30 - Slap the Stick & Addict

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    That café—
[00:03] Atsushi
    That café is on the first floor of the
    building where our detective agency is.
SIGN    Uzumaki
[00:09] Atsushi
    Agency members often spend
    their breaks there.
[00:20] Atsushi
    We have a new job, everyone!
[00:22] Atsushi
    Is anyone interested?
[00:24] Dazai
    Pass.
[00:27] Tanizaki
    I guess this is our reaction.
[00:29] Ranpo
    Yeah, our reaction.
[00:31] Yosano
    Definitely our reaction.
[00:33] Atsushi
    Your reaction?
[00:35] Dazai
    We're burned-out.
[00:39] Dazai
    The Guild battles were the
    biggest since we were founded.
[00:47] Dazai
    I'm so glad we managed to keep the
    Moby Dick from crashing into Yokohama.
[00:58] Dazai
    Not to mention...
SIGN    Giant Flying Object Over Yokohama
SIGN    Crashes Into Port!
[01:00] Dazai
    Thanks to that, you're famous.
[01:03] Atsushi
    That wasn't my intention.
[01:06] Dazai
    It's fine.
[01:08] Dazai
    Recognition only brings more trouble.
[01:17] Atsushi
    Huh?
[01:18] Atsushi
    Where's Kunikida-san?
[01:20] Dazai
    Kunikida-kun's upstairs.
[01:23] Dazai
    He's more gung-ho than ever.
[01:26] Dazai
    More coffee, please.
[01:28] Waitress
    Coming.
[01:29] Ranpo
    Curry for me.
[01:30] Ranpo
    Sweet.
[01:31] Waitress
    All right.
[01:32] Yosano
    Something that'll pick me up.
[01:34] Waitress
    Are you hung over?
[01:36] Atsushi
    Sorry for causing you so
    much trouble all the time.
[01:38] Waitress
    Not at all.
[01:39] Waitress
    The only trouble, really,
    is Dazai-san's tab.
[01:44] Waitress
    At least buy life insurance
    before you die, please.
[01:48] Dazai
    Your will to live...
[01:50] Dazai
    You're an amazing lady.
[01:55] Atsushi
    Also, we had a report from
    the military police.
[01:58] Atsushi
    Foreign organizations are coming in,
[02:00] Atsushi
    hoping to take what the Guild
    left behind when it collapsed.
[02:04] Ranpo
    I doubt they're that interesting.
[02:07] Atsushi
    Still, I saw a Guild straggler
    in this area yesterday, too.
[02:21] Atsushi
    She got away,
[02:23] Atsushi
    but she was holding a
    metal box of some kind.
[02:28] Atsushi
    I hope she isn't teaming
    up with the criminal organizations
[02:32] Atsushi
    to take revenge on us by
    bombing this building or something.
[02:34] Waitress
    Is this café in danger, too, then?
[02:39] Owner
    Danger is like the bitterness of coffee.
[02:43] Owner
    For those ready for it, it is savory.
[02:47] Tanizaki
    That's the café owner for you.
[02:49] Tanizaki
    You can believe he's been doing
    coffee for thirty years.
[02:51] Ranpo
    The smell of coffee doesn't come
    off his hands, even with soap.
[02:56] Owner
    That's all I've got going for me.
[02:59] Tanizaki
    Badass!
[03:00] Yosano
    The awkward elite type!
[03:03] Yosano
    Coffee man!
[04:36] Dazai
    We're here every day.
[04:38] Dazai
    It's the café's fault for being
     so close and so comfortable.
[04:47] Atsushi
    What happened here?
[04:50] Atsushi
    Manager!
[04:57] Yosano
    What happened here?
[05:01] Atsushi
    Dazai-san...
[05:02] Atsushi
    His fingers...
[05:04] Owner
    It's not too bad.
[05:08] Owner
    I'm glad you're all safe.
[05:26] Thumbnail
    We have no need for plans.
[05:29] Thumbnail
    Wreak havoc and instill fear,
[05:32] Thumbnail
    and the tiny Detective Agency
    will chirp like a baby bird
[05:37] Thumbnail
    and tell us where the Guild's property is.
[05:40] Guy A
    That's their only fear.
[05:43] Thumbnail
    Yeah.
[05:44] Thumbnail
    We collected a good piece today.
[05:47] Thumbnail
    It smells of coffee.
[05:50] Guy B
    The Armed Detective Agency is on the move.
[05:52] Thumbnail
    Are they looking for us?
[05:55] Thumbnail
    They shouldn't bother.
[05:57] Thumbnail
    In our organization, Zapallic,
[06:00] Thumbnail
    the heavier your guilt,
    the higher your rank.
[06:04] Thumbnail
    We move our hideouts every four days.
[06:06] Thumbnail
    Not even the international
    police can chase us down.
