E9 - Protagonists, Etc.

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    Though their circumstances
    sometimes draw envy,
[00:04] ---
    their fates lead them
    to an inescapable abyss
[00:09] ---
    that can only be understood
    by those in the centers of stories.
[00:10] ---
    "Chairperson"
[00:13] ---
    A darkness.
[00:15] ---
    "21st Protagonist Convention"
[00:16] ---
    "Now Beginning"
[00:22] ---
    "Protagonists, Etc."
[00:23] ---
    For the first discussion topic,
[00:25] ---
    I'd like Naoe... I mean,
    Comrade N to kick us off.
[00:27] ---
    I'd like to get your honest opinions:
[00:30] ---
    What do you think about girls
    with weird speech habits?
[00:32] ---
    Like, for example... "wafu."
[00:35] ---
    He went deep from the get-go!
[00:36] ---
    Is he testing us?!
[00:37] ---
    Still, this is a place
    for honest discussion.
[00:40] ---
    To be honest, I had no idea
    how to respond to "gao."
[00:43] ---
    When the first word out
    of her mouth was "anpan,"
[00:44] ---
    I seriously considered just leaving.
[00:46] ---
    She kept calling me "filthy"
    and "pervert" as she hit me!
[00:49] ---
    Isn't that awful?!
[00:51] ---
    "Uguu," "auu," "I don't like people
    who say things like that,"
[00:54] ---
    the one-second "okay,"
[00:55] ---
    "Morning! It's morning!
    Eat breakfast and go to school,"
[00:57] ---
    "honey bear," "ponpoko tanuki"...
[00:59] ---
    That's what I face every day.
[01:00] ---
    Wow, first protagonist...
    I mean, Comrade A.
[01:03] ---
    Isn't the bear and
    tanuki thing your own fault?
[01:04] ---
    Let's move on.
[01:05] ---
    Hypothetically, how would you judge
    an adult male traveling street performer
[01:09] ---
    getting intimate with a girl
    he meets in a foreign land?
[01:11] ---
    Guilty.
[01:11] ---
    "Guilty"
[01:13] ---
    Yeah, guilty.
[01:15] ---
    --Now how am I going to come out
    with the fact that I'm almost 30?
    --Next.
[01:19] ---
    Comrades, so, uh...
[01:21] ---
    How many "partners" have you had...?
[01:23] ---
    Just one.
[01:24] ---
    What about "After"?
[01:26] ---
    That version is separate,
    and there's only one there, too.
[01:28] ---
    I see.
[01:30] ---
    Um... Three.
[01:32] ---
    Guilty.
[01:36] ---
    Tennouji... I mean,
    Comrade T, what about you?
[01:39] ---
    In real terms, zero.
[01:40] ---
    Oh...
[01:41] ---
    Aizawa... I mean, Comrade A?
[01:43] ---
    Five.
[01:50] ---
    And also...
[01:52] ---
    He's on number six!
[01:53] ---
    He can't fit them on one hand?!
[01:55] ---
    The Little Busters are living in sin!
[01:57] ---
    Oh, right. At that time,
    Nishizono-san was Midori.
[02:01] ---
    Double digits?!
[02:02] ---
    He looks so innocent!
[02:04] ---
    Is this the new era we live in?
[02:05] ---
    I just happened to have
    a lot of girls around me.
[02:08] ---
    Maybe I can ask Kagari to make
    a branch world full of debauchery...!
[02:12] ---
    Shit! Should I have put the moves
    on Haruko and Hijiri, too?!
[02:15] ---
    If I play my cards right,
    I can get at least four more...
[02:17] ---
    You guys, calm down.
    One partner is enough.
[02:21] ---
    "Harem King"
[02:21] ---
    Silence, Harem King!
[02:22] ---
    It's a bit rude to show off how
    blasé you can afford to be about it.
[02:26] ---
    Next, Okazaki... I mean, Comrade O.
[02:29] ---
    Why do our romances
    have to end so cruelly?
[02:37] ---
    Please... forget about me.
[02:41] ---
    Goal!
[02:42] ---
    Could you let me rest... for a little bit?
[02:46] ---
    Those were some fond memories.
[02:48] ---
    I'm the one who loved you
    more than anyone!
[02:53] ---
    Huh?!
[02:54] ---
    That's a cruel romance...?
[02:57] ---
    Let's end here for today.
[02:59] ---
    You will be notified when
    the next meeting is scheduled.
[03:01] ---
    Right.
[03:03] ---
    
[03:05] ---
    
[03:21] ---
    "21st Protagonist Convention"
[03:22] ---
    "Now Over"
[03:56] ---
    "Illustration by Izumi Sakurazawa"