E1 - Rent-a-Girlfriend

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Kazuya
    I'm Kinoshita Kazuya, twenty years old,
[00:05] Kazuya
    and I'm a college student
    living by myself in Tokyo.
[00:08] K
    Fun fact: I have a girlfriend.
[00:11] K
    I repeat:
[00:13] K
    I have a girlfriend!
[00:16] Mami
    Sorry!
[00:16] Mami
    I've fallen in love with someone else!
    Let's break up, okay?
SIGN    Let's break up, okay?
SIGN    What?
[00:23] K
    I got dumped!
[00:29] K
    She was the first girlfriend I ever had...
[00:34] K
    And she dumped me after just one month?
SIGN    Tried to casually hold her hand
[00:39] K
    Mami-chan...
[00:40] K
    I tried so many things to bring us closer.
SIGN    All-nighter at a pub
[00:43] (Flashback) M
    I should go catch the last train.
[00:45] (Flashback) K
    Oh, yeah! Nothing beats taking
    a train to get back home, huh?
SIGN     You are blocked from following @pyon-pyon210
    and viewing @pyon-pyon210's Tweets.

[00:50] K
    She blocked me.
[00:52] K
    Don't tell me...
[00:53] K
    She's already moved on and gone
    all the way with the new guy?!
SIGN    Torment
[00:58] K
    This sucks!
SIGN    Torment
[00:59] K
    And why am I getting turned on?
SIGN    Torment
[01:01] K
    Junior's a big boy now! He's ready to move out!
[01:13] Sign
    Japan's most popular
    Rent-a-Girlfriend site!
[01:13] Sign
    Install
[01:13] Sign
    A gem of an app that heals your soul...
[01:13] Sign
    134 reviews
[01:15] K
    Rent-a-Girlfriend?
[01:17] Sign
    Spend a dreamlike time
    with our talents!
[01:19] Sign
    You're free to choose your girlfriend!
[01:21] Sign
    For just 5,000 yen per hour!
[01:23] Sign
    Perfect if you're worried or stressed out about your love life!
[01:55] K
    Man, I've had it.
[01:59] K
    Like... I'm just... fed up with it all.
[02:07] Sign
    Mizuhara Chizuru
SIGN    A pure and refined
    high-class girlfriend
SIGN    "Rent-a-Girlfriend"
[02:13] Sign
    Tokyo Underground
[02:13] Sign
    Ikebukuro Station
[02:15] K
    What am I doing here?
[02:17] K
    I bet the girl's gonna be fugly
    without all the filters.
[02:20] Chizuru
    An orange shirt and striped pants...
[02:30] Chizuru
    You must be Kazuya-kun, right?
[02:34] Sign
    Café Kanoir
[02:34] C
    You're in college? What year?
[02:37] K
    F-First year.
[02:38] C
    What? Me, too!
[02:40] K
    Oh, but I took a gap year.
[02:42] C
    Ah, you're older than me, then.
[02:45] C
    Oops.
[02:45] K
    Damn...
[02:48] K
    She's hot!
[02:50] K
    Anyone dating her would be living the life!
[02:55] K
    Whoa.
[02:56] C
    Hey, uh...
[02:59] C
    Do you mind?
[03:04] K
    Oh, sure.
[03:06] K
    Crap... I wanna leave.
[03:11] K
    I wanna go home and sleep.
[03:18] K
    Oh, so we're following
    the date plan I sent by text.
[03:23] C
    This is my first time at an aquarium.
[03:26] K
    Really? That's unusual.
[03:29] C
    Wow, that fish is cute.
[03:31] K
    Oh, that's the glowlight tetra.
[03:34] C
    Do you know a lot about fish?
[03:35] K
    I-I guess? I love hitting up aquariums.
[03:39] C
    Wow!
[03:41] C
    I'm so glad my first
    aquarium visit was with you!
[04:09] C
    Well, I had lots of fun today.
[04:11] C
    Thanks, Kazuya-kun! See you!
