49 - Ordinary Stories

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] ---
    When watching "Hayate the Combat Butler",
[00:06] ---
    make sure you keep the room bright
    and sit well away from the TV.
[00:12] ---
    Oh, it'll be spring soon.
[00:14] ---
    The third term will be
    over before we know it.
[00:17] ---
    You think so? It felt incredibly long to me.
[00:20] ---
    But the only days you attended school
[00:22] ---
    are that day with the whole fuss
    about Miss Katsura possibly quitting
[00:24] ---
    and in the episode that
    aired before this one.
[00:27] ---
    I'm technically the main heroine,
[00:28] ---
    so I can't ditch in an episode
    centered on Hakuou Academy...
[00:33] ---
    There you go again with that nonsense...
[00:36] ---
    Okay, we're leaving, Hayate.
[00:38] ---
    Sheesh. School is just such a drag.
[00:41] ---
    Well, it'd be a different story if this
    were Hourai Academy or Cromartie High.
[00:47] ---
    Also, I'd love to wear the
    Ashford Academy's uniform.
[00:51] ---
    *The Miss's dislike for school
    certainly is a problem... *
[00:56] ---
    Well, well, if it isn't...
[00:59] ---
    ...Hayata and Nagi!
[01:02] ---
    Man, what a coincidence!
[01:04] ---
    What might you ladies be up to?
[01:06] ---
    We thought we would participate
    in some club activities for once.
[01:09] ---
    Club activities?
[01:10] ---
    Wow, I had totally assumed that you
    all belonged to the "Go Home" Club.
[01:16] ---
    Curious, Hayata?
[01:18] ---
    What?! No, not especially...
[01:20] ---
    What was that? You'd love to come observe?
[01:23] ---
    Huh?
[01:23] ---
    Then come drop by the club room!
[01:25] ---
    Come, come!
[01:28] ---
    Oh, w-wait!
[01:31] ---
    *Just as we'd planned. *
[01:33] ---
    *Do you know, ladies and gentlemen? *
[01:35] ---
    *That a humongous mansion like
    this exists somewhere in Tokyo? *
[01:40] ---
    *The Miss's name is Nagi Sanzenin. And... *
[01:44] ---
    *Her butler's name is Hayate Ayasaki. *
[01:47] ---
    *They are both a bit clueless *
[01:49] ---
    *and both have a bit of the
    wrong idea about each other, *
[01:51] ---
    *but they share the immensely strong, loving
    bond between servant and mistress. *
[01:57] ---
    This is a story from when Smiley-Smiley
    were still able to fly in the sky.
[02:02] ---
    Zettai nante shinjinai!
     I don't believe in absolutes!
[02:05] ---
    Fukanou nante nai!
    No such thing as impossible!
[02:07] ---
    Mirai wa hiraku te no naka ni aru
     The future is in the open palm of my hands
[02:13] ---
    Honne o misecha make datoka
    Stuff like, showing your true feelings means defeat
[02:18] ---
    Dentaku hajiku jinsei datoka
     Or a life tapping away at a calculator
[02:24] ---
    Kokoro o itsuwaru kurai nara
     Rather than be false to myself like that
[02:29] ---
    Shichiten-battou baka-shoujiki mo kuuzen-zetsugo!
    I'll struggle to be uniquely naïve and honest!
[02:35] ---
    Komatta kao o mireba ki-ni-naru shi
     If I see a troubled look, I'll be concerned
[02:40] ---
    Jinsei isogu riyuu mo betsuni nai shi
    And it's not like I've got a reason to hurry through life
[02:45] ---
    Takara no chizu wa kimi ni azukeyou
    I'll entrust you with the treasure map
[02:51] ---
    Juuou-mujin yori-michi datte tsukiau yo!
    I'll even keep you company on your free-ranging detours
[02:57] ---
    Rakkii-sugiru tenkai
    A development that's way too lucky
[02:59] ---
    Kotae wa mayowanai
    I won't hesitate to give my answer
[03:02] ---
    Kantan sa! Subete wa kimi no tame ni
    It's easy! It's all for you
[03:07] ---
    Fuuhyou wa ki-ni-shinai
    I won't worry about the rumors
[03:10] ---
    Rettou-kan ni doujinai!