[06:08] Thumbnail
    Even if they found us here,
[06:11] Thumbnail
    we have heavily-armed violent
    criminals and security cameras.
[06:14] Thumbnail
    One phone call, and the local criminal
    organizations will be here right away.
[06:20] Thumbnail
    Also, that door.
[06:22] Thumbnail
    It's the heavy kind that's used in banks.
[06:25] Thumbnail
    A bomb wouldn't so much as tickle it.
[06:27] Thumbnail
    I hope you enjoy your—
[06:33] Thumbnail
    Impossible!
[06:35] Thumbnail
    There's no way you could
    have found our hideout!
[06:38] Dazai
    Rampo-san figured it out in five seconds.
[06:40] Thumbnail
    Th-The security cameras?
[06:49] Thumbnail
    The armed guards?
[06:55] Dazai
    We have to thank you.
[06:58] Dazai
    You've made work interesting again.
[07:01] Thumbnail
    Not yet!
[07:02] Thumbnail
    One phone call will bring all the
    local criminal organizations here!
[07:10] Phone
    Are you out of your mind?
[07:11] Phone
    You don't know anything about Yokohama!
[07:14] Phone
    Anger the Detective Agency,
    and you'll never survive!
[07:18] Phone
    We're out!
[07:27] Yosano
    I heard you like ripping people's nails off.
[07:31] Yosano
    You have exquisite taste.
[07:34] Yosano
    I finally get to have some fun.
SIGN    Gyaaa!
[07:51] Dazai
    This is so relaxing.
[07:54] Tanizaki
    I wonder what Guild property
    it was that they were after.
[07:57] Dazai
    There's no such thing.
[08:00] Dazai
    Even if there were, someone else
    would already have taken it.
[08:05] Dazai
    Those guys back there must have been
     fooled by the false leads they put out.
[08:18] Atsushi
    Oh, yeah, the Guild straggler...
[08:22] Owner
    Welcome back.
[08:27] Owner
    I'd like to introduce our
     new staff member, Lucy.
[08:40] Atsushi
    Why are you here?
[08:43] Lucy
    Because I feel like it!
[08:50] Atsushi
    A hacker?
[08:51] Kunikida
    We're about to meet with a
    talented information broker.
[08:54] Atsushi
    An extremely talented hacker...
[08:56] Kunikida
    He's a former Detective Agency member.
[08:59] Atsushi
    Do you know him?
[09:00] Kunikida
    A frenemy of sorts.
[09:03] Kunikida
    I'm going to have him take
    a look at this today.
[09:07] Atsushi
    The Moby Dick control console?
[09:10] Kunikida
    This is the issue.
[09:13] Kunikida
    This remote hijacking chip inside.
[09:16] Kunikida
    This is what tried to take control
[09:19] Kunikida
    of the Moby Dick during the chaos
    and plunge it into Yokohama.
[09:53] (Flashback) Atsushi
    No!
[09:54] (Flashback) Atsushi
    I haven't even done anything!
[09:56] (Flashback) Akutagawa
    Hand it over!
[10:02] Kunikida
    Whoever set this up took
    advantage of the Guild
[10:06] Kunikida
    and plotted to destroy Yokohama.
[10:09] Kunikida
    This chip is our only lead.
[10:11] Kunikida
    We have to drag the mastermind out of the
    shadows before they make their next move.
[10:18] Kunikida
    Katai! It's me! I'm coming in!
[10:21] Kunikida
    Why is there so much garbage?
[10:23] Kunikida
    There's not even
    enough space to walk!
[10:25] Kunikida
    Get out of your never-made bed
    for once and clean up your room!
[10:29] Kunikida
    You damn recluse!
[10:32] Katai
    I'm done for.
[10:35] Kunikida
    Not again.
[10:37] Kunikida
    What is it this time?
[10:39] Katai
    Outside my bed lies hell.
[10:42] Katai
    All that is beautiful is above the sky.
[10:45] Katai
    All that is enjoyable is beneath the sea.
[10:48] Atsushi
    Kunikida-san, is that him?
[10:51] Kunikida
    Yeah.
[10:52] Kunikida
    Katai's ability allows him to control machines
    in his sight without touching them.
[10:58] Kunikida
    He can process information several dozen
     times faster than a normal human.
[10:58] [SONG] Text
    Former Armed Detective
    Agency Member:
     Tayama Katai
SIGN    Special Ability:
    Futon
[11:01] Atsushi
    Several dozen times?
[11:02] Atsushi
    He controls all this?
[11:07] Kunikida
    It's enough for him to take
    on military cyberwarfare.
[11:10] Kunikida
    Although, apparently he can't concentrate
    unless he's where he feels most at home.
[11:15] Kunikida
    The only place he can use his
    ability is from inside that futon.
[11:20] Katai
    That, too, was long ago.
