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E1 - Mash Burnedead and the Body of the Gods

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    This is the Magic Realm.
[00:03] ---
    It is called the Magic Realm
    because it is a world that has magic.

[00:08] ---
    Flying through the sky with a broom,
    levitating heavy objects,

[00:12] ---
    creating something out of nothing...
[00:16] ---
    Everyone can use magic at their will,
[00:19] ---
    and in this world,
    magic is a natural part of everyday life.

[00:23] ---
    Magic is believed to be a gift
    bestowed by God,

[00:26] ---
    and mastery of magic determines
    one's social status in this world.

[00:33] ---
    In a corner of this world,
    where dragons flying about is ordinary...

SIGN    TREMBLE TREMBLE
[00:38] ---
    Within that deep, deep forest,
[00:41] ---
    there is one whose existence
    defies the natural order.

[00:53] ---
    Nothing like a cream puff
    after pumping iron.
[02:31] ---
    My name is Regro Burnedead.
[02:34] ---
    I'm a chic and elegant 75-year-old
[02:36] ---
    living with my son in a forest
    far from other humans.

SIGN    REGRO BURNEDEAD
[02:45] ---
    I was quite reckless
    in all sorts of ways in my youth,

[02:49] ---
    but when you get as old as I,
    very little bothers you.

[02:54] ---
    And that’s because,
[02:56] ---
    through my experiences,
    I have acquired ways to combat stress.

[03:02] ---
    How to combat stress...
SIGN    RRRAAWR
[03:07] ---
    Oh, Pops. I'm home.
SIGN    MASH BURNEDEAD
[03:11] ---
    Why!?
[03:12] ---
    Why did you rip the door off
    its hinges to come in, Mash!?
[03:15] ---
    I couldn't remember
    if I was supposed to push or pull.
[03:17] ---
    How many years have you lived here!?
[03:20] ---
    So I just kind of forced—
[03:21] ---
    And you ended up breaking it!
[03:24] ---
    Sorry, Pops. I'll fix it.
[03:28] ---
    Oh, well... If you're repenting, then...
[03:31] ---
    He's always so amenable
    after each screwup.

[03:35] ---
    RRRAAWR
[03:37] ---
    Turn! Turn it! Turn it!
    You need to turn it!
[03:39] ---
    - Weird. It won't fit back in.
    - That's the wrong position!
[03:43] ---
    Huh? What'd you say?
[03:44] ---
    Quit with the pounding, would you!?
[03:46] ---
    Spit on the foundling?
[03:47] ---
    No!
[03:52] ---
    Sorry, Pops.
[03:54] ---
    I'll fix it.
[03:55] ---
    W-Well... Yeah, um...
[03:59] ---
    Mash, did you finish
    today's training routine?
[04:03] ---
    Of course.
[04:06] ---
    Hey, Pops.
[04:08] ---
    I've been meaning to ask...
[04:09] ---
    Why are all of my workouts physical?
[04:12] ---
    Because you...
[04:14] ---
    You're not like ordinary people.
[04:17] ---
    You can't use magic at all
    because you're different.

[04:21] ---
    So the least I can do is...
[04:24] ---
    Never mind. A story for another time.
[04:27] ---
    Anyway, I'm heading out for a bit.
[04:30] ---
    I'm trusting you to housesit.
[04:32] ---
    - Okay.
    - Don't break the door.
[04:35] ---
    Don’t worry,
    I learned how to fix it.
[04:37] ---
    Learn how to open and close
    the door instead!
[04:40] ---
    Push in, or pull out...
[04:41] ---
    Pull out! Pull out to open the door!
[04:44] ---
    Anyways, I'm heading out.
[04:47] ---
    I've told you countless times before,
[04:49] ---
    but while I'm out, you must never
    venture into the city.
[04:53] ---
    Yeah, I won't.
[04:55] ---
    Right. Mash, you’re such a good,
    amenable son.
[04:59] ---
    Now, I'll be on my way.
[05:01] ---
    Be safe.
SIGN    GOBLIN
    CREAM PUFF
    SPECIAL MENU
    TODAY ONLY
[05:12] ---
    Sorry, Pops.
[05:14] ---
    But I can't ignore
    the call of an empty stomach.

