20 - I Couldn't Do the Maid Turn

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    April
[01:35] fat
    I'm considering passing over
    into the afterlife...
[01:38] nar
    Does everyone remember
    this character?
[01:42] nar
    The wandering specter of
    Father Rean Radiostar
[01:46] nar
    is currently residing at
    the Sanzenin estate.
[01:57] hay
    I was just thinking I hadn't
    seen him for a while...
[02:01] hay
    I wonder if it's because
    it's now spring.
[02:04] nar
    This episode revolves around this wandering
    specter and some maids.
SIGN    I Couldn't Do the Maid Turn
[02:14] hay
    I see. Take care.
[02:17] hay
    When you do pass over,
[02:20] hay
    I'll hold a little service for you and put
    a bouquet of flowers on the ground.
[02:24] fat
    I knew this'd be over your head.
[02:26] hay
    What did you say? That really pissed
    me off for some reason!
[02:29] fat
    Let me explain it in layman's terms so that
    even a dunce like you can understand.
[02:33] fat
    Are you listening carefully? If a person's spirit remains
    in the mortal realm after they've died,
[02:37] fat
    it means they still harbor
    overwhelming regrets.
[02:41] fat
    Basically, something has shackled
    them to the world.
[02:43] fat
    Because I have these regrets, it means
    I can't pass over into the afterlife.
[02:47] hay
    I see. And what exactly
    is this regret of yours?
[02:51] fat
    Well, I suppose...
[02:55] fat
    I wanted to fool around
    with a maid.
[02:58] fat
    Ow!
[03:00] hay
    Have you finished
    your eulogy yet?
[03:02] fat
    You're interjecting too roughly.
    I almost accidentally passed over!
[03:05] hay
    What kinda regret is that?!
    Wanting to fool around!
[03:08] hay
    Stop spouting nonsense
    and pass over already!
[03:11] fat
    What did you just say!?
[03:13] fat
    Don't you think you should listen to the final
    wish of one of God's faithful servants!
[03:17] hay
    Why would a servant of God have
    such a perverted final wish?!
[03:25] hay
    Besides, what do you even mean
    by fooling around with a maid?
[03:27] hay
    Maria-san can't see you, so there's
    no way that could ever happen!
[03:33] fat
    She can't see me?
[03:37] fat
    I just remembered
    something urgent.
[03:39] hay
    Hold on!
[03:40] hay
    What are you planning to do now
    you know she can't see you?
[03:44] fat
    Oh, I'm just going to watch
    her getting changed.
[03:46] hay
    As if I'd let you do that! Even if you are
    being honest about your intentions!
[03:54] fat
    Then, what do you
    want me to do?!
[03:57] hay
    All right, whatever.
    Let's ask an expert.
[04:09] isu
    I see. I understand what
    you're asking of me.
[04:13] isu
    Sending lingering souls to the afterlife is
    also one of the Saginomiya clan's duties.
[04:17] isu
    Because it's Hayate-sama who's making this request,
    I'll put everything I have into accomplishing the task.
[04:21] hay
    Oh, you don't have to go that far.
[04:24] isu
    I think the easiest method would be for Father
    here to possess someone else's body...
[04:29] isu
    and fool around using the
    body he's possessed.
[04:33] hay
    Ah, I see.
SIGN    Stare.
[04:36] fat
    That's not a bad idea.
[04:39] hay
    Huh? What are you...
[04:43] hay
    Father, let's suppose you end
    up possessing my body...
[04:48] hay
    What are you planning
    to do to Maria-san?
[04:50] fat
    Well, let's see...
[04:54] ---
    Mostly stuff you can't do
    on an anime TV series,
[04:56] fat
    like this and that, not to mention
    that other thing...
[04:59] fat
    Ow!
[05:02] hay
    Let's think of another way.
[05:05] isu
    Really?
[05:06] fat
    Well, I have an idea.
[05:08] hay
    You do?
