E16 - Yor's Kitchen - The Informant's Great Romance Plan

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:08] Loid
    Lately... Yor's been coming home late.
[00:13] Loid
    Neither of us dig deeply
    into the other's private life,
[00:17] Loid
    so I don't usually ask questions.
[00:24] Anya
    Papa, is it dinner time yet?
[00:27] Loid
    Once Yor gets home.
[00:30] Anya
    Bond, tell me what we're
    having for dinner tonight!
[00:39] Yor
    I'm home.
[00:43] Loid
    A gloomy, somber expression, and...
[00:46] Loid
    several cuts all over her hands.
[00:50] Anya
    Welcome home, Mama.
[00:52] Yor
    Why, thank you, Miss Anya.
[00:55] Loid
    Welcome home.
[00:57] Loid
    Should we start dinner?
[00:58] Yor
    Oh...
[01:00] Yor
    I'm not hungry, so you two
    can go ahead and eat.
[01:06] Loid
    All right...
[01:11] Loid
    Yor, are you...
[01:25] Anya
    Mama's going to cry? But why?
[01:39] Yor
    If I fail this, I...
[01:44] Yor
    I might lose those two.
[03:18] Worker A
    Great job today.
[03:20] Worker B
    You, too.
[03:21] Camilla
    Great job today.
[03:23] Millie
    Hey, Camilla. Do you wanna
    go out for some drinks?
[03:26] Camilla
    Er...
[03:29] Camilla
    Nah, I'm good.
[03:30] Sharon
    Wait, didn't you say you had a date today?
[03:33] Millie
    He canceled on me at the last minute.
[03:42] Employee
    Thank you!
[04:22] Camilla
    Are we really doing this again?
[04:32] Camilla
    Also...
[04:33] Camilla
    Are those tomatoes?!
[04:35] Camilla
    They're clearly crushed!
    What's wrong with you?!
[04:38] Dominic
    Hey, Yor. You're really serious about this.
[04:41] Yor
    Thank you for having me over.
[04:42] Camilla
    This is all your fault, by the way!
     If you hadn't said what you did...
SIGN    YOR'S KITCHEN
SIGN    3
    
    D
    A
    Y
    S
    
    A
    G
    O
[04:49] (Flashback) Camilla
    What?
[04:50] (Flashback) Camilla
    You want to learn how to cook?
[04:52] (Flashback) Yor
    Yes!
[04:54] (Flashback) Yor
    My husband was stuck in the
    bathroom for a whole day
[04:56] (Flashback) Yor
    because of the breakfast
    I made the other day!
[04:59] (Flashback) Millie
    Wow, that sucks.
[05:01] (Flashback) Yor
    At this rate, our marriage is in danger!
[05:03] Yor
    Meaning my work is in danger!
[05:05] (Flashback) Yor
    Would any of you kindly be able to teach me?
[05:09] (Flashback) Sharon
    Uh...
[05:10] (Flashback) Sharon
    Er... Our housekeeper makes our food.
[05:14] (Flashback) Camilla
    Go to a class or something.
[05:16] (Flashback) Millie
    I know how to open cans!
[05:18] (Flashback) Dominic
    Heya, what are you girls talking about?
[05:23] (Flashback) Dominic
    Oh, hey! She's a great cook.
[05:25] (Flashback) Camilla
    Hey!
[05:27] (Flashback) Yor
    P-Please, Camilla!
[05:30] (Flashback) Camilla
    No! Why should I?
[05:33] (Flashback) Dominic
    Oh, come on. Teach her.
[05:35] (Flashback) Dominic
    Alrighty, let's meet up at her place.
[05:38] (Flashback) Camilla
    Uh, hello?!
[05:44] Yor
    I look forward to learning
    even more from you today!
[05:47] Camilla
    This is literally the worst.
[05:49] Dominic
    Don't be like that.
[05:51] Camilla
    Just so you know, you get to
    taste all the food again!
[05:54] Camilla
    The responsibility's yours!
[05:55] Dominic
    Oh, about that... I actually invited
    someone over just for that.
[06:01] Yuri
    Yahoo! Hey, Sis!
[06:04] Yor
    Yuri!
[06:06] Yuri
    I was told that I'd be
    able to eat your cooking.
[06:09] Yor
    Um...
[06:11] Camilla
    So this is Yor's little brother?
[06:13] Camilla
    He seemed different in the pictur—
[06:16] Yuri
    Thank you for having me over, Camilla!
[06:17] Yuri
    And thank you for always
    looking after my sister!
