2 - Love is a Mayfly

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] aki
    --
[00:00] sign
    --
[00:00] both
    --
[00:00] guard
    --
[00:17] haru
    Aki, silent guardian with eyes of ice,
[00:20] haru
    a question for you.
[00:21] haru
    What is an idol?
[00:23] aki
    One with overwhelming power,
    who cannot be replaced.
[00:27] aki
    Haru, blazing deceiver wreathed in light,
[00:31] aki
    a question for you.
[00:33] aki
    What is an idol?
[00:34] haru
    One who guides and commands the world.
[00:39] haru
    The object of worship for all things
    in creation. That is what we will be.
[00:44] aki
    No... what we must be.
[00:47] both
    This is the vow we have made to the universe!
[00:55] aki
    And if anyone...
[00:57] haru
    ...opposes us...
[00:59] both
    We'll destroy them.
SIGN    Love is a Mayfly
[02:41] ai
    What is the greatest sin that man can commit?
[02:46] ai
    Is it sloth?
[02:48] ai
    Envy?
[02:50] ai
    Wrath?
[02:51] ai
    No.
[02:52] ai
    There is a sin that causes
    even more suffering.
[02:55] ai
    That sin is...
[02:59] ai
    Beauty!
SIGN    Ouso Tsukuro
[03:05] ai
    Everyone runs in fear of my beauty!
[03:08] ai
    Truly, beauty is the greatest sin!
[03:11] stu
    That guy's such a creep.
[03:12] stu
    He says he has twenty TVs...
[03:14] stu
    And that he's best friends
    with celebrities and stuff.
[03:16] stu
    Not even little kids try to pull
    those kinds of lies nowadays.
[03:19] stu
    This one time, I lost it and said "Oh,
    yeah? Then let's see your ten pet lions!"
[03:24] stu
    and started walking to his house.
[03:26] stu
    What happened?
[03:27] stu
    On the way there, he
    started writhing in pain.
[03:30] stu
    How come?
[03:31] stu
    He said a long time ago, an alien placed
    a curse on his right hand and his heart,
[03:34] stu
    and it had just started acting up.
[03:37] stu
    Oh, please. What a geek.
[03:38] stu
    I couldn't believe it. I started
    feeling kind of sorry for him.
[03:41] ai
    They're not lies!
[03:42] stu
    So I just went home.
[03:43] ai
    They're not lies!
[03:46] ai
    Why won't anyone believe me?!
[03:50] stu
    What the hell?
[03:51] ai
    In my mind, I can see the 4K TVs,
[03:54] ai
    the lions, and the aliens clear as day!
[04:03] ai
    Is it that they're too beguiled by my beauty?
[04:07] ai
    I confuse them so badly,
[04:09] ai
    they refuse to believe the things I say?
[04:11] ai
    Is it this sorrow that makes me beautiful?
[04:16] ai
    That's it!
[04:17] ai
    Beauty is sorrow.
[04:20] haru
    Fool.
[04:21] haru
    Beauty is strength.
[04:24] aki
    Wrong.
[04:25] aki
    Beauty is wit.
[04:27] ai
    Who's there?
[04:28] ai
    Aliens?
[04:29] ai
    My real mommy?
[04:31] ai
    Or some charming,
[04:33] ai
    sexy devil come to kidnap me?
[04:35] haru
    Wrong and wrong, stupid.
[04:37] aki
    Although "devil" was closest, I suppose.
[04:43] haru
    You see, we want...
[04:46] both
    To corrupt you.
[04:47] aki
    That's why we're here.
SIGN    1584th Pretty Boy Contest
[04:55] stu
    Already time for the pretty
    boy contest again, huh?
[04:57] stu
    I wonder who'll win this time.
[05:00] ai
    You're so ignorant.
[05:02] ai
    To stand atop something so small
[05:05] ai
    is a miniscule concern.
