19 - Aim for the King!

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Sometimes, she regrets her lifestyle.
[01:49] nag
    They say "In spring, one may sleep a
    sleep that knows no dawn."
[01:52] nag
    I've been waking up past noon every
    day since spring break started...
[01:56] nag
    Hayate and Maria
    are unbelievable.
[01:59] nag
    They took me literally when I told them
    to let me sleep in over spring break,
[02:03] nag
    and haven't woken me once!
[02:06] nar
    Actually, Hayate and Maria have
    been waking her every day,
[02:10] nar
    but Nagi never bothers to get up.
[02:12] nag
    I've been hiding away
    at home every day,
[02:15] nag
    playing games, reading manga,
    watching anime, and sleeping.
[02:18] nag
    Playing games, reading manga,
    watching anime, and sleeping.
[02:21] nag
    This kind of lifestyle
    feels kinda...
[02:24] nag
    kinda... somehow bad!
[02:27] nar
    It's not just somehow
    bad... it's really bad!
SIGN    Sometimes, she regrets her lifestyle.
[02:40] nag
    Today - no, starting from today,
[02:43] nag
    I'm going to live a decent life...
[02:45] ---
    and be an upstanding citizen!
[02:47] nar
    The discarded pajamas.
[02:52] nar
    The discarded, crumpled-up pajamas.
SIGN    Aim for the King
[03:06] mar
    Hayate-kun! Behind you!
[03:19] hay
    That was close.
[03:21] mar
    But I think I heard something break...
[03:31] hay
    What? Buy a new cellphone?
[03:34] mar
    Yes, it'll be inconvenient
    if you don't have one.
[03:37] hay
    Sorry.
[03:38] mar
    Besides, Nagi isn't getting
    up anyway,
[03:41] ---
    so it'll be best if you
    head off now.
[03:43] nag
    Who isn't getting up?
[03:45] hay
    Oh, Ojou-sama.
[03:46] mar
    Oh, Nagi, you're up early today.
[03:49] hay
    Did you have trouble
    getting to sleep?
[03:50] nag
    Is that really what you ask someone
    who got out of bed past noon?
[03:54] nag
    By the way, where are you going
    to buy your cellphone, Hayate?
[03:57] hay
    Probably the electronics warehouse I always go to,
    by the west exit of Shinjuku station.
[04:04] nag
    Shinjuku, huh?
[04:06] nag
    Okay! Take me with you!
[04:13] mar
    What's going on?
[04:13] ---
    Good question.
[04:15] hay
    Today's not April Fool's
    Day, you know...
[04:17] nag
    I know!
[04:18] nag
    I'm turning over a new leaf!
[04:21] nag
    In other words, I'm a
    brand new Nagi...
[04:23] ---
    NAGI 3-6-0 Elite!
[04:26] nag
    What's with those expressions?!
    Anyway, let's get going!
[04:35] nag
    It's pretty huge...
[04:37] hay
    Well, of course. It's one of
    the largest in the city.
SIGN    Bic Camera
[04:59] nag
    Hayate, there are lots
    of people here.
[05:01] ---
    Do something about it.
[05:02] hay
    I don't think I can...
[05:04] nag
    But you know, seeing
    this many people...
[05:07] ---
    makes you realize just
    how small you are,
[05:09] nag
    even when you're not the heroine of a light novel.
[05:11] hay
    Yes, I suppose you're right.
[05:16] nag
    But these warehouse
    stores are amazing.
[05:20] nag
    I had heard of them before, but never realized
    everything was so cheap here!
[05:25] hay
    You really think so?
[05:26] nag
    So, this is one of those famous
    one million yen stores.
[05:29] nag
    Everything costs a bargain-basement
    million yen.
[05:33] hay
    It's only bargain-basement if
    your last name is Gates...
[05:36] hay
    But, don't you do your
    shopping online?
[05:40] ---
    So you should know how
    much things cost, right?
[05:43] nag
    Wait... you can see the prices
    when you shop online?
[05:46] hay
    You don't even see them
    when you shop?!
[05:50] hay
    Well, I'm going to go and buy
    a cellphone over there.
[05:54] nag
    All right, I'll come with you.
