2 - That's a Space Alien, Ain't It?!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    No way! I refuse to accept that!
[00:02] ---
    I don't understand.
[00:04] ---
    Accept it or not, I am Ken Takakura.
[00:08] ---
    Stop it!
[00:09] ---
    I don't wanna hear it!
[00:10] ---
    Crap! The curse!
[00:12] ---
    Miss Ayase! Hurry!
    Your psychic powers!
[00:14] ---
    Lemme gobble that weenie!
[00:27] ---
    Th-Thank you very much.
[00:31] ---
    Let's set a few rules.
[00:33] ---
    No speaking your name.
[00:37] ---
    Okay.
[00:50] ---
    Because you like the occult, you're Okarun.
[00:53] ---
    O-Okarun.
[00:56] ---
    If you use that name, I'll kill you.
[00:59] ---
    "That name"? It's my own name.
[01:03] ---
    Well, I guess I have no choice,
    so that's fine.
[01:07] ---
    You don't seem that upset about it,
    Okarun!
[01:10] ---
    What? This is against my will!
[01:12] ---
    Hey, lemme see your face!
[01:16] ---
    You're looking happy, Okarun!
[01:25] ---
    Stinky!
[01:27] ---
    You farted in front of my face!
    You're the worst!
[01:30] ---
    It's because you're
    putting pressure on me, Miss Ayase!
[01:35] ---
    Hold on a sec! It's already morning!
[01:39] ---
    That means Turbo Granny
    won't come out anymore?
[01:42] ---
    Huh? Is that true?
[01:45] ---
    I mean, ghosts show up at night, right?
[01:49] ---
    Why don't you come to my place for now?
[01:53] ---
    That outfit...
[01:56] ---
    is scarier than a ghost.
SIGN    EPISODE 2 THAT'S A SPACE ALIEN, AIN'T IT?!
[03:39] ---
    My Grandma's really hard on guys,
    so be careful.
[03:42] ---
    She almost killed a previous boyfriend.
[03:44] ---
    Huh? You wait till now to say that?
[03:53] ---
    What's going on?
[04:02] ---
    Okarun! Are you okay?
[04:11] ---
    Must be this.
SIGN    PEACEFUL PROSPEROUS FAMILY WARD AGAINST EVIL AND MISFORTUNE
[04:12] ---
    Sorry, Okarun!
[04:14] ---
    A barrier's been put up!
[04:19] ---
    I thought I was gonna die.
[04:25] ---
    Okay, now try coming in!
[04:27] ---
    Is it really gonna be okay?
[04:29] ---
    If you burn, I'll toss you
    into the river again, so it's okay.
[04:53] ---
    Whoa. Freaky.
[04:55] ---
    You're safe!
[04:58] ---
    How do you feel?
[04:59] ---
    Any changes?
[05:00] ---
    My entire body tingles.
[05:03] ---
    More like, what's with your head?
[05:06] ---
    Totally hilarious! It's a granny perm!
[05:10] ---
    Freaky! What are you laughing about?
[05:12] ---
    I was about to die there!
[05:17] ---
    Grandma!
[05:20] ---
    Huh? Grandma's not here.
[05:23] ---
    Oh well. Come on up.
[05:27] ---
    E-Excuse me.
[05:35] ---
    Hold on a minute.
[05:37] ---
    I'll change clothes, so close the door.
[05:39] ---
    Oh, okay.
[05:45] ---
    Miss Ayase! The curse!
[05:47] ---
    Hey! Don't just open the door!
[05:51] ---
    Face the wall!
SIGN    STAY OUT
[05:56] ---
    I-I'm sorry.
[05:58] ---
    Sheesh, what a pain.
[06:20] ---
    Okarun, put these on.
[06:22] ---
    It's ladieswear but it should be okay.
[06:25] ---
    Sorry to trouble you.
[06:27] ---
    By the way, you don't have
    anything down there, do you?
[06:31] ---
    What? What do you mean?
[06:34] ---
    I'm sorry! I didn't look!
[06:36] ---
    It's fine now.
[06:44] ---
    Hey, hey.
[06:49] ---
    Show me what's down there.