[11:22] Katai
    Now, my mind is shaken,
    and I can no longer use my ability.
[11:25] Katai
    I'm no more than the largest piece
    of compostable trash in this room.
[11:30] Kunikida
    You can't use your ability?!
[11:32] Kunikida
    Why not?
[11:33] Katai
    W-Well...
SIGN    Don't make noise in the hall
[11:38] Kunikida
    You're in love?!
[11:41] Katai
    Three days ago, I met
    someone who blew me away.
[11:47] Katai
    Her black, elegant hair...
[11:50] Katai
    Her standing figure, as graceful as a lily...
[11:52] Katai
    Her aura, as delicate as a dream or illusion...
[11:56] Katai
    She stole my heart, even from
    five hundred meters away.
[12:01] Kunikida
    Five hundred meters?
[12:03] Kunikida
    That's pretty far.
[12:04] Atsushi
    You've never really met her, then.
[12:06] Katai
    I was stunned by the sight of her.
[12:09] Katai
    I could only muster the strength
    to take a picture of her.
[12:16] Atsushi
    You're right, she's pretty.
[12:18] Katai
    Alas!
[12:19] Katai
    It is a love never to be!
[12:22] Katai
    Me, talk to women?
[12:24] Katai
    I'm better at bantering with moles.
[12:28] Katai
    Yoshiko is my only love!
[12:31] Atsushi
    Yoshiko?
[12:32] Kunikida
    That's the name of this futon.
[12:33] Atsushi
    Why does his futon have a name?
[12:39] Kunikida
    The investigation isn't going
    to get anywhere at this rate.
[12:45] Katai
    I see.
[12:50] Katai
    I understand, then.
[12:52] Katai
    How about this...
[12:56] Katai
    I ask...
[13:00] Katai
    the Detective Agency to find the
    black-haired elegant beauty.
[13:16] Higuchi
    Akutagawa-senpai!
[13:18] Higuchi
    On his way home from work!
[13:20] Higuchi
    Stay calm.
[13:22] Higuchi
    Hold it together, Higuchi.
[13:29] Higuchi
    Good work today, Senpai.
[13:31] Higuchi
    Shall I take you home?
[13:35] Higuchi
    That's it!
[13:37] Higuchi
    It's so casual!
[13:39] Higuchi
    He might be like...
[13:41] Akutagawa
    Want some tea?
[13:42] Higuchi
    And let me come in!
[13:50] Akutagawa
    Long time no see.
[13:52] Akutagawa
    Let's go home.
[14:13] Higuchi
    That woman...
[14:16] Higuchi
    Who is she?
[14:27] Higuchi
    Akutagawa-senpai met up with a woman,
    and they went home together.
[14:33] Higuchi
    No, there must be a reason for this.
[14:37] Higuchi
    Yeah.
[14:38] Higuchi
    This is a conspiracy.
[14:40] Higuchi
    An enemy assassin?
[14:41] Higuchi
    A secret agent?
[14:43] Higuchi
    Either way, I need to expose her and
    stop the conspiracy against my superior.
[14:49] Higuchi
    Yeah.
[14:50] Higuchi
    This isn't a matter of personal interest.
[14:52] Higuchi
    It's a mission.
[14:54] Higuchi
    I saw them around here yesterday.
[14:59] Higuchi
    The Armed Detective Agency!
[15:01] Higuchi
    Why are they here?
[15:03] Higuchi
    That photo the weretiger is holding!
[15:06] Higuchi
    It's that woman!
[15:07] Higuchi
    She's connected to the
    Armed Detective Agency.
[15:10] Higuchi
    But this is no time to confront them.
[15:15] (Flashback) Ougai
    I forbid any animosity against the Armed
    Detective Agency for the foreseeable future.
[15:21] (Flashback) Higuchi
    But the Guild has already been dissolved.
[15:24] (Flashback) Higuchi
    It would seem impossible to avoid further
    friction with the Detective Agency.
[15:28] (Flashback) Ougai
    Believe it or not, as the boss, I have my plans.
[15:31] (Flashback) Ougai
    Trust me.
[15:33] (Flashback) Higuchi
    Understood.
[15:35] (Flashback) Ougai
    The same instruction applies
    strictly to all members.
[15:38] (Flashback) Ougai
    Gin-kun, hand this to all our units.
[15:48] Higuchi
    Why did the boss say such a thing?
[15:52] Higuchi
    I don't want that puny Detective
    Agency looking down on us!
[15:55] Kunikida
    Did you need something from us?
[15:58] Kunikida
    What does the Port Mafia want?
[16:00] Kunikida
    Our president has instructed us
    to avoid conflict with you.
[16:04] Kunikida
    But, depending on the
    circumstances, I'm game.
SIGN    Ideals
[16:08] Higuchi
    Two against one,
    and they're experienced in battle.
