E1 - The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part One
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:24] ---
How long you believed in Santa Claus...
[00:27] ---
...is so meaningless it won't
even serve as idle chatter.
[00:31] ---
If you still ask how long
I believed in a made-up...
[00:34] ---
...red-suited old man
named Santa, I say this for sure.
[00:38] ---
I didn't believe in him from the start.
[00:41] ---
I knew the Santa at my
kindergarten Christmas event was a fake.
[00:46] ---
I didn't even witness
Mom kissing Santa or anything...
[00:50] ---
...but shrewdly, I doubted an old man
who only worked on Christmas.
[00:55] ---
But aliens, future men,
ghosts, monsters, espers...
[00:59] ---
...evil cartels and anime, manga,
live-action heroes that fight them...
[01:03] ---
It wasn't till later in my life
that I realized they all don't exist.
[01:08] ---
No, I probably noticed it.
I just didn't want to accept it.
[01:12] ---
I longed for aliens, future men,
ghosts, monsters, espers...
[01:17] ---
...and evil cartels to just appear
from the bottom of my heart.
[01:21] ---
But reality's harsher than you think.
[01:24] ---
Impressed by the world's laws of physics...
[01:27] ---
...I didn't watch UFO and
ghost TV shows with the same gusto.
[01:31] ---
Aliens, future men, espers?
No way they exist.
[01:35] ---
But it'd be nice.
[01:36] ---
I've grown to where I think things
like the greatest common factor.
[01:40] ---
Entrance Ceremony
[01:44] ---
After graduating junior high,
I had outgrown such childish dreams...
[01:49] ---
...and adjusted to life's plainness.
[01:52] ---
I became a high schooler without fanfare...
[01:52] ---
Best regards and hopes for the coming year!
[01:55] ---
...and met her.
[02:00] ---
Haruhi Suzumiya from East Junior High.
[02:03] ---
I'm not interested in ordinary humans.
[02:05] ---
If any of you are aliens,
future men, otherworlders, or espers...
[02:11] ---
...please come see me.
[02:13] ---
That's all.
[02:16] ---
Am I supposed to laugh here?
[02:20] ---
A tremendously beautiful girl was there.
[02:33] ---
Um, well, next...
[02:34] ---
Everyone thought she was just joking.
[02:35] ---
Taniguchi from East Junior High.
[02:37] ---
My hobby is to write letters to radio programs.
[02:37] ---
Conclusions first: It wasn't a gag or punch line.
[02:41] ---
Haruhi is always dead serious.
[02:44] ---
That was how we met.
[02:46] ---
I really do think back and
want to believe it was a coincidence.
[02:56] ---
The answer is always in my heart.
[03:11] ---
I don't know why, but I chose you.
[03:17] ---
It won't stop now. Mr. Destiny deemed it so.
[03:23] ---
I believe it's boring to just mimic.
[03:29] ---
You'll be right, so I'll do what I feel as I feel it.
[03:38] ---
It's an adventure, right, right?
[03:40] ---
In this world where truth becomes fiction.
[03:45] ---
We become stronger
because we have dreams...
[03:49] ---
...not for the sake of someone.
[03:52] ---
Please come with me.
[03:55] ---
See me and my endlessly free self.
[04:01] ---
Today's present that becomes
tomorrow's past is the miracle.
[04:07] ---
Let's grab the future.
[04:13] ---
I believe you...
[04:22] ---
Haruhi Suzumiya,
as long as she quietly sits there...
[04:26] ---
...is nothing but a beautiful high schooler.
[04:29] ---
My seat was just right in front of hers.
[04:32] ---
It'd be nice to know her better...
Who'd blame me for even a second?
[04:38] ---
Hey, what you said in your introduction...
[04:41] ---
How serious were you?
[04:44] ---
What I said?
[04:46] ---
Well, you know, about aliens and stuff.
[04:48] ---
You're an alien?
[04:50] ---
No...
[04:51] ---
No what?
[04:53] ---
No... Nothing.
[04:55] ---
Then don't talk to me.
