1 - Fortune Is Unpredictable and Mutable

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    One Bowl of Tea on Rice
[00:08] Naka
    One bowl of tea on rice...
[00:15] Naka
    Pickled plums, slivered nori,
[00:17] Naka
    and leftover chicken from dinner...
[00:20] Naka
    All doused in piping-hot water,
[00:23] Naka
    then shoveled in with salted kelp...
[00:28] Naka
    That was so good...
[00:30] Naka
    All those bowls of tea on rice I'd sneak
    into the kitchen to make at the orphanage...
[00:40] Naka
    Ow!
[00:42] Naka
    Damn it...
[00:43] Naka
    I'm gonna die of hunger.
[00:48] Naka
    My name is Atsushi.
SIGN    Episode 1:
    Fortune Is Unpredictable
    and Mutable
[00:50] Naka
    Due to certain circumstances,
    I'm about to die from starvation.
[00:57] Naka
    After being driven out of the orphanage,
[00:59] Naka
    I had nothing to eat, nowhere to sleep,
[01:01] Naka
    and, as one might expect,
    not a cent to my name.
[01:04] Naka
    Yet, I lack the courage to commit theft.
[01:07] Naka
    That is how I've arrived at
    my current predicament...
[01:11] Naka
    However...
[01:13] Naka
    If I wish to live,
[01:15] Naka
    I have no choice but to
    steal and take from others!
[01:18] (Flashback) Man
    Get out, you good-for-nothing!
[01:20] (Flashback) Man
    No orphanage would welcome the likes of you!
[01:22] (Flashback) Woman
    The world would be a better place
[01:24] (Flashback) Woman
    if you'd just die in a ditch somewhere!
[01:26] Naka
    Shut up...
[01:28] Naka
    Shut up!
[01:29] Naka
    Shut up!
[01:31] Naka
    Shut up!
[01:35] Naka
    Die in a ditch?
[01:37] Naka
    I'm not gonna die!
[01:40] Naka
    I'm gonna live, no matter what it takes!
[01:42] Naka
    Okay...
[01:43] Naka
    I'll rush the first person who comes along
[01:45] Naka
    and rob them of everything they've got!
[01:52] Naka
    Well, that was mission impossible.
[01:54] Naka
    I can't catch him on an empty stomach...
[01:56] Naka
    Next!
[01:57] Army
    One, two, three, four!
[02:00] Army
    One, two, three, four!
[02:02] Naka
    I... I doubt military police'd be
    toting their wallets during training.
[02:06] Naka
    But the next person who
    comes along... for sure!
[02:11] Naka
    I've got this!
[02:15] Naka
    Well...
[02:17] Naka
    I can't possibly count him.
[02:22] Naka
    Y-Yeah, I'll pass, please.
[02:26] Naka
    I... I'll pass...
[02:30] Naka
    Fine!
SIGN    In the end...
SIGN    ...I saved a life?
[02:50] Naka
    You were floating down the river...
[02:52] Naka
    Are you okay?
[02:55] Dazai
    I made it.
[02:58] Dazai
    Damn.
[02:59] Naka
    "Damn"?
[03:01] Naka
    Did he just say "damn"?
[03:03] Dazai
    Are you the one who
    interrupted my submersion?
[03:07] Naka
    I was just trying to help.
[03:10] Naka
    Huh?
[03:11] Naka
    Submersion?
SIGN    Submersion...
[03:12] Dazai
    You don't know what I mean by that?
[03:14] Dazai
    I was trying to commit suicide.
SIGN    S-Suicide?!
SIGN    ...Suicide?
[03:18] Dazai
    That's right.
SIGN    I was trying to kill myself.
[03:21] Dazai
    But you just had to interfere...
SIGN    Why...
SIGN    ...am I being lectured?
SIGN    Wait, is he scolding me for saving him?
[03:28] Dazai
    Still, my priority is to
    commit a clean suicide
[03:30] Dazai
    without being a burden to anyone.
[03:34] Dazai
    Yet I did trouble you,
[03:36] Dazai
    so the fault lies with me at this point.
