E12 - Five Dumb Matches
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] ---
So this is the last place where Tsujigiri
was heard from, Shin-Yokohama...
[00:07] ---
I wondered what kind of place it was,
but it's just a small town.
[00:11] ---
How disappointing.
[00:14] ---
Oh, well.
[00:17] ---
"Vampire - Spiderleg Aranea"
It's just right for some quick meals.
[01:53] ---
"Silver Rise Blind Your Eyes"
Now, are there any
pretty young girls here?
[01:57] ---
You look quite dangerous.
I haven't seen you before, compatriot.
[02:02] ---
Good grief, and I was just
out on a walk, too.
[02:06] ---
I don't care what other people eat...
but Shin-Yoko is my territory.
[02:13] ---
Leave this place!
[02:15] ---
Good evening, foolish compatriot.
[02:18] ---
What if I refuse?
How do you plan on stopping me?
[02:26] ---
You didn't have a plan?
[02:28] ---
What's with this bottle?! Let me out!
[02:30] ---
He was so much weaker than
I expected that I panicked.
[02:34] ---
It's no use. No matter how much you yell,
no one but me will be able to hear you.
[02:38] ---
It'd be annoying if you regenerated...
[02:41] ---
...so maybe I'll just throw you
into the river like this.
[02:45] ---
This town's got ostriches and Vamp
Control and hunters! They're all strong!
[02:49] ---
They'll eliminate you right away!
[02:50] ---
Oh? That sounds fun.
[02:52] ---
Change of plans.
My first meal will be a hunter.
[02:56] ---
I can't wait!
[02:59] ---
It pains me to say this,
but I'm counting on you, Ronaldo!
[03:01] ---
Save me as soon as possible!
[03:03] ---
Huh? What's the matter?
[03:06] ---
What are you doing by
yourself at this hour?
[03:08] ---
Ronaldo!
[03:10] ---
Miss, walking around alone
at night is-- Whoa, big boobs...
[03:15] ---
Walking around-boob
alone-boob is dangerous-boob...
[03:17] ---
You idiot!
[03:18] ---
The idiocy! Useless hunter!
[03:20] ---
She's a vampire!
Hurry up and eliminate her!
[03:23] ---
You fool. I told you,
he can't hear your voice.
[03:27] ---
This is perfect. I'll trick him
like this and drink his blood.
[03:31] ---
Boob?
[03:34] ---
I'm sorry, I just arrived in Shin-Yoko.
[03:38] ---
Will you show me around...
[03:40] ---
...Mr. Hunter?
[03:43] ---
Hey, Ass.
[03:45] ---
Shin-Yoko, famous places, nice mood...
[03:48] ---
...d-date spot.
[03:49] ---
He's trying so hard!
[03:51] ---
Like there are any date
spots in Shin-Yoko!
[03:53] ---
Anyway, aren't you supposed
to be working? Useless hunter!
[03:57] ---
Mis-- Uh, M-Miss...
I would be happy to, um, I can...
[04:01] ---
There's a place with
a romantic night view...
[04:04] ---
I'll show you a night view...
and other romantic stuff...
[04:07] ---
You're so bad at this.
[04:08] ---
Th-Thanks.
[04:10] ---
Then, I guess I'd like a place
where I can drink alcohol...
[04:14] ---
I'll drink you under the table.
[04:16] ---
But the night view is lovely, too.
[04:18] ---
Stop talking about the night view!
You're so bad at ad-libbing!
[04:21] ---
Oh, I-I mean...
[04:23] ---
Hey, Ass.
[04:25] ---
I'm sorry! It's not that
I don't like night views.
[04:28] ---
It's just that I'm a little hungry...
[04:31] ---
Oh! I-I'm sorry!
[04:33] ---
Then you can have this ham cutlet
I got at the convenience store earlier!
[04:35] ---
Don't give her something
like that, you idiot!
[04:37] ---
I have minced meat cutlet, too!
Which one do you want?
[04:40] ---
Don't keep going like she's
going to eat one of them!
[04:42] ---
I-I'll take the ham...
[04:45] ---
Don't do that! If you don't reject
him sternly, he'll keep doing this!