You're wasting my time.
[05:03] ---
Don't sweat it.
[05:04] ---
I found out later that they were
all from Haruhi's junior high.
[05:09] ---
If you have the hots for her,
I won't say anything bad...
[05:13] ---
...but forget it.
[05:15] ---
I know her well since I was
in her junior high class all three years.
[05:19] ---
Her quirks are way beyond normal.
[05:22] ---
That introduction?
[05:23] ---
Yeah.
[05:24] ---
In junior high, she did
one wacky thing after another.
[05:28] ---
She's known for the "quad scribbles."
[05:30] ---
What's that?
[05:32] ---
You know the tool that draws
chalk lines? What are they called?
[05:36] ---
Oh, well.
[05:37] ---
She drew a giant,
weird symbol on the quad with it.
[05:41] ---
Snuck into school at night too.
[05:43] ---
Oh, I remember reading about that.
[05:46] ---
Wasn't that in the paper's local section?
[05:49] ---
Like a badly done Nazca drawing.
[05:52] ---
She was the one responsible?
[05:55] ---
No mistake, since she said so herself.
[05:58] ---
I was in class one morning,
and all the desks were in the hall.
[06:02] ---
And she painted a star on the roof...
[06:05] ---
...and plastered strange cards around campus.
[06:05] ---
What's she doing?
[06:08] ---
The type on a kyonshi's head.
[06:11] ---
I don't get it.
[06:13] ---
Still, she's popular with guys.
[06:15] ---
She's got a pretty face.
[06:18] ---
Plus, she's good at sports,
and her grades are on the good side.
[06:22] ---
You'd never know
she's odd if she just stood there.
[06:25] ---
That involves another episode?
[06:27] ---
For a while, she was
dating one guy after another.
[06:30] ---
As far as I know,
the longest lasted a week.
[06:34] ---
And I heard the shortest ended
five minutes after she accepted.
[06:40] ---
I don't have time for common humans.
[06:42] ---
Then don't accept!
[06:46] ---
It's what I heard! Really.
[06:48] ---
I don't know why,
but she doesn't turn down dates.
[06:52] ---
So before you have any weird ideas,
I'll tell you outright.
[06:57] ---
Forget it.
[06:57] ---
Forget it? In the first place,
I don't have that desire.
[07:04] ---
If it were me, in this class, I'd go for...
[07:07] ---
...her.
[07:10] ---
Ryoko Asakura.
[07:11] ---
She's in the top three for freshmen girls.
[07:15] ---
You checked out all the freshmen girls?
[07:18] ---
Of course.
[07:20] ---
I ranked them from A to D
and memorized the A-ranks' full names.
[07:25] ---
Asakura is an A?
[07:27] ---
AA+ rank, I'd say.
[07:29] ---
I'm sure she has a great
personality on top of looks.
[07:35] ---
Amazing!
[07:38] ---
This was when Haruhi Suzumiya
was still acting calm.
[07:42] ---
The month soothed my heart.
[07:45] ---
But bits of Haruhi's strange behavior...
[07:47] ---
...had already started
to show themselves at this point.
[07:52] ---
So, exhibit one.
Her hairdo changed every day.
[07:56] ---
Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
[08:00] ---
The number of hair ties progressed by day.
[08:03] ---
After a Monday reset,
it's one per day till Friday.
[08:06] ---
What kind of hair does
she have on Sunday? I'd like to see.
[08:13] ---
Exhibit two.
[08:14] ---
They saw me naked!
[08:15] ---
PE class is separated by sex.
[08:18] ---
For changing, girls use
the odd classrooms, and boys use even.
[08:22] ---
But she slowly stripped off
her uniform with the boys still there.
[08:33] ---
Male students are nothing more
than potatoes to her, it seems.
[08:39] ---
Exhibit three.
[08:42] ---
To my dismay...
[08:43] ---
Tea Ceremony Club
[08:44] ---
...Haruhi temporarily applied
[08:45] ---
to every club in this school.
