E3 - Does Uzaki-chan Want to Go to the School Festival?

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    "School Festival"
[00:01] ---
    Okay, over here!
[00:03] ---
    "Okonomiyaki" "Candy Apples"
[00:03] ---
    Sure thing! Hold it steady, okay?
[00:05] ---
    --Seriously?
    --Is this how many we have?!
[00:07] ---
    Wow!
[00:10] ---
    Senpai! Senpai!
[00:12] ---
    I know you're all alone.
    I'll make the rounds with you!
[00:16] ---
    Man, the things I gotta do!
[00:18] ---
    I'm not going to the school festival.
[00:19] ---
    What?!
[00:29] ---
    "Uzaki-chan Wants to Hang Out!"
[01:52] ---
    "Episode 3: Does Uzaki-chan
    Want to Go to the School Festival?"
[01:52] ---
    What's wrong? It's the rare college event!
[01:56] ---
    Do introverts seriously hate festivals?!
[01:58] ---
    Who are you calling an introvert?
[02:01] ---
    It's not that I hate festivals,
    it's just...
[02:03] ---
    Look, hear me out.
[02:04] ---
    No, don't bother. You're just going to
    hole up at home, playing video games.
[02:08] ---
    Good call!
[02:10] ---
    They released way
    too many games last month.
[02:14] ---
    Sometimes I think you're a
    very special type of idiot, Senpai.
[02:21] ---
    Aw, man! Still buying all
    the new time-sink titles, huh?
[02:26] ---
    Which is why I'm taking 3 days off:
    the festival and the day after.
[02:30] ---
    I'll take the opportunity
    to make some real progress.
[02:34] ---
    And yet somehow you
    deny being an introvert.
[02:37] ---
    Besides, school festivals...
[02:39] ---
    I don't hate them, but I have
    no reason and no obligation to go.
[02:44] ---
    "Obligation"?
[02:45] ---
    None of my friends have
    exhibits or booths this year,
[02:48] ---
    and I'm not really into the pop idol
    or comedy performances.
[02:53] ---
    I figure I'm better off at home,
    immersing myself in my hobby.
[02:58] ---
    You're calculating the losses
    and gains for a school festival--
[03:02] ---
    you haven't noticed?
[03:03] ---
    Noticed what?
[03:05] ---
    This is hopeless.
[03:06] ---
    When he decides something,
    he goes through with it.
[03:09] ---
    So many snap decisions--and all terrible!
[03:12] ---
    Playing games takes precedence
    over the school festival.
[03:15] ---
    And he's in college!
[03:19] ---
    He's almost a total failure!
[03:22] ---
    Well, if he's not coming,
    maybe I should take time off, too.
[03:28] ---
    Okay--
[03:29] ---
    can I come to your place
    on the festival days, then?
[03:31] ---
    I'll cook for you.
[03:33] ---
    Really?
[03:36] ---
    They never change, do they?
[03:40] ---
    Hey. Got a second?
[03:43] ---
    Hey! You look tired.
[03:45] ---
    Hiya.
[03:47] ---
    What are you two doing about the festival?
[03:50] ---
    Not going.
[03:51] ---
    It's a surprise three-day break!
[03:54] ---
    I figured as much.
[03:56] ---
    Oh.
[03:58] ---
    I'm actually helping out with
    the organizing committee this year.
[04:02] ---
    You are?
[04:03] ---
    No kidding! Is it hard work?
[04:06] ---
    It's a real pain, as it turns out.
    Takes up a lot of my time.
[04:11] ---
    That's because you're such a people
    person. You can't say no, am I right?
[04:15] ---
    You got it.
[04:17] ---
    Which is why I have to
    get you two involved, at least.
[04:21] ---
    Huh?
[04:21] ---
    Oh, something a
    committee-member friend asked me.
[04:25] ---
    "What should we do
    to increase attendance?"
[04:29] ---
    They decided to go with my idea,
[04:32] ---
    but now I'm stuck helping out because
    I'm the one who suggested it.
[04:35] ---
    What was your idea?
[04:37] ---
    This right here.
[04:37] ---
    "Vendor Stamp Rally"
SIGN    "Vendor Stamp Rally" "Collect stamps at booths for a chance to win great prizes!" "*500 yen = 1 stamp"
[04:42] ---
    A stamp rally?
[04:43] ---
    Yep. You get a stamp for every
    500 yen spent at a given booth.
[04:48] ---
    Each stamp gets you
    one entry in the lottery we'll hold
[04:52] ---
    on day 2 of the festival.
[04:54] ---
    If your ticket's chosen,
    you win a fabulous prize.