[05:26] ---
    Magic.
[05:28] ---
    Magic.
[05:30] ---
    Magic.
[05:33] ---
    They're still just doing stuff
    you can do with your hands.
[05:43] ---
    Seven limited cream puffs, please.
[05:45] ---
    Sure thing.
[05:49] ---
    Oops. I got too excited
    and couldn't hold back.
[05:53] ---
    But these don't usually bend
    just by squeezing your hand.

[05:57] ---
    Sorry. Let me fix them.
[06:00] ---
    Did you say, "fix"?
[06:03] ---
    This should work.
[06:05] ---
    Huh? Hold on...
[06:09] ---
    Freaky? Huh? No, wait... Um...
[06:14] ---
    Here. Thanks for waiting.
[06:16] ---
    Thank you very much.
[06:21] ---
    Hey, did you see it?
[06:22] ---
    I don't see it anywhere on his face.
[06:24] ---
    - No way.
    - You're right. Nothing.
[06:25] ---
    Unbelievable.
[06:27] ---
    Sir, are you actually a...
[06:31] ---
    No, never mind.
    Thanks for your patronage.
[06:35] ---
    This year's "Divine Visionary"
    has been determined.

[06:39] ---
    The one chosen as "Divine Visionary" is Rayne Ames,
    a second-year at Easton Magic Academy,

[06:44] ---
    a prestigious school in the Magic Realm.
[06:47] ---
    This title is awarded
[06:48] ---
    to the student demonstrating the highest degree
    of excellence over the school year.

[06:52] ---
    In addition to promotion to nobility,
[06:54] ---
    Yeah, yeah.
    Must feel good with all that talent.
[06:54] ---
    recipients are gifted a grant
    of one billion lond and are further awarded

[06:57] ---
    provisional employment at the Bureau of Magic,
    the highest legal organization.

[07:00] ---
    Then you have me here,
    living a dull life in a dull place.
[07:01] ---
    He is expected to contribute greatly
    for the prosperity of this country.

[07:07] ---
    P-Please forgive me.
    I only stole a little something.
[07:13] ---
    Huh? Are you kidding me?
[07:17] ---
    You gave me more work
    with your petty crime.
[07:21] ---
    I gotta make you regret it
    so you’ll never trouble me again.
[07:27] ---
    S-Stop it! Please!
[07:34] ---
    What is it? I'm busy.
[07:37] ---
    What? There's an unmarked brat
    in the city?
[07:42] ---
    Wonder what everyone
    was all riled up about back there.
[07:46] ---
    While I'm out, you must never
    venture out into the city.

[07:51] ---
    Sorry, Pops.
[07:53] ---
    But it was worth coming here.
[07:56] ---
    I got to eat Goblin Cream Puffs.
[08:00] ---
    Yummy, yummy, yum...
[08:06] ---
    Oh, sorry.
[08:07] ---
    Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
[08:08] ---
    What do you think you’re doing?
    I'm workin' over here!
SIGN    VODKA
    ABV 90%
[08:12] ---
    I'm a proud member of the magic police,
    protecting ordinary folks like you!
[08:17] ---
    And do I get any thanks? No!
[08:20] ---
    The only thing I get is bottom-barrel pay!
[08:22] ---
    Wanna have me
    take out my stress on ya?
[08:28] ---
    Would you like a cream puff?
    I somehow feel sorry for you.
[08:31] ---
    He's pitying me!
[08:33] ---
    And it's half eaten!
[08:36] ---
    Why would you give me
    a half-eaten cream puff?
[08:39] ---
    Ya aimin' for an indirect kiss or something?
    Ya love me?
[08:42] ---
    Are ya pickin' a fight?
[08:44] ---
    That's basically pickin'
    a fight with this country!
[08:46] ---
    And whatcha gonna do
    about my uniform? Huh?
[08:53] ---
    What?
[08:57] ---
    I'm sorry. I will wash
    and return these clothes to you.
[09:01] ---
    Now it ain't clothes!
    Not as of this moment! Thanks to you!
[09:05] ---
    What exactly did ya do, huh?
[09:07] ---
    What's the matter, Terry?
[09:09] ---
    Brad, this kid...
[09:11] ---
    Don't make a riot over nothing.
[09:14] ---
    More like, why the hell are you naked?
SIGN    BRAD COLEMAN
[09:20] ---
    Well, that's because this kid...
[09:23] ---
    Must be him.
SIGN    NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
[09:24] ---
    The unmarked brat from that report.
[09:28] ---
    Wait.
SIGN    NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
[09:29] ---
    Would anyone be eating cream puffs
    in this kind of situation?