[08:49] ---
Every sports club begged her to join,
but she declined them all.
[08:54] ---
Her club activity changed daily on a whim.
[08:57] ---
In the end, she didn't join any club.
[09:00] ---
What does she want to do, anyway?
[09:07] ---
After this and that,
[09:09] ---
Yo, Kyon.
[09:09] ---
the first day after Golden Week break...
[09:11] ---
Yo.
[09:12] ---
Go anywhere for Golden Week?
[09:12] ---
By the way, "Kyon" is my nickname.
[09:14] ---
Grandma's with my sister.
[09:15] ---
I wish he'd stop using it though.
[09:16] ---
That's so boring.
[09:21] ---
Oh, today's Wednesday.
[09:24] ---
Such were my thoughts.
Something must've gotten to me.
[09:28] ---
I can't think of any other reason.
[09:30] ---
Do you change hairdos
each day to ward off aliens?
[09:34] ---
I was talking to Haruhi Suzumiya.
[09:37] ---
When did you notice?
[09:39] ---
A while ago.
[09:40] ---
Oh, I see.
[09:43] ---
I think that each weekday
has a different image that I feel.
[09:49] ---
By colors, Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red...
[09:50] ---
I felt a real conversation had been established
[09:53] ---
...Wednesday is blue,
[09:53] ---
for the first time.
[09:54] ---
Thursday is green, Friday is gold...
[09:57] ---
...Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white.
[09:59] ---
I kind of understand.
[10:02] ---
So in numbers,
Monday is zero, and Sunday is six?
[10:07] ---
Right.
[10:08] ---
I feel that Monday is more like a one...
[10:12] ---
Nobody asked for your opinion.
[10:14] ---
Is that so?
[10:30] ---
Have I met you somewhere? Like way back?
[10:34] ---
No.
[10:36] ---
Usually, something is triggered
by a trivial event.
[10:41] ---
This surely was my trigger.
[10:43] ---
But the decent reply surprised me.
[10:46] ---
I totally thought she'd say something like...
[10:49] ---
..."Shut up, noisy idiot.
Such things don't matter!"
[10:54] ---
So when she came the next day
with her long hair chopped...
[10:58] ---
...I was pretty disturbed by it.
[11:00] ---
Isn't cutting it short the day after
I made the comment too rash?
[11:07] ---
Not really.
[11:10] ---
Since then, it was becoming a ritual
[11:12] ---
to talk to Haruhi...
[11:12] ---
I heard something in the rumor mill...
[11:14] ---
...in the few minutes before homeroom.
[11:15] ---
Is it true...
[11:16] ---
...you dumped every guy you dated?
[11:19] ---
Why do I have to be
lectured about that by you?
[11:22] ---
I don't know what you want to ask, but fine.
[11:25] ---
It's probably all true.
[11:27] ---
Wasn't there at least one guy
you seriously considered dating?
[11:31] ---
None were good.
[11:33] ---
One and all were so serious it felt stupid.
[11:36] ---
They weren't aliens, future men, or espers...
[11:39] ---
That's normal.
[11:41] ---
And what's with most asking over the phone?
[11:44] ---
Say those important things face-to-face.
[11:47] ---
Well, yeah.
[11:49] ---
I'd say it to her directly.
[11:49] ---
I'll just agree for now.
[11:51] ---
Those things don't matter.
[11:54] ---
Which is it?
[11:55] ---
The problem is whether or not
the universe's men are pathetic.
[12:01] ---
Really, it always irritated me in junior high.
[12:04] ---
Then who would've been good?
An alien, after all?
[12:08] ---
An alien or something equivalent in nature.
[12:11] ---
If it's not a common human...
[12:14] ---
...boy or girl doesn't matter...
[12:15] ---
Why are you...
[12:17] ---
...so adamant about beings
other than normal humans?
[12:20] ---
Because that way,
things are more fun.
[12:34] ---
Hey, Kyon.
What kind of magic did you use?
[12:37] ---
What's that?
[12:39] ---
This is the first time I've seen
Suzumiya talk for so long.
