9 - HAPPY Dice

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    HAPPY Dice
[01:47] shu
    Cultural festival, eh?
[01:49] shu
    Yeah.
[01:49] shu
    Cultural festival, huh?
[01:51] shu
    Yeah.
[01:53] shu
    A festival of culture,
     by students, for students, huh?
[01:57] kiri
    Just call it a cultural festival.
[01:59] kiri
    But our club hasn't figured out what
    we're going to do yet, have we?
[02:02] waku
    We keep whispering "cultural festival" to
    make it sound like we're thinking about it.
[02:08] dogo
    If the Defense Club doesn't do anything,
     the student council's gonna get on our asses.
[02:12] dogo
    "If you don't participate,
    you won't get any funds."
[02:15] man
    And, more generally speaking, our nation's
    educational principles require student attendance,
[02:21] man
    in other words, participation,
     in cultural festivals through high school.
[02:24] man
    It will be counted on our attendance days,
    so in that sense we really should do something.
[02:28] shu
    That's why I've been thinking all this time.
[02:31] kiri
    Uh, you haven't really been thinking.
[02:33] waku
    It looks like you've just been
    comfortably soaking in the hot water.
[02:37] waku
    Like usual.
[02:39] dogo
    We need you to get a grip already!
[02:41] dogo
    We rolled a die and decided that you are
    our cultural festival leader, Kyotaro-senpai!
[02:46] shu
    Yeah, I know.
[02:49] kar
    Oh?
[02:51] kar
    There's a not-happy vibe going on in here.
[02:54] kar
    What's the matter?
[02:56] shu
    We can't figure out what to
    do for the cultural festival.
[02:59] shu
    Any ideas, Karls?
[03:01] kiri
    There he goes, leaving it to someone else.
[03:03] waku
    He doesn't even know about
    Earth cultural festivals.
[03:06] shu
    I just think Karls might have an idea.
[03:09] shu
    Something that will make everyone happy.
[03:11] kar
    Make everyone happy?
[03:14] kar
    That sounds great!
[03:15] shu
    See?
[03:17] shu
    What do you think we should do?
[03:18] kar
    Something that will lead my
    vassals to happiness, of course!
[03:22] shu
    Like what?
[03:23] kar
    Maybe... something that will
    make them smile happily!
[03:25] shu
    Good idea.
[03:27] kar
    Yeah! Being happy is the best!
[03:30] shu
    Yeah.
[03:31] kiri
    I'm not sure we can leave
    things up to these two.
[03:33] waku
    We're not gonna make it in time.
[03:34] dogo
    We need to think of something.
[03:36] man
    Let's search the club room tomorrow.
[03:39] man
    We might find a relic of some past festival.
SIGN    Earth Defense Club (lol)
[03:45] kiri
    What are these weird old sedge hats?
[03:47] dogo
    Maybe they were used in
    some kind of performance?
[03:49] dogo
    A performance using sedge hats would be...
[03:52] kiri
    The loach-scooping dance, maybe?
[03:53] waku
    That uses baskets.
[03:55] waku
    Though I'd love to see you
    scooping loaches, Ryoma-kun.
[03:58] kiri
    R-Really?
[04:00] shu
    We could use this.
SIGN    The person to my right
[04:03] sign
    Here.
[04:05] sign
    What's that?
[04:09] sign
    Um... These are party dice.
[04:13] sign
    I see.
[04:14] dogo
    It says stuff like "roughly"
    and "gently" on it.
[04:19] man
    This one says stuff like "to their senpai",
[04:22] man
    "to the person on their right",
[04:24] man
    "to a stranger".
[04:27] kiri
    This one says stuff like
    "give a shoulder massage"
[04:29] kiri
    and "carry like a princess".
[04:31] waku
    Titillating stuff.
[04:34] shu
    Anyway, let's try it out.
[04:36] shu
    If it's fun, we can use it at
    tomorrow's cultural festival.
[04:41] dogo
    Do it?
[04:42] dogo
    Us, you mean?
SIGN    Now
[04:44] shu
    Anyway... Rehearsal, start!
[04:47] kar
    Okay!
[04:49] kar
    What'll we roll? What'll we roll?
[04:52] kar
    Nya-nya-nya-nyan!
[04:54] shu
    There.
[04:56] shu
    "Immediately..."
[04:58] shu
    "The person to my left..."
[05:00] shu
    "Must act as an invisible chair
     for the oldest person present."
[05:05] kiri
    Um...
[05:06] kiri
    Does that mean...