[04:25] Sign
    The Head-over-Heels for Mizuhara Chizuru Thread
[04:27] Sign
    It's Anon's Fault
[04:27] Sign
    she held my hand at the end too, lol
[04:29] Sign
    It's Anon's Fault
[04:29] Sign
    She was only businesslike at first
[04:29] Sign
    I had fun after that
[04:31] Sign
    It's Anon's Fault
[04:31] Sign
    The "see you" -> bright smile
    totally makes you wanna repeat lol
[04:33] Sign
    It's Anon's Fault
[04:33] Sign
    I'm glad I wasn't the only one to fall for her,
    but there's way too many of you guys!!!
[04:37] K
    O-Outrageous!
[04:39] K
    It was all an act?!
[04:42] K
    Holding hands before the end
    is just part of her routine?!
[04:45] K
    How dare she toy with my heart?!
[04:47] Sign
    Anonymous
[04:47] Sign
    She was a moron who didn't even know
    the names of common fish
[04:48] K
    "She was a moron who didn't even
    know the names of common fish."
[04:52] Sign
    Credit (yen)
[04:52] Sign
    Balance (yen)
[04:53] (Flashback) Kazuo
    Use this to get by.
[04:56] (Flashback) Kazuo
    I will not send you any more
    money for living expenses.
[05:00] (Flashback) Kazuo
    Make sure you don't get swept up
    in campus life and waste it all.
[05:04] (Flashback) K
    Are you stupid?
[05:05] (Flashback) K
    I'm not going to college to have fun!
[05:14] K
    I just...
[05:16] K
    I just need to give her a piece of my mind!
[05:19] C
    Kazuya-kun! Did you wait long?
[05:22] C
    Sorry, it took me a while to set my hair.
[05:24] C
    I was worried you might not like this hairdo.
[05:28] C
    What do you think?
[05:30] K
    I-I don't hate it or anything.
[05:33] C
    Thank goodness!
[05:34] K
    Damn it! She's so cute!
[05:37] Sign
    Café Kanoir
[05:39] C
    Fee received. Thank you.
[05:43] K
    Hey, doesn't it make you feel empty inside?
[05:46] ---
    Huh?
[05:48] K
    Y'know, going on dates
    with guys you don't even like,
[05:52] K
    and getting paid for it.
[05:56] K
    Doesn't it get to you?
[05:58] C
    No. I love this job.
[06:03] C
    I get to meet people like you, after all.
[06:07] Sign
    Flea Market 150 yen
[06:07] W
    Will one bag do for the mister and missus?
[06:11] W
    Here.
[06:12] K
    Huh? W-We're not ma—
[06:14] C
    We're dating!
[06:17] K
    No, we're not even that.
[06:21] K
    We're total strangers,
[06:22] K
    aren't we?
[06:25] K
    Technically.
[06:27] W
    Oh, uh... I guess I'll split your purchases up.
[06:33] C
    Sure. We can be whatever
    you want us to be, Kazuya-kun.
[06:40] C
    Look, Kazuya-kun! Neon tetras!
[06:43] K
    Oh, yeah.
[06:44] C
    Cute!
[06:47] C
    Garden eels hide in the sand
    because they're afraid, right?
[06:48] K
    Wow... She must've read up on them.
[06:53] K
    She did her homework... all for today's date.
[06:59] K
    Enough already.
[07:03] K
    Seriously, what is that gonna achieve?
[07:07] K
    Is that just your professionalism?
    It's meaningless!
[07:10] K
    Not like these relationships
    last more than a day!
[07:12] C
    Hey, what's gotten into you, Kazuya-kun?
[07:15] K
    You just break up immediately!
[07:18] K
    It doesn't matter how much
    you care for your partner!
[07:27] C
    Let's get out of here.
[07:32] K
    I know that was stupid...
[07:36] K
    But I got it off my chest!
[07:40] K
    Why do all these girls
    get into fake relationships
[07:43] K
    with people they don't even like?!
[07:53] C
    Okay, look...
[07:55] C
    What is wrong with you? Are you stupid?!
[07:57] C
    Yelling like that in a public place...
    Way to get everyone's eyes on us!