[12:43] ---
What did you say?
[12:45] ---
I wonder.
[12:46] ---
I think everything I said was rather random.
[12:50] ---
It's world-shaking.
[12:51] ---
Kyon always went after the strange girls...
[12:55] ---
Don't talk with such undertones.
[12:57] ---
I'd like to hear it too.
[13:00] ---
Miss Suzumiya never replies,
no matter how much I talk.
[13:04] ---
How could we chat?
Are there any good tips?
[13:07] ---
I dunno.
[13:10] ---
But I'm relieved.
[13:11] ---
I'd be troubled if she was
always alone in this class.
[13:16] ---
It's good she made at least one friend.
[13:18] ---
Friend, huh...
[13:21] ---
Keep it up so that she can
be a part of the class too.
[13:25] ---
We're in the same class,
so we want to get along, right?
[13:29] ---
Please.
[13:30] ---
Even so...
[13:32] ---
If there's anything to tell her,
we'll have you tell her.
[13:38] ---
Now, wait. I'm not her spokesman or anything.
[13:43] ---
Please.
[13:53] ---
Kyon, we're friends, right?
[13:56] ---
They're all idiots.
[13:58] ---
We're changing seats.
I picked a number from the Gaufre can...
[14:03] ---
...for a nice position,
the second-to-last window seat.
[14:07] ---
Farewell, Haruhi... forever.
[14:11] ---
This is a coincidence, right?
[14:13] ---
Is it true you tried every single club?
[14:16] ---
Let me know if there's an interesting club.
[14:20] ---
None at all.
[14:21] ---
Instant reply.
[14:23] ---
At all.
[14:24] ---
It seems she likes to say "at all" a lot.
[14:27] ---
I thought it'd improve a bit in high school...
[14:30] ---
...but it's no different
from the forced schooling.
[14:34] ---
Did I enter the wrong school?
[14:36] ---
I wonder what her school-picking criteria are.
[14:39] ---
There was a mystery research club.
[14:41] ---
How was it?
[14:43] ---
Laughable.
[14:44] ---
They said they never really
encountered a real case.
[14:48] ---
They were just mystery-novel
otakus with no supersleuths.
[14:52] ---
Of course.
[14:54] ---
The supernatural phenomenon
research club looked good...
[14:57] ---
...but they were just occult maniacs.
What do you think?
[15:01] ---
Nothing either way.
[15:03] ---
It's so boring!
[15:04] ---
With so many, you'd think
there'd be a few strange clubs.
[15:08] ---
You can't help it.
[15:10] ---
In the end, humans have to be
satisfied with what's given them.
[15:15] ---
If I may say so, those who can't do that...
[15:18] ---
...make inventions and discoveries
that progress society.
[15:21] ---
Making planes since they wanted to fly...
[15:24] ---
...and cars and trains
since they wanted easy travel.
[15:28] ---
But that was because
some humans used wit or imagination...
[15:33] ---
In other words, genius made it possible.
[15:36] ---
We common folk find it best
to spend life in common ways.
[15:40] ---
Shut up!
[15:45] ---
Perhaps this conversation
was what sparked the idea.
[15:50] ---
It came suddenly.
[15:58] ---
What are you doing?
[15:59] ---
I got it!
[16:00] ---
What?
[16:01] ---
Why didn't I realize
such a simple thing till now?
[16:05] ---
What?
[16:06] ---
If there isn't one, I just make my own!
[16:08] ---
What, I ask?
[16:10] ---
A club!
[16:15] ---
Got it. Well, just calm down.
[16:17] ---
What's with that reaction?
Be happier about this discovery too.
[16:22] ---
We're in class.
[16:33] ---
Help me out.
[16:35] ---
I feel like I'm being shaken down.
[16:38] ---
With what?
[16:39] ---
Making my new club.
[16:41] ---
Why do I have to help
with something you thought up?
[16:45] ---
Answer that first.
[16:46] ---
I'll get a room and some members...
[16:49] ---
...so you get the school paperwork done.
