E5 - I Want to Meddle in My Friend's Business!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:13] ---
    Summer already, huh?
[00:18] ---
    Senpai!
[00:24] ---
    It's that sweaty time of year again!
[00:27] ---
    You're too hyper, that's all.
[00:30] ---
    Hey, hey, Senpai?
[00:31] ---
    What?
[00:32] ---
    Can I come over to your place today?
[00:36] ---
    Today? Again?
[00:38] ---
    I'm just really worried you'll build
    more of Uzaki Hills without me!
[00:44] ---
    I so won't.
[00:46] ---
    Creepy old tower.
    Looks like an evil emperor's hangout.
[00:49] ---
    An evil emperor's hangout? No way!
[00:52] ---
    That's my dream house,
    stuffed full of my perfect ideals!
[00:55] ---
    You'd set up a lava trap at your own house?!
[00:58] ---
    Oh, that?
[00:59] ---
    That is so you can always come by and visit!
[01:03] ---
    What, you want to trap me?
[01:05] ---
    Trap you? Why, I never! How rude!
[01:08] ---
    With the lava! What else could I mean?
[01:19] ---
    "Uzaki-chan Wants to Hang Out!"
[02:42] ---
    "Episode 5: I Want to Meddle
    in My Friend's Business!"
[02:55] ---
    What are you doing out there, kitty?
[03:00] ---
    I'll rescue you.
    Stay right there and be a good kitty.
[03:06] ---
    Almost there...
[03:10] ---
    It's all right.
[03:14] ---
    Hey!
[03:18] ---
    No!
[03:25] ---
    A dream? I was... dreaming?
[03:28] ---
    Well, yeah.
[03:30] ---
    Must've nodded off, then woke up in a panic.
    That hasn't happened in a while.
[03:36] ---
    If anyone saw that...
[03:46] ---
    It had to be her--and only
    at the worst possible times!
[03:50] ---
    Turn around! We're in the middle of class!
[03:54] ---
    Hey, hey, Senpai, Senpai, Senpai!
[03:57] ---
    Were you dreaming of falling from a high place?
    You totally jolted awake!
[04:02] ---
    Don't be nodding off, now!
[04:04] ---
    To think I was a witness to the big moment!
[04:08] ---
    God, you bug me!
[04:10] ---
    Be quiet. Class has started!
[04:13] ---
    Whoopsie!
[04:15] ---
    Are you familiar with dream interpretation?
[04:19] ---
    It holds that the content of
    one's dreams reveal one's mental state.
[04:23] ---
    Dreams of falling from a height, for example,
[04:26] ---
    indicate deep-seated feelings of anxiety,
[04:29] ---
    while vague unease about
    one's career or personal prospects...
[04:30] ---
    Oh, you're anxious, Senpai?
[04:32] ---
    Don't worry--you can tell me anything.
[04:36] ---
    Shut up.
[04:37] ---
    Dreaming of falling when one is in
    high spirits or getting carried away
[04:43] ---
    can also be interpreted as a warning
    to put one's feet on the ground,
[04:45] ---
    Getting carried away there, Senpai?
[04:47] ---
    Shut up, I said!
[04:47] ---
    a subconscious dissatisfaction
    with the action or attitude responsible.
[04:50] ---
    Quit getting so excited!
    Get those feet on the ground!
[04:54] ---
    Look who's talking!
[04:59] ---
    Talk about a timely lecture! Too funny!
[05:04] ---
    Really laid bare your deepest psyche, huh?
[05:08] ---
    Can it. Besides, I'm not a kid--
    I don't believe in that stuff.
[05:13] ---
    Maybe it was a little juvenile...
[05:16] ---
    Well, I'm more of a believer.
[05:18] ---
    Psychological tests, blood-type fortunes...
[05:21] ---
    Superstition, all of it.
    That's not what psychology is about.
[05:26] ---
    Sure, you say that, but are you
    sure you're not just acting tough?
[05:30] ---
    Yeah, right.
[05:31] ---
    But psychologically speaking--
[05:34] ---
    Uh-oh... I'm--
[05:37] ---
    Watch out! What are you doing, idiot?
[05:40] ---
    Nice catch, Senpai. That was scary!
[05:43] ---
    That's what happens when
    you're focused on riling someone up
[05:46] ---
    instead of watching your step.
[05:48] ---
    Be careful, dummy!
[05:50] ---
    Which reminds me...
[05:52] ---
    Of what?
[05:54] ---
    People who trip down stairs
    can develop climacophobia,
[05:57] ---
    the fear of descending stairs.