     I won't let a sense of inferiority get to me!
[03:13] ---
    Kakedasu shunkan wa ima koko ni aru
    The moment to start running is right here, right now
[03:32] ---
    Ordinary Stories
[03:36] ---
    Society for the Research of Video?
[03:38] ---
    Society for the Research of Video
[03:38] ---
    Or rather, this is an awfully
    distinctive club house...
[03:42] ---
    This building was apparently designed
    to the tastes of our founding senpai.
[03:49] ---
    Oh!
[03:50] ---
    This is 16mm film!
[03:50] ---
    Illustrative Clip
[03:51] ---
    And this is a super-HARP camera!
[03:54] ---
    Oh, I get it!
[03:56] ---
    In other words, this is a film society!
[03:57] ---
    A society for the research of film!
[03:59] ---
    Huh?
[04:00] ---
    What are you saying?
[04:01] ---
    Mr. Rabbit.
[04:02] ---
    Huh? It's not?
[04:05] ---
    We've got no interest
    whatsoever in making films.
[04:07] ---
    We can't do difficult things like that.
[04:10] ---
    Then, what do you do?
[04:12] ---
    What else?!
[04:15] ---
    We record and collect interesting and
    funny videos, both past and present,
[04:19] ---
    and burst out laughing together!
[04:21] ---
    That is what we do here,
[04:22] ---
    always smiley-smiley Society
    for the Research of Video!
[04:24] ---
    For short, we call it...
[04:25] ---
    YouTuubee
[04:26] ---
    YouTuubee!
[04:28] ---
    F-For short?
[04:29] ---
    In other words, it is a "Killing Time" Club.
[04:32] ---
    Who are you accusing of killing time?!
[04:33] ---
    Society for the Research of Video, huh?
[04:36] ---
    It sounds a bit interesting.
[04:38] ---
    *What?! U-Unbelievable! *
[04:40] ---
    *The Miss is taking an interest in
    having dealings with other people! *
[04:43] ---
    *No, isn't she taking an interest in videos? *
[04:46] ---
    Come to think of it, are you
    involved in any clubs, Little Nagi?
[04:49] ---
    Huh? No, nothing especially right now...
[04:51] ---
    Ah! Then why don't you give this a try?
[04:53] ---
    Our club was originally formed
    to make videos of cute girls,
[04:56] ---
    so it's an easygoing club.
[04:58] ---
    It'll at least serve to make some memories.
[05:01] ---
    Hmm, what should I do...
[05:04] ---
    *Th-This is an opportunity! *
[05:05] ---
    *The Miss tends to socially withdrawn, *
[05:07] ---
    *so this is a unique chance to have
    her enjoy a proper school life! *
[05:11] ---
    *How could I call myself a butler
    if I do not encourage this?! *
[05:14] ---
    *All right! *
[05:15] ---
    Wow, that sounds very interesting.
[05:18] ---
    So? So? What kind of videos
    do you make, specifically?
[05:22] ---
    Well, our projects are just
    kind of scattered over there.
[05:26] ---
    Oh, then let us watch some of it.
[05:32] ---
    As I recall, you said you
    made videos of cute girls...
[05:39] ---
    Hello, I'm Hayako Ayasaki.
[05:41] ---
    I'm a slightly mischievous 16-year-old.
[05:44] ---
    Oh, someone wonderful, come
    take Hayako on a date!
[05:49] ---
    Oh! That was a great project!
[05:53] ---
    What are you doing secretly taping me?!
[05:54] ---
    And you even dubbed dialogue over it!
[05:56] ---
    What's wrong with that? It's fun.
[05:57] ---
    Incidentally, we have cameras
    set up all over the place.
[06:00] ---
    From the top of Mount Everest to Shizuka's
    bathing room at the Minamoto residence.
