5 - To Steal Love Without Regret

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] kino
    There's a mysterious cosplay group
    causing a ruckus around the school lately...
[00:08] kino
    Their identities aren't visible
    to the naked eye or in pictures.
[00:13] kino
    This could be interesting material.
SIGN    To Steal Love Without Regret
[02:08] en
    Raining again today?
[02:11] atsu
    It is the rainy season, after all.
[02:13] en
    It's hard to be enthusiastic when it's raining.
[02:16] atsu
    About what?
[02:17] en
    Active and aggressive things.
[02:20] atsu
    In all the time I've known you,
[02:22] atsu
    I've never seen you do anything
    active and aggressive.
[02:26] en
    Really?
[02:27] atsu
    The Yufuin En I know is
    always passive and defensive.
[02:31] en
    That's my Atsushi.
    He's got the English skills.
[02:35] io
    Apparently, "naïve" and "sensitive"
[02:37] io
    are not considered compliments
    in the English-speaking world.
[02:40] ryuu
    People say stuff like
    "a naïve young man," though.
[02:42] atsu
    Over there, that means "a careless young man."
[02:46] io
    Exactly!
[02:48] ryuu
    Why are you looking at me?
[02:50] io
    It just seemed appropriate.
[02:51] ryuu
    Io, I am not a careless young man.
[02:55] ryuu
    I am a guileless young man.
[02:57] io
    You have a wonderfully high opinion of yourself.
[03:01] en
    Totally losing my motivation...
[03:02] atsu
    I'm telling you, you never had any.
[03:10] en
    Yumoto?
[03:13] atsu
    Were your pupils dilated just now?
[03:16] yumoto
    Something about touching Wom-san
    takes me closer to Nirvana.
[03:22] en
    Like Linus's blanket?
[03:24] atsu
    Oh, yeah, like a feeling of security?
[03:26] yumoto
    It's a little different from security.
[03:29] en
    Then what is it?
[03:30] yumoto
    What, indeed?
[03:32] en
    You're asking me?
[03:33] wom
    I say "no thank you" to being cuddled for no reason!
[03:36] yumoto
    Don't say that!
[03:37] yumoto
    Unhand me, you!
[03:39] wom
    Let me cuddle you!
[03:41] wom
    Day after day after day,
    you've cuddled me so much,
[03:44] wom
    the fur around my stomach is thinning out!
[03:47] yumoto
    Then I'll do your back from now on!
[03:49] wom
    That is not the issue!
[03:52] io
    Does it absolutely have to be Wombat?
[03:54] io
    Could it be something else?
[03:55] yumoto
    Hmm! Good question!
[03:58] yumoto
    Something about his cuddliness
    is just right to me.
[04:02] yumoto
    Gives me that "feel so fine" feeling!
[04:04] io
    What if he were some other kind of fluffy?
[04:06] yumoto
    I'd consider it.
[04:08] io
    Floofy?
[04:09] yumoto
    Absolutely!
[04:11] io
    Fuzzy?
[04:12] yumoto
    That would be fine.
[04:13] io
    Like that over there?
[04:15] yumoto
    Oh, that's good!
[04:18] yumoto
    Wait, that's...
[04:21] trio
    Mr. Tawarayama!
[04:23] ryuu
    What is all this?
[04:24] atsu
    Mold? Is it mold? It's mold!
[04:26] en
    Hey, hey, hey!
[04:28] en
    Cut it out!
[04:30] ryuu
    Wombat, what happened
    to your advanced science?
[04:33] wombat
    I'm sorry!
[04:34] wombat
    The high temperature and humidity lately
[04:37] wombat
    have created favorable
    conditions for mold growth!
[04:39] io
    "Favorable"? It's utterly putrid.
[04:42] wom
    It's fine! Get rid of the mold and
    the main body will still be fine!
[04:47] io
    The hyphae of mold go down
    deeper than you'd think.
[04:50] yumoto
    One time, I picked the mold off some
    bread and ate it, and I got sick!
[04:53] ryuu
    Are you stupid?
[04:54] yumoto
    I was hungry!