[05:59] ---
    Uh, what? Where'd this
    come from all of a sudden?
[06:03] ---
    It's a psychological aftershock.
[06:04] ---
    Huh?
[06:06] ---
    It's also known as "the stair yips."
[06:08] ---
    You're navigating stairs as usual, until one day
[06:11] ---
    you just can't go down them smoothly,
    or you tumble down them--
[06:15] ---
    until at last, you're scared
    of the very stairs themselves.
[06:19] ---
    Stop that!
[06:20] ---
    That's terrifying!
[06:26] ---
    Aw!
[06:27] ---
    C'mon, why not?
[06:29] ---
    Ah!
[06:31] ---
    'Cause I have plans with that guy.
[06:36] ---
    Maybe next time, okay?
[06:38] ---
    Aw!
[06:40] ---
    You showed up at the perfect time, Sak.
    Those girls are relentless!
[06:44] ---
    What gives, Itsuhito? You running away?
[06:47] ---
    "Itsuhito Sakaki, 21 - College Junior"
[06:48] ---
    It's honestly not much fun going drinking
    with that bunch. We just don't click.
[06:53] ---
    Huh.
[06:55] ---
    So many people drink way too much.
[06:57] ---
    I prefer a more stylish approach
    to enjoying alcohol.
[07:00] ---
    In the end, sober me is left
    to clean up the mess.
[07:04] ---
    Yeah, I'm not into that, either.
[07:06] ---
    There goes Sakaki. Aren't we going after him?
[07:10] ---
    Hmm... But that other guy's a little scary.
[07:13] ---
    I get that.
[07:15] ---
    It's the eyes.
[07:16] ---
    Yeah--the eyes.
[07:18] ---
    Those two are together a lot. Are they friends?
[07:25] ---
    Hey, it feels like I barely saw
    you around at all last month.
[07:29] ---
    Yeah, I popped over to Okinawa.
[07:32] ---
    Okinawa?! It's not even summer break!
[07:35] ---
    I just had this sudden urge
    to see that gorgeous ocean.
[07:38] ---
    He's living free and easy.
[07:40] ---
    What about you, Sak?
    Anything happen while I was gone?
[07:47] ---
    Nope.
[07:52] ---
    Well...
[07:54] ---
    It's just... hmm... What even was that?
[07:58] ---
    My days were... hard to describe.
[08:01] ---
    What the hell?
[08:03] ---
    Life was ordinary enough, generally speaking.
[08:06] ---
    I went to classes,
    worked my job, played games and stuff...
[08:10] ---
    Kept pretty busy.
[08:14] ---
    Enough! Will you go hog wild just once?!
[08:17] ---
    I've been hanging out with you
    for three years. Your life is dull!
[08:22] ---
    It's depressing just hearing about it!
[08:24] ---
    Only four years of college,
    and you're wasting it! Enjoy it!
[08:27] ---
    Get a girlfriend!
[08:28] ---
    You always say that.
[08:33] ---
    This is no time to be drinking!
[08:34] ---
    What the--? You gave it to me!
[08:36] ---
    Shut up! Jerks like you
    who waste their youth are insufferable!
[08:40] ---
    Hey, Senpai!
[08:42] ---
    There you are!
[08:45] ---
    Huh?
[08:46] ---
    Might this person be...
[08:48] ---
    Wait--could he be--your... friend?
[08:52] ---
    Yeah, that's right.
[08:53] ---
    What?!
[08:56] ---
    So you... you really did have a friend.
[09:02] ---
    You did talk him up sometimes...
[09:04] ---
    ...but I thought he was imaginary.
[09:08] ---
    You saw me eating with him in the dining hall!
[09:12] ---
    I thought maybe you were
    pretending he was your friend.
[09:17] ---
    I'm so happy... Oh, I really am so glad...
[09:21] ---
    Wait--you were seriously worried about me?!
[09:23] ---
    Quit looking at me like that!
[09:26] ---
    Oh, right. You're that girl
    who's with Sak now and then.
[09:29] ---
    I'm a junior, like him. Name's Sakaki--pleasure.
[09:31] ---
    Hana Uzaki, sophomore!
[09:33] ---
    Senpai is a hardcore gloomlord,
    but I hope you'll get along well together.
[09:37] ---
    Who even are you to me?
[09:39] ---
    Don't you worry, Senpai--
    I'll still keep hanging out with you.
[09:44] ---
    So where are we going to go after class today?
[09:46] ---
    Why are you saying that like
    my schedule's already booked?
[09:50] ---
    I said I was going
    to hang out at your place today.
[09:53] ---
    You want to come over again today? Seriously?