[04:49] ---
Shall I put the sauce on for you--?
[04:51] ---
Don't look like you've got
this under control now!
[04:53] ---
Huh?
[04:54] ---
Oh, it's nothing!
This ham is delicious!
[04:58] ---
Now, will you show me the night view?
[05:03] ---
Oh, I think vodka should be
chilled and taken straight...
[05:07] ---
I'll surprise him with an attack
in a place with no people!
[05:17] ---
No one's talking!
[05:19] ---
Wh-What kind of work does a hunter do?
[05:23] ---
Oh. We do stuff like beat up old naked
guys with flowers on their crotch.
[05:28] ---
Also, we fight old guys who make us talk
dirty, and all I could say was "boobs."
[05:32] ---
This is something you can get mad about!
[05:35] ---
Shut up! Cut that out!
[05:37] ---
--Huh?
--Oh, it's nothing.
[05:40] ---
Oh, we're here.
[05:44] ---
I can't wait.
[05:47] ---
R-Ronaldo!
[05:58] ---
Vampire Tranquilizer Bullets!
[06:00] ---
You--!
[06:02] ---
Sorry about the bad date
with the bad acting.
[06:05] ---
I had no choice.
[06:08] ---
Because I had to bring you out here...
[06:12] ---
...without letting you
get close to anyone.
[06:19] ---
This is dumb.
[06:21] ---
Like I'd be the one to be tricked.
[06:27] ---
But it's fine.
[06:28] ---
I'll make you all...
[06:31] ---
...my dinner, right here, right now!
[06:35] ---
I'll... suck your blood, you worms!
[06:48] ---
These worms!
[06:51] ---
Like I'd ever...
[06:55] ---
...lose to them!
[07:05] ---
We could've beaten her
without that show you put on.
[07:08] ---
You can only say that in hindsight.
[07:10] ---
It would've been bad if we fought
in a place with civilians.
[07:13] ---
No. It was so faithful to your usual self
that I couldn't tell you were acting.
[07:19] ---
Gross!
[07:20] ---
Sand...
[07:22] ---
Anyway, how did you know
what she really was?
[07:25] ---
I knew from the start.
There was an alert issued in another town.
[07:29] ---
Besides, she called me "Mr. Hunter"
before I'd even told her my name.
[07:34] ---
Just from that?
[07:35] ---
Even though you're super dense and have
been leveling up your stupidity recently?
[07:39] ---
Sand...!
[07:40] ---
More than anything, I had a strong
feeling something was off...
[07:46] ---
...because a girl was flirting with me...
[07:50] ---
Ronaldo!
[07:55] ---
"Dress Up for You"
[07:57] ---
"Dress Up for You"
...ul, hey... Ronaldo.
[07:59] ---
...ul, hey... Ronaldo.
[08:01] ---
Happy Halloween.
[08:04] ---
You're gonna give me nightmares!
What are you trying to do, moron?!
[08:07] ---
I'm cosplaying Sword, the main character of
the legendary shitty game, Quest of Soul Gate.
[08:11] ---
Never heard of him.
[08:13] ---
I'm going to do an impression of Sword
when he dies and hits his head.
[08:19] ---
J-Just what kind of character is Sword?
He seems as weak as you!
[08:22] ---
No, wait. I'm asking you
why you're cosplaying him!
[08:26] ---
You don't know? It's Halloween!
[08:29] ---
It's a day for humans and vampires to
dress up and deepen their friendships!
[08:32] ---
Ronaldo, will you join me?
[08:35] ---
Don't know. Don't care. I'm going
to sleep. Don't wake me up. Die!
[08:37] ---
Don't say that! John worked
hard on his costume, too!
[08:41] ---
Oh, John, what are you? A bug's hive?
[08:44] ---
He said he's a pile of melon bread.
[08:46] ---
I'm sorry, John! You look delicious!
[08:48] ---
Now, let us have a Halloween
costume party tonight!
[08:52] ---
No way! It's pointless!
[09:01] ---
There's a ton of people here!
[09:04] ---
Hey, Ronaldo.
[09:06] ---
It's all free. Business must be good.
