1 - Assassination Time

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:28] ---
    "Assassination"\n"Class 3-E"\n
[00:52] ---
    "Roll Book"\n
[00:53] ---
    Now then...\n
[00:55] ---
    ...let's get started.\n
[00:57] ---
    Student on duty, on your command.\n
[00:59] ---
    S-Stand up!\n
[01:05] ---
    Attention!\n
[01:10] ---
    Bow!\n
[01:14] ---
    Good morning.\n
[01:16] ---
    Fire all you like--I'll just\nbe taking attendance.\n
[01:20] ---
    Isogai?\n
[01:21] ---
    Here!\n
[01:23] ---
    I'm sorry, you'll have to\nspeak up with all this gunfire.\n
[01:26] ---
    Here!\n
[01:27] ---
    Okajima?\n
[01:28] ---
    Here!\n
[01:29] ---
    Okuda!\n
[01:30] ---
    Here!\n
[01:31] ---
    Kataoka?\n
[01:32] ---
    Here!\n
[01:32] ---
    Kayano?\n
[01:33] ---
    Here!\n
[01:34] ---
    Kanzaki!\n
[01:35] ---
    Here!\n
[01:38] ---
    All right.\n
[01:39] ---
    No tardies. Excellent!\n
[01:42] ---
    That makes me very happy.\n
[01:44] ---
    He's too fast.\n
[01:45] ---
    So the whole class shooting at him doesn't work?\n
[01:48] ---
    We\n
[01:50] ---
    are killers.\n
[01:51] ---
    And our target\n
[01:54] ---
    is our teacher.\n
[01:55] ---
    Too bad. Not a single bullet\nhit its mark today, either.\n
[01:59] ---
    Methods that rely on sheer\nnumbers lack any individual thought.\n
[02:02] ---
    Line of sight, barrel position,\nfinger movement--\n
[02:06] ---
    each of these is far too simple.\n
[02:09] ---
    You've got to be more inventive!\n
[02:10] ---
    Otherwise...\n
[02:12] ---
    ...you'll never be able to kill me\nat my max speed of Mach 20.\n
[02:17] ---
    But, like, see...\n
[02:19] ---
    No way did you seriously dodge all of those!\n
[02:21] ---
    I mean, these are just BB's.
[02:24] ---
    You coulda just stood there\ngrittin' your teeth as they hit you.\n
[02:27] ---
    Yeah! That's right!\n
[02:31] ---
    Gather up the BB's and hand them over.\n
[02:34] ---
    I told you: these may be harmless to you...\n
[02:41] ---
    ...but they're special anti-me BB's\ndeveloped by the government.\n
[02:45] ---
    If one hits me, it can slice\nthrough my cells like they were tofu.\n
[02:49] ---
    Of course, they regenerate a few seconds later.\n
[02:53] ---
    Then again, you could end up shooting your eyes out.
[02:57] ---
    No shooting in the classroom\nunless you're trying to kill me.\n
[03:02] ---
    I do hope you can kill me--before graduation, that is.