[05:08] ai
    I've met the people who stand
[05:11] ai
    at the very top of the world!
[05:14] ai
    One like the sun who makes my blood run hot,
[05:18] ai
    and one like the moon who
    chills my soul to the core!
[05:22] stu
    Look, we've had enough.
[05:24] stu
    We're not falling for your lies again.
[05:26] ai
    It's not a lie!
[05:27] ai
    I really met them!
[05:32] haru
    Hey, watch where you're running.
[05:35] aki
    Can you stand?
[05:37] ai
    You're...
[05:39] haru
    Here through the exchange
    program. Beppu Haruhiko.
[05:42] aki
    And I am Akihiko.
[05:44] aki
    We're supposed to be joining
    the 2nd year class.
[05:50] haru
    Are our faces that weird to you?
[05:52] aki
    Haru.
[05:53] aki
    You mustn't be so confrontational.
[05:55] aki
    I'm sure they've rarely seen our like before.
[05:57] aki
    They've never seen exchange students, either.
[06:00] haru
    Oh, I see.
[06:02] haru
    Anyway, pleased to meet you.
[06:04] ai
    No, it is we who are pleased!
[06:06] ai
    Haruhiko-san! Akihiko-san!
[06:08] ai
    See? You get it now?
[06:11] ai
    I don't lie—
[06:13] kiro
    Beg your pardon! Press Society here!
[06:15] kino
    Arriving like a bolt out of the blue,
[06:17] kino
    Beppu Haruhiko-san and Akihiko-san.
[06:19] kino
    What are your hobbies?
[06:21] haru
    Bonsai, gardening, and
    horseback riding, I suppose.
[06:24] haru
    Although I don't think I'll
    be able to do that here.
[06:27] aki
    I enjoy calligraphy.
[06:29] aki
    And I love to play Hungarian
    Pastoral Fantasy on the flute.
[06:33] kino
    Yes, yes, yes!
[06:34] kino
    How celebrity and executive of you!
[06:37] kino
    So, any intention to participate
    in the Pretty Boy Contest?
[06:40] haru
    What's that?
[06:41] aki
    We only just moved here,
[06:43] aki
    so we're still getting our bearings.
[06:47] ai
    All questions must go through me!
[06:50] kino
    And who are you, exactly?
[06:52] ai
    I'm their number one worshipper and caretaker!
[06:56] sm
    Isn't that nice?
[06:57] bu
    Interesting!
[07:00] bu
    I can feel my biceps humming.
[07:03] sm
    I invite you to a duel of neurons!
[07:05] en
    I've been thinking...
[07:08] atsu
    What?
SIGN    Earth Defense Club (lol)
[07:08] io
    About what?
[07:10] en
    What are the conditions for
    being a main character?
[07:13] atsu
    You've lost me.
[07:15] en
    In the TV show known as life,
[07:18] en
    there's a clear difference between main
    characters and a side character, right?
[07:21] atsu
    True.
[07:23] en
    So what separates a main
    character and a side character?
[07:25] atsu
    Good question.
[07:28] en
    The kinds of people
[07:29] en
    who don't appear until 8 minutes
    and 30 seconds into the episode
[07:32] en
    can't be the main characters, right?
[07:33] en
    No, they can't.
[07:34] atsu
    I think it's okay, as long as they
    get a lot to do in the second half.
[07:38] en
    Oh, really?
[07:39] atsu
    Of course, I'm a side-character type,
[07:41] atsu
    so I don't know a lot about main characters.
[07:44] io
    Oh, no.
[07:45] io
    You're definitely a leading
    man, Kinugawa-senpai.
[07:47] io
    Like tofu in broth.
[07:49] atsu
    Does that count as a leading man?
[07:52] ryu
    I love tofu!
[07:54] ryu
    You can kill a man with it!
[07:56] en
    It's a deadly weapon?
[07:57] en
    But I suppose Atsushi can be frightening
    in the right circumstances.
