1 - The Suddenness of HAPPY! KISS

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] fura
    --
[00:00] etsu
    --
[00:00] ---
    --
[00:00] kiri
    --
SIGN    Earth Defense Club (lol)
[00:32] kiri
    Hey, Kyotaro! There you are!
[00:37] kiri
    What's that? A bird?
[00:42] shu
    You shouldn't have startled him, Ryo-chin.
[00:44] kiri
    I see the animals still love you, at least.
[00:48] kiri
    Didn't I catch you napping with a stray cat
     in the courtyard not long ago?
[00:53] shu
    Did you?
[00:54] kiri
    Look at you, you're a mess.
[00:56] kiri
    You need to brush your hair.
[00:57] shu
    So? What did you want?
[00:59] kiri
    Oh, right. You missed a quiz.
[01:03] kiri
    I told them you were in
    the nurse's office, but...
[01:05] shu
    Ah, thank you.
[01:08] kiri
    Don't "thank you, yawn" me!
[01:12] kiri
    You're gonna get written up again.
[01:15] shu
    I'll work it out.
[01:16] kiri
    Work it out how?
[01:18] shu
    Well, things have always worked out before.
[01:21] kiri
    Is that looking on the bright side,
    or throwing in the towel?
[01:25] shu
    I'm not sure...
[01:26] shu
    What do you think it is, Ryo-chin?
[01:28] kiri
    How should I know?
[01:30] kazu
    Is this indolence I see?
[01:31] kiri
    Insolence?
[01:32] kazu
    In-do-lence.
[01:34] kiri
    Wakura-senpai, you really have
    an advanced vocabulary.
[01:38] kazu
    Put simply, it means "lazy."
[01:42] kazu
    But since things always work out for you,
[01:45] kazu
    I can't totally criticize you,
    which is the problem.
[01:49] shu
    I think I just get lucky.
[01:51] kazu
    No, no. Even if it's just luck,
    it's impressive.
[01:57] waku
    Ryoma-kun, would you make us some tea?
[01:58] kiri
    What treats did you bring today?
[02:00] waku
    I'm not telling you, Ryoma-kun.
[02:03] waku
    Just kidding. It's salt
    daifuku from the Takeyado.
[02:07] kiri
    Salt daifuku!
[02:08] kiri
    What tea do you recommend?
[02:11] waku
    Roasted green...
[02:12] kiri
    Got it!
[02:13] waku
    Just kidding. A bitter black would be best.
[02:15] kiri
    R-Right!
[02:18] shu
    Hey, Nanao-san.
[02:19] waku
    Yes?
[02:20] shu
    I've been thinking...
[02:22] shu
    Aren't you a little too hard on Ryo-chin?
[02:26] waku
    Certainly not.
[02:27] waku
    Things do tend to get hard
    when he's around.
[02:30] kiri
    What do you mean by that?
[02:32] waku
    You really want to know?
[02:33] kiri
    No, actually.
[02:36] waku
    It's because you're so much fun, Ryoma-kun.
[02:41] kiri
    I'm... honored.
[02:42] shu
    I think I see what you mean.
[02:45] waku
    Right?
[02:48] waku
    Well, all that aside...
[02:50] waku
    The little ones are late, aren't they?
[02:52] do
    Hey, hey, hey!
[02:53] do
    I told you, it's proof!
[02:54] ban
    What's this one board supposed to prove?
[02:57] dogo
    I told you, it's proof that people
    besides us were in the Defense Club!
[03:02] ban
    It's just a silly prank.
[03:03] dogo
    What makes you think it's a prank?
[03:06] waku
    What's going on, Ichiro-kun? Taishi-kun?
[03:08] shu
    Why are you always arguing? Chiro, Tai-Tai?
[03:12] dogo
    Taishi says there was no Defense Club!
[03:12] ban
    Ichiro says there was a Defense Club!
[03:16] kiri
    Hey, little ones. I see you're playing nice.
[03:17] dogo
    Little ones? You mean us?
[03:20] ban
    That label is extremely inappropriate.
