# E5 - Mash Burnedead and the Unpopular Classmate
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GMKUXGMQZ/mash-burnedead-and-the-unpopular-classmate)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] ---**
*There are three dorms
in Easton Magic Academy.*
**[00:05] ---**
*Students with corresponding characteristics
are assigned to each dorm.*
**[00:12] ---**
*Adler. Courage and conviction.*
**[00:16] ---**
*Orca. Wisdom and willingness.*
**[00:21] ---**
*Lang. Ability and ambition.*
**[00:25] ---**
*The dorms are rivals with one another.*
**[00:28] ---**
*To visualize their principles and positions,*
**[00:31] ---**
*their friendly rivalry
carries across the entire academy.*
**[02:06] ---**
*This is the Adler dorm,
where Mash and Finn reside.*
**[02:10] ---**
*In their room, Room 302...*
**[02:15] ---**
So, five silver coins make one gold coin?
**[02:19] ---**
That's five minus two. Let's see...
**[02:24] ---**
Just 28 left.
**[02:26] ---**
Five minus two is three.
**[02:28] ---**
It's a trick question?
**[02:29] ---**
No, there's no tricks about this!
**[02:32] ---**
So I'm a meathead?
**[02:34] ---**
You got that right, but...
**[02:39] ---**
In any case, it's so peaceful today
with nothing going on.
**[02:44] ---**
It sure is...
**[02:47] ---**
No, there is something!
Our assignment!
***SIGN*** ZOOM
**[02:49] ---**
Oh. Really?
**[02:51] ---**
Crap, crap, I forgot about it!
**[02:53] ---**
If we don't submit our Potions assignment,
**[02:56] ---**
we'll be severely marked down
and we'll be in the drop-out range!
**[03:00] ---**
Want one?
**[03:02] ---**
This isn't the time for snacks!
**[03:04] ---**
Sorry.
**[03:05] ---**
I have to do it! I have to do it!
I have to do my Potions assignment!
**[03:10] ---**
You still haven't done it yet?
**[03:13] ---**
Lance.
**[03:15] ---**
Oh, it's the lolicon.
**[03:16] ---**
That's siscon to you.
**[03:18] ---**
Loitering around doing nothing...
**[03:20] ---**
You two are the dictionary definition
of slackers.
**[03:23] ---**
Wait, Lance. Did you finish already?
**[03:26] ---**
Of course.
I'm a lot more conscious than you are.
**[03:30] ---**
*I should've expected that
from the top student in our class.*
**[03:34] ---**
*Lance is simply flawless.*
**[03:36] ---**
Guys like you
might ruin the dorm's reputation.
**[03:40] ---**
Have some shame.
***SIGN*** SMASH
**[03:48] ---**
He flew backwards by himself?
**[03:51] ---**
*O, my precious!*
**[03:54] ---**
*Foisting thy fair light
upon my feeble eyes unwarn’d!*
**[04:00] ---**
*‘Tis my fate to succumb
to thy infinite warmth.*
**[04:02] ---**
*I love you!*
**[04:03] ---**
You use these for the Potions assignment.
**[04:07] ---**
*What was with that
dramatic display just now?*
**[04:12] ---**
A mandragora.
**[04:14] ---**
Silence their screams and they become
a universal ingredient in potions.
***SIGN*** AIEEEEEE!
**[04:19] ---**
Oh, another thing that uses magic.
**[04:22] ---**
"Another"? You know
this is magic school, right?
**[04:25] ---**
I'll show you how it's done.
**[04:28] ---**
Quientus.
**[04:38] ---**
You try.
**[04:42] ---**
Quientus.
**[04:44] ---**
Quientus!
**[04:47] ---**
I can't do it. It won't stop screaming.
**[04:49] ---**
Finn.
**[04:51] ---**
Your center of gravity is unstable.
Your core muscles are quite weak.
**[04:55] ---**
Huh? Core muscles?
**[05:01] ---**
Quientus.
**[05:07] ---**
*I think it's gotten worse?
Its pupils are dilated, too.*
**[05:11] ---**
Finn, focus your magic
on a single point.
**[05:14] ---**
Oh, okay.
**[05:16] ---**
Listen up, Finn.
**[05:17] ---**
Visualize gently caressing it
as you release the magic.