[08:00] C
    What's your problem, anyway?
[08:02] C
    All day you've been like, "Don't you feel
    empty inside?" and "We're total strangers!"
[08:05] C
    Seriously, are you stupid?
[08:06] K
    U-Uh...
[08:07] C
    I'm your rental girlfriend!
    This is just how it works!
[08:11] C
    Weren't you the one who made the request?!
[08:13] C
    You saw the user agreement
    and clicked "I agree," didn't you?!
[08:16] K
    I did... I'm sorry.
[08:17] C
    Also, why did you give
    me a one-star review?!
[08:21] C
    Did I do anything wrong on our date?!
[08:24] C
    That brought my rating down
    a whole 0.3 points, you know!
[08:27] C
    I'd only ever gotten
    five-star reviews before that.
[08:30] K
    Here we go.
[08:30] C
    And I'm proud of that fact!
[08:31] K
    This is the real Mizuhara Chizuru.
[08:32] C
    I've always given this job
    my all, including this date.
[08:35] C
    I don't even like fish, but I went and
    bought a book about them for this date,
[08:36] K
    She's a completely different person than before.
[08:38] C
    and this is how you treat me?!
[08:40] K
    All I can say for sure is...
[08:42] C
    Could you not get in the way of my work?
[08:44] C
    I can't believe you!
[08:45] C
    Ugh, this sucks! Guess I'm getting
    another one-star review!
SIGN    I'm sorry...
[08:49] K
    I'm totally in the wrong.
[08:50] C
    So, what now?
[08:53] C
    Do you want to continue?
[08:54] Sign
    We
     still have time.
[08:55] C
    I'll tag along if you want to keep going.
[09:01] K
    Hello? What?
[09:03] C
    Hey! We're not done talking here!
[09:04] K
    What? Seriously?
[09:06] K
    Got it!
[09:10] K
    My grandma collapsed...
[09:12] C
    Huh?
[09:13] K
    I gotta go!
[09:15] C
    H-Hey!
[09:17] C
    You still have time left!
[09:21] Sign
    Itabashi Third Hospital
[09:25] Nagomi
    It's not such a big deal. I only fainted.
[09:28] Harumi
    But of course we would worry, Mother!
    Your health is important!
[09:33] Kazuo
    Mom, you need to realize that
    you aren't young anymore.
[09:36] Kazuo
    We do have a shop to run...
[09:38] Kazuo
    And this isn't the first time
    you've been hospitalized.
[09:41] N
    Does this room have Wi-Fi?
[09:43] H
    The phone is probably a bad idea...
[09:45] Kaz
    I'll get you some magazines for senior citizens!
[09:47] H
    Would you like something soft to eat?
[09:49] N
    Don't act like I'm on my last legs!
[09:51] N
    Anyway,
[09:53] N
    who might that young lady be?
[09:55] H
    I brought her in because she was with Kazuya.
[09:58] H
    Are you his classmate from college?
[10:01] C
    E-Er...
[10:03] H
    You couldn't be his girlfriend, right?
SIGN    hahaha
SIGN    Not happening
    with Kazuya.
SIGN    We are talking
    about Kazuya here.
SIGN    Kazuya
SIGN    Kazuya
SIGN    Kazuya
[10:06] Kaz
    No way, honey. This is Kazuya we're talking about.
[10:08] H
    Right. It's Kazuya.
[10:12] N
    Kazuya?
[10:17] K
    G-Girlfriend...
[10:20] K
    She's my girlfriend!
[10:36] C
    It's a pleasure to meet you.
[10:37] C
    My name is Mizuhara Chizuru.
SIGN    Rent-a-Girlfriend
[10:43] C
    It's a pleasure to meet you.
[10:44] C
    My name is Mizuhara Chizuru.
[10:51] K
    Perfect.
[10:53] C
    It's a shame I had to introduce myself
    under such circumstances,
[10:57] C
    but I'm glad to meet you all nonetheless.
[11:02] N
    Get me discharged!
[11:04] Bo
    What?!
[11:06] N
    We need to get home and prepare for a party!