[04:56] atsu
    Anyway, it's bad that he's growing mold, isn't it?
[04:59] yumoto
    Let's wash him! Let's wash him!
[05:00] yumoto
    Everything turns out okay after a washing!
[05:05] yumoto
    What's this? What color is this?
[05:07] atsu
    Wombat, you have to be more
    careful with Mr. Tawarayama.
[05:11] en
    Yeah, there's no love in this.
[05:13] wombat
    You say that I, who came here to fill
    the Earth with love, have no love?!
[05:17] ryuu
    Nope, none.
[05:18] io
    Crude in every way.
[05:19] yumoto
    Upsy-daisy!
[05:23] en
    Hey. He fell.
[05:25] yumoto
    There, it turned out okay!
[05:27] four
    It did not!
[05:28] ryuu
    If anyone saw this,
    they'd say it was elder abuse!
[05:31] io
    Assault, right?
SIGN    Earth Defense Club (lol)
[05:32] yumoto
    He just looks that way because
    he's wet. If we dry him off...
[05:37] en
    I thought I just heard a knock.
[05:40] ryuu
    But no one's ever visited us before.
[05:43] atsu
    Either way, this situation clearly looks bad!
[05:46] io
    All Hell's gonna break loose, yeah.
[05:50] kino
    Pardon me!
[05:53] yumoto
    Man, he sure is persistent!
[05:55] en
    Hey!
[05:58] yumoto
    Who's there? What do you want?
[06:00] kino
    Oh, how rude of me.
[06:02] kino
    I am Kinosaki of the PS.
[06:05] yumoto
    PS?
[06:07] kino
    The Press Society.
[06:09] kino
    This is my photographer, Tazawa.
[06:11] taz
    Hey.
SIGN    Binan High School
    Press Society
    Kinosaki Kou
[06:12] kino
    A pleasure to make your acquaintance.
[06:14] atsu
    And what do two members of
    the Press Society want with us?
[06:17] kino
    How rude of me.
[06:18] kino
    The truth is, I publish online articles
    for the Binan High School Press Society
[06:22] kino
    about daily life on campus.
[06:27] atsu
    Online?
[06:28] kino
    The other day at a meeting,
    I proposed a new project:
[06:31] kino
    could we make a theme out of the
    "bonds" between distinctive teachers
[06:34] kino
    and the students around them?
[06:37] kino
    I call it "Beloved Teachers"!
[06:40] kino
    Well? Don't you think it's a great project?
[06:43] all
    Yeah...
[06:44] kino
    Thank you for the words of praise.
[06:47] kino
    A flower of compassion blooming
    quietly in the wild concrete jungle...
[06:51] kino
    The bond between student and
    teacher is the most precious of all!
[06:55] kino
    "My teacher!" "My class!"
[06:57] kino
    Souls crying out to each other!
[06:59] kino
    A miraculous meeting!
[07:00] yumoto
    This guy's weird.
[07:02] en
    You're one to talk.
[07:04] kino
    Don't let it worry you.
[07:05] kino
    The press is often misunderstood.
[07:08] kino
    But to root out the truth and
    convey it in elaborate, minute detail...
[07:14] kino
    I believe that is our mission.
[07:19] ryuu
    Hey, what are you doing?
[07:20] io
    I refuse to have my picture taken.
[07:22] kino
    No, I just received your consent to be covered.
[07:26] kino
    I thought we'd get started right away.
[07:28] ryuu
    Covered?
[07:29] io
    Consent?
[07:30] atsu
    Who gave it?
[07:31] kino
    Oh, honestly!
[07:32] kino
    Right now, you just said it
    was a good project, didn't you?
[07:36] kino
    Now, let's get right to the
    interview wth Mr. Tawarayama!
[07:41] kino
    Mr. Tawarayama, from all that I've just seen,
[07:45] kino
    you seem to enjoy a very frank
    relationship with your students.
[07:49] en
    What you've just seen?
[07:50] kino
    Yes.
[07:51] kino
    I was below when I caught sight of
    the fun you were having by the window.
[07:57] kino
    Mr. Tawarayama, you seem truly
    energetic for a man of your age.