[06:20] Camilla
    Uh-huh...
[06:21] Yuri
    So are you having a party of some sort today?
[06:26] Yuri
    What? A cooking class?
[06:28] Yor
    Don't tell Loid and Miss Anya.
    I want to secretly get better!
[06:33] Yuri
    Curses! She wants to cook for Loidy!
[06:36] Yuri
    Now I'm conflicted!
[06:38] Yor
    Today, I thought I'd try cooking minestrone.
[06:42] Camilla
    Seriously, why do you keep buying
    things you don't need for this?
[06:45] Camilla
    What are you even going to use this for?
[06:47] Yor
    I'm sorry. I thought using a variety
    of ingredients would make it better.
[06:53] Camilla
    Okay, first, peel your potatoes.
[06:56] Yor
    Of course!
[06:58] Camilla
    How does this happen when
     you're just peeling potatoes?!
[07:00] Camilla
    There's a whole sea of blood!
[07:02] Yor
    Th-This weapon is just so hard to use!
[07:05] Camilla
    The peeler is not a weapon!
[07:07] Yuri
    Sis, I brought you some bandages!
[07:09] Yor
    Oh, but I am handy with a knife!
[07:13] Camilla
    I keep telling you that
    you're cutting it too thin!
[07:16] Camilla
    Just cut it normally!
[07:17] Yuri
    You're amazing, Sis!
[07:21] Camilla
    Hello?! Why'd you cut through
    the cutting board, too?!
[07:24] Camilla
    That was one of my favorites!
[07:26] Yor
    I'm so sorry! I'll pay for it!
[07:28] Yuri
    You're amazing, Sis!
[07:31] Camilla
    Seriously, what is wrong with you?!
[07:33] Camilla
    How did you ever get married?!
[07:35] Camilla
    Leave!
[07:37] Yuri
    Who is this woman?
[07:39] Yuri
    She's being rude to my sister.
    Maybe I'll execute her.
[07:43] Camilla
    Yeah, Yor, you're hopeless. Just give it up.
[07:47] Camilla
    You might as well divorce that hottie.
[07:49] Yor
    Oh, no!
[07:51] Yuri
    Hey, that's a great idea.
[07:53] Yuri
    Yes, divorce him, Sis.
[08:02] Yor
    Please, Camilla!
[08:04] Yor
    If Loid divorces me, I'll... I'll...
[08:08] Yor
    I'll have to worry about
    getting arrested again!
[08:17] Camilla
    Hurry up and get your ingredients simmering.
[08:20] Camilla
    I'll show you how to season
    everything as we go along.
[08:23] Camilla
    Hurry up and make the thing
    so you can go home already.
[08:26] Dominic
    She's actually pretty nice.
    Just... a bit prickly.
[08:31] Yor
    Camilla has always been a good person.
[08:33] Camilla
    Hey!
[08:37] Yor
    Well, in any case... my first dish is complete.
[08:43] Dominic
    Hey, Yuri! You're up!
[08:45] Dominic
    Make sure it's not pois—
    I mean, that it's delicious!
[08:47] Yuri
    Really? I can?
[08:53] Yuri
    Down the hatch!
[08:55] Yuri
    Aah...
[08:57] Yuri
    It's so good!
[09:00] Yuri
    This is really great, Sis!
[09:02] Yuri
    Oh, this takes me back! It tastes
    just like your old cooking!
[09:04] Yor
    Oh, my.
[09:06] Camilla
    Uh... You're throwing up,
    though. So which is it?
[09:25] Camilla
    How could you possibly end up with that?
[09:28] Camilla
    Did you listen to a word I said?
[09:30] Yor
    I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
[09:31] Yuri
    Sis, is there any more?
[09:35] Camilla
    You weren't ready for minestrone yet.
[09:37] Camilla
    Let's try something easier, like meatballs.
[09:41] Yor
    Okay!
[09:45] Yuri
    Yum, yum, yum!
[09:46] Yuri
    It's so good that I'm sweating
    for unknown reasons!
[09:48] Yuri
    The more I savor each bite, the more
    I see my life flash before my eyes!
[09:53] Yuri
    Huh? Is that you over there, Mom?
[09:55] Dominic
    Yuri, stop! You need to stop for a sec!
[09:58] Camilla
    That's right. Yor and her brother
    grew up without their parents.
[10:03] Camilla
    I guess your sense of taste
    got so messed up because
[10:06] Camilla
    this train wreck was the
    only one eating your food.
[10:08] Yuri
    Train wreck?!
[10:09] Yor
    Shock.
