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E5 - Mash Burnedead and the Unpopular Classmate

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    There are three dorms
    in Easton Magic Academy.

[00:05] ---
    Students with corresponding characteristics
    are assigned to each dorm.

[00:12] ---
    Adler. Courage and conviction.
[00:16] ---
    Orca. Wisdom and willingness.
[00:21] ---
    Lang. Ability and ambition.
[00:25] ---
    The dorms are rivals with one another.
[00:28] ---
    To visualize their principles and positions,
[00:31] ---
    their friendly rivalry
    carries across the entire academy.

[02:06] ---
    This is the Adler dorm,
    where Mash and Finn reside.

[02:10] ---
    In their room, Room 302...
[02:15] ---
    So, five silver coins make one gold coin?
[02:19] ---
    That's five minus two. Let's see...
[02:24] ---
    Just 28 left.
[02:26] ---
    Five minus two is three.
[02:28] ---
    It's a trick question?
[02:29] ---
    No, there's no tricks about this!
[02:32] ---
    So I'm a meathead?
[02:34] ---
    You got that right, but...
[02:39] ---
    In any case, it's so peaceful today
    with nothing going on.
[02:44] ---
    It sure is...
[02:47] ---
    No, there is something!
    Our assignment!
SIGN    ZOOM
[02:49] ---
    Oh. Really?
[02:51] ---
    Crap, crap, I forgot about it!
[02:53] ---
    If we don't submit our Potions assignment,
[02:56] ---
    we'll be severely marked down
    and we'll be in the drop-out range!
[03:00] ---
    Want one?
[03:02] ---
    This isn't the time for snacks!
[03:04] ---
    Sorry.
[03:05] ---
    I have to do it! I have to do it!
    I have to do my Potions assignment!
[03:10] ---
    You still haven't done it yet?
[03:13] ---
    Lance.
[03:15] ---
    Oh, it's the lolicon.
[03:16] ---
    That's siscon to you.
[03:18] ---
    Loitering around doing nothing...
[03:20] ---
    You two are the dictionary definition
    of slackers.
[03:23] ---
    Wait, Lance. Did you finish already?
[03:26] ---
    Of course.
    I'm a lot more conscious than you are.
[03:30] ---
    I should've expected that
    from the top student in our class.

[03:34] ---
    Lance is simply flawless.
[03:36] ---
    Guys like you
    might ruin the dorm's reputation.
[03:40] ---
    Have some shame.
SIGN    SMASH
[03:48] ---
    He flew backwards by himself?
[03:51] ---
    O, my precious!
[03:54] ---
    Foisting thy fair light
    upon my feeble eyes unwarn’d!

[04:00] ---
    ‘Tis my fate to succumb
    to thy infinite warmth.

[04:02] ---
    I love you!
[04:03] ---
    You use these for the Potions assignment.
[04:07] ---
    What was with that
    dramatic display just now?

[04:12] ---
    A mandragora.
[04:14] ---
    Silence their screams and they become
    a universal ingredient in potions.
SIGN    AIEEEEEE!
[04:19] ---
    Oh, another thing that uses magic.
[04:22] ---
    "Another"? You know
    this is magic school, right?
[04:25] ---
    I'll show you how it's done.
[04:28] ---
    Quientus.
[04:38] ---
    You try.
[04:42] ---
    Quientus.
[04:44] ---
    Quientus!
[04:47] ---
    I can't do it. It won't stop screaming.
[04:49] ---
    Finn.
[04:51] ---
    Your center of gravity is unstable.
    Your core muscles are quite weak.
[04:55] ---
    Huh? Core muscles?
[05:01] ---
    Quientus.
[05:07] ---
    I think it's gotten worse?
    Its pupils are dilated, too.

[05:11] ---
    Finn, focus your magic
    on a single point.
[05:14] ---
    Oh, okay.
[05:16] ---
    Listen up, Finn.
[05:17] ---
    Visualize gently caressing it
    as you release the magic.
[05:21] ---
    O-Okay.
[05:23] ---
    Quientus.
[05:26] ---
    Slowly. That's it.
[05:34] ---
    I did it! I did it, Lance!
[05:37] ---
    Even slackers like you
    should be able to do this much.
[05:42] ---
    Thanks!
[05:43] ---
    Maybe Lance is really good
    at taking care of others.

