E5 - Tohru's Real World Lessons! (She thinks she understands it already.)

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Tohru
    Miss Kobayashi! Kanna! Breakfast is ready!
[00:08] K
    This miso soup is good.
[00:10] T
    Thank you. I made it using only
    ingredients from this world, too.
[00:18] Both
    We're off!
[00:19] T
    Yes, watch out for cars!
[00:25] T
    Kanna, make you sure you don't
    destroy them if you run into one.
[00:27] ---
    Yup.
[00:32] T
    Yes! This morning I wasn't chastised
    by Miss Kobayashi for any mistakes.
[00:36] T
    It was a perfect morning.
[00:41] T
    I must be improving my skills as maid.
[00:45] T
    Perhaps that means I'm getting
    used to this world, too?
[02:25] Staff
    You've been happier lately,
    haven't you, Kobayashi-san?
[02:29] K
    Huh? Have I?
[02:30] Staff
    You used to be a bit more stoic before.
[02:34] Staff
    It's like you've become a little more open.
[02:39] ---
    See you later.
[02:44] K
    I guess it's been two months
    since she showed up, huh?
[02:51] K
    What was I like back then?
[02:58] Cook
    The secret is to marinate it in honey.
SIGN    Today's Point
[03:01] Cook
    Then it'll grow softer, and the
    meat will absorb flavor more easily.
[03:01] T
    Maybe Miss Kobayashi will eat my tail
    meat if I prepare it like that.
[03:06] Reporter
    What modern girls want
    their lover to do most!
SIGN    2) Pet their head
    3) Hold their hand in public
     4) Carry like a princess
     5) Hug them from behind
[03:09] Reporter
    First place is...
SIGN    2) Head petted
    3) Holding hands in public
SIGN    1) Push them against a wall
[03:11] Reporter
    being pushed against a wall!
[03:15] Reporter
    I'd love to experience
    it myself at least once!
[03:16] T
    Hmm, so they pursue love with sounds.
[03:18] T
    Just like birds.
[03:19] Caster
    Me, too!
[03:20] T
    Pursue love...
[03:23] T
    Miss Kobayashi.
[03:25] K
    Tohru.
[03:29] Announcer
    Now for tonight's news.
[03:31] Announcer
    Early this morning, there was a
    fire in Tatsumi-cho, Nishi-ku.
SIGN    Jigokumeguri System Engineering (Inc.)
SIGN    Takinokuchi Office
[03:38] Takiya
    Kobayashi-san.
[03:41] Takiya
    Sorry, but could you help me out here?
[03:44] Kobayashi
    Sure.
[03:46] Kobayashi
    Whoa, you've taken on an awful lot again.
[03:52] T
    I want to see Miss Kobayashi
    working at least once.
[03:59] T
    One of my 48 maid skills:
    perception blocking.
[04:02] T
    Now I can enter without anyone noticing.
SIGN    It's actually magic
[04:09] T
    There she is, there she is.
[04:10] K
    Well, thank you for your time.
[04:13] K
    Goodbye.
[04:18] T
    What's wrong, Kobayashi-san?
[04:21] T
    Takiya?!
[04:22] K
    Well, remember Yamashita-kun's project?
[04:25] K
    There was a mistake in the product,
    and he's in trouble if it's not fixed today.
SIGN    Yamashita-kun
     Out Sick
[04:30] Takiya
    Ah.
SIGN    Sorry.
[04:31] Y
    Sorry.
[04:32] K
    So for now, I'll work on that.
[04:35] K
    It means I won't be able to help you,
    Takiya-kun, but is that okay?
[04:40] Takiya
    It's fine, it's fine.
[04:41] Takiya
    Makes sense anyway.
[04:42] Takiya
    Especially given the circumstances.
[04:45] Takiya
    But...
[04:46] Takiya
    Let's go drinking again.
[04:48] K
    Sure.
[04:51] Staff
    Hey, can you help me here?
[04:53] Staff
    I'll be right there. Wait a moment.
[04:55] Staff
    This schedule's impossible.
[04:58] Staff
    Can't we adjust it somehow?