[03:38] Dazai
    I should apologize in some way.
SIGN    Growl
[03:41] Dazai
    Are you hungry, boy?
[03:43] Naka
    Well..
[03:45] Naka
    I haven't eaten in several days.
SIGN    Growl
[03:48] Naka
    Ugh...
[03:50] Dazai
    How odd.
[03:51] Dazai
    I'm also hungry.
[03:53] Naka
    Then...
[03:54] Dazai
    By the way, the river seems
    to have taken my wallet.
[03:58] Naka
    You've got to be kidding...
[03:59] Kuni
    There you are, blockhead!
[04:03] Dazai
    Oh, hey.
[04:05] Dazai
    Nice work, Kunikida-kun.
[04:08] Kuni
    Nice work?
[04:10] Kuni
    And just who caused all this work,
[04:12] Kuni
    you suicidal maniac?!
[04:14] Kuni
    I've had enough of you disrupting my schedule!
[04:16] Dazai
    Oh, right!
[04:17] Dazai
    I have a great idea.
[04:19] Dazai
    He's a colleague of mine from work.
[04:21] Dazai
    Let's have him treat you to a meal.
[04:23] Kuni
    Are you even listening to me?!
[04:25] Dazai
    What's your name?
[04:28] Naka
    Huh?
[04:29] Naka
    Nakajima... Atsushi.
[04:31] Dazai
    Well, come along, Atsushi-kun!
[04:34] Dazai
    What would you like to eat?
[04:37] Naka
    Um...
[04:39] Naka
    Well, if it's not too much trouble...
[04:40] Dazai
    Oh, there's no need to hold back!
[04:43] Naka
    I'd like to eat tea on rice...
[04:51] Dazai
    So a boy on the brink of starvation
    wants to eat tea on rice?
[04:54] Dazai
    Very well, let's have Kunikida-kun
    treat you to thirty bowls of that!
[04:59] Kuni
    Don't get all generous with my money, Dazai!
[05:02] Naka
    Dazai?
[05:04] Dazai
    Yeah, that's my name.
[05:14] Dazai
    I am Dazai.
[05:17] Dazai
    Dazai Osamu.
[05:28] Kuni
    You're unbelievable.
[05:31] Kuni
    Who goes "that's a nice river"
[05:34] Kuni
    and jumps into it in the middle of a job?!
[05:36] Kuni
    Thanks to you, look!
[05:38] Kuni
    Look how off-schedule we are now!
[05:40] Dazai
    You sure like your schedules, Kunikida-kun.
SIGN    Ideal
[05:45] Kuni
    This isn't a schedule!
[05:47] Kuni
    This is an ideal!
[05:48] Kuni
    My guide in life!
[05:51] Kuni
    And nowhere in this book
[05:52] Kuni
    is it written that my work partner
     is a suicidal maniac!
[05:57] Kuni
    Shut up!
[05:59] Kuni
    Nowhere on my projected expenses
    page will you find written
[06:01] Kuni
    that I will buy a million bowls of
     tea on rice for a snot-nosed brat!
[06:07] Kuni
    Like I said, it's a job!
[06:10] Kuni
    Our job today?
[06:12] Kuni
    It involves the military.
[06:14] Dazai
    How are you two communicating, actually?
[06:19] Naka
    I'm so full.
[06:22] Naka
    I don't want to see another bowl
    of this for at least ten years.
[06:24] Kuni
    Why, you...
[06:26] Kuni
    How dare you be so shameless
    after eating on my dime?
[06:30] Naka
    You're a real lifesaver.
[06:33] Naka
    After leaving the orphanage
    and coming to Yokohama,
[06:36] Naka
    I've had nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep.
[06:39] Naka
    I thought I'd die of starvation.
[06:40] Dazai
    You're from an orphanage?
[06:43] Naka
    Putting it one way, yes.
[06:45] Naka
    But they kicked me out.
[06:47] Dazai
    That's some non-profit there.
[06:50] Kuni
    Hey, Dazai!
[06:51] Kuni
    We're not some philanthropists going around
    helping brats down on their luck, okay?
