3 - There's No Legend After All

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] narr
    This is the Alex San Marco Church.
[01:34] narr
    If Hayate manages to retrieve the Butler's Medal,
[01:38] narr
    located on the lowermost floor of a giant labyrinth,
[01:40] ---
    he will be able to return to his role of butler to the Sanzenin household.
[01:44] narr
    Onward, Hayate!
[01:46] narr
    Onward with your trusty party!
SIGN    There's No Legend After All
SIGN    Allow me to introduce our four heroes who will brave this obscenely perilous dungeon!
SIGN    Hero #1:
SIGN    Hero Number 1 Profession: World History Teacher Special Attribute: Worthless Human Being Special Move: Constantly in Berserker Mode
SIGN    Yukiji Katsura. The self-professed elf of the party, she's an alcoholic teacher with more brawn than brain.
[02:08] narr
    Hero #2:
SIGN    Hero Number 2 Profession: Video Rental Store Owner Special Attribute: Plays devil's advocate Special Move: Can watch 52 episodes of an anime show in a single sitting!
[02:09] narr
    Wataru Tachibana. He was unconditionally forced to join!
[02:13] narr
    Hero #3:
SIGN    Hero Number 3 Profession: Shut-in Special Attribute: Plays hooky Special Move: Thinks working is the same as being defeated
[02:15] narr
    Her wealth is infinite, her athletic ability doesn't exist,
[02:17] narr
    and she is devoid of social skills! A heroine with a new twist! Nagi Sanzenin.
[02:23] OS
    Oh... have I picked the wrong people for this?
[02:25] narr
    Calm down, Hayate. They're all valiant heroes! Their trifling shortcomings should be easily cov-
[02:30] yuk
    Look! Treasure! It's mine!
[02:32] nagi
    Are dungeons always this dark?
[02:36] wat
    What a pain. Let's finish up quickly so we can all go home.
[02:39] narr
    -covered with this party!
[02:41] yuk
    Ah! Is this a trap? It's a pit!
[02:44] narr
    And Hero #4:
SIGN    Hero Number 4 Profession: Pathetic Bum in Debt Special Attribute: Has bad luck Special Move: Super bad luck
[02:47] narr
    Our main character, Hayate Ayasaki. His bad luck has penetrated even his bone marrow!
[02:52] narr
    Meanwhile, while our hero irradiates with bad luck, somewhere above him...
[02:57] hina
    This must be it.
[02:58] hina
    He looked like he was in trouble so I thought I'd drop by, but where's the dungeon he mentioned?
[03:03] hina
    Jeez, Hayate-kun. If you need help, just ask for it directly!
[03:10] hina
    Well, I guess I didn't really give you a chance to do that...
[03:13] isu
    It's best we stay out of that place.
[03:17] hina
    You're... Saginomiya-san?
[03:24] haya
    Um, Ojou-sama, seeing how you're scared of the dark, shouldn't we go back?
[03:30] nagi
    N-Nonsense! The nun told us:
[03:35] sis
    Should you wish to give up and leave the dungeon without the medal,
[03:39] sis
    you will be disqualified as a butler forthwith.
[03:41] nagi
    Besides, who says I'm scared of the dark?!
[03:44] nagi
    I'm not afraid of anything!
[03:46] wat
    Boo!
[03:46] nagi
    Eek!
[03:49] wat
    Everyone knows that you're scared of the dark.
    You don't have to start acting all tough now.
[03:54] nagi
    I'll go where Hayate goes, no matter what!
[03:58] nagi
    And then, we will emerge victorious!
[04:01] ---
    Even if ghosts or monsters attack us!
[04:11] all
    What were they?! What were those things just now?!
[04:14] haya
    It looked like a lost troll, a slimy creature that's strayed from the human gene pool.
[04:18] wat
    What you mean to say is that it's strayed from the mortal coil altogether, right?!
[04:21] wat
    But, more importantly, watch your step.
    This dungeon's filled with traps.
[04:24] nag
    Why didn't you say that earlier?!
[04:27] hay
    Ojou-sama!
[04:31] hay
    Hayate!
[04:37] sist
    This dungeon is a deadly labyrinth that the Father of this church constructed as a hobby.
[04:41] sist
    With this many traps, I'll just have to wait until they collapse in a heap.
[04:46] sist
    But even so, something made them scream an awful lot...
[04:57] nag
    Hayate, are you okay?
[04:59] hay
    Yes, it only scratched me.
[05:03] hay
    But, please be careful. I think the tip was tinged with some kind of poison.