[09:34] ---
    Hey, you over there.
[09:37] ---
    Please excuse my son!
[09:47] ---
    This will be a bit of a hassle,
[09:50] ---
    but this may be my chance
    for a promotion.
[09:56] ---
    After them!
[10:07] ---
    You idiot!
[10:08] ---
    How may times have I told you?
    Don't go to the city on your own!
[10:12] ---
    I'm really sorry. I'll never go again.
[10:17] ---
    He's really broken up about it.
    It's clear he regrets his actions.

[10:21] ---
    I can't stay mad at him.
[10:24] ---
    Well, if that's the case, yeah.
[10:28] ---
    But as punishment, you'll repeat
    this morning's training routine.
[10:32] ---
    Okay. And these cream puffs
    are for you.
[10:36] ---
    Oh, thank you.
[10:44] ---
    Here.
[10:45] ---
    Thanks, Pops.
[10:49] ---
    He's such a good boy.
[10:51] ---
    I thought a teenage son
    would be really passionate,

[10:53] ---
    rife with arguments
    and rebellious streaks,

[10:56] ---
    as you deepen your bonds
    with each other.

[10:59] ---
    But he's so amenable,
    though a bit informal.

[11:05] ---
    Well, I guess he's at an age
    where he wants to get out.

[11:09] ---
    We've lived here in hiding until now,
    away from the city in this forest, for his sake.

[11:15] ---
    But now the magic police
    have caught wind of him.
[11:21] ---
    I must act quickly.
[11:29] ---
    What is that?
[11:42] ---
    Hey, old geezer.
[11:44] ---
    Where's the brat I saw earlier?
[11:48] ---
    This is bad.
[12:03] ---
    Five minutes is all I need
    when I put my mind to it.
[12:06] ---
    Time to head home and eat cream puffs.
[12:10] ---
    "Crea" a puff, a creamy puff.
[12:14] ---
    "Mp" a creamy, creamy puff.
[12:18] ---
    "uff" a puff, a creamy puff.
[12:22] ---
    Was I supposed to push or pull?
[12:25] ---
    Guess it doesn't matter.
[12:27] ---
    You knew and that's why
    you hid that brat, right?
[12:31] ---
    You know why magic has flourished
    since the dawn of recorded history?
[12:37] ---
    It's because we aggressively rid ourselves
    of inferior blood unable to use magic.
[12:43] ---
    It's a necessary sacrifice
    for the world to go round.
[12:46] ---
    Simply put, those who can't use magic
    have no privileges.
[12:52] ---
    Privilege to live, that is.
[12:55] ---
    Or should I say,
    they aren't supposed to live at all?
[12:59] ---
    Spill it. Where’s the brat?
[13:02] ---
    I-I have no idea
    what you're talking about.
[13:09] ---
    Sheltering the unmarked
    is a serious offense, old man.
[13:14] ---
    Hurry up and hand over the brat.
[13:19] ---
    I refuse!
[13:23] ---
    Fess up.
[13:24] ---
    If you play nice and give us the brat,
    I'll have my bosses spare you.
[13:30] ---
    I won’t.
[13:31] ---
    Never. I will never tell him.
[13:35] ---
    Why can't you do something so simple!?
[13:38] ---
    I'm sorry.
[13:39] ---
    Your magic is weak.
    You can't do anything properly!
[13:42] ---
    Our bloodline has no need
    for failures like you!
[13:47] ---
    I'm sorry.
[13:49] ---
    Hey! You can't even do something
    as simple as this?
[13:52] ---
    You're useless!
[13:53] ---
    I-I apologize.
[13:55] ---
    There are plenty of others
    who can replace you!
[13:56] ---
    I have always been a failure of a human.
[13:56] ---
    I apologize.
[13:58] ---
    - You failed again!
    - I’m really sorry!
[14:00] ---
    I kept failing
    even after I became an adult.