[04:56] ---
    A lottery, eh?
[04:58] ---
    "Fabulous"--sure you can aim that high?
[05:01] ---
    Ah, less interested now
    that you've dismissed them
[05:03] ---
    as school-festival-grade prizes?
[05:06] ---
    I'll just clue you in on the prizes
    we'll be announcing tomorrow.
[05:11] ---
    Let's see here...
[05:15] ---
    A DC6-Pro?!
[05:17] ---
    The console of my dreams! Gimme!
[05:19] ---
    You've got some pricey prizes in here.
[05:22] ---
    It was a real mess, let me tell you.
[05:24] ---
    I wound up supervising
    the entire stamp rally.
[05:28] ---
    I'm keeping my mouth shut from now on.
[05:40] ---
    Wanna go after all?
[05:42] ---
    Where'd that come from?
[05:44] ---
    I mean, you want that prize, right?
[05:46] ---
    There's no telling if we'll win, but the
    more people, the better our chances.
[05:52] ---
    Are you sure?
    Didn't you want to hole up at home?
[05:55] ---
    It's fine. Now I've got
    a reason and an obligation.
[06:00] ---
    We'll load up on those stamps.
[06:03] ---
    Yeah! We can hang out
    at the school festival!
[06:07] ---
    Good! I'm glad you've decided to go.
[06:09] ---
    Now for a word of advice:
[06:12] ---
    The most efficient stamp-gathering
    starts at the most expensive booths.
[06:18] ---
    I recommend the occult club.
[06:21] ---
    Not only are their fortunes priced high,
[06:24] ---
    word is they're authentic
    and pretty accurate.
[06:28] ---
    Well, I'm gonna be on my way.
[06:30] ---
    Right. See you.
[06:32] ---
    You two enjoy the heck out
    of your school-festival date.
[06:36] ---
    Later!
[06:41] ---
    --That's not what this is!
    --That's not what this is!
[06:43] ---
    "School Festival"
[06:51] ---
    Hell of a turnout, all right.
[06:53] ---
    Please don't make that face.
[06:56] ---
    They'll think you're a hoodlum
    come to collect protection money.
[06:59] ---
    What, at a school festival?
[07:01] ---
    Where'd you learn about that, anyway?
[07:03] ---
    "The Tiger Eats God"
[07:03] ---
    In that game of yours, The Tiger Eats God.
[07:07] ---
    "Kamubuki-cho Ichibandori"
[07:07] ---
    Oh. So that's where.
[07:10] ---
    Hand over the protection money, dumbass!
[07:14] ---
    Let's just get those stamps
    and head back home.
[07:24] ---
    Hey--is this...
[07:37] ---
    Great job, Senpai!
[07:38] ---
    But of course!
SIGN    "Fortunes Told Occult Study Circle - Fortuneteller Corner" "Recommended: Tarot, Compatibility, Horoscope, Feng Shui"
[07:43] ---
    This must be what Itsuhito
    was talking about.
[07:46] ---
    There's a good-sized line.
[07:48] ---
    I'm a little beat from
    running all over the place--
[07:51] ---
    how about we line up here
    and rest for a while?
[07:54] ---
    Yeah, sure.
[07:58] ---
    Is there a particular kind
    of fortune you want told?
[08:01] ---
    Mmm, not especially.
[08:03] ---
    Yeah, me neither.
[08:06] ---
    We can have them divine tips and
    hidden secrets for your latest game!
[08:11] ---
    That stuff's all online.
[08:13] ---
    Now you think of something, Senpai.
[08:16] ---
    Let's see...
[08:18] ---
    I'll ask them to find me
    a pet-friendly place
[08:21] ---
    that's near a station
    and a convenience store.
[08:24] ---
    That's all online, too!
[08:26] ---
    Right?
[08:27] ---
    Isn't that nice?
[08:30] ---
    --Oho!
    --Right?
[08:33] ---
    Are these people looking
    at us a lot or what?
[08:37] ---
    They sure are.
[08:39] ---
    And this line...
[08:44] ---
    Next, please!
SIGN    "Occult Study Circle" "Compatibility & Romance Fortunes Told!" "Step Right Up!"
[08:46] ---
    Okay.
[08:54] ---
    I'd heard it was authentic and all...
[08:57] ---
    It's got that real-deal feel.
[09:00] ---
    Oh--Hana!
[09:04] ---
    Oh! You're in the occult club, Ito?
[09:07] ---
    As it turns out, my fortunes
    got rave reviews last year,
[09:12] ---
    so I'm back again this year.