[08:00] tsu
    What are you talking about?
[08:02] tsu
    I'm hesitant in everything,
[08:04] tsu
    even when fighting as the Battle Lovers.
[08:06] en
    The fact that you can say that without batting
    an eye just makes you more frightening.
[08:09] io
    Actually, yeah.
[08:10] ryu
    Good point.
[08:12] wom
    Please, please, please, please stop!
[08:13] yu
    Speaking of which,
[08:14] yu
    there's something I've been
    thinking about for a while.
[08:16] yu
    Could that monster we fought
    be a leftover from last time?
[08:19] en
    No way.
[08:22] en
    There's no way you've been thinking
    about that for a while, Yumoto.
[08:25] io
    That's the part you're denying?
[08:26] ryu
    He probably just thought of it.
[08:28] atsu
    Now, now.
[08:29] atsu
    Let's hear him out.
[08:31] atsu
    So?
[08:32] yu
    The student council didn't send him out,
[08:35] yu
    and Wom-san probably didn't, either.
[08:36] yu
    So what could it be?
[08:38] wom
    W-Wait a moment!
[08:39] wom
    What's all this "Wom-san probably didn't" stuff?!
[08:43] yu
    Don't you worry!
[08:45] yu
    No matter what happens,
[08:46] yu
    I believe you, Wom-san!
[08:49] wom
    You do not!
[08:50] wom
    You clearly do not!
[08:50] en
    Well, we saw what you did to Mr. Tawarayama.
[08:55] wom
    The life I brought slipped out!
[08:57] wom
    It was an accident! An accident, I swear!
[09:00] kino
    What an incredible development!
[09:02] kino
    Are we about to see a
    no-holds-barred bloodbath?!
[09:06] bu
    Boxing can hurt,
[09:07] bu
    so we'll compete with feats of strength!
SIGN    Grip Strength
SIGN    Sidesteps
SIGN    Pull-Ups
[09:21] haru
    I have to give you credit.
[09:23] haru
    You did have the guts to challenge me.
[09:25] ai
    Haruhiko-sama!
[09:27] kino
    Next, battle of brains!
[09:30] shir
    Could they be taking on
    the Millenium Problems?!
[09:33] chi
    There wouldn't be anyone capable of judging it.
SIGN    10 x 10 equation
[09:36] chi
    We'll do a 10 x 10 equation!
[09:39] aki
    I'm done.
[09:40] chi
    Wh-What?!
[09:41] aki
    Your time would be better spent studying
[09:43] aki
    than challenging me, don't you think?
[09:46] both
    Akihiko-sama!
[09:51] en
    The main/side character stuff reminded me.
[09:53] atsu
    What?
[09:54] en
    Isn't it almost time for
    the Pretty Boy Contest?
[09:57] ryu
    Oh yeah, that's right.
[09:59] io
    What? But you were so fired
    up about it before...
[10:02] ryu
    Yeah, but I've kind of stopped caring.
[10:05] atsu
    I feel your thermal conductivity, Ryuu.
[10:08] ryuu
    Huh?
[10:09] ryuu
    Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
[10:12] yu
    Speaking of which. In front of my house...
[10:14] en
    Yumoto's defaulting to "speaking
    of which" a lot today.
[10:17] atsu
    In the real world,
    who actually says, "speaking of which"?
[10:22] en
    Same with "The aforementioned"
[10:23] en
    and "It just occurred to me"
[10:24] en
    or "Such-and-such"...
[10:28] yu
    Just forget that and listen to me!
[10:31] en
    Fine, fine.
[10:32] atsu
    So, what is it?
[10:34] kino
    Shogi competition!
[10:36] haru
    Check mate.
[10:38] haru
    Bow before me for eternity.
[10:41] four
    Yes, forever!
[10:43] four
    Squee!
[10:44] kino
    Cooking competition!
[10:45] haru
    7.32 meters.