SIGN    Rip
SIGN    Rip
SIGN    Can we really manage
    a full-scale welcome party?!
[11:09] Kaz
    Don't be absurd, Mom!
[11:09] Sign
    You should get
    other tests done
    while you're here!
[11:11] N
    Listen to yourself!
[11:13] N
    Kazuya's brought home
    a real hale and hearty hottie!
[11:15] C
    H-Hale and hearty hottie?!
[11:15] Sign
    Hale and hearty
    hottie!?
[11:17] N
    Can you believe it? Our Kazuya...
[11:19] Kaz
    Mom!
[11:20] N
    He has such a beautiful girlfriend!
    Do you have any idea what this means?!
[11:24] N
    Our Kazuya, of all people!
[11:27] N
    After showing no signs of anything resembling
    a love life for twenty whole years...
[11:32] N
    Kazuya... Our Kazuya has...
[11:39] Kaz
    We're heading back to the store.
    Watch over her, Kazuya.
[11:43] K
    Sure.
[11:44] Kaz
    And make sure you walk
    your girlfriend back, okay?
[11:46] H
    Chizuru-san, come visit our home sometime.
[11:50] C
    Thank you.
[11:54] N
    By the way, you two...
[11:56] N
    Have you had sex already?
[11:59] K
    Gran!
[12:00] N
    Physical compatibility matters
    a lot in a marriage.
[12:04] K
    M-Marriage?
[12:06] C
    Kazuya-san and I have talked about it.
[12:09] C
    We both want to take these things seriously.
[12:13] C
    He's your family's eldest son, so we wanted
    to hold off until we had your approval.
[12:18] K
    Her ad-libbing skill is on point!
[12:22] N
    Do it! You have my permission!
[12:24] N
    Day or night, whenever! As much as you want!
[12:26] K
    Gran!
[12:29] C
    If you say so...
[12:32] C
    I guess we could.
[12:32] Sign
    This is an act
[12:33] K
    This is an act!
[12:35] K
    This is an act! It's all an act!
[12:37] N
    Oh, right! Let me go get the other old girls!
[12:41] C
    Others?
[12:42] N
    They asked me to introduce my
    grandson's girlfriend if he ever got one!
[12:46] C
    Hey, what's going on here?
[12:47] Sign
    You didn't mention
    any of this!
[12:49] K
    Oh, this is the third time
    she's been hospitalized here.
[12:51] Sign
    Sucks, right?
[12:53] K
    It seems she's made quite a few friends here.
[12:55] C
    What do I do? This is bad!
[12:57] K
    Why are you panicking?
[12:58] Sign
    Did I do
    something wrong?
[13:00] C
    She's here...
[13:03] C
    My grandma's an in-patient at this hospital, too.
[13:07] K
    What?!
[13:08] C
    I haven't told her anything
    about the rental girlfriend job.
[13:12] K
    Isn't that really bad news?
[13:14] C
    That's exactly what I said!
[13:16] C
    Anyway, I need to get out of here!
[13:18] K
    Hey...
[13:19] N
    Follow me, everyone.
[13:21] N
    She's a real babe, I tell you!
[13:23] N
    I've never seen a girl that hot!
[13:24] K
    Crap! They're here!
[13:26] C
    This way!
[13:27] N
    Try not to collapse in shock, Tanaka-san.
[13:32] Tanaka
    I'll be just fine!
[13:34] N
    The rest of you watch out for heart attacks, too!
[13:36] Old
    I can't wait...
[13:37] N
    Huh? They're gone.
[13:38] K
    A vacant room?
[13:39] N
    They were here just a minute ago!
[13:41] N
    It's true! Believe me!
[13:42] Old
    We're not doubting you, Kinoshita-san.
[13:42] C
    It's only a matter of time
    before they find us here.
[13:44] N
    They can't have gone too far.
[13:46] K
    Wanna exit through the window?
[13:46] Old
    Let's look for them!
[13:48] C
    We're on the fifth floor, you know.
SIGN    Fifth floor
    (15m high)
[13:49] K
    Then what do we do?