[05:09] nag
    Poison?!
[05:10] hay
    Yes, but it looks like it wasn't all that strong.
[05:12] hay
    I feel totally fine.
[05:14] hay
    What's wrong?
[05:16] hay
    Ojou-sama?
[05:18] hay
    You're pretty rock-hard, aren't you? Knock knock?
[05:18] hay
    Hayate is broken!
[05:20] hay
    Where's the Celceta Flower?!
[05:22] hay
    The flower that's meant to instantly cure even the most incurable of diseases!
[05:26] wat
    Calm down! This isn't an ancient kingdom flying through the air!
[05:30] fat
    Yes, please calm down.
[05:33] nag
    Who are you?
[05:35] fat
    I'm the Father of this church. I'm Rean Radiostar.
[05:39] nag
    Rean Radiostar?
[05:41] fat
    If it's too hard to say, you can call me "Lord British of Akihabara."
[05:46] nag
    Over my dead body.
[05:48] fat
    Incidentally, while the poison wasn't very strong, every time you take a step, you lose a hit point.
[05:54] wat
    Is this a video game?
[05:56] fat
    The Celceta Flower is located at the far end of the dungeon.
[05:59] wat
    It really exists?!
[06:00] fat
    Anyway, I wouldn't want this boy to die from my poison.
[06:05] fat
    You should hurry and get-
[06:09] nag
    That's what we'll do.
[06:11] nag
    Take responsibility for your actions and watch Hayate for us!
[06:15] fat
    U-Understood...
[06:17] nag
    Let's make a break for it, Wataru!
[06:21] hay
    Ojou-sama!
[06:24] hay
    If only I hadn't been poisoned...
[06:25] fat
    Sit still.
[06:28] fat
    I was once poisoned like you.
[06:31] fat
    I had no friends to help me out and I was in a bit of a pickle...
[06:35] hay
    How did you counteract the poison then?
[06:38] fat
    Well...
[06:40] fat
    I died.
[06:42] hay
    What?! You died?!
[06:44] fat
    Ever since then, these evil spirits have started appearing in here.
[06:47] hay
    O-Oh no! Then, that means Ojou-sama will encounter them too?
[06:51] fat
    Nah, the only evil spirits in this place are over there.
[06:54] hay
    What?
[06:57] fat
    Having said that, there's still the one I brought here because it looked like it'd be fun...
[07:02] fat
    The Mikado Hyper Energy Guardian Robot...
[07:06] hay
    You tell me that now?!
[07:08] fat
    Here it comes.
[07:12] nag
    What is this thing?!
[07:15] wat
    A Mikado Hyper Energy Guardian Robot.
[07:18] nag
    Why would something like that be down here?
[07:19] wat
    Who cares?! Just run!
[07:23] wat
    Nagi!
[07:26] wat
    Run, Nagi!
[07:28] narr
    ZA WARUDO!
[07:40] narr
    And then, time starts flowing again.
[07:54] nag
    You're...
[08:06] hay
    You're...
[08:07] isu
    Just a Defender of Justice...
[08:09] hin
    ...passing through!
[08:12] hin
    Are you both unharmed?
[08:14] hin
    Hinagiku. Why are you here?
[08:17] hin
    I came to help you.
[08:20] hin
    This thing's pretty good.
[08:22] nag
    What's that dangerous object you've got there?
[08:25] hin
    Well, this is...
[08:27] isu
    Take this.
[08:30] hin
    What's this?
[08:31] isu
    It will be dangerous down there, so I'll lend you this for a while.
[08:37] isu
    This is the finest sword ever forged by expert bladesmith, Master Craftsman Masamune.
[08:43] isu
    Wooden Sword Masamune.
[08:46] hina
    I wonder if that Master Craftsman had some issues...
[08:51] hina
    Well, I guess you could say it's a gift bestowed upon me by an angel.
[08:54] isu
    It's not a gift! It's not a gift at all!
[08:56] isu
    And I'm not an angel either.
[08:58] isu
    By the way, where's Hayate-kun?
[09:01] nag
    Oh, that's right! We have to hurry up and find that medicine!
[09:05] hina
    Medicine?
[09:13] isu
    You should be able to move around a little now.
[09:18] haya
    Thank you very much. But Isumi-san, what was that power?
[09:23] isu
    Th-This power is, um...
[09:26] isu
    hand soap!
[09:27] haya
    I think she's trying to say "hand power."
[09:30] isu
    But, please don't tell Nagi about this.