[03:22] ban
    Well, maybe it's all right for Ichiro.
[03:24] dogo
    Hey, hey, hey! What do you mean,
    it's all right for me?
[03:26] ban
    Do I really need to explain reality to you?
[03:29] ban
    You're a munchkin, Ichiro.
[03:30] dogo
    I've gained three millimeters
    since the year started!
[03:33] ban
    Your math must be off.
[03:35] kiri
    So, what's this about the Defense Club?
[03:38] dogo
    We're debating whether
    there was a Defense Club...
[03:40] ban
    ...or if there wasn't one.
[03:43] dogo
    Nanao-senpai, what do you think?
[03:45] ban
    It's just a prank, right?
[03:48] waku
    That's a good question...
[03:50] waku
    What do you think, Kyotaro-kun?
[03:53] shu
    Long ago... or perhaps not so long ago,
[03:58] shu
    there were aliens who were
    trying to destroy Earth.
[04:01] shu
    But others rose up to prevent them,
    and this is where they organized.
[04:07] shu
    They called themselves
    the Earth Defense Club.
[04:11] dogo
    You mean, they protected Earth?
[04:13] shu
    You think they didn't?
[04:15] shu
    What did you think they
    were protecting, Chiro?
[04:17] ban
    Wait a minute. Shuzenji-senpai,
    were you just...
[04:21] shu
    ...making it up.
[04:25] kiri
    I thought it sounded made up.
[04:27] shu
    I just thought it would
    be neat if it was true.
[04:29] kiri
    Yeah, yeah. Let's have tea, everyone.
SIGN    The Suddenness of HAPPY! KISS
[04:39] shu
    Maybe their enemies were
    called the Conquest Club.
[04:43] shu
    That would be the opposite of the Defense Club.
[04:44] kiri
    Are we still on this subject?
[04:46] shu
    Each time I look at that darkened sign,
[04:49] shu
    it feels like we've come so far.
[04:52] dogo
    Kyotaro-senpai, you sound
    like an old man. It's freaky.
[04:56] shu
    Is it?
[04:58] shu
    I want to get older soon,
    so I can spend eternity spacing out.
[05:03] shi
    I won't allow it!
[05:06] una
    But you don't think adding more
    school rules is a bit much?
[05:09] shi
    Unazuki-san, you're too soft.
[05:12] shi
    If we allow for freedom and independence,
[05:14] shi
    Binan High School will deteriorate further.
[05:16] shiro
    It's not good right now?
[05:18] shiro
    I'm in shock...
[05:19] shi
    Of course it's not, Maasa!
[05:22] shi
    Indolence and sloth run rampant!
[05:25] shiro
    Indolence? Sloth?
[05:28] shiro
    I don't understand those words myself.
SIGN    Koshigawa Wataru
[05:31] etsu
    I just love the Binan High
    School student council!
[05:35] etsu
    The ever-gallant president, Ibusuki Ata-san!
[05:39] etsu
    With his aura of born handsomeness,
    vice president Unazuki Taiju-san!
[05:44] etsu
    And the impish little cutie-pie,
    secretary Shirahone Maasa-san!
[05:49] etsu
    They're too bright for my eyes to behold!
[06:03] kiri
    Kyotaro, you're like an old man.
[06:06] kiri
    You even make breathing
    look like too much effort.
[06:09] shu
    If I forget to breathe, do remind me.
[06:17] shu
    This feels good.
[06:19] shu
    Makes me sleepy...
[06:21] kiri
    H-Hold it, Kyotaro!
[06:26] kiri
    Kyotaro. What's that?
[06:33] ban
    Yikes!
[06:37] karl
    Wow, I can't believe there's
    water in a place like this!
[06:41] karl
    Major surprise!
[06:42] kiri
    Who's this? A customer?
[06:44] waku
    I've never seen him before.
[06:46] karl
    Sorry to startle you.
[06:48] waku
    No, that's all right...
[06:50] shu
    You came here dressed?
[06:53] kar
    Should I have taken off my clothes?