[05:01] Staff
    We'll have to reevaluate this.
[05:02] T
    Humans may gather together, help each other,
    and accomplish many things,
[05:03] Staff
    Let's check it one more time.
[05:07] T
    but their civilization could be*
    easily destroyed by dragons.
[05:11] T
    So I think dragons are better.
[05:15] Boss
    Kobayashi!
[05:17] Boss
    How's that project coming?!
[05:19] K
    Oh, not done yet.
[05:21] Boss
    What are you doing?! You're useless!
[05:24] Boss
    What did I tell you?
[05:26] Boss
    I told you get it done right away, didn't I?
[05:27] T
    Who's this guy?
[05:28] Boss
    When I say right away, I mean right away!
[05:29] Staff
    Chief's pushing his work
    onto Kobayashi-san again...
[05:30] Boss
    Are you incapable of prioritizing?!
[05:33] Boss
    You need to work to earn your paycheck!
[05:33] Staff
    The chief's project isn't even that vital.
[05:37] Boss
    Listen!
[05:38] Boss
    Quit slacking off and get
    it finished quickly!
[05:41] K
    Understood.
[05:42] Boss
    Hmph! Christ!
[05:50] Staff
    Stop it!
[05:57] T
    Serves him right.
[05:59] T
    That should help Miss Kobayashi—
[06:01] T
    Huh?
[06:04] T
    I thought I was blocking perception?
[06:06] T
    N-No one's found out, right?
[06:28] T
    Miss Kobayashi sure works hard.
[06:31] T
    And so many people rely on her, too.
[06:37] T
    Miss Kobayashi's so cool!
[06:40] Boss
    Kobayashi!
[06:42] Boss
    How's that project going?!
[06:44] Boss
    I haven't received a report on it yet!
[06:45] T
    This guy again?!
[06:47] K
    Oh, sorry. I had a lot of things to do.
[06:50] Boss
    Follow my orders first!
[06:52] K
    Yamashita-kun's work
    is higher on the priority list.
[06:55] Boss
    Don't talk back to me!
[07:02] Boss
    Anyway!
[07:04] Boss
    Show more motivation!
[07:05] K
    Sorry.
[07:07] Boss
    Christ!
[07:08] Boss
    You're useless!
[07:12] ---
    What?
[07:14] Boss
    Wh-Who is it?!
[07:22] Staff
    Chief's having bad luck today, huh?
[07:30] Staff
    Thanks for your work.
SIGN    Jigokumeguri System Engineering (Inc.)
SIGN    Takinokuchi Office
[07:31] Staff
    I'll be leaving now.
[07:32] Staff
    Thanks for your work.
[07:38] T
    Now, I should leave before
    Miss Kobayashi does...
[07:42] K
    Tohru.
[07:45] K
    You're there, right?
[07:47] K
    Whoa, you really were?!
[07:51] T
    How did you know?
[07:52] K
    Huh?
[07:54] K
    I just had a feeling you were.
[07:57] K
    Jeez.
[07:59] K
    I bet it was boring to sneak
    a peek at my work, right?
[08:02] T
    Not at all!
[08:05] T
    I wanted to know more about you.
[08:16] K
    I see.
[08:21] K
    Shall we go home?
[08:24] T
    Yes!
[08:29] Staff
    You've been happier lately,
    haven't you, Kobayashi-san?
[08:36] K
    I wonder what I used to be like?
[08:43] K
    I've already forgotten.
[08:50] Staff
    I heard the chief got
    canned for abusing power.
[08:53] Staff
    Someone sent the director
    a recording of proof.
[08:57] Staff
    Who did that?
[09:02] Teacher
    Okay. Now everyone pair up and please
    draw a picture of your friend.
[09:08] ---
    Okay.
[09:12] Saikawa
    Kanna-san, would you draw me?
[09:18] Kanna
    Friend.
SIGN    Episode 5
SIGN    Tohru's Real World Lessons! (She Thinks She Understands It Already)
SIGN    Oborozuka Shopping District
[09:30] T
    Asparagus, watercress, new potatoes!
[09:34] T
    I bought a bunch of vegetables in season!