[03:07] ---
    Now then, let's put away the guns\nand BB's and start on our work.\n
[03:13] ---
    Class 3-E of Kunugigaoka Junior High School:\nthe assassination classroom.\n
[03:18] ---
    Another day, another class bell rings.\n
[04:55] ---
    "Episode 1: Assassination Time"\n
[05:01] ---
    Now, here's the question:\n
[05:04] ---
    Isogai!\n
[05:04] ---
    Y-Yes, sir?\n
[05:06] ---
    Which of these four tentacles\nis not like the others?\n
[05:09] ---
    Um... the blue one?\n
[05:11] ---
    Correct! Only the "who" in the\nblue sentence is a relative pronoun.\n
[05:16] ---
    --A relative pronoun qualifies\nthe noun right before it, so here,\n
[05:17] ---
    --Hey, Nagisa.\n--A relative pronoun qualifies the noun right before it, so here,\n
[05:19] ---
    --A relative pronoun qualifies the noun right before it, so here,\n
[05:20] ---
    --"who is standing over there" is describing "boy" over here.\n
[05:21] ---
    --The crescent moon's out, even though it's daytime.\n--"who is standing over there" is describing "boy" over here.\n
[05:26] ---
    How did we end up like this?\n
[05:30] ---
    Two things happened at\nonce as our third year began.\n
[05:50] ---
    The first was the moon\nsuddenly exploding into a crescent.\n
[05:58] ---
    "Breaking"\n"NASA Reporting: Most of Moon Missing?"\n
[06:00] ---
    We interrupt this program\nto bring you breaking news.\n
[06:03] ---
    We've just gotten word that\nabout 70 percent of the moon\n
[06:06] ---
    has been vaporized into nothing. I repeat...\n
[06:10] ---
    Will we have only a crescent moon\nto look at for the rest of our lives?\n
[06:15] ---
    And the second was this:\n
[06:18] ---
    How do you do?\n
[06:21] ---
    I'm the one who blasted your moon.\n
[06:26] ---
    I plan to do the same to the Earth next year.\n
[06:28] ---
    Now I'm your teacher. Nice to meet you.\n
[06:33] ---
    There are at *least *six things wrong with this picture!
[06:35] ---
    The feeling was unanimous.\n
[06:37] ---
    I'm Karasuma from the Ministry of Defense.\n
[06:41] ---
    First, please understand that\nwhat I'm about to say is a state secret.\n
[06:48] ---
    Let me be blunt:\n
[06:50] ---
    I want you to kill this creature.\n
[06:55] ---
    Um...\n
[06:57] ---
    What is that? Is that the alien or whatever that came to attack us?
[07:01] ---
    How rude! I'll have you know\nI was born and raised on Earth!\n
[07:05] ---
    He was?\n
[07:06] ---
    I'm afraid I can't discuss the details,\nbut he's telling the truth.\n
[07:11] ---
    Come March next year,\nthis creature who smashed the moon\n
[07:16] ---
    will destroy Earth as well.\n
[07:19] ---
    Only the world's leaders know about this.\n
[07:23] ---
    If news of this guy gets out there,\nwe'd be looking at a global panic.\n
[07:28] ---
    You've got to kill him in\nsecret before that happens.\n
[07:32] ---
    In other words...\n
[07:33] ---
    ...an assassination.\n
[07:35] ---
    But this guy...\n
[07:37] ---
    ...is extremely fast!\n
[07:38] ---
    You try to kill him...\n
[07:40] ---
    ...and he ends up grooming your\neyebrows instead--immaculately!\n
[07:46] ---
    This superbeing has the power\nto turn a full moon into a crescent.\n
[07:50] ---
    His speed tops out at Mach 20!\n
[07:53] ---
    In short, if he gets away,\n
[07:56] ---
    we'll be left helpless,\nawaiting our destruction.\n
[08:00] ---
    And that's no fun.
[08:03] ---
    So I made your government an offer:\n
[08:06] ---
    No killing me.\n
[08:08] ---
    Instead, I'll teach Class 3-E at\nKunugigaoka Junior High School.\n
[08:13] ---
    What? Why?\n
[08:14] ---
    We don't know what he's after.\n
[08:16] ---
    But we were forced to agree,\n
[08:18] ---
    on the condition that he\ndoesn't harm any of you students.\n
[08:23] ---
    "Old Campus"\n
[08:23] ---
    "Old Campus"\nWe have two reasons:\n
[08:25] ---
    First and foremost,\ncoming to a classroom every day\n
[08:27] ---
    lets us keep an eye on him,\n
[08:30] ---
    and second, it gives some thirty people\nthe opportunity to kill him\n
[08:34] ---
    from extremely close range.\n
[08:38] ---
    Nakamura...\n
[08:40] ---
    Didn't I tell you not to let\nassassination interfere with your studies?\n
[08:43] ---
    Sorry...\n
[08:45] ---
    As punishment, go stand in the back!\n
[08:49] ---
    Why did this creature become our teacher?\n
[08:52] ---
    Why should we have to assassinate him?\n
[08:54] ---
    These cries faded with\nword of one final condition.\n
[08:58] ---
    Success will be rewarded with ten billion yen.\n
[09:02] ---
    It's only right.\n
[09:04] ---
    A successful assassination\nwill literally save the Earth.\n
[09:09] ---
    Luckily, he doesn't think much of you.\n
[09:13] ---
    See? Those green stripes\nmean he's looking down on you!\n
[09:16] ---
    What the hell kind of skin is that?!
