5 - Beard-Cutter, to the Southern River

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Sign
    This show contains scenes that some viewers may
    find disturbing.​ Viewer discretion ​is ​advised.
SIGN    Beard-Cutter, to the Southern River
[00:16] Mailman
    Hey, pardon me, everyone!
    I'm here to deliver your mail!
[00:20] Random Man
    Wait, my property's been seized?!
    Give me a break!
[00:24] Woman A
    Because you bought equipment even
    when it put you in debt, you moron!
[00:25] Man B
    Ah, my little sister had a baby.
[00:28] Man B
    I'll have to go visit her
    once this next quest is over.
[00:31] Man C
    Wait, don't say that!
[00:32] Man C
    Guys who say stuff like that
    usually end up dying!
[00:45] High Elf Archer
    Well, guess it's time to get married.
[02:19] Priestess
    Married?!
[02:22] Lizardman Priest
    Oh?
[02:23] Goblin Slayer
    I see. To whom?
[02:24] High Elf Archer
    My cousin.
[02:25] High Elf Archer
    Talk about a surprise.
    He used to be such a square.
[02:29] Priestess
    Congratulations!
[02:31] Priestess
    Do elves hold weddings, as well?
[02:34] Priestess
    If possible...
[02:36] High Elf Archer
    Of course! It's for a member of
    the chieftain's family, after all!
[02:39] High Elf Archer
    It'll be a huge deal! You should totally come!
[02:41] Priestess
    Really?! I'm so happy!
[02:44] Dwarf Shaman
    I was afraid the elves would go extinct
[02:48] Dwarf Shaman
    knowing you're the daughter of the chieftain.
[02:52] Lizardman Priest
    But does this mean we are bidding
    farewell to you, Mistress Ranger?
[02:56] Lizardman Priest
    We will miss you indeed.
[02:59] High Elf Archer
    Huh? Why would you be bidding farewell to me?
[03:04] Priestess
    Do elven husbands usually let their wives
    continue to go out and do dangerous things?
[03:10] High Elf Archer
    Of course my cousin wouldn't allow that.
[03:13] High Elf Archer
    I mean, he's so clearly smitten,
    even though he's so serious and stubborn.
[03:18] High Elf Archer
    No, really, his head might
    as well be made of stone.
[03:21] Priestess
    Um...
[03:23] Goblin Slayer
    Who exactly is getting married?
[03:26] High Elf Archer
    My older sister.
[03:27] Dwarf Shaman
    Say that first, you anvil of a girl!
[03:30] High Elf Archer
    Hey! What's the big idea?!
[03:31] Dwarf Shaman
    Well, you're an anvil, so you
    can take a beatin' or two!
[03:34] High Elf Archer
    That's so mean! This is
    exactly why I hate dwarves!
[03:38] Priestess
    But in that case, we'd be imposing,
    so we should get some gifts ready.
[03:43] Goblin Slayer
    I see. I...
[03:45] Priestess
    Absolutely not! We were invited
    to a celebration, so we must go!
[03:50] Goblin Slayer
    True, but...
[03:52] Priestess
    Let's ask Guild Girl to have
    someone else take on all of the
[03:55] Priestess
    goblin-slaying quests for a while.
[04:00] Lizardman Priest
    It appears as though our Lady
    Priestess has grown quite tenacious.
[04:04] Priestess
    Well, Goblin Slayer did train me, after all!
[04:10] Guild Girl
    A wedding? That sounds lovely!
[04:13] High Elf Archer
    Right? I'm glad it wasn't too late for my sister.
[04:17] Guild Girl
    How old is she?
[04:19] High Elf Archer
    Let's see...
[04:23] High Elf Archer
    A bit over 8,000, I think?
[04:27] Guild Girl
    Sometimes, when I hear elves speak,
    it feels silly to worry about my own age.
[04:32] Priestess
    You're quite pretty,
    so I don't think you have to worry.
[04:37] Guild Girl
    Thank you for your kind words.
[04:39] High Elf Archer
    Exactly! It makes as little sense
[04:41] High Elf Archer
    as a mouse comparing its
    age to a dragon or an elephant.
[04:45] Goblin Slayer
    Elephant? What's that?
[04:46] High Elf Archer
    You've never heard of them?