[13:51] C
    We'll have to leave one at a time.
[13:53] K
    You go first and distract them.
[13:56] C
    I'll use that chance to get outside.
[13:59] K
    Distract them? How?
[14:01] C
    Figure that out yourself!
[14:02] N
    Did anyone check this room?
[14:04] Old
    I thought that room was unoccupied.
[14:07] N
    Let's check it just in case.
[14:09] K
    Th-They're coming!
[14:11] C
    Get over here!
[14:16] N
    Not here, either?
[14:19] N
    Where art thou, Chizuru?
[14:23] N
    Kazuya?
[14:23] K
    Hey, what's the big idea?!
[14:26] C
    Keep it down, stupid!
[14:28] K
    Easy for you to say!
[14:32] K
    This is...
[14:34] K
    the biggest crisis of all!
[14:41] C
    What in the world is wrong with you?!
[14:43] K
    Nothing! It's not my fault!
[14:45] K
    It's a natural response for
    any twenty-year-old guy!
[14:50] C
    Get it back down right now!
[14:52] K
    I can't, okay? I just can't!
[14:55] C
    If you keep it up, I'll report you to the agency.
[14:59] K
    Don't move! You're making it worse!
[15:01] N
    Uh...
[15:03] N
    Are you all right?
[15:08] C
    I...
[15:09] C
    I'm fine, thank you.
[15:11] N
    That's good.
[15:12] N
    If I may ask, have you seen
     a young couple around?
[15:17] C
    I-I heard them talking about
    leaving the hospital.
[15:22] N
    Really? Thank you!
[15:24] N
    The targets are outside!
[15:29] K
    Looks like she's gone.
[15:31] C
    Yeah...
[15:39] K
    This range is l-lethal...
[15:43] K
    What a slender...
[15:45] K
    and soft... body!
[15:50] K
    Wait, right now...
[15:55] K
    She's my girlfriend, isn't she?
[16:00] C
    Like hell!
[16:10] C
    What are you thinking?
[16:11] C
    Don't forget that I'm just a rental girlfriend!
[16:13] C
    Hell could freeze over, and I still
    wouldn't be yours for real!
[16:19] Sayuri
    Chizuru?
[16:21] Sayuri
    Is that you, Chizuru?
[16:28] C
    Grandma...
[16:33] N
    What's the matter, Ichinose-san?
[16:35] N
    Kazuya!
[16:37] Sa
    What? So this is Kazuya-kun?
[16:40] Sa
    You mean your grandson's girlfriend is Chizuru?
[16:44] K
    Are you serious?!
[16:46] Sa
    Chizuru is my granddaughter.
[16:49] K
    I shouldn't make this worse for her!
[16:53] K
    Sorry, Gran!
[16:55] K
    I don't really have a girl—
[16:58] C
    What?
[17:00] C
    Kazuya-san's grandmother and mine are friends?
[17:05] C
    What a coincidence!
    Like it was written in the stars!
[17:09] C
    Or something...
SIGN    Ichinose Sayuri
[17:11] K
    I don't believe it.
[17:13] K
    To think Chizuru was your
    granddaughter, Ichinose-san!
[17:18] Sa
    I don't believe it, either.
[17:20] N
    But it all makes sense now.
[17:22] N
    Of course your granddaughter would
    be a bombshell in every possible way!
[17:28] Sa
    Oh, please.
[17:29] Sa
    I can also rest easy if Chizuru is
    dating your grandson, Kinoshita-san.
[17:34] K
    Here's hoping we go from friends
    to family when they get married.
[17:38] C
    Likewise.
[17:39] K
    Say no to collusion!
[17:49] K
    Sorry... I made you lie for me.
[17:53] C
    It's fine.
[17:54] C
    Lots of clients want to
    introduce me to their family.
[17:58] K
    Really?
[18:01] C
    Anyway, it's partly my fault
    for keeping this job a secret.
[18:06] C
    Let's just tell them we broke up.
[18:09] C
    That's the best option.
[18:16] K
    Yeah.