[09:38] T
    Since we got them cheaper than planned,
    I guess I'll buy some snacks for Kanna.
[09:48] T
    Mr. Fafnir!
[09:52] T
    I'm home!
[09:54] K
    Welcome home.
[09:55] T
    I was surprised to find you standing there.
[09:59] T
    Oh, here you go.
[10:01] T
    What's going on?
[10:07] F
    I've decided to live in
    this world for a while.
[10:09] T
    Really?!
[10:11] T
    To be honest, I can't
    recommend it that strongly.
[10:14] T
    Can you live with humans?
[10:16] F
    If you can do it, then I can do it.
[10:20] T
    I guess that's true.
[10:21] T
    Then why don't you stay he—
[10:23] T
    Oh, I guess you can't.
[10:26] T
    Do you have any place to stay?
[10:29] F
    I'll live in some nearby mountain.
[10:32] Announcer
    Now for today's news.
[10:34] Announcer
    Last night there were reports of a
    monster spotted in the mountains,
[10:37] Announcer
    and police were dispatched.
[10:39] Announcer
    The monster was said to
    stand 20m at full height.
[10:43] F
    What?
[10:44] F
    Don't stand out?
[10:46] F
    Why do I have to sneak around
    and hide from humans?
[10:51] F
    Maybe I should just destroy them all.
[10:53] T
    Oh, forget about that stuff.
[10:55] T
    You'll be living amongst people.
[10:58] T
    So you have to show some restraint.
[11:00] T
    Right, I know!
[11:04] T
    I'll help search for a place
    for you to live, Mr. Fafnir.
[11:07] K
    Huh?
[11:08] K
    Hey, are you sure, Tohru?
[11:10] T
    I'll be all right!
[11:12] T
    Please leave it to me, Mr. Fafnir!
[11:14] F
    Hmph. I guess I'll see what you can do.
[11:19] T
    Just the other day I watched Miss Kobayashi
    move out, so I understand the process.
[11:24] F
    Oh?
[11:25] T
    You create a "family registration"
    and a "proof of citizenship,"
[11:30] T
    also a "bank account" and a "personal seal,"
    then you show them to a "realtor."
[11:34] F
    That doesn't make sense.
[11:37] T
    So, I made them for you myself.
[11:42] F
    Hold on.
[11:43] T
    Yes?
[11:44] F
    Is this me?
SIGN    Ooyama Takeshi
SIGN    Mysterious Large Creature
    20 Meters Tall
[11:47] T
    Yes.
[11:48] T
    Your dragon form looked like
    an Ooyama Takeshi, so...
[11:54] F
    You resemble them too much.
[11:55] T
    Huh?
[11:56] F
    You're growing too close to humans now.
[12:01] F
    When you return to your world,
[12:03] F
    will you be able kill humans?
[12:12] T
    I don't intend to return to my world.
[12:15] T
    This is where I belong.
[12:21] F
    In a century or so, that human
    you're attached to will die.
[12:26] F
    Then...
[12:30] T
    I'm fine.
[12:33] T
    The more I treasure these moments
    and being here right now,
[12:36] T
    the sadder I'll be when
    that time comes, I'm sure.
[12:39] T
    But I don't want to call
    those feelings regret.
[12:48] T
    Oh! Green means go.
[12:52] F
    You think they're worth
    speaking so highly of?
[12:56] T
    I do.
[12:59] T
    Because Miss Kobayashi is one of them.
[13:05] T
    Were you worried about me?
[13:09] F
    I was just curious about what
    humans are like in this world.
SIGN    Mitani Real Estate
SIGN    Oh, if it isn't Kobayashi-san's maid.
[13:17] T
    Thank you for last time.
[13:19] R
    So, what's your budget?
[13:21] F
    Money, huh?
[13:27] R
    We're not a pawn shop.
[13:32] T
    Guess that didn't work.
[13:34] F
    Oh well, I'll steal a fittin—
[13:36] T
    No, you won't!
[13:41] F
    I can't believe there's no money exchange.
[13:43] F
    Shows the limits of this world.
[13:45] T
    About that...
