1 - Quite the Crappy Kyoto Quagmire

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Futaro
    I was having a dream...
[00:06] (Flashback) Rena
    There! Look!
[00:08] (Flashback) Rena
    We were just there! Kyoto Station!
[00:10] (Flashback) Futaro
    Whoa, seriously?
[00:15] Futaro
    A dream about the day we first met.
SIGN    The Quintessential Quintuplets ∫∫
SIGN    Quite the Crappy Kyoto Quagmire
SIGN    Ouite the Crappy Kyoto Quagmire
SIGN    Quite the Crappy Kyoto Quagmire
[02:10] Futaro
    School camp was one disaster after another.
[02:13] Futaro
    And then my mild cold
    turned into a full-blown flu.
[02:16] Futaro
    It all ended with me going
    straight to the hospital.
[02:27] Futaro
    And I get the feeling...
[02:31] ---
    they came to pay me a visit back then.
[02:39] Futaro
    Nah, no way.
[02:45] Futaro
    Nino.
[02:47] Nino
    There's no one else here, is there?
[02:49] Futaro
    Wh-What? This is my room.
[02:52] Nino
    What do you care?
[02:53] Nino
    Who do you think is paying for it?
[02:57] Futaro
    It didn't have to be such
    a fancy single bed room.
[03:02] Futaro
    The nurses are gossiping about how
    I may be the hospital director's bastard son.
[03:08] Nino
    What did you expect?
[03:10] Nino
    The girls thought you were going to die.
[03:14] Futaro
    Your father was the one who paid for
    my hospital expenses, too, wasn't he?
[03:18] Nino
    That's right.
[03:19] Nino
    Which basically means we paid for them.
[03:22] Futaro
    Yikes. I didn't think anyone
    could be such a brat.
[03:26] Futaro
    I never thought you, of all people,
    would be the one to come visit me, though.
[03:33] Nino
    I guess...
[03:34] Nino
    Shoot, I have to get going!
[03:38] Nino
    Don't you dare tell anyone
    about this, all right?
[03:43] Yotsuba
    Uesugi-san, have you seen Nino here?
[03:47] Futaro
    Yotsuba.
[03:49] Ichika
    Hey.
[03:50] Ichika
    I haven't seen you since school camp.
[03:52] Miku
    How are you feeling?
[03:54] Futaro
    And the rest of you.
[03:56] Yotsuba
    Thank goodness.
[03:57] Yotsuba
    I'm glad you're alive, at least.
[04:00] Futaro
    Jeez.
[04:01] Futaro
    Who ever asked you to come?
[04:05] Yotsuba
    I definitely smell Nino.
[04:08] Yotsuba
    Sniff, sniff...
[04:08] Futaro
    Is her BO that bad?
[04:11] Futaro
    Poor girl...
[04:13] Nino
    It's my perfume!
[04:15] Ichika
    We weren't sure you were going
    to make it, at one point.
[04:18] Ichika
    Your temperature was as high as
    a record-breaking summer day.
[04:23] Miku
    I'm glad you're better.
[04:26] Miku
    You can call if you ever get lonely.
[04:28] Miku
    We'll come take care of you.
[04:30] Futaro
    Thanks.
[04:31] Futaro
    But I prefer being by myself.
[04:33] Futaro
    Ow!
[04:34] Ichika
    Futaro-kun, that wasn't good.
[04:37] Ichika
    Also, here.
[04:38] Ichika
    Handouts from class while you were sick.
[04:40] Ichika
    Good thing I finally got them to you.
[04:46] Futaro
    So you're going to school, huh?
[04:49] Ichika
    Yeah.
[04:52] (Flashback) Ichika
    I might quit school.
[04:57] Futaro
    You were never that committed, were you?
[05:00] Ichika
    Come on, you're so mean.
[05:05] Ichika
    I thought school was boring...
[05:08] Ichika
    That I wouldn't have any problem quitting.
[05:11] Ichika
    But I'm going to stay a little longer.
[05:14] Ichika
    There's something I can't leave behind now.
[05:18] Ichika
    You're aloof, insensitive, and mean.
[05:22] Ichika
    So why...
