E2 - Hot Guy Kobayashi! (In Many Ways)
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] (Flashback) Dragon1
Ilulu.
[00:03] (Flashback) Dragon1
Ilulu.
[00:05] (Flashback) Dragon1
Were you playing with humans again?
[00:07] (Flashback) Ilulu
Yeah.
[00:08] (Flashback) Ilulu
Humans are nice, so I love them!
[00:11] (Flashback) Dragon1
I see.
[00:12] (Flashback) Dragon1
Perhaps it is time we
consider coexisting, then.
[00:17] (Flashback) Dragon2
Bad news!
[00:18] (Flashback) Dragon2
The humans are attacking the dragon village!
[00:21] (Flashback) Dragon3
This always happens when we stay quiet.
[00:26] (Flashback) Dragon3
Damn humans!
[00:27] (Flashback) Dragon3
They will pay!
[00:29] (Flashback) Ilulu
Where's Mom and Dad?
[00:31] (Flashback) Dragon2
I'm sorry, dear.
[00:33] (Flashback) Ilulu
Does this mean I can't
play with humans anymore?
[00:35] (Flashback) Dragon2
Of course it does!
[00:37] (Flashback) Dragon2
The humans are the ones who
took your parents from you!
[00:41] (Flashback) Dragon3
Humans are our enemy!
[00:43] (Flashback) Dragon3
There will never be
understanding between us!
[02:22] Kobayashi
Good.
[02:23] Kobayashi
Everyone's asleep.
[02:27] Kobayashi
I can't believe the first one I'd see aside
from my father's would be my own...
[02:35] Tohru
Oh, welcome home, Miss Kobayashi.
[02:38] Tohru
Jeez, please say something
if you're going to be late.
[02:41] Kobayashi
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
[02:43] Tohru
What's the matter, Miss Kobayashi?
[02:45] Tohru
Your face is bright red.
[02:47] Kobayashi
Huh?
[02:48] Tohru
Do you have a cold?
[02:50] Kobayashi
I-I'm fine!
[02:53] Kobayashi
Huh? Why?!
[02:55] Kobayashi
Why is my heart racing because
Tohru looks like this?!
[02:57] Kobayashi
Does this mean I'm lusting after Tohru?
[03:01] Kobayashi
Just put your clothes on.
[03:03] Tohru
Okay.
[03:07] Ilulu
Kobayashi,
[03:08] Ilulu
now that you've become a man,
[03:10] Ilulu
you'll show your true colors in no time!
[03:13] Ilulu
Now, show me!
[03:15] Ilulu
Show me how shallow humans are!
[03:17] Kobayashi
I bet that's what she's thinking.
[03:20] Kobayashi
I'm betting Ilulu used magic
to turn me into a guy.
[03:23] Kobayashi
I just hope I go back to normal with time.
[03:29] Kobayashi
I don't know what Ilulu
hopes to get out of me,
[03:33] Kobayashi
but I need to keep a clear head.
[03:48] Kobayashi
K-Kanna-chan?!
[03:51] Kanna
Good morning, Kobayashi.
[03:54] Kobayashi
What's wrong?
[03:55] Kanna
I thought you'd be cold in the morning.
[03:58] Kobayashi
I-I'm awake already, okay?
[04:05] Kobayashi
At this point, I have no
idea what might happen.
[04:10] Kobayashi
I'll need to keep some
distance from the others.
[04:13] Kobayashi
I wonder if Tohru could fix this.
[04:15] Tohru
Huh?! Miss Kobayashi's become a male?!
[04:18] Tohru
Let's do it, then!
[04:19] Tohru
Let's get on with preserving our species!
[04:22] Kobayashi
That's dangerous.
[04:24] TVMan
Okay, let's ride the canoe to adventure!
[04:26] Kobayashi
What are you watching?
[04:27] TVMan
Everyone watching at home
come along with us, too!
[04:27] Kanna
Clinky Clang.
[04:29] Kanna
Oh!
[04:31] TVMan
Are you all ready?
[04:33] TVMan
Let's go!
[04:33] Kids
Go!
[04:35] Both
Oh!
[04:35] Kobayashi
Oh?