[06:07] ---
    No filming! No filming!
[06:09] ---
    Then how about something like this?
[06:11] ---
    What?
[06:16] ---
    Miss Makimura, I... I just...
[06:20] ---
    Y-You can't, Ayasaki. You and
    I are student and teacher!
[06:25] ---
    Oh, I want to stay like
    this forever with you!
[06:29] ---
    You dumb jerk! Don't make trouble for me!
[06:31] ---
    Havin' affairs shows what a man's made of.
[06:33] ---
    Women provide fodder for the arts.
[06:41] ---
    This makes it look like I'm some
    terribly licentious "sensualist"!
[06:46] ---
    Hey, Hayate, what was that just now?!
[06:49] ---
    Th-They're accidents! Every single
    one of them was by complete accident!
[06:53] ---
    Miss.
[06:56] ---
    Let us excuse ourselves now.
[06:58] ---
    What? You're leaving, Hayata?
[07:00] ---
    You just got here.
[07:02] ---
    Being shown any more strange
    videos is more than I can bear!
[07:08] ---
    Don't say that!
[07:09] ---
    Please, help us!
[07:12] ---
    Huh? Help you? What do you mean?
[07:18] ---
    You seem to be having fun, my friends.
[07:20] ---
    Ms. Superintendent! Wh-What
    are you doing here?
[07:23] ---
    Today is Onsite Club Inspection Day,
    which Mistress Kuzuha conducts herself!
[07:27] ---
    Huh? Onsite inspection?
[07:30] ---
    I check to make sure no one is deviating
    from what students should be doing.
[07:33] ---
    That's right.
[07:35] ---
    Wow, I guess she does some
    serious work once in a while.
[07:39] ---
    Do not be fooled, Hayata.
[07:42] ---
    What?
[07:44] ---
    There's no way she's doing serious work!
[07:46] ---
    You have no idea how the students have
    suffered because of these onsite inspections!
[07:50] ---
    For example, the tennis team...
[07:53] ---
    They don't even have a lethal technique
    on the order of a Boomerang Snake?
[07:56] ---
    Disbanded.
[07:58] ---
    And the American football team...
[08:02] ---
    They can't even do the Sky Devil Bat Dive?
[08:04] ---
    Disbanded.
[08:06] ---
    Furthermore, the Puppeteering Club...
[08:06] ---
    I have come to save you, princess!
[08:07] ---
    "Will you wind? Or not wind?" is it?
[08:08] ---
    Thank you.
[08:10] ---
    So they're not windup dolls...
[08:10] ---
    Come, let us go home.
[08:12] ---
    Disbanded.
[08:14] ---
    Thus, countless clubs have been shut down.
[08:18] ---
    I don't wanna get shut down!
[08:21] ---
    Which is why we were plotting
    to invite into our club
[08:24] ---
    the superintendent's favorite guys,
    which is to say, you, Hayata,
[08:27] ---
    and furthermore, to show her
    numerous seductive videos of you,
[08:30] ---
    which would strike a chord
    with the superintendent!
[08:33] ---
    And yet...
[08:34] ---
    Uh, but there's no way the superintendent
    would enjoy seeing such...
[08:39] ---
    Wh-What?!
[08:40] ---
    Th-This was candid video of Hayate Ayasaki
    in delightfully embarrassing situations?!
[08:45] ---
    I wish I could've seen it!
[08:46] ---
    I totally wish I could've seen it!
[08:48] ---
    Mistress Kuzuha!
[08:50] ---
    I have made up my mind!
[08:51] ---
    I order the Society for the Research
    of Video to be disbanded at once!
[08:53] ---
    What?!
[08:56] ---
    Starting tomorrow, you will be the
    Society for the Research of Ono no Imoko
[08:58] ---
    or the Society for the Research of
    Eating Udon Noodles Through Your Nose!
[09:02] ---
    Can't you at least make
    it a more normal club?
[09:04] ---
    Aw, man, and we were about to
    make the best video of all, too.
[09:09] ---
    What? The best video of all?