[04:48] High Elf Archer
    They're legs like pillars,
[04:49] High Elf Archer
    a tail like a rope,
[04:51] High Elf Archer
    ears like fans,
[04:52] High Elf Archer
    a body like a wall,
[04:54] High Elf Archer
    tusks like spears,
[04:55] High Elf Archer
    a back like a throne,
[04:56] High Elf Archer
    and a nose like a vine, on one huge beast!
[04:58] Goblin Slayer
    A beast?
[04:59] High Elf Archer
    Oh, and they're gray.
[05:02] Goblin Slayer
    I have no idea what you're talking about.
[05:04] Guild Girl
    So that's why you wanted me to let others
    handle the goblin-slaying quests.
[05:09] Priestess
    Yes! I'd like to take
    Goblin Slayer to the wedding.
[05:13] Guild Girl
    Well, we shouldn't be letting
[05:15] Guild Girl
    Goblin Slayer handle all of
    those quests on his own, anyway.
[05:20] Priestess
    Is that all right, then?
[05:21] Guild Girl
    Yes. That's perfectly fine.
[05:23] Guild Girl
    He doesn't even take breaks
    if we're not careful.
[05:27] Guild Girl
    Ow!
[05:29] Inspector
    You're in the same boat, aren't you?
[05:31] Inspector
    When was the last time you
    took a proper vacation?
[05:33] Guild Girl
    W-Well, I am taking days off...
[05:36] Inspector
    Then you'll be going to
    the wedding, too, right?
[05:39] Inspector
    You came to invite her, didn't you?
[05:42] High Elf Archer
    Of course! You're my friend, after all!
[05:44] Guild Girl
    I appreciate the sentiment, but—ow!
[05:47] Inspector
    I just told you to take a vacation!
[05:49] Guild Girl
    Okay...
[05:52] Inspector
    We're both going to have to finish
    some of the work we have piled up.
[05:59] Inspector
    Could you go destroy two or three goblin
    nests so she can take her vacation in peace?
[06:06] Goblin Slayer
    Of course.
[06:35] Goblin Slayer
    That's 20.
[06:49] Goblin Slayer
    That's 23. That took a while.
[07:10] Priestess
    Not even God can do everything.
[07:15] Goblin Slayer
    We need a carriage or a cart.
[07:17] Goblin Slayer
    We'll leave tomorrow.
[07:19] Priestess
    Right.
[07:31] Lizardman Priest
    Once the dawn breaks,
    we can go somewhere calmer.
[07:35] Sister
    I'm terribly sorry... Truly.
[07:39] Lizardman Priest
    Nay. Though we pray to different gods,
    even monkeys were originally lizards.
[07:43] Lizardman Priest
    Therefore, we are brethren.
[07:47] Sister
    Lizardmen truly say such strange things.
[07:56] Dwarf Shaman
    Damn those goblins. They truly don't
    understand the value of things.
[08:03] Lizardman Priest
    Lately, it appears as though those
    goblins have grown more conniving.
[08:08] Goblin Slayer
    Agreed. I guess even they
    are getting smarter now.
[08:15] Lizardman Priest
    Was anything spared?
[08:18] Dwarf Shaman
    Hup.
[08:20] Dwarf Shaman
    Just the things those goblins
    didn't think were trash.
[08:23] Lizardman Priest
    The goblins may not be able to tell
    that from another slab of stone.
[08:31] Lizardman Priest
    Though I may not be much different
    if I cannot read it, either.
[08:35] Dwarf Shaman
    We're gonna have to get it properly
    looked at to know for sure...
[08:38] Dwarf Shaman
    But that'll have to be another time.
[08:46] High Elf Archer
    I couldn't find any footsteps
    suggesting that the goblins left.
[08:48] Goblin Slayer
    Are you sure?
[08:50] High Elf Archer
    I am.
[08:51] High Elf Archer
    So as long as nothing else targets us
    on the way back, we won't get attacked.
[09:00] Priestess
    O merciful Earth Mother, please, by your
    revered hand, cleanse us of our corruption.
[09:07] Priestess
    Purify!
[09:25] High Elf Archer
    This is great! I feel like I just had a bath.
[09:29] High Elf Archer
    Is this a new miracle you were granted?