[08:02] kino
    Please, tell us the secret of
    your health and agile movements.
[08:08] kino
    Mr. Tawarayama?
[08:10] en
    We decline this interview.
[08:13] atsu
    We're a boring club.
    No one's going to find it interesting.
[08:15] kino
    No, no.
[08:16] kino
    It is the users who will determine
    what's interesting and what's not.
[08:20] io
    Please leave.
[08:22] ryuu
    If you don't...
[08:23] kino
    Um, you can refuse if you want to, but...
[08:26] kino
    I have a little something
    called freedom of the press.
[08:29] kino
    So I'm going to gather material
    without hesitation. Okay?
[08:35] io
    It's a violation of our likeness usage rights.
[08:38] io
    Nowadays, you have to be very careful
[08:40] io
    about how you use personal information.
[08:42] kino
    Yes. That's why I thought it would be
    beneficial for you to use us, as well.
[08:48] kino
    Let's make it a win-win situation!
[08:54] wom
    Oh, dear...
[09:00] kino
    Good morning, Yufuin-san!
[09:02] kino
    It seems we're finally getting a bit of
    a break from the rainy season, eh?
[09:06] kino
    Are you feeling well, Yufuin-san?
[09:09] kino
    Come to think of it,
    I don't see Kinugawa-san around.
[09:12] kino
    Are you all alone, Yufuin-san?
[09:14] en
    Atsushi has day duty.
[09:15] en
    So what do you want?
[09:17] kino
    How rude of me.
[09:19] kino
    I'm here for your morning
    greeting and interview.
[09:22] en
    Interview?
[09:23] kino
    Yes. Yufuin En-san, what are your hobbies?
[09:27] en
    Hobbies? None, really.
[09:29] kino
    Special skills?
[09:31] en
    Special skills? None, really.
[09:32] kino
    He says he has no real skills.
[09:35] en
    Uh, I don't like you putting it that way...
[09:37] kino
    Favorite foods?
[09:39] en
    Well, none really.
[09:40] kino
    He has no favorite foods.
[09:41] en
    Look, I told you...
[09:42] kino
    You're not giving me much of an interview.
[09:45] en
    Well, you can't just ask me
    this stuff out of the blue.
[09:48] en
    Give me some questions
    that are easier to answer.
[09:51] kino
    Questions that are easier to answer?
[09:53] kino
    Let me see...
[09:55] kino
    If you suddenly became a superhero
    tasked with protecting the Earth,
[09:58] kino
    what would you do?
[10:01] kino
    Well, it's a purely hypothetical question.
[10:03] kino
    What would you do if something
    like that were to happen?
[10:08] kino
    Are you the type that would find
    it bothersome? Or would you...
[10:14] kino
    That pose... Discomfort? Despair?!
[10:17] io
    It's the rage, fury, and indignation
    over a failed FX transaction!
[10:21] ryuu
    You're so stupid.
[10:23] ryuu
    Don't cry. I hate women who cry.
[10:26] kino
    Even if he became a superhero,
    he'd hate women who cry, he says.
[10:30] ryuu
    I can buy you a remote control, at least.
[10:32] ryuu
    Huh? Are remote controls that expensive?
[10:35] ryuu
    Then just do it by hand.
[10:38] kino
    It's tough when you can't
    change from hot air to cold.
[10:42] ryuu
    Why can't you just put it
    on an automatic setting?
[10:44] kino
    Carefully adjusting your settings is better
    for the environment, don't you think?
[10:48] ryuu
    Shut up!
[10:50] ryuu
    Hello? Hello?
[10:53] kino
    Your defense of romance failed, I see.
[10:55] ryuu
    Save it!
[10:57] atsu
    What is that?
[10:59] atsu
    Like part of a "ten questions" thing?
[11:01] kino
    No, no. Nothing so sophisticated.
[11:04] atsu
    Good point. That would
    make a boring question.
[11:08] kino
    Oh, you got one on me there.
[11:15] yumoto
    I can't eat any more...
[11:21] wom
    Huh?
[11:22] tawara
    Just ten more minutes...