[05:47] ---
    Oh, yeah. How is Mash doing?
[05:54] ---
    That plant's flipped out! It's so huge!
SIGN    SLAP
[06:12] ---
    I did it.
[06:14] ---
    Did you really, though?
SIGN    MANDRAGORA COOKING
[06:20] ---
    Once they're asleep,
    they turn into a regular herb.
[06:23] ---
    Now we create a compound.
[06:25] ---
    Compounding is comparatively simple.
    Watch closely.
[06:29] ---
    Take this, and first do this.
SIGN    TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK
[06:32] ---
    Then do this.
SIGN    SWISH
[06:33] ---
    And do this.
SIGN    SIZZLE
[06:36] ---
    And with this...
SIGN    BAM
[06:38] ---
    It's done.
[06:39] ---
    That's not easy at all!
[06:42] ---
    Got it.
[06:43] ---
    You've got to be lying!
[06:45] ---
    No, really.
[06:47] ---
    Trust me, as long as it's not magic.
SIGN    TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK
[06:50] ---
    First, take this, and then...
SIGN    SWISH
[06:52] ---
    Do this...
SIGN    SIZZLE
[06:53] ---
    Then this... And it's done.
SIGN    BAM
[06:57] ---
    That's totally not it!
[06:59] ---
    How did that end up as a cream puff?
[07:01] ---
    You're screwing around, aren't you?
[07:04] ---
    I'm not screwing around.
[07:10] ---
    You start like this.
[07:12] ---
    'Kay.
[07:13] ---
    Then you add this.
[07:15] ---
    'Kay.
[07:16] ---
    Stir well.
[07:18] ---
    'Kay.
[07:19] ---
    Add this last.
[07:21] ---
    'Kay.
[07:23] ---
    Okay.
[07:23] ---
    BA-YUMMY
[07:26] ---
    Why is this!?
[07:28] ---
    I watched him from start to finish.
[07:30] ---
    When did it become a cream puff!?
[07:33] ---
    You’re completely useless
    when not fighting, huh?
[07:36] ---
    Well, yeah.
[07:38] ---
    Why is he so confident?
[07:43] ---
    Oh well. Let me warn you.
[07:48] ---
    I won't lose to you ever again.
[07:51] ---
    There's a reason
    I need to join the Bureau of Magic.
[07:55] ---
    And that is?
[07:56] ---
    It's none of your business.
[08:01] ---
    But you equaled me,
    if not more, in combat.
[08:07] ---
    I will not allow some nobody
    to take your coins away from you.
[08:13] ---
    You don't have to warn me,
    because it won't happen.
[08:16] ---
    Quick with the comebacks.
[08:18] ---
    Let's try this again.
[08:20] ---
    'Kay.
[08:22] ---
    The all-dorm off-campus class
    is coming up soon.
[08:27] ---
    I wonder if he'll be all right.
[08:29] ---
    And then, that was when...
[08:31] ---
    No way. Are you serious?
[08:34] ---
    And what happened after that?
[08:36] ---
    That's when...
[08:39] ---
    Hey, you bumped into me
    just now, didn't you?
[08:42] ---
    Don't be walkin' into people's faces!
[08:54] ---
    Hey, hey, hey, hey!
[08:56] ---
    What am I supposed to do
    if I'm not walkin' into people's faces?
[09:02] ---
    Side characters have no right
    to give me orders, you moron!
[09:11] ---
    The Divine Visionaries are the ones
    who mold this world.
[09:15] ---
    They rule it.
[09:18] ---
    Tell me, what traits
    should a ruler possess?
[09:21] ---
    A noble bloodline and overwhelming power
    that brooks no argument.
[09:27] ---
    Correct.
    Which means it is not those in Adler.
[09:34] ---
    It is us... Lang.
[09:38] ---
    Seize all of their coins.
[09:41] ---
    Yessir.
[09:44] ---
    Nummy.
[09:45] ---
    Ugh, it's tasty? That's a mandragora!
[09:48] ---
    Yum, yum.
[09:49] ---
    Seriously!?
[09:51] ---
    Apparently, mandragora cream puffs are tasty.
[09:57] ---
    And now, the next day...
[10:00] ---
    We're supposed to be
    having class here today.
[10:03] ---
    What are we going to do here?
[10:06] ---
    What do you do in a forest...
    Camping?
[10:08] ---
    That's for leisure. This is a magic school.
[10:12] ---
    I'm number one!
[10:14] ---
    I'm number one!
[10:16] ---
    I, Dot Barrett,
    is the main character of this world!
[10:20] ---
    The world revolves around me!
SIGN    DOT BARRETT
[10:25] ---
    Whew! It's revolving a bit more than—
[10:27] ---
    Whaddaya think you're looking at!?
[10:29] ---
    Weirdo.
[10:30] ---
    A first-year from our dorm.
[10:32] ---
    Wait, it’s you! The Mushroom Head
    people keep talking about!
[10:36] ---
    You look like a side character to me.
[10:39] ---
    Who is this guy?
[10:41] ---
    As of today, you’re a side character
    in both name and reality!
[10:44] ---
    Because yours truly is—
[10:46] ---
    Mash!
[10:51] ---
    Outdoor class is a bit scary.
[10:54] ---
    I'm not going to push myself too hard.
    So Mash, please take care out there, okay?