[09:35] isu
    Nagi doesn't know that I can use this kind of power...
[09:40] isu
    I mean, hand soap.
[09:43] hay
    Yeah, she really means "hand power."
[09:46] fat
    Young man, you should still stay on your toes.
[09:50] fat
    A hoard of evil spirits still lurk here.
[09:52] hay
    You're here too, you know...
[09:55] isu
    Um, I will banish the rest of the evil spirits, so Hayate-sama, please follow Nagi.
[10:02] hay
    But, Isumi-san...
[10:03] isu
    I'll be fine.
[10:05] isu
    I may not be as knowledgeable as Nagi or Wataru-kun, but I really like heroes that can transform.
[10:12] isu
    The kind of hero that arrives in the nick of time to save the heroine when she's in danger...
[10:19] hay
    Isumi-san...
[10:21] isu
    Hayate-sama, you're Nagi's hero, so please go to her.
[10:27] isu
    If you could, could you please take this person with you as well?
[10:31] isu
    To tell you the truth, I haven't been able to use any of my stronger powers because he's been getting in the way.
[10:37] fat
    Oh, so that's what the River Styx looks like.
[10:40] hay
    Got it. Please be careful, Isumi-san.
[10:44] isu
    Truth be told, when we first met, I thought you might become my hero.
[10:53] isu
    But I guess I didn't turn out to be your heroine.
[10:58] isu
    Well, let's get this over with.
[11:01] hina
    What?! Hayate-kun was poisoned?
[11:04] nagi
    That's why we're in a hurry. There's supposed to be a flower around here. A flower that will cure him.
[11:09] wat
    Hey, found it.
[11:11] nag
    Really?
[11:12] wat
    Yeah, I found it, but...
[11:15] nag
    But?
[11:20] nag
    This can't be...
[11:21] wat
    Will it work even though it's withered like that?
[11:23] hina
    I don't know...
[11:28] nag
    Let's leave the dungeon.
[11:30] nag
    What?
[11:31] nag
    Let's leave the dungeon and take Hayate to a hospital.
[11:34] wat
    But if we do that, he'll never be able to be your butler again.
[11:38] nag
    I know!
[11:39] nag
    All I care about is that Hayate's okay!
[11:42] hin
    Nagi...
[11:43] hay
    That'd cause trouble for me, though.
[11:49] hay
    I mean, I've nowhere else to go other than to your side, Ojou-sama.
[11:53] nag
    Hayate, why are you... What about the poison?
[11:57] hay
    Well, that's...
[11:58] isu
    It's a secret! A secret!
[12:01] hay
    There was this alternative antidote lying about and... Hm? Hinagiku-san, what are you doing here?
[12:06] ---
    What? No, it's because...
[12:08] hay
    Did you maybe come here to help out because you were worried about me?
[12:13] hay
    That makes me so hap-
[12:14] hin
    Don't get any ideas.
[12:16] hin
    I was just passing through.
[12:19] hin
    I would never worry about you, Ayasaki-kun.
[12:22] hay
    Good point.
[12:23] sist
    I'm glad that you're all safe.
[12:26] hay
    Oh, Sister Fortesia...
[12:28] hay
    You look pretty beat up...
[12:32] sist
    Yes. A lot has happened recently.
[12:36] sist
    Well now, it looks like the only thing left to do is to retrieve the medal from that temple.
[12:41] sist
    So, go get it.
[12:43] sist
    Don't you think it'd be great if it's just you and your master for the final stretch?
[12:49] nag
    She's right.
[12:50] hay
    Then, Ojou-sama, let's...
[12:52] ---
    Yeah.
[12:54] sist
    That's the final trap.
[12:57] fat
    Who are you?
[12:58] sis
    What?
[12:59] fat
    Who are you? Why are you calling yourself Fortesia?
[13:03] siS
    Whatever do you mean?
[13:05] fat
    Don't play dumb.
[13:06] ---
    The real Fortesia is an old lady aged sixty plus.
[13:10] sist
    Sheesh...
[13:13] hay
    Sister?
[13:15] hay
    If you hadn't opened your mouth, you wouldn't have had to get hurt.
[13:29] wat
    Those guys from before...
[13:30] hin
    There were more of them?
[13:32] fat
    Of course!
[13:33] fat
    Why, you ask? Because I used the majority of the church donations to buy them!
[13:39] wat
    Shouldn't we do something about him first?
[13:42] sis
    Sheesh, all this planning and in the end, I've had to resort to this.
[13:49] hay
    Sister, what's the meaning of this?