[09:18] ---
    Obviously! If the government\ncan't kill me, how could you?\n
[09:23] ---
    Even when they sent their\ncutting-edge fighter jets after me...\n
[09:34] ---
    ...I ended up giving them a\ncoat of wax right there in midair!\n
[09:37] ---
    What's with all the grooming?\n
[09:39] ---
    You must find a chink in\nhis defenses and strike at it.\n
[09:44] ---
    You'll have weapons and ammo that won't hurt humans, but will work on him.
[09:48] ---
    You must keep this secret\nfrom your family and friends.\n
[09:52] ---
    There's no time to lose.\n
[09:54] ---
    If the Earth should disappear,\nwe'll have nowhere left to run.\n
[09:57] ---
    And that's about it! Now let's make\nthe most of your one remaining year!\n
[10:07] ---
    We only have a year.\n
[10:09] ---
    If we don't manage to assassinate this guy,\n
[10:13] ---
    Earth will be history.\n
[10:21] ---
    Ah, lunchtime!\n
[10:23] ---
    I'll just pop over to China for some mapo tofu.
[10:27] ---
    Any aspiring assassins are\nwelcome to hit me up on my cell.\n
[10:34] ---
    Let's see... if he's traveling at Mach 20...\n
[10:38] ---
    ...it'll take maybe ten minutes to get to Sichuan, home of mapo tofu.
[10:41] ---
    Guess no missile could shoot that down.
[10:45] ---
    Heck, that octopus even grades tests\nwhile moving faster than sound!\n
[10:49] ---
    Seriously?!\n
[10:50] ---
    "English Quiz" "Perfect answer!! Double octopus!"\nMine came back with a drawing on it.\n
[10:53] ---
    Don't you think he's\npretty good at teaching, though?\n
[10:56] ---
    Right? He taught me math\nafter class and I did great on my test!\n
[11:02] ---
    Yeah, but...\n
[11:04] ---
    ...we are the E Class.
[11:07] ---
    Tryin' our best won't do much.\n
[11:10] ---
    True, he was a super octopoid creature\nand our assassination target,\n
[11:15] ---
    but...\n
[11:16] ---
    ...for whatever reason,\nhe does a perfectly normal job of teaching.\n
[11:20] ---
    And though we're impromptu killers,\nwe're perfectly normal students...\n
[11:26] ---
    but the E Class is a\nlittle different from the rest.\n
[11:34] ---
    Hey, Nagisa.\n
[11:36] ---
    Come with us. It's time to put\nour assassination plan into action.\n
[11:44] ---
    That octopus's face changes\ncolor according to his mood, right?\n
[11:49] ---
    Did you do those observations I told you to?\n
[11:52] ---
    More or less. We know it's striped\ngreen when he's feeling confident.\n
[11:58] ---
    "A: A" "K: kiha" "B: bara"\n
[11:58] ---
    "A: A" "K: kiha" "B: bara"\nWhen we give a wrong answer, it's dark purple.\n
[12:02] ---
    "A: Akiyama" "K: Kiyohara" "B: Burkleo"\nA right answer makes it go bright scarlet.\n
[12:04] ---
    But what's really interesting is after lunch...\n
[12:07] ---
    I don't need to know all that.\n
[12:10] ---
    I have a plan... and when he\nlets his guard down the most,\n
[12:14] ---
    you are going to carry it out.
