1 - That's How Love Starts, Ya Know!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] ---
    Huh?
[01:31] ---
    I said, if you ain't lendin' me money,
    then no date today.
[01:37] ---
    Oh, but I'd be okay
    if you finally put out instead.
[01:41] ---
    You'll pay for the love hotel, though.
[01:50] ---
    You need to be punched!
[01:51] ---
    Why you little...
[01:56] ---
    You're full of it!
[01:58] ---
    I've had enough of you!
[02:01] ---
    Yer broke and ya ain't puttin' out!
    Get lost!
[02:04] ---
    Gimme a break, moron!
[02:06] ---
    Octopus! Squid! Tuna!
[02:10] ---
    Totes funny!
SIGN    EPISODE 1
    THAT'S HOW LOVE STARTS, YA KNOW!
[02:12] ---
    Seafood names aren't insults.
[02:14] ---
    Come on, comfort me!
    He was my first boyfriend.
[02:19] ---
    That's why I told you to not go for him.
[02:21] ---
    What was so good about him, anyway?
[02:23] ---
    He looked like Ken Takakura.
[02:25] ---
    - Oh, there you go.
    - You're so annoying.
[02:28] ---
    Nothing wrong with that!
    I like masculine guys like Ken Takakura!
[02:32] ---
    "I am an awkward fellow, after all."
[02:34] ---
    Dudes like that are extinct.
[02:40] ---
    What the heck.
[02:42] ---
    Will I not be able to meet
    another Mr. Ken in my lifetime?
[02:46] ---
    Come on, someone comfort me!
[02:50] ---
    Such a cruel world.
[02:55] ---
    - Damn it!
    - You missed?
[02:56] ---
    - I did miss.
    - Don't look over here. Gross.
[03:00] ---
    - We have this, too.
    - Nice.
[03:03] ---
    Put a magnet inside.
[03:05] ---
    This'll hurt, won't it?
[03:12] ---
    What are you reading there?
[03:15] ---
    Oh? Uh, um...
SIGN    BIRTH OF THE AEROSPACE SELF-DEFENSE FORCE GUARDING OUTER SPACE!!
[03:20] ---
    How lame.
[03:26] ---
    Do only scum live in this world?
[03:32] ---
    Man, I've had enough.
[03:35] ---
    Where can I relieve all this stress?
[03:38] ---
    Miss Momo Ayase!
[03:40] ---
    I know you're in love!
[03:42] ---
    Huh?
[03:43] ---
    I know you're in love!
[03:45] ---
    How many times you gonna say that?
[03:47] ---
    Someone like Miss Ayase talking to me?
    That's gotta be the only reason!
[03:52] ---
    Maybe you got the wrong idea?
[03:54] ---
    It's not like I wanna get
    chummy with you or anything.
[03:57] ---
    Forget all that earlier.
[03:58] ---
    This is what I'm talking about!
[04:00] ---
    The President has already gone to Mars!
    What is the entirety of Project Pegasus!?
[04:04] ---
    Huh? What?
[04:05] ---
    You're a fan of the occult!
[04:07] ---
    Oh, I don't believe in UFOs or aliens
    or stuff like that.
[04:11] ---
    I'm not talking about a UFO, but a UAP!
SIGN    PO
[04:13] ---
    Unidentified Aerial Phenomena!
[04:16] ---
    Hey, you're being a pest.
[04:18] ---
    The U.S. military has officially acknowledged
    the existence of UAPs and reformed the Space Force!
[04:23] ---
    Japan has also newly created
    an Aerospace Defense Force!
[04:25] ---
    Any way you look at it,
    they're getting ready for Space Wars!
[04:28] ---
    Can I go now?
[04:29] ---
    What?
[04:30] ---
    No, wait! This has the newest image
    of Nessie, too. Here!
[04:34] ---
    It also talks about Lieutenant Colonel
    Jim Channon and Skinwalker Ranch!
[04:39] ---
    Shut up!
[04:41] ---
    I just got dumped
    so I don't want any of this.
[04:45] ---
    How you push stuff at me is so typical
    of otaku and really annoying!
[04:48] ---
    That's why you have no friends!
[04:53] ---
    Don't talk to me like you know me.
[05:05] ---
    Sorry, that was a bit much.
SIGN    YOUR TRUE POWERS AND POTENTIAL HAVE YET TO AWAKEN...