[04:36] TVMan
Now, paddle, paddle!
[04:38] Both
Yeah!
[04:40] TVMan
It's a waterfall! Everyone, huddle up!
[04:46] Kobayashi
This is normal between women.
[04:49] Kobayashi
I-I can take it.
[04:50] Kobayashi
I won't be controlled by
some crazy instincts.
[04:54] Tohru
Miss Kobayashi!
[04:56] Kobayashi
Don't hug me for no reason!
[04:58] Kanna
Kobayashi!
[04:59] Kobayashi
Don't frolic on me!
[05:01] Tohru
Miss Kobayashi!
[05:03] Kobayashi
I said, don't hug me for no reason!
[05:04] Tohru
Miss Kobayashi!
[05:05] Kobayashi
No!
[05:14] Kobayashi
Was her contact always this intense?
[05:19] Kobayashi
Phew.
[05:20] Kobayashi
Thank goodness, it's gotten smaller.
[05:24] Kobayashi
I knew Ilulu had to be weakened
after her battle with Tohru.
[05:30] Kobayashi
The factions of dragons
from Tohru's world...
[05:33] Kobayashi
The chaos faction, right?
[05:35] Kobayashi
They hate humans and teach
their children the same.
[05:40] Kobayashi
Ilulu was raised that way,
[05:42] Kobayashi
so she lives that way
[05:46] Kobayashi
and thinks like that, too.
[05:51] Tohru
Miss Kobayashi! Miss Kobayashi!
[05:54] Tohru
Kanna's asleep, so how
about some evening liquor?
[05:58] Kobayashi
Mmm.
[06:04] Kobayashi
It's good.
[06:06] Kobayashi
I'm done thinking about it today.
[06:11] Kobayashi
Huh? This happened before, too.
[06:14] Kobayashi
The love potion?!
[06:18] Tohru
I noticed partway through.
[06:21] Tohru
Right now, you...
[06:23] Tohru
have one of those!
[06:25] Tohru
Ilulu must have gotten to you, huh?
[06:28] Tohru
Poor Miss Kobayashi.
[06:31] Tohru
I'll fix you right up.
[06:32] Tohru
But before that!
[06:33] Tohru
I'll seize my opportunity!
[06:36] Tohru
Now that our hearts are united,
that just leaves our bodies.
[06:41] Tohru
Now, Miss Kobayashi, give it all to me.
[06:45] Tohru
Why are you completely turned off?!
[06:47] Kobayashi
You took off your maid outfit.
[06:48] Kobayashi
How could you?
[06:49] Tohru
Huh?
[06:50] Kobayashi
Tohru, I'm going to tell you all
the things that make a maid great
[06:54] Kobayashi
from the male perspective.
[07:00] Kobayashi
Good.
[07:05] Kobayashi
I made it through that.
[07:07] Kobayashi
What will you do next, Ilulu?
[07:19] Georgie
It's displayed nicely, Miss.
[07:23] Saikawa
Something's not right, though.
[07:27] Saikawa
That does it!
[07:29] Georgie
I see!
SIGN Episode 2
SIGN Hot Guy Kobayashi! (In Many Ways)
[07:43] Cremene
Stop. Don't run.
[07:49] Ilulu
You followed me here, harmony bastard?!
[07:52] Cremene
I'm Cremene of the dragon-slaying camp.
[07:55] Cremene
Give my name to the judge in
the underworld after you die.
[07:58] Cremene
I want the credit.
[08:03] Kobayashi
Now...
[08:05] Kobayashi
Ilulu always appears when I'm alone,
[08:09] Kobayashi
so maybe I can see her if I wait here?
[08:12] Kobayashi
I wonder why I'm
[08:14] Kobayashi
focusing on Ilulu so much?
[08:18] Kobayashi
Maybe it's because I feel
like we could get along?
[08:23] Kobayashi
All the others I've met from another world
[08:25] Kobayashi
have been friendly.
[08:28] Kobayashi
They all have this air of having lived
through conflict and its resulting tragedy,
[08:33] Kobayashi
yet they're still able
to interact with people
[08:36] Kobayashi
because they know that's not everything.