[06:55] Kuni
    Let's get back to the job at hand.
SIGN    Ideal
[06:56] Naka
    That reminds me, you said earlier that
    your current job involves the military.
[07:01] Naka
    What is your line of work, exactly?
[07:02] Dazai
    Oh, we're just private investigators.
[07:06] Naka
    Private investigators...?
[07:07] Kuni
    That's not to say we only handle lost pets
     and alleged extramarital affairs.
[07:11] Kuni
    Perhaps you've heard of the
    Armed Detective Agency,
[07:13] Kuni
    an organization with individuals
    possessing supernatural powers?
[07:16] Naka
    What?
[07:19] Naka
    I've heard of this Armed
    Detective Agency in rumors...
[07:25] Naka
    Said to be an agency
    specializing in objectives
[07:27] Naka
    that cannot be entrusted to the
    likes of the police or the military...
[07:30] Naka
    A twilight armed force positioned
    between the world of night and day...
[07:39] Naka
    I'm told many from the Agency
    possess supernatural powers...
[07:45] Naka
    but does that also apply to these two?
[07:50] Dazai
    Check out that nice beam up there.
[07:54] Kuni
    Don't analyze whether you can hang yourself
    in a random teahouse we just stumbled into!
[07:57] Dazai
    Don't get me wrong.
[07:58] Dazai
    We're talking the hanging health method.
[08:00] Kuni
    What's that about?
[08:02] Dazai
    What, you don't know?!
[08:04] Dazai
    It's so good for shoulder cramps!
[08:06] Kuni
    What?!
[08:06] Kuni
    Such a thing exists?!
[08:08] Dazai
    Hey, write this all down!
[08:11] Kuni
    Hanging... health... method...
[08:15] Dazai
    I'm messing with you.
[08:17] Naka
    A-Are these two seriously with
    the Armed Detective Agency?
[08:20] Dazai
    My partner gets himself washed up in a river,
[08:22] Dazai
    and a brat on death's door just
    stuffs himself with no shame.
[08:25] Dazai
    My schedule for the day was just perfect,
[08:28] Dazai
    but I have to start over from square one!
[08:28] Naka
    So, about your job today...
[08:29] Dazai
    I'll ensure that the job will be
    completed on schedule, if nothing else!
[08:32] Kuni
    Yeah?!
[08:33] Naka
    Sorry, I shouldn't have asked!
[08:36] Naka
    R-Right, of course your jobs are classified!
[08:41] Kuni
    Today's job doesn't really require secrecy.
[08:45] Kuni
    We're looking for a certain
    tiger on behest of the military.
[08:49] Naka
    A tiger?
[08:50] Dazai
    A man-eater who's recently
    appeared in these parts.
[08:54] Dazai
    Well, not that we know for
    sure it's devoured anyone,
[08:56] Dazai
    but it's ransacked warehouses and
    eaten farm produce and the like,
[08:59] Dazai
    doing whatever it wants.
[09:01] Dazai
    It's been spotted around here lately.
[09:06] Dazai
    What's wrong, Atsushi-kun?
[09:08] Naka
    I... I... I'll be leaving now.
[09:11] Naka
    G-Good-bye.
[09:12] Kuni
    Wait, brat!
[09:15] Kuni
    You know something, don't you?
[09:21] Naka
    You can't.
[09:23] Naka
    No one can take it on!
[09:25] Kuni
    You know the man-eating tiger?
[09:28] Naka
    It's after me.
[09:30] Naka
    It almost killed me!
[09:32] Naka
    If it's been seen around here,
[09:33] Naka
    I have to run, now!
[09:39] Kuni
    Hey, brat!
[09:40] Kuni
    You'll either pay for the food with
    your arm or by telling us everything.
[09:43] Dazai
    Now, now, Kunikida-kun.
[09:45] Dazai
    Whenever you try to ask questions,
[09:48] Dazai
    it becomes an interrogation.
[09:49] Dazai
    The CEO's been talking to you about this.
[09:53] Dazai
    And...
[09:55] Dazai
    what do you know about this tiger?