[06:50] ---
    Turbo Granny was saying that you're cursed
    because your weenie has been taken.
[06:58] ---
    It's gone!
[06:59] ---
    What? No way!
    What's it look like? Show me!
[07:03] ---
    I can't show you! Are you stupid?
[07:05] ---
    But there's nothing there, right?
[07:07] ---
    The issue isn't whether or not it's there!
[07:09] ---
    Man, you're so cheap.
[07:11] ---
    This is the worst!
[07:13] ---
    What are we gonna do about this?
[07:15] ---
    It's not there!
[07:16] ---
    Don't make it sound like I'm the villain.
[07:18] ---
    You're the one who challenged me!
[07:21] ---
    Huh?
[07:22] ---
    I wasn't interested
    in your occult stories to begin with!
[07:25] ---
    I only picked a fight
    because you kept talking to me!
[07:33] ---
    I didn't want to miss my chance.
[07:38] ---
    I've always wanted a friend.
[07:43] ---
    So I thought,
    I didn't want to miss this chance.
[07:49] ---
    That's why I so desperately
    started talking to you.
[07:59] ---
    But in the end...
[08:01] ---
    You live in a different world, Miss Ayase.
[08:05] ---
    You're not someone that a person like me
    should be talking to.
[08:09] ---
    I'm so sorry...
[08:12] ---
    that I roped you into so much danger.
[08:15] ---
    When this is all over,
    you can just ignore me again.
[08:20] ---
    That's the annoying part about you.
[08:23] ---
    You assume how others feel
    and jump to conclusions without asking.
[08:28] ---
    The reason you don't have friends
    is because you shove them away.
[08:38] ---
    Don't say that I can ignore you.
[08:41] ---
    We can just talk about
    the occult like normal.
[08:51] ---
    Hey, say something.
[08:55] ---
    Poke, poke.
[09:00] ---
    You're so ugly!
[09:01] ---
    Huh?
[09:02] ---
    What did you just say, punk?
[09:04] ---
    You are completely tactless, Miss Ayase!
[09:06] ---
    You bluntly recite people's weaknesses!
[09:08] ---
    What the hell is tact?
[09:14] ---
    Perhaps your grandmother is back?
[09:17] ---
    Shh! Stay quiet.
[09:19] ---
    I've never heard a doorbell like this.
[09:22] ---
    What do you mean?
[09:24] ---
    Grandma told me in the past...
[09:26] ---
    that we have two doorbells.
[09:28] ---
    One is for humans,
[09:31] ---
    and the other is for...
[09:33] ---
    evil spirits.
[09:34] ---
    Crap! It's because I took that talisman off!
[09:38] ---
    It's okay if it's for a little bit, right?
[09:44] ---
    Oh, no!
[09:45] ---
    There's something out there!
    What are we gonna do?
[09:47] ---
    I'll put the talisman back up!
[09:49] ---
    If it's an evil spirit,
    it'll burn up like you did, right?
[09:51] ---
    Are you going to burn me, too?
[09:53] ---
    You can just get outside of our plot!
[09:56] ---
    Please wait to put up the talisman
    until I step outside!
[10:03] ---
    It's gone. Where did it go?
[10:06] ---
    Miss Ayase! Look at this!
[10:17] ---
    Crap! Crap!
[10:18] ---
    We gotta leave the plot now!
[10:20] ---
    Go that way! Hurry!
[10:21] ---
    - Miss Ayase!
    - What!?
[10:25] ---
    We can't get out.
[10:29] ---
    We're trapped inside by a wall.
[10:31] ---
    The torii gate!
    I can attach the talisman!
[10:33] ---
    Please wait!
    You can't put the talisman up!
[10:36] ---
    Why not?
[10:37] ---
    The torii gate is embedded into the wall!
[10:39] ---
    We can't leave the plot like this!
[10:42] ---
    What should we do?
    If we don't do anything, we're seriously...
[10:49] ---
    What is this?
[10:54] ---
    We're in serious trouble!
[10:56] ---
    Miss Ayase!
[11:02] ---
    Help... me...
[11:04] ---
    Okarun, are you okay?