[08:38] Kobayashi
Because they're willing to believe
there's more than just strife.
[08:42] Kobayashi
That's the Tohru I believe in.
[08:46] Kobayashi
Which is why I want her to reconcile
[08:49] Kobayashi
with Ilulu.
[08:53] Kobayashi
Ilulu's not showing up.
[08:56] Kobayashi
Maybe she's over here,
where there's less foot traffic?
[09:05] Kobayashi
Ilulu?!
[09:07] Kobayashi
You're injured?
[09:09] Cremene
You've seen us?
[09:12] Cremene
Human of this world, I have come to destroy
that vile beast from another world.
[09:19] Cremene
Leave here at once,
[09:21] Cremene
and forget you were ever here.
[09:25] Kobayashi
Who is this guy?
[09:27] Kobayashi
Do you mean you're here to kill Ilulu?
[09:29] Kobayashi
You're saying you're an adult
that's trying to kill a child?
[09:32] Cremene
I am.
[09:33] Cremene
That creature is chaos.
[09:36] Cremene
An evil dragon that will bring
naught but harm to humans.
[09:39] Kobayashi
In that case...
[09:47] Cremene
What is that unpleasant blare?!
[09:50] Neighbor
Hey! Keep it down!
[09:51] Kobayashi
All right!
[09:54] Kobayashi
Security Buzzer Power!
[10:00] Kobayashi
You're damn heavy!
[10:02] Cremene
They ran away?
[10:05] Cremene
Why would a human...?
[10:11] Kobayashi
Oh, coming to?
[10:15] Kobayashi
You okay?
[10:16] Kobayashi
It looks like your wound
healed up right away, though.
[10:20] Ilulu
Why did you save me?
[10:22] Kobayashi
Can we say we're safe yet?
[10:25] Kobayashi
I'm sure that guy's still after you, right?
[10:28] Ilulu
It doesn't matter.
[10:30] Kobayashi
Huh?
[10:31] Ilulu
If I'm defeated in battle,
then that's just my fate.
[10:35] Kobayashi
Wouldn't me saving you be fate, too, then?
[10:42] Kobayashi
Hey, Ilulu.
[10:43] Kobayashi
Is there something you want to tell me?
[10:46] Kobayashi
The way you mess with me
[10:48] Kobayashi
kind of suggests there is.
[10:50] Ilulu
I...
[10:51] Ilulu
can't accept dragons coexisting with humans.
[10:55] Ilulu
There's no way they can
get along with humans.
[10:57] Kobayashi
You told me that before.
[11:00] Ilulu
Because if they can get along...
[11:04] Ilulu
then why did I spend all this time...
[11:10] (Flashback) Dragon3
Dragons are superior beings,
so associating with humans is shameful.
[11:14] Ilulu
I really...
[11:15] (Flashback) Dragon4
There were all kinds of tragedies.
[11:18] (Flashback) Dragon4
Harmony is impossible.
[11:19] Ilulu
I really, well...
[11:21] (Flashback) Dragon3
Humans are our enemy!
[11:22] Ilulu
I wanted...
[11:23] Ilulu
I wanted to...
[11:29] Ilulu
I really...
[11:32] Ilulu
wanted to play with them more!
[11:41] Ilulu
No one would let me.
[11:43] Ilulu
That girl and that boy did
nothing wrong, and yet...
[11:51] Kobayashi
I see.
[11:53] Kobayashi
Then, hey,
[11:57] Kobayashi
let's play together next time.
[12:02] Kobayashi
We do all kinds of things, you know.
[12:05] Kobayashi
We play dodgeball, go to Comiket,
go to hot springs, and so on.
[12:09] Kobayashi
Though, you'll have to lay off the kind
of play that turns into battles.
[12:13] Ilulu
Y-You're trying to trick me!
[12:16] Ilulu
You're trying to win me over
by saying nice things!
[12:19] Kobayashi
Yeah, I am.
[12:20] Ilulu
Huh?
[12:21] Kobayashi
I'm trying to tame a fierce,
evil dragon of chaos
[12:24] Kobayashi
with sweet words to render her harmless.
[12:28] Kobayashi
Will you believe what you've been taught?
