E1 - Draluc, Friends, Almost Independent

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    "Ronaldo Vampire Hunter Agency"
    "Everyone welcome"
[00:01] ---
    Whoops, sorry.
[00:03] ---
    "No incoming signal."
[00:11] ---
    Are you an idiot?!
    Why did you pull out the power plug of the QS5?!
[00:11] ---
    "Vampire - Draluc"
[00:15] ---
    I said I was sorry!
[00:15] ---
    "Vampire Hunter - Ronaldo"
[00:17] ---
    Shut up, damn gamer!
[00:19] ---
    Huh?!
[00:20] ---
    Whatever. I can't believe this!
[00:23] ---
    I won't stay at an agency like this!
[00:26] ---
    You should've left during
    season one of the anime, moron!
[00:29] ---
    Huh?
[00:30] ---
    "Everyone welcome"
[00:33] ---
    The sign fell off!
[00:36] ---
    Damn it, I hope that bastard doesn't come--
[00:39] ---
    "John the Armadillo"
[00:42] ---
    It'll be just the two of us
    starting today, huh, John?
[00:47] ---
    I'm sorry, John! I was just kidding!
[00:50] ---
    It'll be fine, John. It's Draluc
    we're talking about here.
[00:54] ---
    He'll probably just read some magazines
    at Vamima and then come wandering back.
[01:01] ---
    Man, this week's Champion was great, too.
[01:05] ---
    Now, Ronaldo, have you thought
    about your actions--?
[01:09] ---
    I-It's gone!
[01:12] ---
    A vampire like me with ancient blood
    cannot enter a home uninvited!
[01:18] ---
    "Everyone welcome"
[01:19] ---
    I was able to enter freely thanks to that sign,
    but now I can't go back into the office!
[01:26] ---
    Is Ronaldo seriously trying to throw me out?
[01:31] ---
    If that's how he feels...
[01:34] ---
    Then I really won't go back!
[03:09] ---
    "Draluc, Friends, Almost Independent"
[03:10] ---
    That Draluc bastard still hasn't come home!
[03:14] ---
    And I'm hungry!
[03:16] ---
    I don't care if you leave, but leave
    a late-night snack at least, damn it!
[03:21] ---
    John!
[03:25] ---
    John, you're going to make something for me?
[03:33] ---
    Don't be hasty, John!
[03:35] ---
    Don't worry about it!
    I'll use these eggs to make something.
[03:41] ---
    Now, in order to use a bunch of eggs...
[03:46] ---
    To get the flavor of soup stock...
[03:48] ---
    Veggies, that can of stuff,
    and something... Cheese, maybe?
[03:54] ---
    Um... I made something
    mixing in random stuff I found...
[04:00] ---
    I-I'm sure it'll be edible once it's cooked.
[04:06] ---
    That scared me!
[04:08] ---
    And? You came here to see if someone
    would let you stay with them?
[04:09] ---
    "Vampire Hunter
    [Hook Spider] Shot"
[04:12] ---
    You've got some nerve.
[04:14] ---
    I was going to show you my special
    Draluc-technique of being an unwanted guest.
[04:20] ---
    But the arm guy not being here
    was a miscalculation.
[04:23] ---
    You can use the bed.
    I'll sleep on the floor.
[04:26] ---
    That's probably what would happen,
    but that's mean.
[04:28] ---
    That must have been awful.
    Wanna come to my place?
[04:28] ---
    "Vampire Trainer
    Senya Siriski"
[04:31] ---
    No thanks.
[04:32] ---
    My home is a Chinese restaurant.
    You can stay with me!
[04:32] ---
    "Vampire Hunter
    [Extra-Toppings Chinese Food Girl] Ta Chan"
[04:34] ---
    Whoa! I'll die from the garlic!
[04:37] ---
    We've got space at my parents'
    place. It's a little far, though.
[04:37] ---
    "Vampire Hunter
    [Bear-Killer] Maria"
[04:40] ---
    I can't stay at a church, either!
[04:42] ---
    No, it's a hunter's cabin
    in the Tanzawa Mountains.
[04:45] ---
    Sometimes we get bears.