    Get a grip on yourself!
[11:07] ---
    Blood!
[11:15] ---
    Black fog. So it's because of that.
[11:28] ---
    Found... you...
[11:34] ---
    You are evil people.
    You broke the promise.
[12:26] ---
    Give me...
[12:30] ---
    your banana organ!
[12:37] ---
    Crap! What's with that evil spirit?
[12:40] ---
    Wait, you have another one down there?
[12:43] ---
    Of course not!
[12:44] ---
    That's an alien!
[12:46] ---
    Huh?
[12:46] ---
    There's no doubt about it! That collar!
[12:49] ---
    That's a Flatwoods Monster!
[12:51] ---
    They were first witnessed in a town
    in America called Flatwoods.
[12:55] ---
    In Japan, they've been sighted in Yamanashi.
[12:57] ---
    They're known as aliens
    who are three meters tall.
[13:00] ---
    Then what was that doorbell?
[13:02] ---
    You're saying a chime specifically for ghosts
    reacted to an alien?
[13:06] ---
    There are studies that say people who see
    spiritual phenomena often see UFOs as well!
[13:17] ---
    In other words, there might be something
    in common between ghosts and aliens!
[13:21] ---
    Is that a buddy of the aliens
    from yesterday? They're so persistent!
[13:25] ---
    If we don't hurry up and do something
    about that thing, the poison fog will kill us!
[13:29] ---
    But if I'm holding Okarun's curse back,
    I can't use my psychic powers well.
[13:33] ---
    Miss Ayase.
[13:48] ---
    Sheesh, what a pain!
[13:55] ---
    Huh?
[13:57] ---
    Sheesh!
[14:20] ---
    Miss Ayase.
[14:21] ---
    What is it now?
[14:23] ---
    I will fight.
[14:26] ---
    Please release the curse!
[14:28] ---
    What's this so suddenly?
[14:30] ---
    I'm not afraid of aliens!
[14:32] ---
    Can you release just the physical curse
    while keeping my head in check?
[14:49] ---
    You make it sound easy, but I haven't learned
    how to control this power!
[14:53] ---
    If all goes well, we might be able
    to control that Granny's powers!
[14:57] ---
    I'm not sure if I can do it right!
[14:59] ---
    Please try!
[15:14] ---
    - Miss Ayase! Here it comes!
    - Give it to me!
[15:17] ---
    Please hurry!
[15:35] ---
    This is amazing.
[15:37] ---
    I'm brimming with power!
[15:40] ---
    But I'm totally depressed.
[15:42] ---
    Whoa! Is his psyche broken?
[15:44] ---
    My conscious is clear, yo...
    But I totally have the blues, yo...
[15:49] ---
    What's with that manner of speech?
[15:52] ---
    Oh, sorry.
[15:53] ---
    I am an awkward fellow after all, yo...
[15:56] ---
    I told you not to say that!
[15:58] ---
    I should just, yo...
    Eradicate myself, yo?
[16:02] ---
    Stop talking like that! It pisses me off!
[16:06] ---
    I'll be back in a little bit.
[16:08] ---
    I'm sure it won't work, yo...
[16:11] ---
    Hey!
[16:12] ---
    Look ahead! In front of you!
[16:20] ---
    My body moved outta reflex.
[16:24] ---
    So this is Turbo Granny's powers?
[16:28] ---
    I feel so dejected.
[16:33] ---
    So fast. When'd he learn to do that?
[16:39] ---
    This is amazing! Maybe we can do this!
[16:49] ---
    Wait, what's going on?
[16:58] ---
    Okarun!
[17:04] ---
    Give it to me!
[17:05] ---
    Crap!
[17:11] ---
    Okarun, are you okay?
[17:13] ---
    I'm sorry, Miss Ayase!
[17:15] ---
    My body can't keep up
    with the power of the curse!
[17:18] ---
    My entire body feels like
    it's going to burst into a million pieces!
[17:21] ---
    This isn't a speed that humans can move in!
[17:24] ---
    But I've only damaged
    five fingers from that thing!
[17:28] ---
    How the hell are we gonna defeat
    something like that?