[09:11] ---
    We were planning on showing
    it to you, too, but...
[09:15] ---
    What kind of video was it?
[09:17] ---
    A collection of end credit bloopers!
[09:20] ---
    End credit...?
[09:22] ---
    Oh, you know all those Jackie films?
[09:24] ---
    You know how his films show
    bloopers during the end credits?
[09:27] ---
    Those things.
[09:29] ---
    "Those things"...
[09:30] ---
    Oh-ho...
[09:31] ---
    I like those.
[09:33] ---
    I have to say I think
    Jackie's not bad myself.
[09:35] ---
    *Unbelievable! *
[09:36] ---
    *The Miss is showing interest in
    something that is not 2-dimensional! *
[09:39] ---
    *As a butler, I absolutely must
    do this for my mistress! *
[09:47] ---
    Hey!
[09:49] ---
    If you want to back out, now's your chance!
[09:55] ---
    Go for it, Hayate!
[09:59] ---
    This is incredible!
[10:00] ---
    There's no way I can miss this!
[10:02] ---
    Uh, I think it might be
    better if he didn't...
[10:06] ---
    Then, here I go, everyone!
[10:08] ---
    So will Jackie do it?!
[10:10] ---
    Fly, Jackie!
[10:17] ---
    *Meanwhile, right around the same time... *
[10:19] ---
    Oh, Miss Makimura, you can't
    videotape stuff like this!
[10:25] ---
    Honestly! I said, no!
[10:31] ---
    I never imagined such old
    footage would surface again...
[10:34] ---
    *In the world of the internet, *
[10:36] ---
    *it is difficult to recover video
    that has once been circulated. *
[10:38] ---
    *Be careful with that. *
[10:42] ---
    I-I love you, okay? Sheesh.
    (Su-Sukinanda kara, mou.)
[10:46] ---
    I'm crying because I'm happy, you moron!
    (Ureshi-naki ja, boke!)
[10:49] ---
    First Hakuou Academy Society
    for the Research of Video...
[10:52] ---
    ...Fun-Fun...
[10:53] ---
    ...Ordinary Story Championship!
[10:56] ---
    Huh? What is this all of a sudden?
[10:59] ---
    Come on. What is this?
[11:01] ---
    Why the...
[11:02] ---
    ...title says it all!
[11:03] ---
    For the Society for the Research of
    Video, safety really comes first!
[11:05] ---
    We have decided to return
    to our original purpose
[11:08] ---
    and make videos that the entire family
    can enjoy in their living rooms!
[11:10] ---
    Yup!
[11:12] ---
    Uh...
[11:13] ---
    After everything we've been through,
    we won't let you back out now.
[11:16] ---
    We entered into a secret agreement
    with the superintendent
[11:18] ---
    that if we submit a funny
    video with you in it,
[11:21] ---
    she'll triple our budget for the next term!
[11:23] ---
    When did you do that?!
[11:25] ---
    And Little Nagi's given her consent
    to cooperate as a member of the club.
[11:29] ---
    What?!
[11:30] ---
    I saw nothing wrong with that.
[11:32] ---
    But what is this Ordinary Story Championship?
[11:35] ---
    So good of you to ask, Nagi-pon!
[11:37] ---
    In other words, Nagi-rin...
[11:39] ---
    ...this is what it's about, Nagi Springfield!
[11:42] ---
    Uh, um, won't you please address
    me normally as "Nagi"...?
[11:45] ---
    It happened when I was back in grade school.
[11:47] ---
    Um...
[11:48] ---
    I went to this one shabby fishing
    village in the countryside.
[11:52] ---
    It was as if time had
    stopped in this village.
[11:56] ---
    It was a pretty spooky place to begin with,
[11:59] ---
    but at the bed and breakfast where
    we stayed, there was even...
[12:01] ---
    ...a crumbling statue of Kinjiro
    Ninomiya facing the ocean.
[12:06] ---
    According to the proprietress
    of the bed and breakfast...