[12:16] ---
    M-Me? But...\n
[12:18] ---
    Don't be such a goody-goody. We're the E Class--\n
[12:22] ---
    the misfits that can't keep up\nat this famous prep school.\n
[12:28] ---
    They call us... the End Class.
[12:29] ---
    "The End Class" They call us... the End Class.
[12:32] ---
    "Old Campus"\n
[12:32] ---
    "Old Campus"\nEvery day, they send us to this isolated\n
[12:36] ---
    mountaintop campus,\ndiscriminating against us like we're scum.\n
[12:40] ---
    When would us losers ever\nin our lives get another chance\n
[12:43] ---
    to score a cool ten billion yen?\n
[12:46] ---
    We're gonna make it--make\nit through this crappy situation...\n
[12:51] ---
    by any means necessary.\n
[12:56] ---
    Just don't screw up,\n
[12:57] ---
    Nagisa.\n
[12:59] ---
    I heard that Nagisa is headed for E Class.\n
[13:03] ---
    Ooh. Well, that's it for him.\n
[13:06] ---
    I'm gonna delete his contact info.\n
[13:08] ---
    Me, too. Can't have people\nthinking we're on the same level!\n
[13:20] ---
    I'm back!\n
[13:22] ---
    H-Hello, sir...\n
[13:25] ---
    What's with the missile?\n
[13:27] ---
    A souvenir.\n
[13:28] ---
    The Self-Defense Force was\nwaiting for me in the Sea of Japan.\n
[13:31] ---
    I-It must be terrible, being a target.\n
[13:34] ---
    Not at all. You know you're powerful\nwhen everyone has it in for you.\n
[13:39] ---
    Now let's begin fifth period.\n
[13:47] ---
    Yes, sir.\n
[13:48] ---
    He doesn't understand.\n
[13:51] ---
    If you're everyone's assassination target,\n
[13:54] ---
    that means they all acknowledge your power.\n
[14:00] ---
    A creature like that\nwouldn't understand what it's like\n
[14:03] ---
    being unworthy of anyone's expectations or fear,\n
[14:05] ---
    or even their recognition...\n
[14:11] ---
    Thanks to you, my evaluation is in the gutter!\n
[14:15] ---
    The only good thing about it is not having to see you anymore.
[14:24] ---
    I might just be able to kill him.\n
[14:26] ---
    After all... this teacher can't see me, either.\n
[14:38] ---
    "Old Campus"\n
[14:40] ---
    "All Along"\n
[14:41] ---
    "All Along"\nAll right, then,\n
[14:43] ---
    compose a short poem\nto go along with our theme.\n
[14:46] ---
    The final line should be\n"was tentacles all along."\n
[14:50] ---
    Huh?\n
[14:51] ---
    "Was tentacles all along"?\n
[14:54] ---
    Indeed!\n
[14:55] ---
    When you're finished, bring them to me.\n
[14:57] ---
    I'm looking for proper grammar\n
[15:00] ---
    and whether you've\nconveyed the tentacle's beauty.\n
[15:03] ---
    An example:\n
[15:04] ---
    "Not the storm of garden's snow\n/ of flowers moving on\n
[15:08] ---
    But sprouting there instead\n/ was tentacles all along."\n
[15:13] ---
    "It was tentacles"? Really?\n
[15:15] ---
    Once you're done, you're free to go home!\n
[15:18] ---
    How are we gonna write about that?