[05:23] isu
    Um, what's this?
[05:27] hay
    I see what you've done
    here, Father.
[05:29] hay
    You can't touch normal people,
[05:32] hay
    so you thought you'd make do with putting
    a maid outfit on someone you can touch.
[05:36] isu
    Even so, what's this about?
[05:38] hay
    Isumi-san, you don't have
    to do much, you know...
[05:41] hay
    All you have to say is
    "Welcome home, master,"
[05:44] ---
    and then, he should pass over.
[05:46] fat
    Wrong!
[05:48] hay
    Wrong? What do you
    mean by that?
[05:51] fat
    This isn't right! Not even close!
    She's not a maid at all!
[05:55] hay
    What are you talking about?!
[05:57] hay
    You're the one who randomly
    put that outfit on her!
[06:00] ---
    Why are you freaking out?!
[06:01] fat
    It's just not right!
[06:04] fat
    She's wearing a maid outfit, but she doesn't
    have the spirit of a maid at all!
[06:09] hay
    Of course she doesn't!
[06:11] fat
    If there's no spirit, I can't pass over.
    I don't want to pass over.
[06:16] hay
    You're unbelievable...
[06:18] hay
    Well, fine. Do what you want.
[06:22] ---
    Isumi-san, let's forget
    about this guy and...
[06:25] isu
    Okay.
[06:26] hay
    What?
[06:27] isu
    To preserve the honor of the Saginomiya clan,
    I shall learn the spirit of the maid...
[06:31] isu
    and help you pass over.
[06:34] hay
    Oh man, some weird switch just
    flipped inside her head...
[06:44] hin
    It's already April.
[06:49] hin
    I wonder if anybody
    will show up today.
[06:53] nag
    You want to learn what
    it means to be a maid?
[06:57] ---
    Did some weird switch flip inside
    your head or something?
[07:00] hay
    Yes, something like that.
[07:03] nag
    Hm, but learning the essence of
    being a maid... I don't know...
[07:06] nag
    Oh!
[07:09] nag
    Okay, you can learn all about
    maids. Just hide in here.
[07:18] nag
    Hello? Yeah.
[07:22] ---
    Can you come over right away?
[07:25] wat
    So? What do you want?
[07:27] nag
    Nothing much. I just wanted to ask
    you some questions about maids,
[07:30] nag
    because you've had a maid serving
    you since you were little.
[07:35] wat
    Don't make it sound so creepy!
[07:38] wat
    Besides, Saki wears that outfit
    because she wants to.
[07:42] wat
    I'm not really interested
    in maids.
[07:45] nag
    Oh, I see. Then, I'm sorry.
[07:48] nag
    I know I'm a little late
    entering the market,
[07:50] nag
    but I was considering opening
    a maid café at some point.
[07:54] nag
    Wouldn't that be great?
    A maid café...
[07:56] ---
    with everyone saying
    "Welcome home, master..."
[08:00] wat
    I don't know what you're planning,
    but do whatever you like.
[08:05] wat
    I don't think such a shallow maid café
    will get much business though.
[08:11] nag
    Hm? So, what would make it less
    shallow but still relate to maids?
[08:16] wat
    I-I'm not really into this stuff, but
    if I have to suggest something...
[08:21] wat
    Only if I have to, you hear?! I'd say the essence
    of a maid is the split-second when...
[08:24] wat
    the skirt flies up when a maid
    turns around! It's crucial!
[08:29] nag
    That's all? You're quite
    shallow yourself.
[08:33] wat
    You idiot! Do you really think
    that's all there is to it?
[08:36] wat
    Another crucial moment is when
    they stand on tiptoes!
[08:38] wat
    You know, when they're trying to reach something
    way up high... That little stretch there!
[08:42] nag
    Are you done yet?
[08:44] wat
    No, there's more!
[08:46] wat
    Posture. You can forget about being a maid
    if your back isn't ruler-edge straight!