[09:08] ---
H-Hey... Free?
[09:10] ---
Halloween party! Dress up and
get free grub at Ronaldo Agency!
[09:14] ---
I handed out invitations that said that.
[09:17] ---
Ronaldo. Thank you for the invitation.
[09:21] ---
Who are you?!
[09:22] ---
I'm the manager at Vamima!
[09:23] ---
This is a cosplay of the Special
Security Robot, Gatekin!
[09:26] ---
Never heard of it!
[09:30] ---
Looks like it will be a wonderful evening.
[09:33] ---
Long time no see, Ronaldo.
[09:35] ---
Thanks for inviting us.
[09:37] ---
Oh, um... you're welcome...
[09:38] ---
Nude, nude, nude...
[09:41] ---
Yes, this is a fun party!
[09:44] ---
R-Right...
[09:46] ---
Look.
[09:47] ---
Everyone gathered here
because they adore you.
[09:51] ---
I also prepared time for you to be
the star and perform something.
[09:55] ---
I'm looking forward to it, Ronaldo!
[09:57] ---
Give me a good shot!
[09:58] ---
Like hell they adore me!
That's a lie! Damn you all to hell!
[10:02] ---
Ronaldo, what made you decide to express
Japan's seasons through pole dancing?
[10:06] ---
Like hell I'm doing that!
[10:07] ---
Hey, Ronaldo!
[10:08] ---
Huh?!
[10:09] ---
Trick-or...
[10:10] ---
...treat!
[10:12] ---
Man, these grade schoolers
don't have a shred of respect!
[10:14] ---
I'll give you gum! I'll give you gum!
[10:15] ---
Oh, are we doing that? Trick-or-treat!
[10:18] ---
We're not, idiot!
[10:20] ---
Aww. Oh, please give me that meat.
[10:37] ---
What's the matter, John?
[10:39] ---
It's kind of an amazing sight, huh?
I can't tell who's who.
[10:45] ---
Oh, the star looks gloomy.
[10:48] ---
I know who you are, scooter kid!
[10:51] ---
Hey, don't ride that inside!
[10:53] ---
Who are you people?!
[10:55] ---
We are members of John's fan club.
[10:58] ---
John's cuteness...
[10:59] ---
...should be poured out equally to all.
[11:06] ---
That voice!
[11:07] ---
Go, Celeryman Sagyo!
[11:09] ---
It's not what you think, Ronaldo!
I was forced to wear this--
[11:13] ---
Celery spirit!
[11:18] ---
Celery... A living, breathing celery...
[11:21] ---
A-Are you all right, Ronaldo?
[11:24] ---
Satetsu... Even your costume's boring...
[11:27] ---
Huh?
[11:29] ---
Handa and Sagyo,
what's wrong with you two?
[11:31] ---
We are...
[11:33] ---
...just here as security!
[11:35] ---
We're not... here to play!
[11:38] ---
It's fine. You're not convincing at all.
[11:41] ---
Ronaldo, look! Look!
[11:43] ---
Huh?
[11:44] ---
My costume is a beautiful,
widowed inn proprietress
[11:46] ---
whose husband passed away six months ago,
who's worried about her aging body.
[11:50] ---
Your idea's gross! Besides, yours is
a transformation, not a costume!
[11:55] ---
A transformation's fine, too!
It's a vampire's privilege!
[11:58] ---
Sexy dynamite!
[12:00] ---
Why are you getting so excited?!
[12:02] ---
Oh, how sexy! I can't lose!
[12:06] ---
It's not a competition!
[12:07] ---
Sexy!
[12:09] ---
What are you doing, Manager?!
[12:13] ---
Sexy!
[12:14] ---
Bikini!
[12:15] ---
Wee-wee?!
[12:17] ---
What...?
[12:20] ---
Did you just notice?
[12:23] ---
Foolish hunter.
[12:25] ---
What, it's you, perverted vampire?!
[12:27] ---
A costume party? What good taste. I had no
trouble at all getting lost in the crowd.
[12:33] ---
Bastard, how dare you--
[12:35] ---
Whoops, don't move.