[05:26] ---
    does it have to be you?
[05:31] Miku
    Was there something you didn't like?
[05:34] Futaro
    Huh?
[05:35] Miku
    I would've cooked for you
    if you'd asked me.
[05:39] Futaro
    No, I just don't really have an appetite.
[05:41] Miku
    Oh.
[05:44] Miku
    Say "ahh."
[05:47] Futaro
    Hey.
[05:50] Ichika
    You'd better eat.
[05:53] Futaro
    What is this?
[05:57] Yotsuba
    Hey!
[05:58] Yotsuba
    I found Nino!
[05:59] Nino
    What are you, a dog?!
[06:00] Yotsuba
    Come on. Let's go.
[06:01] Yotsuba
    L-Let me go!
[06:04] Ichika
    Well, we'd better be going.
[06:07] Miku
    I hope you get better soon.
[06:13] Futaro
    Huh?
[06:15] Futaro
    What happened?
[06:16] Futaro
    I feel a little better.
SIGN    Examination Room
[06:20] Doc
    You're being discharged tomorrow,
    aren't you, Uesugi-kun?
[06:24] Futaro
    Yes.
[06:26] Doc
    Are you worried about your studies?
[06:28] Futaro
    Well...
[06:30] Futaro
    I'm doing fine,
[06:32] ---
    but there are some idiots
    that I have to teach.
[06:38] Doc
    I see.
[06:40] Doc
    That concludes your examination.
[06:42] Nino
    S-Stop shoving!
[06:44] Miku
    Silence in the hospital, Nino.
[06:47] Nino
    I can't help it!
[06:48] Nino
    I was scared!
[06:50] Futaro
    Those girls...
[06:52] Futaro
    I guess I should thank them
    for coming to visit.
[06:56] Ichika
    You're never going to get your ears
    pierced if you're afraid of needles.
[07:01] Futaro
    Needles?
[07:03] Yotsuba
    Uesugi-san.
[07:04] Futaro
    What are you guys actually here for?
[07:07] Ichika
    What for?
[07:09] Ichika
    Vaccinations.
[07:11] Ichika
    We always get vaccinated
    around this time every year.
[07:14] Miku
    But Itsuki and Nino keep running away.
[07:17] Itsuki
    I hate pain.
[07:18] Yotsuba
    I'm glad we got to see Uesugi-san
    while we were at it, though.
[07:23] Futaro
    You what...
[07:25] Futaro
    Damn you all! You're going to get it!
[07:28] Orderly A
    You!
[07:28] Orderly A
    No shouting in the hospital!
[07:31] Orderly A
    You're sick! Stay put!
[07:36] Doc
    Uesugi-kun...
[07:38] Doc
    I expect great things from you.
[07:43] Futaro
    I feel like I've seen that man somewhere.
[07:51] Futaro
    It was a long time ago.
[07:55] Futaro
    But it's a scene that's
    etched firmly in my mind.
[08:02] Futaro
    Right, that was...
[08:04] (Flashback) Rena
    Uesugi Futaro-kun.
[08:07] (Flashback) Rena
    Bye-bye.
[08:10] Futaro
    Why?
[08:11] Futaro
    Why did I remember that?
[08:23] Futaro
    Oh, it's just you, Itsuki.
[08:25] Futaro
    Don't scare me like that.
[08:26] Itsuki
    Th-That's for me to say.
[08:29] Futaro
    Yotsuba and the others
    have been looking for you.
[08:32] Itsuki
    I don't know what you're talking about.
[08:34] Itsuki
    I'm here to ask you a question.
[08:38] Itsuki
    Tell me: why do you study?
[08:44] Futaro
    Because that's my job as a student.
[08:46] Futaro
    That is all.
[08:51] Futaro
    What are you doing?
[08:53] Itsuki
    I'm going to keep staring at you
    until you tell me the truth.
[08:56] Futaro
    Fine.
[08:57] Futaro
    Want me to keep staring
    at you until you give up?
[09:01] Itsuki
    F-Fine.
[09:02] Itsuki
    We'll see who surrenders first.
[09:05] Nurse A
    Love that PDA.