[10:59] ---
    Thanks.
[11:01] ---
    Mash, could I possibly tag along—
[11:03] ---
    Hey.
SIGN    PFFT
[11:10] ---
    I'll kill 'im!
SIGN    CLENCH
[11:13] ---
    I friggin' hate guys
    who get attention from women!
[11:17] ---
    I'll kill you! I'll triple kill ya!
[11:20] ---
    It's ridiculous to begin with!
[11:22] ---
    The global ratio of men to women
    is supposed to be equal!
SIGN    MEN
SIGN    WOMEN
[11:25] ---
    So why isn't there a single girl
    falling in love with me!?
[11:28] ---
    That's right, the answer is simple.
[11:30] ---
    It's because chumps like you
    ruin the system!
SIGN    OOOOOOOOOO
[11:34] ---
    Guys like you are why we have
    an aging population and a lower birthrate!
[11:38] ---
    Won't someone just settle for me!?
[11:40] ---
    That's why I made up my mind!
SIGN    BAM
[11:42] ---
    I'm gonna join the Bureau of Magic
    and rid this world of hot guys!
[11:47] ---
    - Oh Mash, I'll totally marry you.
    - Do cream puffs count as snacks?
[11:47] ---
    That mandragora cream puff
    was tasty, huh?
[11:52] ---
    Listen to me!
[11:53] ---
    My ego gets bruised the most
    when I'm ignored!
[11:56] ---
    Quiet, all of you.
[12:00] ---
    Both Adler and Lang will participate
    in this outdoor exercise.
[12:05] ---
    Your reward will be either a bronze or silver coin.
    Brace yourselves.
[12:11] ---
    Your task is the extermination
    of forest scorpions.
[12:15] ---
    Bring me the stones
    embedded in their foreheads.
[12:18] ---
    Most forest scorpions
    will only earn you bronze coins,
[12:22] ---
    but a few are strong enough
    to be worth silver coins.
[12:27] ---
    You can identify them easily.
[12:29] ---
    If the stone in their foreheads
    are square, they're worth silvers.
[12:33] ---
    Ordinary magic users
    almost certainly don't stand a chance.
[12:38] ---
    But such accomplishments
    make you Easton students.
[12:42] ---
    Do what you must to survive.
[12:45] ---
    In you go, in order now.
[12:50] ---
    Yeah, it's on!
    No way I'm losing to you!
[12:56] ---
    I'd like to make sure to get silver coins here.
[12:59] ---
    I should do my best, too.
[13:05] ---
    You think you're hot stuff, right?
[13:08] ---
    I can tell.
[13:11] ---
    You think you're so special.
[13:14] ---
    You mistakenly think
    you're not like the others.
[13:19] ---
    You subconsciously
    look down on others, don't you?
[13:26] ---
    Hey, what are you doing over there?
[13:28] ---
    I'll mark you down for that.
[13:29] ---
    Sorry, Professor.
    We were just horsing around.
[13:34] ---
    Right, first-year?
[13:38] ---
    Yes, yes. That's the look.
[13:40] ---
    I want to make
    a pathetically messed up face outta you.
[13:44] ---
    Looking forward to it, first-year!
[13:48] ---
    Hey, Mash.
[13:50] ---
    Ignore him.
[13:52] ---
    He's one year older than us.
[13:54] ---
    And he's infamous for misconduct.
[13:58] ---
    He's injured multiple teachers
    and students he doesn't like,
[14:02] ---
    to the point of being held back a grade.
[14:05] ---
    But they consider his talent as a magic user,
    so they haven't expelled him yet.
[14:11] ---
    You hear stuff like that often
    from Lang dorm.
[14:14] ---
    So, don't bother with them.
[14:16] ---
    I'm glad.
[14:18] ---
    I thought he crushed my cream puff.
[14:21] ---
    That's why he made that face?
[14:26] ---
    And don't tuck food in there directly.
    It's unhygienic.
[14:30] ---
    'Kay.
[14:33] ---
    I smell tremendous danger.
[14:36] ---
    I think it's wiser for us to work as a pair.
[14:40] ---
    Leave it to me, the oldest son...
[14:46] ---
    I zoned out, and now I'm all alone.
[14:50] ---
    Oh well.
[14:51] ---
    Yo yo yo, get those tails on out,
    damned scorpions!
[14:55] ---
    I'm gonna show up that mushroom head—
[15:03] ---
    Shut up.
SIGN    SLAP
[15:07] ---
    Just now, I wasted calories because of you.
[15:11] ---
    This is just terrible.
[15:13] ---
    I'll kill 'im.
[15:14] ---
    Fine. Forget about our class.
[15:17] ---
    Right here right now, you're...
[15:21] ---
    Stop it!
[15:22] ---
    Shut up!
[15:23] ---
    Because of you, I...
[15:26] ---
    I'll make you regret it!
[15:28] ---
    S-Someone... Someone help me!
[15:32] ---
    Explomb.
[15:45] ---
    Raising your hand against a girl...
    You're so done as a guy.
[15:50] ---
    U-Um...
[15:52] ---
    Huh?
SIGN    GLOW
[15:54] ---
    Thank you so much.
[15:58] ---
    S-S-S-So beautiful!
[16:02] ---
    Nope. Play it cool!
    I have to stay calm and act natural!