[09:15] ---
    Anyway...
[09:18] ---
    You came together.
[09:21] ---
    So that's how it is.
[09:25] ---
    Oh, this is so hard to do with friends...
[09:29] ---
    Please--take a seat.
[09:34] ---
    What are you going to ask
    her about, Senpai? Not apartments.
[09:37] ---
    --Apartments?
    --Well...
[09:40] ---
    I'll be job-hunting next
    year--something along those lines?
[09:44] ---
    Huh?
[09:45] ---
    Um... didn't you know?
[09:48] ---
    Know what?
[09:49] ---
    The occult club only
    tells romance fortunes.
[09:53] ---
    --News to me!
    --News to me!
[09:55] ---
    I get it now...
[09:58] ---
    That's why the line was all women.
[10:02] ---
    Well, um, er...
[10:04] ---
    Shall we try somewhere else?
[10:07] ---
    Yeah.
[10:08] ---
    Huh?
[10:09] ---
    Sorry, Ito.
[10:10] ---
    Sorry. We'll get out of your way.
[10:13] ---
    What? No!
[10:15] ---
    Now just hold on!
[10:17] ---
    Where'd they all come from?!
[10:20] ---
    It's true: Some guys try
    to escape at the last second.
[10:23] ---
    No cold feet allowed.
    This is how we do things here.
[10:27] ---
    I'm sorry--we didn't realize
    when we came in.
[10:32] ---
    Can we ask for a stamp without
    getting a reading? We'll pay you!
[10:37] ---
    What?! Who even are you? No way!
[10:40] ---
    I despise selfish children like you!
[10:43] ---
    Your bodies are grown,
    but you're still mentally a child!
[10:48] ---
    Worst of all, you strung along
    our most promising newcomer!
[10:52] ---
    Once you're in here,
    you will let us tell your fortune!
[10:56] ---
    This is tyranny!
[10:58] ---
    You shut up!
[10:59] ---
    People are waiting--get
    your fortune told already!
[11:02] ---
    Go on, Ito! Go ahead and give it to them!
[11:05] ---
    I-It's not that simple.
[11:06] ---
    I haven't even asked
    Sakurai his birthday yet.
[11:10] ---
    I'm so sorry. This is the occult club--
[11:12] ---
    the senior members can be
    so serious about fortunes.
[11:18] ---
    Let's just have our fortunes told, Senpai.
[11:22] ---
    We're just wasting time if we resist--
[11:25] ---
    and causing problems
    for the folks in line.
[11:31] ---
    All right, then...
[11:35] ---
    Whoa...
[11:37] ---
    She said "whoa."
[11:39] ---
    Keep your reactions inaudible,
    at the very least.
[11:43] ---
    I'm done.
[11:45] ---
    I can't tell--how did it go?
[11:47] ---
    Well, fortunes are fortunes, after all...
[11:51] ---
    They don't determine individual opinion.
[11:54] ---
    You could say it all depends
    on how the couple feels.
[11:57] ---
    What's with the long preface?
    Is it that bad?
[12:01] ---
    It's eye-poppingly good!
[12:04] ---
    "Eye-poppingly"?!
[12:05] ---
    This is a little dicey, all right...
[12:07] ---
    It is?
[12:09] ---
    Out of everyone I've seen this past year,
    no one's been a more perfect match!
[12:14] ---
    This card indicates
    that you two just click!
[12:17] ---
    This one represents mutual trust!
[12:19] ---
    This is a stable future! This one
    means you're the perfect couple!
[12:25] ---
    So you really can get
    all these cards at once!
[12:29] ---
    Uh-oh. Ito's going full-throttle.
[12:32] ---
    Oh! But...
[12:34] ---
    I heard that you two aren't even dating.
[12:38] ---
    I see...
[12:40] ---
    And you're so compatible, too.
    What a waste.
[12:44] ---
    Why aren't you dating?
[12:48] ---
    B-B-B-Beats me!
[12:50] ---
    Usually I only see women.
[12:52] ---
    It's so rare for a couple
    to come in together
[12:54] ---
    that I figured you were past
    the whole fortunes thing!
[12:58] ---
    I'm sure everyone in line
    thought the same thing.
[13:02] ---
    You should just date already!
[13:04] ---
    You're really just
    so amazingly compatible!
[13:07] ---
    And then you were asleep
    in each others' arms on campus--
[13:10] ---
    Okay, Ito, that's quite enough.
[13:13] ---
    It's overkill!
[13:16] ---
    Chin up...
[13:22] ---
    Tell me: Was that a true reading?
    Unscripted?