[11:25] wom
    What, what?
[11:36] maru
    I am a puppet under my father's control.
SIGN    Sousa Enkaku
[11:39] maru
    I can only follow the rails he's laid for me.
[11:41] aur
    Is that so?
[11:47] aur
    Then perhaps it's time you did the controlling.
SIGN    Io Naruko
    Born December 17th
    Blood Type A / Capricorn
    Hobbies: Financial investment and management
    Likes: Money, beef bowls
[12:02] en
    They're... Or, I should say he's annoying.
[12:05] io
    He's awful. In the last two days,
    I've suffered a loss of 1.8 million.
[12:09] ryuu
    I wish he'd disappear. Just turn to dust.
[12:12] wom
    Really!
[12:13] wom
    With those two hanging around,
    I can't act freely at all!
[12:18] wom
    I have to stay close to that
    individual, and I can't even talk!
[12:22] wom
    I'm so restricted! I feel so trapped!
[12:25] wom
    You may as well call it oppression!
    We must do something at once!
[12:30] atsu
    Isn't this reaping what you sow?
[12:32] yumoto
    It's okay. I'll cuddle you in exchange.
[12:35] wom
    That ain't the point!
[12:36] yumoto
    They didn't come see me for an interview.
[12:39] yumoto
    I would've answered, too.
[12:41] wom
    You were just sleepin' like a baby!
[12:43] ryuu
    I've never seen Wombat so pissed off.
[12:46] io
    When he gets pissed off,
    he talks with a Kansai accent, then?
[12:49] atsu
    It's fine to rant, but please don't
    leave Mr. Tawarayama like that.
[12:53] ryuu
    Really, you keep cooling
    him off and heating him up...
[12:56] wom
    What are you sayin'?
[12:57] wom
    An hour or two away from him ain't
    gonna make a difference at this point!
[13:01] yumoto
    Wombat's gone delinquent!
[13:03] yumoto
    Hey, what's wrong with you—
[13:05] wombat
    Don't touch me!
[13:06] wombat
    Jackass! Your mama's got an outie!
[13:08] ryuu
    The stress is causing Wombat
    to resort to name calling!
[13:12] io
    He's being pretty careless.
[13:14] atsu
    Does that make him naïve?
[13:18] kino
    Hello!
[13:21] kino
    Is this what they call a "naked hang-out"?
[13:24] kino
    The Kurotama Bath.
    It's a fine location, isn't it?
[13:27] kino
    We're going to take
    advantage of it in a big way!
[13:31] kino
    So the Defense Club is taking a
    bath along with their pink pet.
[13:35] kino
    How nice! Talk about a fine picture!
[13:37] kino
    And Mr. Tawarayama has a very
    distinctive bathing style.
[13:47] atsu
    Excuse me, Kinosaki-san.
[13:48] atsu
    This is a private gathering.
    Could you please refrain from doing this?
[13:53] kino
    Oh, how rude of me.
[13:54] kino
    Of course, whether you participate
    or not is your own choice.
[13:58] atsu
    Well, outsiders are not really... you know?
[14:01] kino
    Oh? Does this place have a membership system?
[14:04] atsu
    No, it's not that...
[14:07] kino
    But Mr. Tawarayama sure can hold
    his breath a long time, can't he?
[14:15] en
    Seriously? At a time like this?
[14:17] yumoto
    This is the usual Lovra—
[14:20] kino
    Love? What was that? What was that?
[14:22] atsu
    Um, well...
[14:24] en
    Mr. Tawarayama's spent
    too long in the hot water.
[14:27] en
    Why don't we cool him down a while?
[14:28] both
    Yes, yes, let's do that.
[14:30] kino
    Ah, but...
[14:32] both
    C'mon, Mr. Tawarayama!
[14:33] ---
    You don't want to get dizzy.
[14:33] ---
    Let's take a break over there.
[14:37] atsu
    We'll be back soon.
[14:39] en
    Please, enjoy the bath, you two.
[14:42] wom
    Hurry! Love Making into the Battle Lovers!
[14:46] atsu
    Calm down, Wombat.