[04:46] ---
    Oh, yeah, you're a Matagi!
[04:48] ---
    My place is close, and I've even got a room
    in the basement just for vampires!
[04:52] ---
    No thanks!
[04:53] ---
    It comes with all kinds of amenities! There's
    wi-fi! And the bath is spacious and clean!
[04:56] ---
    No thanks!
[04:58] ---
    It's fine! You just have
    to wear this little thing.
[05:00] ---
    No thank-- Ahh!
[05:02] ---
    I'll be leaving now!
[05:07] ---
    Why didn't he ask me?
[05:14] ---
    Crap, is that a client?
[05:16] ---
    Yes, this is Ronaldo--
[05:18] ---
    'Evening!
[05:20] ---
    We're from Vampire Hunter Weekly!
[05:21] ---
    "Vampire Hunter Weekly Reporter - Kameya"
    "Vampire Hunter Weekly Reporter - Rokuon"
[05:23] ---
    I'm looking forward to today's interview!
[05:26] ---
    R-Right... Th-Then,
    what should I talk about...?
[05:30] ---
    Oh, today's interview is with Draluc.
[05:35] ---
    Huh?
[05:36] ---
    Oh, no, no, no, it's nothing...
[05:39] ---
    Just a moment!
[05:41] ---
    Here, this is Draluc.
[05:42] ---
    He's round, though?!
[05:44] ---
    Oh, well, it doesn't matter
    as long as we write an article.
[05:47] ---
    Draluc, anything you want to say first?
[05:55] ---
    Hey, Lord Dral--
[05:55] ---
    I can't answer the phone right now.
[05:58] ---
    Damn it! Where is he?!
[06:01] ---
    Hey, sorry for the sudden intrusion.
SIGN    "Kanagawa Prefectural Police Vampire Control Division Tou Handa"
[06:05] ---
    Good evening and thanks for having me.
[06:06] ---
    Hah. This is just to get more dirt on Ronaldo.
[06:10] ---
    "Handa"
[06:10] ---
    A dhampir friend is a good thing to have.
[06:13] ---
    Mother also just happened to be gone on a trip.
[06:17] ---
    But if she comes back suddenly,
    then I'll kill you.
[06:20] ---
    Can't you just say you'll kick me out?
[06:23] ---
    Thanks for having m--
[06:25] ---
    What?!
[06:26] ---
    Don't worry about it.
    It's Mom--my mother's personal stuff.
[06:26] ---
    "The War Chronicles of Ronaldo"
[06:31] ---
    Hang in there, me!
    It's still within expectations!
[06:35] ---
    My room's on the second floor.
[06:37] ---
    Oh, okay.
[06:40] ---
    Thanks again for having m...
[06:42] ---
    "Idiot!"
[06:46] ---
    I'll let you have some hot celery tea!
[06:49] ---
    This is a Ronaldo cushion that
    screams when you step on it!
[06:53] ---
    I didn't know they made merch like that!
[06:55] ---
    I made it myself.
[06:57] ---
    I'll be leaving now!
[07:03] ---
    Oh, no. If I keep dawdling, the day will dawn.
[07:06] ---
    All right, I'll go back to the office!
[07:10] ---
    This part isn't anyone's home,
    so I should just barely be able to get in.
[07:13] ---
    And then I'll build a base below the floor.
[07:17] ---
    Ronaldo, this is what "it's hard to see
    what's under your nose" means.
[07:25] ---
    The burdock root from
    back then was still alive?!
[07:30] ---
    It's only natural that you'd
    be burning for revenge!
[07:41] ---
    Since it's come to this, I'll turn into
    a bat and fly to the office window!
[07:45] ---
    If I can get John's attention,
    I'm sure he'll let me in!
[07:48] ---
    Transform!
[07:57] ---
    This is my grossest transformation yet!
[08:03] ---
    The pigeons think I'm an enemy! Stop it!
[08:06] ---
    Now the chickens have joined in! Why?!
[08:09] ---
    Ostriches...!
[08:19] ---
    --You have reached--
[08:19] ---
    --Damn it!
    --You have reached--
[08:21] ---
    What's that idiot doing?!
