E13 - Before the Second Half Begins, Etc.

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    That's why we're going to destroy it all!
[00:03] ---
    We'll destroy this world,
    made by a stupid god!
[00:17] ---
    "Before the Second Half Begins, Etc."
[00:18] ---
    What's going on here?
[00:23] ---
    Right about now, you must be thinking,
[00:26] ---
    "Introducing new characters was
    the logical kickoff to the next plot arc,
[00:30] ---
    so why do that and
    then suddenly cut to this scene?"
[00:34] ---
    You all were invited here for one reason.
[00:38] ---
    That is...
[00:39] ---
    Gulp.
[00:40] ---
    Out of all the people in
    each of your original stories,
[00:42] ---
    you five appeared the most often
    in the first half of this series!
[00:45] ---
    What?!
[00:47] ---
    Wait, is that really our fault?
[00:49] ---
    Besides, whenever I appeared,
    terrible things happened to me!
[00:53] ---
    I feel bad for Naoe-san.
[00:55] ---
    I must take responsibility
    and take him as my wife.
[00:59] ---
    But why is Hijiri...
[01:00] ---
    ...with Sakura Kashima?
[01:02] ---
    Your youth torments you, Kotarou.
[01:05] ---
    This situation torments me
    more than anything.
[01:07] ---
    The world is not fair.
[01:09] ---
    Weak vs. strong. Rich vs. poor.
[01:13] ---
    Able to appear on the show vs. unable to.
[01:15] ---
    That took a sudden turn
    for the cheap, didn't it?!
[01:17] ---
    --And some poor souls appear,
    but leave without uttering a line...
    --Boo! Boo!
[01:22] ---
    But at least they got to show their faces!
[01:25] ---
    The most pitiable are those
    who just had opening narration lines,
[01:27] ---
    but never got to show their faces!
[01:29] ---
    In other words, us...
[01:30] ---
    ...the Four Heavenly Kings of Pitifulness!
[01:32] ---
    Do they know that makes no sense?
[01:34] ---
    Only a brave hero would tell them.
[01:37] ---
    You say "four,"
    but there are only two of you.
[01:39] ---
    The hero is here?!
[01:40] ---
    Yes. There are actually
    about three others...
[01:43] ---
    Tomoya...
[01:44] ---
    Misuzu...
[01:45] ---
    Kanna...
[01:46] ---
    They said seeing their kids live a
    happy life is more than enough for them.
[01:52] ---
    What a lovely story...
[01:54] ---
    So there are five "Four Heavenly Kings"?
[01:57] ---
    The hero strikes again?!
[01:58] ---
    But again, this has nothing
    to do with us, right?
[02:02] ---
    We resent you for getting so many scenes.
[02:04] ---
    We're venting our anger, yes.
[02:06] ---
    How do you call yourselves adults?!
[02:08] ---
    Wait, not to belabor
    an already silly point,
[02:12] ---
    Sizuru appeared most often out
    of the people in my story, not me.
[02:14] ---
    She appeared in 10 out of 12 episodes.
[02:17] ---
    She is beyond the reach of our jealousy.
[02:20] ---
    Yes, she is truly
    the most powerful guardian.
[02:23] ---
    Yay.
[02:24] ---
    And she extends her lead with that "Yay."
[02:26] ---
    She's invincible...
[02:28] ---
    So, we're going to have you all refrain
    from appearing any more times.
[02:32] ---
    It's simple. You just need to spend
    about three months in this special zone,
[02:35] ---
    created using the full power of Gaia.
[02:39] ---
    You shall witness the might of
    those at the pinnacle of pitifulness!
[02:43] ---
    What? You call that pitiful?
[02:47] ---
    Who's there?!
[02:48] ---
    I've been here since the beginning,
[02:51] ---
    but I suppose
    I'm just that easy to ignore.
[02:54] ---
    You're... Hiiragi-chan?!
[02:56] ---
    Nishizono is detecting "BL" vibes!
[02:59] ---
    No wonder they appear more
    often than Okazaki and Naoe.
[03:01] ---
    They're such useful comedic devices.
[03:04] ---
    Fourteen years.
[03:06] ---
    What?
[03:07] ---
    Fourteen years since
    the first anime came out.
[03:10] ---
    I really kept believing
    that one day, I'd be rewarded.
[03:14] ---
    People say, "I thought
    he was a girl! I feel betrayed,"
[03:15] ---
    "Sunohara: In a nutshell, I... well..."
[03:16] ---
    "Sunohara: I think I might
    be serious about that person."
[03:18] ---
    "Tomoya:
    Well, congratulations, I suppose."
[03:18] ---
    or "Heroine-stealer,"
[03:18] ---
    "Ryou & Kappei: Thank you."
[03:20] ---
    or "I only followed his route
    because I had to for the light orbs."
[03:25] ---
    And when I finally get
    to make an appearance,
[03:28] ---
    it's in a side-story that has
    no connection to the main plot.
[03:34] ---
    Funny, isn't it? Isn't it funny?
[03:36] ---
    It's okay, you can laugh.
[03:41] ---
    Our deepest apologies.
[03:43] ---
    The second half of the KAGINADO anime
    begins in earnest next episode.
[03:47] ---
    Do I make an appearance?
[03:50] ---
    
[03:52] ---
    
[03:53] ---
    "Illustration by Tsunako"
    "Yumemi Hoshino"