[05:26] ---
    Here.
[05:30] ---
    I don't believe in aliens.
[05:32] ---
    But I do believe in ghosts.
[05:34] ---
    Oh no, there's no such thing as ghosts.
[05:37] ---
    I matched the conversation topic to yours,
    but you outright deny that!?
[05:41] ---
    Don't you mock the occult!
[05:47] ---
    Just so you know,
    my grandma is a spirit medium.
[05:50] ---
    What?
[05:51] ---
    Have you ever seen exorcism?
    It's really wicked!
[05:55] ---
    The possessed person goes into convulsions!
[05:58] ---
    You can go into convulsions from illness, too.
[06:00] ---
    It's not proof that ghosts are out there.
[06:03] ---
    Then have you ever had
    an alien let you ride a UFO!?
[06:06] ---
    Your logic is jumping too far!
    Are you an idiot!?
[06:12] ---
    Huh?
[06:14] ---
    She gave up on Ken Takakura
    and went after an otaku?
[06:17] ---
    Look. It's like she doesn't care
    what other people would think.
[06:20] ---
    Can't say I hate it.
[06:22] ---
    Then let's have a contest, dammit!
[06:25] ---
    If there really are ghosts,
    you'll be serving me as a gofer!
[06:28] ---
    I'll show you UFOs, I mean, UAPs!
[06:31] ---
    If you're able to see one, M-Miss Ayase,
    you'll be my gofer instead!
SIGN    NAGI GENERAL HOSPITAL
SIGN    OCCULT-KUN
[06:42] ---
    What is this place?
    It's way too scary!
[06:45] ---
    What part of this is a UFO hotspot?
[06:48] ---
    Nagi Hospital there is called
    the sanctuary for UFOs!
[06:52] ---
    If you call for a UFO on the roof,
    you will experience Abduction!
[06:55] ---
    What's Abduction?
[06:59] ---
    That's when an alien kidnaps you
    and experiments with your body.
[07:03] ---
    Wait, hold on! Have you been
    experimented on before!?
[07:06] ---
    There is a chance that I have!
[07:08] ---
    Huh?
[07:09] ---
    Many people who experience Abduction
    have their memories erased.
[07:12] ---
    Hey, you. You've never seen
    a UFO before, have you?
[07:15] ---
    Do you know about regressive hypnosis?
[07:17] ---
    Don't change the subject on me.
[07:19] ---
    It's not an issue
    of whether or not you've seen one!
[07:21] ---
    The point is whether or not
    there's proper proof that it exists!
[07:24] ---
    Shut up!
[07:25] ---
    Anyway, how are things on your end?
[07:32] ---
    I have arrived.
SIGN    KEEP OUT
[07:39] ---
    At the spiritual hotspot.
[07:44] ---
    Now, I'll go and prove it right now...
[07:47] ---
    that there are no such things as ghosts!
[07:49] ---
    Hey, you aren't freaking out, are you?
[07:52] ---
    By the way, that spot is famous on the 'net
    for something definitely being there.
[08:10] ---
    Too shy, shy boy, in this moment!
[08:14] ---
    They say speaking loudly
    is the most dangerous thing to do.
[08:17] ---
    Too shy, shy boy...
[08:19] ---
    On the 'net.
[08:20] ---
    You've been mentioning the 'net a lot.
[08:22] ---
    So have you seen a ghost, Miss Ayase?
[08:25] ---
    Nope.
[08:26] ---
    What?
[08:28] ---
    How dare you talk so authoritatively earlier!
[08:30] ---
    My bad!
[08:32] ---
    Take back that attitude
    you've been giving me!
[08:33] ---
    It's absurd that you've never
    seen a ghost but believe in them!
[08:37] ---
    It's not absurd.
[08:39] ---
    I told you my grandma's a spirit medium.
[08:43] ---
    I love my grandma a lot
    since I don't have parents.
[08:46] ---
    So, I see.
[08:50] ---
    Why are you getting all meek and stuff?
[08:53] ---
    Get a load of this.
    My family is seriously weird.
[08:58] ---
    I always had to perform
    a good luck ritual before stepping outside.
[09:02] ---
    I was always forced to do it
    the entire way to school.
[09:06] ---
    And of course,
    I was the laughingstock of all the boys.
[09:09] ---
    If I don't do it, Grandma got pissed.
    It was the pits.
[09:14] ---
    But the toughest part of it all...
