# 5 - Beard-Cutter, to the Southern River
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G6VDMN306/goblin-slayer)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Sign**
This show contains scenes that some viewers may
find disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.
***SIGN*** Beard-Cutter, to the Southern River
**[00:16] Mailman**
Hey, pardon me, everyone!
I'm here to deliver your mail!
**[00:20] Random Man**
Wait, my property's been seized?!
Give me a break!
**[00:24] Woman A**
Because you bought equipment even
when it put you in debt, you moron!
**[00:25] Man B**
Ah, my little sister had a baby.
**[00:28] Man B**
I'll have to go visit her
once this next quest is over.
**[00:31] Man C**
Wait, don't say that!
**[00:32] Man C**
Guys who say stuff like that
usually end up dying!
**[00:45] High Elf Archer**
Well, guess it's time to get married.
**[02:19] Priestess**
Married?!
**[02:22] Lizardman Priest**
Oh?
**[02:23] Goblin Slayer**
I see. To whom?
**[02:24] High Elf Archer**
My cousin.
**[02:25] High Elf Archer**
Talk about a surprise.
He used to be such a square.
**[02:29] Priestess**
Congratulations!
**[02:31] Priestess**
Do elves hold weddings, as well?
**[02:34] Priestess**
If possible...
**[02:36] High Elf Archer**
Of course! It's for a member of
the chieftain's family, after all!
**[02:39] High Elf Archer**
It'll be a huge deal! You should totally come!
**[02:41] Priestess**
Really?! I'm so happy!
**[02:44] Dwarf Shaman**
I was afraid the elves would go extinct
**[02:48] Dwarf Shaman**
knowing you're the daughter of the chieftain.
**[02:52] Lizardman Priest**
But does this mean we are bidding
farewell to you, Mistress Ranger?
**[02:56] Lizardman Priest**
We will miss you indeed.
**[02:59] High Elf Archer**
Huh? Why would you be bidding farewell to me?
**[03:04] Priestess**
Do elven husbands usually let their wives
continue to go out and do dangerous things?
**[03:10] High Elf Archer**
Of course my cousin wouldn't allow that.
**[03:13] High Elf Archer**
I mean, he's so clearly smitten,
even though he's so serious and stubborn.
**[03:18] High Elf Archer**
No, really, his head might
as well be made of stone.
**[03:21] Priestess**
Um...
**[03:23] Goblin Slayer**
Who exactly is getting married?
**[03:26] High Elf Archer**
My older sister.
**[03:27] Dwarf Shaman**
Say that first, you anvil of a girl!
**[03:30] High Elf Archer**
Hey! What's the big idea?!
**[03:31] Dwarf Shaman**
Well, you're an anvil, so you
can take a beatin' or two!
**[03:34] High Elf Archer**
That's so mean! This is
exactly why I hate dwarves!
**[03:38] Priestess**
But in that case, we'd be imposing,
so we should get some gifts ready.
**[03:43] Goblin Slayer**
I see. I...
**[03:45] Priestess**
Absolutely not! We were invited
to a celebration, so we must go!
**[03:50] Goblin Slayer**
True, but...
**[03:52] Priestess**
Let's ask Guild Girl to have
someone else take on all of the
**[03:55] Priestess**
goblin-slaying quests for a while.
**[04:00] Lizardman Priest**
It appears as though our Lady
Priestess has grown quite tenacious.
**[04:04] Priestess**
Well, Goblin Slayer did train me, after all!
**[04:10] Guild Girl**
A wedding? That sounds lovely!
**[04:13] High Elf Archer**
Right? I'm glad it wasn't too late for my sister.
**[04:17] Guild Girl**
How old is she?
**[04:19] High Elf Archer**
Let's see...
**[04:23] High Elf Archer**
A bit over 8,000, I think?
**[04:27] Guild Girl**
Sometimes, when I hear elves speak,
it feels silly to worry about my own age.
**[04:32] Priestess**
You're quite pretty,
so I don't think you have to worry.
**[04:37] Guild Girl**
Thank you for your kind words.
**[04:39] High Elf Archer**
Exactly! It makes as little sense
**[04:41] High Elf Archer**
as a mouse comparing its
age to a dragon or an elephant.
**[04:45] Goblin Slayer**
Elephant? What's that?
**[04:46] High Elf Archer**
You've never heard of them?