**[05:21] ---**
O-Okay.
**[05:23] ---**
Quientus.
**[05:26] ---**
Slowly. That's it.
**[05:34] ---**
I did it! I did it, Lance!
**[05:37] ---**
Even slackers like you
should be able to do this much.
**[05:42] ---**
Thanks!
**[05:43] ---**
*Maybe Lance is really good
at taking care of others.*
**[05:47] ---**
Oh, yeah. How is Mash doing?
**[05:54] ---**
*That plant's flipped out! It's so huge!*
***SIGN*** SLAP
**[06:12] ---**
I did it.
**[06:14] ---**
Did you really, though?
***SIGN*** MANDRAGORA COOKING
**[06:20] ---**
Once they're asleep,
they turn into a regular herb.
**[06:23] ---**
Now we create a compound.
**[06:25] ---**
Compounding is comparatively simple.
Watch closely.
**[06:29] ---**
Take this, and first do this.
***SIGN*** TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK
**[06:32] ---**
Then do this.
***SIGN*** SWISH
**[06:33] ---**
And do this.
***SIGN*** SIZZLE
**[06:36] ---**
And with this...
***SIGN*** BAM
**[06:38] ---**
It's done.
**[06:39] ---**
*That's not easy at all!*
**[06:42] ---**
Got it.
**[06:43] ---**
You've got to be lying!
**[06:45] ---**
No, really.
**[06:47] ---**
Trust me, as long as it's not magic.
***SIGN*** TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK
**[06:50] ---**
First, take this, and then...
***SIGN*** SWISH
**[06:52] ---**
Do this...
***SIGN*** SIZZLE
**[06:53] ---**
Then this... And it's done.
***SIGN*** BAM
**[06:57] ---**
*That's totally not it!*
**[06:59] ---**
*How did that end up as a cream puff?*
**[07:01] ---**
You're screwing around, aren't you?
**[07:04] ---**
I'm not screwing around.
**[07:10] ---**
You start like this.
**[07:12] ---**
'Kay.
**[07:13] ---**
Then you add this.
**[07:15] ---**
'Kay.
**[07:16] ---**
Stir well.
**[07:18] ---**
'Kay.
**[07:19] ---**
Add this last.
**[07:21] ---**
'Kay.
**[07:23] ---**
Okay.
**[07:23] ---**
BA-YUMMY
**[07:26] ---**
*Why is this!?*
**[07:28] ---**
*I watched him from start to finish.*
**[07:30] ---**
*When did it become a cream puff!?*
**[07:33] ---**
You’re completely useless
when not fighting, huh?
**[07:36] ---**
Well, yeah.
**[07:38] ---**
*Why is he so confident?*
**[07:43] ---**
Oh well. Let me warn you.
**[07:48] ---**
I won't lose to you ever again.
**[07:51] ---**
There's a reason
I need to join the Bureau of Magic.
**[07:55] ---**
And that is?
**[07:56] ---**
It's none of your business.
**[08:01] ---**
But you equaled me,
if not more, in combat.
**[08:07] ---**
I will not allow some nobody
to take your coins away from you.
**[08:13] ---**
You don't have to warn me,
because it won't happen.
**[08:16] ---**
Quick with the comebacks.
**[08:18] ---**
Let's try this again.
**[08:20] ---**
'Kay.
**[08:22] ---**
The all-dorm off-campus class
is coming up soon.
**[08:27] ---**
I wonder if he'll be all right.
**[08:29] ---**
And then, that was when...
**[08:31] ---**
No way. Are you serious?
**[08:34] ---**
And what happened after that?
**[08:36] ---**
That's when...
**[08:39] ---**
Hey, you bumped into me
just now, didn't you?
**[08:42] ---**
Don't be walkin' into people's faces!
**[08:54] ---**
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
**[08:56] ---**
What am I supposed to do
if I'm not walkin' into people's faces?
**[09:02] ---**
Side characters have no right
to give me orders, you moron!
**[09:11] ---**
The Divine Visionaries are the ones
who mold this world.
**[09:15] ---**
They rule it.
**[09:18] ---**
Tell me, what traits
should a ruler possess?
**[09:21] ---**
A noble bloodline and overwhelming power
that brooks no argument.
**[09:27] ---**
Correct.
Which means it is not those in Adler.