[08:50] wat
    And another important point...
[08:53] nag
    Okay, okay.
[08:54] nag
    That should give you a pretty
    good idea, Isumi.
[08:58] isu
    I see.
[09:00] isu
    Hello, Wataru-kun.
[09:02] wat
    Wh-Why?
[09:04] isu
    Wataru-kun, you know so
    much about maids...
[09:09] ---
    You're a maid nerd, aren't you?
[09:14] wat
    Nagi, I hate you!
[09:17] isu
    Oh, Wataru-kun...
[09:19] nagi
    That was fun.
[09:22] hay
    I do feel a bit sorry
    for him though...
[09:24] nag
    Don't. Anyway, we now know that the
    essence of being a maid is all about...
[09:29] nag
    the flaring of the skirt
    when she turns.
[09:33] isu
    Thank you, Nagi. I understand.
[09:38] isu
    And without further ado!
[09:40] isu
    I'll show you the spirit
    of the maid!
[09:43] fat
    Please do.
[09:45] isu
    Father, please watch
    and pass over!
[10:00] hay
    She couldn't do the turn!
[10:01] fat
    But in a way, this wasn't
    so bad either!
[10:03] nar
    The essence of the maid
    saga continues!
[10:17] sak
    Um, do you need something?
[10:19] wat
    What?! Of course I don't!
[10:22] wat
    I don't need anything, but...
[10:26] sak
    Yes?
[10:27] wat
    Could you do a little pirouette?
[10:31] sak
    Why?
[10:32] wat
    It doesn't matter why! All you have to do
    is a tiny little turn. Just a little one!
[10:36] sak
    Hm, from the way you're
    asking, I refuse.
[10:39] wat
    Why not?! Come on,
    don't be like that!
[10:43] sak
    I mean, I don't really know why,
[10:45] sak
    but from the way you said it,
    it sounded obscene.
[10:48] wat
    What do you mean by obscene?!
    It's nothing like that!
[10:53] nar
    She pretty much nailed it, actually.
[10:55] sak
    Anyway, I don't know why,
[10:58] sak
    but my woman's instinct
    is telling me...
[11:00] ---
    you're too young for that.
[11:02] wat
    I just told you it's
    not like that!
[11:04] wat
    Hey, Saki!
[11:04] nar
    And so it goes...
[11:06] nar
    While Wataru, who had been completely
    embarrassed by Nagi,
[11:09] nar
    was thinking about maids back at the Sanzenin
    estate, this is what was happening...
[11:14] sak
    I see. I think I've got
    the gist of it. So...
[11:21] ---
    Why don't I teach you about the
    essence of being a maid?
[11:24] hay
    Wow, so does that mean you're going to change
    into a maid outfit for us as well?
[11:32] saku
    I see. So you're really into maid outfits,
    are you, Mr. Butler-in-debt?
[11:37] hay
    Huh? She's smiling, but it seems like she's
    being less friendly to me somehow...
[11:41] saku
    I'm not talking about putting
    on a maid outfit,
[11:43] saku
    I'm talking about introducing you
    to a maid we've recently hired.
[11:48] hay
    A maid from the Aizawa family?
SIGN    The Sunflower Maid Café
[11:51] saku
    The Aizawa Group opened
    a maid café the other day.
[11:55] hay
    Wait, you're into maid
    cafés as well?
[11:59] saku
    Yep.
[12:02] hay
    And that maid is...
[12:05] saku
    She's a girl who joined us to work there.
    But she was such a perfect maid,
[12:10] saku
    we decided to employ her as
    our maid on her days off.
[12:14] hay
    Ah, I guess you probably have
    the cash to do that.
[12:16] saku
    Well, anyway, come in, Haru-san.
[12:38] haru
    It's nice to meet you. I'm
    Haru, Sakuya-san's maid.
[12:44] hay
    She's really pretty.
[12:48] haru
    Thank you.
[12:51] hay
    But you look really young...