[13:26] ---
    It was the real thing.
[13:29] ---
    Don't worry--Ito doesn't
    really do lip service.
[13:33] ---
    Really. That's good to hear.
[13:36] ---
    Thanks for letting this non-member in.
[13:38] ---
    Happy?
[13:44] ---
    Ecstatic!
[13:45] ---
    Oh, uh... okay.
[13:49] ---
    Well, I'm off to tail those two.
[13:51] ---
    Thanks again! Bye!
[13:55] ---
    Bye! See you at the café!
[14:03] ---
    How was it?
[14:05] ---
    Good enough to nearly knock me
    off my feet more than once.
[14:10] ---
    Thank goodness.
[14:12] ---
    Me, I've already collapsed.
[14:15] ---
    Get home and sleep, then.
[14:16] ---
    I can't leave yet. There's so
    much post-event clean-up.
[14:21] ---
    How... did I...
[14:25] ---
    I'm not even... on the committee...
[14:29] ---
    Well, good job.
[14:33] ---
    When I first heard about this plan,
    I thought it was unnecessary.
[14:37] ---
    "Step 1: Invite Uzaki & Sak to the festival.
    Stamp rally (Sakaki): Great prize"
[14:37] ---
    But to be able to see all that...
    I can't complain.
SIGN    "Step 2: Uzaki & Sak come to the festival. --> Occult club: Romance fortune (Asai sneaks in)"
[14:41] ---
    Having their romance fortune told?
    Like I'd miss that!
[14:45] ---
    Still, blowing everything on the lead-up
    and missing the big show is sad indeed.
[14:51] ---
    Props for putting up a good fight.
[14:54] ---
    Job well done. May you be at peace.
[14:59] ---
    Rats!
[15:03] ---
    I lost them...
[15:09] ---
    Are you calmer now?
[15:12] ---
    Yeah... sorry. I didn't know it
    was... that kind of thing.
[15:16] ---
    'Course not. It's fine, really.
[15:19] ---
    Thinking about it now,
    I bet that was one of Sakaki's traps.
[15:23] ---
    A little late, if you ask me.
[15:26] ---
    Yeah... I can see that.
[15:30] ---
    Damn...
[15:33] ---
    I can't look at Uzaki's face.
[15:36] ---
    Did that reading open her eyes somehow?
[15:40] ---
    You and me...
[15:42] ---
    What do you think about us
    being so compatible?
[15:49] ---
    What kind of question is that?
    How should I answer?
[15:54] ---
    Well, uh... it sure beats
    being incompatible... right?
[16:08] ---
    Eh, I wouldn't think about it too much.
[16:12] ---
    Fortune-telling is basically
    just a game for us girls.
[16:16] ---
    Oh... okay.
[16:21] ---
    How the couple feels, huh?
[16:29] ---
    The grand prize winner!
[16:31] ---
    Yesss!
[16:35] ---
    I should have made her tell
    my lottery fortune instead.
[16:41] ---
    It's two days after the fortune-telling;
[16:43] ---
    there are no classes as the
    festival booths are coming down.
[16:46] ---
    It's a welcome day off for those
    students who didn't run booths,
[16:51] ---
    but Sakurai was still preoccupied.
[16:54] ---
    Man, what's going on?
    I'm flat-out exhausted.
[16:59] ---
    I still can't get that out of my head.
[17:01] ---
    It's eye-poppingly good!
[17:04] ---
    And you're so compatible, too.
[17:06] ---
    Why aren't you dating?
[17:11] ---
    If it's up to the couple,
    why don't you just butt out?
[17:15] ---
    That wasn't the only thing
    bothering Sakurai...
[17:22] ---
    Why was Uzaki making that face?
[17:29] ---
    Well, she doesn't seem too concerned.
[17:32] ---
    Hey, is there any way I can help?
[17:36] ---
    No, not really.
[17:38] ---
    Nabe is just cutting stuff up
    and simmering it.
[17:40] ---
    Oh, okay.
[17:42] ---
    Besides, you're not a good
    enough cook to help out yet.
[17:46] ---
    I'm actually better off alone.
[17:49] ---
    You can set the table, Senpai.
    It's almost ready.
[17:55] ---
    Got it.
[18:00] ---
    Yeah, she's not worried.
[18:03] ---
    She did say fortunes are just a game.
[18:06] ---
    She came here to cook
    for me, too... I feel bad.
[18:11] ---
    All right: I'm not going
    to fret anymore, either.
[18:14] ---
    Just be your everyday, natural self.
[18:16] ---
    Like Uzaki.