[08:30] ---
    Ronaldo!
[08:32] ---
    --Die!
    --Sand...
[08:38] ---
    It was your fault...
[08:42] ---
    ...that the sign fell off.
[08:44] ---
    Put it back up later.
[08:46] ---
    "Ronaldo Vampire Hunter Agency"
[08:46] ---
    O-Oh, right...
SIGN    "Vamp Weekly" "Exclusive" "Interview with a Vampire Becomes an Armadillo Exposé!!" "Nu!! Nu, nu, nu!!! Nu, nu, nu-nu, nu-nuu nu-nu-nu, nu-nu-nu"
[08:55] ---
    "Go, Ghost Hunters"
SIGN    "Kameya" "Today" "You free? Let's go drinking tonight! We can meet there"
[08:58] ---
    Kameya's invited me to go out drinking.
[09:00] ---
    Kameya... The reporter from Vamp Weekly?
[09:04] ---
    Which means, you'll be tricked tonight
    into doing some weird project,
[09:08] ---
    like, "Ronaldo vs. Strange Foods!
    You can't go home until you finish it all!"
[09:08] ---
    "Take a bite and spit it out!!"
[09:11] ---
    I'm not going to do that!
[09:12] ---
    --Sand...
[09:13] ---
    --There are times we just go out
    drinking and eating normally!
    --Sand...
[09:14] ---
    --There are times we just go out
    drinking and eating normally!
[09:16] ---
    Despite everything, we've been friends
    since high school, after all.
[09:20] ---
    You might be the only one who
    thinks of you guys as friends.
[09:23] ---
    Why would you say something like that?!
[09:25] ---
    Don't underestimate our friendship!
[09:26] ---
    Die!
[09:29] ---
    Yes. I can already see what's coming.
[09:32] ---
    "Yabe Hospital"
[09:32] ---
    Okay, now that we're all here...
[09:35] ---
    Let's start Vamp Weekly's special project--
[09:37] ---
    "Ronaldo vs. A Ghost?!
    Uncover the Bizarre Truth, Hunter!"
[09:41] ---
    We can start by gathering material.
[09:43] ---
    Ahh, I was tricked!
[09:46] ---
    Stop screwing around! I was really looking
    forward to a fun drinking party!
[09:50] ---
    You should've known when you saw that
    we were meeting at an abandoned hospital.
[09:53] ---
    You're an idiot with no imagination, as usual.
[09:56] ---
    Handa! What the hell are you doing here?!
[09:59] ---
    He said he's here as an assistant slash
    person-in-charge-of-making-fun-of-Ronaldo.
[10:02] ---
    Was I the only one who
    thought of us as friends...?
[10:07] ---
    Anyway, what's with this hospital?
    It's super scary!
[10:09] ---
    It's one of those haunted spots
    that are popular recently.
[10:13] ---
    You can see things here...
[10:17] ---
    Like the hospital director who
    killed himself wandering around...
[10:20] ---
    Or a bunch of children's ghosts
    gathered together who want to play...
[10:24] ---
    There were even people who
    came here for a test of courage
[10:26] ---
    who say they really saw something
    or were attacked by something.
[10:30] ---
    But you know, it's possible that it was
    all caused by a vampire, too, right?
[10:34] ---
    So, Ronaldo, you're here to investigate
    and hunt whatever it is down!
[10:37] ---
    Don't you think it'd make a great article?
[10:39] ---
    If it really is a ghost,
    then we'll change it to "Cursed Ronaldo!
[10:42] ---
    Is There Any Way to Save Him?!
    Special Feature," okay?
[10:45] ---
    We're friends, right, Kameya?!
[10:47] ---
    Wahh! "Artist's rendering of Cursed-aldo."
[10:52] ---
    I'm gonna punch you, Handa,
    I'll punch you, I really will, Handa!
[10:56] ---
    Start exploring!
[11:00] ---
    "It came out"
[11:08] ---
    This place has a nice atmosphere.
[11:16] ---
    What's wrong, Kameya?
[11:18] ---
    Oh, nothing...
[11:24] ---
    Some dumb suckers have come wandering in again!