[16:50] ---
She's not listening.
[16:52] ---
What club will you make?
[16:55] ---
That doesn't matter.
[16:57] ---
For now, we're just making one. Got it?
[16:59] ---
Research it before school ends.
I'll find a clubroom.
[17:04] ---
Got that?
[17:06] ---
Rules of creating a new extracurricular group...
[17:10] ---
At least five members,
an advising teacher, a name...
[17:14] ---
...person in charge, and the group's purpose.
[17:17] ---
I didn't have to research.
It was in back of the student handbook.
[17:21] ---
But I bet what Haruhi's thinking of doing...
[17:25] ---
...won't be fit for an imaginative
yet energetic school life.
[17:31] ---
H-Hold on a bit...
[17:34] ---
This is our clubroom from now on!
[17:36] ---
Wait a minute. Where are we?
[17:39] ---
The culture department's clubroom wing.
[17:41] ---
The art club and wind ensemble
have art and music rooms, right?
[17:46] ---
Clubs and groups without special
classrooms have rooms here...
[17:50] ---
...the clubroom wing AKA the old building.
The literature club's here.
[17:55] ---
Literature Club
[17:55] ---
Then it's theirs.
[17:57] ---
But their seniors graduated
last spring, so zero members.
[18:01] ---
It's the only club that'll disappear
if new members don't join.
[18:05] ---
And this girl is a new freshman member.
[18:09] ---
Then it's not on hiatus.
[18:11] ---
Same difference. She's the only one.
[18:14] ---
What about her?
[18:16] ---
She doesn't mind.
[18:18] ---
You sure?
[18:19] ---
She said okay when I asked
about the clubroom at lunch.
[18:23] ---
She's fine as long as she can read books.
[18:27] ---
I agree that she's strange.
[18:29] ---
You're one to talk.
[18:33] ---
Yuki Nagato.
[18:36] ---
Miss Nagato, was it?
[18:38] ---
She's turning this into some
unknown club's room. That's fine?
[18:43] ---
It's fine.
[18:44] ---
But I'm pretty sure that
we'll cause you a lot of trouble.
[18:48] ---
Not much.
[18:49] ---
You might get kicked out.
[18:51] ---
Go ahead.
[18:54] ---
Well, there you have it.
So we'll meet in this room after school.
[18:59] ---
You'd better show up.
If you don't, it's the death sentence.
[19:03] ---
All right...
[19:05] ---
I don't want a death sentence.
[19:07] ---
First off, members.
We need at least two more people.
[19:11] ---
What, that literature club
member is in the head count?
[19:16] ---
Is she assuming that girl comes with the room?
[19:19] ---
Don't worry. I'll get them soon.
I have leads on random people.
[19:25] ---
The next day.
[19:27] ---
Go ahead without me!
[19:30] ---
As for me... I had no choice.
[19:33] ---
I found myself heading
over to the clubroom.
[19:35] ---
Literature Club
[19:37] ---
What are you reading?
[19:40] ---
Is it interesting?
[19:45] ---
Unique.
[19:46] ---
Which part?
[19:49] ---
All.
[19:50] ---
You really like books.
[19:55] ---
Pretty much.
[19:56] ---
I see...
[19:59] ---
Can I go home?
[20:04] ---
Oh, sorry. I'm late.
[20:06] ---
She took a while to grab.
[20:08] ---
It was another girl.
[20:10] ---
What is this?
[20:10] ---
A really pretty girl too.
[20:13] ---
Where am I?
[20:14] ---
Why was I brought here?
[20:19] ---
Why are you l-locking it?
[20:21] ---
What are you...
[20:21] ---
Be quiet.
[20:24] ---
Let me introduce her. Mikuru Asahina.
[20:31] ---
That's it for the introductions?
[20:34] ---
Where'd you kidnap her?
[20:36] ---
I did no such thing. She came freely.
[20:38] ---
Same difference.
[20:40] ---
I caught her spacing out
in the juniors' classrooms.