[09:59] Naka
    My orphanage was trashed by that tiger.
[10:03] Naka
    It ravaged our fields,
[10:05] Naka
    it ravaged our chicken coop,
[10:07] Naka
    and even our warehouse.
[10:09] Naka
    No one died, sure,
[10:13] Naka
    but the orphanage was already
    on a shoestring budget.
[10:17] Naka
    I got kicked out so that they
    had one less mouth to feed.
[10:19] (Flashback) Man
    Get out, you good-for-nothing!
[10:21] (Flashback) Woman
    The world would be a better place if
    you'd just die in a ditch somewhere!
[10:24] (Flashback) Naka
    Why me? I didn't do anything...
[10:26] (Flashback) Man
    We don't need worthless louts!
[10:29] (Flashback) Man
    You'll never find a place where you belong!
[10:33] (Flashback) Man
    Just go! I hope you rot in hell!
[10:38] Dazai
    Well, that's tragic.
[10:41] Kuni
    So, boy, what's this talk about
     the tiger almost killing you?
[10:45] Naka
    The man-eater always shows up wherever I go.
[10:52] Naka
    Just a while ago, when I was
    walking around Tsurumi...
[11:09] Man
    It's a tiger!
[11:10] Man
    There's a tiger!
[11:14] Naka
    I'd seen it out of the corner
    of my eyes many times,
[11:17] Naka
    starting two weeks before I was
    chased out of the orphanage.
[11:19] Naka
    I'm sure it's come all the way
    to the city in search of me.
[11:22] Dazai
    When was the last time you saw the tiger?
[11:27] Naka
    I think I saw it around Tsurumi
[11:30] Naka
    about four days ago.
[11:31] Kuni
    It's true that its antics have been
    focused here for the past two weeks.
[11:36] Kuni
    In addition, it was sighted
    around Tsurumi four days ago.
[11:43] Dazai
    Atsushi-kun, are you free?
[11:46] Naka
    I have a really bad feeling about this...
[11:49] Dazai
    You being the man-eater's target
    presents an excellent opportunity.
[11:53] Naka
    Huh?
[11:54] Dazai
    Please help us find the tiger.
[11:56] Naka
    No way!
[11:57] Dazai
    Kunikida-kun, please go back to the
    Agency and give this to the president.
[12:00] Kuni
    Hey, don't tell me you plan to catch the
    tiger all alone with the two of you?
[12:02] Kuni
    We should first confirm whether
    his information is accurate.
[12:05] Dazai
    It's fine.
[12:09] Naka
    I'm not doing this, okay?!
[12:11] Naka
    This means you're going
    to use me as bait, right?
[12:13] Naka
    Who in their right mind would agree to that—
[12:14] Dazai
    There's a reward.
SIGN    Currently penniless.
[12:17] Naka
    What? Reward?
[12:19] Naka
    A reward?
[12:21] Naka
    Nah...
[12:23] Naka
    You're not gonna tempt me with that!
[12:25] Naka
    B-But just for reference,
[12:28] Naka
    how much would the reward be...?
[12:31] Dazai
    About this much.
[12:47] Naka
    Dazai-san, what are you reading?
[12:51] Dazai
    A good book.
[12:53] Naka
    I'm surprised you can
    read when it's this dark.
[12:55] Dazai
    I have good vision.
SIGN    Complete
    Guide to Suicide
[12:57] Dazai
    Besides, I already know everything
     that happens in this book.
[13:01] Naka
    Why are you reading it, then?
[13:04] Dazai
    A good book is always good, no matter
    how many times you've already read it.
[13:11] Naka
    Will the tiger really show up here?
[13:14] Dazai
    It will.
[13:17] Dazai
    Don't worry.
[13:21] Dazai
    Even if it shows up, it's no match for me.
[13:25] Dazai
    I may not look like much,
[13:26] Dazai
    but I am an operative of
    the Armed Detective Agency.
[13:29] Naka
    You're really confident.
[13:31] Naka
    I'm kind of jealous.
[13:34] Naka
    They called me a good-for-nothing at the
     orphanage as far back as I can remember.