**[09:34] ---**
It is us... Lang.
**[09:38] ---**
Seize all of their coins.
**[09:41] ---**
Yessir.
**[09:44] ---**
Nummy.
**[09:45] ---**
Ugh, it's tasty? That's a mandragora!
**[09:48] ---**
Yum, yum.
**[09:49] ---**
Seriously!?
**[09:51] ---**
*Apparently, mandragora cream puffs are tasty.*
**[09:57] ---**
*And now, the next day...*
**[10:00] ---**
We're supposed to be
having class here today.
**[10:03] ---**
What are we going to do here?
**[10:06] ---**
What do you do in a forest...
Camping?
**[10:08] ---**
That's for leisure. This is a magic school.
**[10:12] ---**
I'm number one!
**[10:14] ---**
I'm number one!
**[10:16] ---**
I, Dot Barrett,
is the main character of this world!
**[10:20] ---**
The world revolves around me!
***SIGN*** DOT BARRETT
**[10:25] ---**
Whew! It's revolving a bit more than—
**[10:27] ---**
Whaddaya think you're looking at!?
**[10:29] ---**
Weirdo.
**[10:30] ---**
A first-year from our dorm.
**[10:32] ---**
Wait, it’s you! The Mushroom Head
people keep talking about!
**[10:36] ---**
You look like a side character to me.
**[10:39] ---**
Who is this guy?
**[10:41] ---**
As of today, you’re a side character
in both name and reality!
**[10:44] ---**
Because yours truly is—
**[10:46] ---**
Mash!
**[10:51] ---**
Outdoor class is a bit scary.
**[10:54] ---**
I'm not going to push myself too hard.
So Mash, please take care out there, okay?
**[10:59] ---**
Thanks.
**[11:01] ---**
Mash, could I possibly tag along—
**[11:03] ---**
Hey.
***SIGN*** PFFT
**[11:10] ---**
I'll kill 'im!
***SIGN*** CLENCH
**[11:13] ---**
I friggin' hate guys
who get attention from women!
**[11:17] ---**
I'll kill you! I'll triple kill ya!
**[11:20] ---**
It's ridiculous to begin with!
**[11:22] ---**
The global ratio of men to women
is supposed to be equal!
***SIGN*** MEN
***SIGN*** WOMEN
**[11:25] ---**
So why isn't there a single girl
falling in love with me!?
**[11:28] ---**
That's right, the answer is simple.
**[11:30] ---**
It's because chumps like you
ruin the system!
***SIGN*** OOOOOOOOOO
**[11:34] ---**
Guys like you are why we have
an aging population and a lower birthrate!
**[11:38] ---**
Won't someone just settle for me!?
**[11:40] ---**
That's why I made up my mind!
***SIGN*** BAM
**[11:42] ---**
I'm gonna join the Bureau of Magic
and rid this world of hot guys!
**[11:47] ---**
- Oh Mash, I'll totally marry you.
- Do cream puffs count as snacks?
**[11:47] ---**
That mandragora cream puff
was tasty, huh?
**[11:52] ---**
Listen to me!
**[11:53] ---**
My ego gets bruised the most
when I'm ignored!
**[11:56] ---**
Quiet, all of you.
**[12:00] ---**
Both Adler and Lang will participate
in this outdoor exercise.
**[12:05] ---**
Your reward will be either a bronze or silver coin.
Brace yourselves.
**[12:11] ---**
Your task is the extermination
of forest scorpions.
**[12:15] ---**
Bring me the stones
embedded in their foreheads.
**[12:18] ---**
Most forest scorpions
will only earn you bronze coins,
**[12:22] ---**
but a few are strong enough
to be worth silver coins.
**[12:27] ---**
You can identify them easily.
**[12:29] ---**
If the stone in their foreheads
are square, they're worth silvers.
**[12:33] ---**
Ordinary magic users
almost certainly don't stand a chance.
**[12:38] ---**
But such accomplishments
make you Easton students.
**[12:42] ---**
Do what you must to survive.
**[12:45] ---**
In you go, in order now.
**[12:50] ---**
Yeah, it's on!
No way I'm losing to you!
**[12:56] ---**
I'd like to make sure to get silver coins here.
**[12:59] ---**
I should do my best, too.
**[13:05] ---**
You think you're hot stuff, right?