[10:10] Yor
    I figured it'd be fine as long as he
    was getting all the right nutrients.
[10:14] Dominic
    Yuri... Thank goodness you grew up healthy.
[10:18] Camilla
    Do you happen to remember
[10:20] Camilla
    anything your parents made
    for you that was really good?
[10:24] Camilla
    Just curious.
[10:26] Yor
    Hmm... Do you remember anything, Yuri?
[10:30] Yuri
    Mom's cooking?
[10:32] Yuri
    Hmm... I only remember it vaguely,
[10:35] Yuri
    but didn't she make something
    like stew often?
[10:37] Yuri
    That was really warm and yummy.
[10:39] Yor
    Oh! The one that had the fried egg on top!
[10:43] Camilla
    Okay, let's try making that.
[10:46] Camilla
    Try really hard to remember the taste.
[10:49] Camilla
    It probably uses a simple southern stew base.
[10:53] Yuri
    Whoa!
[10:54] Camilla
    Once it comes to a boil, turn off the heat.
[10:56] Camilla
    I'm pretty sure it should
    have paprika powder in it.
[10:58] Yor
    Right!
[10:59] Camilla
    Make sure it doesn't burn.
[11:01] Camilla
    And use the right amount
    of salt and pepper.
[11:03] Yor
    Understood!
[11:12] Camilla
    You know, Yor, you seem different now.
[11:16] Camilla
    You seemed more robotic
    and boring before.
[11:21] Yor
    Huh? Wha? Really?
[11:25] Yor
    P-Perhaps it's because I got married.
[11:28] Camilla
    Huh?
[11:29] Camilla
    What're you humble bragging for?
[11:31] Camilla
    You just changed your makeup
    a little or something.
[11:34] Yor
    Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!
[11:36] Dominic
    Come on, now. You're a fine,
    lovely lady yourself, Camilla.
[11:40] Dominic
    You should be more confident.
[11:41] Camilla
    Hey!
[11:43] Dominic
    Anyway, this is the first time
    something's actually smelled good!
[11:46] Dominic
    I think this one might
    actually be a success!
[12:01] Camilla
    Hey, it's not bad.
[12:07] Yuri
    It's really good!
[12:08] Yuri
    But it also feels like something's missing.
[12:13] Camilla
    Where are you from, Yor?
[12:16] Yor
    Eastern Nielsberg.
[12:21] Camilla
    I think people in that region
    might add sour cream to it.
[12:50] Camilla
    I'm exhausted.
[12:56] Camilla
    What?
[12:58] Dominic
    Oh, I was just admiring how cute you are.
[13:04] Camilla
    Shut up.
[13:08] Loid
    Wait.
[13:11] Loid
    Okay!
[13:14] Loid
    Looks like he's naturally intelligent.
[13:16] Loid
    I'll start defense training
    with him immediately.
[13:21] Anya
    Papa, Anya can't wait any longer. Too hungry.
[13:26] Loid
    It is pretty late.
[13:28] Yor
    I'm sorry I'm so late.
[13:31] Loid
    Welcome home, Yor.
[13:37] Loid
    Hm? What's that?
[13:41] Yor
    Loid...
[13:46] Yor
    Tonight, I'll make dinner!
[13:49] Loid
    Shock!
[13:49] Anya
    Shock!
[13:52] Loid
    You were learning how to cook?
[13:54] Yor
    I'm sorry I kept it a secret.
[13:56] Loid
    So that's why...
[13:58] Loid
    This is southern stew?
[14:00] Yor
    Yes. My mother often made it for us.
[14:07] Yor
    It's finished! The fried egg
    isn't quite a fried egg, but...
[14:12] Yor
    Please enjoy!
[14:17] Loid
    It smells like... it's safe.
[14:19] Anya
    My last supper...
[14:27] Loid
    It's delicious!
[14:27] Anya
    It's yummy!
[14:30] Anya
    Anya likes this.
[14:31] Loid
    It has quite a soothing taste.
[14:44] Loid
    Huh? What's wrong, Yor?
[14:47] Yor
    I'm sorry. I just saw your faces, and I think...
[14:50] Yor
    I was just so relieved.
[14:55] Yor
    I thought I needed to protect this life
    so that I could continue killing.
[15:02] Yor
    But to think that having
    them acknowledge me...
[15:05] Yor
    having them smile...
[15:08] Yor
    would simply...
[15:10] Yor
    make me this happy.
[15:16] Yor
    I feel a little more confident now...
[15:18] Yor
    as the wife and mother
    of the Forger family!