[18:20] ---
    That was not the case.
[18:22] ---
    In contrast to the bewildered Sakurai,
[18:24] ---
    Uzaki was in such high spirits
    that even she didn't notice.
[18:28] ---
    Look out! Hot food, comin' through!
[18:31] ---
    It had been about
    five years--since high school.
[18:34] ---
    Though she hadn't considered their
    compatibility over their long relationship,
[18:38] ---
    it had now received a seal of approval,
[18:41] ---
    which put Uzaki in a fantastic mood.
[18:44] ---
    But her interpretation
    differed slightly from Sakurai's.
[18:49] ---
    If we're so compatible,
[18:51] ---
    that must mean
    Senpai really needs me around.
[18:55] ---
    Emotional bias!
[18:57] ---
    This variety of cognitive bias
[18:59] ---
    means we prefer--and accept--the
    data that's most convenient for us.
[19:04] ---
    Guess I'll keep paying attention to him,
    so he doesn't get lonely!
[19:04] ---
    "Emotional bias"
[19:05] ---
    "Emotional bias"
    "Cognitive bias"
[19:08] ---
    The fortune brought
    happy news for Uzaki...
[19:13] ---
    Let's dig in.
[19:14] ---
    I mean, it makes sense!
[19:16] ---
    I am the only woman
    who gives Senpai any attention.
[19:20] ---
    ...but biased thoughts fed on
    biased data, soon to run amok.
[19:26] ---
    You know, he seemed
    pretty aware of it, too.
[19:30] ---
    He was beet red!
[19:32] ---
    And that...
[19:33] ---
    Do you think Senpai likes me?
[19:37] ---
    ...is how...
[19:38] ---
    He only has eyes for me!
[19:41] ---
    ...this happened:
[19:42] ---
    He can't live without me!
[19:46] ---
    A warped and self-serving conclusion
    was born, within Uzaki alone.
[19:51] ---
    Hey, yeah! Me and Senpai!
[19:55] ---
    We can't help it--we're
    just so compatible!
[19:58] ---
    Not all of it could necessarily
    be chalked up to Uzaki's delusions.
[20:03] ---
    She's smiling more than usual today.
[20:06] ---
    Probably planning
    something else infuriating.
[20:08] ---
    Hey, Senpai, Senpai!
[20:10] ---
    Yeah?
[20:11] ---
    Isn't there something you
    wanted to say to me? Huh? Huh?
[20:16] ---
    Thanks for cooking for me again.
    I'm enjoying it.
[20:19] ---
    No, not that. Isn't there something else?
[20:22] ---
    It's tasty, too, as always.
    You really are a great cook.
[20:26] ---
    No, no, no--not that.
[20:28] ---
    Right--the cost of today's ingredients.
[20:31] ---
    I better pay up before I forget.
[20:33] ---
    Oh, come on.
[20:35] ---
    Pass the ponzu.
[20:38] ---
    Still, a partner is a partner.
[20:41] ---
    What's up, Uzaki?
[20:43] ---
    This... moron of a man...
[20:47] ---
    He has a long way to go
    before he can tease me.
[20:51] ---
    Why are you so mad all of a sudden?
[20:53] ---
    What is it? Was it something I said?
[20:56] ---
    Tell me! I'll apologize!
[21:02] ---
    That's right--he's an airhead.
[21:06] ---
    C'mon!
[21:07] ---
    Look, just hurry up and eat, would you?!
[21:10] ---
    Jeez, you dummy!
[21:12] ---
    Whoa, watch out! Okay, okay--I'm eating!
[21:15] ---
    I won't ask again.
[21:17] ---
    Sheesh... pretending you don't know.
[21:19] ---
    You really are hopeless, you know that?
[21:22] ---
    Even though I knew he wasn't
    the type to suddenly get all greedy...
[21:26] ---
    Guess I'll leave it there for today.
[21:30] ---
    I mean...
[21:30] ---
    It's all up to Senpai's attitude now!
[21:32] ---
    There's gonna be
    a lot to think about! Yep!
[21:36] ---
    Choosing the status quo
    while mentally celebrating her win:
[21:40] ---
    In the end, Uzaki, too, was a wuss.
[21:44] ---
    Though the fortune
    had ruffled their feathers,
[21:46] ---
    the two found serenity once more.
[21:49] ---
    Pass the shichimi.
[21:50] ---
    Here.
[21:58] ---
    That being said, their relationship
    hadchanged in some small way.
[22:04] ---
    
[22:06] ---
    
SIGN    "Next Time" "Episode 4: Uzaki-chan Wants to Be Number One!"