[09:17] ---
    was when the boy I liked
    made fun of me.
[09:21] ---
    I really hated my grandma.
[09:23] ---
    "Because of that weird ritual,
    the boy I like hates me."
[09:28] ---
    I think I said something horrible
    like that to Grandma.
[09:32] ---
    Since then, I didn't talk to Grandma until recently,
    and I stopped doing the ritual.
[09:38] ---
    But you know, I get pissed when someone else
    makes fun of my family.
[09:45] ---
    That's when I realized...
[09:47] ---
    I didn't hate the fact that
    the boy I liked didn't like me.
[09:51] ---
    I hated the fact that the boy I liked
    made fun of my grandma.
[09:57] ---
    In reality, I loved both Grandma and her job
    as a spirit medium, because it felt special.
[10:03] ---
    How she decided to take me in,
    and lovingly raised me all by herself...
[10:08] ---
    I have faith in my grandma.
[10:11] ---
    That's why I believe in ghosts.
[10:15] ---
    So anyway, why do you believe in aliens?
[10:20] ---
    That really doesn't matter, right?
[10:23] ---
    What's with that?
    You don't have any reasons?
[10:25] ---
    Do you need a reason to like something?
[10:28] ---
    Well, you have a point.
[10:30] ---
    More like, Occult-kun,
    you sure talk bluntly over the phone.
[10:37] ---
    I-Is that so?
[10:40] ---
    Miss Ayase, you're pretty easy to talk to.
[10:52] ---
    I'll let you suckle my teats, so...
[10:56] ---
    lemme gobble that weenie.
[11:00] ---
    Ghost!
[11:01] ---
    Hold on! You shouldn't run there!
[11:04] ---
    Hey, Occult-kun!
[11:05] ---
    No way! Impossible!
    That was just an ordinary granny!
[11:06] ---
    Oc... kun... Stop right now!
[11:08] ---
    That's probably it. Just an ordinary granny!
[11:10] ---
    They say on the 'net she's bad news!
[11:15] ---
    I'm pretty sure I misunderstood something.
[11:17] ---
    I simply bumped into a lewd granny!
[11:21] ---
    They say you can't let her outrun you
    at any cost!
[11:25] ---
    If you lose a race against
    Turbo Granny, you'll be cursed!
SIGN    OCCULT-KUN
SIGN    OCCULT-KUN
[11:35] ---
    Hey, Occult-kun! Are you listening?
[11:37] ---
    Hello? Answer me!
[11:39] ---
    You're kidding me, right?
[11:41] ---
    I'll head over there right now!
    Just hang on!
[11:54] ---
    What are those things?
    Seriously, cut it out.
[12:05] ---
    Hello, woman person.
[12:08] ---
    We are Serpoians. We are called that
    because we come from the planet Serpo.
[12:13] ---
    Aliens?
[12:15] ---
    Don't be afraid. We are a friendly people.
[12:18] ---
    Friendly guys
    don't strip girls naked, you know!
[12:22] ---
    Where are my clothes?
[12:23] ---
    We have taken proper care
    of your belongings.
[12:26] ---
    They're all tattered! Pay for damages!
[12:28] ---
    And I wanna go home,
    so can you take this off?
[12:31] ---
    Our kind only has males.
[12:34] ---
    Thus, we reproduce
    through clone technology.
[12:37] ---
    Are you even listening?
[12:39] ---
    However, identical units
    do not instigate biological evolution.
[12:43] ---
    Conflict, as well as basic emotions,
    were annihilated.
[12:47] ---
    Therefore, for us to regain
    reproductive function similar to humans,
[12:50] ---
    we want your "bananas."
[12:54] ---
    We will now have sex.
[12:56] ---
    After having sex with you, we will extract
    your uterus and your banana for research.
[13:00] ---
    Gimme a break!
[13:01] ---
    I did date a douchebag,
    but I didn't let him take my virginity!
[13:06] ---
    My chastity has been saved
    for a Ken Takakura I have yet to meet!
[13:09] ---
    No way some creepy alien
    is gonna take it from me!
[13:19] ---
    In order to arouse your desire, we will use
    psychokinesis to control your brain waves.
[13:26] ---
    How is it? Isn't the temperature
    of your body getting warmer?
[13:35] ---
    What's this?
    She is resisting the psychokinesis.
[13:38] ---
    What incredible spiritual power.