[13:38] Naka
    And now, I don't even know where I'll sleep tonight
     or whether I'll be able to earn my keep tomorrow.
[13:43] (Flashback) Man
    Get out, you good-for-nothing!
[13:44] (Flashback) Man
    You'll never find a place where you belong!
[13:50] Naka
    No one'd care if someone like me
    were to die in a ditch somewhere.
[13:54] Naka
    Yeah, I may be better off eaten by a tiger...
[14:01] Dazai
    Well, then...
[14:03] Dazai
    I think it'll be soon.
[14:05] Naka
    What?!
[14:08] Naka
    I... I just heard something back there.
[14:10] Dazai
    Yeah.
[14:11] Naka
    I bet that's the tiger, Dazai-san!
[14:13] Dazai
    No, I think the wind just
    knocked something down.
[14:17] Naka
    It's the man-eater!
[14:18] Naka
    It's come to eat me!
[14:20] Dazai
    Calm down, Atsushi-kun.
[14:23] Dazai
    Tigers don't show up from places like that.
[14:26] Naka
    How do you know for sure?!
[14:27] Dazai
    Something wasn't quite right to begin with.
[14:31] Dazai
    Just because their finances went south,
[14:33] Dazai
    why would an orphanage banish a child?
[14:37] Dazai
    It's not some farming
    village from a bygone era.
[14:39] Dazai
    Banishing one or two mouths to feed would
    hardly put a dent in their deficit.
[14:45] Dazai
    It'd make more sense to downsize
[14:47] Dazai
    by transferring half of the kids
     to a different orphanage.
[14:53] Naka
    What are you talking about, Dazai-san?
[14:57] Dazai
    You came to this city two weeks ago...
[15:00] Dazai
    The tiger also appeared in
    this city two weeks ago.
[15:05] Dazai
    You were in the Tsurumi area four days ago.
[15:09] Dazai
    The tiger was also sighted
    there four days ago.
[15:14] Dazai
    Remember what Kunikida-kun said?
[15:16] Dazai
    The Armed Detective Agency is comprised
    of individuals with supernatural powers.
[15:21] Dazai
    Though not a well-known fact,
[15:23] Dazai
    there are quite a few individuals who
    possess supernatural abilities in this world.
[15:29] Dazai
    Some use their powers to
    achieve great success,
[15:32] Dazai
    while others fall into ruin as a result
    of being unable to control their powers.
[15:39] Dazai
    I'm guessing that the orphanage
    staff knew who the tiger was,
[15:43] Dazai
    but declined to enlighten you.
[15:46] Dazai
    You were the only one who remained ignorant.
[15:48] Dazai
    You also have supernatural powers.
[15:52] Dazai
    You have the ability to transform
    into a wild beast in the moonlight.
[16:06] Dazai
    This is impressive.
[16:08] Dazai
    You could easily...
[16:13] Dazai
    snap a person's neck.
[16:20] Dazai
    It wouldn't be so bad to meet one's end
[16:23] Dazai
    being eaten by a beast,
[16:26] Dazai
    but you can't kill me.
[16:30] Dazai
    My ability is...
[16:31] Sign 1633
    No Longer Human
[16:32] Dazai
    No Longer Human.
[16:43] Dazai
    My ability allows me to render
    any other ability null
[16:47] Dazai
    through simple touch.
[17:03] Dazai
    I have no such tastes in men.
SIGN    Thud
[17:07] Kuni
    Hey, Dazai!
[17:09] Dazai
    Oh, you're late, Kunikida-kun.
[17:12] Dazai
    I've captured the tiger.
[17:14] Kuni
    What, it's this boy?
[17:17] Dazai
    He has the ability to transform into a tiger.
[17:20] Kuni
    Jeez.
[17:23] Kuni
    What was with this note?
[17:25] Dazai
    "A tiger will appear in the warehouse
    in the fifteenth district."
[17:28] Dazai
    "Secure the perimeter so
    that it can't get away."
[17:30] Dazai
    It's an excellent, concise note.
