E1 - Ai Hayasaka Wants to Stave Them Off
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] ---
I swear I'll make you say it.
[00:05] ---
"KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR"
[00:07] ---
The words, "I love you."
[00:12] ---
"AAAH!!"
[00:14] ---
"THE GENIUSES' WAR OF HEARTS AND MINDS"
[00:15] ---
"I'M AN UNWANTED CHILD!!"
[00:41] ---
"STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM"
[00:52] ---
Ai Hayasaka.
[00:53] ---
Kaguya Shinomiya's personal assistant
[00:56] ---
is a pro at handling her employer's
impossible demands.
[01:01] ---
I apologize for this, President.
[01:03] ---
It's all for Lady Kaguya.
[01:11] ---
How's the coffee, President?
[01:12] ---
"AI HAYASAKA WANTS TO STAVE THEM OFF"
[01:14] ---
Oh, it's as good as always.
[01:17] ---
Is that right?
[01:18] ---
I'm glad to hear it.
[01:33] ---
Decaffeinated coffee!
SIGN "SHIROGANE'S DAY" "Sleep" "Morning Study"
[01:35] ---
Shirogane is constantly sleep-deprived.
SIGN "Go to School" "Classes" "Student Council"
SIGN "Job" "Go Home" "Night Study"
[01:38] ---
If he doesn't have caffeine every three hours,
[01:38] ---
"CAFFEINE"
[01:40] ---
it's as if his battery runs out.
[01:41] ---
He's a major caffeine fiend.
[01:43] ---
Without the caffeine in his coffee
serving as a lifeline,
[01:47] ---
he crashes!
[01:48] ---
Goodnight, President.
[01:51] ---
Now...
[01:52] ---
...for the next step of my strategy...
[01:54] ---
Like most days,
Kaguya is plotting something, but...
[02:03] ---
What's wrong?
[02:05] ---
Hayasaka,
[02:07] ---
there's been an accident.
[02:09] ---
President is...
[02:11] ---
...on my shoulder!
[02:14] ---
Ch-Change of plans!
[02:16] ---
Listen! Until I come up with the next plan,
don't let a single soul enter this room!
[02:23] ---
As you wish.
[02:24] ---
The first topic of the first episode
of the second season is...
[02:28] ---
Ai Hayasaka's hardships.
SIGN "MISSION: Don't let a single soul into the student council room"
[02:40] ---
I left something in there!
[02:42] ---
Lady Kaguya is in a really bad mood!
[02:46] ---
She has this murderous gleam
in her eyes.
[02:50] ---
Changing people's behaviors...
[02:52] ---
To accomplish this,
you need to anticipate their actions,
[02:54] ---
"FUND-RAISING PERMISSION FORM"
[02:55] ---
read their train of thought
[02:56] ---
and choose
the appropriate intervention.
[02:56] ---
"Skill: Gal Mode"
SIGN "No one's in the student council room. It's locked. I can't finish my errands. People with free time, meet up in the library."
[03:23] ---
Here.
[03:50] ---
"NAPPING"
[03:53] ---
Has Lady Kaguya accomplished
her objective?
[03:57] ---
I wouldn't expect a kiss,
but perhaps his head lying on her lap.
[04:05] ---
Nothing has changed!
[04:07] ---
"TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[04:07] ---
Today's battle result...
[04:08] ---
"KAGUYA WINS"
[04:09] ---
Kaguya wins.
[04:11] ---
This still counts!
[04:14] ---
"THAT WAS BEFORE SUMMER VACATION.
AND NOW..."
[04:17] ---
Romantic advice?
[04:19] ---
Yeah, man.
[04:20] ---
It's like you're the romantic guru around here.
Like Dr. Love or something.
[04:26] ---
"THE STUDENT COUNCIL
HAS NOT ACHIEVED NIRVANA"
[04:26] ---
That's fine, but...
[04:29] ---
"FLOP "FLIP
DUDE-BRO" WIMP"
[04:30] ---
Um... The thing is...
[04:32] ---
What the hell happened to you?
[04:33] ---
You're like a sleazy player!
[04:33] ---
"PLAYA!!"
[04:34] ---
Post-summer vacation!