[12:08] ---
    You see, at night, that statue
    turns around to glare behind him
[12:11] ---
    to make sure none of the children
    staying at the inn are up.
[12:14] ---
    So you must never stay up late.
[12:18] ---
    Oh, I've heard of these.
[12:20] ---
    I see, so you're going to
    collect these common stories.
[12:24] ---
    No!
[12:26] ---
    This is where the story gets good.
[12:28] ---
    When I heard that, it made me want
    to see if it was true, you know?
[12:32] ---
    So a bunch of us kids snuck out
    in the middle of the night.
[12:36] ---
    It was truly the dead of night.
[12:38] ---
    Even thinking back now, I
    wish we hadn't gone, but...
[12:42] ---
    It was pitch black.
[12:44] ---
    And the weather was bad, too.
[12:45] ---
    The wind sounded like people moaning...
[12:49] ---
    We waited for 10 minutes, then 20.
[12:51] ---
    It was summer, but oddly chilly.
[12:54] ---
    And suddenly, we looked around
    and we couldn't believe our eyes!
[13:00] ---
    Before we knew it, we'd fallen
    asleep and morning had come.
[13:03] ---
    So, what about the Kinjiro statue?
[13:06] ---
    Well, we were all asleep,
    so we weren't able to check.
[13:09] ---
    What?!
[13:10] ---
    What a worthless story! And you
    spent roughly 17 scenes telling it?!
[13:14] ---
    So, we're going to collect stories like that,
[13:17] ---
    where only ordinary things happen
    that aren't worth telling about.
[13:19] ---
    And we want to collect videos
    that'll make you think,
[13:22] ---
    "Aw, man, that sure was a waste of time!"
[13:25] ---
    There is no need for such videos!
[13:29] ---
    But everyone's got a worthless
    story or two like that!
[13:34] ---
    Come on now. Are you sure
    you don't have one, too?
[13:37] ---
    A worthless story that you have tucked away?
[13:40] ---
    W-Well...
[13:42] ---
    I, um...
[13:44] ---
    ...used to live in a really rundown
    house when I was little, but...
[13:47] ---
    Yeah, yeah?
[13:48] ---
    You have a story?!
[13:51] ---
    This house was really truly rundown
[13:53] ---
    and the windows always rattled at night.
[13:58] ---
    One night, I was at home alone
[14:00] ---
    and back then, our electricity had
    been stopped, so it was pitch black.
[14:04] ---
    I tried to get in my futon and go to sleep,
[14:07] ---
    but I suddenly realized something.
[14:09] ---
    That strangely, the rattling sound
    was louder than usual somehow.
[14:15] ---
    I should've been scared,
[14:16] ---
    but I went to the window, as if
    I was drawn there by something...
[14:20] ---
    I gently drew the curtain aside and
    slowly looked out the window...
[14:25] ---
    And the wind was blowing harder than usual.
[14:31] ---
    What of it?!
[14:33] ---
    Nothing happened!
[14:35] ---
    Huh?
[14:36] ---
    But that is precisely what
    we were talking about.
[14:38] ---
    That's our Hayata! That was a good story!
[14:40] ---
    Uh, thank you very much.
[14:42] ---
    Me, me, me! I wanna tell a story, too!
[14:45] ---
    Miss Katsura! Where did you come from?!
[14:49] ---
    You know how I'm not in the
    night duty room during the day?
[14:53] ---
    One day, after work, I suddenly
    felt it the moment I went inside.
[14:59] ---
    I thought, "Oh, something's strange."
[15:01] ---
    At a glance, nothing had changed
    in the room, but I could tell.
[15:04] ---
    That something important was gone.
[15:09] ---
    I searched my room thoroughly
[15:12] ---
    and I finally figured out what was missing.
[15:17] ---
    It was...
[15:18] ---
    It was?
[15:19] ---
    ...that my wallet was completely empty!
[15:23] ---
    What the hell?!
[15:25] ---
    With a 500 million percent certainty,
    that's because you spent it yourself!
[15:29] ---
    Oh? The mic...