[12:38] ---
--Bikini.
--Bikini.
[12:40] ---
If you value the blood and lives
of these humans, then don't resist.
[12:45] ---
Damn it, you bastard!
[12:47] ---
Do you understand the situation?
Then, accept my domination.
[12:52] ---
Vamp Control and hunters
should all wear micro bikinis!
[12:55] ---
From here on out,
my dominion over humans will--
[12:58] ---
Do you have a bingo card?
[13:03] ---
We're playing bingo!
[13:05] ---
Anyone else not have a card?
Here's a card for you.
[13:10] ---
Huh? What was I doing?
[13:12] ---
Wh-Why were you able to overcome
my micro bikinis so easily...?!
[13:16] ---
Now, we've got some
great prizes for bingo!
[13:19] ---
Everyone, are you ready?
[13:21] ---
Huh? Dra... you...
[13:25] ---
John, Ronaldo! That's not me!
[13:37] ---
I've been found out? Too bad.
[13:39] ---
So that's why you were nowhere to be found
after calling for me out of the blue!
[13:42] ---
Why did you transform
yourself into Draluc?!
[13:45] ---
Sorry, I wanted to dress up
because it was Halloween.
[13:49] ---
On top of that, having a party
in such a cramped office!
[13:52] ---
Yeah, it's absurd to have a party
in a rabbit hutch like this.
[13:55] ---
It is a little cramped.
[13:56] ---
I'll kill you!
[13:57] ---
Sorry for causing you trouble
in such a cramped space, Ronaldo.
[14:01] ---
--It's not cramped--
--But--
[14:04] ---
It was fun.
[14:06] ---
Goodbye, then.
[14:17] ---
Jeez, that man comes
and goes like a storm.
[14:19] ---
Keep a closer eye on him
at your family's place!
[14:22] ---
Now--
[14:24] ---
Sorry for the interruption, everyone!
[14:25] ---
Let's continue the festivities
with Ronaldo's pole dancing!
[14:29] ---
Huh?!
[14:30] ---
Yeah, I was waiting for this!
[14:32] ---
I'm not dancing! This party's over!
[14:33] ---
Aww...
[14:34] ---
Don't "Aww" me! I'm not dancing!
[14:36] ---
'Scuse me! Can we at least
get the bingo prizes?
[14:39] ---
Shut up, loser! I told you,
the party's over!
[14:41] ---
I reserved a venue for the afterparty.
[14:44] ---
Huh?!
[14:45] ---
Someplace spacious.
[14:47] ---
Let's go!
[14:54] ---
It's Dra-Dra All Night Shin-Yoko!
The afterparty venue is hopping!
[14:58] ---
It's pandemonium!
[15:00] ---
Here's today's special guest!
[15:02] ---
The old man called the strongest
storm in the family, Grandfather!
[15:06] ---
Happy Halloween.
[15:08] ---
I'm glad everyone looks
like they're having fun.
[15:11] ---
Now, here we are live at the performance
everyone's been waiting for,
[15:13] ---
Ronaldo's Pole Dancing on Stage--
Japanese Seasons Edition...
[15:17] ---
That's Ronalina Typhoon to you!
[15:20] ---
Sand...!
[15:26] ---
Let's go to the after-afterparty next.
[15:29] ---
The desperate
after-after-after-afterparty!
[15:33] ---
"Five Dumb Matches"
[15:36] ---
The QS4 I've been using
since I lived at the castle...
[15:39] ---
I was just about to subscribe to
Netflips to watch some movies...
[15:44] ---
You've been using it too much,
Shitty Gamer Sand!
[15:46] ---
Who's the idiot who was using it roughly?!
[15:49] ---
I guess we have no choice.
[15:50] ---
We'll have to replace it with a QS5 Pro
Ultra Powerful Grade Justice X2.
[15:55] ---
The one with the really
good image quality?!
[15:57] ---
Yeah, it's said to be able to process
all games at near-lightspeed
[16:00] ---
and can even transform into a small robot.
[16:02] ---
Okay, buy it, Lord Dral.
[16:03] ---
I'm counting on you, Ronaldo.