[06:00] sal
    I recommend our Unlimited Talk 8 package.
[06:04] ---
    Does that interest you?
[06:05] hay
    Yes.
[06:06] sal
    Great! Please fill out this form.
[06:11] hay
    Okay.
[06:16] hay
    Oh wow, I didn't know
    it could do that.
[06:19] sal
    Do you have any ID on you?
[06:21] hay
    Is a student ID okay?
[06:29] nag
    Um...
[06:30] hay
    You can take a look
    around if you like.
[06:39] hay
    It's not like she's Isumi-san,
[06:42] ---
    so with me here, it's not
    like Ojou-sama...
[06:44] hay
    will get lost the moment
    she walks off...
[06:45] sal
    Excuse me, but your friend seems
    to have disappeared already...
[06:49] hay
    What?
[06:52] ---
    Huh?
[06:57] ---
    Hey.
[07:09] nag
    Hayate...
[07:11] ---
    got lost.
[07:15] nag
    Jeez, what's with that guy?
[07:16] ---
    I've told him over and over again
    to make sure he doesn't get lost.
SIGN    Lost Children
[07:23] nag
    I guess I should go find him.
[07:25] nag
    Excuse me, my friend is lost...
[07:27] wom
    Hello, little girl, are you lost?
[07:32] nag
    Huh? What? I'm not lost! I'm not
    the one who's lost but...
[07:37] wom
    There, there. I'll use the P.A.
    to call your guardian, okay?
[07:41] wom
    What's your name, little girl?
[07:45] wom
    This is a lost child announcement: Nagi Sanzenin,
    a little girl with blond pigtails, is...
[07:50] nag
    No! I'm not the one who's lost!
[07:53] sal
    Um...
SIGN    Lost Children
[07:58] wom
    Can you wait in here until
    you're picked up please?
[08:01] nag
    I told you, I'm not the
    one who's lost!
[08:03] wom
    Yes, yes. Just wait here
    for a while, okay?
[08:04] nag
    It's my friend who got lost!
[08:07] nag
    Jeez, what's with this place?!
[08:10] kid1
    Oh, a newcomer.
[08:14] kid1
    Welcome to Hell's Avalon.
[08:17] ---
    This is the dark corner
    of the world.
[08:20] kid3
    What's a pretty little flower like
    you doin' in a place like this?
[08:25] nag
    I-It's not like I'm here because
    I wanted to be.
[08:28] nag
    Just so you know, I'm not lost!
[08:30] ---
    I was brought here by mistake!
[08:33] kid1
    Yeah, everyone says that
    when they first get here.
[08:37] kid1
    Hey Johnny, why are you here?
[08:40] kid2
    I was brought here by mistake.
[08:44] nag
    What's wrong with them?
[08:46] kid1
    Bein' lost's nothin' to
    be ashamed of.
[08:50] ---
    Even for a...
[08:52] kid1
    "big girl" like you.
[08:55] kid3
    Don't worry.
[08:57] ---
    It's rare to get lost at your age,
[08:59] ---
    but you need some blemishes
    on your record, y'know?
[09:03] nag
    You little brats....
[09:07] nag
    Fine!
[09:08] ---
    Since you asked for it, let's battle!
[09:10] nag
    I'll crush you all!
[09:14] kid1
    Th-That's...
[09:16] ---
    The game that's become so popular
    with kids and adults alike...
[09:19] kid1
    that it's becoming a
    national pastime!
[09:22] kid3
    The Hayate the Combat Butler
    trading card game!
[09:26] kids
    This is clearly just an ad!
[09:29] nag
    Let's go!
[09:32] kid2
    You'll regret this.
[09:38] kids
    Duel... Start!
SIGN    Nagi vs. The Bad Kids
[09:54] kid1
    My turn!
[09:57] kid1
    Draw!
[10:00] kid1
    What luck!
[10:01] kid1
    From my hand, I summon Miki Hanabishi,
    Izumi Segawa, Risa Asakaze,
[10:05] kid1
    and Hinagiku Katsura!
[10:10] kid1
    Which means that the Student Council
    Members Combo is activating!
[10:17] kid1
    My turn is finished.
[10:19] nag
    Not bad.
[10:22] ---
    Now it's my turn.