    Can I ask how old you are?
[12:58] hay
    Um, I'm sorry...
[13:03] har
    Secrets are also part of the
    art of being a maid.
[13:06] hay
    I see. I'm sorry.
[13:09] saku
    See? Isn't Haru amazing?
[13:13] isu
    Quite.
[13:14] saku
    Right, let's ask her to show us...
[13:17] saku
    what it really means to be a maid,
    and use today to learn from her!
[13:25] saku
    Hm? What's wrong, Maria-san?
[13:27] mar
    Oh, nothing.
[13:29] hay
    We're going to use the
    back parlor for a bit.
[13:33] hay
    But I wonder what Haru-san will show us when
    she shows us the essence of the maid.
[13:37] saku
    You'll be blown away!
[13:41] hay
    But, Haru-san, why are
    you working as a maid?
[13:46] har
    Well, let's see. To put it simply, I like
    supporting cute and amazing people.
[13:54] hay
    Support?
[13:56] har
    Yes.
[13:58] ---
    I don't have any amazing skills
    like you, Ayasaki-kun.
[14:06] hay
    Wait... "Ayasaki-kun"? How
    does she know my name?
[14:15] fat
    She's very good indeed.
[14:17] hay
    Whoa! Where have you
    been all this time?
[14:31] isu
    Father, please watch
    and pass over!
[14:43] isu
    Father, please watch
    and pass over!
[14:51] fat
    I put the clip of Miss Isumi tripping over in
    her unfamiliar maid outfit on repeat...
[14:57] fat
    and watched it over
    and over again.
[15:02] fat
    I was tripping and almost passed over
    to the next world.
[15:06] hay
    It would have been nice if
    you'd actually done that.
[15:09] fat
    But, anyway...
[15:11] ---
    The way that maid moves... the
    way she looks from behind...
[15:16] fat
    This might be it!
[15:18] ---
    Now, what sort of moves
    will she show us?!
[15:36] hay
    Oh, Maria-san, what's going on?
[15:40] mari
    Oh, nothing. I'm going
    to clean over there.
[15:59] nag
    Hey Maria, what's Hayate up to?
[16:02] mar
    I don't know!
[16:07] isu
    So, how can you obtain the
    true essence of a maid?
[16:10] har
    The true essence?
[16:13] isu
    Yes. I have a friend who's a
    maid nerd and he told me:
[16:18] isu
    "The essence of a maid is the split-second when
    the skirt flies up when a maid turns around!"
[16:23] isu
    But I stepped on the hem of the skirt
    and couldn't do a proper turn.
[16:30] har
    I see. That's a pretty
    easy one to solve.
[16:34] isu
    R-Really?
[16:36] har
    Yes, all you have to do
    is wear a short skirt.
[16:41] hay
    That really is the simple way
    of solving her problem.
[16:45] fat
    But that's the maid way!
[16:52] isu
    So... what's next?
[16:55] har
    Let's see... next, you'd probably cheerily do
    some cleaning or cooking, but...
[17:02] har
    the most important weapon
    in a maid's arsenal is...
[17:06] har
    her fake smile.
[17:09] hay
    Um, she's not holding
    back, is she?
[17:12] fat
    No. Well, we knew
    she wouldn't...
[17:15] har
    If you can fake a natural smile, you can deceive
    eighty percent of the customers.
[17:19] isu
    I see. A fake smile.
[17:22] har
    Let's practice it. Smile!
[17:25] isu
    Smile...
[17:28] har
    Nice. That's it. Smile!
[17:32] isu
    Smile...
[17:34] har
    Smile.
[17:35] isu
    Smile...
[17:36] har
    Now smile.
[17:37] isu
    Smile...
[17:39] saku
    Oh wow, this is so side-splitting,
    my stomach's hurting.
[17:41] hay
    Um, Isumi-san, if it's too much...
[17:45] isu
    No, showing lost souls their way
    to the afterlife is my duty.