[13:51] sis
    Like he says,
[13:52] sis
    I'm not a nun here.
[13:56] hay
    Wait. You're not a man and we should call you "Brother" instead, are you?
[13:59] sis
    Not at all.
[14:00] sis
    My goal is to take my revenge on the Sanzenins!
[14:15] hay
    S-Sister, is this another of the Butler's Tiger Den's trials?
[14:20] sis
    I've already told you this is about my revenge.
[14:22] sis
    Besides, the Butler's Tiger Den is long gone!
[14:26] hay
    What? Why?
[14:29] sis
    You're asking me why? Well...
[14:32] sis
    How can you operate a place like that if there are hardly any butlers in the world?!
[14:36] hay
    That makes sense...
[14:38] sis
    Anyway, all of you are going to die here!
[14:44] fat
    Damn. That's way cooler than my robots.
[14:52] wat
    It's amazing.
[14:53] hin
    How are we supposed to beat something like that?
[15:06] sis
    Send them all to Hell!
[15:11] sis
    What? What was that?
[15:16] hin
    Um...
[15:17] sis
    Ah! What are you doing?!
[15:19] sis
    It'll break if you unplug it like that!
[15:22] sis
    This thing was expensive, you know!
[15:24] hin
    Oh, sorry.
[15:25] hay
    Do you think that the Sanzenins...
[15:29] hay
    are easy targets for stupid people?
[15:32] nag
    N-No, we're not.
[15:35] fat
    You can't let your guard down yet.
[15:36] hay
    That's right. Those Guardian Robots...
[15:39] nar+OS
    The Guardian Robots are confused by their boss's defeat.
[15:42] nar+OS
    The Guardian Robots escape!
[15:45] hay
    So I was right about the Sanzenins after all...
[15:47] nag
    No!
[15:48] nag
    Hey, you!
[15:49] sis
    Y-Yes?
[15:50] nag
    You'd better have a good reason for wanting revenge!
[15:54] sis
    Of course!
[15:57] sis
    My family had been part of the Sicilian mafia for generations.
[16:01] sis
    But my father had no talents geared towards mafia life...
[16:04] sis
    Counterfeiting "You Win" popsicle sticks was the best he could do.
[16:08] sis
    One day, however...
[16:10] dad
    Listen to this, Sonia!
[16:12] dad
    Your father has been handed an assassination order!
[16:14] son
    Wow, that's amazing, Dad!
[16:16] dad
    If I succeed, I'm going to become a real member of the mafia!
[16:20] sis
    My father's mission was to assassinate Nagi Sanzenin on Mykonos.
[16:25] sis
    My father was about to carry out the mission but...
[16:33] sis
    he was swiftly defeated by a young man thought to be the Sanzenins' butler.
[16:39] nag
    I guess something like that might have happened...
[16:42] hay
    So, you're taking revenge for that moment.
[16:44] sis
    No! The important part is coming up!
[16:46] hay
    Huh?
[16:48] sis
    My father told me that the mafia were no good after all and went to Japan to learn how to cook instead.
[16:53] sis
    While there, he was poisoned by eating blowfish.
[16:56] dad
    Who knew that blowfish could be poisonous?
[16:58] son
    Dad!
[17:01] sis
    If he hadn't been defeated, he wouldn't have had a change of heart, and he'd still be...
[17:05] sis
    I promised my father!
[17:07] sis
    I promised him I'd take revenge...
[17:09] sis
    on the Sanzenins!
[17:10] hay
    Please wait!
[17:15] nag
    Hayate!
[17:16] sis
    Now, to avenge my father!
[17:26] sis
    Who are you?!
[17:27] hin
    Hinagiku Katsura, Student Council President at Hakuou Gakuin.
[17:31] sis
    A student?
[17:32] sis
    You've got nothing on me!
[17:41] hin
    You're pretty good.
[17:43] hin
    Want me to help you?
[17:45] hin
    Sis?
[17:50] hin
    Don't be stupid. I don't need your-
[17:58] yuk
    Sis?
[18:00] yuk
    Your sister? Don't think so. We are the ghosts that live in this labyrinth!
[18:07] hay
    Father, is she...
[18:09] fat
    Yes, it looks like her body has been possessed by the evil spirits that inhabit this dungeon.
[18:14] sis
    E-Evil spirits?
[18:16] hin
    What? How have they taken my sister's body?
[18:19] yuk
    We borrowed it for a million yen! She jumped at the offer.
[18:23] hin
    Sis...