[05:08] shu
    The person to my left,
     that is Chiro,
[05:12] shu
    must act as an invisible chair
    for the oldest person here.
[05:16] shu
    In other words, Nanao-san.
[05:19] dogo
    I-Invisible chair?
[05:22] dogo
    For Nanao-senpai?
[05:24] shu
    Yeah. Can't wait to see it.
[05:26] karu
    Yeah! Fun is fun!
[05:28] karu
    Okay, let's get happy!
[05:32] waku
    Be gentle.
[05:33] dogo
    Th-That's my line!
[05:37] waku
    This is a very comfortable seat, Ichiro-kun.
[05:43] waku
    You're slender, yet you seem
    to have very developed thighs.
[05:46] dogo
    H-How long do I have to hold this?
[05:49] shu
    Um. It doesn't say.
[05:52] shu
    Until you give up, I guess?
[05:54] dogo
    Then I give! I give up!
[05:57] waku
    That's too bad.
[05:58] waku
    I was hoping to relax a little while longer.
[06:03] waku
    I can, can't I, Ichiro-kun?
[06:06] kiri
    Senpai is such a sadist...
[06:07] dogo
    This is a lot more painful than it looks!
[06:10] dogo
    B-Besides, Nanao-senpai's scent...
[06:13] dogo
    It's like... it smells so good,
    I can't concentrate!
[06:16] shu
    Oh, does Nanao-san smell good?
[06:19] kiri
    What shampoo do you use?
[06:22] waku
    It's mild, good for hair and skin,
    and I like the champagne rose scent.
[06:29] dogo
    C-Champagne rose...
[06:31] dogo
    I give up.
[06:34] waku
    Excuse me. Are you all right?
[06:36] dogo
    O-Of course I'm not okay!
[06:39] waku
    It's true, your heart
    does seem to be pounding.
[06:44] kar
    That was great!
[06:45] kar
    They're exuding a happy aura!
[06:47] kiri
    A happy aura?
[06:49] shu
    It looks like it to me.
[06:50] man
    Is this game really okay?
[06:52] kar
    Of course it is!
[06:54] kar
    They both look so happy!
SIGN    Binan Festival
[07:02] [SONG] sign
    Binan Festival
[07:07] sa
    How can they persistently hold this
    ridiculous event year upon year?
SIGN    Sai Goro
[07:11] sa
    What's the school thinking? The government?
[07:14] sa
    Do schools really need a cultural festival?
[07:17] sa
    Is it absolutely indispensable
    as part of a general education?
[07:19] sa
    The answer is no!
[07:21] sa
    These are the dice created by me,
    for me alone, Sai Goro.
[07:26] sa
    I'll come up with a significant
    plan for the day and carry it out!
[07:30] sa
    I won't be swept away by their attitudes!
[07:36] sa
    Today I will, with my fellow entrance examinees,
    individually study for entrance exams.
[07:42] sa
    Perfect.
[07:45] ata
    In this decadent school, he's a rare case
    of someone rigidly setting their own schedule.
[07:50] una
    Even if it is with dice.
[07:52] shira
    I think the nerdy kids are the cutest!
[07:57] furu
    Then let us begin, Edelstein!
[08:02] una
    Sai Goro-kun, isn't it?
[08:04] sai
    What of it?
[08:05] ina
    Would you like to join us in bringing
    the hammer of judgment down
[08:09] ina
    upon this fallen school
    and its ridiculous cultural festival?
[08:13] shi
    By becoming a monster.
[08:21] shi
    Die Verwandlung!
[08:24] shi
    That which is unbreakable is truly strong!
[08:27] shi
    Ritter Diamant!
[08:30] shi
    Affection and comfort...
[08:31] shi
    Ritter Rosenquarz!
[08:35] shi
    Noble and virtuous!
[08:37] shi
    Ritter Amethyst!
[08:40] shi
    We are the Furanui Knights...
[08:43] shi
    Edelstein!
[08:46] shi
    Druck!
[08:47] shi
    Mich!
[08:47] shi
    Hart!
[08:50] shi
    An!
[08:59] mon
    Rollin', rollin'!
SIGN    Earth Defense Club (lol)
[09:03] kiri
    We're doing it again?
[09:05] shu
    Well, it has been kind of fun.
[09:08] man
    You probably think that because you
    haven't been through it yourself.
[09:12] karl
    But fun stuff is good!
[09:15] karl
    And it makes people happy!
[09:17] karl
    Let's keep it up!
[09:18] shu
    Okay, next, Tai-Tai will roll the dice.
[09:21] man
    Why me?!
[09:23] man
    What'll we roll? What'll we roll?