[09:07] Nurse B
    So cute.
[09:10] Itsuki
    I'm not leaving until you tell me.
[09:13] Futaro
    Give me a break.
[09:19] (Flashback) Futaro
    Yes! I win!
[09:23] (Flashback) Futaro
    That means you're getting the dare.
[09:26] (Flashback) Kid A
    P-Please, anything but that!
SIGN    Next Stop: Kyoto
[09:29] (Flashback) Kid A
    I haven't been able to
    eat fish since last time!
[09:32] (Flashback) Futaro
    I don't know...
[09:34] (Flashback) Takebayashi
    Hey! Futaro!
[09:35] (Flashback) Takebayashi
    We're in the train. Be quiet.
[09:39] (Flashback) Futaro
    Come on, Takebayashi!
[09:40] (Flashback) Futaro
    We're on a school trip!
    Stop being a goody-two-shoes and join us!
[09:46] (Flashback) Takebayashi
    Oh, fine, I will.
[09:48] (Flashback) Takebayashi
    You should invite Sanada-kun, too, though.
[09:51] (Flashback) Takebayashi
    It's the five of us in this group.
[09:53] (Flashback) Sanada
    I'll pass.
[09:55] (Flashback) Futaro
    Dude...
[09:57] (Flashback) Futaro
    Arithmetic drills?
[09:58] (Flashback) Futaro
    What are you, stupid?
[10:01] (Flashback) Futaro
    Throw out all your useless junk!
[10:03] (Flashback) Futaro
    For me, this is the only thing that matters.
[10:05] (Flashback) B
    Wow, that's awesome.
[10:07] (Flashback) A
    That's so cool.
[10:09] (Flashback) Futaro
    I swiped it from my dad's work stuff.
[10:12] (Flashback) Futaro
    Well, Takebayashi?
[10:13] (Flashback) Futaro
    Do you want to take...
[10:16] (Flashback) Takebayashi
    Are you all right?
[10:17] (Flashback) B
    Those two have known each
    other since they were little.
[10:21] (Flashback) B
    They live nearby, and their
    parents are close, too.
[10:24] (Flashback) B
    Their families have gone
    on trips together, even.
[10:27] (Flashback) B
    And they're both class reps.
    They look good together, huh?
[10:32] (Flashback) Takebayashi
    Let's go, Futaro. Stop taking pictures.
[10:34] (Flashback) Futaro
    R-Right.
[10:40] (Flashback) Futaro
    Ow, ow, ow!
[10:42] (Flashback) Takebayashi
    What's wrong?
[10:44] (Flashback) Futaro
    My stomach started hurting all of a sudden.
[10:46] (Flashback) Futaro
    Damn gut... Got me good.
[10:49] (Flashback) Futaro
    I need to hit the bathroom.
[10:50] (Flashback) Futaro
    I'll catch up later.
[10:53] (Flashback) Futaro
    Throw out all your useless junk!
[11:02] (Flashback) Futaro
    That's me.
[11:08] (Flashback) Lady A
    Hey!
[11:11] (Flashback) Lady A
    You took a picture of me
    just now, didn't you?
[11:14] (Flashback) Futaro
    Huh? What do you want, lady?
[11:16] (Flashback) Lady A
    You took a sneak photo!
[11:18] (Flashback) Lady A
    He took a sneak photo!
[11:19] (Flashback) Futaro
    I-I never did!
[11:23] (Flashback) Cop A
    What's the matter?
[11:26] (Flashback) Lady A
    This kid fell for my beauty!
    He took sneak pictures of me!
[11:29] (Flashback) Lady A
    Arrest him! Arrest him!
[11:31] (Flashback) Futaro
    Did not!
[11:32] (Flashback) Cop A
    There, there, calm down.
[11:34] (Flashback) Cop B
    All right.
[11:35] (Flashback) Cop B
    Let's check his camera, then.
[11:38] (Flashback) Cop B
    I'm sorry, would you mind showing it to me?
[11:40] (Flashback) Futaro
    Sure.
[11:50] (Flashback) Cop B
    What's wrong?
[11:51] (Flashback) Futaro
    No, I... um...