[14:03] ---
    You messed up again!
[14:05] ---
    You're fired!
[14:06] ---
    How can you keep living like that?
[14:09] ---
    I'd already be dead
    from embarrassment.

[14:19] ---
    Completely unwanted.
[14:22] ---
    I thought that's how my life would end.
[14:30] ---
    If that's the case, then I should just...
[14:42] ---
    This baby...
[14:44] ---
    has no mark.
[14:47] ---
    You were abandoned
    because you were unmarked.
[14:52] ---
    You're just like me.
[15:00] ---
    In this moment, for the first time
    in my life, I felt like someone needed me.

[15:07] ---
    I swore on that day...
[15:11] ---
    Even if we're not related by blood,
    even if the entire world denied his existence,

[15:18] ---
    I would always be a father to that boy!
[15:22] ---
    Tell us where he is already, old man.
[15:25] ---
    Run, Mash!
[15:27] ---
    You old geezer!
[15:27] ---
    You have to get away right now, Mash!
[15:29] ---
    Hey! This means
    he's still close by! Find him!
[15:32] ---
    Yessir!
[15:34] ---
    Run for it, Mash!
[15:35] ---
    Damn you, old geezer!
[15:39] ---
    - L-Let go of me!
    - Run! Run!
[15:40] ---
    Please let my words reach him.
[15:41] ---
    Pipe it down, old geezer!
[15:44] ---
    All that matters
    is that you're safe! Please!

[15:46] ---
    - Old man, hurry up and...
    - Run away!
[15:49] ---
    You are my one and only...
[15:53] ---
    Run! Run away, Mash!
[15:56] ---
    That's enough, old man.
[15:59] ---
    I'll make you regret this.
[16:26] ---
    Hey you! You had some nerve
    earlier today when...
[16:31] ---
    My second shirt today...
SIGN    SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP
[16:40] ---
    Why...
[16:41] ---
    Why didn't you run, Mash?
[16:45] ---
    Because we're family.
[16:47] ---
    You're all I've got.
[16:50] ---
    Sorry for being selfish, Pops.
[16:53] ---
    But since I'm here...
[16:57] ---
    I might as well send you guys to hell.
[17:03] ---
    What a joke.
[17:05] ---
    You can't even use magic.
    How are you going to take me down?
[17:09] ---
    What an idiot. Brad used to be
    on the Bureau of Magic's Security Force.

[17:14] ---
    Regular mages around here
    don't hold a candle to him.

[17:18] ---
    And a magic-less chump
    wants to take him on?

[17:23] ---
    He won't stand a chance!
[17:24] ---
    It'll be over in three seconds.
[17:30] ---
    That’s the spell that drove away a dragon
    in his Bureau of Magic's Security Force days!

[17:35] ---
    I didn't think I would get to see it here!
[17:40] ---
    Eat this.
[17:42] ---
    Nalcom Pas!
[17:44] ---
    Mash!
[17:59] ---
    Mash!
[18:01] ---
    Huh? Did he...
[18:03] ---
    My Nalcom Pas... He just...
[18:06] ---
    He slapped it down? Like, “paff”?
[18:09] ---
    Can magic be paff'ed just like that?
[18:12] ---
    I drove a dragon away
    with that spell, you know?

