sold at a premium, jo. [07:45] Buyer 1     P-Pardon me. [07:47] Buyer 1     Er, uh... I have to wonder     about the quality... [07:52] Totoko     Tch. Quality? [07:55] Totoko     Who the hell cares about quality?!     If we put this crap out, it sells! [07:59] Totoko     Just put this crap out and sell it! [08:01] Totoko     We're just here to make a buck!      Ain't nothin' better! SIGN    Money [08:05] Totoko     I'm filthy rich because of those sextuplets! [08:07] Hatabou     Cash cows, jo. [08:12] Iyami     Sheeeh! [08:12] Chibita     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! SIGN    A Dingy Cabaret SIGN    Sake [08:15] Dekapan     We'll let you all in on a little secret. [08:19] Dekapan     Believe it or not, we're the ones who     made that anime about those sextuplets. [08:24] Dayon     That was our achievement! [08:29] Dekapan     Do you want to meet the sextuplets? [08:31] Dayon     Well? [08:40] Osomatsu     Bring me more sake! [08:48] Jyushimatsu     Tastes great. [08:52] Totty     You're cute! [08:54] Totty     Oh, uggos can leave. Seriously. SIGN    Choromatsu's Animation School SIGN    Special Instructor SIGN    Choromatsu-sensei has arrived!! [09:02] Choromatsu     Everyone, pay attention to me! SIGN    The importance of bishojo in anime -What is "moe"? -The possibility of cowlicks Glasses-chans are... Younger... SIGN    I'm late, I'm late! [09:04] Choromatsu     So with proper anime...     the popular characters... Do you understand? [09:11] Ichimatsu     I'll think positively with     peaceful love vibes, man... [09:30] Osomatsu     Man, we totally took over the whole country. [09:33] Five     Right? [09:34] Osomatsu     No one complains anymore. [09:36] Five     Right? [09:37] Osomatsu     Now our future is... [09:39] Osomatsu     secure! [09:41] Five     Secure! [09:42] Osomatsu     It's secure! [09:44] Five     Secure! [09:45] Six     This is how it should be! [09:51] Mob     The hell it is! SIGN    Don't forgive those sextuplets! SIGN    Die! SIGN    Death to vulgar anime! [09:53] Mob 2     Who do you NEET virgins think you are?! SIGN    KILL SIGN    Divine punishment [09:56] Mob 3     Osomatsu-san, my ass! SIGN    Vulgarity [09:58] Mob     Stop getting carried away! [10:00] Mob 2     Who do you think you are?! [10:01] Karamatsu     Hot! Hot! [10:01] Mob 3     Divine punishment! [10:04] Mob 4     How about you die? [10:13] Chibita     Well, yeah... We saw that coming. [10:16] Chibita     Aw, man... It's all over, you idjits. [10:19] Iyami     Over. [10:26] Osomatsu     Huh? [10:28] Karamatsu     Wha...? [10:29] Todomatsu     What was that? [10:30] Choromatsu     That's what our future's     supposed to be like? [10:33] Jyushimatsu     We were all scum. [10:35] Ichimatsu     Yeah, there was only trash. [10:39] Six     What?! [10:41] Choromatsu     What was that?! Is that how we're     going to end up in the future?! [10:44] Jyushimatsu     No! [10:45] Jyushimatsu     Anime over! It's over! [10:47] Todomatsu     We totally shouldn't do it anymore! [10:49] Five     Someone save us! [10:50] Osomatsu     C-Calm down, guys! [10:52] Five     Huh? [10:53] Osomatsu     We still have time! [10:54] Osomatsu     If we start working hard now, [10:56] Osomatsu     we can become a great anime     that's loved by everyone! [11:00] Ichimatsu     Really, Osomatsu-niisan? [11:02] Osomatsu     Yeah, let's do our best. [11:03] Osomatsu     We're going to be reborn! Starting now! [11:05] Five     Got it! [11:08] Nar     And so the sextuplets decided to     work hard and have a proper future. [11:14] Osomatsu     Let's do this properly... [11:15] Choromatsu     Properly. [11:17] Ichimatsu     We'll do this right. [11:18] Jyushimatsu     We'll work hard... [11:20] Jyushimatsu     ...and change... [11:21] Karamatsu     ...into a great anime... [11:23] Todomatsu     ...so that everyone will love us. [11:25] Nar     Then ten-odd years passed,     and in the end... [11:57] Wife     Oh, good morning, darling. [11:59] Daughter     Morning, Daddy! [12:01] Osomatsu     Good morning. [12:03] Wife     Oh, goodness.     