[12:30] Kobayashi
Or would you care to be tricked by me?
[12:44] Ilulu
I...
[12:45] Cremene
That's enough.
[12:47] Cremene
I can't believe you and the
human were working together.
[12:50] Cremene
I'll exterminate you, too!
[12:52] Kobayashi
Can you do that?
[12:54] Kobayashi
You have rules to follow, don't you?
[12:56] Cremene
Those rules are only on paper.
[12:58] Cremene
They're rules between dragons,
so they don't apply to humans.
[13:04] Kobayashi
He's making Tohru's father
seem genuinely nice.
[13:08] Kobayashi
But...
[13:12] Kobayashi
Don't underestimate humans.
[13:15] Cremene
A human who would try to protect a dragon?
[13:19] Cremene
Hmph!
[13:21] Ilulu
Kobayashi!
[13:24] Kobayashi
Ow!
[13:29] Kobayashi
That super hurts.
[13:32] Kobayashi
You're late.
[13:49] Cremene
You?!
[13:50] Cremene
How are you here?!
[13:52] Tohru
How dare you hurt Miss Kobayashi!
[13:55] Cremene
E-Even if you're here, I just
need to call in reinforcements!
[13:59] Cremene
I'll summon Lady Elma at on—
[14:03] Tohru
Choose the right words
to plead for your life
[14:05] Tohru
and I'll let you have your soul
back after breaking your body.
[14:09] Tohru
Now,
[14:10] Tohru
beg for your life!
[14:21] Kobayashi
D-Did you kill him?
[14:23] Tohru
No, I just erased his
memories of this world
[14:26] Tohru
and sent him back from where he came.
[14:29] Tohru
After punishing him a bit.
SIGN Horn
[14:31] Kobayashi
I see.
[14:33] Kobayashi
Thank goodness.
[14:34] Kobayashi
Now Ilulu can...
[14:36] Kobayashi
Huh? Now that I'm relieved, I feel...
[14:42] Tohru
Miss Kobayashi?!
[14:43] Tohru
Please hang in there!
[14:45] Tohru
Dragon saliva can stop bleeding!
[14:48] Ilulu
You just want to lick her, don't you?!
[14:50] Tohru
Here I come, Miss Kobayashi!
Lick, lick, lick, lick!
[14:54] Ilulu
Man, your tongue is long!
[14:59] Kobayashi
A functional member of society
[15:02] Kobayashi
is someone who diligently obeys the rules
[15:05] Kobayashi
and prioritizes their company
over their private life.
[15:08] Kobayashi
I believed that's just how it is.
[15:12] Kobayashi
Because I was taught that it's my duty to
fill my role as a functional member of society.
[15:17] Kobayashi
Then, the next thing I knew, I no longer
had any friends in my private life.
[15:23] Kobayashi
That was when I met Tohru
and managed to change.
[15:29] Kobayashi
So, maybe,
[15:30] Kobayashi
I was seeing my old self in Ilulu.
[15:37] Kobayashi
Ah.
[15:38] Tohru
Miss Kobayashi?
[15:39] Tohru
Stay with me!
[15:40] Kanna
You're okay.
[15:42] Kobayashi
Tohru.
[15:43] Kobayashi
Kanna-chan.
[15:45] Kobayashi
Is this our home?
[15:46] Kobayashi
Yes!
[15:47] Kobayashi
I healed your wounds, as well!
[15:50] Kobayashi
Where's Ilulu?
[15:53] Tohru
Right there.
[15:59] Tohru
This girl wouldn't even
try to leave your side.
[16:02] Tohru
Even if she's finally noticed what
makes you so great, it's too late!
[16:06] Ilulu
Kobayashi!
[16:09] Ilulu
Can I let you trick me?
[16:14] Kobayashi
Yeah, of course.
[16:27] Announcer
Good morning.
[16:29] Announcer
El Niño Miki is here to share
today's national weather.
[16:33] Announcer
Today, large regions will be seeing sunshine.
[16:33] Kobayashi
Will she be fine without making
her claws and tail disappear?
[16:37] Announcer
We're under a high pressure system,
so it's calm skies over a wide region.