[16:10] ---
    That was nothing at...
[16:14] ---
    H-H-Her hands... So soft...
[16:18] ---
    You're... so strong.
SIGN    GLOW
[16:23] ---
    Argh! I can't do it!
[16:37] ---
    Now, is it almost time?
SIGN    NOM NOM NOM
[16:44] ---
    Thank you so much for what you did earlier.
[16:48] ---
    I-It was nothing.
[16:51] ---
    O-O-Our knees are touching!
[16:54] ---
    So, this is the natural distance
    of a modern couple?

[16:58] ---
    Stay calm. Be still, my heart.
[17:01] ---
    If I act weird, she'll catch on
    that I'm unpopular with girls.

[17:03] ---
    Keep cool. Come on, me. Keep cool.
[17:07] ---
    Cool! Cool! Cool!
[17:10] ---
    What's with him? Freaky.
[17:12] ---
    Huh? What'd you just say?
[17:14] ---
    I was marveling at how
    manly and wonderful you are.
[17:18] ---
    Oh no, I actually said wonderful.
[17:19] ---
    Huh? I thought I heard two syllables.
[17:22] ---
    It's the truth.
[17:25] ---
    You really are wonderful.
[17:35] ---
    With my magic, I can make anyone
    even slightly attracted to me fall in love.