[13:46] T
    Are you sure it isn't best for
    you to live in your own world?
[13:52] T
    I'm sure it's hard to live here
    without a human you get along with.
[14:01] T
    There is a human you'd be
    all right with, Mr. Fafnir!
[14:06] Takiya
    Who is it?
[14:08] Takiya
    Tohru-dono!
[14:09] Takiya
    Oh, if it isn't Fafnir-dono!
[14:13] Takiya
    I'm surprised you knew where I lived.
[14:16] T
    I asked Miss Kobayashi.
[14:18] T
    So, Mr. Takiya.
[14:20] Takiya
    What is it?
[14:21] Takiya
    Actually, would you let Mr. Fafnir
    here... stay with you for a while?
[14:27] Takiya
    Oh, Fafnir-dono?
[14:30] T
    Y-Yes.
[14:31] Takiya
    Sure thing.
[14:32] T
    Huh? You mean it?!
[14:34] Takiya
    Well, it's a little cramped, but...
[14:37] T
    You really mean it?!
[14:39] T
    I know I'm one to talk, but this
    dragon's fairly dangerous.
[14:44] F
    Hey, about last time...
[14:46] Takiya
    You mean the game?
[14:48] F
    What others are there?
[14:50] T
    Well, come on in.
[14:52] F
    Tell me more about them.
[14:53] T
    Sure thing.
[14:57] T
    Was Mr. Fafnir really worried about me?
[15:06] Teacher
    Yes. Now let's conduct the experiment
    according to the chart in your textbooks.
[15:10] Student
    Yes.
[15:12] Kanna
    I forgot my text book. Show me yours?
[15:16] Saikawa
    I-I guess I have to.
[15:27] Magician
    Now try bending it.
SIGN    ESP! Bending spoons
[15:29] Magician
    You don't need to use any strength.
[15:31] Magician
    Just bend it with your will.
[15:37] T
    He didn't bend it with
    strength just now, did he?
[15:38] Announcer
    Incredible! How did it happen?!
[15:40] Kanna
    Doesn't look like he used magic either.
[15:43] T
    If I recall, he did something like this...
[15:48] T
    Oh, not that.
SIGN    Bend
SIGN    Bend
SIGN    Bend
SIGN    Snap...
SIGN    Bend
[15:58] K
    Hey!
SIGN    Hiss!!
[16:00] K
    Ah, you've bent them all.
[16:03] T
    S-Sorry.
[16:05] K
    What were you trying to do?
[16:07] Kanna
    Kobayashi! That! That!
[16:09] Magician
    Now this 100 yen coin will
    pass through the cup!
[16:10] K
    Oh, that's what you were doing.
[16:12] K
    Is that rare? ESP?
[16:15] T
    ESP?!
[16:17] T
    So humans really do have hidden powers?!
[16:25] T
    I knew Miss Kobayashi wasn't
    just an ordinary person!
[16:28] Kanna
    God! Kobayashi God!
[16:30] T
    Indeed!
[16:31] K
    Listen!
[16:32] K
    These are magic tricks.
[16:34] K
    Anyone can do them once they learn how.
[16:37] T
    Anyone?
[16:39] T
    I've heard of this before.
[16:40] T
    Humans usually only use about
    10% of their brain capacity.
[16:45] T
    In other words, if humans put their minds to it,
    anyone would be able to use super powers.
[16:50] T
    To be able to when they try.
    What crafty, lazy creatures.
[16:54] T
    I can't forgive humans!
[16:56] T
    Never!
[16:56] K
    You're thinking something weird again.
[16:59] Kanna
    Lady Tohru, this book was
    on Kobayashi's shelf.
SIGN    You Can Do It, Too! ESP
[17:04] T
    Well done, Kanna!
[17:05] K
    Oh, that's a book I bought long ago.
[17:07] T
    I see. So if you do this,
    then power enters your hand.
[17:10] K
    That's all fiction though.
[17:13] T
    Training! This book provides good training!
[17:17] T
    I'm going training!
[17:18] K
    Tohru's easily influenced, huh?
[17:20] T
    Miss Kobayashi, come with me!