[09:31] Priestess
    When I told the head priest that
    I had been promoted to steel,
[09:36] Priestess
    he conducted a ritual.
[09:38] High Elf Archer
    You really do like these low-key miracles.
[09:41] High Elf Archer
    I'm sure there must've
    been something flashier.
[09:43] Priestess
    I chose what we would probably need the most.
[09:46] Goblin Slayer
    That's a good miracle. It'll be useful.
[09:54] Cow Girl
    Yes, that's it. Come this way.
[10:08] Cow Girl
    Welcome home. Great job today.
[10:10] Goblin Slayer
    Thanks. I'm home.
[10:12] Cow Girl
    Looks like you're not hurt. That's good.
[10:16] Goblin Slayer
    Yeah.
[10:17] Cow Girl
    But you seem a bit tired.
    Did you have a rough time?
[10:21] Goblin Slayer
    No job is easy.
[10:23] Cow Girl
    True.
[10:24] Goblin Slayer
    That reminds me...
[10:27] Goblin Slayer
    There's apparently a wedding.
[10:29] Cow Girl
    A wedding? And you were invited?
[10:31] Goblin Slayer
    You know the elf in my party?
    It's her sister and cousin.
[10:36] Cow Girl
    I see.
[10:38] Goblin Slayer
    She asked me to invite you, as well.
[10:40] Cow Girl
    Are you sure?
[10:41] Goblin Slayer
    That's not up to me to decide.
[10:43] Cow Girl
    I wonder if I can...
[10:46] Goblin Slayer
    I'll talk to your uncle.
[10:48] Cow Girl
    Okay.
[10:50] Cow Girl
    Marriage, huh? Do you ever
    think about stuff like that?
[10:53] Goblin Slayer
    That's difficult to say.
[10:55] Cow Girl
    Well, what if, when we were little,
[10:57] Cow Girl
    you promised me that you'd
    marry me once we got older?
[11:02] Goblin Slayer
    I don't remember making that promise.
[11:05] Cow Girl
    Aw, I guess you figured me out.
[11:09] Cow Girl
    If only we had made that promise.
[11:23] Dwarf Shaman
    Good grief.
[11:24] Dwarf Shaman
    We've been gone a year and there hasn't
    been much change... or anything else, really.
[11:30] Dwarf Shaman
    They say having three women together
    is enough for them to never shut up,
[11:33] Dwarf Shaman
    yet we've got four, so we barely have any room.
[11:38] Lizardman Priest
    It's a lovely change.
[11:41] Lizardman Priest
    And one must not underestimate
    a woman's eye for detail.
[11:44] Lizardman Priest
    Isn't that right, Lady Priestess?
[11:46] Priestess
    It's really not that big a deal.
[11:49] Priestess
    We just packed it with straw and sawdust.
[11:52] Lizardman Priest
    Proper packaging is the most
    essential thing you can do.
[11:55] Lizardman Priest
    It would be a waste if that
    clay tablet were to break.
[12:00] Dwarf Shaman
    We were able to use the
    guild's carriage because
[12:03] Dwarf Shaman
    we said we'd haul that thing to the temple.
[12:06] Dwarf Shaman
    We're getting paid for it, so that'll work
    out perfectly for our trip's budget.
[12:26] Priestess
    I guess it has been a year.
[12:29] Goblin Slayer
    Yeah.
[12:30] Dwarf Shaman
    There we go.
[12:34] High Elf Archer
    You'd better work hard, dwarf.
[12:36] Dwarf Shaman
    Huh?
[12:37] High Elf Archer
    Well, I'm gonna go buy a gift for my sister!
[12:41] Dwarf Shaman
    Damn it! If a celebration weren't involved,
    I'd give your behind another whoopin'!
[12:46] Cow Girl
    Oh, I'll come with you. I rarely
    get to come to places like these.
[12:50] High Elf Archer
    Leave it to me! I've been to this
    city before, so I'll show you around.
[12:56] Dwarf Shaman
    After we get our lodgings and boat taken
    care of, why don't we head out, too?
[13:01] Lizardman Priest
    You can just consider us your luggage
    carriers. We have plenty of strength.
[13:08] Cow Girl
    I'm sorry to have to rely
    on all of you so often.