[14:48] en
    There's no way we can transform here.
[14:50] wom
    But while we're standing here,
    love is, love was, love will be...
[14:55] en
    If we transform now, they'll find us out.
[14:57] atsu
    I bet he's already suspicious of us.
[14:59] yumoto
    Would it be bad if they found out?
[15:01] ryuu
    Of course.
[15:02] io
    If they find out...
[15:03] kino
    What's with those outfits?
[15:05] kino
    Is there a point to the big speeches?
[15:08] kino
    How does it feel?
[15:09] kino
    You guys!
[15:11] en
    No way.
[15:15] ryuu
    That hurts, darn it!
[15:17] io
    Can't we turn these things off?
[15:19] wom
    It won't stop until you end
    it with the Love Shower!
[15:22] en
    This sucks.
[15:23] atsu
    If we don't hurry, they'll finish their bath!
[15:26] yumoto
    We'll just have to kill him.
[15:27] all
    Huh?
[15:28] atsu
    Who?
[15:29] yumoto
    Mr. Tawarayama. He'll have to die for us!
[15:34] all
    Oh...
[15:35] all
    No way!
[15:37] ryuu
    How frightening!
[15:38] io
    Isn't that a little out of date?
[15:41] yumoto
    Now, now. Just hear me out.
[15:44] kino
    What are they talking about?
[15:48] kino
    What happened?
[15:50] yumoto
    Mr. Tawarayama...
[15:51] yumoto
    Mr. Tawarayama isn't breathing!
[15:56] yumoto
    Look, Kinosaki-san!
[15:58] yumoto
    See? He's not breathing, right?
    And his pupils are dilated!
[16:03] yumoto
    Go on! Check and make sure!
[16:06] yumoto
    Do it! It's the press's job to get to the truth!
[16:10] kino
    Th-That is true...
[16:12] kino
    Y-You're right. It's not beating.
[16:14] yumoto
    This is awful!
[16:17] atsu
    So, we're going to go call a doctor!
[16:20] atsu
    Please stay with Mr. Tawarayama until then!
[16:24] atsu
    Let's go, Defense Club!
[16:26] atsu
    Let's defend Mr. Tawarayama's life and health!
[16:29] four
    Yeah!
[16:30] kino
    Hey, wai—
[16:34] kino
    Hey! Go after them!
[16:35] taz
    But we're naked.
[16:37] kino
    They're naked, too!
[16:43] wom
    Now!
[16:44] yumoto
    Love Making!
[16:49] en
    You, who befoul our beloved Earth!
[16:51] ryuu
    No justice can come from loveless power!
[16:54] io
    Love is all!
[16:55] atsu
    Live for love! Die for love!
[16:58] yumoto
    We are the heirs to the throne of love!
[17:00] five
    Battle Lovers!
[17:02] yumoto
    Feel the power...
[17:04] five
    Of love!
[17:08] ryuu
    Oh, come on!
[17:09] ryuu
    We don't need to do the introduction
    if we're transforming in secret!
[17:11] io
    Besides, we don't have time!
[17:13] wom
    It's a matter of feeling and etiquette!
[17:15] wom
    Let's go!
[17:21] boy
    There!
[17:29] boy
    It's hot.
[17:30] boy
    What is this?
[17:33] boy
    The air conditioner! And it's hot air!
[17:35] boy
    Who hit the heater button?
[17:40] monster
    Touching the control panel directly...
[17:42] monster
    You hate that minor task so much,
    you invented the remote control to avoid it.
[17:48] monster
    But in exchange for that slight saving of time,
[17:51] monster
    you also invite a great threat...
[17:54] monster
    Air conditioners that can't cool in the summer!
[17:57] monster
    Video games that can't get
    past the title screen!
[17:59] monster
    Bidet toilets that won't
    stop washing your butthole!
[18:02] monster
    TVs locked forever on TV Tokyo!
[18:07] monster
    Now, let's make things a little warmer!
[18:12] boys
    It's hot...
[18:13] boys
    So hot...
[18:19] yumoto
    Battle Lover Kick!
[18:26] yumoto
    You are really, really,
    really, really long-winded!