[10:48] aki
    My flavors might be poisonous for you.
[10:51] aki
    Since you'll never get it out of your mind.
[10:53] all
    Squee!
[10:55] kino
    Sewing competition!
[10:57] haru
    Take good care of this for me.
[11:00] haru
    And I'll take good care of you.
[11:02] all
    Squee!
[11:03] kino
    Fencing competition!
[11:07] aki
    I've run your heart through.
[11:09] all
    Squee!
[11:11] ai
    More! Treat me with more contempt!
[11:13] ai
    Look down your nose at me!
[11:17] ai
    The eternal pretty boys of Binan High School,
[11:19] ai
    Haruhiko-sama, Akihiko-sama.
[11:21] ai
    We swear our eternal worship
    and submission to you!
[11:23] all
    We do!
[11:24] haru
    What a burden.
[11:26] aki
    Don't be like that, Haru.
[11:29] ai
    Oh, no! Haru-sama, Aki-sama!
[11:31] ai
    We don't intend to force ourselves on you!
[11:34] ai
    We just really needed to...
[11:39] ai
    I-I'm sorry!
[11:40] ai
    We thought about our needs,
    but not about your feelings!
[11:44] haru
    I feel like the king of the monkey pen.
[11:47] aki
    Truly, they are apes.
SIGN    The Sparkling Prince Battle Lover Scarlet Finishing Move: Scarlet Love Lumiere True Love Attack
[11:55] yu
    See?
[11:56] yu
    It's there, like I said!
[11:58] atsu
    When did they put up a building like this?
[12:00] ryu
    It looks like a castle.
[12:02] en
    Looks like a love hotel.
[12:04] io
    Nah, love hotels are cheaper than that.
[12:06] io
    This thing's at least two million yen per square meter.
[12:09] en
    How do you know that?
[12:11] en
    Instinct?
[12:12] io
    I do have my real estate
    broker license, you know.
[12:15] yu
    Do you think it's a house?
[12:18] atsu
    If it's not a love hotel, it must be.
[12:21] en
    I could have done without hearing
    Atsushi say "love hotel."
[12:25] ryu
    Same here.
[12:26] io
    I agree.
[12:27] atsu
    Why?!
[12:28] yu
    What's a love hotel?
[12:33] en
    What is this feeling? Motherly instinct?
[12:35] atsu
    The smell of innocence.
[12:37] atsu
    It's so soothing!
[12:38] io
    Never change, Yumoto.
[12:40] ryu
    Yes, remain ignorant!
[12:42] yu
    Hey! What was that?!
[12:42] wom
    A true heir to the throne of love!
[12:46] yu
    Darn it!
[12:50] yu
    Oh, are you customers?
[12:52] yu
    Come on in! The bath's open right now!
[12:55] haru
    Did you hear that? "Customers," he says.
[12:57] aki
    Let it go, Haru. That's the class
    of person we're dealing with.
[13:01] aki
    We've moved into the house across the way.
[13:04] yu
    Oh, really?
[13:06] yu
    We were saying, it looks like
    a love hotel! Just amazi—
[13:11] en
    We apologize on his behalf.
[13:13] atsu
    He just meant that it was very impressive.
[13:16] haru
    We won't forget your face, Hakone Yumoto.
[13:19] aki
    I'm sure we'll be speaking again, very soon.
[13:22] aki
    We hope you'll be accommodating.
[13:23] yu
    Yeah, sure thing!
[13:25] yu
    Oh, that's right!
SIGN    Bath Coupon
    Kurotama Bath
[13:27] yu
    Here, these are coupons for our bath!
[13:30] yu
    Please use them!
[13:33] haru
    I'm horribly grateful.
[13:35] aki
    We'll treasure them.
[13:45] ai
    Hey... Haruhiko-sama? Akihiko-sama?
[13:49] ai
    I'm very grateful to you for inviting me...
[13:51] ai
    But being the only one here...