[09:27] man
    Nya-nya-nya-nyan!
[09:29] kiri
    There's a man who knows how to act.
[09:31] man
    Given your attitudes, if I choose not to do it,
    I'll be called a party-pooper.
[09:36] dogo
    Smart! That's the Taishi I know!
[09:38] shu
    Okay, I'll read out the result.
[09:41] shu
    I, in other words Tai-Tai,
[09:44] shu
    will immediately to a friend...
     that would be Chiro, in this case...
[09:47] dogo
    Me again?!
[09:49] man
    You had it coming.
[09:51] shu
    ...put an arm around his shoulders
    and gently read the lines on the note.
[09:54] shu
    In other words, Tai-Tai must
    immediately put an arm around Chiro
[09:58] shu
    and gently read the lines on this note.
[10:01] kiri
    What are the lines?
[10:05] kiri
    What does it say?
[10:07] man
    Something I never thought I'd say in my life.
[10:12] shu
    Okay, Tai-Tai. Put your arm
    gently around Chiro's shoulders.
[10:16] man
    Don't make it sound so easy!
[10:18] wa
    If you want to hate someone, hate the dice.
[10:21] kiri
    Hmm? Did you just click your tongue?
[10:25] man
    I certainly did not.
[10:28] man
    It's not like I'm a delinquent.
[10:30] man
    Well, here I go.
[10:32] shu
    Okay, go for it.
[10:37] dogo
    I dunno about this...
[10:38] man
    That's my line.
[10:41] shu
    Now, read the words on the note.
[10:43] dogo
    Is it really that bad?
[10:47] dogo
    Let's just get it over with!
[10:51] man
    Very well.
[10:53] man
    But I'm only doing this
    because the dice made me.
[10:56] dogo
    Just say it already!
[11:03] man
    The next thing I knew,
    I realized my eyes were always on you.
[11:08] man
    Your most trivial mannerisms
    cause my heart to skip a beat.
[11:11] man
    Tell me, please...
[11:14] man
    is this love?
[11:19] waku
    You finally said it! Great job.
[11:22] man
    I was forced to say it!
[11:24] kiri
    But you put so much emotion into it!
[11:26] kar
    Yeah, yeah!
[11:27] kar
    You're radiating a happy aura!
[11:29] shu
    This plan is a lot of fun.
[11:32] man
    Shuzenji-senpai, Kirishima-senpai...
[11:34] man
    you're just smiling because
    you haven't had to do it.
[11:36] dogo
    That's right! Is this really
    what we're gonna do?
[11:39] shu
    Well, it seems like a pain
     to come up with something else.
[11:43] sai
    Rollin' rollin'...
[11:45] sai
    What a ridiculous set of dice!
[11:48] sai
    They must pay!
SIGN    Karls Born February 4th Blood Type: O Aquarius Hobbies: Playing in the water Likes: Crayfish, hot baths
SIGN    Binan Festival
SIGN    Oden
SIGN    Curry Rice Takoyaki
[12:12] dogo
    This isn't good, Kyotaro-senpai.
[12:14] dogo
    We're not getting any customers.
[12:17] kar
    I wonder why!
[12:18] kar
    It would make everybody happy...
[12:21] waku
    By the way, why are you in that form, Karls?
[12:25] kar
    Everyone's transforming into something today,
[12:27] kar
    so I transformed into a human!
[12:29] shu
    Cosplay?
[12:30] wak
    Ah, I see...
[12:32] wak
    All that aside,
[12:34] wak
    what should we do, given the situation?
[12:37] man
    Looks like we'll just need to have
    Shuzenji-senpai act as a shill and roll the die.
[12:42] shu
    That's strange.
[12:44] shu
    I wonder why nobody's coming.
[12:46] kiri
    They might not, given that sign.
SIGN    Hey, Bastards, Get Over Here! The All-Men Heart-Racing Dice Party Plaza
[12:53] man
    What is that? Creepy.
[12:56] shu
    Isn't it flashy enough?
[12:57] dogo
    I don't think that's the problem...
[13:00] waku
    Well, it accurately conveys
    our lack of effort.
[13:03] man
    And our desire to never, ever do it.
[13:07] kiri
    We'll be in trouble if this keeps up, though.
[13:10] kiri
    I mean, they're looking at us...
[13:12] kiri
    The student council.
[13:14] kar
    Why don't we all do it together, then,
    and attract people through the fun we're having!
[13:18] waku
    That might be the thing to do.
[13:20] dogo
    Okay. Kyotaro-senpai, take it away!