[06:55] waku
    Well, one usually does.
[06:58] karl
    How come?
[06:59] kiri
    Isn't it uncomfortable to be in wet clothes?
[07:03] karl
    Now that you mention it...
[07:05] karl
    But...
[07:13] karl
    Now it's all better!
[07:15] dogo
    Wow, wow, wow! You're like an animal!
[07:18] karl
    Is that strange? Unusual?
[07:23] karl
    You don't dry off so easily here?
[07:27] karl
    I see!
[07:28] karl
    Then... can you do this?
[07:32] dogo
    No, no, no!
[07:35] karl
    How about this?
[07:39] dogo
    I told you, no, no, no.
[07:50] waku
    What is this? Magic tricks?
[07:54] karl
    That's right, this is our tributary!
[07:58] karl
    It's the human realm! Earth!
[08:00] karl
    The people, the powers,
    and the society are all different!
[08:03] karl
    Neat!
[08:05] karl
    But this is no time to
    stand around starry-eyed...
[08:07] karl
    Oh, oh, what was I supposed
    to do next, again?
[08:11] dogo
    What's a tributary?
[08:12] ban
    A territory. Sort of like a colony.
[08:16] karl
    I know! I should explain.
[08:19] karl
    I need to explain to you... my subjects!
[08:25] karl
    I'm Karls, first prince of Honyala Land!
[08:28] karl
    I've come to rule over you, happy-style!
[08:33] dogo
    What the heck is this? What, what, what?
[08:35] ban
    Is that an otter?
[08:36] karl
    Oh, drat. I turned back to normal. Tee-hee.
[08:42] shu
    I need to trade in my
    winning popsicle sticks.
[08:45] karl
    Wait, wait! I've got a deal for you!
[08:48] shu
    A great offer?
[08:49] karl
    Yes! Info on an amazing, surprising bargain!
[08:52] karl
    You'll regret it forever
    if you let this slip away.
[08:54] waku
    Just what is this deal?
[08:56] karl
    The Karls Knights are hiring!
[08:58] karl
    You get to be my knights for free!
[09:01] karl
    You can even help me in my happy reign!
[09:04] karl
    Great deal, huh?
[09:08] waku
    Right, I need to wash
    the curtains in my room.
[09:11] waku
    I just forgot, I'm running low on tea.
[09:12] waku
    I have a library book to return.
[09:13] waku
    Gotta water my flowers.
[09:15] karl
    Wait! Wait!
[09:17] karl
    Is all that more important
    than being a knight?
[09:22] shu
    No... it just sounds like a raw deal.
[09:29] karl
    Someone is sad.
[09:37] etsu
    I never wanted to grow up.
[09:40] etsu
    The older I get,
    the more dirty and ugly I become.
[09:45] etsu
    I don't want to change.
[09:47] etsu
    I want to be a child forever.
SIGN    1704th The tradition!!
    
    
    
    
    Pretty Boy Contest
[09:56] etsu
    I can't even take part in the
    Pretty Boy Contest anymore, either.
[10:00] etsu
    I, who was once called an angel,
[10:03] etsu
    have shed my wings and fallen to earth!
[10:08] etsu
    Who's there?
[10:13] una
    I see. What a terrifying story.
[10:16] shira
    The world is just packed
    full of fear, isn't it?
[10:19] shira
    You'd be better off faithfully
     serving your ruler, then.
[10:23] etsu
    What are you talking about?
[10:31] etsu
    Blorf!
SIGN    Shuzenji Kyotaro
    Born 11/28
    Blood Type: B
    Sagittarius
    Hobbies: Napping and hot baths
    Likes: Dorayaki, spacing out
[10:40] kiri
    Wh-What happened?
[10:42] shu
    Think it got something caught in its throat?
[10:43] kiri
    Like what?
[10:45] karl
    J... J...
[10:46] shu
    Just Google it, asshole?
[10:48] karl
    No!
[10:50] karl
    Someone is sad.
[10:53] waku
    Sad?
[10:55] waku
    I suppose there would be.