**[13:08] ---**
I can tell.
**[13:11] ---**
You think you're so special.
**[13:14] ---**
You mistakenly think
you're not like the others.
**[13:19] ---**
You subconsciously
look down on others, don't you?
**[13:26] ---**
Hey, what are you doing over there?
**[13:28] ---**
I'll mark you down for that.
**[13:29] ---**
Sorry, Professor.
We were just horsing around.
**[13:34] ---**
Right, first-year?
**[13:38] ---**
Yes, yes. That's the look.
**[13:40] ---**
I want to make
a pathetically messed up face outta you.
**[13:44] ---**
Looking forward to it, first-year!
**[13:48] ---**
Hey, Mash.
**[13:50] ---**
Ignore him.
**[13:52] ---**
He's one year older than us.
**[13:54] ---**
And he's infamous for misconduct.
**[13:58] ---**
He's injured multiple teachers
and students he doesn't like,
**[14:02] ---**
to the point of being held back a grade.
**[14:05] ---**
But they consider his talent as a magic user,
so they haven't expelled him yet.
**[14:11] ---**
You hear stuff like that often
from Lang dorm.
**[14:14] ---**
So, don't bother with them.
**[14:16] ---**
I'm glad.
**[14:18] ---**
I thought he crushed my cream puff.
**[14:21] ---**
*That's why he made that face?*
**[14:26] ---**
And don't tuck food in there directly.
It's unhygienic.
**[14:30] ---**
'Kay.
**[14:33] ---**
I smell tremendous danger.
**[14:36] ---**
I think it's wiser for us to work as a pair.
**[14:40] ---**
Leave it to me, the oldest son...
**[14:46] ---**
I zoned out, and now I'm all alone.
**[14:50] ---**
Oh well.
**[14:51] ---**
Yo yo yo, get those tails on out,
damned scorpions!
**[14:55] ---**
I'm gonna show up that mushroom head—
**[15:03] ---**
Shut up.
***SIGN*** SLAP
**[15:07] ---**
Just now, I wasted calories because of you.
**[15:11] ---**
This is just terrible.
**[15:13] ---**
I'll kill 'im.
**[15:14] ---**
Fine. Forget about our class.
**[15:17] ---**
Right here right now, you're...
**[15:21] ---**
Stop it!
**[15:22] ---**
Shut up!
**[15:23] ---**
Because of you, I...
**[15:26] ---**
I'll make you regret it!
**[15:28] ---**
S-Someone... Someone help me!
**[15:32] ---**
Explomb.
**[15:45] ---**
Raising your hand against a girl...
You're so done as a guy.
**[15:50] ---**
U-Um...
**[15:52] ---**
Huh?
***SIGN*** GLOW
**[15:54] ---**
Thank you so much.
**[15:58] ---**
*S-S-S-So beautiful!*
**[16:02] ---**
*Nope. Play it cool!
I have to stay calm and act natural!*
**[16:10] ---**
That was nothing at...
**[16:14] ---**
*H-H-Her hands... So soft...*
**[16:18] ---**
You're... so strong.
***SIGN*** GLOW
**[16:23] ---**
Argh! I can't do it!
**[16:37] ---**
Now, is it almost time?
***SIGN*** NOM NOM NOM
**[16:44] ---**
Thank you so much for what you did earlier.
**[16:48] ---**
I-It was nothing.
**[16:51] ---**
*O-O-Our knees are touching!*
**[16:54] ---**
*So, this is the natural distance
of a modern couple?*
**[16:58] ---**
*Stay calm. Be still, my heart.*
**[17:01] ---**
*If I act weird, she'll catch on
that I'm unpopular with girls.*
**[17:03] ---**
*Keep cool. Come on, me. Keep cool.*
**[17:07] ---**
Cool! Cool! Cool!
**[17:10] ---**
What's with him? Freaky.
**[17:12] ---**
Huh? What'd you just say?
**[17:14] ---**
I was marveling at how
manly and wonderful you are.
**[17:18] ---**
Oh no, I actually said wonderful.
**[17:19] ---**
Huh? I thought I heard two syllables.
**[17:22] ---**
It's the truth.
**[17:25] ---**
You really are wonderful.