[18:27] yuk
    We are a collective of remorseful souls of butlers who couldn't protect their masters!
[18:33] hay
    Even that robot has fused with them...
[18:43] sis
    I don't need your help!
[18:45] wat
    You're not really suited to being a villain.
[18:49] sis
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[18:51] wat
    If you carry out an evil act and fail, that's because you have no talent at being a villain.
[18:57] sis
    You could never understand how I feel!
[19:00] wat
    Oh, you said something about revenge... Can't you just let it go?
[19:07] wat
    She's supposed to be my fiancée. Kind of.
[19:10] wat
    In return, I'll let you borrow some videos that are way more fun than taking revenge, deal?
[19:25] hay
    Ojou-sama, it's dangerous. Please get back!
[19:28] nag
    You fool!
[19:29] nag
    What kind of master would leave the side of their immobilized servant?
[19:33] nag
    Besides, didn't I say that we'd emerge victorious?
[19:38] nag
    Well said!
[19:40] nag
    Now, we shall assimilate your soul and your remorse at being unable to protect your master!
[19:44] nag
    Ojou-sama!
[19:48] nag
    Hayate!
[19:49] nag
    Ojou-sama!
[19:52] nag
    I want...
[19:54] nag
    the power I need to save my Ojou-sama!
[19:56] nag
    To protect her!
[19:59] fat
    Then, visualize it.
[20:02] fat
    Visualize your heart longing to protect its master...
[20:05] hay
    My heart...
[20:08] hay
    Unleash it!
[20:10] hay
    I want to protect you.
[20:12] hay
    I want to be faster than anyone else.
[20:14] hay
    I want to be faster than anyone else,
[20:16] hay
    so that I can come to your aid!
SIGN    Note: "Hayate" can literally translate to "Speedy".
[20:19] hay
    Like the name of this show, I will become as fast as the wind!
[20:22] yuk
    J-Just you try it!
[20:25] yuk
    Huh?
[20:28] isu
    Exorcism complete.
[20:31] yuk
    Why am I...
[20:48] for
    Um, I didn't think that the church would disappear as well...
[20:52] for
    when I asked you to get rid of the evil spirits.
[20:55] isu
    I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
[20:58] nag
    Hey, Hayate. Is your body okay?
[21:02] hay
    All my bones are...
[21:05] fat
    You need more training before you can master that technique.
[21:09] yuk
    My million yen! Where's my million yen?! Where?! Here? Here?
[21:13] hin
    Just make do with this medal I picked up.
[21:18] wat
    Um, can you get off me now?
[21:22] sis
    I'm still feeling weak...
[21:27] kla
    Well, the results of the trial are vague,
[21:31] kla
    but seeing that you protected our Ojou-sama from an enemy of the Sanzenins,
[21:35] ---
    I shall reinstate you as a butler to this household.
[21:38] hay
    Thank you very much!
[21:40] nag
    We did it, Hayate!
[21:42] mar
    Klaus-san, you won't have to look for a new job now either.
[21:54] hay
    I'm so glad that I was able to return to your side.
[21:59] nag
    Yeah.
[22:00] nag
    By the way, Hayate, you might not be able to use that move yet, but when you came to save me...
[22:09] nag
    you looked pretty cool.
[22:13] nag
    Wha- Hayate, what happened?!
[22:15] hay
    It looks like everything's just caught up with me.
[22:19] nag
    Hey! If you'd held it together a little longer, you'd have made it through the whole episode looking cool...
[22:24] hay
    I-I'm sorry.
[22:25] nag
    Maria! Hayate collapsed! Maria!
[22:29] nar
    The Legend of the Butler in Debt doesn't end here!
[24:07] hay
    Ojou-sama, I finally have a special move worthy of an ultimate butler.
[24:11] nag
    That's great, Hayate! The next skill to learn is the ancient Indian sacred art of breathing fire.
[24:15] hay
    Huh?
[24:16] nag
    What's with that expression? Yoga's amazing!
[24:18] nag
    You can hyper-extend your arms and legs, and if you master it, you can even teleport!
[24:22] hay
    Ojou-sama...
[24:23] hay
    First, start by floating in mid-air.
[24:25] hay
    Hayate, just start floating.
[24:27] hay
    Ojou-sama, even if you give me a direct order, I think that's perhaps a little...
SIGN    The Guardian Robots are confused by their boss's defeat. The Guardian Robots escape!
[24:30] hay
    The next episode of Hayate the Combat Butler is entitled You're Like Me.
[24:33] nag
    Hayate Inferno!