[16:06] ---
This is where the head of the household
should show his generosity.
[16:08] ---
If it was originally from Castle Draluc,
then the lord of the castle should buy it.
[16:16] ---
If you're going to use it most of the
time, then you should pay for it!
[16:18] ---
You want to watch movies on it, right?
[16:19] ---
It's only as much as 30 trips to the movie
theater. Show you're a man and pay for it!
[16:22] ---
Show the dignity of the lord of a castle!
It hasn't come out once in 12 episodes!
[16:27] ---
Then, you pay for half.
And I'll take half.
[16:30] ---
Don't take it! Jeez...
[16:32] ---
This is a pain! Let's decide
this with violence!
[16:34] ---
Suggest rock-paper-scissors
or something, moron!
[16:36] ---
It'll be even more fair if we
settled this with a video game.
[16:38] ---
That's not fair!
[16:40] ---
Then what would be fair? Come up with
a counter-suggestion, youngster!
[16:43] ---
I don't have one.
[16:44] ---
A skinny and gangly sandman like you
and the handsome and macho
[16:46] ---
Ronaldo the Great wouldn't
be good at the same things.
[16:48] ---
It's true that it'd be hard for me to
converse with someone with monkey brains.
[16:52] ---
Sand!
[16:55] ---
Wait, let's do this then.
[16:58] ---
We'll put different ways to compete
in this and draw randomly.
[17:03] ---
"Chugging cola" "Othello" "Poker"
"Tug-of-war" "Word-chain game"
[17:03] ---
"Chugging cola" "Othello" "Poker"
"Tug-of-war" "Word-chain game"
No hard feelings no matter what
gets drawn! Loser buys the QS5 Pro!
[17:07] ---
"Violence" "Violence" "Violence"
"Violence" "Violence" "Violence"
If I just put "violence" in 100 times--
[17:09] ---
"Violence" "Violence" "Violence"
"Violence" "Violence" "Violence"
If one of those gets drawn,
then you'll lose for breaking the rules.
[17:12] ---
We'll have Mr. Goldie here be the referee.
[17:15] ---
Why don't you just decide
with rock-paper-scissors?
[17:18] ---
Very well. You should each
write about 30 cards.
[17:22] ---
Isn't that too many?!
[17:23] ---
If you write that many,
it'll be more fair.
[17:27] ---
Shall we make it about five matches?
[17:30] ---
No objections here.
[17:31] ---
Then, let's start. Draw the first card!
[17:36] ---
"Staring contest"
[17:37] ---
"Staring contest"
A staring contest? That's a kid's game.
[17:39] ---
"Staring contest"
Shut up!
[17:42] ---
"First Match"
"Staring Contest"
[17:44] ---
We'll do this with milk in our mouths.
First one to spit it out loses.
[17:49] ---
Very well. I accept your challeng--
[17:52] ---
Hey! That's dirty! You lose. I won!
[17:56] ---
That didn't count! I just couldn't
endure the situation any longer!
[17:59] ---
Glub, glub. I already regret
accepting the job of referee.
[18:08] ---
Let's start the staring contest.
Appuppu--
[18:24] ---
You died just now, didn't you?!
You died laughing!
[18:26] ---
No, I didn't! I just bit
the inside of my mouth.
[18:29] ---
Shut up! You lose if you die!
[18:30] ---
You lose if you spit!
You're the one who said that earlie--
[18:33] ---
Hey, Goldie, which is it?!
[18:34] ---
Please change my water...
[18:36] ---
"First Match"
"Draw"
[18:37] ---
"Second Match"
[18:40] ---
I'll beat you down in the second match!
[18:44] ---
"Flexibility contest"
[18:45] ---
"Flexibility contest"
What's this?
[18:46] ---
It looks like you're competing
to see who's more flexible.
[18:49] ---
Are you bragging about how
flexible you are, Ronal-- Gross!
[18:52] ---
You look like you should be crawling
on the bottom of the ocean.
[18:54] ---
Shut up! You try it, too!
[18:58] ---
You're making the shape
of a katakana "ko."
[19:01] ---
That's not making a difference.
[19:01] ---
It's a hiragana "tsu."