[10:57] waku
    There are 7.5 billion people in the world.
[10:59] waku
    They can't all be doing
    cartwheels all the time.
[11:01] karl
    You're wrong! They all need
    to be happy, all the time!
[11:04] waku
    Um, you think he's a cult
    person or something?
[11:08] kiri
    Well, he's not exactly a person...
[11:10] shu
    Either way, he doesn't seem like
    someone we should get involved with.
[11:14] karl
    Wait! Wait!
[11:15] karl
    I can't stand having someone sad out there!
[11:17] karl
    I want to make him happy!
[11:19] shu
    Even though you're an otter?
[11:21] karl
    I'm not an otter! I'm Karls!
[11:23] karl
    I'm a prince!
[11:24] karl
    So c'mon, just work for
    me a little, would you?
[11:27] shu
    What's with that natural exploitation style?
[11:30] karl
    C'mon... Just for a little while!
[11:32] karl
    Please! C'mon! Please!
[11:33] shu
    Sorry.
[11:34] shu
    You can beg me like a louse of an absentee
    husband all you want, but it's not happening.
[11:36] karl
    I'm begging you!
[11:38] kiri
    He's getting awfully friendly.
[11:39] shu
    Nope, not happening.
[11:42] karl
    Darn it... In that case...
[11:51] dogo
    That really hurt!
[11:53] ban
    Hey, are we at school?
[11:54] dogo
    What is this? So bad, so bad, so bad!
[11:57] waku
    Somebody's probably calling the cops now.
[11:59] kiri
    I'm cold out here! I'm gonna catch a cold!
[12:02] karl
    Gentlemen! I'll explain later—
[12:05] shu
    You can't throw people out
    naked in early spring.
[12:08] shu
    I'm very cold right now.
[12:09] karl
    A little exercise would warm you u—
[12:11] shu
    Japanese otters were hunted for their
    pelts and went extinct as a result.
[12:17] shu
    Perhaps you could warm me up.
[12:19] karl
    Warm you up?
[12:21] shu
    As a pelt.
[12:23] mon
    Blorf!
[12:24] all
    Blorf! Blorf! Blorf!
[12:28] dogo
    I can't tell what they're saying...
[12:31] ban
    It sounds like a chorus made up of the
    world's worst elementary school bullies!
[12:36] stu
    Help!
[12:43] kai
    Taste the terror of the tone-deaf "blorf!"
SIGN    Blorf
[12:48] dogo
    Is he behind it?
[12:49] shu
    You got it, Chiro.
[12:51] waku
    He's producing that "blorf" sound everywhere.
[12:57] waku
    Is that the sad person?
[13:00] karl
    Yes!
[13:02] karl
    He's currently beset by anger and suffering!
[13:05] karl
    It's the depths of sorrow!
[13:06] karl
    As a prince, I cannot allow my
    subjects to experience such misery!
[13:10] karl
    As the first prince of Honyala
    Land, Karls de Yutari Honyalala,
[13:13] karl
    I'm going to make him happy!
[13:15] karl
    My knights of happiness!
[13:18] karl
    Come on!
[13:31] karl
    Now, make your pledge with a kiss.
[14:11] shu
    Magic Knight of the Flowers, Fiore Kiss!
[14:25] kiri
    Magic Knight of the Stars, Stella Kiss!
[14:38] waku
    Magic Knight of the Moon, Luna Kiss!
[14:51] ban
    Magic Knight of the Snow, Neve Kiss!
[15:04] dogo
    Magic Knight of Space, Spazio Kiss!
[15:09] dogo
    Like the flowers that
    bloom across the world...
[15:12] dogo
    Like the stars that shine in the night sky...
[15:14] dogo
    Like the moon that illuminates
    everything below...
[15:17] dogo
    Like the snow that gently
    embraces the land...
[15:19] dogo
    Let's bring happiness to the universe!
[15:22] dogo
    We are the magic knights who bring happiness!
[15:25] dogo
    Karls Knights Happy Kiss!
[15:30] karl
    Knights contract complete!