[04:36] ---
They say you should take a close look at a boy
if you haven't seen him for three days,
[04:39] ---
and the change is even more obvious
after the month-long summer vacation.
[04:43] ---
Various internal changes manifest externally.
[04:44] ---
Before summer vacation,
your hair was straight and black!
[04:48] ---
What's this?
[04:49] ---
Well, that's related
to what I want to ask you about.
[04:54] ---
All right, fine!
[04:57] ---
If you're doing a consultation,
I could make myself scarce.
[04:59] ---
No, it's cool.
[05:01] ---
In fact, I want you to listen in.
[05:04] ---
So, what's the problem?
[05:06] ---
Well, it's about Nagisa again.
[05:09] ---
You know, my girlfriend.
[05:10] ---
He had to throw that in.
[05:12] ---
Aren't things going well
between you two?
[05:15] ---
Going well?
[05:17] ---
What's the yardstick for that?
[05:20] ---
It's so-so, I guess.
[05:23] ---
President, that expression doesn't say
"so-so" to me. More like "smooth sailing"!
[05:24] ---
Well, so-so, I guess
I could really say "not bad"!
[05:28] ---
Right.
[05:30] ---
I have a sneaking suspicion...
[05:32] ---
...that he's not really here
for advice but to gloat.
[05:36] ---
No, no way. I'm sure
he's about to get down to business.
[05:41] ---
How can I put it?
[05:43] ---
Summer was maybe too awesome.
[05:48] ---
It's like, the two of us are lovebirds,
[05:49] ---
"I'M TELLIN' YOU..."
[05:51] ---
but where do we go from here?
[05:54] ---
He is just here to gloat!
[05:57] ---
Ch-Chill! What do you intend to do
with that toilet paper?
[06:01] ---
So,
[06:02] ---
you're asking me
how to get to the next step?
[06:06] ---
Um...
[06:08] ---
More or less, I guess.
[06:12] ---
President, I think this guy's run out of steps.
[06:15] ---
No, get out of here.
[06:17] ---
They've only been a couple for four months.
[06:19] ---
They wouldn't have gone that far.
[06:20] ---
No, I sense the divine!
[06:22] ---
It's like he's experienced nirvana!
[06:23] ---
The ABCs of Love!
[06:25] ---
It's said that it takes high school students
three to six months of dating
[06:31] ---
before they go all the way to C.
[06:33] ---
Nagisa and her boyfriend had been going out
for more than three months.
[06:36] ---
On top of that,
they spent summer vacation together!
[06:38] ---
It was entirely possible
that they experienced nirvana.
[06:42] ---
Man, summer vacation was the best!
[06:46] ---
I'm sure you enjoyed yours,
too, right, President?
[06:48] ---
All I did was study and work every day.
[06:52] ---
Except at the end when the student council
got together to watch fireworks.
[06:57] ---
That's all?
[06:58] ---
That's all.
[06:59] ---
No dates with girls?
[07:01] ---
None.
[07:03] ---
Kinda sorry I asked.
[07:04] ---
"GRIT GRIT"
[07:05] ---
President, what do you intend to do
with that toilet paper?
[07:09] ---
Oh, there you are.
[07:11] ---
Oh, Nagisa.
[07:13] ---
You've got business
with the student council, too?
[07:15] ---
Yeah, that's right.
[07:19] ---
I want to discuss something with Kaguya.
[07:23] ---
That's kind of erotic!
[07:24] ---
I-Idiot! That's the way you want to see her!
[07:27] ---
I just want to talk to Kaguya.
[07:27] ---
Those two haven't gone that far!
You're overthinking it!
[07:30] ---
Huh? Talk to her about what?
[07:32] ---
Then, let's investigate.
[07:33] ---
That's a secret!
[07:33] ---
Investigate?
[07:34] ---
Tell me!
[07:35] ---
How?
[07:36] ---
Then it wouldn't be a secret!
[07:37] ---
Oh, come on!
[07:38] ---
We have to step out for a bit.
Please have a seat and wait.
[07:43] ---
Okay.
[07:45] ---
Look, a couple who's experienced nirvana
will act goofy when they're alone.
[07:55] ---
Watch closely.
[07:57] ---
O-Okay.
[07:58] ---
Excuse me.
[07:59] ---
Would you get out of the way?