[13:40] ---
    However...
[13:42] ---
    Let us begin.
[13:43] ---
    No...
[13:45] ---
    Stop!
[13:52] ---
    A phone call?
[13:53] ---
    Someone sure has
    a really bad sense of timing.
[14:23] ---
    Miss Ayase! I'm sorry!
[14:25] ---
    There was a ghost!
[14:27] ---
    Turbo Granny has cursed me!
[14:30] ---
    Occult-kun! I'm glad!
    Can you help me?
[14:33] ---
    Who are you?
[14:34] ---
    Infiltrating using a smartphone.
    Not even we have technology like that.
[14:38] ---
    Please help! I can't control myself!
[14:45] ---
    Lemme gobble that weenie!
[14:47] ---
    Come on, get a grip!
[14:49] ---
    Man person over there.
[14:50] ---
    We did not authorize your intrusion.
[14:53] ---
    Leave immediately, or else...
[15:00] ---
    Please give us your "banana."
[15:02] ---
    Gross!
[15:02] ---
    Six Sense Organs!
[15:06] ---
    So fast! I cannot set my psychokinesis.
[15:11] ---
    Our cherished bananas!
[15:14] ---
    You banana thief!
[15:15] ---
    Serpoian Form Serpo-Grammetry!
[15:19] ---
    Occult-kun!
[15:20] ---
    We have never encountered
    someone so aggressive.
[15:23] ---
    We have an amiable relationship
    with humans. So give us your bananas.
[15:28] ---
    I'll give it to you! Anything if it's mine!
[15:30] ---
    I've been wanting to see aliens
    for the longest time!
[15:33] ---
    Because I didn't have any friends,
    I thought at least aliens would be my friends.
[15:38] ---
    I've been calling to the skies
    for a UFO since grade school!
[15:44] ---
    But you never came!
[15:46] ---
    No matter how much I called for you,
    you never showed up!
[15:50] ---
    Other humans bullied me to pass their time.
SIGN    COURAGE
[15:53] ---
    Aliens don't give me the time of day.
[15:55] ---
    Nobody ever acknowledged my existence.
[15:59] ---
    But Miss Ayase....
[16:01] ---
    She actually stood up for me, despite that!
[16:04] ---
    So don't you lay a finger on her!
[16:08] ---
    I won't allow anyone to hurt her!
[16:12] ---
    If it's for her sake,
    I'll even become a monster!
[16:17] ---
    Keep at it, Occult-kun!
[16:19] ---
    Show 'em what a man you are!
[16:21] ---
    Fie!
[16:24] ---
    Miss Ayase...
[16:25] ---
    It looks impossible after all.
[16:27] ---
    You gave up really fast there!
[16:30] ---
    We cannot become friends
    with a violent person like you.
[16:34] ---
    Besides, we like woman persons
    more than man persons.
[16:39] ---
    Now, once again,
    I shall arouse your desire.
[16:47] ---
    Take your chi out.
[16:48] ---
    I don't wanna.
[16:49] ---
    My friends make fun of me
    every single day because of that.
[16:54] ---
    What are you talking about?
[16:55] ---
    If you have your chi out,
    you won't get hurt or sick.
[16:58] ---
    Bad things can't get near you.
[17:01] ---
    First, firm up your lower abs.
[17:06] ---
    Imagine having your chi shoot up
    from the top of your head.
[17:11] ---
    She's doing it again!
[17:12] ---
    Is she communicating
    with aliens or something?
[17:16] ---
    I hate it! I'm never doing it again!
[17:18] ---
    Momo! Hold on!
[17:20] ---
    I hate you, Grandma!
    You fake spirit medium!
[17:26] ---
    Why am I remembering the past right now?
[17:30] ---
    I'm sorry, Grandma.
    I just felt embarrassed back then.
[17:36] ---
    Firm up your lower abs.
[17:41] ---
    Chi shoot up from the top of your head.
[17:48] ---
    No way!
[17:49] ---
    What?
[17:50] ---
    Miss Ayase, you can use psychic powers?
[17:53] ---
    Well, I'm surprised by that myself!
[17:55] ---
    Unbelievable!
    My psychokinesis is being pushed back!
[17:59] ---
    Why?
[18:00] ---
    Did I stimulate her brain waves too much
    and cause the woman person's chakra to open up?
[18:06] ---
    She was real.