[15:30] ---
    If I may be so bold, I think I will
    have you listen to my story as well.
[15:34] ---
    Mr. Klaus?! Um, this is our school...
[15:38] ---
    Since it has come to this, I will
    appear in any scene I can get into.
[15:41] ---
    Now, ahem.
[15:43] ---
    There was a time at the Sanzenin residence
[15:45] ---
    when we had a dog named Lucky
    running loose in the yard.
[15:48] ---
    Come to think of it, we had
    a stupid dog like that...
[15:52] ---
    He certainly was a stupid dog,
[15:54] ---
    but well, by around 6 in the evening, he
    would always be back in his hut, sleeping.
[15:57] ---
    Lucky
[15:58] ---
    But one day, evening came
    and he had not returned.
[16:01] ---
    Lucky
[16:02] ---
    He was left running loose, but he did
    not appear to have left the yard.
[16:05] ---
    However, no matter how stupid he was,
[16:07] ---
    it seemed unlikely that he
    had gotten lost in the yard.
[16:09] ---
    I looked for Lucky all night long.
[16:12] ---
    But he was nowhere to be
    found and a day passed...
[16:16] ---
    And a second day passed...
[16:19] ---
    Lucky did not return to his hut.
[16:22] ---
    However, on the third day, unbelievably,
    Lucky was back in his hut!
[16:27] ---
    Ooh!
[16:28] ---
    Wh-Why?!
[16:31] ---
    Uh, that was the end of the story.
[16:35] ---
    Thank you for listening.
[16:38] ---
    What happened to Lucky
    during those three days?!
[16:40] ---
    Who knows?
[16:42] ---
    Take that!
[16:45] ---
    Then, could I try telling a story, too?
[16:48] ---
    We were cleaning up around the house
    when Kotetsu found an old wooden box.
[16:53] ---
    Unbelievably, what we found inside
[16:56] ---
    was the withered mummified
    hand of a water imp!
[16:58] ---
    And there were words carved into
    the back of the wooden box.
[17:02] ---
    It said that this hand would
    grant its owner any 3 wishes.
[17:06] ---
    So? Did you make any wishes?
[17:08] ---
    Don't do it! There's bound
    to be a terrible curse!
[17:11] ---
    The thing is, unbelievably...
[17:13] ---
    Unbelievably...
[17:14] ---
    ...we put it out with the
    unburnable trash the next day!
[17:17] ---
    What?!
[17:17] ---
    Hey, shouldn't a water imp's
    hand be burnable trash?
SIGN    Sorting and collection of trash differs by region.
[17:20] ---
    Yes, that is right. It is burnable trash.
SIGN    Your local municipality will have the information, but...
[17:22] ---
    Oh, right. That was careless of us.
SIGN    Lately, there has been a lot of trash that has been sorted wrongly.
SIGN    Be sure to properly sort burnable trash, unburnable trash, etc.
[17:25] ---
    And it's turned into an ordinary
    discussion of trash...
SIGN    and put it out on time on the day of collection in the trash collection area.
[17:28] ---
    All right, I am next.
[17:31] ---
    Are you familiar with
    the term "doppelganger"?
[17:35] ---
    This refers to a phenomenon where you bump
    into someone who looks exactly like you.
[17:40] ---
    It is said that those who see their
    doppelganger will die soon thereafter.
[17:44] ---
    Supposedly, Lincoln also saw his
    the day before he was assassinated.
[17:47] ---
    The Japanese poet Murou Saisei...
[17:49] ---
    He also had just such a doppelganger.
[17:51] ---
    This is sounding rather like an urban legend.
[17:57] ---
    Don't you think "Murou Saisei" sounds just
    like "slow saisei (slow motion replay)"?
[18:01] ---
    What?!
SIGN    "toudai motokurashi (the darkest place is under the candlestick)"
[18:03] ---
    Also, "toudai motokurashi" and "Taisho
    democracy" are exactly alike.
[18:07] ---
    And also "Jurassic Park" and "Juraku
    ni nisan-paku (2-3 nights at Juraku)".