[17:30] ---
    Like I know! Don't get pissed at me!
[17:33] ---
    If we knew how to defeat it,
    we wouldn't be struggling!
[17:40] ---
    That thing...
[17:42] ---
    Is it sumo wrestling?
[17:44] ---
    Come again?
[17:46] ---
    If we can get its hand
    to touch the ground, maybe we win?
[17:50] ---
    Miss Ayase, are you a genius?
[17:53] ---
    I knew I was.
[17:54] ---
    Next time is my limit, okay?
[17:58] ---
    Okarun, aim for the legs.
[18:00] ---
    I'll make the thing trip
    with my psychic powers!
[18:03] ---
    Man, I'm so depressed.
[18:05] ---
    We have to get a bit closer,
    so you have to back me up!
[18:09] ---
    What a pain.
[18:10] ---
    Give me your banana!
[18:20] ---
    I can't take it anymore!
[18:21] ---
    Hold back the curse with my right hand,
[18:23] ---
    and I'll take on this guy with my left hand!
[18:26] ---
    What a pain!
[18:28] ---
    Oh, hold on.
[18:29] ---
    Sorry, Okarun!
[18:35] ---
    All right! The hand is melting!
[18:37] ---
    Just like how we planned!
[18:44] ---
    You're kidding.
[18:46] ---
    Miss Ayase, run for it!
[18:57] ---
    Miss Ayase!
[19:01] ---
    Crap. This is bad news.
[19:07] ---
    I'm back.
[19:08] ---
    Sheesh. You really are a nuisance.
[19:14] ---
    Hey, sumo alien!
[19:17] ---
    You put your hand on the ground.
[19:20] ---
    That's cheating, you scumbag.
[19:22] ---
    Miss Ayase!
[19:23] ---
    Please release the curse one more time!
[19:25] ---
    I don't care what happens to my body!
[19:28] ---
    I'm gonna beat the crap outta this thing!
[19:31] ---
    You sit and watch, Okarun!
[19:33] ---
    I can't let cheaters off the hook!
[19:36] ---
    Wait, what are you saying?
[19:39] ---
    You really pissed me off, wimpy alien.
[19:46] ---
    Stop it!
[19:48] ---
    That did nothing!
[19:51] ---
    Please release my curse, Miss Ayase!
    I'm begging you!
[19:55] ---
    If this keeps up, you'll die!
[19:59] ---
    This is fine.
[20:03] ---
    This depth is great.
[20:07] ---
    Because if I'm in this deep...
[20:09] ---
    it means I'm outside of the torii gate!
SIGN    PEACEFUL PROSPEROUS FAMILY WARD AGAINST EVIL AND MISFORTUNE
[20:57] ---
    We're back.
[21:01] ---
    We're saved.
[21:04] ---
    Okarun! We're back! See?
[21:09] ---
    Oh, yes.
[21:12] ---
    I really thought I was gonna die!
[21:15] ---
    Oh! Miss Ayase, the curse!
[21:18] ---
    Come on! Don't be a pain!
[21:20] ---
    At least let me indulge in the moment!
[21:23] ---
    You say that, but I can't
    do anything about this.
[21:26] ---
    What? You change your hairdo?
[21:29] ---
    Of course not!
[21:31] ---
    That kinda looks good.
    I did prefer the granny perm, though.
[21:36] ---
    But you made fun of it!
[21:38] ---
    Huh? I'm kinda dizzy.
[21:42] ---
    Oh, crap.
[21:43] ---
    Huh?
[21:44] ---
    Miss Ayase?
[21:45] ---
    Get a hold of yourself! Miss Ayase!
[23:43] ---
    In 1952, several boys and soldiers, as well as
    their pet dog, encountered the Flatwoods Monster.
[23:47] ---
    The granny perm
    was better on you after all.
[23:48] ---
    Back in those days, the local residents...
[23:49] ---
    Are you listening to my story?
SIGN    EPISODE 3 IT'S A GRANNY VS. GRANNY CLASH!
[23:51] ---
    Next episode:
    "It's a Granny vs. Granny Clash!"
[23:53] ---
    They're called "aliens who are
    three meters tall" in Japan.