[16:38] Kobayashi
And if she could make her
breasts a normal size.
[16:41] Announcer
You can rest assured and
hang your laundry out today.
[16:41] Tohru
Ilulu is already pushing
herself as it is at that size.
[16:44] Announcer
The cherry blossoms are
starting to bloom as well.
[16:45] Tohru
If she wasn't pushing herself,
her breasts would be even bigger.
[16:47] Announcer
They're only just blooming, but there
aren't many caterpillars at this time!
[16:49] Tohru
Oh, she could probably make her claws
and tail disappear if she tried.
[16:52] Announcer
So, how about giving an early
flower viewing a try right now?
[16:52] Kobayashi
Huh? What do you mean she
can't reduce her breasts?
[16:55] Kobayashi
Give me about 5% of that!
[16:56] Announcer
Mornings and evenings will
be chilly in many locations.
[16:58] Ilulu
Kobayashi, Kobayashi.
[17:00] Kobayashi
What's the matter?
[17:01] Ilulu
This is where excrement goes, right?
[17:04] Ilulu
How does it work?
[17:05] Kobayashi
I have to start from there?
[17:07] Kobayashi
Yeah, you sit on there.
[17:09] Kobayashi
Just like that.
[17:11] Ilulu
I got it.
[17:13] Kobayashi
We'll have to teach her all kinds of things.
[17:17] Kobayashi
If only I had a talented
maid at times like these.
[17:20] Kobayashi
I'd see them in a whole new light.
[17:25] Kobayashi
Sorry. Just while I'm away at work.
[17:28] Tohru
It's fine.
[17:30] Tohru
You and I have a special,
eternal bond, after all!
[17:34] Kobayashi
Don't add eternal on there so casually.
[17:36] Tohru
Have a good day.
[17:38] ExerciseMan
Have you been working those muscles?
[17:41] Tohru
Now...
[17:41] ExerciseMan
When you don't work out they'll degrade
and it can hasten your body's aging.
[17:44] Tohru
We were just trying to kill
each other the other day.
[17:48] Ilulu
There's no way Tohru would
forgive a traitor.
[17:51] Ilulu
She'll eliminate me.
[17:53] Ilulu
But I want to know more about
Kobayashi before that.
[17:56] Ilulu
I won't go down easily.
[17:58] (Flashback) Kobayashi
Don't fight!
[18:02] Tohru
Here.
SIGN Living as a Human Manual
SIGN Kobayashi Tohru
[18:04] Tohru
It's the manual I wrote on
how to live as a human.
[18:07] Tohru
Now, change your claws into human hands.
[18:15] Tohru
Wha?
[18:21] Tohru
Why are you laughing at yourself?!
[18:23] Tohru
Do you suck at making hands?
[18:26] Ilulu
I can't transform them well.
[18:28] Ilulu
I'll read it like this.
[18:29] Tohru
Oh, you can hold it with those hands?
[18:31] Ilulu
They come with tiny hands.
[18:33] Tohru
Creepy!
[18:37] Ilulu&Screen
"Greetings.
[18:38] Ilulu&Screen
Humans establish communication
with greetings.
[18:42] Ilulu&Screen
For now just repeat whatever
greeting one says to you."
[18:46] Ilulu&Screen
"Food.
[18:47] Ilulu&Screen
Humans can mostly eat anything,
but they stubbornly won't eat dragon meat.
[18:52] Ilulu&Screen
Currently seeking ways to get them to eat it."
[18:55] Ilulu&Screen
"Mating
[18:56] Ilulu&Screen
I want to do it."
[18:57] Ilulu
The stuff in here is biased!
[18:59] Tohru
It's the truth for me.
[19:01] Ilulu&Screen
"Clothing.
[19:02] Ilulu&Screen
Wearing clothing as similar as possible to what
other humans wear will keep you from standing out."
[19:07] Illu
Hmm?
[19:08] Illu
Aren't you going against this a bit?
SIGN Conspicuous
[19:11] Tohru
Yah!
[19:12] Ilulu
Fine.
[19:13] Ilulu
I'll wear human clothing, too.
[19:16] Tohru
We don't have your size.