[13:11] Lizardman Priest
    'Tis no problem.
[13:13] Lizardman Priest
    This is just to thank you for the delicious
    cheese you bestow upon us regularly.
[13:17] Lizardman Priest
    Nothing to worry about.
[13:19] Guild Girl
    I'll join you all after I'm done
    filling out the paperwork.
[13:24] Guild Girl
    I'm sure we girls want to doll ourselves up.
[13:27] Guild Girl
    Will you be joining us, too?
[13:29] Priestess
    Huh?! Uh, I'm, uh...
    I wouldn't look very good!
[13:33] Cow Girl
    Oh, come on, now.
[13:36] Priestess
    P-Please take it easy on me...
[13:39] Guild Girl
    All right, everyone. I'm going to
    say hello to the guild in this city.
[13:45] Goblin Slayer
    I don't understand anything
    about gifts or clothes.
[13:50] Lizardman Priest
    Are you already unloading?
[13:51] Lizardman Priest
    You could probably wait until other
    matters are settled, could you not?
[13:54] Goblin Slayer
    If there's any chance that those
    goblins were after this clay tablet,
[13:58] Goblin Slayer
    we should quickly get it where it belongs.
[14:00] Lizardman Priest
    Then once our lodgings have been determined,
    we will send someone to the temple.
[14:06] Goblin Slayer
    Thanks.
[14:10] Acolyte
    The archbishop will be happy to see you.
[14:17] Goblin Slayer
    I guess I've met her before.
[14:19] Acolyte
    Yes. You were a great help to her
    the last time you were here.
[14:24] Goblin Slayer
    I only slayed some goblins.
[14:27] Goblin Slayer
    Has she been sleeping?
[14:29] Acolyte
    Yes, quite soundly.
[14:32] Acolyte
    She's been sleeping like
    a babe this past year.
[14:35] Acolyte
    She must be so relieved.
[14:38] Goblin Slayer
    I see. Good.
[14:52] Sword Maiden
    So you've come.
[14:55] Goblin Slayer
    You seem well.
[14:57] Sword Maiden
    Yes, all thanks to you.
[15:05] Sword Maiden
    We've caused you trouble with her, as well...
[15:08] Goblin Slayer
    Her?
[15:10] Sword Maiden
    On the snowy mountains...
[15:12] Goblin Slayer
    Ah. That was nothing. That's my job.
[15:18] Sword Maiden
    She is not yet completely back on her feet.
[15:21] Sword Maiden
    Her wounds are heavy, deep, and painful.
[15:26] Sword Maiden
    But she has taken the first step.
[15:29] Sword Maiden
    She is earnestly doing the best that she can.
[15:34] Goblin Slayer
    I see.
[15:36] Sword Maiden
    Any thoughts about me?
[15:39] Goblin Slayer
    I heard about you during my travels.
[15:41] Goblin Slayer
    I've brought something
    with ancient text on it.
[15:44] Sword Maiden
    Yes, so I've heard.
[15:55] Sword Maiden
    Yes, this is old.
    Quite ancient text, in fact.
[15:59] Sword Maiden
    The words may pertain to magic.
[16:02] Goblin Slayer
    Is there anything written
    about goblins there?
[16:04] Sword Maiden
    I'm afraid I cannot say.
[16:07] Sword Maiden
    I would have to read more.
[16:10] Goblin Slayer
    I see. Then I'm not interested.
    You can have that thing.
[16:14] Sword Maiden
    Are you leaving again so soon?
[16:16] Goblin Slayer
    I'm heading south.
[16:19] Sword Maiden
    This doesn't seem to concern goblins.
[16:23] Goblin Slayer
    One of my comrades... invited
    me somewhere. I couldn't refuse.
[16:28] Sword Maiden
    How nice of you...
[16:31] Sword Maiden
    You're so mean.
[16:36] Goblin Slayer
    There's no telling when or
    where goblins may appear.
[16:40] Sword Maiden
    Indeed.
[16:44] Sword Maiden
    If you're going by river, please be careful.
[16:48] Goblin Slayer
    Goblins?
[16:49] Sword Maiden
    We've gotten reports of many sunken ships.
[16:57] Sword Maiden
    Please stay safe.