[10:24] nag
    Draw!
[10:25] nag
    From my hand, I summon Nagi
    Sanzenin and Hayate Ayasaki!
[10:29] nag
    I set down a trap card here...
[10:35] ---
    and use Hayate's Butler Attack!
[10:37] kid1
    I was waiting for you to do that!
[10:39] kid1
    I cosplay summon Proud Student
    Council President!
[10:47] kid1
    Hinagiku Katsura's attack
    power is now 8500!
[10:52] nag
    So what? My attack's
    not over yet.
[10:55] nag
    I cosplay summon too!
[11:01] nag
    Three-Thousand Nagi!
    Attack power: 7500!
[11:06] nag
    This card allows you
    to attack again...
[11:08] nag
    if you defeat your opponent,
    and a character card...
[11:11] ---
    is on the top of your deck!
[11:12] kid1
    But my attack power is higher!
[11:15] nag
    And now, I activate my trap card:
[11:19] nag
    I Will Protect Ojou-sama!
[11:22] ---
    Three-Thousand Nagi's attack
    power is boosted...
[11:24] nag
    by 5000!
[11:26] nag
    Go, Galaxy Magical! Destroy!
[11:33] nag
    Draw! Character Card!
[11:36] nag
    Draw! Character Card!
[11:40] nag
    Draw! Character Card!
[11:43] nag
    Draw! Character Card!
[11:48] nag
    It's always my turn!
[11:55] nar
    Please note that we broadcasted
    this using the original rules.
[12:02] hay
    Excuse me, I'm here to
    pick up a lost girl.
[12:06] wom
    Ah yes, thanks.
[12:09] hay
    Is she inside?
[12:10] wom
    Yes, she's playing at the moment.
[12:14] hay
    Playing?
[12:18] kid1
    Wow, Chief, you have
    so many rare cards!
[12:21] kid2
    Can we really keep them?
[12:24] nag
    Yeah, sure.
[12:25] kid3
    Awesome! Hooray for our chief!
[12:28] nag
    Well, as your leader, it's
    the least I can do...
[12:31] hay
    Hello, Miss Leader. I've
    come to pick you up.
[12:35] nag
    H-H-Hayate?! When did you...
[12:41] hay
    But I didn't think
    that little kids...
[12:43] ---
    would like you so much that...
[12:46] hay
    you'd make them call
    you their chief.
[12:48] nag
    No, I... They did that
    on their own!
[12:51] kid1
    What? But you said,
    "Just call me chief."
[12:55] nag
    Idiot! No! It wasn't like that!
SIGN    Sometimes, she regrets her lifestyle.
[13:03] hay
    You don't have to be ashamed.
[13:05] hay
    I think that's the first time I've
    ever seen you so lively.
[13:09] nag
    I already told you that you've
    got it all wrong!
[13:13] hay
    Thanks to you, chief, I was able
    to buy a new cellphone.
[13:18] nag
    Like I said!
[13:20] ---
    It didn't go that way. It was...
[13:22] narr
    Nagi thought that she should...
[13:26] ---
    lead a more serious life.
SIGN    March 29th
[13:40] sak
    My birthday is April 3rd.
[13:44] hay
    Oh, really?
[13:45] sak
    So, you didn't know after all.
[13:48] ---
    It's coming up fast. I'm counting
    on you, so don't forget about it.
[13:52] hay
    Oh...
[13:54] ---
    But I don't have enough money to
    buy anything you'd actually like.
[13:58] sak
    I wasn't expecting anything
    special from you anyway.
[14:01] sak
    All I want is for you to put
    your heart into it...
[14:05] sak
    and make me bust
    my gut laughing.
[14:10] hay
    Umm, your girlish expression...
[14:13] hay
    didn't really suit what
    you just said.
[14:15] sak
    Really? I didn't think so.
[14:19] sak
    All I need is someone
    to make me laugh.
[14:21] ---
    I don't really need anything else.
[14:23] sak
    So I'm relying on you,
[14:24] ---
    Mr. Protagonist of the Butler Comedy
    about love and blood.
[14:28] hay
    I don't think that's something
    I want to be responsible for...
[14:31] nar
    There's someone else...
[14:33] ---
    who's also under the same
    kind of pressure.