[18:28] yumoto
    We're in a hurry, you know!
[18:30] yumoto
    If you don't have a remote control,
    just pull the plug and consider from there!
[18:34] ryuu
    That was fast.
[18:35] en
    One hit?
[18:36] atsu
    It's like there was no
    reason for us to be here.
[18:38] io
    Seriously.
[18:39] yumoto
    Okay! Let's finish this quick!
[18:42] monster
    I don't think so!
[18:46] four
    He stopped!
[18:50] monster
    Did you forget I'm the
    Remote Control Monster?
[18:55] yumoto
    My body's moving on its own!
[18:57] monster
    You are but a puppet that moves
    as my remote control dictates!
[19:06] ---
    Gulp!
[19:07] monster
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
[19:13] monster
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
[19:17] wombat
    Shut up!
[19:19] yumoto
    Now!
[19:20] yumoto
    Love Attack!
[19:29] yumoto
    Love Shower!
[19:37] monster
    So I was also a mere puppet under their control?
[19:42] monster
    From now on, I should follow my own will...
[19:49] yumoto
    Love is over!
[19:51] atsu
    I'm so done objecting to that.
[19:53] en
    Hey, this is Sousa Enkaku from class 3-B.
[19:56] atsu
    So the monsters are being
    controlled by someone?
[20:00] ryuu
    Who could it be?
[20:01] io
    Hey! We have to get back, quick!
[20:03] yumoto
    Oh, no!
[20:08] kino
    What should we do?
[20:10] taz
    For the time being...
[20:17] yumoto
    Mr. Tawarayama! Have you come to?
[20:21] yumoto
    How do you feel?
[20:22] tawara
    Ah, hello, my friends. I feel fine.
[20:26] yumoto
    That is a fine thing to hear.
[20:28] ryuu
    Why are they talking like
    they're in a period drama?
[20:30] io
    Who knows?
[20:31] yumoto
    Mr. Tawaramura, this is
    Kinosaki-san and Tazawa-san,
[20:35] yumoto
    who took care of you while you were out.
[20:38] tawara
    So you are my Florence Nightengales?
[20:41] kino
    N-No...
[20:43] en
    We fooled them completely... I guess?
[20:45] atsu
    I dunno.
[20:46] yumoto
    I know! A picture! Let's take a picture!
[20:49] yumoto
    Gora! Come here a minute!
[20:52] gora
    What is it, Yumoto?
[20:54] kino
    The Village of the Eight Tombs!
[20:55] yumoto
    Take our picture for us!
[20:58] gora
    Sure.
[20:59] yumoto
    Let us borrow that.
[21:01] gora
    Okay, I'm taking it.
[21:02] yumoto
    Go for it!
[21:03] gora
    One, two... snap!
SIGN    Earth Defense Club Defending the Teacher
[21:11] kusa
    What is this?
[21:13] ari
    "The heartwarming bonds that
    unite the teachers and students
[21:16] ari
    of Binan High School," apparently.
[21:18] kusa
    What nonsense.
[21:20] kusa
    And why are they dressed like this?
[21:22] kusa
    It's the height of vulgarity.
[21:24] gero
    Although it seems to have
    gotten quite a reaction.
[21:27] kusa
    A reaction?
[21:28] gero
    Yes, along with words of praise
    from the neighborhood.
[21:34] ari
    What shall we do, Kinshiro?
[21:37] ari
    We'll have to accept their
    club application sooner or later.
SIGN    By order of the
    Binan High School
    Student Council
[21:47] gero
    Oh, it's upside down.
[21:50] kino
    Our direct report
[21:52] kino
    went pretty well for the first stage, didn't it?
[22:01] kino
    Right?
[23:40] io
    If we get bad grades on our finals,
    the Defense Club will be disbanded?!
[23:44] io
    And the student council is
    offering me a position as treasurer?
[23:48] io
    Sure thing, if you pay me!
[23:50] io
    Next time: Love is Something
    You Wear on Your Back.
SIGN    Next Time
SIGN    Love is Something You Wear on Your Back
[23:53] io
    Love Making!