You're spilling food everywhere. [12:14] Osomatsu     All right, I'll be off. [12:16] Wife     Osomatsu? [12:20] Wife     Have a good day. [12:21] Osomatsu     I will. [12:27] Daughter     Bye-bye, Daddy! [12:31] Osomatsu     I became... proper. [12:34] Osomatsu     Ever since then, I've worked properly     and properly became great. [12:37] Junior     Chief Matsuno! Good morning! [12:40] Osomatsu     See? I'm doing this properly. [12:43] Osomatsu     Look. Properly. [12:46] Osomatsu     Yup. [12:47] Osomatsu     I'm doing it properly. [12:51] Osomatsu     I'm so proper. [12:53] Osomatsu     I'm doing it properly. This is amazing. [12:57] Bg     You can do it! [12:58] Osomatsu     I'm doing this properly! [13:00] Osomatsu     Go, me! [13:05] Osomatsu     And today, after so long,     I'm finally reuniting with the other guys. [13:11] Osomatsu     I'm sure that they've become     even more proper than I have. [13:15] Karamatsu     Yo, Osomatsu. [13:17] Osomatsu     You're... Karamatsu! [13:21] Karamatsu     It's been a while, Osomatsu. [13:23] Osomatsu     Wow, that's amazing! You grew up properly! [13:27] Karamatsu     Well, this isn't all. [13:29] Osomatsu     Huh? [13:32] Osomatsu     Wh-Who are those guys? [13:37] Osomatsu     What?! [13:59] Karamatsu     Mission complete. [14:01] Osomatsu     You're doing it properly!     You're sci-fi now, Karamatsu? [14:05] Osomatsu     So you went that direction! [14:06] Osomatsu     Man, you've grown up so much! [14:08] Karamatsu     Well, I worked hard. [14:10] Osomatsu     I see! You're doing it properly! [14:12] Totoko     Osomatsu-niisan! Karamatsu-niisan! [14:14] Choro     It's been a while. [14:16] Osomatsu     Choromatsu! Totoko-chan! [14:19] Karamatsu     Oh, so you guys also properly... [14:22] Choro (totoko)     Have you been well, Osomatsu-kun? [14:24] Osomatsu     Huh? [14:24] Totoko (choromatsu)     How have you been, Karamatsu-niisan? [14:26] Karamatsu     Huh? [14:28] Karamatsu     C-Could it be that you two... [14:30] Totoko     That's right. My body and Totoko-chan's      have been switched. [14:35] Both     They're doing it properly! [14:37] Osomatsu     Boys and girls switching bodies?     You guys are doing it so properly! [14:41] Karamatsu     That'll be a hit! It'll be so popular! [14:44] Karamatsu     How'd you even switch bodies? [14:46] Totoko     We worked hard. [14:47] Karamatsu     Well done! [14:48] Choromatsu     We worked real hard. [14:49] Karamatsu     I see! That's great! [14:50] Ichimatsu     Guys! [14:52] Four     Ichimatsu?! [14:56] Ichimatsu     Guys, I'm going on a quest     to find the mysterious temple [15:01] Ichimatsu     called Under the Pulse     that's said to be under the sea. [15:04] Ichimatsu     But none of the adults in Heaven believe me.     That's why I'm going to find it. [15:09] Ichimatsu     With my sword and my undying passion, [15:11] Ichimatsu     I'll put an end to this battle of the gods! [15:14] Choro and totoko     He's doing it properly! [15:16] Choromatsu     An adventure fantasy!     There's no doubt about it! [15:18] Choromatsu     That's a hit in every generation! [15:20] Totoko     You've grown up so much! [15:22] Ichimatsu     Well, I worked hard. [15:23] Totoko     I see. [15:24] Jyushimatsu     Hey, guys! [15:27] Five     Jyushimatsu! [15:44] Ichimatsu     He's doing it properly! [15:46] Ichimatsu     You went 3D? That's so great! [15:50] Jyushimatsu     I worked hard! [15:51] Ichimatsu     I see. [15:53] Todomatsu     Hey, hey! [15:54] Six     Todomatsu! [15:58] Jyushimatsu     He's doing it properly! [16:01] Totty     I'm Totty. [16:02] Totty     Sorry to keep you all waiting! [16:04] Jyushimatsu     Live action, huh?     So that's the final form... [16:07] Karamatsu     We've developed in so many ways. [16:09] Osomatsu     You're all amazing!     