[11:55] (Flashback) Rena
    He's innocent.
[11:57] (Flashback) Rena
    I saw what happened.
[12:08] TV
    This is an emergency!
[12:09] TV
    An unidentified flying object
    has emerged over Japan!
[12:13] King
    We come from the planet of Shogi.
[12:15] King
    The most capable player in Japan shall
    play me for the fate of planet Earth.
[12:21] Futaro
    And that's how my school trip ended.
[12:25] Itsuki
    What was that?!
[12:27] Itsuki
    That's the part I wanted to hear about!
    And you ended it so abruptly!
[12:30] Itsuki
    What happens to Earth?!
[12:33] Futaro
    I never said I'd tell you.
[12:35] Futaro
    I don't want to.
[12:38] Futaro
    The only reason I did what you asked
[12:42] Futaro
    was to thank you for coming the other day.
[12:45] Itsuki
    You didn't sound that grateful.
[12:48] Itsuki
    But I can see that you've changed
    a great deal since then.
[12:54] Itsuki
    That meeting that girl changed you.
[13:00] (Flashback) Rena
    Whoa, lucky charms!
[13:03] (Flashback) Rena
    Let's buy some!
[13:04] (Flashback) Futaro
    Why are you following me?
[13:06] (Flashback) Futaro
    Go away!
[13:09] Itsuki
    Do you think I can change, too?
[13:13] Itsuki
    I'd like you to help me change, if you could.
[13:20] (Flashback) Rena
    You're looking for someone, right?
[13:22] (Flashback) Rena
    Me, too.
[13:23] (Flashback) Futaro
    I can find them myself.
[13:25] (Flashback) Futaro
    Go ask someone else.
[13:27] (Flashback) Rena
    It can't be anyone else.
[13:28] (Flashback) Rena
    We're both alone and lonely.
[13:31] (Flashback) Rena
    We have to stick together.
[13:33] (Flashback) Rena
    I need...
[13:35] Itsuki
    We need you.
[13:39] (Flashback) Rena
    I need you.
[13:42] (Flashback) Rena
    Hey, let's have our picture taken.
[13:44] (Flashback) Futaro
    Dude, I never said you could touch it!
[13:48] Itsuki
    Don't look at me.
[13:53] Futaro
    Is there any use in having me teach you?
[13:56] Futaro
    Your average test score is a 29.6.
[13:58] Itsuki
    We'll make it work.
[14:00] Itsuki
    We'll do everything we can.
[14:02] Itsuki
    Look at this!
[14:03] Itsuki
    I dug up my old lucky charm.
[14:06] Futaro
    You're resorting to prayer?
[14:08] Futaro
    Oh, yeah, that girl bought similar ones, too.
[14:15] Futaro
    A ton of them.
[14:17] Futaro
    Five of them.
[14:20] Futaro
    Wait, where did you buy those?
[14:22] Itsuki
    These?
[14:24] Itsuki
    I don't remember if I bought them
    or if someone gave them to me.
[14:27] Itsuki
    I think they're from Kyoto, five years ago.
[14:33] Futaro
    Does that mean...
[14:34] Yotsuba
    Itsuki!
[14:35] Yotsuba
    There you are.
[14:38] Itsuki
    We went looking all over for you.
[14:41] Miku
    Let's go, now that the
    five of us are all here.
[14:45] Nino
    Itsuki, I'm going to do it!
[14:48] Nino
    And you're going down with me!
[14:50] Itsuki
    Hold on!
[14:57] Futaro
    Five years ago...
[14:59] Futaro
    In Kyoto...
[15:02] Futaro
    It has to be a coincidence, right?
[15:11] Itsuki
    You just got out of the hospital.
    What do you want?
[15:16] Ichika
    What's up?
[15:18] Miku
    Why did you want us all to
    wear our hair the same way?
[15:23] Futaro
    Itsuki! Miku! Yotsuba! Nino! Ichika!
[15:25] Nino
    Nino! Miku! Itsuki! Yotsuba! Ichika!
[15:29] Miku
    You aren't tutoring us today?
[15:31] Futaro
    What? You seem pretty enthusiastic, Nino.