[17:23] K
    Well, I'm free, so sure.
[17:25] T
    Oh, I'll fix your spoons first.
[17:27] K
    You don't need ESP, Tohru.
[17:34] K
    Again? How cliche.
SIGN    Training 1 Mental Fortification
[17:39] T
    Will I actually learn how
    to do it by doing this?
[17:53] K
    It doesn't matter if you can do it, does it?
[17:56] T
    Empty the mind.
[17:58] T
    Right now, I have no desires.
SIGN    Training 2 Meditation
[18:01] Kanna
    Kobayashi, I'm hungry.
[18:03] T
    Weakling!
[18:06] T
    Wha?!
[18:09] T
    Me, too!
[18:11] K
    Here.
SIGN    Training 3 Clairvoyance
[18:17] T
    Star!
[18:19] Kanna
    Wrong.
[18:21] T
    Miss Kobayashi! Miss
    Kobayashi! Miss Kobayashi!
SIGN    Training 4 Thoughtography
[18:24] T
    M-Miss Kobayashi?!
[18:26] K
    That's your horn, right?
SIGN    Training 5 Forms
SIGN    Training 5 Forms
SIGN    Training 6 Sparring
[18:41] T
    Miss Kobayashi, please look! This is our...
[18:46] T
    Compilation: Bear Slayer!
SIGN    Training Compilation
SIGN    Bear Slayer
[18:49] K
    What do you want to become?
[18:56] T
    Why?!
[19:00] K
    Listen, Tohru.
[19:02] K
    You can do plenty of things humans can't,
     so isn't that good enough?
[19:08] T
    No!
[19:09] T
    I don't want to lose to humans!
[19:12] T
    I can't be inferior to them in any way!
[19:16] T
    Absolutely not!
[19:19] T
    Absolutely.
[19:21] K
    I don't think it's like that, Tohru.
[19:25] K
    I think you actually want
    to understand humans,
[19:28] K
    and that's why you're so desperate
    to understand what you can't.
[19:37] K
    Tohru.
[19:38] K
    You search for the spoon's center of gravity,
[19:42] K
    then using the principle
    of leverage here, there.
[19:53] T
    Huh?
[19:54] K
    Once you understand, it's simple, isn't it?
[19:56] K
    This is, at least. But there are
    some things that aren't that way.
[20:01] K
    So, Tohru, you should focus on the
    things only you can do.
[20:11] T
    Right.
[20:12] T
    I understand.
[20:19] T
    I understand.
[20:29] K
    Tohru.
[20:36] T
    Well!
[20:37] T
    I'm going to show you a
    power only I can use!
[20:42] T
    Please watch, Miss Kobayashi!
[20:44] K
    But don't break anything, okay?
[20:47] T
    Then there's not much I can do.
[20:50] K
    Are you the avatar of destruction?
[20:51] Kanna
    I can produce electricity.
SIGN    Magic Show of the Century
[20:57] Announcer
    Now, the beautiful lady has
    entered the box. Please watch.
[21:01] Announcer
    This is the super magic
    of instant teleportation!
[21:03] T
    This!
[21:06] Announcer
    Now, it's the moment of the century.
[21:15] Announcer
    What?! Huh? Wha? A maid?
[21:17] Announcer
    A maid has appeared from the box!
[21:19] Announcer
    This isn't what we planned? Huh?
[21:26] Kids
    Hey, hey, give me a big helping!
SIGN    Milk
[21:28] Saikawa
    Sweet and sour pork with pineapples?
[21:32] Saikawa
    I hate this.
[21:39] Saikawa
    C-Cute!
[21:42] Kanna
    We're likely to have
    leftovers, so here's extra.
[21:47] Sai
    Extra?!
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:26] T
    Miss Kobayashi, I learned new magic!
[23:28] K
    Wow.
[23:29] T
    Please take a look at this coin on a string.
[23:31] K
    Okay.
[23:32] T
    You will fall deeper and deeper in
    love with Tohru! In love with Tohru!
SIGN    Episode 6
SIGN    Home Visit! (And Homes Not Visited)
[23:36] K
    That's not magic.