[18:19] K
    My family runs a store called "Nagomi Sake."
[18:24] K
    It was started in my granddad's time,
[18:26] K
    and now my dad and mom run it.
[18:29] K
    Even after my granddad died early,
[18:31] K
    my gran kept it running, despite having
    debts and my dad to worry about.
[18:35] K
    So, to our family, my gran's like a goddess.
[18:41] K
    And it's our goddess's wish that
    I find someone nice before she dies.
[18:48] K
    I'm a real grandma's boy, so I want
    to grant her wish before she goes.
[18:55] K
    I had a girlfriend for a month, recently.
[18:59] K
    When I asked her to meet my gran, she refused.
[19:02] K
    And ultimately, she dumped me.
[19:05] K
    It was out of desperation
    that I pressed that button
[19:08] K
    and rented you.
[19:10] K
    Lame as hell, right?
[19:12] K
    What am I, a rabbit?
[19:15] K
    One that dies if it gets lonely.
[19:19] C
    There's no one alive who doesn't get lonely.
[19:23] C
    Just a lot of people good at hiding it.
[19:25] C
    They all fill the void in their heart
     with work or significant others.
[19:32] K
    I'll apologize to my gran...
[19:34] K
    and introduce a real girlfriend to her someday.
[19:39] K
    I'll figure it out myself.
[19:42] K
    After all, there's no way to
    get your true self on rental.
[19:53] Sign
    S
    l
    a
    p
[19:55] K
    Ow...
[19:57] K
    What was that for?!
[19:58] C
    That was corny as hell! Gross!
[20:00] C
    Could you please not drag me into your
    embarrassingly self-absorbed soliloquy?
[20:04] K
    Y-You're one to talk,
    with the corny act you put on every day!
[20:09] C
    Hey, I do it for work.
    Corny is perfectly fine by me.
[20:16] K
    Hey, uh... Sorry about everything today.
[20:20] K
    And thanks.
[20:23] C
    I'm no different.
    I want to make my family happy, too.
[20:27] C
    But...
[20:30] C
    I just can't quit this job right now.
[20:39] C
    I don't want anything like
    today's date ever again,
[20:42] C
    but whenever you find yourself
    feeling like a rabbit,
[20:45] C
    feel free to call me.
[20:51] K
    Nah.
[20:52] K
    I doubt I'll see Mizuhara Chizuru ever again.
[20:57] K
    I won't turn to her anymore.
[21:00] K
    I'm done with pretend dating forever.
SIGN    Aquarium Lad

SIGN    Zero complaints! The cutest, hottest,
    
    most fashionable, and greatest
    
    girlfriend ever!

[21:19] C
    That dork.
[21:21] K
    And this is where my real story begins.
[21:30] K
    The story of my precarious,
[21:34] K
    yet optimistic campus life.
[21:38] G
    Yo, Kazuchin.
[21:40] G
    How many times did you jerk it yesterday?
[21:42] K
    The story of my rueful virgin life starts now!
[21:47] K
    Three times!
[21:50] G
    Whoa, hardcore!
[21:51] G2
    Virgins gonna virgin!
[21:53] G
    Right back at ya.
SIGN    Rent-a-Girlfriend
SIGN    Rent-a-Girlfriend
[23:57] K
    The anime's finally airing, huh, Mizuhara?
[24:00] C
    Right, Kazuya-kun!
[24:01] K
    K-Kazuya-kun?
[24:03] C
    I'm so glad I get do the preview
    in episode one with you!
[24:07] K
    Uh... Are you in rental girlfriend mode right now?
[24:11] C
    Of course. Mind if we get
    the formalities out of the way?
[24:14] C
    You'll have to pay the base fee, the choice fee,
[24:17] C
    and an extra fee for a
    30-second preview, totaling—
[24:19] K
    O-On the next episode of Rent-a-Girlfriend:
[24:21] K
    "Ex-Girlfriend...
[24:22] C
    ...and Girlfriend."
SIGN    "Ex-Girlfriend and Girlfriend"
[24:23] Ma
    You've sure got it rough, Kazu-kun.