[15:36] Nino
    I'm Nino.
[15:38] Futaro
    So there you have it.
[15:39] Futaro
    Without any hints, I don't know who's who.
[15:43] Futaro
    You're like one of those recent idol groups!
[15:45] Ichika
    I think that's just because
    you're disinterested.
[15:48] Futaro
    In any case!
[15:52] Futaro
    This happened just ten minutes ago.
[15:59] (Flashback) Futaro
    Thanks for having me.
[16:02] (Flashback) Futaro
    Not again...
[16:07] (Flashback) Ichika
    Pervert!
[16:08] (Flashback) Futaro
    But I pushed the doorbell!
[16:14] (Flashback) Futaro
    I-Isn't this...
[16:17] Yotsuba
    A zero in every subject.
[16:19] Futaro
    And she went to the trouble of
    tearing her name off every sheet.
[16:23] Futaro
    I couldn't tell who it was because
    she was in a bath towel,
[16:25] ---
    but the culprit is among us.
[16:27] Futaro
    Yotsuba, fess up.
[16:29] Yotsuba
    You're just going to assume it was me?!
[16:31] Miku
    So that's why you had us all
    do our hair the same way.
[16:34] Futaro
    How do you tell each other
    apart just by your faces?
[16:38] Nino
    Huh?
[16:39] Miku
    How?
[16:40] Nino
    Who else but Miku has such a bland face?
[16:42] Miku
    No one else but Nino has
    such an annoying face.
[16:46] Miku
    What do you mean, "bland"?
[16:47] Miku
    And what do you mean by "annoying"?
[16:49] Miku
    By "annoying," I mean annoying.
[16:49] Yotsuba
    Uesugi-san, let me tell you something useful.
[16:50] Miku
    You're bland because you're bland!
[16:54] Yotsuba
    Our mother taught us how to
    tell each other apart a long time ago.
[16:58] Yotsuba
    Love will show you the way!
[17:02] Futaro
    No wonder I couldn't tell.
[17:04] Ichika
    Can we let our hair down now?
[17:06] Ichika
    Why are you so serious today?
[17:14] Futaro
    I smell shampoo...
[17:18] Nino
    That's kind of creepy.
[17:21] (Flashback) Nino
    Pervert!
[17:22] Nino
    That's it!
[17:24] Nino
    I need you to do something for me.
[17:26] Nino
    Call me a pervert.
[17:29] Itsuki
    You're a hopeless pervert.
[17:33] Futaro
    That's not it. It didn't sound so hurtful.
[17:38] Miku
    You can tell us apart by our moles.
[17:40] Futaro
    Perfect!
[17:41] Futaro
    Where is it?
[17:43] Futaro
    Show me!
[17:46] Miku
    Um...
[17:49] Miku
    I wouldn't mind showing you, Futaro.
[17:52] Itsuki
    No!
[17:54] Itsuki
    It's not going to help if you
    haven't seen the culprit's mole, is it?
[17:57] Futaro
    That's true.
[17:59] Ichika
    Futaro-kun, it could be that
    the culprit isn't among us.
[18:05] Futaro
    Explain.
[18:07] Ichika
    Don't be shocked, okay?
[18:08] Ichika
    We are sextuplets and have
    a secret sixth sister, Mutsumi!
[18:14] Yotsuba
    What?!
[18:16] Yotsuba
    Wh-Where is Mutsumi right now?!
[18:20] Ichika
    She's in a secret room, unknown to any of us.
[18:21] Futaro
    Forget this.
[18:24] Futaro
    Whatever. Screw your confusing faces.
SIGN    General exam
[18:28] Futaro
    Time for the last resort!
[18:31] Futaro
    This problem set has questions
    from the earlier exams.
[18:36] Futaro
    The one who does the worst is the culprit.
[18:39] Nino
    Why do we have to do this?
[18:43] Itsuki
    This is outrageous.
[18:46] Miku
    Futaro's kind of pushy today.
[18:52] Ichika
    You're stuck now, Futaro-kun.
[18:55] Ichika
    I panicked and kicked you out in a hurry,
[19:00] ---
    but that seems to have
    worked to my advantage.