[13:53] ai
    I'm just delighted... awe-struck, really...
[13:58] dada
    Ladies... of which there are none.
[14:01] dada
    Gentlemen!
[14:02] dada
    Welcome to the VEPP Theater.
[14:05] ai
    Huh? Did he say Beppu Theater?
[14:07] dada
    I'm proud to introduce that marvelous duo...
[14:11] dada
    The VEPPer!
[14:14] ai
    English? Vapor?
[14:16] dada
    Now's the time!
[14:17] dada
    Enjoy the show!
[14:24] both
    VEPPer, the twin stars
    racing through the galaxy!
[14:30] both
    Let's illuminate the mysteries
    of the universe...
[14:34] both
    On the name of the stars!
[14:44] both
    VEPPer, the twin stars
    racing through the galaxy!
[14:50] both
    Let's illuminate the mysteries
    of the universe...
[14:52] both
    The twin stars shining in the heaven!
[14:54] haru
    Salty Sol!
[14:56] aki
    Melty Luna!
[14:59] both
    Galaxy Idols, the VEPPer!
[15:03] both
    Chosen warrior!
[15:05] haru
    Lucky you!
[15:07] aki
    Happy you!
[15:09] both
    Shooting...
[15:10] both
    Star!
[15:19] go
    We have new neighbors across
    from the bath, then?
[15:23] yu
    I wonder if they'll use our coupons!
[15:25] go
    I'm sure they will.
[15:27] yu
    Yeah!
[15:32] yu
    By the way, big bro...
[15:34] yu
    What's a love hotel?
[15:39] yu
    You don't know, either?
[15:41] go
    I'm sorry.
[15:42] yu
    Why are you apologizing?
[16:02] tofu
    My name is Tofu Monster!
[16:04] tofu
    I possess the delicate mind
[16:07] tofu
    and silky white beauty of tofu!
[16:13] wom
    It's time to Love Making
    into the Battle Lovers!
[16:16] en
    We left our curry back there...
[16:18] atsu
    What a waste.
[16:20] ryu
    I had to cut off a great texting session!
[16:22] io
    I was just thinking about the London markets.
[16:24] wom
    Get to the Love Making already!
[16:27] yu
    Let's finish it up quick!
[16:30] yu
    Love Making!
[16:35] yu
    The Sparkling Prince!
[16:38] yu
    Battle Lover Scarlet!
[16:41] en
    The Flashing Prince!
[16:42] en
    Battle Lover Cerulean!
[16:45] atsu
    The Piercing Prince!
[16:47] atsu
    Battle Lover Epinard!
[16:50] io
    The Roaring Prince!
[16:52] io
    Battle Lover Sulfur!
[16:55] ryu
    The Thrilling Prince!
[16:57] ryu
    Battle Lover Vesta!
[16:59] en
    This love-filled planet will
    not abide those who lack love!
[17:03] ryu
    Those who wield loveless
    power must kneel before love!
[17:07] io
    Love is power!
[17:08] io
    Love is hope!
[17:10] atsu
    Be born for love!
[17:12] atsu
    Give your life for love!
[17:14] yu
    Love!
[17:15] yu
    We are, forever, the heirs
    to the throne of love...
[17:18] five
    Battle Lovers!
[17:19] yu
    Feel the power...
[17:21] five
    Of love!
[17:24] yu
    I don't care if you're tofu or atsu-age!
[17:27] yu
    I want to know why you're
    here, and who sent you!
[17:32] tofu
    If you want to know, you'll
    have to beat me first!
[17:35] tofu
    Domestically-Grown GMO-Free Soybean Shot!
[17:45] tofu
    Tofu is made from soybeans, you know!
[17:47] en
    Obviously!
[17:48] en
    But don't you think you're better than just soybeans?
[17:50] tofu
    Tofu doesn't judge!
[17:52] tofu
    Soy Curd Storm!