[15:23] Loid
    I'll continue to count on you from now on.
[15:25] Yor
    Oh, right! I actually made one
    more dish, if you'd like to try it!
[15:31] Yor
    This is an original dish that I came up with.
[15:33] Anya
    I'll eat some!
[15:53] Loid
    Why'd you call me out here?
[16:00] Franky
    I fell in love with a girl.
[16:04] Loid
    I see. Good for you.
[16:06] Loid
    See ya.
[16:06] Franky
    Hold on! Hear me out, damn it!
SIGN    THE INFORMANT'S GREAT ROMANCE PLAN
[16:10] Loid
    What? Tell you how to have a successful date?
[16:14] Franky
    Well, you're a pro at this stuff, aren't you?
[16:18] Loid
    The secret is hard work. Bye.
[16:21] Franky
    Wait, you insensitive jerk!
[16:22] Franky
    Don't make me sell your
    info to the secret police!
[16:28] Franky
    No, no! I was just kidding!
[16:30] Franky
    Hey, I know! You said you wanted me to make
    you a new small recording device, didn't you?
[16:34] Franky
    I'll do that for you for free
    if you'll throw me a bone here!
[16:38] Franky
    Okay?
[16:41] Franky
    Her name is Monica McBride.
[16:44] Franky
    She works at a cigar club on Fifth Street.
[16:47] Franky
    She's 25 years old, and her
    birthday is September 20th.
[16:50] Franky
    Her blood type is O.
[16:52] Franky
    She's 162 centimeters tall,
    and she weighs 46 kilograms.
[16:56] Franky
    She currently lives with her
    mother and younger sister.
[16:59] Franky
    Her hobby is watching movies, and her
    favorite movie is Ber-Ber-Berlint.
[17:03] Franky
    Her childhood nickname is Moppea, and—
[17:07] Loid
    You're a stalker.
[17:08] Franky
    Don't judge me! You find out every
    last detail about people, too!
[17:12] Loid
    I do that for work.
[17:14] Franky
    You dumbass!
[17:15] Franky
    When you're really in love,
[17:17] Franky
    finding out everything you can about the
    other person is what makes you a man!
[17:21] Loid
    Well, if you've found
    out this much about her,
[17:24] Loid
    I'm sure you can figure the rest out, too.
[17:26] Franky
    You dumbass!
SIGN    They are whispering
[17:28] Franky
    You intelligence people have separate
    departments for data gathering,
[17:31] Franky
    assessing, and analyzing data!
[17:32] Franky
    I'm an expert at gathering!
[17:34] Loid
    Is it worth bragging about?
[17:37] Franky
    Please! I'm serious about this!
[17:39] Franky
    I don't even get cigars, but I'm smoking
    them every day just so I can see her!
[17:43] Franky
    Please show this pitiful scruff some mercy!
[17:51] Loid
    So I just need to analyze your potential
    date and come up with a plan, right?
[17:54] Franky
    Thank you so much, Lord Twilight!
[17:57] Franky
    You're my president!
[17:59] Loid
    Just shut up and wait a second.
[18:05] Loid
    Okay, done.
[18:08] Loid
    I created a conversational flow chart
    based on what kind of person she is.
[18:15] Loid
    First, you're going to ask her question one.
[18:18] Loid
    For example, about her favorite food. Yes.
SIGN    Favorite Food
[18:20] Loid
    From there, I wrote down her most
    probable answers, A, B, C, and D.
SIGN    A. Strawberries
SIGN    B. Nukazuke
SIGN    C. Tapioca
SIGN    D. Pizza
SIGN    Favorite Food
[18:25] Loid
    Then I added the best response
    you can give to each choice,
SIGN    Cute
SIGN    Cool
SIGN    Don't see that nowadays
SIGN    Goes great with beer
SIGN    Favorite Food
SIGN    A. Strawberries
SIGN    B. Nukazuke
SIGN    C. Tapioca
SIGN    D. Pizza
[18:29] Loid
    and then I added her possible responses—again,
    as A, B, C, and D—along with your next response.
SIGN    A. Thanks
    B. You think so?
    C. That's great
    D. What about you?
    A. You think so?
    B. It's so good
    C. Cool...
    D. What about you?
     A. Right?
    B. That's mean
    C. That's true
    D. What about you?
     A. I get you
    B. I don't drink beer
    C. Nah, not really
    D. What about you?
SIGN    Favorite Food
SIGN    A. Strawberries
    B. Nukazuke
    C. Tapioca
    D. Pizza
SIGN    Cute
    Cool
    Don't see that nowadays
    Goes great with beer
SIGN    Seriously cute
    Yes, you are cute
    Glad to hear it
    I like it, too
    Cute, though
    Right?