[17:52] har
    Then, let's begin!
[18:01] isu
    Smile!
[18:12] isu
    Too hot!
[18:35] har
    Isumi-san, smile, smile. Don't
    forget about your fake smile.
[18:41] isu
    Oh, yes.
[18:46] isu
    Here you go, master. Smile!
[18:49] har
    Good! Well done.
[18:52] har
    You're a fully-fledged maid now.
[18:55] isu
    Thank you very much.
[18:59] hay
    You know, watching her
    smile so falsely...
[19:02] hay
    and her forcing herself to be
    cheerful is painful, isn't it?
[19:05] fat
    Yeah, but even so, I'm satisfied.
[19:10] hay
    Father?
[19:16] fat
    Thank you, Isumi-kun.
[19:18] fat
    Your maid spirit was great.
[19:20] isu
    Father.
[19:26] isu
    Then, please pass over so that your
    soul may be at peace.
[19:31] fat
    Hm? Pass over?
[19:33] fat
    Oh, that was just an
    April Fool's joke.
[19:39] fat
    I'm sorry for making you wear
    those embarrassing clothes,
[19:42] fat
    but there are a number of things other than
    maids that bind me to this mortal coil.
[19:46] fat
    I won't be going anywhere
    for a while.
[19:48] ---
    But that maid look
    of yours was...
[19:54] fat
    Wait, let me explain!
[20:00] ---
    Wait!
[20:02] fat
    Help!
[20:03] har
    Um, I don't quite know what's going
    on, but I'll take my leave now.
[20:09] saku
    Yeah, yeah. Thanks a bunch.
[20:14] saku
    Well, Ayasaki-kun. Please
    take care of my master.
[20:19] hay
    What? O-Okay.
[20:25] fat
    Okay, I'll pass over already!
[20:51] hay
    Umm, smile?
[20:56] mar
    What is all this?!
[20:59] nar
    The fake smile didn't
    work on her.
[21:08] har
    I didn't know that Sakuya-san...
[21:11] ---
    was so friendly with the Sanzenins
    or with Ayasaki-kun...
[21:16] har
    who's been hanging around
    the president recently.
[21:20] har
    I don't think they'll find out as we've
    never really met before,
[21:24] har
    but I can't have the president
    finding out that...
[21:27] har
    Hakuou's secretary is also a maid.
[21:28] hin
    Hey, Haruko!
[21:31] hin
    What are you doing here?
[21:33] har
    Hello, President.
[21:35] hin
    President? We're not at school,
    so just call me Hina.
[21:39] hin
    By the way, are you on your
    way home after work?
[21:42] har
    Yes, something like that.
[21:44] hin
    Then, let's walk home together.
[21:46] har
    Yes, President.
[21:48] hin
    I already told you
    to call me Hina.
[21:50] har
    But I could never do that.
[22:02] mar
    Please put your whole spirit
    into cleaning up this mess!
[22:05] hay
    Why just me? And
    why in this outfit?
[22:10] fat
    Good luck, Maid-san.
[22:12] hay
    Just pass over already!
[22:14] nar
    Meanwhile, our heroine was...
[22:26] nag
    I feel like I've been left out.
[22:29] nar
    ...worrying about her
    lack of screen time.
[24:05] har
    Un, deux, trois. Un, deux, trois.
[24:09] sak
    Haru-san, what are you doing?
[24:10] har
    S-Sakuya-san!
[24:11] sak
    Oh, you're practicing
    the maid turn.
[24:13] sak
    Just as expected, you're always
    honing your maid skills.
[24:18] har
    Oh, you give me too much credit.
[24:20] sak
    Why are you wearing
    your school uniform?
[24:22] sak
    Don't worry, I don't mind.
[24:25] sak
    The next episode of Hayate the Combat Butler is
    entitled In the End, Our Cat's the Cutest.
[24:30] har
    It'll be full of cutesy animals!