[08:01] ---
Sh-Shinomiya!
[08:03] ---
What are you doing?
[08:05] ---
We're observing those two
to see if they've experienced nirvana.
[08:09] ---
Those two? That far?
[08:11] ---
How does she understand it?
[08:13] ---
One in three people!
[08:15] ---
What does "nirvana" mean?
[08:17] ---
I think in this situation,
it means divine deeds...
[08:24] ---
Holding hands!
[08:26] ---
What do you say to that?
[08:27] ---
I don't know.
[08:28] ---
Couples hold hands on their first date, right?
[08:31] ---
President holds hands on a first date!
[08:34] ---
Huh?
[08:36] ---
A kiss! She kissed him!
[08:39] ---
This is nirvana, right?
[08:41] ---
Not yet!
[08:42] ---
Kissing is probably like on the third date!
[08:44] ---
The third date?
[08:50] ---
He's nibbling her neck!
[08:52] ---
Wouldn't you say right now that they're
already on their way to nirvana?
[08:53] ---
Don't push!
[08:56] ---
No! Necking is like on the fourth date!
[08:58] ---
The fourth date?
[09:03] ---
Then, how many dates before nirvana?
[09:05] ---
Five dates!
[09:13] ---
Shinomiya!
[09:14] ---
Kaguya!
[09:15] ---
What happ--
[09:16] ---
Gotcha!
[09:18] ---
K-Kashiwagi!
[09:20] ---
W-We were just...
[09:22] ---
Sorry.
[09:24] ---
We were just goofing on you!
[09:26] ---
We haven't yet gotten to the point
that you all think we're at.
[09:31] ---
So, relax.
[09:33] ---
I-I didn't think you were...
[09:35] ---
Not yet...
[09:37] ---
Yes.
[09:39] ---
Of course.
[09:41] ---
I can't tell if it's true!
[09:43] ---
"TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT"
[09:43] ---
Today's battle result...
[09:45] ---
The student council loses.
[09:45] ---
"THE STUDENT COUNCIL
LOSES"
[09:48] ---
I mentioned that my type was confident
and wild guys, so he's trying to get there.
[09:53] ---
He's obedient like that.
[09:56] ---
"TABLETOP GAME CLUB"
[09:56] ---
We made a board game
at the tabletop game club!
[10:00] ---
"KAGUYA WANTS TO GET MARRIED"
[10:01] ---
An original creation?
[10:03] ---
You line up the cards,
with each one representing a square.
[10:08] ---
It sounds pretty interesting.
[10:10] ---
We call it the "Happy Life Game"!
[10:12] ---
"GOAL"
[10:12] ---
Let's play it together!
[10:14] ---
No, thanks.
[10:14] ---
Pass.
[10:16] ---
Today's battle result... N/A.
[10:19] ---
I just have a bad feeling about that game.
[10:21] ---
Nothing good could come out of a game
created by Fujiwara.
[10:24] ---
There's nothing to worry about!
It was a group effort by everyone in the club!
[10:29] ---
Oh, come on.
[10:30] ---
I'll feel bad if she went to the trouble
of making a game
[10:33] ---
and everyone refuses to play it.
[10:35] ---
I-Ishigami!
[10:39] ---
You're actually a nice guy!
[10:42] ---
I'm sorry for thinking you were a brute
who beats women with logical arguments!
[10:47] ---
That's how you thought of me?
[10:49] ---
But it's your own fault
for having such a beatable body.
[10:52] ---
All right, fine.
[10:54] ---
But just once.
[10:56] ---
Yay!
[10:59] ---
Board games!
[11:01] ---
A pastime with a history
that can be traced back to Ancient Egypt.
[11:05] ---
The game Fujiwara and her fellow members
made uses cards as squares,
[11:08] ---
but is otherwise a
traditional board game
[11:09] ---
"Shuchiin Academy Tabletop Game Club Production
Happy Life Game Instructions"
[11:11] ---
in which the player
who earns the most money wins.
[11:14] ---
Okay, I'll go first.
[11:17] ---
"LUCKY"
[11:18] ---
"MISFORTUNE"
[11:19] ---
"Misfortune"?
[11:21] ---
Flip over a card
for the square you landed on!