[17:41] ---
    He's completely fallen for me now.
[17:44] ---
    Though, maybe he might
    have fallen even without magic.

[17:48] ---
    Next up, that mushroom head...
[17:51] ---
    Thank you too, kind sir.
    You were a great help.
[17:55] ---
    Oh, I didn't do anything.
[17:59] ---
    What? That's impossible.
[18:01] ---
    There's never been a man
    who hasn't fallen under my spell.

[18:05] ---
    More like, any guy should be like “hurray!”
    if a cute girl like me was flirting with him.

[18:10] ---
    I'll have to put more magic energy into it.
[18:14] ---
    That's not true.
[18:16] ---
    You really helped me out.
[18:18] ---
    You're very wonderful.
[18:21] ---
    Sound, sight, touch.
    My charm reaches all the senses!

[18:26] ---
    There is no man who can resist this!
[18:31] ---
    I said, I didn't do anything.
[18:35] ---
    It's not working at all!?
    What is wrong with this guy?

[18:38] ---
    Does he seriously
    not find me attractive!? Die!

[18:42] ---
    Fine. It's ours for the taking
    now that I have one of theirs.

[18:46] ---
    But you really did save me.
[18:50] ---
    Such a delicate facial expression.
[18:54] ---
    Do you have some kind of circumstance?
    I'll lend an ear.
[18:58] ---
    Actually, there’s a certain boy
    threatening me.
[19:02] ---
    A certain boy?
[19:04] ---
    A second-year by the name of Silva.
[19:06] ---
    He's someone I don't hear
    many good things about.
[19:10] ---
    He's trying to take advantage
    of magic only I can use.
[19:13] ---
    He's been stalking me for all this time.
[19:16] ---
    I don't want to be involved
    in anything that’s bad.
[19:20] ---
    But he's forcing me to, like he did earlier.
[19:24] ---
    I don't know what I should do.
[19:32] ---
    I'm sorry to bring this up so suddenly.
[19:35] ---
    It's all right.
    I'm totally gonna beat that guy up.
[19:39] ---
    Oh no.
    Please don't go out of your way.
[19:42] ---
    No. He's definitely
    getting beaten to a pulp.
[19:47] ---
    Kind sir...
[19:49] ---
    Hey!
[19:56] ---
    Who's gonna beat who to a pulp?
[19:59] ---
    Huh?
[20:00] ---
    So you're the guy...
[20:02] ---
    I'll be the one to kill you.
[20:06] ---
    You look like the cringiest punk out there.
[20:09] ---
    Whenever I come across a deluded loser
    like you, I can't help but give them a dose of reality.
[20:17] ---
    And when I do, what kind of look
    will you have on your face?
[20:21] ---
    Explomb!
[20:33] ---
    Machine Gun Explomb!
[20:37] ---
    I'm not done yet!
[20:39] ---
    Oi oi oi oi!
[20:41] ---
    Explomb!
[20:52] ---
    Die twice!
[20:56] ---
    Meanwhile...
[21:00] ---
    - I'm so glad you’re with us.
    - I’m so scared!
[21:03] ---
    Let go.
[21:04] ---
    Don't leave us!
[21:08] ---
    Anyway, is he doing all right?
[21:08] ---
    - Please don't! No! Don't leave us!
    - You’re the only one we can rely on!
[21:11] ---
    It seems that second-year
    was targeting him.

[21:14] ---
    They haven’t run into each other, have they?
[21:17] ---
    Heh! You weren't much of anything!
[21:27] ---
    Your puny magic
    can't break through mine.
[21:32] ---
    Got it!?
[21:38] ---
    Hey hey, what's wrong now?
    Where'd all that energy go?
[21:44] ---
    You're gonna kill me, right?
[21:46] ---
    Why don't you try a bit harder?
[21:49] ---
    But it's no wonder!
[21:51] ---
    Because even a moron can tell
    the difference...
[21:54] ---
    once they've seen the difference
    in our skills!
SIGN    NEXT EPISODE MASH BURNEDEAD AND THE MAGIC OF IRON