[15:20] ---
    Now, now--aren't any marvelously\nslithery phrases coming to mind?\n
[15:24] ---
    Slither slither slither slither!\n
[15:27] ---
    --Enough with the slithering!\n--Slither slither slither slither!\n
[15:28] ---
    I have a question!\n
[15:30] ---
    Ah--yes, Kayano?\n
[15:33] ---
    This is a weird question to\nask now, but... what's your name?\n
[15:37] ---
    How else can we tell what\nteacher we're talking about?\n
[15:40] ---
    My... name?\n
[15:43] ---
    Now that you mention it...\n
[15:44] ---
    ...he never did tell us.\n
[15:45] ---
    Hmm... I don't really have\nthe kind of name you tell people.\n
[15:49] ---
    Go ahead and give me one.\n
[15:51] ---
    You sure about that?\n
[15:53] ---
    But right now, focus on your schoolwork.\n
[15:55] ---
    Yes, sir.\n
[15:57] ---
    Meanwhile, I'll just take a little break.\n
[16:08] ---
    Finished already, Nagisa?\n
[16:17] ---
    After lunch, right around\nthe time we get sleepy,\n
[16:20] ---
    his face sometimes goes light pink.\n
[16:24] ---
    He was a little slow responding\nto Kayano's question, too.\n
[16:27] ---
    That might be when he's at his most vulnerable.\n
[16:34] ---
    Us prep-school failures are always thinking,\n
[16:38] ---
    "We gotta get back at 'em somehow."\n
[16:40] ---
    You can do it if you try.\n
[16:42] ---
    That's what our parents\nand friends and teachers say.\n
[16:46] ---
    You can do it if you try.\n
[16:52] ---
    I told you: be more inventive!\n
[16:55] ---
    We have to prove ourselves...\n
[16:58] ---
    ...by any means necessary.\n
[17:07] ---
    Yesss!\n
[17:08] ---
    We did it!\n
[17:09] ---
    --Ten billion yen! Cha-ching!\n--Nagisa!\n
[17:12] ---
    Serves you right!\n
[17:13] ---
    Terasaka!\n
[17:14] ---
    What have you done?!\n
[17:15] ---
    Bet he never expected a suicide bomber!\n
[17:18] ---
    Hey!\n
[17:19] ---
    What'd you give Nagisa?!\n
[17:21] ---
    Huh? A toy grenade.\n
[17:24] ---
    But I beefed it up with gunpowder\n
[17:27] ---
    so it'd shoot three hundred anti-Sensei bullets\n
[17:30] ---
    at crazy-high speed!\n
[17:33] ---
    They're not strong enough to kill anybody.\n
[17:35] ---
    My ten billion yen'll cover his medical bi--\n
[17:40] ---
    He's not hurt? Not even a single burn?\n
[17:43] ---
    And... this membrane...\n
[17:45] ---
    --is attached to that octopus's corpse?\n--As it happens,\n
[17:48] ---
    I shed my skin once a month.\n
[17:51] ---
    I protected Nagisa there\nby covering him with my old skin.\n
[17:56] ---
    It's my once-monthly ace in the hole.\n
[18:03] ---
    Terasaka, Yoshida, Muramatsu.\n
[18:08] ---
    You don't have to look at\nthe color of his face to know.\n
[18:17] ---
    Pitch black! He is furious!
[18:20] ---
    You three...\n
[18:22] ---
    ...you're behind this, yes?\n
[18:24] ---
    N-No!\n
[18:25] ---
    It was all Nagisa's idea!\n
[18:34] ---
    He's gone!\n
[18:35] ---
    "Yoshida" "Terasaka" "Muramatsu"\n
[18:38] ---
    "Yoshida" "Terasaka" "Muramatsu"\n
[18:39] ---
    The nameplates off our houses?!\n
[18:41] ---
    My agreement with your\ngovernment says I won't harm you.\n
[18:46] ---
    But if you try another assassination like that one...\n
[18:48] ---
    "Shiota"\nBut if you try another assassination like that one...\n
[18:54] ---
    "Takebayashi" "Hazama" "Shiota" "Sugaya"\n...I might just harm someone else.\n
[18:57] ---
    ...I might just harm someone else.\n
[18:58] ---
    Your family, your friends...\n
[19:00] ---
    Or I could wipe out the\nwhole planet apart from you.\n
[19:06] ---
    Five seconds, and we all knew:\n
[19:09] ---
    There was no running\nto the ends of the Earth for us.\n
[19:13] ---
    If we really wanted to run...