[18:07] ---
    Grandma was a real spirit medium!
[18:10] ---
    Thank you, Grandma!
[18:12] ---
    With this I can take those scumbags...
[18:16] ---
    and send them flying!
[18:33] ---
    What is this? That was a UFO?
[18:36] ---
    Occult-kun, are you okay?
[18:37] ---
    Let's get outta here!
[18:43] ---
    Ow! What are you doing, idiot!
    Regain your sanity already!
[18:48] ---
    Damn you!
[18:56] ---
    Turbo Granny?
[18:57] ---
    Who the hell are you?
[19:03] ---
    His curse hasn't lifted!
[19:05] ---
    Granny is out of his body, though!
[19:07] ---
    I have possession of that kid's weenie.
[19:10] ---
    As long as I have his weenie,
    that kid's curse won't be lifted.
[19:15] ---
    If you want it back,
    come to the tunnel.
[19:18] ---
    This place is too far for me.
[19:20] ---
    I'll take you on as much as you want
    if it's in the tunnel, gaudy hag.
[19:25] ---
    Who you calling a gaudy hag,
    you old bag of crap!
[19:27] ---
    Give him back his thingy!
[19:32] ---
    Crap! If we don't escape,
    we're gonna die!
[19:35] ---
    Get a grip, you idiot!
    We're gonna escape!
[19:58] ---
    This is the worst.
[20:01] ---
    I'll believe in aliens.
    Like, I was kidnapped and all.
[20:05] ---
    I'll believe in ghosts, too.
    I got cursed after all.
[20:08] ---
    So, what should we do from here?
[20:11] ---
    What should we do?
[20:13] ---
    You lose control of yourself if I don't
    hold the curse back with psychic powers.
[20:17] ---
    I'm sorry.
[20:17] ---
    I lost my uniform, my wallet,
    my smartphone. Everything.
[20:22] ---
    How can I be lifted from this curse?
[20:25] ---
    You have to beat the crap out of Turbo Granny.
    She's the cause of the curse.
[20:29] ---
    I see. Then I'll head on over there.
[20:33] ---
    Huh? Right now?
[20:36] ---
    Miss Ayase, please wear
    my clothes back home.
[20:39] ---
    Hold on! You'll lose control without me!
[20:45] ---
    All of this happened
    because of what I did.
[20:50] ---
    I can't get you involved
    in it anymore, Miss Ayase.
[20:53] ---
    I'll use willpower to make it to the tunnel,
    and then make it work somehow.
[20:58] ---
    Why can't you ask me to come with you?
[21:01] ---
    After that experience earlier,
    I can't leave you alone!
[21:03] ---
    You would've died earlier if I wasn't around!
[21:08] ---
    Is it okay for you
    to help someone like me?
[21:12] ---
    Stuff like that is such a hassle.
[21:22] ---
    Come on, put some clothes on.
[21:26] ---
    Let's go!
[21:28] ---
    I'm sorry.
[21:29] ---
    I am an awkward fellow, after all.
[21:33] ---
    Miss Ayase, please put some clothes on.
[21:35] ---
    If you don't, I can't bring myself
    to speak properly.
[21:39] ---
    No way. Why is my heart racing?
[21:42] ---
    This can't be.
[21:44] ---
    I was just surprised because he happened
    to recite one of Ken Takakura's lines.
[21:48] ---
    I need to calm down for now.
[21:53] ---
    By the way, what's your name?
[21:55] ---
    I'm terrible at remembering names.
[21:58] ---
    Oh? Um...
[22:00] ---
    I'm Ken Takakura.
SIGN    DAN
SIGN    DAN DA
SIGN    DAN DA DAN
[23:42] ---
    Aliens really did exist!
[23:44] ---
    Ghosts exist, too!
[23:45] ---
    The existence of aliens and ghosts
    being proven means that
[23:48] ---
    there's a possibility of supernatural
    phenomena, UMA,
[23:49] ---
    and all other things that were said to be absurd
    can be proven as well.
[23:50] ---
    Oh, fine, I get it! Ready.
SIGN    EPISODE 2 THAT'S A SPACE ALIEN, AIN'T IT?
[23:52] ---
    Next episode,
    "That's a Space Alien, Ain't It?!"
[23:53] ---
    Next episode,
    "That's a Space Alien, Ain't It?!"
[23:55] ---
    Hey, be in sync with me!