[19:17] Ilulu
There are Kanna's clothes, right?
[19:19] Tohru
The size won't fit!
[19:20] Ilulu
See, it fit.
[19:24] Tohru
What did I just tell you?
[19:26] Tohru
Why don't you transform
your scales like I do?
[19:30] Ilulu
I don't have the skill to do that.
[19:32] Tohru
I'll lend you my clothes, then.
[19:36] Tohru
What are you planning to do from now on?
[19:38] Ilulu
What will I do?
[19:40] Tohru
What do you want to do?
[19:42] Tohru
There's something, isn't there?
[19:44] Ilulu
Something I want to do?
[19:46] Ilulu
I'll think on it.
[19:48] Tohru
That so?
[19:49] Ilulu
Yeah.
[19:51] Tohru
Well, you're welcome to stay in our
home as long as you like until you decide.
[19:55] Ilulu
You couldn't fully say
that polite phrase there.
[19:57] Tohru
This might come as a surprise,
[19:59] Tohru
but I don't take kindly to you being here!
[20:02] Ilulu
That's not a surprise.
[20:04] Tohru
After all, think about how you showed up!
[20:07] Tohru
You were like a bloodthirsty berserker.
[20:09] Ilulu
No, that was because fighting
you seemed like fun.
[20:13] Ilulu
Wait, I looked like that?!
[20:15] Tohru
Please figure out what
you want to do quickly.
[20:19] Tohru
They say those who don't work don't eat.
[20:21] Ilulu
What about Kanna?
[20:23] Tohru
Kanna has her job as an elementary school student.
[20:26] Ilulu
Then I'll be an elementary
school student, too.
[20:29] Tohru
You have to be a child for that.
[20:31] Tohru
You're about the same
age as me, aren't you?
[20:34] Ilulu
I see.
[20:39] Tohru
At least think it over.
[20:42] Kobayashi
I'm home.
[20:43] Tohru
Welcome home!
[20:45] Kobayashi
What's Ilulu doing?
[20:47] Tohru
Thinking about what she wants to do.
[20:50] Kobayashi
Hmm...
[20:54] Kobayashi
I hope you find something.
[20:58] Kobayashi
What is it?
[20:59] Ilulu
I figured out what I want to do for now.
[21:02] Kobayashi
Oh, what's that?
[21:04] Ilulu
I want to make babies with you.
[21:05] Kobayashi
Huh?
[21:06] Tohru
Huh?
[21:07] Ilulu
When I thought about it,
[21:09] Ilulu
I am at an age where I could
have and raise children.
[21:12] Ilulu
I want you to fill the loneliness
from my lack of family.
[21:16] Ilulu
Kobayashi, have sex with me!
[21:18] Tohru
No way!
[21:20] Tohru
That's just no, no, no, no!
[21:21] Tohru
Not happening!
[21:23] Kobayashi
I'm a woman, anyway.
[21:25] Ilulu
I can give you a thing again!
[21:26] Tohru
No, you won't!
[21:27] Tohru
If you do that, then I'm doing her!
[21:29] Kanna
Vulgar.
[21:30] Kobayashi
Right?
[21:31] Tohru
Absolutely not, got it?!
[21:32] Kobayashi
I'm not really holding onto my chastity for
a reason, but I'm not giving it to you all.
[21:40] Kanna
Oh!
[21:42] Kobayashi
That's for Ilulu.
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[23:22] Kobayashi
Where should we have Ilulu sleep?
[23:24] Kobayashi
We don't have space for another bed.
[23:26] Ilulu
What about here?
[23:27] Kobayashi
The closet?
[23:28] Ilulu
It's calming.
[23:29] Kobayashi
If you're okay with it, that works.
[23:30] Ilulu
Yeah, I like it.
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Episode 3
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Extracurricular Activities (Of Course They're Not Normal)
SIGN This Week's "Who's Rotten?"
SIGN Cancer
SIGN You Might Get Caught In An Unexpected Event
SIGN Lucky Advice
SIGN Astrology is meaningless, anyway.
SIGN Don't completely reject it
SIGN This Week's "Who's Rotten?"
SIGN Cancer.
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