[15:33] kiri
    Hey, this isn't right!
[15:34] kiri
    I didn't do that willingly!
[15:36] waku
    How did it work, exactly?
[15:38] waku
    Brainwashing? Hypnosis? A dream?
[15:40] ban
    We shouldn't underestimate that otter...
[15:43] shu
    His hand was surprisingly soft.
[15:46] all
    That's your comment?!
[15:47] shu
    Well, it really was soft. And smooth.
[15:53] kiri
    We're flying?
[15:54] waku
    It seems we really have become magic knights.
[16:04] dogo
    Hey, he's coming after us!
[16:06] ban
    No mercy. We'll have to
    friggin' crush that guy!
[16:09] kiri
    We will?
[16:11] ban
    We can hardly stand back and leave the
    students of Binan High School in danger.
[16:16] karl
    Yes, yes! Go, make them happy!
[16:19] dogo
    Hey, you...
[16:19] kar
    I'm not the one you should be looking at!
[16:23] ban
    Get the hell away from us!
[16:29] dogo
    Taishi!
[16:31] karl
    Oh. Those aren't for throwing...
[16:36] waku
    Wow, those things are powerful!
[16:40] kiri
    Wakura-senpai?
[16:45] waku
    Just kidding.
[16:49] kiri
    We did it!
[16:54] kiri
    What do you want?
[16:56] kiri
    Why are you doing this?
[16:58] ban
    Kirishima-senpai, we're under no
    obligation to ask for his motivations.
[17:02] mon
    I'll tell you!
[17:03] dogo
    Hey, whoa, he just started talking!
[17:07] mon
    I was once happy.
[17:10] mon
    But one day, I became unhappy.
[17:13] mon
    Anger and fear. I didn't want to grow up.
[17:13] kiri
    Any idea what he's talking about?
[17:14] mon
    The older I got, the dirtier
    and uglier I would become.
[17:15] dogo
    Not a clue.
[17:15] ban
    Clueless.
[17:16] waku
    You think he's just throwing
    a tantrum or something?
[17:17] mon
    I didn't want to change.
    I wanted to remain a child.
[17:19] mon
    No! I'm generously sharing
    my fear with others!
[17:23] kiri
    Uh, I don't think anyone
    wants a piece of that...
[17:25] mon
    Shut up!
[17:28] shu
    But, hey...
[17:30] shu
    Aren't fear and unhappiness
    and such relative?
[17:34] kiri
    Kyotaro, what are you doing?
[17:36] dogo
    I had a feeling one of us wasn't in the shot...
[17:39] ban
    I thought the layout artists flubbed it.
[17:41] waku
    Just watching, huh?
[17:43] shu
    I was rooting for you. Inside.
[17:46] kiri
    Even after transforming,
    Kyotaro's still Kyotaro...
[17:50] karl
    Wait! Let's hear what Fiore Kiss has to say!
[17:53] dogo
    Fiore?
[17:57] shu
    Well, if you're happy,
    you'll think happiness is best, right?
[18:00] mon
    Shut up! Happiness is the
    first step to depravity!
[18:03] mon
    Fear brings people together!
[18:05] mon
    It makes them take action out
    of anger and dissatisfaction!
[18:07] shu
    Yeah, but I hate being brought together.
[18:10] shu
    Being alone is easier.
[18:13] ban
    He has a point, sort of...
[18:15] dogo
    He's being pretty blunt about it.
[18:17] shu
    So what's wrong with being happy?
[18:19] shu
    Even if it's depravity.
[18:20] mon
    What's this? My fear isn't working...
[18:24] shu
    Well, "blorf" isn't exactly terror-inspiring...
[18:27] kiri
    Kyotaro doesn't have any
    hang-ups at all, does he?
[18:30] mon
    Hang-ups?
[18:32] mon
    You call this a hang-up?
[18:34] karl
    Now, my knights!
[18:36] karl
    Make him happy at once!
[18:43] shu
    Huh? Why are you looking at me?
[18:45] kiri
    Couldn't you help us out a little?