[18:09] ---
    This is more like a meaningless
    story than an ordinary one...
[18:13] ---
    Whether you believe or not is up to you.
[18:16] ---
    Um...
[18:18] ---
    If you would like, I could tell
    a story about my family home.
[18:22] ---
    Oh, Saki!
[18:23] ---
    My family home was rundown
[18:25] ---
    and the stairs creaked
    whenever one of us used it.
[18:30] ---
    One day, the entire family
    was having dinner downstairs,
[18:34] ---
    when we heard the familiar
    noise from the stairs.
[18:37] ---
    So, my mother said, "Our home really
    has become rundown, hasn't it?"
[18:41] ---
    And she had it remodeled.
[18:42] ---
    And what an ordinary story that was!
[18:45] ---
    Sheesh!
[18:46] ---
    I've been listening for a while now and
    you've been telling some boring stories.
[18:50] ---
    Oh? Wataru?
[18:51] ---
    Oh, I was wondering who
    had come, but you are...
[18:53] ---
    Club President! You're our club president!
[18:55] ---
    Club president?
[18:56] ---
    Yup, that's right.
[18:57] ---
    This boy is none other than
[18:59] ---
    the current president of the Society for
    the Research of Video, Wataru Tachibana!
[19:03] ---
    Ta-da!
[19:05] ---
    Uh, they just made me their
    president without asking,
[19:08] ---
    When in the world?
[19:10] ---
    I will have you know, our
    president is amazing.
[19:12] ---
    He makes anime MAD openings that
    ordinary people would think were real.
[19:17] ---
    All the "guy voice" videos were
    made by the president, too!
[19:20] ---
    What?!
[19:21] ---
    No, it's not true.
[19:23] ---
    When you get down to it, all your stories
    are just left hanging there with no punch line.
[19:27] ---
    That's our president for you.
[19:29] ---
    Then, what?
[19:30] ---
    Are you saying you can tell a
    funny story that has a punch line?
[19:33] ---
    Hard to say.
[19:35] ---
    All I'm saying is that I want an ordinary
    story that touches the heart more.
[19:40] ---
    An ordinary story that touches the heart...
[19:43] ---
    Yeah, for example...
[19:45] ---
    This is about the universe, but...
[19:47] ---
    You know that the universe is expanding
    at an incredible rate, right?
[19:50] ---
    Y-Yes...
[19:52] ---
    At the same time, you also know that light's
    the fastest thing in the universe, right?
[19:57] ---
    Well, that's common knowledge.
[19:59] ---
    But the universe's rate of expansion gets
    faster the farther it is from Earth.
[20:04] ---
    So the farther a star is from
    Earth, the faster it's moving away
[20:10] ---
    and finally, impossibly, those
    stars surpass the speed of light!
[20:15] ---
    What?!
[20:16] ---
    What did you say?!
[20:20] ---
    Isn't that fascinating?
[20:23] ---
    P-President...
[20:24] ---
    Could it be that's the end?
[20:28] ---
    *Thus, they say an incredibly
    meaningless day ended. *
[20:36] ---
    I wish something nice would happen.
[20:38] ---
    Huh?
[20:39] ---
    A p-peach?! What's it doing here?
[20:42] ---
    Th-This is...!
[20:44] ---
    I can't reach it!
[20:46] ---
    I know! Since I can't reach it...
[20:49] ---
    I'll buy a can of peaches on the way home.
[20:51] ---
    Ring-a-ding. Ring-a-ding.
[20:53] ---
    *And here was yet another ordinary story. *
[20:55] ---
    *Next time, they will fight against
    a neighborhood quiz contest. *
[21:00] ---
    Right now, we're in front of Yukiji's room.
[21:03] ---
    Let's go right ahead and check
    to see if she's up or not.
[21:07] ---
    Oops, but before we do...
[21:11] ---
    To all of you watching "Hayate
    the Combat Butler"...
[21:14] ---
    This will probably be the last time
    that we will be featured in an episode.
[21:18] ---
    This and that. Looking back, a lot
    of things happened, didn't it?