**[17:35] ---**
*With my magic, I can make anyone
even slightly attracted to me fall in love.*
**[17:41] ---**
*He's completely fallen for me now.*
**[17:44] ---**
*Though, maybe he might
have fallen even without magic.*
**[17:48] ---**
*Next up, that mushroom head...*
**[17:51] ---**
Thank you too, kind sir.
You were a great help.
**[17:55] ---**
Oh, I didn't do anything.
**[17:59] ---**
*What? That's impossible.*
**[18:01] ---**
*There's never been a man
who hasn't fallen under my spell.*
**[18:05] ---**
*More like, any guy should be like “hurray!”
if a cute girl like me was flirting with him.*
**[18:10] ---**
*I'll have to put more magic energy into it.*
**[18:14] ---**
That's not true.
**[18:16] ---**
You really helped me out.
**[18:18] ---**
You're very wonderful.
**[18:21] ---**
*Sound, sight, touch.
My charm reaches all the senses!*
**[18:26] ---**
*There is no man who can resist this!*
**[18:31] ---**
I said, I didn't do anything.
**[18:35] ---**
*It's not working at all!?
What is wrong with this guy?*
**[18:38] ---**
*Does he seriously
not find me attractive!? Die!*
**[18:42] ---**
*Fine. It's ours for the taking
now that I have one of theirs.*
**[18:46] ---**
But you really did save me.
**[18:50] ---**
*Such a delicate facial expression.*
**[18:54] ---**
Do you have some kind of circumstance?
I'll lend an ear.
**[18:58] ---**
Actually, there’s a certain boy
threatening me.
**[19:02] ---**
A certain boy?
**[19:04] ---**
A second-year by the name of Silva.
**[19:06] ---**
He's someone I don't hear
many good things about.
**[19:10] ---**
He's trying to take advantage
of magic only I can use.
**[19:13] ---**
He's been stalking me for all this time.
**[19:16] ---**
I don't want to be involved
in anything that’s bad.
**[19:20] ---**
But he's forcing me to, like he did earlier.
**[19:24] ---**
I don't know what I should do.
**[19:32] ---**
I'm sorry to bring this up so suddenly.
**[19:35] ---**
It's all right.
I'm totally gonna beat that guy up.
**[19:39] ---**
Oh no.
Please don't go out of your way.
**[19:42] ---**
No. He's definitely
getting beaten to a pulp.
**[19:47] ---**
Kind sir...
**[19:49] ---**
Hey!
**[19:56] ---**
Who's gonna beat who to a pulp?
**[19:59] ---**
Huh?
**[20:00] ---**
So you're the guy...
**[20:02] ---**
I'll be the one to kill you.
**[20:06] ---**
You look like the cringiest punk out there.
**[20:09] ---**
Whenever I come across a deluded loser
like you, I can't help but give them a dose of reality.
**[20:17] ---**
And when I do, what kind of look
will you have on your face?
**[20:21] ---**
Explomb!
**[20:33] ---**
Machine Gun Explomb!
**[20:37] ---**
I'm not done yet!
**[20:39] ---**
Oi oi oi oi!
**[20:41] ---**
Explomb!
**[20:52] ---**
Die twice!
**[20:56] ---**
*Meanwhile...*
**[21:00] ---**
- I'm so glad you’re with us.
- I’m so scared!
**[21:03] ---**
Let go.
**[21:04] ---**
Don't leave us!
**[21:08] ---**
*Anyway, is he doing all right?*
**[21:08] ---**
- Please don't! No! Don't leave us!
- You’re the only one we can rely on!
**[21:11] ---**
*It seems that second-year
was targeting him.*
**[21:14] ---**
*They haven’t run into each other, have they?*
**[21:17] ---**
Heh! You weren't much of anything!
**[21:27] ---**
Your puny magic
can't break through mine.
**[21:32] ---**
Got it!?
**[21:38] ---**
Hey hey, what's wrong now?
Where'd all that energy go?
**[21:44] ---**
You're gonna kill me, right?
**[21:46] ---**
Why don't you try a bit harder?
**[21:49] ---**
But it's no wonder!
**[21:51] ---**
Because even a moron can tell
the difference...
**[21:54] ---**
once they've seen the difference
in our skills!
***SIGN*** NEXT EPISODE MASH BURNEDEAD AND THE MAGIC OF IRON