[14:37] wat
    "Make me laugh!" she says.
    It's easy for her to say,
[14:40] ---
    but what does she expect
    every year?
[14:43] sak
    You say that, but you do put a
    lot of effort into it every year.
[14:45] wat
    Well, out of my four
    childhood friends,
[14:48] ---
    she's done the most for me, so...
[14:50] wat
    But, a one hit KO would be...
[15:00] wat
    I am divine, but I have no grapes...
[15:09] sak
    Oh, that's hilarious.
[15:12] sak
    You took a staple of the pun
    world and changed it,
[15:14] ---
    and because you changed it, you
    gave it a 21st Century twist!
[15:18] sak
    That was so good.
[15:19] wat
    I'm going for a walk.
[15:23] sak
    Ah, but Master! It was funny!
    Honest! It really was funny, Master!
[15:29] nar
    Meanwhile, back at the
    Sanzenin manor...
[15:35] nag
    Hm, making Sakuya laugh
    for her birthday, huh?
[15:38] hay
    Yes. What should I do?
[15:41] nag
    That's a pretty difficult question.
[15:44] nag
    However, I believe that
    laughter comes...
[15:46] ---
    from observational comedy.
[15:49] hay
    Observational comedy?
[15:51] nag
    Yes! Therefore, if you go out
    and observe funny people...
[15:54] ---
    that should make you laugh!
[15:56] hay
    I see! Funny people!
[16:09] mar
    Um, I get the odd feeling that I'm
    getting some unwanted looks...
[16:14] hay
    No, it's nothing!
[16:16] nag
    That's right! Just carry
    on as usual!
[16:21] mar
    Really? Okay then...
[16:28] hay
    But stalking someone just
    to watch them is a bit...
[16:32] nag
    You're right.
[16:34] ---
    Maybe nothing will happen
    if we just observe her.
[16:39] nag
    So, that's why I've prepared these Sunday boxes with
    objects in them that might get Maria...
[16:42] nag
    to do something funny.
SIGN    Sunday
[16:45] hay
    Who prepared those boxes?
[16:48] hay
    Hm, let's go with the first one.
[16:50] nag
    Okay! Open the box!
[16:56] hay
    What's this?
[16:57] nag
    A slapstick paper fan?
[16:58] sak
    I think that means you're supposed to interject with that.
[17:01] hay
    Oh, Sakuya-san.
[17:03] ---
    Wait?! I'm supposed to
    hit her with this?!
[17:05] nag
    I see! She means that, in comedy,
    you need a straight man too.
[17:09] sak
    Exactly. When the comic says something dumb,
    you have to interject with all your might.
[17:12] sak
    If you hold back when you're interjecting,
    it'll kill the comedy.
[17:16] hay
    Hold on. If I interject like
    that, she'll kill me!
[17:20] nag
    You'll be fine, Hayate.
[17:22] ---
    Even Maria will laugh and
    forgive you for this...
[17:26] nag
    if you do it right.
[17:28] sak
    Yeah, you've got nothing
    to worry about...
[17:31] ---
    unless you don't do it right.
[17:34] hay
    I don't know how you're
    meant to do it...
[17:37] nag
    Let's get cracking then, Hayate!
[17:39] sak
    Good luck!
[17:41] hay
    Are you serious?
[17:43] nar
    He can't resist the flow of events, and so,
    his dangerous mission begins.
[17:50] mar
    Hayate-kun, please can
    you clean over there?
[17:54] hay
    Sure. No problem.
[18:01] hay
    I'm supposed to interject when
    she does something stupid, but...
[18:13] hay
    I guess it's true that she's naturally
    a bit of an airhead, but...
[18:18] hay
    she's as much of a perfectionist as
    Hinagiku-san, if not even more so.
[18:22] hay
    I doubt she'll make a
    mistake so easily...
[18:28] hay
    Even the tune she hums is pleasant
    and suits her cleaning regime...
[18:34] hay
    Pleasant...
[18:38] hay
    Th-This cool, pleasant song that
    somehow stirs my heart...
[18:43] hay
    Could it be...
[18:44] nar
    It's a song from a legendary
    giant mecha anime!