[20:43] ---
I walk every inch of
the main building during recess...
[20:47] ---
...so I recalled seeing her a few times.
[20:50] ---
I knew she wasn't around
at recess... She was doing that?
[20:55] ---
Then she's an upperclassman.
[20:57] ---
How's that an issue?
[20:59] ---
Oh, well...
[21:01] ---
Miss Asahina, was it? Why her of all people?
[21:04] ---
Well, just look.
[21:08] ---
She's way cute, right?
[21:10] ---
Sounds like a dangerous kidnapper.
[21:12] ---
I think moe is a pretty
important concept to keep in mind.
[21:17] ---
Sorry, what?
[21:19] ---
Moe! Moe!
[21:20] ---
In other words, a moe aspect.
[21:22] ---
Basically, in stories where
strange things happen...
[21:26] ---
...there's always one moe
and Lolita character around.
[21:33] ---
That's not all.
[21:38] ---
She's short, but she's got
bigger breasts than me! Big breasts!
[21:43] ---
This is another key aspect in moe.
[21:46] ---
Dunno.
[21:46] ---
H-H-Help me!
[21:47] ---
Man, they're really huge.
[21:49] ---
This is irritating. Such a cute
face, yet hers are bigger!
[21:54] ---
Are you dumb?
[21:55] ---
But they're way huge! Really!
[21:57] ---
Want to feel?
[21:59] ---
I'll pass.
[22:01] ---
So, what? You brought Miss Asahina here...
[22:04] ---
...just because she's cute,
petite, and well-endowed?
[22:09] ---
Right.
[22:10] ---
She really is dumb.
[22:12] ---
I thought we needed a mascot of sorts.
[22:16] ---
Mikuru, are you in any other clubs?
[22:19] ---
Um, calligraphy...
[22:21] ---
Then quit it. It'll interfere
with our club activities.
[22:38] ---
I see.
[22:40] ---
I get it.
[22:42] ---
What'd she get?
[22:43] ---
I'll quit the calligraphy club and join.
[22:46] ---
But I'm not really sure
what the literature club does...
[22:50] ---
We're not the literature club.
[22:53] ---
We're just borrowing this clubroom now.
[22:56] ---
You're taking part in
what Suzumiya there is making...
[23:00] ---
...a nameless group with no set activities.
[23:03] ---
By the way, the girl sitting there
reading is a real lit club member.
[23:08] ---
I see...
[23:09] ---
It's all right! I just came up with a name!
[23:13] ---
Out with it.
[23:15] ---
An announcement.
[23:17] ---
The newly formed club's name
has just been decided!
[23:22] ---
The SOS Brigade!
[23:26] ---
Spreading Excitement
All Over the World...
[23:28] ---
...With Haruhi Suzumiya's Brigade.
[23:30] ---
The SOS Brigade for short.
[23:33] ---
You can laugh now.
[23:35] ---
Normally, it'd be
"Spreading Excitement All Over...
[23:38] ---
...the World With Haruhi
Suzumiya's School Organization."
[23:42] ---
But we're not a school organization...
[23:45] ---
...and don't even know what the group does.
[23:48] ---
Then "brigade" is good enough.
[23:51] ---
With Haruhi's baffling sentence...
[23:53] ---
...it was decided, and there was rejoicing.
[23:56] ---
Do what you want, sheesh.
[24:06] ---
If we figured out the globe
like we would a riddle...
[24:12] ---
...we could all go anywhere together.
[24:15] ---
To the end of time, BOOOON!
[24:18] ---
This feeling that is a warp and a loop.
[24:22] ---
With an imagination that engulfs
anything and everything, let's play.
[24:28] ---
Something on one sunny day,
more fun than any magic possible...
[24:33] ---
...endlessly pours down. It's not impossible.
[24:39] ---
When we meet again tomorrow,
we're all humming as we smile.
[24:45] ---
Let's gather happiness. Such a thing is so easy.
[24:50] ---
Chase after me. Try to catch it.
[24:55] ---
A big dream... You like dreams, right?
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