**[04:48] High Elf Archer**
They're legs like pillars,
**[04:49] High Elf Archer**
a tail like a rope,
**[04:51] High Elf Archer**
ears like fans,
**[04:52] High Elf Archer**
a body like a wall,
**[04:54] High Elf Archer**
tusks like spears,
**[04:55] High Elf Archer**
a back like a throne,
**[04:56] High Elf Archer**
and a nose like a vine, on one huge beast!
**[04:58] Goblin Slayer**
A beast?
**[04:59] High Elf Archer**
Oh, and they're gray.
**[05:02] Goblin Slayer**
I have no idea what you're talking about.
**[05:04] Guild Girl**
So that's why you wanted me to let others
handle the goblin-slaying quests.
**[05:09] Priestess**
Yes! I'd like to take
Goblin Slayer to the wedding.
**[05:13] Guild Girl**
Well, we shouldn't be letting
**[05:15] Guild Girl**
Goblin Slayer handle all of
those quests on his own, anyway.
**[05:20] Priestess**
Is that all right, then?
**[05:21] Guild Girl**
Yes. That's perfectly fine.
**[05:23] Guild Girl**
He doesn't even take breaks
if we're not careful.
**[05:27] Guild Girl**
Ow!
**[05:29] Inspector**
You're in the same boat, aren't you?
**[05:31] Inspector**
When was the last time you
took a proper vacation?
**[05:33] Guild Girl**
W-Well, I am taking days off...
**[05:36] Inspector**
Then you'll be going to
the wedding, too, right?
**[05:39] Inspector**
You came to invite her, didn't you?
**[05:42] High Elf Archer**
Of course! You're my friend, after all!
**[05:44] Guild Girl**
I appreciate the sentiment, but—ow!
**[05:47] Inspector**
I just told you to take a vacation!
**[05:49] Guild Girl**
Okay...
**[05:52] Inspector**
We're both going to have to finish
some of the work we have piled up.
**[05:59] Inspector**
Could you go destroy two or three goblin
nests so she can take her vacation in peace?
**[06:06] Goblin Slayer**
Of course.
**[06:35] Goblin Slayer**
That's 20.
**[06:49] Goblin Slayer**
That's 23. That took a while.
**[07:10] Priestess**
Not even God can do everything.
**[07:15] Goblin Slayer**
We need a carriage or a cart.
**[07:17] Goblin Slayer**
We'll leave tomorrow.
**[07:19] Priestess**
Right.
**[07:31] Lizardman Priest**
Once the dawn breaks,
we can go somewhere calmer.
**[07:35] Sister**
I'm terribly sorry... Truly.
**[07:39] Lizardman Priest**
Nay. Though we pray to different gods,
even monkeys were originally lizards.
**[07:43] Lizardman Priest**
Therefore, we are brethren.
**[07:47] Sister**
Lizardmen truly say such strange things.
**[07:56] Dwarf Shaman**
Damn those goblins. They truly don't
understand the value of things.
**[08:03] Lizardman Priest**
Lately, it appears as though those
goblins have grown more conniving.
**[08:08] Goblin Slayer**
Agreed. I guess even they
are getting smarter now.
**[08:15] Lizardman Priest**
Was anything spared?
**[08:18] Dwarf Shaman**
Hup.
**[08:20] Dwarf Shaman**
Just the things those goblins
didn't think were trash.
**[08:23] Lizardman Priest**
The goblins may not be able to tell
that from another slab of stone.
**[08:31] Lizardman Priest**
Though I may not be much different
if I cannot read it, either.
**[08:35] Dwarf Shaman**
We're gonna have to get it properly
looked at to know for sure...
**[08:38] Dwarf Shaman**
But that'll have to be another time.
**[08:46] High Elf Archer**
I couldn't find any footsteps
suggesting that the goblins left.
**[08:48] Goblin Slayer**
Are you sure?
**[08:50] High Elf Archer**
I am.
**[08:51] High Elf Archer**
So as long as nothing else targets us
on the way back, we won't get attacked.
**[09:00] Priestess**
O merciful Earth Mother, please, by your
revered hand, cleanse us of our corruption.
**[09:07] Priestess**
Purify!
**[09:25] High Elf Archer**
This is great! I feel like I just had a bath.
**[09:29] High Elf Archer**
Is this a new miracle you were granted?