[17:33] Kuni
    You've left out the most important detail!
[17:35] Kuni
    Next time, explain in advance.
[17:37] Kuni
    Thanks to you, I had to bring in
    guys who weren't even on call.
[17:40] Kuni
    Take them out for drinks later.
[17:42] Kenji
    Hey!
SIGN    Yosano Akiko
SIGN    Ability:
     Thou Shalt Not Die
[17:47] Yosa
    What, no casualties?
[17:50] Yosa
    How boring.
SIGN    Edogawa Rampo
SIGN    Ability:
    Ultra-Deduction
[17:52] Rampo
    You've come a long way, Dazai.
[17:55] Rampo
    Though you still have a ways to go
    before you even come close to me.
SIGN    Miyazawa Kenji
SIGN    Ability: Be Not
     Defeated by the Rain
[17:58] Kenji
    But what are we going to do with him?
[18:02] Kenji
    He didn't know he was doing it, right?
[18:04] Kuni
    Yeah, you're right.
SIGN    Kunikida Doppo
SIGN    Ability: Doppo Poet
[18:07] Kuni
    What do you think, Dazai?
[18:08] Kuni
    The ward's designated him as a major threat.
SIGN    Dazai Osamu
SIGN    Ability:
     No Longer Human
[18:14] Dazai
    I've already made a decision.
[18:25] (Flashback) Naka
    They called me a good-for-nothing at the
     orphanage as far back as I can remember.
[18:29] (Flashback) Naka
    And now, I don't even know where I'll sleep tonight
     or whether I'll be able to earn my keep tomorrow.
[18:34] (Flashback) Naka
    No one'd care if someone like me
    were to die in a ditch somewhere.
[18:39] (Flashback) Naka
    Yeah, I may be better
    off eaten by a tiger...
[18:47] Dazai
    We'll make him one of us.
[18:49] Kenji
    Nice!
[18:49] Yosa
    Are you serious?
[18:51] Rampo
    Dazai, you are an idiot.
[18:55] Kuni
    What gives you the right to decide that?
[18:56] Kenji
    There, there.
[18:57] Dazai
    Wake up, boy!
[19:00] Dazai
    Here, in a city teeming
    with the supernatural...
[19:03] Dazai
    Here, in a detective agency
    teeming with eccentrics...
[19:07] Dazai
    A strange tale is about to unfold.
[19:10] Dazai
    This is only a sign of things to come...
    A premonition, if you will.
[19:15] Dazai
    Now...
[19:19] Naka
    Huh?
[19:24] Naka
    I...
[19:26] Dazai
    Atsushi-kun.
[19:28] Dazai
    Do you remember nothing at all
     from when you were transformed?
[19:32] Naka
    What are you talking about?
[19:34] Dazai
    Oh.
[19:35] Dazai
    But your right hand's still there.
[19:37] Naka
    Right hand?
[19:46] Naka
    What?!
SIGN    Nakajima Atsushi
SIGN    Ability: Beast Beneath The Moonlight
[19:49] Naka
    What the?
[19:49] Naka
    What's this?
[19:51] Naka
    What the hell?!
[19:53] Dazai
    Nakajima Atsushi!
[19:57] Dazai
    You'll become one of us.
[20:01] Dazai
    From this day forth, you'll be a member
     of the Armed Detective Agency.
[20:08] Naka
    Huh?
[21:44] Naka
    It's been a long time since
    I've slept on a futon.
[21:46] Naka
    I feel reborn...
[21:48] Kuni
    Hey, brat.
[21:49] Kuni
    There's an emergency.
[21:50] Kuni
    Hightail it over to the detective agency.
[21:52] Naka
    An emergency?
[21:54] Kuni
    A bomber's taken a hostage and
     holed himself up in our office.
[21:57] Naka
    I don't want to go!
[22:00] Naka
    Next time on Bungo Stray Dogs, episode 2:
SIGN    Episode 2:
    A Certain Bomb
[22:04] Naka
    "A Certain Bomb."
[22:06] Kuni
    Ability: Doppo Poet.
SIGN    Wire Gun