    It's awesome
    I like it, too
    I want some, though
    Just kidding
    We agree on a lot
    I like it, too
    Beer's so good
    You should try it
    Just kidding
    I like it, too
[18:36] Loid
    Just memorize this chart, go with the flow,
[18:40] Loid
    and choose your answers
    appropriately, and you're sure to—
[18:42] Franky
    How am I supposed to do that, you dumbass?!
[18:43] Franky
    That's tens of thousands of possibilities!
[18:45] Franky
    What the hell is "appropriate," anyway?!
[18:48] Franky
    I need an actual idiot-proof scenario!
[18:51] Loid
    If something like that existed,
    it wouldn't be difficult to be in intelligence.
[18:55] Loid
    Hmm...
[18:57] Loid
    I guess I could disguise myself and
    give you instructions from behind—
[19:00] Franky
    I don't want you to hear our conversation!
[19:02] Loid
    Then you're just going to have
    to practice having conversations.
[19:06] Franky
    Really? With you? Gross.
[19:10] Franky
    No, I'm just kidding! Please help me!
SIGN    He put on a disguise anyway
[19:32] Franky
    Okay, I think I might have a chance.
[19:35] Franky
    Tomorrow, I shall use the
    strategic art of conversation
[19:38] Franky
    in my attempt to make Monica fall for me!
[19:41] Franky
    Stand by to hear the report later.
[19:44] Loid
    I don't need to hear the report.
[19:47] Loid
    He looks like he's knocking on death's door.
    Is he gonna be able to handle this?
[19:56] Monica
    Welcome.
[19:59] Monica
    Ah, you came by again, Franky.
[20:04] Franky
    I-I-I look forward to, uh, um—
[20:11] Anya
    An ooting! An ooting!
[20:15] Anya
    Anya wants to go to an obstacle course today.
[20:18] Yor
    That sounds like fun.
[20:24] Anya
    Scruffy Head!
[20:26] Franky
    The Forgers.
[20:30] Anya
    Anya's going to an obstacle course!
[20:33] Franky
    Oh, that sounds like fun.
[20:35] Loid
    Hey, didn't you...
[20:37] Franky
    Oh, my date?
[20:40] Franky
    I managed to ask her out just fine,
[20:42] Franky
    but she went home because
    she forgot to turn off her gas.
[20:46] Franky
    She said she'd go to a
    movie with me another day.
[20:49] Franky
    Not bad, right?
[20:50] Franky
    Man, now I've got all this free time,
    so I guess I'll go get a drink.
[20:56] Franky
    What's your problem?!
[21:02] Franky
    Damn it! Why do they only ever
    care about your looks?!
[21:05] Franky
    She could've at least
    gone on one date with me!
[21:07] Franky
    She didn't have to turn me down so hard!
[21:09] Barkeep
    Sir...
[21:11] Franky
    Shut up! What the hell's your problem?
[21:12] Franky
    Come on! Get me another beer!
    The cheapest one you've got!
[21:16] Franky
    And I said I'd make that
    thing for free now.
[21:20] Franky
    I'm broke and have no girlfriend.
[21:25] Barkeep
    Here's a Macallan 18-year on the rocks, sir.
[21:29] Franky
    I didn't ask for this expensive-ass drink!
[21:31] Franky
    I just said I was broke.
[21:33] Barkeep
    It's from that customer over there.
[21:35] Franky
    Huh?
[21:39] Loid
    H-Hey, what a coincidence.
[21:42] Loid
    I felt like drinking, too.
[21:45] Franky
    Twi—Loid...
[21:51] Franky
    Hey... What happened to the obstacle course?
[21:54] Loid
    Yor's taking care of it.
[21:58] Franky
    What the hell? You here to laugh at me?
[22:02] Loid
    You always say so yourself...
[22:05] Loid
    People like us can't become
    emotionally attached to others.
[22:11] Loid
    Even if you did go out with her,
    it probably wouldn't work out.
[22:17] Franky
    Says the guy with a wife and kid.
[22:20] Loid
    They're just a part of my mission.
[22:22] Franky
    Damn it!
[22:23] Franky
    I'm gonna get drunk on your dime today!
[22:26] Loid
    I'll keep you company.
SIGN    CARRY OUT THE GRIFFIN PLAN
    FULLMETAL LADY
    OMELET RICE♥