[16:11] Higuchi
    The situation couldn't be worse.
[16:13] Higuchi
    But I do this for my senpai.
[16:17] Higuchi
    No matter what it takes, I'm going to
    get the information out of them!
[16:25] Higuchi
    Please, tell me about the woman
    in the photo you're holding!
[16:31] Atsushi
    What?!
[16:35] Atsushi
    I don't know what to tell you.
[16:38] Atsushi
    We don't know anything about her, either.
[16:43] Atsushi
    We're trying to find her
    to deliver a love letter.
[16:45] Higuchi
    A love letter?
[16:47] Higuchi
    The weretiger's surprisingly bold.
[16:51] Higuchi
    Hold on...
SIGN    The weretiger
     hands her the
    love letter
SIGN    Akutagawa-senpai
     breaks up with
    the woman
SIGN    And, somehow or
     another.... profit <3
[17:00] Higuchi
    Nice!
[17:02] Higuchi
    I'm rooting for you.
[17:04] Higuchi
    Women like to be approached forcefully,
[17:07] Higuchi
    but I think you should tidy up your bangs.
[17:09] Higuchi
    Have your clothes tailored, too.
[17:11] Katai
    He's not the one delivering the love letter!
[17:17] Katai
    I must see the outcome
    of my passion to the end.
[17:21] Kunikida
    Katai.
[17:22] Atsushi
    Why did he bring his futon?
[17:24] Higuchi
    So its your letter?
[17:27] Higuchi
    You seem, like, even more
    hopeless than the weretiger.
[17:31] Katai
    Silence!
[17:34] Katai
    My love is deeper than any other.
[17:37] Katai
    Besides, you are Port Mafia, are you not?
[17:41] Katai
    I, Katai, may have left the
    Armed Detective Agency,
[17:44] Katai
    but I have no interest in making
    friends with criminals!
[17:49] Higuchi
    Weretiger, why is he yelling
    in that direction?
[17:54] Atsushi
    He really is bad at talking to women.
[18:00] Atsushi
    There she is.
[18:01] Katai
    What?!
SIGN    Motomachi Cleaning
[18:07] Katai
    The elegant beauty!
[18:10] Higuchi
    She came out of the dry cleaner's.
[18:12] Higuchi
    Those are Akutagawa-senpai's clothes!
[18:15] Higuchi
    This is all kinds of unacceptable!
[18:17] Higuchi
    The love letter tactic is too unreliable.
[18:19] Higuchi
    I'll punish her myself!
[18:24] Higuchi
    You aren't getting away from me!
[18:32] Katai
    Hold it, Port Mafia!
SIGN    Chinatown
[18:54] Higuchi
    Why did the signal change like that?
[19:02] Higuchi
    The agility in her movements...
[19:04] Higuchi
    I knew it! She's an enemy agent!
[19:06] Higuchi
    All right.
[19:07] Katai
    The elegant beauty...
[19:08] Katai
    Is under my protection!
[19:08] Higuchi
    Is mine!
[19:15] Higuchi
    Perfect. That's alley's dead-end.
[19:26] Higuchi
    Prepare yourself!
[19:34] Gin
    Why are you here...?
[19:39] Higuchi
    That hairstyle and mask...
[19:49] Higuchi
    Gin?
[19:55] Higuchi
    Th-Then...
[19:57] Higuchi
    You're Akutagawa-senpai's...
[20:00] Higuchi
    Sister?!
[20:05] Atsushi
    Akutagawa's little sister...
[20:13] Atsushi
    Are you all right?
[20:15] Kunikida
    What now, Katai?
[20:17] Kunikida
    You hate the Port Mafia, don't you?
[20:34] Katai
    The moment I first saw you,
     I learned what "beauty" means.
[20:57] Atsushi
    I hope Katai-san's all right.
[21:00] Kunikida
    Yeah.
[21:01] Kunikida
    That's what the love letter was for.
[21:03] Atsushi
    Huh?
[21:06] Kunikida
    Katai would never have had the courage
    to express his feelings to a crush.
[21:12] Kunikida
    But if he didn't get over his crush,
    he could never resume the investigation,
[21:15] Kunikida
    which would be bad for me.
[21:18] Kunikida
    So he volunteered himself to certain defeat.
[21:22] Kunikida
    He'll start work once he's done crying.
[21:26] Atsushi
    You know Katai-san really well, huh?
[21:31] Kunikida
    It'd be a little easier if he'd
    return to the Detective Agency.
[23:26] Higuchi
    Gin, as your superior, I order you...
[23:30] Higuchi
    Try calling me onee-san.
SIGN    Next Episode
SIGN    Episode 31
SIGN    Part 1
SIGN    Herurisu!
SIGN    Part 2
SIGN    Portrait of a Father