**[09:31] Priestess**
When I told the head priest that
I had been promoted to steel,
**[09:36] Priestess**
he conducted a ritual.
**[09:38] High Elf Archer**
You really do like these low-key miracles.
**[09:41] High Elf Archer**
I'm sure there must've
been something flashier.
**[09:43] Priestess**
I chose what we would probably need the most.
**[09:46] Goblin Slayer**
That's a good miracle. It'll be useful.
**[09:54] Cow Girl**
Yes, that's it. Come this way.
**[10:08] Cow Girl**
Welcome home. Great job today.
**[10:10] Goblin Slayer**
Thanks. I'm home.
**[10:12] Cow Girl**
Looks like you're not hurt. That's good.
**[10:16] Goblin Slayer**
Yeah.
**[10:17] Cow Girl**
But you seem a bit tired.
Did you have a rough time?
**[10:21] Goblin Slayer**
No job is easy.
**[10:23] Cow Girl**
True.
**[10:24] Goblin Slayer**
That reminds me...
**[10:27] Goblin Slayer**
There's apparently a wedding.
**[10:29] Cow Girl**
A wedding? And you were invited?
**[10:31] Goblin Slayer**
You know the elf in my party?
It's her sister and cousin.
**[10:36] Cow Girl**
I see.
**[10:38] Goblin Slayer**
She asked me to invite you, as well.
**[10:40] Cow Girl**
Are you sure?
**[10:41] Goblin Slayer**
That's not up to me to decide.
**[10:43] Cow Girl**
I wonder if I can...
**[10:46] Goblin Slayer**
I'll talk to your uncle.
**[10:48] Cow Girl**
Okay.
**[10:50] Cow Girl**
Marriage, huh? Do you ever
think about stuff like that?
**[10:53] Goblin Slayer**
That's difficult to say.
**[10:55] Cow Girl**
Well, what if, when we were little,
**[10:57] Cow Girl**
you promised me that you'd
marry me once we got older?
**[11:02] Goblin Slayer**
I don't remember making that promise.
**[11:05] Cow Girl**
Aw, I guess you figured me out.
**[11:09] Cow Girl**
If only we had made that promise.
**[11:23] Dwarf Shaman**
Good grief.
**[11:24] Dwarf Shaman**
We've been gone a year and there hasn't
been much change... or anything else, really.
**[11:30] Dwarf Shaman**
They say having three women together
is enough for them to never shut up,
**[11:33] Dwarf Shaman**
yet we've got four, so we barely have any room.
**[11:38] Lizardman Priest**
It's a lovely change.
**[11:41] Lizardman Priest**
And one must not underestimate
a woman's eye for detail.
**[11:44] Lizardman Priest**
Isn't that right, Lady Priestess?
**[11:46] Priestess**
It's really not that big a deal.
**[11:49] Priestess**
We just packed it with straw and sawdust.
**[11:52] Lizardman Priest**
Proper packaging is the most
essential thing you can do.
**[11:55] Lizardman Priest**
It would be a waste if that
clay tablet were to break.
**[12:00] Dwarf Shaman**
We were able to use the
guild's carriage because
**[12:03] Dwarf Shaman**
we said we'd haul that thing to the temple.
**[12:06] Dwarf Shaman**
We're getting paid for it, so that'll work
out perfectly for our trip's budget.
**[12:26] Priestess**
I guess it has been a year.
**[12:29] Goblin Slayer**
Yeah.
**[12:30] Dwarf Shaman**
There we go.
**[12:34] High Elf Archer**
You'd better work hard, dwarf.
**[12:36] Dwarf Shaman**
Huh?
**[12:37] High Elf Archer**
Well, I'm gonna go buy a gift for my sister!
**[12:41] Dwarf Shaman**
Damn it! If a celebration weren't involved,
I'd give your behind another whoopin'!
**[12:46] Cow Girl**
Oh, I'll come with you. I rarely
get to come to places like these.
**[12:50] High Elf Archer**
Leave it to me! I've been to this
city before, so I'll show you around.
**[12:56] Dwarf Shaman**
After we get our lodgings and boat taken
care of, why don't we head out, too?
**[13:01] Lizardman Priest**
You can just consider us your luggage
carriers. We have plenty of strength.
**[13:08] Cow Girl**
I'm sorry to have to rely
on all of you so often.