[11:25] ---
A Traffic Accident card!
[11:27] ---
Roll the die once more and if it's a one.
[11:30] ---
It's a one.
[11:31] ---
Then, you died, Ishigami.
[11:34] ---
What happens when I die?
[11:35] ---
It's all over.
You're out of the game in last place.
[11:39] ---
I see.
[11:40] ---
Be careful, you two.
[11:42] ---
This game is crap.
[11:44] ---
You realized too late.
[11:45] ---
You were just unlucky, Ishigami!
[11:48] ---
All right, my turn...
[11:48] ---
Please show me the rule book.
[11:50] ---
Here.
[11:55] ---
"AFTER SCHOOL EVENT"
[11:55] ---
It says "After School Event."
[11:58] ---
With this event, you choose to hang out
after school, or go home and study.
[12:03] ---
Okay, I'll study at home.
[12:05] ---
That shows your personality.
[12:07] ---
Then, I'll give you
a Nerdy Student card, President!
[12:10] ---
"NERDY STUDENT"
[12:11] ---
Are you making fun of me?
[12:13] ---
I landed on a Lucky square.
[12:16] ---
That means something lucky happens to you!
[12:18] ---
"GRIN"
[12:19] ---
You were tricked by a bad guy,
[12:21] ---
but it works out when you get
ten million yen from a lawsuit!
[12:25] ---
That's not lucky at all.
[12:27] ---
You get a Distrusts All Men card!
[12:30] ---
"DISTRUSTS ALL MEN"
[12:31] ---
I don't want it.
[12:32] ---
When you land on a square,
it's removed from the game.
[12:34] ---
That makes it easier for the players
who are behind to catch up.
[12:38] ---
That's a good idea.
[12:40] ---
Incidentally, what part of the game
were you in charge of?
[12:42] ---
I thought up all of the events!
[12:42] ---
"FINISH LINE"
[12:46] ---
I'm not surprised.
[12:47] ---
You should be remorseful, not proud.
[12:50] ---
And the game continues!
[12:53] ---
With his Nerdy Student card,
Shirogane goes on to a first-rate university.
[12:57] ---
Kaguya lands on several lucky squares,
so is currently in the lead with a lot of money.
[13:01] ---
They've made it past the Child Zone
and are in the Adult Zone.
[13:05] ---
This game is actually
more decent than I thought.
[13:09] ---
It seems the students other than Fujiwara
who worked on this actually thought it through.
[13:11] ---
"BLAH-BLAH"
[13:15] ---
"OUR TABLETOP GAME CLUB!!"
[13:16] ---
This is where the game originated!
[13:16] ---
"GIGAKO" "MAKKY-SENHAI"
SIGN "GIGAKO" "MAKKY-SENHAI" "There's also a member named Fujiwara."
[13:19] ---
"MARRIAGE"
[13:21] ---
What's this?
[13:21] ---
A Marriage square.
[13:24] ---
You marry the player
who's in the square closest to you.
[13:27] ---
Marriage?
[13:28] ---
Married players share the effects
of the squares they land on.
[13:32] ---
President is getting married?
T-To whom?
[13:36] ---
"S" "C"
[13:37] ---
I'm closest to him!
[13:44] ---
President and I got married!
[13:47] ---
President...
[13:48] ---
...got married!
[13:53] ---
I-I have to calm down!
[13:53] ---
Could you give me some room?
[13:55] ---
Th-This is only a game!
[13:55] ---
You're so bashful!
[13:58] ---
I can't confuse this with reality!
[14:00] ---
Oh, the other players have to give the newlyweds
[14:00] ---
"HAPPY GAME LIFE RULES"
[14:03] ---
50,000 yen as a wedding gift.
[14:09] ---
Not real money.
[14:14] ---
The company I founded is a success.
[14:15] ---
"ENTREPRENEURIAL SUCCESS"
[14:16] ---
I get ten million yen. Yay, I'm so lucky.
[14:19] ---
A Birth square!
[14:22] ---
We have a kid!
[14:23] ---
A kid?
[14:25] ---
I became a teen mom!
[14:25] ---
"HEH HEH"
[14:28] ---
The required gift is 100,000 yen.
[14:31] ---
Please put away your real money.
[14:35] ---
My company is listed...