[17:50] Priestess
    We ended up buying these as recommended...
[17:54] Priestess
    but are we actually going to wear them?
[17:56] Cow Girl
    I'm pretty sure this is too small for me.
[18:01] High Elf Archer
    Surprising, right?
    Humes think of the silliest things.
[18:05] High Elf Archer
    I thought they were pretty cool.
[18:07] Guild Girl
    Well, the capital is ahead in everything.
[18:10] Guild Girl
    It's only recently we started to expose our
    hands and feet and show a little more skin.
[18:14] Dwarf Shaman
    Here you go, Scaly.
[18:15] Lizardman Priest
    Why, thank you.
[18:22] Lizardman Priest
    Hmm, quite delicious,
[18:24] Lizardman Priest
    but it makes me long for that farm
    goodness to go along with it.
[18:28] Dwarf Shaman
    I see you've improved your tastes.
[18:31] Dwarf Shaman
    Now, let's see how Beard-cutter is doing.
[18:37] Dwarf Shaman
    I didn't think we'd end up taking a raft.
[18:42] Goblin Slayer
    We were able to rent this.
    Nothing else matters.
[18:48] Dwarf Shaman
    Spears?
[18:50] Goblin Slayer
    I'm not skilled enough to
    shoot arrows in the water.
[18:53] Goblin Slayer
    Even with throwing weapons,
    we won't be able to pick up any rocks.
[18:58] Goblin Slayer
    Yet we still need to be
    prepared. More than usual.
[19:01] Dwarf Shaman
    You're talking about the
    other ships that were sunk?
[19:03] Dwarf Shaman
    I heard about them, too,
    and that they weren't accidents.
[19:06] Goblin Slayer
    It might've been goblins.
    We're better off thinking that.
[19:10] Goblin Slayer
    For everything.
[19:12] Priestess
    Oh, is this that bank?
[19:14] High Elf Archer
    Yup, it sure is!
[19:17] High Elf Archer
    Though the last time I
    went by, we were walking.
[19:20] Guild Girl
    What are you two talking about?
[19:23] Priestess
    I wonder.
[19:25] High Elf Archer
    Indeed.
[19:27] Guild Girl
    Well, that just makes me sad.
[19:29] Guild Girl
    I always work my hardest for you,
    and you're keeping secrets from me.
[19:36] Cow Girl
    Um, I'd like to hear about this, too.
[19:38] Cow Girl
    I'd like to hear about all kinds
    of things outside of town.
[19:41] High Elf Archer
    Well, in that case...
[19:44] High Elf Archer
    This was actually before I met Orcbolg...
[19:56] Goblin Slayer
    Let's switch once that opens.
[19:57] Lizardman Priest
    Understood.
[20:37] Cow Girl
    Wow...
[20:38] High Elf Archer
    Up ahead is my homeland.
[20:41] High Elf Archer
    How do you like that? I bet you dwarves
    can't make anything like this.
[20:44] Dwarf Shaman
    Well, this is the work of the gods.
[20:47] Dwarf Shaman
    This is the perfection that we strive for...
[20:54] Dwarf Shaman
    But this wasn't the work
    of the elves, either.
[20:56] High Elf Archer
    Grr!
[20:57] Priestess
    This is amazing.
[20:59] Guild Girl
    I'd seen this in some of the
    documents we have at the guild,
[21:01] Guild Girl
    but it's quite astonishing to see in person!
[21:10] Goblin Slayer
    What do you think?
[21:11] Lizardman Priest
    Hmm... Be it from above or below...
[21:14] Lizardman Priest
    Since we're not on the ocean, we do not
    have to worry about kraken in the rivers.
[21:18] Goblin Slayer
    What's a kraken?
[21:22] Lizardman Priest
    They are most likely
    going to come from above.
[21:24] Goblin Slayer
    Probably.
[21:36] Goblin Slayer
    Wear these.
[21:37] Cow Girl
    Got it. Here.
[21:39] Guild Girl
    Thanks.
[21:47] Lizardman Priest
    I would wager they'll come from the cliffs.
[21:50] High Elf Archer
    Something's coming.
[21:52] High Elf Archer
    A lot of them.
SIGN    Next Time
SIGN    The Elven King's Forest