[09:55] ---
    I mean, if you're always hanging out
    with your one male friend, people'll talk.
[10:00] ---
    They'll make fanart outta you!
[10:02] ---
    Who exactly are you worried about?
    Do you even know what that means?
[10:06] ---
    And don't assume, amid all this nonsense,
    that I only have one male friend.
[10:10] ---
    Now, now--you don't have to show off.
[10:12] ---
    I'm not!
[10:13] ---
    So that's how it is.
[10:14] ---
    No, really--it's fine!
[10:16] ---
    Whoops! Well, I've got another class.
[10:20] ---
    Get to it.
[10:23] ---
    She's a nice girl.
[10:24] ---
    Sometimes.
[10:27] ---
    Oh, Sak...
[10:28] ---
    It's not like that.
[10:30] ---
    Don't worry; I get it. Just leave it to me.
[10:33] ---
    Huh?
[10:34] ---
    You've found love at long last!
[10:37] ---
    You don't get it at all!
[10:39] ---
    Don't be bashful!
    I'm your wingman--I've got your back!
[10:42] ---
    Ugh! Another giant pain in the ass!
[10:46] ---
    What sort of situation are you after?
    Romantic? Erotic?
[10:46] ---
    "Summer Romance Watermelon"
    "Icy Cold" "Icy Cold" "Icy Cold"
[10:50] ---
    Oh, this is going to be one fun summer!
[11:00] ---
    Yes!
[11:01] ---
    Ah, dammit.
[11:03] ---
    Hey, you two.
[11:05] ---
    Oh, hi.
[11:06] ---
    Hey.
[11:08] ---
    So how long have you known each other?
[11:11] ---
    She was my junior in high school.
[11:13] ---
    We were in the same club.
[11:14] ---
    Huh. A pretty long time, then.
[11:17] ---
    You could say that.
[11:18] ---
    Uh-huh.
[11:21] ---
    And how far have you gone?
[11:23] ---
    Any fooling around?
[11:30] ---
    Look here, you...
[11:31] ---
    This guy looks good,
    but he's really just the worst, huh.
[11:34] ---
    So, is that a no?
[11:35] ---
    It's a no!
[11:36] ---
    It's not something you talk about--and
    we wouldn't tell you even if we did!
[11:39] ---
    Not even a little?
[11:40] ---
    No!
[11:41] ---
    Not at all?
[11:42] ---
    Not at all!
[11:42] ---
    Huh?
[11:43] ---
    Eh?
[11:44] ---
    Huh?
[11:46] ---
    Oh, uh... never mind.
[11:48] ---
    Huh? Eh? N-Now hang on a sec--
    I seriously don't remember anything!
[11:52] ---
    N-No, it's fine. I mean, it's just between us.
[11:54] ---
    If you don't know,
    then it doesn't count. It's okay.
[11:57] ---
    It is not okay! Tell me! What did I do? Where? When?
[11:59] ---
    I knew it!
[12:01] ---
    Ugh! Shut up! This is sexual harassment!
[12:04] ---
    Now you're mad at me, and I don't even know why!
[12:06] ---
    Sakaki, too, going all in
    on the sexual harassment!
[12:09] ---
    Just drop it.
[12:10] ---
    S-Sexual... harassment?
[12:10] ---
    Sorry.
[12:12] ---
    Senpai's a good guy.
[12:14] ---
    From where I stand, he's the
    safest creature in the whole world.
[12:18] ---
    When you put it like that...
    it's actually pretty awful.
[12:21] ---
    Again, sorry. I'd just never heard
    any romantic tales about Sak before.
[12:28] ---
    Seeing Mr. Serious here with
    a girl piqued my interest, that's all.
[12:32] ---
    We can't really help that.
[12:34] ---
    He's a gloomy klutz of a sleepyhead
    villain loner, so I keep him company.
[12:40] ---
    Who are you calling a gloomy klutz
    of a sleepyhead villain loner?!
[12:43] ---
    I like to spend my time quietly, by myself!
[12:46] ---
    You two get along amazingly well!
[12:49] ---
    And it's not just me. I bet everyone thinks so!
[12:52] ---
    You know: "Oh, those two must be dating."
[12:55] ---
    Haven't you heard that tons of times?
[12:58] ---
    But we're not.
[13:01] ---
    Okay, you're not--for now. I get that much.
[13:04] ---
    But you're gonna have to eventually.
[13:07] ---
    Uzaki.
[13:09] ---
    Let's grab some ice cream
    from the convenience store. My treat.
[13:11] ---
    Really? Hooray!