[21:22] ---
    Yup, yup.
[21:23] ---
    It puts us in a slightly sentimental mood.
[21:26] ---
    But the end is the start
    of the end of the start.
[21:29] ---
    Let us meet again someday!
[21:31] ---
    And a one, two... Bye-bye!
[21:33] ---
    Miss Committee Chairman,
     Red Izumi Segawa
[21:33] ---
    Hey, come wake me up!
[21:35] ---
    Vice Chairman, Blue Miki Hanabishi
[21:35] ---
    It's rare, I tell you! Rare!
[21:36] ---
    Video of me waking up will easily get
    300,000 views and 100,000 comments in one night!
[21:36] ---
    Disciplinary Committee Member,
     Black Risa Asakaze
[21:45] ---
    I nailed it!
[21:47] ---
    No way!
[21:50] ---
    The End
[21:58] ---
    Aisaretai fureraretetai
    I want to be loved, to feel that touch
[22:07] ---
    Motomeru bakari no kimochi wa
    The sense of continually seeking
[22:12] ---
    Hibi o kumoraseteta
    Used to darken my days
[22:17] ---
    Kimi ni deau sono hi made wa
    Until the day I met you
[22:26] ---
    Namae yonde sora ni hibiku-youni
    Call my name so it echoes to the skies
[22:35] ---
    Mayoi-michi mo kitto futari nara
    Even lost, with the two of us, surely...
[22:43] ---
    Tsunaida te to te hanasanai
    I won't let go of your hand
[22:49] ---
    Mamoritainda
    I want to protect you
[22:53] ---
    Saa ikou bokura wa
    Come on, let's go, we'll...
[22:57] ---
    Ima o mitsumete aruki-hajimeru
    ...look at the present and start walking
[23:26] ---
    This is Nagi...
[23:27] ---
    ...and Hayate...
[23:28] ---
    17-year-old Maria's Butler Report
SIGN    Lettering by Rie Tanaka
[23:28] ---
    ...and 17-year-old Maria's...
[23:29] ---
    Butler Report
[23:29] ---
    ...Butler Report!
[23:31] ---
    Pakkyuruun, I'm Nagi Sanzenin!
[23:33] ---
    I am Hayate Ayasaki.
[23:34] ---
    I am Maria, 17 years old.
[23:35] ---
    The days have been cold, but
    I hope you've been well.
[23:38] ---
    When it's cold like this, it's best
    not to force yourself to go out
[23:40] ---
    and to immerse yourself
    in online games at home.
[23:41] ---
    If you do that, you won't become a
    master at living life like Maria.
[23:44] ---
    Oh, my, Hayate. But I'm only a
    year older than you, you know.
[23:47] ---
    Oh, pardon me, but you're so mature.
    Even kind of middle-aged...
[23:50] ---
    Now, here's today's fan service shot.
[23:52] ---
    Please continue to give your support
    to "Hayate the Combat Butler".
[23:56] ---
    Preview
[23:56] ---
    Shine! Jump out! Shake your hips!
[23:59] ---
    *The 4256th High School Girls Ultra Quiz! *
SIGN    The next episode of
    "Hayate the Combat Butler" is...
[24:03] ---
    *Your hosts will be myself, Teruo Mikiri... *
[24:05] ---
    ...and Demonking Abe, tima!
[24:07] ---
    The participating duos will be 10,000 pairs of
    girls who have gathered from all across the country, tima!
[24:10] ---
    *Now, which pair will win
    the crown of victory? *
[24:13] ---
    I can't wait, tima!
[24:14] ---
    Next time, "Quiz! Written as
    'Foe' and Read as 'Friend'!!"
[24:17] ---
    Why do I have to end up
    in this with the hamster?
[24:19] ---
    Quiz! Written as "Foe" and Read as "Friend"!!
[24:19] ---
    Once again, next time on "Hayate the Combat
    Butler", we'll be doing... the straining pose!
[24:22] ---
    I feel the surge!
[24:25] ---