I almost didn't recognize you! [16:12] Osomatsu     We're all doing this properly! [16:19] Bg     We're doing it properly! [16:21] ---     We're proper, all right! [16:24] Iyami     Sheeeh! It's not over yet! [16:28] Osomatsu     That's... [16:33] Iyami     I'll be the one to rule over this world! [16:36] Chibita     Everyone who resists will be killed, you idjits. [16:42] Jyushimatsu     There you are, proper enemy! [16:44] Osomatsu     All right, let's defeat him! [16:46] Five     Yeah! [16:47] Six     Let's go! [16:56] Osomatsu     Take off properly! [16:58] Five     Take off properly! [17:00] Osomatsu     A proper mecha! [17:02] Five     A proper mecha! [17:04] Song     We still can't get enough [17:07] Song     Of dreams, love, and desires [17:09] Song     It's not just all about justice and courage [17:13] Osomatsu     Transform properly! [17:15] Five     Transform properly! [17:15] ---     The established regularity     of the world will sustain us [17:18] Osomatsu     Combine properly! [17:21] Five     Combine properly! [17:21] ---     Unleash the proper power of the future [17:32] ---     Properly combine [17:35] Osomatsu     A proper ultimate attack! [17:35] ---     Properly, yeah, yeah [17:37] ---     We'll change everything     ourselves if we have to [17:37] Five     A proper ultimate attack! [17:41] Chibita     The hell?! You idjits! Damn it! [17:43] ---     We're going to get our hands on a proper future [17:49] Iyami     Sheeeh! [17:49] ---     With our proper lives [17:51] Osomatsu     We're having a proper momentary crisis! [17:54] Five     We're having a proper momentary crisis! [17:56] Iyami     Sheeeh! [18:02] Osomatsu     But... we'll defeat him properly! [18:03] ---     Properly transform [18:04] Five     We'll defeat him properly! [18:05] ---     Properly run [18:07] ---     So we can take hold of our proper future [18:08] Iyami     Sh-Sheeeh! [18:23] Osomatsu     And then... [18:25] Osomatsu     We linger properly. [18:28] Five     We linger properly. [18:34] Osomatsu     We're so great! [18:37] Five     We're so great! [18:40] Osomatsu     We're perfect! [18:42] Five     We're perfect! [19:02] Nar     And so the sextuplets     successfully became proper, [19:06] Nar     and were reborn into a proper,     wonderful anime. SIGN    To Be Continued [19:11] Nar     Please look forward to     next week's episode, too. [19:25] Osomatsu     All right! Let's continue to work hard! [19:27] Osomatsu     That way, our future will be... [19:29] Osomatsu     secure! [19:31] Five     Secure! [19:32] Osomatsu     Secure! [19:34] Five     Secure! [19:35] Osomatsu     This is how... [19:36] All     ...it should be! SIGN    Kill the Matsu! [19:38] Guy     The hell you're being proper,     you shitty anime! [19:41] Mob     You're wrong! [19:42] Mob     What do you mean, "proper"?! [19:44] Mob     Get a grip, you pieces of trash! [19:46] Nar     And so the sextuplets were     shit if they got big heads... [19:49] Nar     and they were shit even if     they did things properly. [19:52] Nar     They wandered into a labyrinth     with absolutely no exit. [19:56] Nar     And then... [19:58] Nar     they became adults [20:00] Nar     without ever figuring out what they     should do, or where they should go. [20:08] Todomatsu     No, no, no... [20:09] Jyushimatsu     No, no, no... [20:10] Ichimatsu     No, no, no, no, no... [20:11] Choromatsu     No, no, no... [20:12] Karamatsu     No, no, no... [20:13] Osomatsu     No, no, no, no... [20:19] Choromatsu     No, seriously! What are we supposed to do?! [20:21] Choromatsu     We didn't change at all in the end! [20:23] Choromatsu     There's an episode next week, too! [20:25] Osomatsu     Well, um, you know... [20:29] Osomatsu     We basically don't have a future. [20:34] Nar     After this and that, [20:37] Nar     their story is about to begin once again. SIGN    End SIGN    Next Time on Mr. Osomatsu SIGN    "Super Detergent" etc. [23:44] Osomatsu     Heya! We should at least do the     next episode preview properly. [23:46] Osomatsu     Here's the first one for next week!     It's finally g— SIGN    Please Watch Again!!