[13:15] ---
    Did they just run away?
[13:17] ---
    Still, that's not the reaction I was expecting.
[13:20] ---
    I pictured something a little more innocent.
[13:23] ---
    But it's not that he simply dislikes her...
[13:26] ---
    There must be a reason.
[13:28] ---
    Hmm?
[13:31] ---
    Got a sec?
[13:34] ---
    And who are you?
[13:35] ---
    Ami Asai, senior. Friend of those two.
[13:38] ---
    I'm Sakaki--same year as Sakurai.
    Nice to meet you.
[13:41] ---
    Sakaki.
[13:42] ---
    What was that?
[13:44] ---
    What was it? Just a friendly chat, that's all.
[13:47] ---
    Were you listening in?
    You should have joined us!
[13:50] ---
    You've gone too far.
[13:52] ---
    Teasing those two is one thing,
    but do you have to be so blunt about it?
[13:57] ---
    Just putting out some feelers.
    I got shut out, though.
[14:02] ---
    I want to watch over those two--and
    I won't let anyone get in my way.
[14:06] ---
    Doing things your way may very well
    end up nipping their love in the bud.
[14:10] ---
    You must watch them from a distance,
    with no unnecessary prying!
[14:14] ---
    I see...
[14:16] ---
    So you're rooting for them, too, huh?
    And you really care.
[14:21] ---
    You've changed my mind.
    After all, we both want them to be together.
[14:31] ---
    How about we team up, then?
[14:34] ---
    I'd do anything for those two!
[14:39] ---
    Wrong!
[14:41] ---
    What?!
[14:42] ---
    I don't need anyone's help! Quit your meddling!
[14:47] ---
    And what part of me wanting to observe
    from out here do you not understand?!
[14:53] ---
    You're pretty crass yourself!
[14:56] ---
    I won't let you meddle
    indiscriminately in their business!
[15:00] ---
    Jeez, what a pain!
[15:03] ---
    You both are.
[15:05] ---
    Want to share, Senpai? C'mon.
[15:11] ---
    You don't want any?
[15:13] ---
    Don't be shy. After all, you bought 'em.
[15:17] ---
    C'mon.
[15:20] ---
    That refreshing green-blue
    packaging... choco-mint, huh?
[15:24] ---
    Is choco-mint any good?
[15:26] ---
    Choco-mint is delicious!
[15:29] ---
    Choco-mint...
[15:31] ---
    But choco-mint--isn't that toothpaste?
[15:34] ---
    Huh?
[15:37] ---
    What did you just say?
[15:38] ---
    Eh?
[15:40] ---
    Look me in the eye and say that again.
[15:43] ---
    Wait... what?
[15:45] ---
    It's just... I was wondering
    if choco-mint was really any good,
[15:49] ---
    since that's what toothpaste tastes like.
[15:51] ---
    There it is! You idiot!
[15:53] ---
    That is always what people
    who don't eat choco-mint say
[15:55] ---
    when they're mocking choco-mint!
[15:58] ---
    I'm not mocking anything.
[15:59] ---
    You are! It started when
    you compared it to toothpaste!
[16:03] ---
    Even though it's your garbage palate's
    fault you can't eat choco-mint,
[16:07] ---
    you cowards are always
    so quick to blame the mint!
[16:09] ---
    "Coward"
[16:12] ---
    Then these jerks always go to
    "No way can that be good"
[16:16] ---
    and "Why don't you just eat toothpaste, then?"
[16:18] ---
    Morons!
[16:19] ---
    Toothpaste isn't something you eat!
[16:21] ---
    Can you even imagine it, Senpai?
[16:23] ---
    How humiliating it is to be mocked
    by idiots who don't know the difference
[16:26] ---
    between toothpaste and food?!
[16:28] ---
    Uh... yeah.
[16:29] ---
    But what I really can't stand
[16:31] ---
    is the sheer arrogance of people
    who think it's okay to persecute
[16:34] ---
    what they don't understand!
[16:36] ---
    That's right! We choco-mintians
    have been exposed for so long!
[16:40] ---
    "Choco-mintians"?
[16:41] ---
    Exposed to the unknowing abuse
    that stems from a lack of understanding!
[16:42] ---
    Isn't that just toothpaste?
[16:45] ---
    When choco-mint, as ice cream,
    made its way to Japan from distant continents,
[16:50] ---
    sales were poor due to its
    intense coloration and unique flavor.
[16:55] ---
    And yet!
[16:56] ---
    We choco-mintians, amidst bias and prejudice,
[16:59] ---
    slowly grew in number with many years of effort.