SIGN    Give a kiss
[13:23] man
    Here you go.
[13:25] shu
    No way. It's embarrassing.
[13:27] dogo
    How dare you?!
[13:29] man
    I agree! We all did it!
[13:31] man
    We swallowed our pride.
[13:32] waku
    Kyotaro-kun, I don't think you have a choice.
[13:36] dogo
    Go on, roll the die already!
[13:39] man
    Do it!
[13:40] shu
    Fine, I'll do it.
[13:42] shu
    If I do it, you'll leave me alone,
    right? Fine, fine.
[13:44] kar
    He's gonna do it!
[13:45] kar
    Great!
[13:47] kar
    Let's all roll the die happily!
[13:48] kar
    What'll we roll? What'll we roll?
[13:51] kar
    Nya-nya-nya-nyan!
SIGN    Hey, Bastards, Get Over Here! The All-Men Heart-Racing Dice Party Plaza
[13:53] shu
    There.
[13:55] shu
    Go.
[13:56] dogo
    Okay, let's read it!
[13:59] dogo
    Right now, I will princess-carry
     the person to my left!
[14:04] dogo
    Then he'll feed me!
[14:06] dogo
    This is incredible!
[14:08] man
    And then the person you
    carry needs to feed you!
[14:11] man
    It's perfect!
[14:13] kiri
    W-Wait a minute!
[14:15] kiri
    The person to your left would be...
[14:17] waku
    It's clearly you, Ryoma-kun.
[14:20] waku
    No, no, no...
[14:21] dogo
    Don't you run away, Ryoma-senpai!
[14:23] man
    You think we'll allow it?!
[14:25] kiri
    Hey. You guys are looking really serious...
[14:28] man
    You bet we are.
[14:30] dogo
    After humiliating us like that yesterday,
[14:32] dogo
    you really think we'll let you walk away?
[14:35] man
    Precisely.
[14:38] shu
    I guess I must.
[14:39] kiri
    Why do you have to drag me into it?!
[14:42] shu
    It's not my fault you were
    next to me, Ryo-chin.
[14:45] kiri
    But we're picking up an audience...
[14:48] all
    Hey, I think they're about to do something!
[14:51] all
    Shuzenji is gonna princess-carry Kirishima
    and get him to feed him, apparently.
[14:55] all
    The Defense Club is so stupid!
[14:59] shu
    Ryo-chin.
[15:01] kiri
    Let's get this over with.
[15:03] kiri
    Eek!
[15:04] man
    Wow, he just said "eek!"
[15:06] man
    Yeah, he said "eek."
[15:08] man
    Why "eek"?
[15:09] man
    B-Because you swept me up so suddenly...
[15:15] shu
    Do you know what needs to happen after this?
[15:17] shu
    Y-Yeah.
[15:19] shu
    You need to feed me while I'm carrying you.
[15:24] shu
    Chiro.
[15:24] dogo
    Coming, coming!
[15:25] dogo
    The cake to be fed.
[15:31] kiri
    W-Well... Here I go...
[15:34] shu
    Ready when you are.
[15:36] boy
    Hey, hey, he's doing it!
[15:40] kiri
    Okay. Say ahh.
[15:42] shu
    Ahh.
[15:48] shu
    It's delicious, Ryo-chin.
[15:52] boy
    Amazing! He did it!
[15:54] boy
    Those two are nuts!
[15:59] boy
    Great job, Defense Club!
[16:01] boy
    I love it!
[16:02] boy
    Do more!
[16:05] ata
    Enjoy your celebrations while you can.
[16:08] una
    Nice one!
[16:10] shira
    I'm blushing!
[16:11] dogo
    Wow, wow! So embarrassing...
[16:14] man
    We may have pushed them too far.
[16:16] waku
    But the audience seems to be enjoying it...
[16:19] dogo
    Well, Kyotaro-senpai and
    Ryoma-senpai are really close,
[16:23] dogo
    so maybe it's okay?
[16:24] mon
    What... what is this feeling of unity?
[16:28] mon
    Dice are supposed to exist simply as a
    tool to help you decide what to do.
[16:33] mon
    To think they could be used to gather
    such attention, to bring such happiness...
[16:37] ata
    Why are you acting impressed?
[16:43] ata
    What's that?
[16:45] ata
    A new cosplay?
[16:46] ata
    Cool!
[16:48] ata
    You hate them, don't you?
[16:50] ata
    That's why you became a monster, isn't it?
[16:52] ata
    Dice Monster!
[16:56] kiri
    Wait, you're a monster?
[16:58] shu
    For real? I had no idea.