[19:03] ---
The conditions for winning
weren't specified,
[19:05] ---
so it could be a match
to see who's less flexible.
[19:07] ---
You lose.
[19:10] ---
Just you watch!
[19:11] ---
Die! Water!
[19:14] ---
Look! Look at how flexible I am now!
Try squeezing me as much as you want!
[19:17] ---
You lose.
[19:19] ---
Hah! I feel bad for John,
but I'll keep winning like this!
[19:22] ---
Why don't you go withdraw money
right now while you can? Huh?
[19:25] ---
"Impressions - It seems like they
might have said it, but they didn't"
What the hell is this?!
[19:27] ---
"Third Match"
As the card says, you're supposed
to do an impression of someone
[19:30] ---
"Third Match"
saying something it seems
they might say, but they didn't.
[19:31] ---
I don't know what that means. Why'd you
make it sound like the slogan for chili oil?
[19:34] ---
I will demonstrate. You can just watch
while sucking on some candy.
[19:38] ---
An impression of Ronaldo
when he's tired after writing--
[19:41] ---
Ah, I wanna touch some boobs!
[19:43] ---
I wouldn't say that!
[19:44] ---
But it sounds like
something you would say.
[19:45] ---
An impression of Ronaldo when he thinks
someone asking for directions is a fan.
[19:51] ---
Oh yes, I'm Ronaldo. Thank you.
I'll give you an autograph if you-- Huh?
[19:56] ---
Oh... yes... Go straight
on the road to the right.
[19:58] ---
I'll kill you!
[19:59] ---
Seems like something he'd do.
[20:01] ---
A-An impression of the damned sand
when he realizes his own standing.
[20:05] ---
Just as expected of Ronaldo
the Great. I can't beat you.
[20:09] ---
Looks like someone doesn't
understand this game. Idiot.
[20:12] ---
It doesn't sound like something I'd
say at all. Minus 200 million points!
[20:15] ---
An impression of Goldie.
[20:17] ---
Glub, glub. It's about time for food--
[20:19] ---
Winner, Draluc.
[20:21] ---
An impression of a fully operating press!
[20:24] ---
Draw the next one, moron!
[20:26] ---
"Fourth Match"
"Haiku"
[20:28] ---
"Fourth Match"
"Haiku"
What kind of match is "haiku"?
[20:29] ---
"Fourth Match"
"Haiku"
Shut up. It's hard to think
of 30 things, idiot.
[20:34] ---
Warble, warble, tweet--
[20:35] ---
Those mountains are so pretty--
There are rivers, too.
[20:38] ---
Ronaldo's looks like a five-year-old's
entry that gets put on a bottle label.
[20:40] ---
"Tea"
Ronaldo's looks like a five-year-old's
entry that gets put on a bottle label.
[20:41] ---
"Tea"
Matsuo Basho's rolling in his grave.
[20:43] ---
"Tea"
Shut up, scum!
[20:47] ---
O, the moon comes out--
[20:49] ---
The moon is beautiful--
It's a moonlit night.
[20:52] ---
Yours isn't much better.
[20:53] ---
He lives on a planet with three moons...
[20:56] ---
Mr. Goldie!
[20:57] ---
What's the verdict?!
[20:58] ---
I want to fart and go to sleep.
[21:01] ---
"1" "2" "3" 4" "5"
"Ronaldo"
"Draluc"
"Fifth Match"
[21:03] ---
You damn bastard! This is the last match!
[21:06] ---
The one who loses is buying the QS5 Pro!
[21:12] ---
"Dance Battle"
[21:37] ---
Wanna just split it?
[21:39] ---
Yeah.
[21:41] ---
All right! The QS5 Pro Ultra
Powerful Grade Justice X2!
[21:45] ---
We got it!
[21:47] ---
Now I can finally play Bio Break 10-2!
[21:49] ---
I can get Netflips and
watch Alien Pole Dancer!
[21:56] ---
"Violence" "Violence"
"Violence" "Violence"
[22:02] ---
Damn sand!
[22:05] ---
Youngster!
[22:54] ---
"Vamima!!!"
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