[14:38] ---
...in the first section
of the stock exchange.
[14:38] ---
"FIRST SECTION LISTED"
[14:39] ---
Oh, how lucky is that!
[14:41] ---
And then, the players
move into the Old Age Zone.
[14:44] ---
We have a whole brood!
[14:45] ---
"9 KIDS"
[14:46] ---
President, you've got too much energy.
[14:49] ---
It's not my fault!
[14:51] ---
You're doing great, Kaguya!
[14:53] ---
You're the president
of a global corporation!
[14:55] ---
You're a major success!
[14:57] ---
That's right.
[14:58] ---
I haven't made any missteps.
[15:00] ---
And yet, what's this emptiness I feel?
[15:03] ---
"DECREPIT"
[15:03] ---
I'm single, even as an elderly woman.
[15:05] ---
I have plenty of money,
but I'm not happy.
[15:08] ---
What was the point of my life?
[15:11] ---
Late Divorce square!
[15:14] ---
I discover my husband cheated on me!
[15:16] ---
We get a divorce!
[15:18] ---
You're a scumbag, President.
[15:20] ---
This is only a game!
[15:22] ---
Incidentally, the husband has to pay
20 million yen per kid for child support.
[15:22] ---
"20 MILLION YEN"
[15:26] ---
"180 MILLION YEN"
[15:27] ---
You're killing me!
[15:29] ---
Oh my.
[15:32] ---
How cute.
[15:34] ---
You're that happy
when someone's suffering?
[15:38] ---
Well, my turn.
[15:39] ---
"MARRIAGE"
[15:40] ---
H-Huh?
[15:41] ---
A Marriage square?
[15:43] ---
The player closest to me is President!
[15:44] ---
"K" "S"
[15:46] ---
Then...
[15:56] ---
P-President and I are...
[15:58] ---
Shinomiya and I are...
[16:00] ---
...married?
[16:00] ---
...married?
[16:05] ---
Wait a second.
[16:06] ---
Shinomiya has a Distrusts All Men card,
[16:09] ---
so she can't get married!
[16:12] ---
What happens then?
[16:14] ---
Um, the next closest player...
[16:17] ---
You marry Fujiwara!
[16:19] ---
Wait!
[16:27] ---
"SPONGY SPONGY"
[16:27] ---
Kaguya, let's live happily ever after!
[16:31] ---
"BIRTH"
[16:32] ---
I landed on a Birth square.
[16:34] ---
We have a child!
[16:36] ---
How did that happen?
[16:39] ---
Another Birth square!
[16:41] ---
We're spry for our age!
[16:43] ---
And then...
[16:45] ---
The finish line.
[16:46] ---
Game over!
SIGN "1st place: KAGUYA, 1,375,000,000 yen 2nd place: FUJIWARA, 430,000,000 yen 3rd place: SHIROGANE, 95,000,000 yen 4th place: THE LATE ISHIGAMI, 0 yen"
[16:49] ---
So,
[16:50] ---
Kaguya is the winner
of the Happy Life Game!
[16:54] ---
I don't have
any happy memories whatsoever.
[16:56] ---
Late divorce, child support,
lawsuit payout, loss of trust...
[16:58] ---
Wasn't that fun?
[17:00] ---
Let's play again!
[17:01] ---
Never again.
[17:01] ---
No way.
[17:03] ---
Why?
[17:05] ---
I actually enjoyed it.
SIGN "LESSON: IF YOU MARRY FUJIWARA, IT WILL DRIVE YOU TO DEPRESSION."
[17:07] ---
Lesson...
[17:09] ---
If you marry Fujiwara,
it will drive you to depression.
[17:13] ---
You should really give the game a total
debugging before having people play it.
[17:16] ---
Okay.
[17:16] ---
Right now, the game relies
too much on luck,
[17:18] ---
but one workaround would be
being able to pool one roll of the die
[17:20] ---
Okay.
[17:22] ---
to increase the ability to strategize.
Also, do away with the sudden death element...
[17:23] ---
Okay.
[17:26] ---
"ABOUT 1 YEAR EARLIER"
[17:29] ---
You had a birthday recently,
didn't you, President?
[17:32] ---
Oh, was that my birthday?