[11:28] ---
    I, the great vampire, Transparent Lower Body,
    will suck up all your blood!
[11:28] ---
    "Vampire - Transparent Lower Body"
[11:33] ---
    "Idiot"
[11:34] ---
    If I pretend to be a ghost,
    I can trick the hunter,
[11:36] ---
    and the urge to see something
    scary will lure in the idiot.
[11:39] ---
    It's the perfect plan!
    Now, who should I start with for dinner?
[11:44] ---
    I sense a vampire.
[11:46] ---
    Really, Handa? Where?
[11:47] ---
    Idiot. The vampire's close.
[11:50] ---
    Crap! They figured it out already!
    Damn it, that guy was a dhampir?!
[11:54] ---
    That guy could cause trouble-- Huh?
[11:58] ---
    Found you, Vampire!
[12:02] ---
    Oh, it's just the Land Clione.
[12:03] ---
    Why's there a Clione here?
[12:05] ---
    I let it loose earlier to scout.
[12:07] ---
    You walk around with that thing?!
[12:09] ---
    I'll collect it later.
    We're looking for ghosts right now.
[12:14] ---
    Collect it now!
[12:16] ---
    Damn it, my clothes are high-leg now!
[12:19] ---
    You can't tell because my lower
    body's transparent, but they are!
[12:23] ---
    Damn it, I'll suck all their blood!
[12:26] ---
    Although going up against all three of them
    at once might be a little dangerous.
[12:29] ---
    I'll pretend to be a ghost and
    scare them to separate them.
[12:33] ---
    Just watch... I'll give you
    a taste of extraordinary terror!
[12:40] ---
    This place is kind of chilly...
[12:43] ---
    Really? You're not just getting
    chills because you're scared...?
[12:47] ---
    "Nurses' Station"
[12:49] ---
    What's that? Handprints on the window...?
[12:53] ---
    I want a shot at just the right moment!
    I wonder if it'll come again...
[12:56] ---
    How can you be so carefree---?
[13:00] ---
    What's the matter, Handa?
[13:08] ---
    Th-The shelf...
[13:10] ---
    What the hell?
[13:13] ---
    They're scared! They're scared!
    And now, for the finishing touch!
[13:19] ---
    Come, be scared!
[13:22] ---
    Be scared and run around trying to escape!
[13:28] ---
    We are, at this moment,
    in the middle of a haunting!
[13:33] ---
    Change of plan!
    We'll do a last-minute internet stream!
[13:36] ---
    Vamp Weekly's Kameya and his friends
    experiencing a real life haunting!
[13:41] ---
    What?!
[13:43] ---
    Ronaldo! Please try to get cursed by this doll!
[13:48] ---
    No way! You do it yourself!
[13:51] ---
    You're right! It would be interesting
    for the reporter himself to be cursed.
[13:55] ---
    --Come on, give me a good one on the first try!
[13:57] ---
    --Huh...?
    --Come on, give me a good one on the first try!
[13:58] ---
    Oh, no! The cute little cursed doll
    I spent so much time making!
[14:02] ---
    Damn it...
[14:03] ---
    It's not over yet! Take a blow
    from these knockout scare goods!
[14:05] ---
    "Remote-controlled arm (homemade)"
    "Cost of production: 49,000 yen"
[14:07] ---
    Bawl your eyes out! Run away in a panic!
[14:12] ---
    What's that? Someone's arm?!
[14:14] ---
    No, it's celery come to life!
[14:21] ---
    My cute little remote-controlled arm!
[14:23] ---
    You killed it, didn't you? Now you'll be
    haunted by the celery's ghost!
[14:28] ---
    I've been cursed...!
[14:30] ---
    All right, come here! I'll make you my dinner!
[14:32] ---
    Cursed-cele...!
[14:35] ---
    You idiot human!
[14:39] ---
    Huh?
[14:41] ---
    All right, I've got him!
[14:45] ---
    This guy's lower body is transparent.
    He looks like a ghost.
[14:49] ---
    So it was a vampire after all! Well done.
[14:53] ---
    Did you see that? It's just like I said!
[14:55] ---
    Wh-What's the meaning of this?