[17:02] ---
    Now it's praised as
    invigorating, Instagrammable--
[17:06] ---
    with more cafés serving choco-mint sweets
[17:09] ---
    and more varieties of choco-mint goods
    on food-store shelves every year!
[17:15] ---
    Nevertheless!
[17:16] ---
    The palate-poor anti-choco-mint
    brigade chooses ignorance!
[17:20] ---
    Rise, O choco-mintians!
[17:22] ---
    Turn your sadness into anger
    and make your stand!
[17:25] ---
    You hate it, don't you, Senpai?
[17:27] ---
    It sucks when people mock your favorite game
    when they've never played it
[17:31] ---
    and know nothing about it!
[17:33] ---
    Well, yeah, it does.
[17:35] ---
    Besides, it's all out of order!
[17:37] ---
    Mint doesn't taste like toothpaste--
    toothpaste tastes like mint!
[17:42] ---
    Idiot!
[17:45] ---
    She... She is seriously pissed.
[17:48] ---
    Never mind those palate-poor losers!
[17:50] ---
    I'm grateful for choco-mint!
[17:53] ---
    Thank you, choco-mint!
[17:58] ---
    One bite and the sharp,
    refreshing mint flavor fills your mouth,
[18:04] ---
    the gentle notes of sweet chocolate
    slowly fading away.
[18:09] ---
    That soothing feeling makes you
    want to take another bite right away.
[18:15] ---
    No matter what anyone says...
[18:19] ---
    ...choco-mint is delicious.
[18:51] ---
    What the hell?
[18:54] ---
    Thank you very much.
[18:56] ---
    Brava. I guess you've been
    holding onto some things, too.
[18:59] ---
    Oh, yeah.
[19:01] ---
    You can hate whatever you want,
    but don't diss what someone else likes.
[19:05] ---
    Mind your own beeswax!
[19:07] ---
    Though you did mock my solo movies.
[19:11] ---
    But man, I never dreamed that you
    would be one of those lower lifeforms.
[19:17] ---
    Over one lousy ice cream? That's a little much.
[19:21] ---
    It's not that I hate it...
[19:24] ---
    I couldn't handle mint as a kid.
[19:27] ---
    Ever since, anything with that cooling
    sensation--gum, cough drops--forget it.
[19:31] ---
    I even use a non-mint toothpaste.
[19:35] ---
    That cooling sensation is the best part!
[19:37] ---
    With the sweet chocolate chaser?
    That's the real charm of choco-mint!
[19:42] ---
    But since I can't do mint,
[19:45] ---
    I've never tried choco-mint.
[19:50] ---
    What?!
[19:54] ---
    Why, you... Mock choco-mint untasted, will you?!
[19:58] ---
    All right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
[20:04] ---
    I see. So it all stems from childhood trauma.
[20:08] ---
    But that means you should be fine now, right?
[20:15] ---
    They do say your sense of
    taste changes as you grow up.
[20:18] ---
    Maybe, but still...
[20:20] ---
    Wanna try one, just to see?
[20:24] ---
    Why the hesitation?
[20:26] ---
    You'll be fine--it's not an intense mint.
[20:30] ---
    What, are you scared?
[20:32] ---
    Huh?
[20:33] ---
    C'mon, you can do it.
[20:35] ---
    Conquer your pickiness. Mint's not scary.
[20:39] ---
    Your eyes sure are!
[20:44] ---
    Look, just eat it already. C'mon!
[20:47] ---
    All right, fine. Here goes...
[20:50] ---
    Great! Say "ah"!
[20:55] ---
    Now that I think about it, isn't this...
[21:00] ---
    An indirect--?!
    Wait--now it's rubbing off on me!
[21:05] ---
    But if I don't eat this now,
    it'll turn into this big thing again.
[21:10] ---
    Couldn't she be a little more mindful?!
[21:14] ---
    Ugh!
[21:22] ---
    Well?
[21:24] ---
    It... it's actually, uh... tasty, I... I'd say.
[21:28] ---
    That's a pretty vague answer.
[21:31] ---
    But you managed to eat it!
[21:33] ---
    Last one's mine!
[21:44] ---
    Oh, I-I'm sorry.
[21:47] ---
    For... For what?
[21:50] ---
    N-Nothing...
[21:54] ---
    Don't realize it now!
[21:58] ---
    But it'll take a thousand years
    for them to get together on their own!
[22:03] ---
    Then I'll live a thousand years!
[23:39] ---
    "Episode 6: Summer! The Beach!
    I Want to Test My Courage!"
[23:40] ---
    I will get you two together, Sak!