**[13:11] Lizardman Priest**
'Tis no problem.
**[13:13] Lizardman Priest**
This is just to thank you for the delicious
cheese you bestow upon us regularly.
**[13:17] Lizardman Priest**
Nothing to worry about.
**[13:19] Guild Girl**
I'll join you all after I'm done
filling out the paperwork.
**[13:24] Guild Girl**
I'm sure we girls want to doll ourselves up.
**[13:27] Guild Girl**
Will you be joining us, too?
**[13:29] Priestess**
Huh?! Uh, I'm, uh...
I wouldn't look very good!
**[13:33] Cow Girl**
Oh, come on, now.
**[13:36] Priestess**
P-Please take it easy on me...
**[13:39] Guild Girl**
All right, everyone. I'm going to
say hello to the guild in this city.
**[13:45] Goblin Slayer**
I don't understand anything
about gifts or clothes.
**[13:50] Lizardman Priest**
Are you already unloading?
**[13:51] Lizardman Priest**
You could probably wait until other
matters are settled, could you not?
**[13:54] Goblin Slayer**
If there's any chance that those
goblins were after this clay tablet,
**[13:58] Goblin Slayer**
we should quickly get it where it belongs.
**[14:00] Lizardman Priest**
Then once our lodgings have been determined,
we will send someone to the temple.
**[14:06] Goblin Slayer**
Thanks.
**[14:10] Acolyte**
The archbishop will be happy to see you.
**[14:17] Goblin Slayer**
I guess I've met her before.
**[14:19] Acolyte**
Yes. You were a great help to her
the last time you were here.
**[14:24] Goblin Slayer**
I only slayed some goblins.
**[14:27] Goblin Slayer**
Has she been sleeping?
**[14:29] Acolyte**
Yes, quite soundly.
**[14:32] Acolyte**
She's been sleeping like
a babe this past year.
**[14:35] Acolyte**
She must be so relieved.
**[14:38] Goblin Slayer**
I see. Good.
**[14:52] Sword Maiden**
So you've come.
**[14:55] Goblin Slayer**
You seem well.
**[14:57] Sword Maiden**
Yes, all thanks to you.
**[15:05] Sword Maiden**
We've caused you trouble with her, as well...
**[15:08] Goblin Slayer**
Her?
**[15:10] Sword Maiden**
On the snowy mountains...
**[15:12] Goblin Slayer**
Ah. That was nothing. That's my job.
**[15:18] Sword Maiden**
She is not yet completely back on her feet.
**[15:21] Sword Maiden**
Her wounds are heavy, deep, and painful.
**[15:26] Sword Maiden**
But she has taken the first step.
**[15:29] Sword Maiden**
She is earnestly doing the best that she can.
**[15:34] Goblin Slayer**
I see.
**[15:36] Sword Maiden**
Any thoughts about me?
**[15:39] Goblin Slayer**
I heard about you during my travels.
**[15:41] Goblin Slayer**
I've brought something
with ancient text on it.
**[15:44] Sword Maiden**
Yes, so I've heard.
**[15:55] Sword Maiden**
Yes, this is old.
Quite ancient text, in fact.
**[15:59] Sword Maiden**
The words may pertain to magic.
**[16:02] Goblin Slayer**
Is there anything written
about goblins there?
**[16:04] Sword Maiden**
I'm afraid I cannot say.
**[16:07] Sword Maiden**
I would have to read more.
**[16:10] Goblin Slayer**
I see. Then I'm not interested.
You can have that thing.
**[16:14] Sword Maiden**
Are you leaving again so soon?
**[16:16] Goblin Slayer**
I'm heading south.
**[16:19] Sword Maiden**
This doesn't seem to concern goblins.
**[16:23] Goblin Slayer**
One of my comrades... invited
me somewhere. I couldn't refuse.
**[16:28] Sword Maiden**
How nice of you...
**[16:31] Sword Maiden**
You're so mean.
**[16:36] Goblin Slayer**
There's no telling when or
where goblins may appear.
**[16:40] Sword Maiden**
Indeed.
**[16:44] Sword Maiden**
If you're going by river, please be careful.
**[16:48] Goblin Slayer**
Goblins?
**[16:49] Sword Maiden**
We've gotten reports of many sunken ships.
**[16:57] Sword Maiden**
Please stay safe.