[17:58] ryu
    I can't stand curd! It's so gross and mushy!
[18:02] tofu
    Be consumed by the dilemma
[18:03] tofu
    of having to eat fragile
    food with chopsticks!
[18:06] ryu
    It's sticking in my throat!
[18:09] atsu
    I don't think I like this monster.
[18:11] en
    Is there any monster you do like?!
[18:17] en
    The curds...
[18:18] yu
    They're so slick...
[18:20] ryu
    This guy's stronger than I thought!
[18:22] io
    What should we do?
[18:37] yu
    Stop wasting food!
[18:40] yu
    Scarlet Love Lumiere!
[18:42] mon
    Chilled tofu?!
[18:48] io
    At least soybean isoflavone
    is a great moisturizer...
[18:52] mon
    Y-You can't beat me!
[18:54] mon
    I'm delicate and beautiful!
[18:57] yu
    Don't avert your eyes from the truth!
[18:59] yu
    Even if you are tofu, right now,
[19:01] yu
    you're the tofu dregs left behind in the pot!
[19:04] yu
    But whether you get recycled
    for rice porridge the next day
[19:06] yu
    is up to you!
[19:12] yu
    True Love Attack!
[19:25] yu
    True Love Fountain!
[19:40] yu
    Love is over!
[19:43] ryu
    Hey, he's from C class...
[19:45] io
    Oh, I remember him.
[19:47] atsu
    Someone definitely made him a monster, then.
[19:50] yu
    Speaking of which, we forgot to
    ask about the monsters' boss!
[19:54] en
    That's a proper use of "speaking
    of which," at least.
[20:05] yu
    Senpai!
[20:06] yu
    What's that there?
[20:10] haru
    Five of them, and not a
    decent-looking one in the bunch.
[20:12] haru
    Just trash from start to finish.
[20:14] aki
    Really?
[20:15] aki
    I suppose there might be one
    or two eccentrics out there
[20:18] aki
    who they might appeal to.
[20:21] yu
    What was that, you guys?!
[20:23] ryu
    If they're blurring their faces like that...
[20:26] io
    They must be using advanced
    technology like ours.
[20:30] en
    And they seem to be naturally rude.
[20:32] atsu
    Not pleasant at all.
[20:35] haru
    I see no reason to be
    considerate of your feelings.
[20:39] aki
    We're inconsiderately
[20:41] aki
    going to be wiping you out soon, after all.
[20:45] ryu
    The hell do you mean "wiping us out"?
[20:48] haru
    We, the VEPPer,
[20:49] haru
    cannot allow your continued existence.
[20:53] haru
    Understand, loser nerds?
[20:55] io
    Are you trying to pick a fight with us?
[20:58] aki
    Did you finally catch on?
[21:01] aki
    You're awfully slow on the
    uptake. It worries me.
[21:10] dada
    That's enough for today.
[21:13] dada
    We don't want you catching
    their nerd lameness.
[21:16] aki
    You're so right, Dadacha.
[21:19] haru
    Well, you're not going to have
    a comfortable night from now on.
[21:22] haru
    Keep that in mind, loser nerds.
[21:24] en
    Wait, you...
[21:29] yu
    Just who were those guys?
[21:39] go
    What's all this?
[21:40] haru
    You're horribly in our way, apes.
[21:42] aki
    Come on, you're making trouble.
[21:45] aki
    Make way.
[21:52] haru
    Chopping wood?
[21:53] aki
    That must be hard work.
[21:54] go
    Oh, thank you.
[21:57] both
    Excuse us.
[22:10] go
    What was that all about?
[22:20] guard
    We, the Beppu Apes
[22:21] guard
    stand ready to serve you.
    Haru-sama, Aki-sama.
[22:25] guard
    Your wish is our command.
SIGN    Next Episode
SIGN    Brotherly Love
[24:01] en
    Next time, "Brotherly Love."
[24:04] en
    Love Making!
[24:05] ---