[18:50] nar
    Each person alone can only be a flame,
[18:52] nar
    but if two people get together,
[18:54] nar
    it becomes a fierce blaze!
[18:55] nar
    When Maria becomes a blaze,
    she is invincible!
[19:01] hay
    What a realistic heavenly voice.
[19:04] ---
    But anyway, Maria-san, don't you
    think that song's a bit old,
[19:06] hay
    even though it's a masterpiece?
[19:12] hay
    Should I do it?
[19:13] ---
    Should I use the paper fan?
[19:15] ---
    Should I slap her?!
[19:18] hay
    I'm sure they're both watching
    me from somewhere, so I...
[19:23] hay
    I should...
[19:26] hay
    Maria-san!
[19:27] mar
    Yes?
[19:28] hay
    What song are you humming?
[19:33] mar
    Oh, Nagi was listening to it all
    night long the other day.
[19:37] mar
    I don't know what it is,
    but it stuck with me.
[19:41] mar
    It's probably a theme tune
    for some anime series.
[19:45] hay
    Phew! I'm so glad
    I didn't go for it!
[19:49] ---
    I was about to step on
    a landmine there.
[19:52] nag
    Comedy can be pretty
    intense, can't it?
[19:55] sak
    Yeah, what a fantastic
    atmosphere!
[19:59] sak
    But, at this rate, we
    won't get anywhere.
[20:02] hay
    She's right. We're not gonna
    get anywhere like this.
[20:05] hay
    I have to find her flaw and expose
    it as soon as possible.
[20:09] nag
    Come on!
[20:11] sak
    Come on! Do something stupid!
[20:14] hay
    Do it!
[20:16] mar
    I wonder why I've suddenly got this feeling that there's
    a really unpleasant aura floating around again...
[20:23] mar
    What?
[20:24] mar
    The window's broken.
[20:27] ---
    Oh my, what should we do?
[20:29] nag
    There it is! A natural airhead!
[20:30] sak
    A pun!
[20:32] hay
    Window!
[20:33] hay
    Maria-san!
[20:35] mar
    Yes?
[20:49] nag
    Are you braindead?!
[20:57] nag
    Man, I can't believe
    Hayate sometimes!
[21:05] nar
    What happened after that?
[21:08] hay
    But man, I really drew
    the short straw there.
[21:12] sak
    But it was a riot in the end.
[21:15] ---
    I'm satisfied.
[21:18] sak
    Thanks, Hayate.
[21:21] hay
    Sakuya-san...
[21:24] sak
    Right. Good luck when the
    real thing comes round!
[21:27] hay
    What? The real thing?!
[21:30] sak
    Well, today's March 29th.
SIGN    Today: March 29th
[21:33] sak
    My birthday's on April
    3rd, remember?
[21:36] hay
    Oh, you're right!
[21:38] sak
    I'm counting on you!
[21:41] nag
    There are many forms of stand-up
    comedy in the world,
[21:44] nag
    but a straight man and a funny man duo
    is pretty much the staple diet.
[21:47] ---
    Okay, Isumi, be an airhead!
[21:49] isu
    But I've never been the
    funny man before...
[21:53] nag
    Good job. Wataru, interject
    with all your might!
[22:00] wat
    Y-You...
[22:08] nag
    Not enough anger!
[22:09] nag
    You won't score any
    laughs like that!
[22:12] nag
    Right, Wataru, you're
    the funny man next!
[22:16] wat
    Why don't you give it a
    try? I'll slap you good!
[22:19] isu
    Wataru-kun, the timing of your
    interjections is pretty poor.
[22:28] nar
    Sakuya Aizawa, almost fourteen.
[24:06] nag
    I lost again! Why can't I beat
    Hayate at card games?!
[24:10] hay
    Oh, I just got lucky.
[24:12] nag
    Again! This time, I'm going
    to beat you to a pulp!
[24:16] hay
    I just got lucky before.
[24:19] ---
    My skill is way below
    yours, Chief.
[24:21] nag
    Stop calling me that, moron!
[24:25] hay
    The next episode of Hayate the Combat Butler
    is entitled I Couldn't Do the Maid Turn.
[24:28] hay
    A third maid makes a sensational appearance!
[24:31] nag
    I lost again...