[18:47] ban
    You sound like a wife
    nagging her lazy husband...
[18:49] dogo
    I mean, come on! You got the
    cool red uniform and all!
[18:53] shu
    Being in red doesn't mean
    anything in particular.
[18:56] ban
    In most stories, being red
    means you're the leader.
[19:00] ban
    Red brings to mind sun, flame,
    heat, blazing blood, etc.
[19:04] ban
    That's one theory for why
    it's the leader color.
[19:07] ban
    Another theory suggests that red is the
    first color that a child's eye perceives,
[19:12] ban
    and so they use red, since children
    are more likely to recognize it.
[19:17] kiri
    That's our Taishi.
[19:19] kiri
    He's a font of old lady trivia.
[19:20] ban
    I'm not an old lady!
[19:22] dogo
    Anyway, red has to be the leader.
[19:25] dogo
    Now... Kyotaro-senpai,
    beat that thing already!
[19:29] shu
    Well, I mean, I really don't
    think red is my color...
[19:34] kiri
    I wonder why Kyotaro is our Red, anyway...
[19:37] waku
    Maybe because he was first
    to make the oath kiss?
[19:41] waku
    But since Kyotaro is Red,
    I think it's time he showed his stuff.
[19:44] shu
    I'm not Red. But I guess this
    won't end until I do it.
[19:48] karl
    Now, combine your powers to make him happy!
[19:52] karl
    Are you happy?
[19:53] karl
    Yes!
[19:54] karl
    Are you happy?
[19:55] karl
    Yes!
[19:55] karl
    Are you happy?
[19:56] karl
    Yes!
[19:57] karl
    Are you happy?
[19:58] karl
    Yes!
[19:58] karl
    Are you happy?
[19:59] karl
    Yes!
[20:00] karl
    Let's happy hour!
[20:03] all
    Happy and Set!
[20:16] shu
    Return to happiness!
[20:19] shu
    Happy and Turn!
[20:30] mon
    Feels just like heaven!
[20:38] shu
    Happy End!
[20:41] etsu
    What was I...
[20:44] shu
    So your fear was about your voice changing?
[20:47] shu
    No need to worry about that.
[20:50] shu
    Soon enough, you'll become an
    old man in every way there is.
[20:53] shu
    Not just your voice.
[20:55] etsu
    Old man?
[21:06] shu
    I was trying to encourage him...
[21:08] kiri
    You messed up.
[21:10] waku
    But maybe it's a good chance for
    him to learn more about himself.
[21:15] karl
    Yeah! Because "happy" isn't
    something you search for!
[21:17] karl
    It's something you feel!
[21:19] karl
    You did a great job for your
    first time as magic knights.
[21:22] karl
    Let's work together from now on!
[21:25] ban
    From now on?
[21:26] dogo
    How long do we do this, exactly?
[21:27] karl
    Until either Furanui or I become king,
    and your sentence...
[21:32] karl
    I mean, your contract is fulfilled
    and your Happybraces disappear.
[21:35] dogo
    Happybraces?
[21:36] ban
    Furanui?
[21:38] karl
    Happybraces are those bracelets from before!
[21:42] karl
    Furanui is my little brother.
[21:44] kura
    Brother?
[21:45] fra
    Prince Karls.
[21:49] fra
    I shan't let you defeat me.
[21:52] fra
    I am the true heir to the
    throne of Honyala Land,
[21:54] fra
    and better suited to rule over our subjects.
[21:57] dogo
    Oh wow, so cute!
[21:59] ban
    Though what he's saying is fairly outrageous.
[22:09] fura
    If you attempt to stand against me...
[22:12] fura
    I shall do all I can to eliminate you.
[22:15] fura
    With the Furanui Knights... the Edelstein!
SIGN    HAPPY Recipe
SIGN    Next Episode
SIGN    Next time: "Let's happy kiss our way to HAPPY Recipe"
SIGN    Princes Karls and Furanui compete to become king of the magical realm, Honyala Land.
SIGN    Happyocracy or reign of fear... Which will rule in the human world?
SIGN