[14:58] ---
    We knew you were here a long time ago.
[15:01] ---
    There was a presence other than the Clione's.
    We put on a little act for you.
[15:08] ---
    You're the one terrorizing
    the public, aren't you?!
[15:11] ---
    The handprints on the windows and
    the hair in the walls were scary, damn it!
[15:14] ---
    Give us the details behind your tricks!
[15:16] ---
    U-U-U-Um... i-it was just a sudden impulse...
[15:20] ---
    Huh?
[15:21] ---
    Handprints on the windows?
[15:23] ---
    All I did was make the shelf
    fall down and prepare the doll...
[15:36] ---
    Let's play...
[15:57] ---
    Oh, that really happened?
[16:00] ---
    Yeah.
[16:01] ---
    I learned that there are things in this world
    you shouldn't touch recklessly.
[16:07] ---
    Kameya!
[16:09] ---
    Ronaldo, about that real one...
SIGN    "Vamp Weekly" "A real ghost" "In-depth special!!"
[16:12] ---
    I got some really good shots,
    so you should take a look!
[16:15] ---
    I'm really proud of the write-up, too!
[16:16] ---
    You wrote an article about it?!
[16:18] ---
    It's selling like crazy!
[16:20] ---
    "Real ghost pics
    100 yen/picture"
[16:21] ---
    Okay, everyone!
[16:23] ---
    Welcome to the haunted house with a real ghost!
[16:26] ---
    Acchan, we've got guests!
[16:30] ---
    Yay!
[16:33] ---
    Let's play...!
[16:35] ---
    "Name: Acchan"
[16:36] ---
    Nice to meet you!
[16:39] ---
    "Draluc the Silent Jammer"
[16:48] ---
    Crap, crap, crap, I can't make the deadline!
[16:50] ---
    The War Chronicles of Ronaldo:
    Side Story deadline is today!
[16:53] ---
    At this rate, Mr. Fukuma will disappear
    something important to me!
[16:57] ---
    Crap, crap, crap, crap,
    crap, crap, crap, crap...
[16:59] ---
    No, calm down, Ronaldo!
[17:01] ---
    You've experienced this crisis many times,
    and you've overcome it every time!
[17:05] ---
    All right, this'll work! I can do it!
[17:07] ---
    If I focus and write for two hours straight,
    I think I can make it! Probably!
[17:14] ---
    Now, to sharpen my mind and dive into the zone!
[17:30] ---
    I'm concentrating on my writing here, moron!
[17:33] ---
    If you make another sound,
    I'll plant a tomato plant in your ashes!
[17:49] ---
    Calm down, Ronaldo. You'll just be doing
    what he wants if you react.
[17:53] ---
    The killing can come later! Kill him later!
    Kill him dead two trillion times later!
[17:59] ---
    Just ignore him for now.
[18:00] ---
    I won't break my concentration
    no matter what you do!
[18:15] ---
    Don't do that with a straight face!
    I'll see it in my dreams!
[18:18] ---
    You're not even the type
    to do this kind of thing!
[18:21] ---
    Why do you only put your body on
    the line when you're bothering me?!
[18:24] ---
    Damn it, I'm ignoring you!
    Go and be out of character on your own!
[18:30] ---
    "1st Ever Ronaldo Impressions Contest"
[18:32] ---
    Don't prepare props, too!
[18:35] ---
    "Ronaldo when the salad he orders
    at a restaurant has celery in it"
[18:38] ---
    I'll kill you! My eyebrows don't
    look like that! I'll kill you!
[18:41] ---
    "Ronaldo when he smells boots that were worn
    for a long time and thinks, 'This stinks!'"
[18:43] ---
    You, too, John?!
[18:45] ---
    "Next, the Pantomime Contest"
[18:46] ---
    Don't move on to the next thing!
[18:51] ---
    You're so bad at it, too! I can't tell
    a single thing you're trying to pantomime!
[18:55] ---
    You're just an old guy
    messing around by yourself!
[18:58] ---
    Your movements are the same
    as the dance from earlier!
[19:00] ---
    They're all mixed up now! You can't
    keep it straight either, can you?
[19:03] ---
    Don't flip it back!