[18:15] ---
    What? There's no way.
[18:20] ---
    Not bad, brat!
[18:22] ---
    But how about this?
[18:25] ---
    That magical energy output!
[18:26] ---
    Is he trying to destroy
    this entire area?

[18:29] ---
    Hold on, Brad!
[18:30] ---
    You shouldn't do that!
[18:32] ---
    Nalcom Pas Diagorus!
[18:43] ---
    Damn it!
[18:47] ---
    This brat...
[18:48] ---
    He's killing the momentum
    with his knees!

[18:50] ---
    What a soft touch!
[18:52] ---
    All right, then how about this?
[18:56] ---
    And now he's juggling!
[19:00] ---
    Look at those dribbling moves!
[19:03] ---
    This brat is totally
    making a fool of me.

[19:09] ---
    Pops, I'm gonna borrow your wand.
[19:11] ---
    What’s going on?
[19:13] ---
    He can use magic after all?
[19:17] ---
    Doesn't matter.
[19:19] ---
    Ordinary magic
    won't even reach me anyway...

[19:43] ---
    I've never seen anyone
    use a magic wand like that before.

[19:50] ---
    Threaten my family again...
[19:53] ---
    and I'll kill you.
SIGN    TREMBLE TREMBLE
[19:54] ---
    His training was only meant
    to teach him self-defense.

[19:58] ---
    How is this physically possible?
[20:00] ---
    Either way, we're done for.
[20:03] ---
    Even if we fend them off
    for now, in due time...

[20:08] ---
    Interesting.
[20:10] ---
    Let's make a deal, Mushroom Head.
[20:12] ---
    Do what I ask, and I'll let you
    and the old geezer slide.
[20:16] ---
    A deal?
[20:18] ---
    Once a year in this country,
[20:20] ---
    one exceptional student
    is revered as one of God's chosen.
[20:24] ---
    It's called the "Divine Visionary."
[20:27] ---
    Enroll in a magic school
    and be chosen as one.
[20:31] ---
    Simply put, if you're selected,
    it means God has accepted you.
[20:36] ---
    Which means, society will accept you.
[20:39] ---
    I just want the fortune and prestige
    that comes with it.
[20:43] ---
    I'll back you up, of course.
[20:44] ---
    Don't listen to him, Mash!
[20:46] ---
    Those are the words of someone
    who was an enemy until moments ago!
[20:50] ---
    It's up to you
    if you want to be skeptical or not.
[20:53] ---
    But if you refuse, we’ll hunt you down
    for the rest of your life.
[20:58] ---
    If I'm after you,
    the whole country will be, too.
[21:01] ---
    You'll be okay because you're tough.
    But what about the old man?
[21:06] ---
    A life where you can never feel at ease,
    and unable to set foot in a city.
[21:11] ---
    Well, the choice is yours.
[21:14] ---
    Spend the rest of your life
    being hunted down,
[21:16] ---
    or brace yourself to die
    and try turning the tables?
[21:24] ---
    - You got a deal.
    - Are you sane? It's a magic school!
[21:27] ---
    I'll be fine, Pops. My motivation
    is stronger than anyone else.
[21:31] ---
    This isn't about motivation!
[21:34] ---
    Besides...
[21:35] ---
    I want us to be able
    to live in peace again.
[21:38] ---
    You're such a good boy.
[21:40] ---
    My son!
SIGN    MY SON
[21:43] ---
    Living in peace with Pops.
[21:47] ---
    If it's a world that won't allow
    something as natural as that...
[21:57] ---
    Then I've got no choice but to crush it.
[22:01] ---
    With my fist.
SIGN    NEXT EPISODE
    MASH BURNEDEAD AND THE MYSTERIOUS MAZE