[17:01] shu
    But if you're a monster,
    why didn't you attack?
[17:04] mon
    W-Well...
[17:06] mon
    O-Obviously, at the start of this,
     I intended to bring the hammer of judgment
[17:10] mon
    down upon you for your unscrupulous
     use of dice and your distracting activities...
[17:15] mon
    But for some reason, I got drawn in...
[17:18] mon
    The idea of using a die like that
    to make so many people happy...
[17:24] mon
    it was exhilarating!
[17:28] waku
    Exhilarating?
[17:30] waku
    Why didn't you just join in, then?
[17:33] waku
    We could have all enjoyed it together.
[17:37] mon
    W-We could all enjoy it together?
[17:39] shu
    Yeah, we could have had fun together.
[17:42] mon
    I see... So dice can be
    used like that, too...
[17:47] shu
    You really wanted to enjoy
     the cultural festival from the start, didn't you?
[17:52] ata
    This is nonsense!
[17:53] ata
    Don't let them distract you!
[17:55] ata
    Fight!
[17:56] ata
    Are you a monster or aren't you?
[17:58] mon
    B-But...
[17:59] ata
    Bring your hammer of anger down upon them!
[18:03] kar
    Everyone! You gotta save the monster!
[18:06] kar
    He doesn't want to fight!
[18:08] kar
    Make him happy at once!
[18:10] shu
    That's right.
[18:11] shu
    I don't want to fight
    against Dice-kun, either.
[18:14] shu
    Yeah.
[18:15] shu
    That's right!
[18:16] shu
    Okay!
[18:17] kar
    In that case...
[18:19] kar
    My magic knights of happiness, come on!
[18:31] kar
    Now, make your pledge with a kiss.
[19:07] kar
    Magic Knight of Flowers, Fiore Kiss!
[19:22] kar
    Magic Knight of Stars, Stella Kiss!
[19:35] kar
    Magic Knight of the Moon, Luna Kiss!
[19:48] kar
    Magic Knight of Snow, Neve Kiss!
[20:01] kar
    Magic Knight of Space, Spazio Kiss!
[20:06] kar
    Like the flowers that
    bloom across the world...
[20:08] kar
    Like the stars that shine in the night sky...
[20:11] kar
    Like the moon that illuminates
    everything below...
[20:13] kar
    Like the snow that gently
    embraces the land...
[20:16] kar
    Let's bring happiness to the universe!
[20:18] kar
    We are the magic knights who bring happiness!
[20:22] kar
    Karls Knights Happy Kiss!
[20:26] kar
    Knights contract complete!
[20:31] shu
    Dice-kun, let's play dice games together.
[20:34] shu
    It'll be fun.
[20:36] kiri
    Though it can be embarrassing...
[20:38] waku
    Watching friends embarrass themselves
    is the most fun a person can have.
[20:43] waku
    Wakura-senpai... you really are a sadist.
[20:46] karu
    Okay, everyone.
[20:47] karu
    Let's make him happy!
[20:49] karu
    With that again?
[20:50] karu
    Of course!
[20:52] karu
    Okay, go!
[20:54] karu
    Now! Use your powers
    combined to make him happy!
[20:57] karu
    Are you happy?
[20:59] karu
    Yes!
[20:59] karu
    Are you happy?
[21:00] karu
    Yes!
[21:01] karu
    Are you happy?
[21:02] karu
    Yes!
[21:02] karu
    Are you happy?
[21:03] karu
    Yes!
[21:04] karu
    Are you happy?
[21:05] karu
    Yes!
[21:05] karu
    Let's happy hour!
[21:09] karu
    Happy and Set!
[21:22] karu
    Return to happiness!
[21:25] karu
    Happy and Turn!
[21:36] dice
    Feels like I'm on a roll...
[21:43] dice
    Happy End!
[21:45] dice
    Happy Powder!
[21:51] sai
    What have I been...?
[21:53] waku
    So the dice monster was Sai Goro-kun, huh?
[21:56] shu
    Now, let's roll the dice together.
[21:59] shu
    Okay!
[22:05] ata
    "Happy end," my eye.
[22:07] ata
    There are no such things as happy ends!
[22:11] una
    Ata!
[22:12] shira
    Ibusuki-senpai, wait up!
SIGN    HAPPY Old Men
SIGN    Next Episode
SIGN    Next time: Let's happy kiss our way to "HAPPY Old Men."
SIGN    Shuzenji Kyotaro's dream is to be able to space out forever.
SIGN    At last, he'll have his dream! Ah, I wish I could space out! (I mean it)