[19:17] ---
    ...all we could do... was kill him!\n
[19:21] ---
    What the hell's your deal, anyway?\n
[19:23] ---
    You're just a giant pain!\n
[19:25] ---
    Showing up all "I'm gonna\nblow up Earth" and "Assassinate me"!\n
[19:28] ---
    What's so wrong with using an\nannoying method to kill an annoying guy?!\n
[19:33] ---
    Annoying? Hardly.\nYour idea itself was a very good one.\n
[19:38] ---
    Especially you, Nagisa.\n
[19:40] ---
    The way you carried yourself so naturally\non your approach gets full marks.\n
[19:43] ---
    You made it right through\nthe chink in my defenses.\n
[19:46] ---
    However!\n
[19:48] ---
    None of you looked out for Nagisa,\nnot even Nagisa himself.\n
[19:54] ---
    Students like that aren't\nfit to assassinate anyone.\n
[19:58] ---
    We need an assassination worth\nsmiling about--one to be proud of!\n
[20:01] ---
    You're all capable assassins\nwho have that power within you.\n
[20:06] ---
    Some advice from your teacher and your target.\n
[20:11] ---
    Chewed out at Mach 20,\nthen praised with waving tentacles...\n
[20:16] ---
    This unusual education\n
[20:18] ---
    made me pretty happy.\n
[20:21] ---
    All because this unusual teacher\n
[20:23] ---
    was actually\n
[20:25] ---
    looking at us head-on.\n
[20:35] ---
    If you...\n
[20:38] ---
    If you would give your time,\n
[20:41] ---
    go teach those children.\n
[20:45] ---
    What splendid tentacles...\n
[20:48] ---
    With hands like these...\nI'm sure you'll be a splendid teacher.\n
[20:56] ---
    Here's a question for you, Nagisa:\n
[20:58] ---
    I have not the slightest\nintention of being killed.\n
[21:02] ---
    I will enjoy my time with\nyou all until next March,\n
[21:04] ---
    and then blow Earth up.\n
[21:07] ---
    If you don't like it,\nwhat are you going to do about it?\n
[21:11] ---
    We've never assassinated anyone before,\n
[21:14] ---
    and there's plenty of\nother stuff we should be doing.\n
[21:19] ---
    But you know...\n
[21:21] ---
    I think this teacher\n
[21:23] ---
    might even accept my bloodlust.\n
[21:26] ---
    Before you destroy Earth... I'll kill you.\n
[21:32] ---
    Then do it now!\n
[21:34] ---
    Once you've killed me, you're free to go home!\n
[21:37] ---
    Just like that, huh?\n
[21:38] ---
    You know we can't kill you!
[21:41] ---
    We are killers. And our target\n
[21:44] ---
    is our teacher.\n
[21:45] ---
    --Wipe, wipe, wipe it clean!\n--Even if we shot him now...\n
[21:48] ---
    ...we'd just be polished up\nlike those nameplates.\n
[21:51] ---
    We're never going home!\n
[21:53] ---
    An unkillable teacher...\n
[21:55] ---
    "Korosenai"... "koro"...
[21:58] ---
    Oh! How about "Koro Sensei"?\n
[22:01] ---
    Koro Sensei?\n
[22:04] ---
    It's us and Koro Sensei,\n
[22:07] ---
    in our assassination classroom.\n
[22:10] ---
    Another day, another class bell rings.\n
[22:18] ---
    *I still remember the shooting star *
[22:24] ---
    *I saw last night--I was waiting for... *
[22:32] ---
    *Hello, shooting star *
[22:34] ---
    *Hello, shooting star again *
[22:37] ---
    *She's been waiting *
[22:39] ---
    *That dreaming girl has been here *
[22:43] ---
    *All this time, ah ah *
[22:49] ---
    *Just like she was that day, ah ah *
[22:55] ---
    *Shine again *