[19:03] Ichika
    I'd let my guard down on the quiz,
    but I can do well if I try.
[19:09] Ichika
    Sorry, everyone, let's get this over with.
[19:15] Ichika
    Wait...
[19:16] Ichika
    My handwriting!
[19:18] Ichika
    He's casually going to
    compare our handwriting.
[19:22] Ichika
    Not bad, Futaro-kun.
[19:24] Ichika
    Close call.
[19:27] Ichika
    I'm the only one who can
    dry my hair so quickly.
[19:31] Ichika
    I wish I'd had some more
    time to get dressed, but...
[19:34] Ichika
    There.
[19:36] Ichika
    I'm done first.
[19:39] Ichika
    You'll fail because you don't
    pay enough attention to girls.
[19:47] Futaro
    So you're the culprit.
[19:49] Ichika
    Huh?!
[19:50] Ichika
    How?
[19:52] Ichika
    I even changed my handwriting!
[19:54] Futaro
    Here.
[19:55] Futaro
    The way you write the letter "b."
[19:57] Futaro
    I remembered you were the only
    one who writes it cursive.
[20:00] Futaro
    I don't know you well enough
    to tell apart your faces,
[20:03] ---
    but I've seen your handwriting
    more often than I'd like.
[20:08] Ichika
    Y...
[20:09] Ichika
    You got me!
[20:13] Itsuki
    So...
[20:14] Itsuki
    The rest of us finished, too.
[20:17] Futaro
    Very well. Let me grade you.
[20:22] Futaro
    Itsuki's "so" is the same as the culprit.
[20:26] Futaro
    And Nino's "mon" radical...
[20:29] Futaro
    Miku's "four."
[20:30] Futaro
    Yotsuba's kanji suffix.
[20:33] Futaro
    They're all the same as the culprit's!
[20:36] Futaro
    Each one of you failed a quiz!
[20:42] Miku
    Busted.
[20:43] Nino
    What have you done, Ichika?!
[20:46] Nino
    You were supposed to hide
    them before he got here!
[20:48] Ichika
    Sorry.
[20:49] Futaro
    I'm in the hospital for a while,
    and this is what happens?
[20:53] Futaro
    I don't know if you're all...
[20:54] Itsuki
    Uesugi-kun.
[20:56] Itsuki
    The reason you were trying
    so hard to tell us apart...
[21:00] Itsuki
    It has something to do with that girl from
    five years ago you mentioned, right?
[21:05] Itsuki
    You think it's one of us, don't you?
[21:11] Futaro
    Yeah.
[21:13] (Flashback) Futaro
    What's the point in buying all of those?
[21:15] (Flashback) Rena
    This is to make me try five times harder.
[21:20] (Flashback) Rena
    I'm going to become an
    example for the others.
[21:27] Futaro
    Raise your hand if you
    met me a long time ago.
[21:35] Nino
    Where'd that come from?
[21:37] Miku
    What are you talking about?
[21:39] Futaro
    Figures.
[21:41] Futaro
    There's no way that girl
    was one of you idiots.
SIGN    Assumes she looks like this now
[21:45] Itsuki
    H-How dare you call us idiots?!
[21:47] Futaro
    I'm not wrong, am I?
[21:49] Futaro
    I can't believe you've been
    hiding the exams you bombed.
[21:52] Futaro
    We're spending all day today on review.
[21:55] Futaro
    Itsuki...
[21:57] Miku
    Was that on purpose?
[22:02] Miku
    I don't care about you anymore, Futaro.
[22:05] Futaro
    S-Sorry!
[22:07] Yotsuba
    It looks like you need to do some
    studying first, Uesugi-san.
[22:13] Futaro
    Though now that I take a good look,
[22:16] ---
    quintuplets can be quite different.
[22:21] Futaro
    Still, for now,
[22:22] Futaro
    I don't think I'm going to be able to
    tell them apart without their handwriting.
[22:24] ---
    Announcement Regarding Term Finals
SIGN    Episode 2
SIGN    Seven Goodbyes Part 1
SIGN    "Seven Goodbyes,
SIGN    Part 1."