[17:35] ---
Did you forget?
[17:36] ---
"KAGUYA WANTS TO CELEBRATE"
[17:37] ---
I haven't celebrated it in years.
It's no different than any other day.
[17:42] ---
Unless you're telling me
you'll celebrate it next year...
[17:45] ---
As if.
[17:47] ---
There's not a snowball's chance in hell.
[17:53] ---
Four more days until President's birthday!
[17:56] ---
After what I said last year,
it's hard to bring it up now!
[18:00] ---
Jeez!
[18:01] ---
Eiffel Tower!
[18:03] ---
It's like all I can think about
is celebrating President's birthday!
[18:07] ---
It's not like I have to do anything
for his birthday!
[18:09] ---
D-Diamond!
[18:11] ---
Birthday! A special day
that only comes around once a year.
[18:16] ---
But owing to financial circumstances,
[18:18] ---
Shirogane has no special feelings
about his birthday and won't even bring it up.
[18:22] ---
Unless someone said something,
Shirogane's birthday would pass by unnoticed.
[18:29] ---
Kaguya, are you troubled about something?
[18:32] ---
Well, I guess you could say that.
[18:37] ---
In that case...
[18:39] ---
"FIVE MINUTES LATER"
[18:42] ---
Fortune Teller Chika
will read your fortune, Kaguya!
[18:42] ---
"TA-DA"
[18:46] ---
Fortune?
[18:48] ---
Yes!
[18:49] ---
All you have to do is put your sex
and birthdate onto this site,
[18:52] ---
and it'll solve any problem you have!
[18:53] ---
"BIRTHDAY FORTUNE"
[18:56] ---
You're just relying on an app.
[18:58] ---
In the first place, what can
sex and birthdate tell you...
[18:59] ---
Here you go!
[19:01] ---
Birthdate?
[19:04] ---
This seems interesting.
[19:06] ---
Let's all do it.
[19:08] ---
Yay!
[19:09] ---
My birthday is January 1st.
[19:12] ---
I'm a New Year's baby.
[19:14] ---
Um, born on January 1st...
[19:18] ---
"You're like an Alexandrite.
[19:21] ---
Like the gem named after a king,
[19:24] ---
you have a noble character
and are full of pride.
[19:27] ---
Moreover, just as this stone has the rare trait
of appearing red or blue at times,
[19:31] ---
sometimes you are an angel
and sometimes a demon.
[19:36] ---
If you throw away your pride
and be honest about your feelings,
[19:39] ---
When she's full of pride...
[19:39] ---
happiness will come to you."
That's what it says!
[19:44] ---
...she's a demon!
[19:48] ---
Did you say something?
[19:49] ---
No!
[19:51] ---
That was totally off.
[19:53] ---
"SHIVER SHIVER"
[19:54] ---
Miss Fujiwara, I believe your birthday is on...
[19:56] ---
March 3rd, Girls' Day!
[19:59] ---
"You're like the flame of a candle.
[20:02] ---
You light up your surroundings
and your heat slowly melts ice.
[20:07] ---
That symbolizes dedication and affection.
[20:11] ---
If you continue to pour love into everything
you do, your wish will come true."
[20:16] ---
"HEH HEH"
[20:16] ---
That's what it says!
[20:17] ---
Dedication? Affection?
[20:18] ---
I don't know that person. Are they sure it's
not meant to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?
[20:23] ---
My birthday is also March 3rd.
[20:25] ---
Why would you do that, you halfwit?
[20:27] ---
Why are you angry?
[20:28] ---
When they celebrate mine, they'll have
to celebrate for you at the same time!
[20:33] ---
Celebrating both of us together
takes away my specialness, you idiot!
[20:37] ---
Fujiwara, I'm not sensing
any dedication or affection here.
[20:38] ---
In the end, horoscopes like that
are no more than the Barnum effect,
[20:41] ---
saying words that hint at
a deeper meaning
[20:41] ---
Are you sure it's not supposed to be "greedy" and "narcissistic"?
[20:42] ---
"PERSONAL OPINION"
[20:42] ---
which the listener conveniently
interprets to solve the problem.
[20:43] ---
Raaar! Graaar!
[20:44] ---
But I'll still use it here.