[19:04] ---
    Don't pretend that part didn't happen
    just because it didn't go over well!
[19:09] ---
    "Ronaldo when he's explaining how big
    the boobs on the lady he passed earlier were"
[19:09] ---
    I thought at least you
    would be on my side, John!
[19:13] ---
    No, that's not it. John's kind, so he's
    just trying to make me relax! John!
[19:18] ---
    Yeah! It's just that damn Dral!
[19:20] ---
    I'm never going along with
    your stupid games again!
[19:24] ---
    Concentrate on work...
SIGN    "Variety Draluc" "Guess the Illustration What's this drawing?"
[19:33] ---
    "Answer: Zebra"
[19:33] ---
    You're so bad at this!
[19:35] ---
    You call that a zebra?!
    I can barely tell that it's an animal!
[19:39] ---
    If I were the director,
    I'd break the board on my knee!
[19:39] ---
    "#2"
[19:42] ---
    I can't believe you can so confidently
    put out another one like that!
[19:52] ---
    "Answer: Armadillo"
[19:52] ---
    That's the same as a zebra!
[19:55] ---
    Now you're just trying to look like it!
[19:57] ---
    Damn it! Damn it!
    Calm down, Ronaldo.
[20:01] ---
    Be cool! Be cool.
    You lose if you react.
[20:04] ---
    Work. Do your work. Get in the zone.
[20:08] ---
    Focus your mind on the words--
[20:09] ---
    "a zebra was"
[20:14] ---
    That's it! I'm not looking anymore!
    Focus on the screen!
[20:18] ---
    I'm not lifting my face again!
[20:22] ---
    Monkey? What kind of message is that?
[20:25] ---
    Are you trying to say that I'm like a monkey?
[20:30] ---
    There's another one! And it's evolved a little!
[20:33] ---
    Oh... Four million years of human history
    are being recreated on my desk!
[20:39] ---
    I wonder why they're always stepping
    with their right foot in these images...
[20:44] ---
    No! Narrow your vision!
    Focus, Ronaldo, on work!
[20:53] ---
    Don't you step with your right foot, too!
[20:56] ---
    I'll turn around! I'll work facing the back!
[20:59] ---
    Serves you right! Now you won't
    be able to get in my field of vision!
[21:04] ---
    Goodbye, Lord Dral!
[21:09] ---
    Damn it!
[21:10] ---
    You're all trying to bug me--
[21:17] ---
    "Start"
[21:23] ---
    Don't mess up there!
[21:25] ---
    After constructing something so big,
    why didn't you figure out the details properly?!
[21:29] ---
    Anyway, how could you use John as a ball agai--?
[21:34] ---
    Ronaldo.
[21:35] ---
    Wait. I know.
[21:37] ---
    But first, please allow me to sing a song.
[21:40] ---
    That's fine. Go ahead.
[21:45] ---
    I knew (I knew)
[21:48] ---
    I knew (I knew)
[21:51] ---
    I knew what the punchline would be
[21:57] ---
    I knew (I knew)
[21:59] ---
    I knew Oh
[22:03] ---
    From about the second page, I knew
[22:11] ---
    I knew
[22:23] ---
    Actually, if anything
[22:28] ---
    I could kind of feel it coming
[22:34] ---
    From the first page
[22:36] ---
    I knew
[22:40] ---
    (Nu Nu Nu Nu)
[22:41] ---
    I knew (I knew)
[22:44] ---
    I knew (I knew)
[22:47] ---
    I knew what the punchline would be
[22:52] ---
    I knew (I knew)
[22:55] ---
    I knew Oh
[22:59] ---
    Kill Draluc
[23:01] ---
    And then the summer ends
[23:06] ---
    Nu Nu Nu Nu
[23:18] ---
    "A new land"
[23:22] ---
    "I pray for your continued good fortune in war"
[23:28] ---
    Hey, armed deployment--
[23:29] ---
    Stop that, idiot! Shut up!
[23:30] ---
    Will yelling make you stron--?
[23:31] ---
    I said, stop it!
[23:36] ---
    The vampire dies in no time.
[23:39] ---
    
[23:41] ---