**[17:50] Priestess**
We ended up buying these as recommended...
**[17:54] Priestess**
but are we actually going to wear them?
**[17:56] Cow Girl**
I'm pretty sure this is too small for me.
**[18:01] High Elf Archer**
Surprising, right?
Humes think of the silliest things.
**[18:05] High Elf Archer**
I thought they were pretty cool.
**[18:07] Guild Girl**
Well, the capital is ahead in everything.
**[18:10] Guild Girl**
It's only recently we started to expose our
hands and feet and show a little more skin.
**[18:14] Dwarf Shaman**
Here you go, Scaly.
**[18:15] Lizardman Priest**
Why, thank you.
**[18:22] Lizardman Priest**
Hmm, quite delicious,
**[18:24] Lizardman Priest**
but it makes me long for that farm
goodness to go along with it.
**[18:28] Dwarf Shaman**
I see you've improved your tastes.
**[18:31] Dwarf Shaman**
Now, let's see how Beard-cutter is doing.
**[18:37] Dwarf Shaman**
I didn't think we'd end up taking a raft.
**[18:42] Goblin Slayer**
We were able to rent this.
Nothing else matters.
**[18:48] Dwarf Shaman**
Spears?
**[18:50] Goblin Slayer**
I'm not skilled enough to
shoot arrows in the water.
**[18:53] Goblin Slayer**
Even with throwing weapons,
we won't be able to pick up any rocks.
**[18:58] Goblin Slayer**
Yet we still need to be
prepared. More than usual.
**[19:01] Dwarf Shaman**
You're talking about the
other ships that were sunk?
**[19:03] Dwarf Shaman**
I heard about them, too,
and that they weren't accidents.
**[19:06] Goblin Slayer**
It might've been goblins.
We're better off thinking that.
**[19:10] Goblin Slayer**
For everything.
**[19:12] Priestess**
Oh, is this that bank?
**[19:14] High Elf Archer**
Yup, it sure is!
**[19:17] High Elf Archer**
Though the last time I
went by, we were walking.
**[19:20] Guild Girl**
What are you two talking about?
**[19:23] Priestess**
I wonder.
**[19:25] High Elf Archer**
Indeed.
**[19:27] Guild Girl**
Well, that just makes me sad.
**[19:29] Guild Girl**
I always work my hardest for you,
and you're keeping secrets from me.
**[19:36] Cow Girl**
Um, I'd like to hear about this, too.
**[19:38] Cow Girl**
I'd like to hear about all kinds
of things outside of town.
**[19:41] High Elf Archer**
Well, in that case...
**[19:44] High Elf Archer**
This was actually before I met Orcbolg...
**[19:56] Goblin Slayer**
Let's switch once that opens.
**[19:57] Lizardman Priest**
Understood.
**[20:37] Cow Girl**
Wow...
**[20:38] High Elf Archer**
Up ahead is my homeland.
**[20:41] High Elf Archer**
How do you like that? I bet you dwarves
can't make anything like this.
**[20:44] Dwarf Shaman**
Well, this is the work of the gods.
**[20:47] Dwarf Shaman**
This is the perfection that we strive for...
**[20:54] Dwarf Shaman**
But this wasn't the work
of the elves, either.
**[20:56] High Elf Archer**
Grr!
**[20:57] Priestess**
This is amazing.
**[20:59] Guild Girl**
I'd seen this in some of the
documents we have at the guild,
**[21:01] Guild Girl**
but it's quite astonishing to see in person!
**[21:10] Goblin Slayer**
What do you think?
**[21:11] Lizardman Priest**
Hmm... Be it from above or below...
**[21:14] Lizardman Priest**
Since we're not on the ocean, we do not
have to worry about kraken in the rivers.
**[21:18] Goblin Slayer**
What's a kraken?
**[21:22] Lizardman Priest**
They are most likely
going to come from above.
**[21:24] Goblin Slayer**
Probably.
**[21:36] Goblin Slayer**
Wear these.
**[21:37] Cow Girl**
Got it. Here.
**[21:39] Guild Girl**
Thanks.
**[21:47] Lizardman Priest**
I would wager they'll come from the cliffs.
**[21:50] High Elf Archer**
Something's coming.
**[21:52] High Elf Archer**
A lot of them.
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** The Elven King's Forest