[20:44] ---
Wh-What's "Raaar! Graaar"?
[20:46] ---
Raaar! Graaar!
[20:47] ---
You're next, President.
[20:49] ---
Tell me your birth--
[20:50] ---
I'm not interested.
[20:53] ---
Horoscopes are no more
than the Barnum effect,
[20:55] ---
saying words that hint at a deeper meaning
which the listener conveniently interprets.
[20:55] ---
"PERSONAL OPINION"
[20:59] ---
N-No! That's not true!
[21:02] ---
For example, feng shui incorporates
elements of architecture and statistics.
[21:06] ---
But we're talking
birthday horoscopes, right?
[21:08] ---
Your birthday is just the day
you happened to be born on.
[21:11] ---
Like there's any meaning to that?
[21:13] ---
There is! It's a special day
that only comes around once a year!
[21:17] ---
I once told you and only you
what day my birthday was, Shinomiya.
[21:22] ---
You have a good memory, but even you forgot
something so inconsequential.
[21:25] ---
I remember!
[21:26] ---
You birthday's on September 9th
which makes you a Virgo!
[21:28] ---
Your blood type is O and your
birth weight was 2,118 grams, right?
[21:32] ---
I remember it, but...
[21:33] ---
Don't be like that!
[21:35] ---
Other than personality analysis,
this can do compatibility divination!
[21:39] ---
Let's do it!
[21:41] ---
I'm not doing any of it!
[21:43] ---
Jeez!
[21:44] ---
What's with you?
[21:45] ---
When someone's trying to celebrate
your birthday out of a sense of noblesse oblige!
[21:50] ---
Even though I'm sure you have no intention
of celebrating my birthday, right?
[21:54] ---
"HMPH"
[21:55] ---
That's not true.
[21:56] ---
Shirogane eagerly watches
the daily horoscope on TV every morning.
[21:57] ---
Yes! Virgo is in first place!
[22:00] ---
And he has Kaguya's birthday
clearly marked in his date book.
[22:03] ---
To top it off, Shirogane
has already checked that site.
[22:06] ---
Both the personality analysis
and the compatibility divination...
SIGN "BAM" "Born on September 9th x Born on January 1st"
[22:11] ---
"Your compatibility is..."
"PRETTY IFFY!!"
SIGN "YOU ARE 'PURE SILVER.'" "SURPRISINGLY MELLOW, GETS DEPRESSED EASILY..."
[22:12] ---
I shouldn't have looked!
[22:15] ---
Shirogane doesn't want Shinomiya
to see the results,
[22:18] ---
so he refuses to tell her his birthday.
[22:22] ---
But...
[22:22] ---
...he couldn't explain that to her, either.
[22:26] ---
I can't tell her that.
[22:30] ---
What does that mean?
Is President trying to tell me something?
[22:35] ---
Maybe...
[22:38] ---
President only wants me to celebrate it?
[22:43] ---
Incorrect.
[22:45] ---
Is he in a bad mood because he thinks
I've forgotten his birthday?
[22:50] ---
Wrong.
[22:51] ---
Jeez!
[22:52] ---
If that's what it is,
then I have no choice.
[22:54] ---
That's not what it is.
[22:56] ---
Just the two of us celebrating his birthday
would be something a couple would do!
[23:01] ---
"WRIGGLE WRIGGLE"
[23:01] ---
Well, I guess he can be selfish once a year!
I can give in just this once!
[23:05] ---
Shinomiya, is something wrong?
[23:09] ---
Nothing at all.
[23:11] ---
An angelic smile?
[23:12] ---
Thank you for worrying about me.
[23:15] ---
If you're ever in trouble,
feel free to ask me for advice.
[23:19] ---
Repulsive!
[23:20] ---
A birthday party for Shirogane!
SIGN "TODAY'S BATTLE RESULT: KAGUYA WINS (FOR BEING IN A GOOD MOOD)"
[23:22] ---
Kaguya decided to have one
with just the two of them!
SIGN "ISHIGAMI'S FORTUNE (MARCH 3rd BIRTHDAY) 'CANARY'" "Symbol of misfortune and sacrifice. Be careful of slips of the tongue."
[23:26] ---
They're not going to check my fortune?
[23:27] ---
"I'll do it myself..."
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